Depression - been there?

[Longshanks]

OK, I'm going to come clean and admit that I've recently been diagnosed with clinical depression - this has come about through a lot of personal crap including the death of my Father, work and the recent break-up of my 2 and a half year long relationship - *thinks* - yup, that'll cover it for now.

This, so it turns out, is something I've been struggling with for a few years now, but have only actually been diagnosed with in the last two weeks. For anyone who's suffered, or is suffering from this, they'll know that 'Depression' is NOT just like feeling depressed - it's a very physical thing too (in fact current thinking is that it's a chemical change in the brain as much as circumstance, although genetic pre-disposition is a theory too).

Just to reassure everyone that I'm not the manic -depressive type, (or, 'Bi-Polar' as they call it now - see, you learn all sorts of interesting stuff when you look things up ) - just the generally deep down sad sort with intermittant sunny spells.

Anyway, what I wanted to know is: Has anyone else here ever suffered from or experienced depression and do you feel up to talking about it? I know it's a difficult subject with a fair bit of stigma attached, but it'd be interesting to get other people's perspectives on the whole thing - you know, a depression shared is a depression spread - besides, I think the current statistics are that 1 in 5 people will suffer from this at some point in their lives, so chances are there are more people feeling like me on these boards.

(I kind of feel like I've just stood up in the circle and gone "Hi everybody, my name is Longshanks and I suffer from depression" - to which everyone else in the circle claps politely and replys Hi Longhanks - we feel your pain *shudder* )

[JBond]

I had some pretty bad depression in Middle and High School, I'd like to think I'm doing better now but it's hard to say sometimes.

[tyler_durden]

When I was in Jr. High and High School I was depressed a lot. Mainly because I hated school. Granted I was never diagnosed with it. I was always either depressed or angry. And I only remember a few occasions where I was genuinely happy. But I am on a much more even keel now.

[Longshanks]

There are a lot of classic symptoms including loss of self esteem and disturbed sleep patterns, just type in 'depression' into any search engine and you'll get a pretty standard list of about 10-15 potential symptoms depending on how bad it is.

But I think a lot of people either think they must have 'depression' because they feel depressed or don't realise they have 'depression' and just feel low (which is what happened to me). Considering how many people it effects, most of us are pretty uninformed about what it actually entails, I know I was until last week.

[JBond]

I was diagnosed with it

[Iben]

sometimes I feel really low in periods where I can’t really explain why I’m feeling like that. It might be a little thing like stress from school or something that starts it, but once it’s there I feel bad about almost anything and I can’t explain why. It might go on for a couple of weeks where nothing seems to be going right and no matter what anyone tells me I can’t get out of the hole I’m in. It doesn’t happen much anymore and it’s probably not a clinical thing, but yeah I do know how it’s like to feel depressed and mad at the world.

[Kris Hodgson]

I suffered from clinical depression when I was in high school. It came about from: the death of a very close friend of mine; my mother getting back together with a very abusive ex; and just a general feeling that life was ****. I went to many doctors who all wanted to give me various antidepressants. All those did to me was give me a crutch to lean on. Oh, I'm not feeling well....I'll just pop some of these pills and feel better for a while, until they wear off, and then feel like **** all over again. It got to the point where i wouldn't get out of bed because I thought "What's the point? What do I have to look forward to?" I even contemplated suicide, getting so close that I actually had the knife pressed against my wrist. What stopped me was thinking about my friend, and how horrible it was watching her family go through the ordeal of losing a child at the young age of 16. I wouldn't want to put my family through that.
The only way I found to fight my depression was to keep living a normal life, even though it was very hard sometimes. I got through it, and am happy to say that I feel great now. It takes alot of time, so hang in there. You'll get through it!

[tyler_durden]

Originally posted by longshanks
There are a lot of classic symptoms including loss of self esteem and disturbed sleep patterns, just type in 'depression' into any search engine and you'll get a pretty standard list of about 10-15 potential symptoms depending on how bad it is.

But I think a lot of people either think they must have 'depression' because they feel depressed or don't realise they have 'depression' and just feel low (which is what happened to me). Considering how many people it effects, most of us are pretty uninformed about what it actually entails, I know I was until last week.

I wouldn't have defined it as depression then, but that is the only reason I can think of to explain some of the things that I did. There wasn't any one thing that really made me feel that way, I was just the kid that everyone else liked to pick on. And it was pretty bad in Jr High and High School. I have kind of taught myself to be aware of my feelings now, and when I start to feel low I take a step back and figure out why. Then I force myself into a better mood and I am fine. I am sure I didn't have clinical depression or anything, but life just sucked then.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Kris Hodgson
I suffered from clinical depression when I was in high school.

Hi Kris - thanks for being open and honest.

For myself, suicide or the contemplation of it isn't an option thankfully. But after a LOT of reasearch and talking to people, both friends and GP's (sometimes both in the same person), I've made the decision to go on a course of serotonin antidepressants. They're not 'happy pills' they just work to keep what natural serotonin the body produces, in circulation for longer. It was a tough choice and one I was dead against at first, it felt like an admission of defeat to admit I needed 'pills' - not a good thing when your self-esteem is low anyway. But I feel more informed now and figure if you had a broken leg you'd go and get it fixed and take some pain-killers to help so why try to deal with something like depression on your own?

I'm also looking into alternative and complimentary therapys like acupuncture, massage and councelling so I feel like I'm taking an active part in getting myself sorted. But it is difficult.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by longshanks
But I feel more informed now and figure if you had a broken leg you'd go and get it fixed and take some pain-killers to help so why try to deal with something like depression on your own?

That is a great way of looking at it.

Becuase that is just how it is, You havent done anything wrong. Its not your bad. . . Its just something up with your body like a cold. You didn't want that cold, you didn't ask for it. . .

But you have to deal with it.

[Rogue]

I feel ya longshanks. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 12. It all started when I was young, my teenage years have been utter hell. I saw my best friend commit suicide, I've had an abusive boyfriend that put me in the hospital, I've struggled with an eating disorder and I've tried to commit suicide five times. I'm doing better now though, and it's under control. It's hard to cope with sometimes but just try to hang in there. My advice is try to avoid the medicine, it basically turned me into a zombie. It will get better longshanks, all I can say is look for the good and fight for that..it really will help. In all the bad, there is good somewhere.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Rogue
I feel ya longshanks. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 12.

Wow - there's a lot of honesty here.

That's some serious stuff there Rogue, if you didn't opt for the medication route to help out, may I ask what helped you get through it? Family would be an obvious one, but that's not really an option for me. Friends are good, but you can't just keep visiting your mates EVERY night. Talking is good hence this thread.

I know I can get out of this given time and help, but I need to know what helped people in the 'black' moments, you know, the anxiety attacks that come out of nowhere and roll through you like the tumbleweed from Hell (or a really nasty rollercoaster without all the screaming kids and less candyfloss).

Glad there are a lot of positive thoughts here too.

[JBond]

Music helps, hanging with friends doesn't always help but it can. Sleeping..

[Rogue]

The medicine was forced upon me and I quit taking it because it was literally making it worse on me. My family really helped me- my father, my cousins and my aunt. I talked a lot to them. My friends of course, they were very understanding and helped whenever they could. I just talked through it, I still go to my therapist to this day. She helps a lot. If you can find a good counselor or therapist, it will work wonders, trust me.


As for my black moments..I found out that writing really helps me. Poetry, songs, anything. It helps the sadness flow out of your body, in my opinion. Talking definitely helps, even if you don't talk to anyone but your pet. Find something you truly enjoy and try that. Hell, sometimes coloring in a coloring book helps me. It's the little things that makes all the difference when those moments hit you. Music is a good outlet as well, I'm a saxophone player. When I'm in a mood I'll play. Find something that you enjoy when you aren't down and it will help you through it, the things I do carry happy memories with them so that's what helps me..it helps me remember that happiness is possible and the moods seem to pass quicker.

I must commend you too longshanks, admitting the depression there is half the battle and I'm proud of you for wanting to fight it and getting help. Most people let it consume them, I know I did for a long time. I'm glad you're fighting this!

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Rogue
If you can find a good counselor or therapist, it will work wonders, trust me.

Being in the countryside takes the edge of things a bit. Definitely cutting down on the alcohol though - not a good route (although I'll still have a pint now and again with friends or down the pub).

It's taken a long time to get to this admitting stage, my heels have been well and truely dug in to stop falling over this particular edge for a while now. That cost me a lot. But thanks for the words of encouragement Rogue, you really are the Florence Nightinggale of the CS boards

I have signed up for a councellor via my doctor, but unfortunately there's a 12 week waiting list to see an NHS councellor (NHS= the UK's public National Health Service) - still, I'll wait if I have to (can't really afford a private one)

[Rogue]

I don't know about Nightengale, but I've been there..I know what it's like, I try to help.

The important thing is that you know what's up now and you're trying. If you're in the countryside, a walk when you're upset might help as well. Just get out and get some fresh air, that does wonders too.

[Psylent]

Originally posted by longshanks
OK, I'm going to come clean and admit that I've recently been diagnosed with clinical depression - this has come about through a lot of personal crap including the death of my Father, work and the recent break-up of my 2 and a half year long relationship - *thinks* - yup, that'll cover it for now.

This, so it turns out, is something I've been struggling with for a few years now, but have only actually been diagnosed with in the last two weeks. For anyone who's suffered, or is suffering from this, they'll know that 'Depression' is NOT just like feeling depressed - it's a very physical thing too (in fact current thinking is that it's a chemical change in the brain as much as circumstance, although genetic pre-disposition is a theory too).

Just to reassure everyone that I'm not the manic -depressive type, (or, 'Bi-Polar' as they call it now - see, you learn all sorts of interesting stuff when you look things up ) - just the generally deep down sad sort with intermittant sunny spells.

Anyway, what I wanted to know is: Has anyone else here ever suffered from or experienced depression and do you feel up to talking about it? I know it's a difficult subject with a fair bit of stigma attached, but it'd be interesting to get other people's perspectives on the whole thing - you know, a depression shared is a depression spread - besides, I think the current statistics are that 1 in 5 people will suffer from this at some point in their lives, so chances are there are more people feeling like me on these boards.

(I kind of feel like I've just stood up in the circle and gone "Hi everybody, my name is Longshanks and I suffer from depression" - to which everyone else in the circle claps politely and replys Hi Longhanks - we feel your pain *shudder* )

I have depression everyday.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Psylent
I have depression everyday.

Are you receiving any treatment for it? How are you managing to deal with it?

well back 1962 when my wifes aunt died we where sad!

[Kyle Katarn]

I worry about my sanity in the future....my brother was officially diagnosed with depression just recently. My mother died last year, and we did not really get a chance to greive before our dad started drinking and making our lives a living hell....after all the **** he put us through, I finally told him about 2 weeks ago to go to hell, and that I never wanted to see him again. Since then, he hasn't come near me. Despite that I have literally shut off all feelings for him, I started to feel almost guilty today.

It's like I fear that once (or IF) all the emotion I have inside comes out, something's gonna break...But I don't think suicide will ever be an option. All it would do is the same thing dad is doing: Doing what he wants, the world be damned. Plus, I have some pretty strong religious beleifs, and the thought of me burning in hell forever was all that was going through my mind the one time I put a loaded gun to my head. And when the thought that my dad would be there with me hit me, that sealed the deal - suicide? NEVER!

I really don't feel depressed, and don';t see the need for medicine - don't let yourself feel the pain, then why treat it? But I feel like this could really screw me up down the road. But oh well. I just wonder if this is what's shot my self confidence all to hell? I was looking at 2 options for the future, and lack the will to try either one....for fear of what happens if I screw it up, or fail...

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Kyle Katarn
I worry about my sanity in the future....my brother was officially diagnosed with depression just recently..... I was looking at 2 options for the future, and lack the will to try either one....for fear of what happens if I screw it up, or fail...

I know all about bottling it up, been doing that for years and in the end all I was doing was refusing to face facts because the thought of what would happen to me if I let go and went with it all was too scary. But all I was doing was building up the pressure - oh yeah, and the guilt too - never underestimate the power of good old guilt.

A good friend of mine who's gone through depression, described it in the terms of every problem being a brick put in our way, if they come infrequently we can pick them up and put them out of the way, but if they come in too fast we end up building a wall with them that we can't get through.

Sometimes everyone needs help, no one can be stong all the time, and sometimes 'strong' just becomes 'stubborn' if you're not careful. Lack of self esteem is a pretty standard part of depression it seems and let's face it, by the sound of it you've been through the mill recently, of course that's going to hurt.

A similar thing happened to me after my Dad died, within days my Mum had decided that I had conspired with my Dad (whom she hated) against her over the Will, and decided to set her solicitors on to me. If Dad had wanted to put a wedge between us he certainly did a good job. So I never really had time to grieve either having to deal with my Mother for the next year as I tried to find some impossible middle ground.

After that my girlfriend (who had been suffering from depression since before we started to go out) sensed that I was withdrawing and started to have anxiety attacks which felt for all the world like personal attacks on me, triggering off what I now realise were my own anxiety attacks. Definitely bad Karma! The whole thing slowly spiraled over the period of the next 18 months and finally came to a head. If I could have seen what was happening to us both I may have been able to do something about it - but I couldn't and I didn't, depression does that to you.

I wish someone had been able to sit me down and talk to me about the whole thing, to stop me feeling like I was failing if I gave in and admitted I needed help.

Can you talk to your brother about what he's going through? It may help you too?

[Chicklet]

no depression for me!...yet!

[Elizabeth]

Longshanks, what you were saying about the lack of self-esteem seems to be one of my problems. I was depressed quite a bit in high school, partly because I didn't have many friends and nobody seemed to want anything to do with me. I considered suicide a few times, but then I thought of how that would affect the people closest to me, so I decided against it. I think depression goes with adolescence, or so it seems to me. Now that I'm 20 years old, I don't get depressed as easily as I did while I was still a teenager.

[Scarlet spidey]

I probubly "suffer" from it right now but I havent gotten diagnosed with it I do take aderal(in shor it's prozak laced with ritilan) and that seems to help

[HeadHunter]

Went to depression and all i got was this ****ing T-Shirt