The Guardians Of Freedom. T.G.O.F

[DarthVader 2004]

These are the tales and Adventures of The Guardians Of Freedom. The whole Female hero team created by Harlin Grey. Harlin Grey had a long business time with the heroes of Earth. Since when he was experimented on by Hydra during World War 2. Captain America was not the only human changed.

The Mutant Fats as the fellows soldiers called him. Was captured and changed forever. Hydra had turned fats or James Anderson into a being who could only survive by drink blood. Anderson basically gave Redskull the finger and instead of death Skull returned him to his unit where the story of Harlin Grey was born.

Fats as he was called had mutant powers of healing and could steal energy and abilities from other mutants. As Harlin Grey he changed many things but his work with Howard Stark and Charles Xaiver was something he rather keep secret. Harlin took in many mutants and injured people and used his mass fortune to improve them while always searching for the Cure to make him human once again or least a normal mutant again.

Many years later a Women by the name of Olivia Applewhite. A very smart Lawyer from Brown was involved in a accident that left her blind. Harlin went to her with an offer. If she would be his Lawyer he would personally restore her sight.
Harlin himself did an operation and replaced her eyes with bionical ones. The chip would allow her to see like regular things but also her eyes could see in many types of robotic situations. Also the bionic eyes were equipt with a low energy lazer beam. Olivia Applewhite did as she promised and she was sent by Harlin to China for secret training only he knew about and Captain McBride his to security officer.
Olivia had returned and started her new Job but Harlin had not visited her yet. She decided she was going to write a book to share with the world about Harlin Grey.
At her desk she opened her Laptop to start after she was finished with some general work.

[morpheus1987]

I like your idea about the vampire, but you really need to flesh out your characters. You need to explain why your main character is doing the things she does. Motivation is critical in writing. Why was she being trained? Isn't she just a lawyer? If so, she already has her law degree, so there is no need for training in China.

Why was Harlan executed? Did they know he was a vampire? Who was he executed by (Americans or Germans)?

These are just some questions that I thought of after reading it. I'm sure you will elaborate more, but your goal should be to get the reader hooked in the first few sentences.

[DarthVader 2004]

Originally Posted by morpheus1987

I like your idea about the vampire, but you really need to flesh out your characters. You need to explain why your main character is doing the things she does. Motivation is critical in writing. Why was she being trained? Isn't she just a lawyer? If so, she already has her law degree, so there is no need for training in China.

Why was Harlan executed? Did they know he was a vampire? Who was he executed by (Americans or Germans)?

These are just some questions that I thought of after reading it. I'm sure you will elaborate more, but your goal should be to get the reader hooked in the first few sentences.

Her Training in china as you will learn later on is a normal required thing for any new employee. China Training is not for legal reasons its for combat and self defense. He is friends with a ninja who trains his employees.

[morpheus1987]

Originally Posted by RedVader 2004

Her Training in china as you will learn later on is a normal required thing for any new employee. China Training is not for legal reasons its for combat and self defense. He is friends with a ninja who trains his employees.

Why would an attorney need combat training? I'm gonna push back a little on this, so that you cover all the angles.

[DarthVader 2004]

As she was about to type more the building where they were shook and glass shattered out of the first 7 floors of the skyscraper. Where Olivia was laid now here broken body and burden body. Security in armor was scrambling throughout the building.

At the top of the building was Harlin. A Man in Black suit kinda like Iron Mans only it was more Ninja Like. You See Harlin never copied anything Tony or Howard Stark ever did he always made sure his design was obviously not Stark looking. All his security wore silver tech armor that was activated by a electronic censor on there belts.Captain James McBride wore Black Armor but it was more Asian design and he looked like a Ninja.

"She is dead sir on our last report." "Evacuate the building to the basement levels Captain. Send word for the team to assemble on Alcatraz Island" "Sir she is dead." "I am sorry Captain its not in my nature to leave behind a friend. Harlin bent forward and two metallic wings come out of his back in bat like shape.

He Leaped off of the top of the building and flew into the burning lobby. He landed and saw Ms Applewhite. "Sorry my dear but not today has your end come." He made a small slit in his wrist and the drops of blood went down the charred mouth.

Slowly her skin grew back and breath came back within her lings again. She sat up and her eyes first saw everything in a digital outline then she saw him as regular eyes would. "Mr Harlin sir why did you save me with the gift given to you by powers wiser then 10 Charles Xaviers."

We really do need to talk about my gifts as you call them. We that is you and i must go on a Journey to where i was first created and I tell only you because your grandmother saved me and many others. Your real name is not Applewhite, but Carter. As is Samantha Peggy Carter.

He takes her to a secret Helicopter Pad At a Secret Base in the middle of Central Park. They Fly for Many Hours. "Why has Shield done all this?" "Not Shield per say but Maria Hill. The Avengers made a mistake trusting her and demoting Fury. As you will Learn as I did. The Council is but Puppets who truely serve the real master of Shield.

Shield when Howard created her was meant to protect the innocent and serve the people of the world. Now its become a cold place that serves agendas of evil men."

[DarthVader 2004]

"Mr Harlin what did happen to my Father." "Not many knew Peggy and Cap has a son. I think Many assumed the Golden Boy was still a virgin when he was buried in the Ice. As for Your real father Tom became consumed by his need to be better then Steve Rodgers.

It became too much for him because he forever lived in Caps Shadow and the day you were born he put a Gun To your mothers head to try and spare you his thought curse. Peggy shot him in the head and it was then she quit being an Agent. Peggy Loved her son but loved more what Cap stood for and had hope you would succeed where Tom failed. She killed her own son because of Hope of that Caps memory would not be lost with you for her."

"I don't regret my family. The Applewhites are my family." "Nor should you but do know something we are your family too as well." "Why did you need for me to be trained by Master Ni Su?" "Well as you learned today in my buisness even an Attorney needs to learn to protect yourself.

I also wanted to know if you had any of your grandfathers blood within you and being you mastered training in 6 days would suggest your more then just a pretty face." There helicopter landed somewhere Southeast of Berlin. He went into a tomb inside a cemetary there.

He pulled a leaver that was on the wall disguised as a old torch. Stairs opened up and they went down into a secret bunker. "I am well aware that the story was that I died and returned in a beam of light. Thats a nice theory but just a myth.

The American Soliders had no choice but to kill me for i had killed over 25 soldiers from my thurst for plasma. The truth is I cannot die. I was a mutant. Somewhat like Captain Logan. I can heal my body from any damage. Be it decapitation or being blown apart. In 3 days time i will be as i was.

Peggy Carter found me draining some cow 2 days later. Instead of Killing me she asked that I consider a cure. She and I tried every serum ever made to try and replace my hunger. I was able to curb it well enough to function and truly Peggy was always my friend.

Some years later i found what many thought was lost secret hidden vile of the super solider serum but it was not enough of a dose that Rodgers Recieved. I aquired Blood From The Mutant Wolverine who i learned was Captain Logan."

"How did you get that?" "Was there when they fused the metal too Logans bones. Many like to take credit but i designed his claws and created the melting process." I managed to collect the blood after the experiment." Wolverine is your friend."

"Sure I donate 12 million a year to the Xavier school and helped design the Black Bird." "I am not proud of the deed but Wolverine has saved many a people and i think about that every time i regret my many jobs over the years

[morpheus1987]

Who is Captain McBride? You kind of just introduce him, but don't really say who he is.

I don't know if I would state that your character designed Wolverine's claws. That kind of goes against the canon.

I'm a little confused as to what is going on. Why would it take hours to fly to Central Park? How is there even a base in Central Park?

I would take more time to develop your characters before this attack happens. Get into the emotions of the characters, the development of Applewhite, and Harlin. Why is Maria Hill bad? are you going to explain this?

[DarthVader 2004]

'Your probably wondering why brought you here to this crypt. And not went to where the others are. I will in do course go there but I have a job for you." "You didn't finish your first story." "Awe yes that I did. What is important is i am cured do we need to full summery." "Your the one that stated how it is told is a nice fairy tale."

"No I said its a nice theory. However since you insist I guess i have to finish. You know I worked for Howard Stark from 1957 till his death. In between those times i did projects on the Black Bird and even helped build the shuttle that Reed Richards and that crew took before there lives were changed.

Howard had designed something beyond anything i had ever built.The Shield Flying Carrier. We built it together but I could since Howards reluctance in who should have it. After Howards death he left me 1.4 Billion Dollars because he sensed I wanted to help Xaiver with his mutants. I could not help myself so i kept a sample of blood from a student by the name of Jean Grey.

My serum was almost completed and at the same time i was hired to created a room that would withstand Gamma Bursts and it appeared that the walls held the blast but as you know it reflected it back on Banner.I felt great guilt because I knew that if had not built that room that the Gamma wave might have went out instead of stayed confined into one area.

I first hand met the Hulk during his first transformation and he smashed me through 4 floors and some of his blood had been obsorebed through my hand. I had the power to weaken my enemies in those days.I had forgotten that little thing with the Hulk.

I blended the blood i collected with he Super Solider Serum. My hope was i would need no more shots. The drug was used by Blade but I wanted to have no thirst or needle dependency. So i build the same chamber that was used on your Grandfather and I hired someone to pull the switch. I felt the changed and thought it worked. I felt the effects that night. I first changed into a beast like Hulk beast and then i went smaller and became myself.

I did not know of The Phoenix within Grey and had no idea that some of Wolverines blood had Animantium in it. The two fused together and the Hulks strength was downsized to my average frame. Wings came out my back but they were bat like wings covered in Animantium.

The wings had came from the Phoenix but since I had the Bat Serum then became bat wings. I also gained the mental powers of Jean and I could read peoples thaught's. I knew I had to hide my transfromations. The Strength of the Hulk in a small compact frame that can fly and know where people are.

In theory Ms Hill is not wrong. I am a threat but I have never used my powers for anything. I have made plans should Howards vision Shield fail and this my dear is where you come in." "You created your own cure and power." "Sorry no divine gifts except for the healing ability from mom and my temper from my father."

[DarthVader 2004]

Originally Posted by morpheus1987

Who is Captain McBride? You kind of just introduce him, but don't really say who he is.

I don't know if I would state that your character designed Wolverine's claws. That kind of goes against the canon.

I'm a little confused as to what is going on. Why would it take hours to fly to Central Park? How is there even a base in Central Park?

I would take more time to develop your characters before this attack happens. Get into the emotions of the characters, the development of Applewhite, and Harlin. Why is Maria Hill bad? are you going to explain this?

McBride is just leader of his Security more or less. He is not a main character really. Kinda like Coulson really. He had a plane in Central Park and the flew to his old Bunker in Germany. I will explain details about the main characters in my next few pages.

[DarthVader 2004]

Harlin sits down and lights is cigar."I never seen you smoke before." "A side effect to Logans blood i am afraid. Thankfully i aquired Jeans patience and oddly enough i inherited Banners science intelligence."

"Would you have hired me if i wasn't his grandchild?" "Yes because it takes more then dna and skills to make a hero. I hired you because your the most human of the people that i have grown to enlist in my new plans." He walks over to the wall and presses a button. A Large panel appears with a massive computer. "This my dear is Peggy a computer i built that would rival Starks Jarvis."

"Hello Ms Applewhite welcome to the T.G.O.F." "Acivate all systems Peggy we leave for Base two." The Whole Bunker shook and the cemetary above fell away as a massive plane the size of a C130 came up only it had Black Bird Like design only it was a massive plane that dwarfed that Titanic in size.

Else where on the Hellcarrier. Maria Hill with her ironic one eye looked at the screen.
"Mam the council wishes to speak to you." "Director Hill why his is building still standing we ordered every level demolished." "The President sir only gave us permission to disable the building and take some prisoners. He would not agree to topple a building in Down Town New York City. Not after 9/11 sirs." "Remember you serve Shield not one nation. Remember how Fury and Stark refused us. They and the Avengers are fugitives to be killed on site.

They are all threats to the Earth." "Why All this display for one fat weapons builder." "Harlin Grey is more dangerous then 3 Nick Furys. He has the strength of Captain America and the resources of Stark. Find him and bring him to us." "We will double our efforts sirs." "Don't fail again for you may loose the other eye Director."

"Director Hill we have a massive ship off the Coast of Italy and its coming our way." "Prepare all stations for battle and load the new laser cannons."
"Sir the new weapons are a bit advanced for us. They worked for the Skrull sleds but this is a very old ship." "Adapt it or we will blow up your house and your family with it." "It will be done Mam."

"Mr Harlin the Hellcarrier has locked onto us and is coming. They have new weapons on her guns for they are of an alien power." "Raise the energy shields Peggy. There is one flaw to there new weapons. If they shoot long enough the man made cannons will melt.

Stark did not improve his fathers work. So the cannon was not coated with anamantium shielding." "Sir What are we doing?" "Awe i am just giving Maria a little response to my buildings damage."

[Deexan]

I feel you are chasing a lost cause here Morpheus, lol. Just sit back and enjoy the ride that is RedVader's creative release!

[Deexan]

Originally Posted by RedVader 2004

Else where on the Hellcarrier. Maria Hill with her ironic one eye looked at the screen.
"Mam the council wishes to speak to you." "Director Hill why his is building still standing we ordered every level demolished." "The President sir only gave us permission to disable the building and take some prisoners. He would not agree to topple a building in Down Town New York City. Not after 9/11 sirs." "Remember you serve Shield not one nation. Remember how Fury and Stark refused us. They and the Avengers are fugitives to be killed on site.

They are all threats to the Earth." "Why All this display for one fat weapons builder." "Harlin Grey is more dangerous then 3 Nick Furys. He has the strength of Captain America and the resources of Stark. Find him and bring him to us." "We will double our efforts sirs." "Don't fail again for you may loose the other eye Director."

Genius.


Also, Comic Sans? I doff my cap to you, Sir(s).

[DarthVader 2004]

"Can you fly Olivia." "I took a few courses once and even used the stick." "Peggy switch to automatic pilot and activate defense only package. So prepare the smaller guns for now and keep the shields up at 60% until my return."

"Where are you going sir?" "Awe i need a bit of fresh air." "Sir you are dead you need not air to breath with." "Awe Peggy its just a human expression for alone time." He Opens the door and instead of growing wings he changes into a bunch of bats and flys out of the plane. As Hill was giving commands he appears in front of her chair by means of the same Bats."

"Is there something you wanted Director Hill or do you like to turn terrorist against now New York city." "Security is needed on the bridge." "Why don't you take a nap sonny." With his mental powers he puts all on the brdge asleep but the pilots and Hill her self.

"How dare you come aboard this vessel and threaten me." "You attack my building but what pisses me off more is you are hunting once your friends. The Shield cannot control the special powers of beings mostly given gifts from God. Stop this stupid vengeance your on." She Pulls out her pistol and shoots him in the chest 3 times.

"I see you still are using those Cosmic Cube energy bullets. I wonder what your father would say. He gave his life for this country as a Marine. You serve blindly people who cower in a dark room. Barking orders they all must die. Its to save the world speech. This is my last warning child." He spits out three bullets into his hand. And places them in her glass of water.

"I am serving my fathers wish and thats to save us and that is from freaks who are not humans but monsters like you." "I wonder if you realize your now working for Hydra. The same organization that set the bomb that killed your parents." "You are a liar fat man and I have called in someone to handle you."

"Well its the old man. I do wonder if your bones can break like match sticks. The Hulk has elluded me long enough." "You hire the Red Hulk Maria. Does the word not big enough a vessel to hold this poor excuse for the name of Hulk."

[morpheus1987]

How did Ademantium get in Wolverine's blood? It is an unbreakable metal, so I don't see how it could break down into his blood stream. You also need to explain why having some of the Hulk's blood would help to give you the Hulk's powers.

When you are using quotations to indicate that a character is speaking, make sure that you indicate what character is actually speaking. There are portions of this where I am not sure which character is saying what.

[DarthVader 2004]

Ok. Due to the guys experiments he more or less can like Rogue per say gain the powers sometimes of who he touches. When Banner first changed Harlin touched him to weaken him. Hulks DNA was in his system when he fused Logans post adementium process kinda before Logans metal hardened. Harlin made a machine to have the serum obsorbed into his body more or less. Harlin just forgot he had obsorbed the Hulk and so on.

[Deexan]

My highlight from the latest 'issue':

"You are a liar fat man and I have called in someone to handle you."

You certainly have a way with words, Vader!

[Fanible]

Sounds like it's about to get kinky.

[DarthVader 2004]

This more or less is a rough draft. Its not my final version. Its just for the purpose for me to just have fun and be as wild a story as i can with it.

[DarthVader 2004]

The Red Hulk gave him a smerk as he punches Harlin into a wall on the inside of the Hellcarrier. "Is your body broken yet fat man. All those years making weapons and serums and yet your still fat and ignorant to how the world really is." Harlin picks himself up and straightens his back and it cracks a little.

"There is that word again. Fat man or chain smoker or even bum of smaller trump tower. All these insults mean very little to me. I choose to be who i am and that's how i want to be known. Tell me something General Ross do you really think your half the hulk Banner is."

"I am superior to the stupid green giant." "Hardly I have crapped tougher piles after dinner then you. As for your hitting me into a wall that only tells me how weak you are."

The Red Hulk charges him and spears him through the wall and out of the Carrier leaving a large round hole. The crew on the bridge could move. A massive air power current from the hole was making the carrier fall slightly
"Activate all blade power at maximum." "Mam we have been at full power trying to find is ship." "Then have them seal up that hole you moron."

On top of the Carrier the hulk and Harlin stood. "Your going to die fat old man." Hardly General for i can fly but i do wonder how fast you will fall."
" Am strong enough to take a little wind Grey." Harlin appeared before him very quickly and with one hard kick he sends him through the top of the Carrier and landing on the bridge floor.

Harlin looked down. "I am sorry for the mess Maria but he was your house guest i do believe. You might want to use some of that science and plug up a few of these holes.I would gladly put a reinforced seal on the Carriers steel once you have come to your sense.

I would love to stay and help but i have important buisness. After all even fat people have better things to do then watch good looking people crash in the ocean below."

[Deexan]

Brilliant.

I'm curious Vader, are you writing these entries on a whim or have you got a whole story already compiled that you're drip-feeding us?

[DarthVader 2004]

I have a basic full novel in my head about this story. The dialog i am making up but the story is set pretty much

[morpheus1987]

Is Harlin actually fat? Why does he kept getting called fat?

My other question is that from your first post you seemed to indicate that this would be a first person narrative told by Olivia. Are you abandoning this? If so, you may want to change the first post a bit.

[DarthVader 2004]

The Narrative is suppose to be the calm before the storm thing. She was writing her novel about her own life while kinda at work. Only all heck more or less interrupts her train of thought. Especially when she actually dies. The story changes once she breaths again to a more present date.
Yes Harlin is more or less myself in a way. Each story i write i have a character that more or less resembles myself.

[DarthVader 2004]

Harlin reappeared inside the left chair of his plane like he did when he left. "Make all speed for the pacific coast Peggy." "There are 3 ships coming from the Hellcarrier sir." 'Some don't know when to call it another day." "Should I charge the main guns sir."

"No Peggy I don't wish to destroy those fallowing orders. Make full speed and leave them behind." The plane turns around and the thrusters ignite and the ship flies very quickly and when it slows down they are over mexico and had left the Hellcarrier near the coast of Italy. Olivia looked out the window and then was quiet.

"Ever wish your life never had changed sir." Harlin looked over at her. Most heroes who are given gifts sometimes wish things were simpler. In your case you miss seeing like did as a child. No matter how well your eyes work they still are not the eyes you were born with.
I understand wishing to be normal child. Even with the serum i still know inside i killed many and i wish that man. My original mutant self was still here."

The Plane starts to slow down and Peggy comes on the screen. "Alcatraz Underwater base has opened the doors and we are ready to land sir." "Good you take us in Peggy and I will be with Olivia."
Olivia and Harlin leave there seats and he waits as the rear of the plane lowers for they have landed.

"Sir what use can a Lawyer be really in the world of heroes and mutants." He smiles as Captain McBride comes before him. "Captain prepare the War Room for me and Ms Applewhite please and see that the kit is there as well." The taller former Shield reject left them and went down the hall. "Olivia you will not be alone in wondering do i fit in here.

If Fury can have success in a team so can I." Olivia seems very perplexed because Harlin tried his best to avoid straight answers to simple questions

[DarthVader 2004]

She is trying to compose herself but adventually she cannot take his talking on and on while not really answering her first question. "Will you shut up and answer my damn question already."
Harlin glances over at her and for a brief moment she could sense an intense amount of anger but then he goes calm and then speaks.

"I think you do need some rest so why don't you go to your quarters and relax a bit." She decides its a good idea and leaves and a person guides her to her quarters. She soon finds herself going to sleep. Captain McBride comes in. "Will she do our work for us or not." "I have no idea i have not told her yet. "Do Not fail me and my master Daughter or your precious Gambit will be no more."

Captain McBride and Harlin Turned into Mystique and Rogue. "Why did you save the human with his powers." We are taught to save lives not destroy them. Harlin has very powerful moral center to steal from." "My master has worked very hard on this plan for the Supreme God who will rule for thousands of years my daughter."
"This normally is where Scott Summers would say not if we stop you but since the Professor is missing the X-Men are leaderless and not its self.
The Avengers are being hunted and The fantastic four is on another planet."

"Well remember if you do not convince them to do this task Mr Sinister will take him apart piece by piece." Mystique and Rogue turned into there respective counterparts. Deep in the cells of the base a man in a anemantium mask and lock sits in his cell in a meditative state. His eyes open as people walk by. "So you bring her here do you slaves of an inferior God."