Screenwriting Slam, anyone? Bueller?

[Mat]

I thought it would be a good idea to combine our creative talent and competitive spirit in a good 'ol fashioned screenwriting slam...

Here are some rules that I copied from another site that was doing the same thing...

- I will give out a topic at 11:59 pm EST (8:59 PST) on the start date. You have have 48 hours MAX to write a scene or short script based on that topic. Five pages would be an average. Go a bit over? Fall a bit short? Who cares. It's not the size of a writer's submission that matters, it's how well the piece works.

- Post it here.

- At the end of the 48 hours, you have the next twenty hours to read and critique all the other scripts and rank them from the best to the least-best. You critique the scripts on how well they met the task, the quality of the action paragraphs/dialogue, etc. Basically the conventions of script writing. Please do not rank your own script. If you don't rank and critique the scripts, you will be disqualified.

- The SLAM consists of three rounds. The top six from round one move to round two. The top three from round two move on to the final round. The winner of the final round becomes the host of the next competition unless he/she is unable to do it.

- All participants from previous rounds are eligible to vote in future rounds. In fact, they are strongly encouraged to. Just meet the voting deadline and critique/vote for all scripts.

- If you are unable to compete and wish to be a voter on the scripts, sign up here and specifically state you are NOT competing and wish to be a voter ONLY. You must meet the voting deadlines and vote for every script for all 3 rounds. Of course, all competitors are expected to vote. And please, if you do not survive round one, drop by and vote for the other rounds. It would mean a lot.

One thing I'd like to add is that you can only use your own creations. No using Luke Skywalker or your favorite Ashton Kutcher.

I'll set a date when we have enough sign up.

So come on, join the Coalition of the Willing... the coalition of the willing to write your arse off. :D

Signed up:
ip_guru (maybe)
droidguy
Citizen Kane
Neverending
Patrick Bateman
Se7en the movie
CoanBread751

[ip_guru]

I'm interested, but not sure if I have quite enough time. Sounds fun. Consider me in, for the moment.

[droidguy1119]

Are there other rules? Can we not talk about Screenwriting Slam?

And I'm willing. I might be more inclined to write my hands off. I don't know who writes with their arse.

[Mat]

I write my arse off, but it's kind of awkward when your mom walks in on you.

We need more buggers to sign up. Spread the word!

[Citizen Kane]

*signs up*

[Tornado]

I would sign up, but my writing sucks until I turn it into a movie.

[Boro]

i'm feeling kind of lazy. plus syndicate and tornado films have work to do in the near future http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v258/boromir-pso/13.gif http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v258/boromir-pso/59.gif

[Tornado]

Originally posted by boromir-pso
i'm feeling kind of lazy. plus syndicate and tornado films have work to do in the near future http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v258/boromir-pso/13.gif http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v258/boromir-pso/59.gif

That's true I suppose, but Tornado Films should have come first in that list. ;)

[Boro]

Originally posted by Tornado
That's true I suppose, but Tornado Films should have come first in that list. ;)

alphabetical http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v258/boromir-pso/13.gif http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v258/boromir-pso/59.gif

[Tornado]

Not in the credits mate. ;)

[Mat]

Come on, sign up. You'll only have to write as little or as much as you want. It never hurts to try...

We need at least 2-3 more people to sign up... I'd prefer 6 or more, but 5 will work...

The deadline to sign up is tomorrow night...

[droidguy1119]

Pshh, deadline? We don't need no stinking deadline.

[Tornado]

Originally posted by Mat
Come on, sign up. You'll only have to write as little or as much as you want. It never hurts to try...

We need at least 2-3 more people to sign up... I'd prefer 6 or more, but 5 will work...

The deadline to sign up is tomorrow night...

I would sign up mate, but the Star Wars game and my fan fic will take up most of my writing time.

[Mat]

Originally posted by droidguy1119
Pshh, deadline? We don't need no stinking deadline.

Nobody questions MM Matison's authority. Foster, YOU'RE FIRED!

[Neverending]

I'll sign up.

[droidguy1119]

I no understand this 'fired.' What is 'fired'? Does this mean I get more paid? I go back to desk now.

[Mat]

Originally posted by droidguy1119
I no understand this 'fired.' What is 'fired'? Does this mean I get more paid? I go back to desk now.

Paid? You get paid when you do something... GET BACK TO WORK!

[Patrick Bateman]

I would like to sign up as well.

[droidguy1119]

I like my job. It is cool. Like the movie Saw, this thread recieves four out of four Bruce Campbells.

http://img17.photobucket.com/albums/v51/droidguy1119/brucec2.jpghttp://img17.photobucket.com/albums/v51/droidguy1119/brucec2.jpghttp://img17.photobucket.com/albums/v51/droidguy1119/brucec2.jpghttp://img17.photobucket.com/albums/v51/droidguy1119/brucec2.jpg

You just don't get cooler than that.

[Mat]

I think people should join just because this thread has the Bruce Cambell SEAL of Approval.

[droidguy1119]

I agree!

[Mr.Matinee]

I might be up to it,just one thing-is there a limit to how long/short it can be?

[Mat]

No limit, but don't go overboard. Just be brilliant and we won't pay attention to how long it is.

[droidguy1119]

*prepares 9,000 page script*

[Se7en the movie]

since i see Bruce's beautiful face in this thread, i have no choice but to sign up.......

[CoanBread751]

Go ahead and sign me up. IDK if ill have the time so i might get disqualified but ill give it a try.

[Mat]

Ok... here's who we have so far...

ip_guru
droidguy
Citizen Kane
Neverending
Patrick Bateman
Se7en the movie
CoanBread751

I think I'll post the topic tomorrow (Sunday, July 11) around high noon (12:00 pm CST) and give you until midnight (12:00 am CST) Wednesday, July 14. The number that gets into the next round just depends on how many submissions we get in the first round.

Just remember to judge the submissions and rank them best to worst. If you write a submission you MUST review the others. If anyone just wants to review, that's fine, but if you review one, you MUST review all. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, comments, observations...

Feel free to sign up until 12:00 pm CST tomorrow...

[droidguy1119]

Do we post the stuff here when we're done or PM it to you or what?

[Mat]

Post it here...

[droidguy1119]

Alright. I'm using my psychic powers to figure out the topic and get a head start right now.

[Mat]

I guess I'd better start looking for a topic... ;)

[Mat]

Your Round 1 Topic is: (drum roll)

Feuding Neighbors

From Sparta and Athens to Fred and Barney, this topic is as old as Dick Clark's hair. You've got until 12:00 am CST Wednesday to complete a scene or short screenplay based on that topic. After that we rank the screenplays from best to worst and comment on each.

So start scribbling scumbags!

:D

[poashaggy69]

dam i suppose its too late to sign up, cuz i could set aside my current script to this one, if its not too late id like to sign up, or maybe be considered for the next one. thx

[Mat]

Sure you can sign up... just meet the deadline with a damn great script and you're good to go.

[ip_guru]

I'll do my best to get mine posted here soon. The times are tight though. I won't even get home from the office until 6pm tomorrow, so I doubt I can read and critique and rate within the 20 hour suggested time. For me, the times would work better at 4 full days to write and 2 full days to read/critique/rate. And, honestly, that might even get tight. So, just an FYI that I might not be able to stick around for every round....

[Mat]

Don't worry about it... that 20 hour limit is just for another site. I'll adapt it for the needs of our competitors. There's no hurry...

NOW GET WRITING! ;)

[ip_guru]

Originally posted by Mat
NOW GET WRITING! ;)

When are you posting your work? I don't see it yet! ;)

[Mat]

Hey, it wouldn't be fair for me to get a head start on everyone since I knew the topic a day early (I already know next round's topic), so I'm not doing it this time.

Next time though... WATCH OUT!

[ip_guru]

Just a quick point on copyright.

Copyright in the US (and all countries that are part of the World Trade Organization) is automatically extended to the author of a piece of work, when it is written.

All posts, scenes, and scripts posted are automatically the copyright of the poster. Any copying or other reproduction without the poster's consent is illegal.

[ip_guru]

THURSDAY
by ip_guru


EXT. SURBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

A street at night is lit by dimming streetlights. Moths flock to the lights, their shadows dancing on the ground. The quiet neighborhood is filled with very large homes, except for two small one-story homes, one blue and one brown. These two sit side by side, with a ten-foot high fence cutting the grass between the homes in half.

A gloved hand reaches through the night to the back door of the brown house. The door is locked. The man wearing the glove searches for an open door or window, without success.

A light turns on inside the home. The gloved man rushes to hide behind some bushes.

The back door of the brown house opens. A man in his late 20’s peers through the screen door. The gloved man watches him through the bushes. After a few minutes, the man inside closes the door, and the light turns off.

The gloved man retreats back through the night.


INT. BEDROOM – MORNING

JOHN looks in the mirror, sees the deep sleep lines embedded in his face and sighs. He stumbles into the shower to get ready for the day.

In his well kept, but small kitchen, John makes a quick breakfast while watching the morning news. The Van Gogh calendar on the wall reads Tuesday July 13. He reaches for his coat, and heads to the garage.

The one-car garage door opens, and as John is getting into his car, he sees MARK at the end of his driveway, in the street. John was not in the mood to see Mark this morning; he had an important day today.

As he backed his car out of the garage, Mark moved ever so slightly, as to allow John to squeeze past him.


EXT. JOHN’S HOUSE – MORNING

JOHN
Good morning, Mark.

MARK (glaring)
John, what the f**k were you doing in my bushes last night?

JOHN
Me? That was you last night; you were in my bushes, in the back yard. I’ve asked you before to just leave me alone.

MARK
I wasn’t in your bushes, you idiot, you were in mine.

JOHN
I don’t have time for this, all right. We’ve gone through it before, we put up the fence. (frustrated) I’ve got stuff to do; I’m going to work.

John pulls away, looking in his rearview mirror to see Mark still glaring at him.


INT. JOHN’S OFFICE

In a small office cube, John is working furiously at his computer, when his phone rings. He looks at the clock, then at his watch, then at the time on his computer. He stares at the phone for a moment, and then reluctantly picks it up.

JOHN
This is John.

VOICE ON PHONE
The meeting is in five minutes, get your stuff, and meet me in the conference room.

JOHN
All right.

John prints out his last report, adjusts his coat and tie, and heads out of his cube. Walking past row after row of cubes, John says hi to his coworkers as he passes them. Finally, he reaches the conference room.


INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

DAVID, John’s co-worker and very good friend, and ALEX, John’s boss are both in the very modern conference room. KEVIN, John’s co-worker has yet to join them. John arranges his reports and prepares his presentation.

As soon as he has placed the handout at each place, Kevin walks in, and the meeting gets underway. Twenty minutes later, John is wrapping up his presentation.

JOHN
So, as you can see from page seven, we hit our projections in each of the last three quarters…. (he stops, looking out the window of the conference room)

Staring into the conference room through the window is Mark.

ALEX
John? What is it?

JOHN
I’m sorry, please excuse me for a moment.


INT. JOHN’S OFFICE

John quickly leaves the room, closes the door behind him and looks to see that Mark is no longer standing where he was a moment ago. John looks around, and sees Mark heading in the direction of John’s cube. John walks faster to catch him.

JOHN (yelling)
Hey! Mark!

Mark stops, just outside of John’s cube, and turns to face John. Strangely, he is smiling.

MARK
Nice office here. You look like you’re doing quite well for yourself. What are you here, 49th in line to be the assistant secretary to the vice president? Christ, look at this place, do any of the morons working here realize how hopeless they are.

Everyone can hear him; they are all in open cubes. One woman, whose cube is across from John’s looks up at Mark as if to say something.

MARK (without looking at her)
Keep it shut b*tch, this ain’t for you.

She does what she is told, and rolls her chair out of sight.

JOHN
Hey! These are my co-workers and my friends… anyway, what are you doing here?

MARK
I want the house.

JOHN
What?

MARK (louder)
I want your house.

JOHN
Man, I’ve told you this a thousand times. I don’t want to sell it to you. I don’t want to sell it to anyone. It’s where I grew up, and I’m keeping it.

MARK
I could care less that Mom got knocked up there with little Johnny. I’m offering you more than it is worth, now just take it.

Mark is getting louder and walks closer to John. John backs towards his cube. Mark shoves him hard in the chest and John flies back into his cube. As John is falling he reaches out to catch himself and scratches Mark’s arm. With that, mark quickly walks out of the office.


EXT. JOHN’S CAR – EVENING

With the radio on loud, and with the sunroof open, John is driving home. On his left arm is a bandage. When he pulls onto his street, he sees Mark standing right where he was earlier in the day. John has to stop, or he would run Mark over.

MARK
I’m going to give you two days to sell me your house.

JOHN
I’m not selling. Should I put up a bigger fence?

MARK
Two days. I expect you to say yes in two days.

JOHN
It’s not going to happen. Why don’t I buy your house, then you can move?

MARK
Because you don’t have any money smartass. You and I both know that. Two days.

JOHN
Are you threatening me?

MARK
You’re damn right. I’m sick of this sh**t. For three months, I’ve been telling you that I want to buy your house. One way or another, in two days, you’re going to say yes. (pausing, then smiling) Nice band-aid.

Mark backs away, around the fence to his house, and John pulls into his garage.


INT. JOHN’S KITCHEN

John, looking nervous, is making himself something to eat. He cuts a tomato with a very large knife for his sandwich.

JOHN (on phone)
So what do I do? This is impossible…

DAVID
I dunno. Let me at least be there when you talk to him. What time are you guys meeting?

JOHN
He claims that he’ll be knocking on the door at 6pm tomorrow.

DAVID
Damn, not much time. All right, I’ll be there with you.

JOHN
Thanks man.


INT. JOHN’S FRONT ROOM - THURSDAY

Right at 6pm, there is a knock on the door. David and John exchange glances, and David nods to John to open the door. Proudly standing there is Mark. He lets himself in.

MARK
Who is this? This your protection, or your girlfriend?

JOHN
Just a friend, don’t worry about him.

DAVID (talking over John)
F**k you as*hole.

MARK
Whatever. So, how much do I need to offer you. Just tell me a price.

JOHN
I’m not selling. What do I have to do to make you realize this?

MARK
I was afraid you would say that.

Mark reaches behind his back and pulls out a gun, and points it at John

JOHN (stumbles backwards)
Oh Sh**t! C’mon now. This is going way too far. Put the gun down!

David moves slightly behind Mark, and before Mark can turn to face him, David pulls out his own gun, and points it at Mark.

DAVID
Takes two to tango f**ker. Put it down!

JOHN
What the hell are you doing Dave?

DAVID
I thought this scum might bring a gun, so I brought my own. He’s not getting away with this, no way.

Mark backs up a step so he can see both John and David at the same time, but still has his gun pointed at John. Holding the gun at John, he looks at David.

MARK
Dude, you do not want this. This is between me and him. You get out of here, and I won’t kill you. But, if you keep that thing pointed at me, I’ve gotta kill both of you.

DAVID
Can’t do that man. Put it down now, and I might only shoot you in the leg.

In one fast move, Mark swings his arm towards David and fires off a shot. At the same time, David fires a shot at Mark. John sees both men fall backwards to the ground. After the loud noise of the shots, there is silence as both men lie on the floor.

John walks up to them, and kicks them. Neither man moves. John falls backwards into a chair, looking at the two bodies on his floor. A minute later, he hears some muffled sound, too hard to distinguish.

He walks over to the bodies, and sees that both men have their eyes open. They start to laugh, as they get up. Looking at one another and looking at the confused look on John’s face the two men can barely contain their laughter.

DAVID
We got you! Oh man, if you could see your face!

MARK
I can’t believe it worked!

John just stared at them, not saying a word.

MARK
Take that jack*ss!

John just kept staring.

DAVID
Mark here asked me if I wanted to get in on this one time when I was leaving your place. I thought you could take it, so I said sure. Damn dude, we got you good. Man, this is like that one movie. John? Where’re you going?

John walked slowly out of the front room down his hallway. After a few seconds, he returns to the hall, and slowly walks back into the front room. The two men are now quiet, and are looking at John.

JOHN
I hated that movie. It wasn’t funny. Doing that to someone isn’t funny.

DAVD (serious)
C’mon man, lighten up. You ok? (starting to laugh) But, that was funny.

JOHN
No.

John reaches behind his back and pulls out his gun. The two men start to duck for cover when John shoots Mark in the kneecap. Mark lets out an extremely high-pitched shriek, and falls to the ground.

JOHN
Now that sh**t’s funny.

The END

[LordofKings]

VERY GOOD IP GURA.

I know im not in this contest, and i have talked to you before Gura, and WOW, that was some good stuff, a very good read.

No wonder why I always took your advice the most seriously.

GREAT WORK

[Mat]

The ending was unbelievable... but I loved it.

I'll give it a full review when the others come in, buy your's is definately the best so far... ;)

[droidguy1119]

1.
DARKNESS

VOICE (v.o.)
We're all destined for something. Is this what I was destined for, a life of fighting evil? Was everthing I'd ever known as my life, my humble little life, just a big lie in the face of recent events? I wonder. But wait. Let me start...from the beginning.

FADE IN:
SUBURBAN STREET - MORNING

Somewhere unidentifiable, birds chirp, the sun shines, roosters chirp. But the streets are curiously silent.

A newspaper blows by.

Suddenly, the doors of all the houses unlock, and people step out, wearing gardening tools slung over their shoulders, carrying rakes and various tools, decked out like explorers. One by one, they appear, each one more ridiculous than the last, and glare at each other.

After a moment more of glaring, they all move off in different directions, and begin sprucing, gardening, trimming and hedging, all in their own little way. None of them send each other another look.

2.

Next to one of the houses whose owner is outside, the blinds spread a little, and a pair of eyes glance out, looking back and forth.

INT. SUBURBAN HOME - MORNING

We see BRUCE, our 38-year-old hero, tired, weary, drinking coffee, still in his bathrobe. He walks over to the door and goes outside, to his newspaper, as he, the narrator, resumes talking.

BRUCE (VOICE) (v.o)
That's me. I could give a rat's ass about this gardening crap. My lawn didn't look awful, I made sure to keep it good enough that the neighbors couldn't give me serous flak about it. But how does hedge-trimming make one a man? I didn't know. I just knew it was rarely even save to go outside and get my newspaper.

As BRUCE bends down to get his paper, he hears a chainsaw, very loud, right next to him, and whips his head around. There stands CHARLIE, a ridiculously over-designed pair of safety goggles on, holding a chainsaw inches above the hedge that pokes around his fence and into the edge of BRUCE's yard. CHARLIE lifts the goggles and smiles slowly.

CHARLIE
How's it going...Bruce?

BRUCE
Just fine. And you?

CHARLIE
Things are perfectly groovy on this end.

BRUCE (v.o.)
Groovy. Who says 'groovy?' Damn hippie.

BRUCE
So, what's going on? Trimming things up?

CHARLIE
Yeah. Some. What about you? You've got a nice chainsaw, I seem to recall. You could do some trimming of your own hedge.

BRUCE
How and when I trim my hedge is none of your concern. And neither is the quality of my chainsaw.

CHARLIE
But --

BRUCE
What's the matter, Charlie? Chainsaw envy?

CHARLIE
Of course not. I just thought your yard could use some...sprucing up.

BRUCE turns around and looks at his yard. It isn't awful, but there is a sheet of leaves and sticks covering his grass and sidewalk. BRUCE takes a sip of his coffee and looks back at CHARLIE.

BRUCE
Don't you worry. I'll be sure to take care of that today, so you and your namby-pamby little friends can have a perfectly harmonious neighborhood. No guarantees on hedge-trimming, though.

CHARLIE puts on his goggles again, and revs the chainsaw.

CHARLIE
Much appreciated...neighbor.

BRUCE (v.o.)
He gave me the creeps. I don't think I was at fault in that department, for finding Charlie to be one unusual character. But I made the mistake of pissing him off.

CUT TO:

3.

INT. BRUCE'S HOUSE - NOON

We see, in a succession of shots, BRUCE's bathrobe lying on the floor, his newspaper already in the recycling bin, and his empty coffee cup on the table.

EXT. BRUCE'S HOUSE - NOON

In the back of BRUCE's yard, we see a small red toolshed. Innocuous, but ominous. The door sways a little in the wind.

We see a boot lift up off the floor, and kick the door open. BRUCE steps out, armed with a backpack assisted leaf-blower and dark goggles.

BRUCE
Time to clean things up, baby.

The leaf-blower goes on, and a hail of leaves and sticks starts flying everywhere.

BRUCE makes his way through his yard, blowing leaves around. A BIKER rides past, staring, and BRUCE stops to look at him.

BIKER
Hey, you're blowing that **** everywhere! You're making a mess!

BRUCE points the blower at the BIKER's face, causing his mouth to balloon up, and him and his bike to fall over. BRUCE turns back to his work. We see a montage of BRUCE, cleaning patches off, working his way around the yard, sweating, and looking determined. Finally, we see him in his driveway, goggles off, and hands on his hips.

BRUCE
Yeah.

His lawn is now free of leaves and sticks. It looks pristine from corner to corner. His hedges could use trimming and his lawn could stand to be mowed, but it looks quite good for what it looked like before.

BRUCE (v.o.)
I didn't think anything of it then. If only I had. Because I just figured wherever those leaves were going, some anal neighbor would just sweep em up. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

4.

On "wrong" CUT TO:

DRIVEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON

A foot steps on a leaf, and stops. Pondering this leaf's presence, another step is taken, and more leaves are found. A bag of groceries falls into frame. Car keys hit the ground also, and more leaves become visible as we pan up to see CHARLIE, looking horrified.

BRUCE has blown all his leaves into CHARLIE's yard. They are embedded in the hedge, all over CHARLIE's driveway, stuck in CHARLIE's tree. BRUCE has even accidentally knocked over CHARLIE's lawn gnome with his leaf-blower. CHARLIE screams in agony, and sinks to his knees, weeping. But as he stares at the ground, he sees a leaf, and picks it up. Something is dawning on CHARLIE. He then looks to his left and sees a bootprint on the ground, and points slowly to BRUCE's house. He clenches his fist, crushing the leaf, and goes inside.

INT. BRUCE'S HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON

BRUCE is watching TV. After about ten seconds, we hear the noises of a chainsaw, and see a giant tree falling in the background, which comes crashing down feet away from BRUCE's house with a loud cracking and snapping, and the whole house shakes. BRUCE leaps out of his chair, and runs around outside, to see that the top of the tree has smashed right through his porch, and has left scratchings on the side of his house. BRUCE looks at the fence, to see CHARLIE, holding his chainsaw, and grinning and waving at him.

BRUCE
What the **** are you doing?

CHARLIE
Sorry! I think the porch is fixable. Meanwhile, don't worry about it, it's just a bunch of insignificant sticks and leaves. No hard feelings.

BRUCE
No hard feelings? You just dropped a tree through my porch, *******!

CHARLIE
Well, seeing as your leaves are all over my lawn, I think that makes us even!

BRUCE
I'll show you even.

BRUCE runs back into his house. CHARLIE looks surprised, and runs away.

CUT TO:
In BRUCE's backyard, the door to the shed just comes flying off, and BRUCE steps out holding a massive silver chainsaw. He turns to the left and looks at the fence.

BRUCE
Hand-finished, fine lacquer, imported wood, piece of crap fence...let's see how you like this, buddy.

BRUCE revs the chainsaw and shoves the end into the fence, and starts walking, cutting a long line in the fence. Over in CHARLIE's yard, CHARLIE, somewhere else, hears the sound of the chainsaw, and turns around.

BRUCE has cut about halfway when CHARLIE screams.

CHARLIE
NO! NO! NO, how could you! HOW COULD YOU!?

A boot comes through the fence, kicking BRUCE in the stomach and sending him flying. The chainsaw flies out of BRUCE's grasp, hitting the ground and shutting off. BRUCE turns back to look at CHARLIE, rage in his eyes.

BRUCE
Alright, pal. That's it. You're asking for it.

BRUCE picks up a hoe with his left hand, lifts it over his head, spinning it, and swings it, edge first, at CHARLIE. CHARLIE blocks with a rake, and they begin to duel with the rake and hoe. They meet each others swings, but BRUCE seems to be stronger. BRUCE forces CHARLIE's rake to the ground, but CHARLIE elbows BRUCE and brings it back up. There are leaves stuck to it. CHARLIE charges on BRUCE, but BRUCE throws a box of weed-killer into CHARLIE's face, and CHARLIE stumbles back, screaming.

BRUCE gets ready to swing again, but CHARLIE, still screaming and now smoking, runs into his house. BRUCE looks a little worried.

BRUCE
Hey, there...I didn't mean to...are you...all right?

BRUCE drops his hoe, picks up the chainsaw, and walks into CHARLIE's house.

5.

INT. CHARLIE'S HOUSE

CHARLIE'S house is strange. While everything inside of it looks normal, there is an eerie feel about it, a strange setup that feels off. A sickly scent hangs in the air. BRUCE covers his nose.

BRUCE
Charlie? Charlie, are you okay?

There is no response. BRUCE goes around to the stairs, still looking. Everything in the house is very white. BRUCE gags at the smell, and coughs into his shirt. He walks upstairs, still looking around.

BRUCE
Charlie! Charlie, where are you?

There is a muted scream from down the hall, and BRUCE turns to look that way. BRUCE starts walking down the hallway, still unconsciously holding the chainsaw, looking around.

BRUCE
Charlie?

CHARLIE bursts out of the room right next to BRUCE, screaming. BRUCE screams himself and drops the chainsaw again. The two roll over, wrestling, and BRUCE stares at CHARLIE's face in horror.

Most of it is burned away. Underneath, a sickly green creature can be seen. BRUCE gapes in horror, then kicks CHARLIE as hard as possible, into a closet and backs up.

BRUCE
Charlie! WHAT THE **** ARE YOU!?

CHARLIE gets up slowly. BRUCE lifts himself up using a doorknob, but slips and the door swings open. BRUCE looks up and covers his face as he sees an entire closetful of cleaners and sprays topples onto him. BRUCE looks horrified.

CHARLIE
Bruuuuuce...you don't know what it's like...living in pure filth all the time...

BRUCE
What the hell are you talking about? And what the hell are you?

CHARLIE
I am from another planet, far away from here. There, they don't care about cleanliness! They don't give a **** about appearances, or looks or any of that. It's DISGUSTING! Those foul creatures, living in their own filth!

BRUCE
So you escaped...you left.

CHARLIE
Yes...but I am not the only one who hates it. We all hate it. And we all leave, each and every one of us, a walking mound of disease, going to another planet, cleaning up, getting in, and then suddenly...spreading. A virus. I am to leave this planet a shell...a thriving infestation...which will all go on to...new planets.

CHARLIE starts advancing toward BRUCE.

CHARLIE
Meanwhile, I am tortured to keep this place as clean as possible...while I keep up my facade...

BRUCE
What's the facade for...why wait, that's what I always say.

CHARLIE
Just a little change of pace...general ritual...a peace before the storm...maybe one day...we can be cleaner...live a pristine life.

BRUCE
Sorry, buddy. Not you.

BRUCE kicks up a bottle, and catches it, spraying CHARLIE in the face. CHARLIE screams and begins to melt, hissing and smoking the whole time. BRUCE picks up a bucket of of bleach, and pries it open, looking at CHARLIE.

BRUCE
Consider yourself Windexed out of the picture.

CHARLIE
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BRUCE throws thee whole bucket on CHARLIE, coating him from head to toe and causing him to explode into tiny chunks of his fake body. BRUCE backs up, picks up his chainsaw, and looks around. There is a shotgun on CHARLIE's wall. BRUCE takes it. He is about to leave when he hears a sound, and turns around to see CHARLIE's hand, pressing a button on a wall, and hears CHARLIE whisper...

CHARLIE
Time to remove the evidence...

BRUCE
Oh, ****.

BRUCE breaks through the glass sliding door and kicks through the upper porch railing as the upper floors of CHARLIE's house explodes, sending debris in all directions.

As the shockwave clears, BRUCE stands up, charred. He holds his chainsaw and gun, and stares at the burning house, then behind him at the neighbors who have dropped their tools and are shaking their heads.

BRUCE (v.o.)
He'd been posessing them, controlling their minds from the sattellite dish on his roof. Our neighborhood, our little, once-peaceful neighborhood was a shining beacon for those creatures. They could see our cleanliness from a mile away. It's my job to save this planet now, to find and kill Charlie's contact on earth, before they could clean things up around here, if you get my drift.

Fade out.

Fade in BRUCE's eyes, staring.

BRUCE (v.o.)
I didn't ask for this job. But now it belongs to me. I have to kill her.

BRUCE's eyes close for a moment, and then open again.

BRUCE (v.o.)
Martha Stewart.

SMASH CUT TO BLACK.

[CoanBread751]

Not going to review it yet but that was ****ing amazing Droidguy. Omg that was some funny Bruce Camobell ****. THeres not even a point in posting mine now.lol that is if I ever get it done.

[Halofan1]

I know I'm late, but can I still sign up?

[ip_guru]

Originally posted by Halofan1
I know I'm late, but can I still sign up?

I hope so, this is all for fun!

[Mat]

Originally posted by Halofan1
I know I'm late, but can I still sign up?

Sure... try to get it in ASAP though.

Remember... the topic is Feuding Neighbors

[Se7en the movie]

Sorry, its a little short.......

EXT. LONG DESERTED ROAD – DAY

FADE IN

Tumbleweed blows across a long tarmac road surrounded by desert. In the distance, two small identical buildings sit at opposite sides of the road. Still in the distance, a man walks out of the building on the left and stands at the side of the road for a moment. Suddenly a loud whistle is heard and from the building on the right another man rushes out and stops at the side of the road.

RICK (Irate)
Hey! Hey, what the hell are you doing out here?

DREW
I’m just going for a walk

RICK
What? No, no, no we agreed we wouldn’t make any changes without consulting the other.

DREW
Seriously, I’m just out for a walk

RICK
You were putting up a sign weren’t you

DREW
You’re too paranoid for your own good, you know that?

RIC (Pointing at Drew’s shop)
God damn it, get back in there!

DREW
There isn’t anyone coming!

RICK
Get in!

DREW
Make me!

RICK
You son of a *****, don’t make me cross this road!

DREW
You’re a dick

Drew turns around and walks to the door of his shop, then stops and walks back the road.

RICK
Don’t you come back! God damn you! You should’ve stayed where you were buddy!

Rick turns around and walks hurriedly back to his shop. Drew waits at the road and watches Rick leave. After a few moments Rick reappears from his shop wielding a large shovel. He quickly reaches the road and draws back with the shovel as if he is going to hit Drew

DREW (Concerned)
What are you doing? Stay over there, that’s what we agreed!

RICK
I said I’d do it one day buddy! I told you! You pushed me!

As Rick takes a step onto the road they hear a knocking. The two stop moving and look to their right, up the road. In the distance a figure can be seen. The two continue watching and eventually see a tall, slender, beautiful woman in a black dress and black heels walking down the road towards them. The two men look at each other, Rick suddenly drops the shovel and runs back to his shop and Drew does the same. The woman makes her way up the road and as she passes the shops, Rick and Drew sprint out of their shop, holding bottles of water and sandwiches in both hands. The two rush to the woman.

RICK
Visit ‘Rick’s’ the best water and sandwiches this side of the Sahara!

DREW
‘Drews’ for all your water and sandwich needs!

WOMAN
No thanks guys, I have to go

The woman doesn’t stop walking, she just continues moving up the road with the two men following her.

DREW
I assure you miss, if you get better water somewhere else, I’ll close down and get into another profession! That’s how sure I am that you’ve never had better!

RICK
He’s lying! He peed in it!

Drew stops and looks at Rick.

DREW
Hey what the hell is that man!

Rick is still following the woman down the road while Drew has stopped further back

RICK
(To Drew) What? You peed in the water! (To the woman) He peed in it!

Drew throws down the food and drink. He then races at Rick and tackles him to the ground. They leave the woman to walk up the road and disappear. Drew is now on top of Rick, he punches him across the face but Rick then grabs Drew by the waist and throws him to the side off his stomach. The two stumble to their feet, Drew punches Rick in the stomach. Rick folds over; clutching his stomach but regains enough energy to punch Drew in the face sending him down to the ground. Rick bends over and lifts Drew to his feet and gets ready to punch him again in the face until they hear the rumbling in the far distance. The two stop moving look up the street and in the very far distance a truck can barely be seen. Rick and Drew races to grab the food and water they had dropped and together sprint down the road towards the truck

FADE OUT

[CoanBread751]

Sorry man im not going to be able to finish mine. Some stuff came up with the family.

[droidguy1119]

That's a shame, CoanBread. Hopefully you mean your family is going somewhere or something, not like something bad happened.

[poashaggy69]

yeah i never got to finishing mine either, i dont think ill have time, but if i pull something outta my ass ill post it on here, its going ok so far. i dunno. although i really dont know wut "good" is, i just started.

[Halofan1]

Originally posted by Mat
Sure... try to get it in ASAP though.

Remember... the topic is Feuding Neighbors

I don't think I can get it in in time. If possible I'd like to participate in the next topic and so forth.

[beyond_th3]

is the deadline closed? because I would really like to participate.

[Mat]

Yes, write... I'll extend the deadline ONE extra day till Midnight CST tomorrow.

Get Writing!

[droidguy1119]

So I toiled myself out, staying up from 4:15 AM to 6:15 AM for nothing!? Pah on you :p

[Patrick Bateman]

Good, i see you are giving us another day. I tore a quad muscle in my leg over the weekend, so I have been resting and not writing. I am new to the site so I hope this doesn't hurt my credibility but I will try and get something together for tomorrow.

[Citizen Kane]

I'm going to be gone for most of tomorrow...Would it be possible for me to turn it in when I get back?

[droidguy1119]

Ehh, I think with a day's extension already it is much to ask to turn yours in late even if you are gone.

Just try to get it in by 12:00 CST.

[Mat]

Yeah, it's tonight or never.

[todd philip]

You know people, i have been writing something. ;)

[poashaggy69]

yeah i got nothin seriously, but i promise to do the next one. you have my word.

[Se7en the movie]

Originally posted by Patrick Bateman
Good, i see you are giving us another day. I tore a quad muscle in my leg over the weekend, so I have been resting and not writing. I am new to the site so I hope this doesn't hurt my credibility but I will try and get something together for tomorrow.

you write with your leg now? :p

[Patrick Bateman]

Yeah, I write with my leg. That is where all of my talent is. I couldn't sit in my computer chair if I wanted to this past weekend. Pain killers and the heating pad has worked wonders. I have something in the works, mine will be ready for later.

[beyond_th3]

EXT. JAKES HOUSE - DAY

On a bright and cloudy day, a young man in his early thirites was satisfied. Finally JAKE and his family were moving into their dream house, leaving behind all the troubles of the past to start a new life. Jakes' family consisted of his beautiful wife ELIZABETH and their loving daughter JULIE.

They had alot of stuff to unpack and it seemed clear to Jake that he would need some help. Luckily a man walked up to him and introduced himself.

MAN
Welcome to the neighborhood friend, I am JOHN.

JAKE
Nice to meet you John, I'm Jake and this is my wife Elizabeth and my daughter Julie

JOHN
Hello Elizabeth......Julie. Hey man looks like you could use some help.

JAKE
No not really I...

Before Jake could finish his sentence, Elizabeth interupted.

ELIZABETH
Sure we do. Here you could take this.

She handed him a box which was labled "fragile".

JOHN
Happy to help a neighbor and hopefully a friend.

Jake, looking into John's eyes, became suspicous of his actions.

JAKE
A friend? We'll have to see about that.

Julie, Jakes' daughter was bored and restless.

JULIE
Hey Mr. John, do you have any children?

JOHN
Why yes of course. My daughter is in the house. she is about your age. Her name is KRISTI. Hey Kristi!

Kristi ran out of the house to see what her father wanted.

KRISTI
Yes dad?

JOHN
I want you to meet somebody. This is Julie our new neighbor, and this is her parents Jake and Elizabeth.

KRISTI
Hello everybody. Hi Julie. Do you want to come play with me?

JULIE
Sure. Mom...Dad...Can I go play with her?

Jake unsure that his daughter should be making new friends when they just barely moved in answered.

JAKE
No honey maybe ano.........

Jake was interupted by Elizabeth once again.

ELIZABETH
Sure honey, just be back at a reasonable time.

Jake looked at Elizabeth with an angry face.

JULIE
Thanks mom. I'll be back soon.

The two girls ran into the house.

JAKE
So John where's the misses?

JOHN
Oh my wife died a while back when Kristi was just born.

JAKE
Oh I am sorry. So no lucky lady in your life?

JOHN
No not yet.

With a smirk on his face he looked at Elizabeth as she walked into the house.

JOHN(v.o.)
But I would like to get to know your wife much better.

Jake looked at John as if he heard what he said.

JAKE
Well thanks John but I think we have it covered from here.

JOHN
You sure? It looks like you have alot of stuff and I know you don't want this pretty lady getting dirty and sweaty unpacking these heavy boxes.

John looked at Elizabeth with a smile. Jake was furious. He could not believe that this guy was hitting on his wife in front of his face.

JAKE
I.....Guess you're right. Honey can you look in the fridge and bring us a couple of beers.

Elizabeth
Sure honey.

John grabbed a heavy box.

JOHN
Hey Jake where do you want me to put this?

Jake responded as if he were niave.

JAKE
Oh yeah that box goes into the kitchen. Ask Elizabeth where she wants it.

John responded with a very sarcastic tone.

JOHN
I sure will. Be back in a sec.

Five minutes had passed and neither John nor Elizabeth came out of the house. Jake got suspicious and went to call his wifes name.

JAKE
Elizabeth! Elizabeth!

ELIZABETH
Yes honey? Oh thats right I forgot the beers. my mom was on the phone asking me about the neighborhood. I'll go get them now.

Jake in an anxious tone.

JAKE
No! I'll get them. Have you seen John?

ELIZABETH
No why where is he?

JAKE
He went to bring a box into the kitchen. Weren't you in the kitchen?

ELIZABETH
No I was in the bathroom, but I just walked through the kitchen and no one was in there.

JAKE
Really??

Jake went into the house to see where John had gone to, but the house was empty. Jake called out his name.

JAKE
John! John! Where are you?

Just as Jake came out of the house, John was coming out of his house.

JAKE
How the hell did you get over there?

JOHN
The kids were playing in the back yard and I had to go tell them to go back in the house. Then I went to my bathroom.

JAKE
Oh Okay.

The two men unloaded the truck for another two hours. When they finally finished, they sat on the porch and got to know each other better talking about likes and dislikes.

JAKE
I like you. you're a cool guy.

JOHN
yeah you're not so bad yourself(sarcastically).

They both began to laugh and finished drinking their beers. After a little while, John looked at his watched.

JOHN
Damn its eight already? I gotta go and make dinner for Kristi. I'll catch up with you later.

JAKE
Alright. Hey John can Julie eat with you guys? I would like a little alone time with Elizabeth for a little while.

JOHN
Sure. Just knock on the door when you're ready for her.

JAKE
Thanks man.

JOHN
No problem, anytime.

John went into his house, Jake went into his.

INT. JAKES HOUSE - NIGHT

Jake and Elizabeth were sitting in the living room talking, when Jake realized that Elizabeth's ring was not on her finger.

JAKE
Honey where's your ring?

ELIZABETH
I put it on the dresser upstairs. I was starting to wash some of the dishes that were in the box. Hold on let me get it.

JAKE began to think negatively. He spoke to himself.

JAKE
She wouldn't do it to me, would she?

ELIZABETH
JAKE. Honey I can't find it, but I know I put it here.

Jake immediately blamed John. He went into the bedroom and and as he looked around he noticed the box that John carried into the house was in his room.

JAKE
What the hell? The son of a b****. I'm gonna kick his a**.

ELIZABETH
What....What are you talking about?

Elizabeth now scared and nervous looks upon the face of her angry husband as he walks out of the room.

EXT. JOHN'S FRONT PORCH - NIGHT

Jake, with his hands balled into a fist walked out of his house and knocked hard on John's door. Elizabeth now scared because she never saw her husband that angry pleaded with Jake.

ELIZABETH
Jake! Please don't do anything stupid.

JAKE
No honey, he stole your ring and now he's gonna pay.

John opens his door and sees Jake. He walks out into the porch.

JOHN
Hey man, whtas up.

Jake spoke no words and punched John in the face.

JAKE
You son of a b****! Where is it? Huh? Where is my wife's ring?

JOHN
What ring?

JAKE
Her wedding ring. What the hell were you doing in my room? Huh buddy? Where's her godd*** ring? You better hand it over or I will pound your face in.

JOHN
I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't in your room I dropped the box in their on my way to the bathroom. I swear I did not take your wife's ring.

Jake looked at John and saw how scared he was. he let go of John and began to walk back to his house.

JAKE
You better hope I find that ring or I am really gonna kick your a**!

JOHN
I'm telling you I didn't take it.

Jake slammed his door. John holding his face began to walk slowly into his house. He began to talk to himself.

JOHN
That was close. I thought he found out about me and Elizabeth.


INT. JAKE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Jake still furious looked at his wife and began to apologize.

JAKE
Honey I'm sorry. I didn't mean to outburst like that.

Elizabeth looking at him with pity wept a tear.

ELIZABETH
Oh baby its okay. You showed that you love me. Now lets look for that ring, maybe I did move it somewhere else.

Jake got up and kissed his wife passionately. They started to look for the ring when Elizabeth mentioned Julie.

ELIZABETH
Oh my god I forgot about Julie. It is way past her bed time. We gotta go get her.

JAKE
No you can go get her. I don't even want to look at his face. Its a shame that this is the first day and already I have found an enemy.

ELIZABETH
Alright I 'm going to get her now. Keep looking. And I'll apologize to John for you.

Elizabeth left. Jake began to think about what John said.

JAKE
Wait a minute he said he had used his bathroom.

Jake looked very confused his suspicions crept into his mind yet again.

JAKE
That lying bastard!

INT. KRISTI'S ROOM - NIGHT

During all the fighting and screaming, the girls heard none of it. they wer playing dress up.

Kristi had a small wedding dress that she put on and Julie knew the perfect accessory. She ran into her house went to her parents room and found it. Julie came back with a smile on her face.

JULIE
Look my mom's wedding ring. Now you can look like a real bride.

Fade To Black.

[Patrick Bateman]

hold on

[Patrick Bateman]

For some reasons the spaces didn't come out right. It is fixed now. I am going to make this a bigger story I think. There was so much more that I wanted to add to it. Enjoy!



Happy Graduation
by
Patrick Bateman

V.O.
David and Greg had always been best friends. They grew up in the same neighborhood and did everything together. For ten years these two have been inseparable. This is their last year in high school and they have great things heading their way in life. Nothing could ever tear these two apart…or so they thought.

FADE IN-
EXT- OUTSIDE IN A SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD, SPRING LIKE EVENING

DAVID and GREG are in the middle of the street throwing a football. Greg misses a throw, David says something sarcastic and Greg looks back and gives him the finger. Their focus is broken when a van pulls into the driveway of a house that has a Sold sign posted in the front yard. The two gather beside each other to watch. A man gets out of the van and opens the front door. He turns back to the van.

MAN
Welcome home!!!!

GREG
This must be the family that bought the house.

DAVID
Wow, you figured that out all by yourself? You’re a damn genius. Hopefully someone our age will be moving in….and they can catch the ball, unlike some people around here.

GREG
F*** you.

About that time the doors to the van open and out comes an older woman and from the other side of the van appears a blonde haired girl that matches the age of Greg and David. Both of their eyes get big.

DAVID
Screw the football, I got something else she can catch.

GREG
What can she catch from you ? Crabs, herpes? You wish you will have chance with her, I am going over to help. I will catch you later.

David regains his focus on what Greg just said.

DAVID
Catch you later my ass, I am going to help. You have reports or something to finish…better yet just go jack it in the corner as you think about what you wish you could to her. I will give you details along with a videotape and a Power Point presentation when I am through with her.

The boys continue arguing as they reach the front yard of the families house. Just as they were about to get louder with each other. The FATHER appears at the front door. The boys suddenly stop, look up, and smile.

FATHER
Why hello there boys! We are your new neighbors. How about giving us a hand with some of the things we have in the van? Our U-Haul isn’t expected to come for another day or so.

DAVID
Sure, we can help you with whatever you need.

The father leads the boys to the van, both are hardly paying attention to the directions the father is giving. They are looking for the girl. Before they can locate her, their hands are filled with a box.

FATHER
O.K. boys, take it to the second floor and these go on the second room on your left.


They both nod at the father and head towards the house.

INT- FAMILY’S HOUSE
They get to the top of the steps and are searching for the girl. They reach the second room on the left and see no sign of their prize. They place the boxes down and head back outside. Just as they reach the front door, the girl appears in front of them. Both of them are speechless until David breaks the brief silence.

DAVID (being charming)
Hi…..I am David. I live across the street from you…..I…

GREG (interrupting and grabbing her hand)
Hi, I am Greg. I live just right next door to you, if you need anything at all. Feel free to find at anytime. My window is the one right beside my front door. Just knock and I will come to your aid.

David looks pissed and goes to say something to Greg when the father comes from the Living Room.

FATHER
Hey boys, I see you met my daughter STEPHANIE.

STEPHANIE (smiling)
Hi

FATHER
Stephanie will be going to school with you guys, hopefully you become great friends. I have to finish bringing the last boxes. Boys, you didn’t carry much, but I do appreciate the help. Thank you.

GREG & DAVID
You are welcome

They turn their focus back on Stephanie.

DAVID
So you are going to go to school with us, that’s great.

STEPH
Yeah, I am looking forward to starting something new. Things in my old town were just starting to kill me. I am excited to start over and meet new friends.

GREG
That is great to here. I am in need of a new friend myself. David here is President of the Math club at school so his time is completely filled up.

David just glares at Greg and goes to say something when he gets interrupted by the Father once again.

FATHER
Stephanie, we have to get ready to go sweetheart, we are going out to dinner. I will see you boys around, thanks again for helping out.

The father heads upstairs leaving the three to say good-bye.

STEPH
Well guys, hopefully I will see you soon so we can get to know each other.

GREG (picking up Steph’s hand to kiss it)
I promise that, you take care and welcome to the neighborhood.

DAVID (winking)
If you need anything, I am right next door. You can ring my doorbell at anytime instead of knocking on the window.

STEPH (smiling)
Ok guys, I will see you later.

She moves aside to let them out the door and the closes it.

DAVID
You are the biggest A**hole I have ever met. President of the f****** Math club? What the hell was that about? I have never seen someone lay it so goddamn thick. I thought that I needed a shovel to get the hell out of the house.

GREG
Go to hell, you are just mad that I got the upper hand. You came off weak and just mad at me that I was quicker on my feet to react to such a beautiful creature as that.

DAVID
That’s o.k., we will see who wins her heart.

GREG
That is right, I guess we will see….a**hole. I am going home.

Greg heads to his house, as well as David.



The next few months got interesting as school was starting to end. Both fought for the attention and affection of the lovely Stephanie. Greg would be faster than David on some days and take her to the park, out to dinner, and movies. David would also be cute and skip school all together to catch her when she got home. Stephanie seemed to be fond of both David and Greg. David and Greg started not to be fond of each other. Graduation Day was three days away and Greg told David that he was going to ask Stephanie out once and for all because he wanted her for himself and he was ready to deal with the consequences of his actions. David plain out gave up and told Greg that he hope he would be happy with his decision to ditch their longtime friendship for a girl. They didn’t talk to each other at all. Graduation Day came, Stephanie, David, and Greg walked across the stage to gather their diploma and to head off into their bright new futures.

Later that night……

FADE IN-
EXT-SAME NEIGHBORHOOD, NIGHT

Stephanie makes her way across the street to David’s house. She is holding a package in her hand. She reaches the door and rings the bell. David answers the door and invites her in. He leads her into the living room and they have a seat on the couch.

INT- DAVID’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM


DAVID
My parents are still at the Graduation party that was being held for me at my Aunt’s. They are so drunk, they didn’t even see me leave.

STEPH
Good, I would rather have you all to myself anyway with any interruptions.

DAVID
Better not let Greg here you say that, he would come and knock this door down. I am sure that he has professed his love to you already. Is that why you are here? To tell me that you are sorry and I have no chance in hell with you?

STEPH
Yes, I am over here to explain that to you. David, I have liked you from the start. I never really did care much for Greg. But I thought that if I didn’t show Greg respect, that you would not like me. That would crush me if that was true. I played along with him, I never kissed him, I never did much more than a hug and holding hands. I like you David and it is quickly turning into love. I enjoy the times that we spend together and at night, I fall asleep thinking of a future with you. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t around.

David looks like he is in shock over what he is hearing. At the same time he is fearing Greg’s reaction to what is about to unfold. Steph continues.

STEPH
I did something drastic tonight and I just hope that the outcome doesn’t affect things between you and I. God, that would kill me. I told Greg that I was falling madly in love with you. He was basically speechless. He then started calling me names and saying that he would tell you all of these wild things to turn you off from me. I finally convinced him to see things my way and he is fine with all of this and wishes us luck in the future…believe it or not.

DAVID
Wow, Greg backed down and he accepts us being together.

Steph nods, David jumps up.

DAVID
This is great!!! I have to call and thank him right now for being a great understanding friend.

David calls, but no one answers the phone at Greg’s house.

DAVID
Hmm…maybe he stepped out to let this sink in…perhaps I will call him tomorrow.

STEPH
Good idea, now get over here and your Graduation present silly!


Steph gives David a kiss as she hands him the box. David rushes to open it, he finally gets the last of the tape undone and opens the box. There inside was Greg’s head.

STEPH
Happy Graduation David!!!!!

[Citizen Kane]

NOTE: This was really a last ditch effort to write this. I had a bunch of ideas, but most were too elaborate. So if it sucks, that's why. :p

Hitler on Ice:
by Citizen Kane

PROFUNDO:

Bass.

BASS:

Yes.

PROFUNDO:

I have to tell you something.

BASS:

What.

PROFUNDO:

Your wife. She has a magnificent ass.

BASS:

Shut the **** up.

PROFUNDO:

No, seriously. The thing is nice. You shouldn’t let in out in public. You shouldn’t let her out either; she’s quite annoying.

BASS:

So what, you’ve…been staring at my wife’s ass. Is that it?

PROFUNDO:

No, not at all. I mean, she really isn’t worth staring at.

BASS:

Yes, and I’m sure you know. I guess porn is worth staring at?

PROFUNDO:

Of course it is. I mean, it’s porn, dumbass.
BASS:

I hate porn. It’s boring

PROFUNDO:

It’s porn.

BASS:

It’s boring.

PROFUNDO:

It’s porn.

PROFUNDO: (cont’d)

Anyways….I was hedging. Hedging the hedges. Chopping the hedges with a hedger.

BASS:

What the hell are you, a barber?

PROFUNDO:

….That made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Anyway…I was neutralizing the hedges, when I noticed…your wife’s ass. It was…vibrating.

(BASS stares.)

PROFUNDO:

Well….It was like….her ass was a cellphone, in a movie theater. It wasn’t ringing…but vibrating.

BASS:

Maybe she’s a robot.

PROFUNDO:

I think you’re right. You should sever one of her fingers…to test it.

BASS:

Maybe I should sever one of your fingers.

PROFUNDO:

You’re ****ing psychopath.

CUT TO:

(BASS’S window. A tree falls over.)

(BASS walks outside and sees PROFUNDO standing over the dead tree with a chainsaw.)

PROFUNDO:

It was an accident.

CUT TO:

BASS:

Profundo...A few of us...think you're mentally insane. We've called some people. They're coming for you, so you might want to pack your things.

PROFUNDO:

Takes one to know one.

BASS:

Bill...if we were both crazy, neither of us would know that the other was crazy.

PROFUNDO:

That's exactly what a maniac would say.

CUT TO:

(BASS’S yard. A dead poodle lies in the lawn. It is PROFUNDO’S dog.)

BASS:

Profundo…I have a sleepwalking problem. They call it somnambulism. I mean, I didn’t intend to kill the dog. It just sort of happened, it was like I was dreaming it.

PROFUNDO:

Ok.

BASS:

The dream was quite satisfying.

(PROFUNDO shoots one of BASS’s trees. It explodes.)

(PROFUNDO’s other dog runs out to comfort HIS master. JACK BLACK rides up on a motorcycle, steals the dog, and punts it up into the air. It lands in a chimmeny and falls down into the fireplace, and dies. JACK BLACK rides off and runs into a Moving Truck. HE dies.)

(The NEW NEIGHBOR rides up in a bus. HE gets out. The bus disappears. The NEIGHBOR has red hair. The new neighbor is CARROT TOP.)

CARROT TOP:

Afternoon, ****ers!

(PROFUNDO shoots CARROT TOP with the gun.)

Credits:
Jeff Daniels as Bass
Steve Carrell as Profundo

FIN

[Mat]

Ok... this round is officially OVER

Now rank the screenplays from best to worst and throw some helpful comments in for the kiddies. Just DO NOT rank your own.

The top 4 get to go to the next round... now, read and review!

[Brock Landers]

Is there maybe a way to get in to the next one? I'm really, really, rusty at screenwriting(I'm talking Pete Rose coming back to baseball like-rusty).......

[Se7en the movie]

1. Patrick Bateman - seemed kinda ordinary to begin with but it had a killer ending...
2. Droidguy - funny, not really sure what else to say, i liked it.
3. Citizen Kane - weird, original and quite funny :applaud: but it wasnt really about anything......
4. ip_guru - again, good ending but i just wasnt mad about the story as a whole.
5. beyond_th3 - I liked the ending but i thought the beginning was a little cliche and forced....

[poashaggy69]

holy crap bateman, the head of greg? that is seriously messed up. she must be one of the sisters or something of norman bates. my list is the same as his ^^^]

[Se7en the movie]

HIS? i have a name you know....

[Mat]

Originally posted by Brock Landers
Is there maybe a way to get in to the next one? I'm really, really, rusty at screenwriting(I'm talking Pete Rose coming back to baseball like-rusty).......

After the next two rounds, the winner will choose new topics and the game will start over. New competitors can join then.

Feel free to judge the current entries though.

[Mat]

1. Droidguy: Very funny and professionally done. I can only imagine who would play your two main characters. ;)
2. ip_guru: Professionally done with a very good ending.
3. CK: Very funny... what else can I say?
4. Seven: unique, but it really went nowhere.
5. Patrick Bateman: Mostly dull... ending is unique but gimmicky
6. beyond_th3: Easy to follow, yet very cliche and dull.

Thanks for entering, guys. Hope I wasn't too harsh... :p

[King_Strider]

1. Droidguy: Hilarious! Great plot and characters! You took the topic and gave it an imaginative twist- well done! :)

2. ip_guru: Enjoyable little story with a great ending!

3. Citizen Kane: Odd, yet strangely compelling!

4. Se7en the movie: Could have used a little fleshing out, but great concept nonetheless :)

5. Patrick Bateman: Theres some great dialogue and a killer ending (no pun intended :p) there... but I agree with your comment that the story would benefit with some expansion.

6. Beyond_th3: The plot seemed a little static and forced. The apparent 'affair' could have been fleshed out more to add to the climax... great ending though! :)

Overall, a great read all round! Can't wait for the next topic :)

[Se7en the movie]

Originally posted by Mat
4. Seven: unique, but it really went nowhere.

Thanks for entering, guys. Hope I wasn't too harsh... :p

i'm gonna go to my room and cry..............

i know it needed something more, but i did it kinda last minute cause i didnt know the finishing date had been extended......

[droidguy1119]

1. Citizen Kane
Funny, funny, funny. A little short, and it ends abruptly, but I liked it.

2. ip_guru
Well-written, although the fake-out ending should pack more punch so you think it's the real ending.

3. Patrick Bateman
The characters are kind of under-developed, and that saps some of the ending's impact. Otherwise, okay.

4. Se7en the Movie
A very funny premise -- two guys selling food and water in the middle of the desert -- but other than that I don't know what this script is about! Sorry.

5. beyond_th3
Cliche and leaden. And I also am not entirely positive what's going on, or why it matters. One thing I might suggest is more unique names than Josh and Jake for the two main characters, something that stands apart better.

Except for CK, you also all might want to work on spelling and punctuation. It's not bad, but it could improve.

[ip_guru]

1. Droidguy - a fun story, nicely done, kept the neighbor theme. (MINOR side note - the 'we see' and 'we hear' is distracting to me. I know that is a style issue, which is why I list it as minor note....)

2. Se7en - interesting take on the neighbor theme. Obviously more to the story; but I wanted to know more, which is a good sign.

3. CK - another fun story. (totally opinion point: having carrot top get shot moves this one up in ranking for me!)

4. th3 - Story did flow well as Mat said, and the story stuck to the neighbor theme. Also, as Droid mentioned, I'd alter the names to be a bit more distinctive.

5. Bateman - I found it too slow and then too fast. The arc of all the characters took place in one paragraph.

[droidguy1119]

Sooo...when's Round 2?

After CK votes and all.

[Mat]

If we can get at least one more critique... we can start as early as Sunday at noon CST. And this time I'll give you till Tuesday...

No Delays this time... unless a mob with torches and pitchforks comes to my house....

Ah yea, and if you want to have a chance to go to the next round... YOU MUST JUDGE!

[droidguy1119]

Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!

[poashaggy69]

i already judged . heh

[Citizen Kane]

I will judge shortly. I must go to the DVD Store first though.

[Citizen Kane]

1. droidguy1119: I loved it.
2. ip_guru: Very well written. The ending felt like a cop-out, but the professionalism of the script made up for it. The idea was clever, also.
3. Patrick Bateman: It was ok, but the ending vaults it up to number three. :D
4. Se7en the Movie: I like the idea, but the beginnnig was sort of confusing and it trailed off at the end. But the idea was good.
5. beyond_th3: No comment.

[Tornado]

I don't know if anybody is interested in having me be a judge, but, I will volunteer if you need another.

[Mat]

If you want to vote... you still can...

The voting deadline is midnight CST tonight! If Patrick Bateman and beyond_th3 haven't voted by then... they're automatically eliminated, and will be laughed at by everyone until the end of their days!

[Tornado]

I figured I would start next round.

[beyond_th3]

I really don't see the point but heres my list

1.droid1119: guys got talent.
2.CK - that hurt but I loved your story.
3.ip_guru: very professional.
4.se7en the movie: cool concept.
5.patrick bateman: cool ending.

I know I'll probably be voted off but it was an honor to be in such a contest with talented people like yourselves. A nice start to brush up on my screenwriting skills.

[Patrick Bateman]

Thanks for the criticism. Like I said, I wanted to add more to it but I literally started a few hours before the deadline. I know it went to fast but I didn't have time to go into the actual courtships with the guys going after the chick. I also noticed my spelling mistakes after I printed it up and read it again. I am usually more capable of catching my mistakes. If I make it to the next round, I will take the time given to make mine more in depth since my leg has been feeling better and I can sit at the computer longer.

1.droid1119: I enjoyed it a great deal
2.CK - liked your story.
3.ip_guru: very professional.
4.se7en the movie: I agree with CK
5.beyond_th3: Different, had its moments

[Mat]

Great... here's the results of round 1...

1. Droidguy: (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2) total: 8
2. CK: (2, 2, 3, 1, 3, 3, 3) total: 17
3. ip_guru: (3, 3, 2, 2, 2, 2, 4) total: 18
4. Se7en: (4, 4, 4, 2, 4, 4, 4) total: 26
5. Patrick Bateman: (5, 3, 5, 3, 5, 5, 1) total: 27
6. beyond_th3: (5, 5, 4, 5, 6, 6, 5) total: 36

So, in a huge suprising upset of biblical porportions, Droidguy, CK, ip_guru, and Se7en survive for round 2. Patrick and beyond_th3... better luck next time.

The Topic for Round 2 is Apocalypse NOW...

Not about the movie, but the world should end in a way you seem fit during your story. It doesn't have to be about the world ending, but the world must end during your screenplay.

Also remember: the characters must be your own. I don't want to read about any Vogons blowing up the Earth... ya hear me? ;)

[Citizen Kane]

Originally posted by beyond_th3
I really don't see the point but heres my list

1.droid1119: guys got talent.
2.CK - that hurt but I loved your story.
3.ip_guru: very professional.
4.se7en the movie: cool concept.
5.patrick bateman: cool ending.

I know I'll probably be voted off but it was an honor to be in such a contest with talented people like yourselves. A nice start to brush up on my screenwriting skills.

No, I just meant that I couldn't think of anythig to say at the time...I'll edit it one of these days.

[SnoBorderZero]

Awww man I guess it's too late to join.

[Mat]

Oh yeah... this is due Tuesday at midnight CST, by the way.

[SnoBorderZero]

So even though it's too late to enter, I can still be a judge right?

[ip_guru]

Originally posted by Mat

The Topic for Round 2 is Apocalypse NOW...

Not about the movie, but the world should end in a way you seem fit during your story. It doesn't have to be about the world ending, but the world must end during your screenplay.

Also remember: the characters must be your own. I don't want to read about any Vogons blowing up the Earth... ya hear me? ;)


Crap, I've still got nothing.....

[droidguy1119]

1.
SPACE

Earth, among the stars, floating silently, becomes struck by natural disasters as the narrator begins to speak.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And then...the world ended.

Pull back from the Earth through a sheet of glass, where the NARRATOR stands silently, watching the destruction of planet Earth.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
It had been a long time coming, the end of the world. Or maybe, the ending, to be more precise. Conditions on the planet had simply become too bad, unlivable. Starting five years ago, we had begun to flee back to colonies and ships outside the planet, and by last year, only a select and specific few remained. They were the ones who had to destroy the planet, to bring it down, to cause the inevitable ecological reaction that would bring down Earth. Like putting it out of its misery.

A MAN pats the NARRATOR, who is staring out a window at the Earth, on the back.

MAN
This moment will not be forgotten. You've done well.

The MAN walks away, the NARRATOR still staring.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Most of us were back on Mars. We had originally thought it would be better elsewhere, that it was a dangerous or risky option to live on the red planet, but now that Earth was gone, there was no other choice, until we looked for another planet. I was one of the last ones born on Earth...I spent a long time there.

2.
EARTH -- DAY (UNIDENTIFIED FIELD)

We see a YOUNG BOY, lying in the fields, staring up at the clouds.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
I would lay in the fields and stare at the stars, knowing that one day, it would be time to leave Earth behind. I had few friends. I was rejected, an outsider. All I could think about was Mars, and how one day I would live there, instead of Earth, how this planet was approaching temporary, the end of its line.

EARTH -- DAY (UNIDENTIFIED SCHOOLYARD)

The YOUNG BOY is on a schoolyard, screaming at people. It looks like it is recess, the entire school is crowded around the BOY. They look frightened, and some of them are screaming in fear, others in anger. Two boys are throwing rocks. He looks hysterical, his face red, and tears running down his face.

YOUNG BOY
IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OVER SOON! YOU'LL SEE! THIS PLANET IS FALLING APART, IT CAN'T LAST! IT CAN'T LAST!

Two TEACHERS rush over and pull the YOUNG BOY away, frantically. The YOUNG BOY continues to scream.

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

A WOMAN is standing beside the NARRATOR, behind the glass observation window. The NARRATOR glances at her. She is crying, holding a handkerchief, looking upset.

WOMAN
It's kind of overwhelming...I mean...we've been there forever...It's just...like throwing all life as we know it away.

NARRATOR
We haven't been there forever. We've barely made a mark on history, yet.

The WOMAN nods, smiles a little, and walks away.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
As time pressed on, things worsened...those of us who were prepared became outlaws, fugitives, traitors to the planet.

3.
EARTH -- AFTERNOON (UNIDENTIFIED STREET)

An angry mob, armed with shotguns, bricks, baseball bats and other various weapons, march down the side of a street and bash open a window. Inside, we see a group of people panicking, pulling down diagrams of Mars, grabbing research and flight plans. One mob member sees a YOUNG MAN reaching for a model of a spaceship, and smashes it with a baseball bat before he can pick it up. The YOUNG MAN is obviously the narrator.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
In general, humans were not about to give up the planet they'd lived on their entire life. Some of us, though, saw that this place had been worn down by pollution, misuse and ignorance. But the anger spread, and there was a war.

EARTH -- AFTERNOON (UNIDENTIFIED BATTLEFIELD)

Slightly unusual-looking guns and more sleeker-designed war equipment can be seen, but otherwise it looks like any war. Blasts hit near the YOUNG MAN, a little older than we saw him before, but no more than three or four years. He looks unfazed by the battle, despite the carnage beside him.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
It took every piece of my inner strength to not flinch, to keep fighting when the only friends I'd ever known were gunned down in a war that wouldn't mean anything. We were right, and awareness was starting to spread. Scientists everywhere were being forced to admit that something was going to go wrong, soon, and something had to be done, but the war had already started. Millions of lives were lost.

4.
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

A YOUNG CHILD is standing at the feet of the NARRATOR. The NARRATOR looks down at the CHILD.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Hello, there.

YOUNG CHILD
What's happening to Earth?

NARRATOR (v.o)
It's being abandoned. Mars is your home now.

EARTH -- NIGHT (UNIDENTIFIED OCEAN)

The NARRATOR, a little younger than his current age, stands on the edge of a BEACH, looking up at the stars.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Despite the war, despite the scientists, and despite the pleas from us, the ones who were ready, the human race looked for a solution instead of a door out. The months passed by, the years, and very little progress was made. Nobody took it seriously. It was a big deal that would never happen, the unimaginable and therefore forgettable.

A close up on the NARRATOR's eyes as they close, and everything goes black.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
So we left.

The same close up, except the NARRATOR opens his eyes. There is glass in front of them, a space suit, more futuristic, but still recognizable. Slowly, the camera pulls back to reveal him in the front of a ship. It is nighttime out, still, and the ship is lifting off. The sounds around him are dulled.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
It was time to go home.

The stars move closer as the ship lifts off, and we see the NARRATOR, quietly celebrating, at peace as the ship leaves the atmosphere and heads towards Mars.

5.
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

An OLD MAN is standing next to the NARRATOR, watching Earth.

OLD MAN
I knew it from the beginning.

NARRATOR
You knew what?

OLD MAN
That we were going to have to destroy them. They never listened...I bet they regret that now, don't you?

NARRATOR
I'd rather not think about that. They were, essentially, innocent.

OLD MAN
Pah. If a man has knowledge, he is no longer innocent, and we gave them plenty of that. But it's all the same, really. They'd still be down there if we hadn't come, and it would have just been more of a surprise, more painful. We did them a favor.

The OLD MAN walks away from the window, and the NARRATOR continues to watch. Finally, he steps back from the window and begins to walk away.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
I am not sure if I agree with the old man's statement that we did the human race a favor by wiping them out, but they refused to listen. It is a tragedy that after so many years of looking for life on other planets, when the Martian race finally arrived, they didn't have the sense to pay attention to what we had to tell them.

The NARRATOR strides off down the hallway, deeper into the building, away from Earth, and the camera pulls back, out of the window, away from the planet, and into the stars, sinking into darkness.

CUT TO BLACK.

[IdahoMR2man]

Nice job...

[Citizen Kane]

He wins. :p

That was great.

[Tornado]

Yeah, it's going to be tough to beat that one you guys.

EXCELLENT JOB DROID! :applaud:

[Paratroopa]

Awesome. totally awesome.

[Brock Landers]

So I guess it's too late to join then, huh?

[droidguy1119]

Well, Brock, as Mat said:

The first round ended like...a week ago, and that got rid of 3 of the contestants, I think. This is round 2, and it will eliminate 2 contestants, I'm guessing. After that, round 3, and a winner...

And then you can join in the second competition.

[beyond_th3]

I will join again. You have not heard the last of Beyond_th3. Muahahahahah!

[ip_guru]

IMPOSSIBLE


INT. HOME OFFICE – AFTERNOON

SHANE, early 30s, sits at his computer staring, expressionless, at the monitor. On the walls next to his desk are framed posters of The Matrix and Braveheart, and an autographed picture of Robert McKee. Shane starts tapping his pen on his pad of paper, which has nothing written in it.

The phone rings on the desk, and Shane answers.

SHANE
This is Shane.

VOICE ON PHONE (talking fast)
Shane, talk to me. The deadline is in two days. Are you wrapping up now? Is it good? No, don’t tell me, I’ll just read it. You’ve got lots of effects right? We need effects. You can’t make one of these without effects…

Shane holds the phone away from his ear, closes his eyes and sighs.

VOICE ON PHONE
Do you blow up the Whitehouse? Or how about the Empire State Building? Something famous has to blow up, you know that right? Of course you do, you were in the meetings. OK, hey I’ve gotta run, I can’t wait to see it.

Shane looks at the phone as the voice hangs up. He holds the phone in midair for a moment, hangs it up, and returns to staring at his monitor.

After a few unproductive moments, Shane grabs his coat and keys and goes outside for a walk.


EXT. STREET – EARLY EVENING

Shane sits on a bench across from his condo, sipping a cup of coffee. A couple and their children walk by. A young woman walks her dog. He sits, and watches, and listens to all of them as they pass by.


INT. SHANE’S OFFICE – MORNING

Shane walks into his office with a cup of coffee in one hand and a paper in his other. He looks awake and ready for the day. He sits at his desk and turns on his monitor. As he is getting situated, the phone rings.

SHANE
This is Shane.

VOICE ON PHONE
Hey buddy, how you doing?

SHANE
Hey, I’m all right. My agent is giving me a hard time. I think he knows it’s not done.

VOICE
So, what’s the deal? Got the block again?

SHANE
No not really, this time it’s cause I don’t like what I’m writing. I mean how many dumb ass end of the world movies do we need?

VOICE
I love ‘em. As far as I know there isn’t one that I haven’t seen. Anyway, you’ll make out pretty good on this, right? I mean, just think of it as work. You do your job, you get your check, then come hang out with Kenny and me this weekend.

SHANE
I suppose, but this isn’t what I had in mind for my career. Where’s the drama? Look out the window – every person you see has a story to tell. But, not for me – no I’ve gotta end the world. Seriously though, those movies - they all suck. None of them could happen, with the possible exception of the big comet thing. Every other scenario is just crap, no science, no reality, just crap.

VOICE
Get over yourself. Bang the thing out, and let’s go. I’m gonna run. We’ll be at Kenny’s by 9 Friday. You’ll be there?

SHANE
I’m sure I will. See ya.

VOICE
Later man.

Shane focuses his attention back on his computer, and after a few minutes begins typing. While he is typing, he makes notes and draws quick sketches on his notepad.


INT. STUDIO EXECUTIVE MEETING ROOM – MORNING

Shane walks into the room with his portfolio and easel. His agent walks in behind him, carrying storyboards. Shane looks at the clock while he places his pitch material at each seat.

Right at 8:00 two studio executives and their assistants walk into the room. RON, early 50s, a massive man - shaped like a giant oval, has a loud and deep voice. Smiling, he tells his assistant where to sit, and he goes to shake hands with Shane.

TIM, mid 40s, very thin, has a high, but raspy, voice. He walks over and shakes hands with Shane, and sits across from RON. Tim’s assistant sits right behind him.

RON
OK, Shane, let’s have it.

Shane is standing by his storyboard, and uncovers it. Ron and Tim are both watching him intently. He looks at them to deliver his opening.

SHANE
Gentlemen. Every end of the world movie we’ve seen so far has one thing in common: a single event or trigger that might end the world. Some massive doom is coming that will shatter the Earth, and we have to stop it. But, how many of these movies have actually had the world end? Virtually none. In every case, the people flee in a spaceship, or they find some hero to stop the asteroid, or they survive the storms, and so on… Despite their efforts, we have yet to see any movie where the earth itself does end.

TIM
Well, there was that one animated…

RON (interrupting)
Yeah, that wasn’t bad by the way. I think I see where you’re going with this Shane, make me like it.

Shane turns to the storyboard and walks the men through the concept. He points to each picture as he talks.

SHANE
It starts with a man in the desert looking through his telescope. He sees something that disturbs him, but what he sees remains a mystery. He calls his friend at NASA, and the space telescope is moved to look at this thing. NASA sees an alien spaceship coming towards Earth. It is currently near Neptune and is enormous, around a quarter of the size of the moon.

NASA determines that there are only two weeks until it reaches us, and a meeting is called. In a conference room with the top scientists and research minds of the world, it is disclosed that there is a secret defense satellite laser weapon. This laser weapon is designed to cause earthquakes and volcanoes on Earth. It is decided to turn the laser and fire it at the alien ship. The operating team must aim carefully since it takes a year to build up enough energy to fire the laser.

RON
Somewhat interesting, but nothing new, you’ve got more to this, I hope.

SHANE
Oh yes. The laser is fired when the alien ship gets close enough and it does destroy the ship. But, all is not well. It turns out that when the laser fired, it destroyed the satellite and it shot backwards into the center of the Earth.

The shot was so powerful that it stopped the center of the Earth from spinning, and now we have massive natural disasters all over the planet. One of the disasters is that the oceanic currents stopped, which causes the polar ice caps to melt.

The ice caps melting trigger massive tidal waves and superstorms. The entire Earth is consumed by disaster and storms. The storms are causing panic and the breakdown of civil society worldwide.

In a last ditch effort, the UN announces the release of its supersecret defense project called: Project IR. Project IR is a fleet of intelligent robots, programmed to restore order. The UN robot army is dispatched to every country, and using Martial Law, takes control within several weeks.

The storms don’t bother the robot army, and quickly they conclude that they have no need for the humans. The robots plot to wipe out the human race. Meanwhile a group of scientists are planning their escape from Earth.

The robots decide to wipe out the humans using disease. They release the Ebola virus in every country on the same day. The day of the release, the scientists launch a fleet of ships with ten thousand people, and they head off into space.

A week after the Ebola virus is released, nearly every human on Earth is dead. The people in space look back on Earth, knowing they have saved humanity.

Back on Earth, the robots are inside the NASA space lab, and they note a blinking light on a screen. It indicates an inbound object.

In space the people look out their windows and see a massive meteor, almost half the size of the moon, heading right towards Earth.

On earth, the robots all look up as the sky starts to get dark, and gets eclipsed by the massive rock. It slams through the earth, splitting it apart into millions of pieces.

In the fleet of spaceships, the people cheer as they watch the Earth come to an end.


When Shane is done, there is silence in the room. The assistants stop taking notes. Ron and Tim exchange glances, and both look at Shane. After a few more seconds of looking at one another, Ron bursts out.

RON
I freaking love it! It’s got everything! Every damn thing!

TIM
This will easily make New Line push back ‘The End’ next summer, might even get Warner to push back ‘Devolution’, or better – they might even have to stop their preproduction. We’ve got to beat them with this. I say we greenlight now, and get this thing moving.

RON
This is gonna be the blockbuster to end all blockbusters. Tim, we’re gonna have to hire an army of effects guys. We better get that going asap.

TIM
I’ll start that today. The budget for this is going to be enormous. I think we’ll have to set aside close to 300 to make this one.

RON
Yeah, but think how much we’ll make. The whole movie is one big effect. We can even market it as the first 300 Million dollar movie. Shane, this is great stuff. You went beyond what I was thinking.

SHANE
Thanks.

Shane looks out the window at the sunny day, and lets the voices of the executives fade out in the background. His agent gets involved in the conversation, while Shane stands up and walks over to the window. Out the window he sees a couple and their children walking down the street. The voices become clear again.

RON
So, what do you think? Shane?

SHANE
I’m sorry. What?

RON
I think we’ve got this wrapped up for now. And, you need to get started on the sequel.

Shane stares at the executives, looking back and forth between them.

SHANE
The what?

RON
The sequel.

TIM
Or the prequel, either way.

RON
Yeah, or the prequel. This is going to have a huge box office, we’ve gotta start planning the follow-up.

AGENT
Absolutely, but for that we’ll need co-producer credit. And we’ll have to determine the fair percentage, which is not unrealistic…

Shane lets the voices trail off again. Back at the window, he watches the world go by. He quietly laughs to himself, shaking his head.

SHANE
A sequel.



The END.

[Mat]

Good job, guys...

I hope CK and Se7en are cooking up something good.

[LordofKings]

I like them both:

This is close.

I'll rate them even though im not in the Competition.

DROIDGUY - A little short, but well written, and I liked the ending, though Im still a bit confused by it all. Probable would make for a great short film though......

IP GURU - The script, once again, the professionalism is excellent. I don't find the story itself all that interesting, but the way you presented the topic (end of the world) is different (which is good) and is something I was not expecting. I wouldn'y mind seeing that movie BTW;)

Overall:

I like them both the same. Both are extremely gifted writing and better then what I could have done. So i'll call this one a draw, because I just can't choose who's is better, as I enjoyed reading them both

[poashaggy69]

im cooking up something good, but ive been working on it all night, so im gonna call it a day. ill have it done by tomorrow, so yea.

[King_Strider]

This is definately going to be a hard round to judge!

Great work guys.

[Mat]

Don't rate them just yet...

[Citizen Kane]

This will be the last Bass and Profundo story. I wrote it because I was preparing this as a potential fan fic and thought I could kill two birds with one stone. Enjoy...and sorry for using the same basic idea twice, I intend to do something new and unique for the third around, if I make it, that is.

One Day…The World Stopped

SCENE 1:

EXT: Outer Space

(WE are looking at Earth, from afar. It looks as Earth does.)

NARRATOR:
One day…the earth ended.

(A giant alien hand, that looks like a Mickey Mouse glove, picks up the galaxy (which is shaped like a donut) and dips it in a giant cup of coffee.)

NARRATOR:
As you can imagine…it sucked ass.

CUT TO: STORE LANE

(On Store Lane, there are many stores. It’s like something out of New York City, but it’s not out of New York. A man, named JESUS BASS, is sitting in the middle of the street. Nobody is around. Everything looks slightly singed, but it’s not completely burnt. BASS has a pile of goods in the middle of the street. Most of them are sexual toys. And cheese.)

NARRATOR:
Two men were left. Or were they? Yes, they were…Or were they. They wasn’t. But they were. They were…the two men were left men.

CUT TO: PROFUNDO.

(HE walks up to BASS, HIS neighbor.)

PROFUNDO:
What the **** are you doing?

BASS:
(anxious, frustrated)
Well, what does it look like?

(PROFUNDO looks at the porn.)

PROFUNDO:
It looks to me like you’re a salesman who’s trying to sell porn to…Paul Reubens.

BASS:
(sighs)
I’m…stockpiling.

(HE counts HIS goods. There are 19. HE frantically goes to look for a 20th.)

PROFUNDO:
What are you, a Communist?

BASS:
Where the hell have you been the past few years, the basement?

PROFUNDO:
Yes.

BASS:
The world…has been terminated.

PROFUNDO:
Dude, that was only a movie.

BASS:
THE WORLD ENDED!

PROFUNDO:
Good.

BASS:
Huh?

PROFUNDO:
My ex-wife will never find out about the mistress.

(PROFUNDO sniffs around. HIS nose sniffs like that of a little mouse.)

PROFUNDO:
Why the hell does it smell like coffee?

BASS:
Been asking myself the same question.

CUT TO:

(A used car lot, pos-apocalypse. All of the cars have been destroyed except a Yugo.)

BASS:
Ah, ****.

FLASHBACK:

INT.: The Bass Home, circa 1990

(JUDAS BASS, BASS’S father, is in HIS death bed.)

JUDAS:
Son…

BASS:
What?

JUDAS:
(JUDAS wheezes)
Sooooooon….

BASS:
What?

JUDAS:
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON…Don’t drive a PINTO.

(JUDAS walks over an open window and walks out of it. HE lands on a group of cats.)

CUT TO: BASS and PROFUNDO

PROFUNDO:
Pfft…Your dad is dead. What the hell could he do? Besides, if you drive a Pinto, you have a big penis.

BASS:
No. That’s a tractor.

PROFUNDO:
No it’s not. If you drive a tractor you’re a damn farmer.

(PROFUNDO looks over the PINTO. HE casually kicks the tire of the PINTO with his foot. The PINTO explodes.)

(BASS and PROFUNDO both turn their heads simultaneously toward a car. It is a White Ford Bronco. The license plate says OJIGGER!.)

(BASS walks over to the car and examines it. HE looks in the trunk. Inside is a large, bundle.)

BASS:
Profundo!

PROFUNDO:
What?

BASS:
This doesn’t smell like coffee.

(BASS unwraps the bundle. It is the body of JIMMY HOFFA.)

(PROFUNDO walks up to BASS.)

PROFUNDO:
I wonder how well Wonder-Bras work on men.

CUT TO: A random street

(There is a woman lying on the street. SHE is the last woman on earth. SHE lacks legs.)

(BASS and PROFUNDO drive up to HER in the WHITE FORD BRONCO. HOFFA is still in the trunk. HOFFA is not JIMMY HOFFA. HE is really ALEX HOFFA. The writer of this piece lied before. ALEX HOFFA is dead.)

(BASS and PROFUNDO drive up to HER. PROFUNDO gets out of the car. LEGLESS LADY is lying on HER back.)

PROFUNDO:
Turn over. I want to see how your ass is.

SCENE 2:

(BASS and PROFUNDO have taken up lodging in two houses that face each other. The LEGLESS LADY is still in the middle of the street.)

CUT TO: The nighttime

(BASS walks outside. HE is sleepwalking. HE walks over to the LEGLESS LADY.)

CUT TO: BASS’S bed. It is the morning.

(BASS and LEGLESS LADY are in bed together.)

BASS:
…I guess it wasn’t a dream after all…

TITLE CARD: The Next Night…

(PROFUNDO is in HIS apartment, looking out the window of the second floor. HE has a fishing pole with a gigantic pole. HE hooks the legless lady with a fishing pole.)

TITLE CARD: The next morning.

(PROFUNDO and the LEGLESS LADY are in bed together. BASS walks in.)

BASS:

What the hell is this?

PROFUNDO:

…She walked over here. I had no other options.

CUT TO: The street

(the LEGLESS LADY is laying in the middle of the street with the sun beating down on her. Both men stare at HER intently. BASS walks forward. PROFUNDO, paranoid, scampers up to the LEGLESS LADY too.)

(BASS looks at her, and realizes that there is something wrong with HER. HE bends down to examine her. When HE rises, HIS face is grave.)

BASS:

Profundo…She’s not a legless lady…she’s a corpse.

PROFUNDO:

Ah, hell.

NARRATOR:

Bass and Profundo will return in the sequel to this installment which might or might not be a fan fic. Shhhh.

FIN

[Mat]

lol

Alright, time is up! Rank droidguy's, CK's, and ip_guru's screenplays...

[EvilDeadNDN]

I wanna submit something but none of my ideas are complete, nevertheless, keep a lookout.

[King_Strider]

Extremely hard round to judge guys, you're all very talented writers! :p

Each script took the topic in a totally different direction, thus making it a hell of alot harder to determine which was 'better' than the other.

1. droidguy: You never fail to impress! A deep, thoughtful piece of writing with a great structure and ending. It was good to see you produce something a little 'darker' than your round 1 entry, showing a range in your writing styles and capabilities. Well done!

2. ip_guru: A great spin on the topic! You have a very professional writing style which has shined through in both your entries. I think the 'pitch' which SHANE delivered was very cleverly written! (I wonder how long it will be until we actually see a movie like that :p). Perhaps the scene in the executives room could have included more dialogue from RON and TIM, providing more of a 'spoof' on the typical Hollywood producer type.

3. CK: Once again your screenplay can be summed up in three words- odd, yet compelling! Theres some hilarious dialogue there, it kinda reminded me of an episode of Family Guy :p dont know why! The only reason I ranked you third is because this script was too similar to your round 1 script, whereas droid and ip_guru produced something new.

Once again, well done on a great round guys! They were all a pleasure to read! :)

[ip_guru]

Hey everyone,

Quick FYI. The third annual screenwriting expo is November 5-7 at the LA Convention Center this year. The cost is pretty low, $60 for all three days.

You get to pitch to studio reps directly, among other things. It's a pretty fun event, good speakers, seminars, etc... (it does cost extra to get to pitch to the reps.)

If you are curious, check out: www.screenwritingexpo.com (http://www.screenwritingexpo.com)

Also, FYI. A new screenwriting tool I found is called Sophocles. There are lots of tools (Final Draft is a big name tool), but many people don't feel like buying a tool and just use Word. This one has a free trial download so you can see how it feels. The site is: www.sophocles.net/ (http://www.sophocles.net/)

[poashaggy69]

hey what the heck let me put mine in please, seriously its almost done.

[Mat]

Originally posted by poashaggy69
hey what the heck let me put mine in please, seriously its almost done.

You weren't even in the competition to begin with, man... ;)

Wait till Slam 2...

[Mat]

1. ip_guru: Your professionalism continues to impress. Great dialogue and interesting twist on the topic. I can't wait till the sequel. ;)

2. droidguy: Very well written, but at times it's a little vague and confusing. Again, though, great twist on the topic. I thought of it as a quasi-sequal to The Day the Earth Stood Still...

3. CK: It has it's moments, but not as funny as the first one. You don't have to have the parenthesis either. ;)

Great job guys...

[poashaggy69]

uh, yes i was dood, remember i signed up. seriously i just finished, you dont know how angry i am right now. well im posting it any way.

The Pill

FADE IN:

EXT. EARTH (POST APOCOLYPTIC) -- NIGHT

VOICE
Yep, that's the earth. Once a powerhouse for the human race and all sorts of technology, and now just a memory. No green grass, no blue sky. Just the image of death and destruction. No, this wasn't caused by some stupid volcano, or an asteroid, or some aliens invading from outer space. It was caused by our own kind. It is almost impossible to think that our race was capable of such destruction. But all that's changed now. There are very few of us left, and it wont be long until our time has come. But before i die, i just want to let the whole world know why this happened, why in one day all of humanity was nearly destroyed. I want you to know why this war started because of me.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. JIM BAKER'S HOME

JIM
That's me, My name is Jim Baker, and i used to work for a very respectable software company.

Two kids run on and off screen and jim smiles.

JIM
Those are my kids, Jeffrey and Elizabeth. I loved them so much, sometimes i wish i had died with them. Every minute i think about them i die a little more inside. I'm not married, well, i was, but my wife divorced me. I guess i was just spending too much time at work, i don't really know. But we share custody of the kids, and we still are pretty good friends.

We see jeffrey and elizabeth go to hug and kiss jim, and then they exit out the door to catch their bus.

JIM
The date was July 20th, and i had to go back to the phamacy to get more anti-depressent pills.

CUT TO:

EXT. PHARMACY -- DAY

We see Jim's Dodge Intrepid pull into the parking lot, and see him get out and go into the pharmacy.

JIM
Hi, I'm here to pick up my medication.

WOMAN
Name?

JIM
Jim Baker.

WOMAN
Just a second.

The woman goes looking through things and she finds jim's anti depressents.

CUT TO:

INT. JIM'S CAR ON THE WAY TO WORK. -- DAY

While jim is driving, he pops a few of his pills in his mouth. He starts to listen to the radio.

CUT TO:

INT. JIM'S WORK -- DAY

As Jim walks down the hallway to his cubical, numerous coworkers start looking at him odd.

GLORIA
Hey Jim.

JIM
Hey Gloria, how was florida?

GLORIA
Eh, it was alright. jim

she studies him.

GLORIA
You look...alittle different. Have you been working out?

JIM
Not really, i have't lifted weights since like high school.

GLORIA
Oh, well, nevermind, it's just me. Well i'll see you later.

JIM
Bye

Jim walks into his cubical and sits down. He starts to work. He goes to reach for the mouse, but the mouse moves by itself. He looks at in disbelief. He goes for it again, but it rolls off the pad. A look of confusion.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE JIM'S WORK -- DAY

Jim goes to unlock his car, but the car unlocks before he even puts the key in. Jim starts to look around. He shakes his head and gets in the car, and starts driving.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. JIM'S HOME -- NIGHT

Jim walks into the bathroom and cups a handful of water and splashes it on his face. He looks in the mirror.

JIM
Where are you jim. What happened to you. Before you got involved in all the networking you really had something, you had something special, and now it's gone. I mean what is so wrong with you that people just leave you for the smallest reason.

He goes to open the medicing cabinet, but it opens by itself, right into his hands. Another look of confusion.

JIM
ok...what the hell is going on. First the mouse, then my car, and now this.

He thinks for a second, and then he looks at his toothbrush. He holds out his hand, not grabbing it, but holding it out, trying to get the toothbrush to go to his hand. It does. Jim drops the toothbrush and backs away in disbelief of what's happening.

JIM
Jesus Christ im telekenetic. I thought that **** was just in the movies. I think I'm losin it.

He picks up the phone.

JIM
Hello? Doctor Thomas? Yes hi its Jim Baker...Yea the kids are fine they are asleep right now...Listen, i know this may sound kind of weird, but i need to see you really soon, the weirdest thing just happened and i need to know if you see it to so i know im not crazy...

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. DOCTOR THOMAS' OFFICE -- DAY

The room is filled with all kinds of medical mumbo jumbo. Degrees on the walls, skeletons, you name it. Doctor Thomas is about 50 years old and is sitting in a chair.

DOCTOR THOMAS
Now what is it that you want me to see?

JIM
Ok, well, have you ever seen Carrie?

DOCTOR THOMAS
Yes i'm aware of carrie.

JIM
And Phenomenon and stuff like that?

DOCTOR THOMAS
yes, i see where you're going.

JIM
Well, and i know it may sound weird, but i think somehow ive devoloped telekenesis.

DOCTOR THOMAS
Well that is quite extraordinary.

JIM
You see that pen over there? The one by the stapler over there?

Jim looks at it real hard and puts out his hand. The pen vibrates for a moment, and it starts to float to Jim. Doctor Thomas looks in awe.

JIM
Crazy stuff huh?

DOCTOR THOMAS
(Still kind of awe struck)
Yes, yes, well, uh, do you have any idea how you may have devoloped this?

JIM
No, not really, i mean i did the same usual thing i do everyday. But...

DOCTOR THOMAS
But what?

JIM
Well i seemed totally normal until after i took my anti-depressent.

DOCTOR THOMAS
And you think the this pill may have cause this?

JIM
I'm not entirely sure, but, yes. And that's not the only thing. I feel as though i know more than i ever have. I have all the Amendments memorized, all the president's speaches, anything.

DOCTOR THOMAS
The only thing i can think of right now is that in some way your anti-depressent pill somehow opened your mind, many scientist believe that we all only use 10 percent of our brains, but i believe that you are gradually being able to use more and more of your mind. You could almost call this a gift.

JIM
But how can a pill do all of that?

DOCTOR THOMAS
I'm not completely sure, but i am convinced that whatever you took was not an anti-depressent, because if it was the same pill, then you would have started to develope this a long time ago.

JIM
So you are saying that i was givin the wrong medication?

DOCTOR THOMAS
That, or maybe something bigger.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. DOWNTOWN -- DAY

Jim walks downtown, numerous people pass him. Jim stops. He turns around. One person approaches him, a male, about 30 years of age.

MAN
Excuse me, do you know what time it is?

JIM
It is 1:22 p.m and 56 seconds. You can't afford a watch? Really Dave, you should get out and get one.

DAVE
How did you know my name?

JIM
I know alot of things Dave. Tell me, why aren't you wearing your wedding ring? I thought you loved your wife.

The man starts running away, and he turns around.

DAVE
YOU FREAK! YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!

The man runs from our view.

JIM
(To Himself)
How did i do that?

A woman walks by.

JIM
Excuse me miss, is your name by any chance Yolanda?

YOLANDA
Yes, yes it is. How did you know?

JIM
I...i dont know...

He starts walking away in confusion. He stops and sees a juggeler. Just a guy trying to make some money. Jim reaches out his hand, and the juggelers bowling pins start floating toward him. Everybody turns and sees what's happening. People start exclaiming.

PEOPLE
Jesus what is he doing?
.....is he making those things float?....thats not possible....FREAK....

CUT TO:

INT. GOVERNMENT OFFICE

MALE
Chief you gotta see this.

CHIEF
What is it Johnson.

Johnson turns on the TV. There is a female doing a news report, and in the background we see Jim with the numerous floating objects.

CHIEF
Sweet mother of god...Johnson, are you sure those pill didn't reach the market?

JOHNSON
Im pretty sure Chief.

CHIEF
We need to bring him in quick, before this gets out of hand.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. A SMALL DARK ROOM -- DAY

Two men sit in the room, Johnson, the chief, and jim.

CHIEF
Do you know why you are here Jim?

JIM
Was it because of my little sideshow?

CHIEF
Partly. Jim, did you happen to take a pill earlier this morning?

JIM
Yes, i took one of my anti-depressent pills.

CHIEF
Jim what you took was not an anti-depressent. We have looked into it and somehow our product has reached the market.

JIM
What? what product?

CHIEF
Jim, since all these horrible events have occurred, September eleventh, the War in Iraq, we decided to make a special pill for trained recruits that would allow them to become stronger, faster, smarter, and givin special abilities. What happened is our Pills got mixed up with your anti-depressents.

JIM
So what do you want from me.

CHIEF
Jim, we don't want anything from you, we just need to keep you contained until we figure out a way to stop whatever is going on in your body.

Johnson bursts through the door.

JOHNSON
Sir, i got some really bad news. We just got this fax in from the FBI.

Johnson gives him the fax. he reads it.

CHIEF
It seems that other countries have seen the video of your little sideshow and are convinced that you are a human weapon. Jim, they want you dead, or something horrible is going to happen.

JIM
What? who wants me dead? what's going on?

CHIEF
It's ok, Jim, we're going to figure this out.

JOHNSON
Im afraid it's not going to be that easy chief. They want his death to be video taped, and they want the body sent to them.

CHIEF
Jesus Christ...Ok jim here what we're going to do. Now we are going to get a camera, and i'm going to put a gun to your head, but when i pull the trigger im going to pull it away slightly to the left, not noticeable. So you're going to need to drop. And We'll find just any body to ship over there.

FADE OUT:

JIM
Apparently, The other countries weren't as stupid as they thought. When they received the body they knew it was a fake, and gave us no more chances. And so began the war. And in a blink of an eye, the world was gone. It took God seven days to create the earth, to create life. And it took us 1 day to destroy it. For those who are listening to this recording, i am probably dead, or i would be telling it in person. I apologize. Hug your loved ones, hug whoever your with. cherish your last hours. I wish had some words of advice, but i don't. all i can say is that I'm sorry.

FADE OUT:

THE END.

[droidguy1119]

1. ip_guru
I found the script a little dry, but I liked it for many reasons. The characters seem very well-rounded and believable. I am a very visual person, and I could visualize your script very easily. Also, it was a sharply original take on the subject, a nice little loophole you discovered. Overall, I feel the writing needs more, but your ideas are very, very strong.

2. Citizen Kane
Pretty good, although the actual execution has a slipshod quality to it, it looks like you had a bunch of ideas and sort of haphazardly smashed them together, and you might want to go over it again, professionalize it. Funny, though. The main problem is that, in reading it, I felt the same way King_Strider did, which was that it was the same thing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

poashaggy: Your work is very intriguing. While you need some more original ideas (the telekinesis feels like a rip-off of Phenomenon) and also need to proofread your work for spelling, punctuation and capitalization, the end is extremely interesting. I find Jim's voice as a character compelling. Also, I liked the idea of telekinesis being available in pill form.

[beyond_th3]

I wonder.......are those of us still allowed to vote? If so here's how I saw it.

1.Droidguy - I can't stress how talented this guy is.
2.ip_guru - very interesting
3.Ck - funny
and if he's included........
4. poashaggy69 - while not the most original story, I found it unusually interesting.

[LordofKings]

If im allowed to vote:

1) Ip Guru - extremely professional and like Droidguy im a visual person and I could picture everything perfect. And while its not as good as your last script in this Thread, I think its very good and the characters are well rounded.

2) Droidguy - This was an extremely close decision between you and Ip Guru. I organally had planned on giving the top vote to you, because your tale was extremely interesting and I like the VO's mixed with regular dialogue. I took away from this script for VERY MINOR reasons: 1) Guru's was easier to visualize what he was telling and 2) You had camera angles and movements in the script (which I used to do, but have grown out of it), and 3) The ending kind of confused me as I did not get it fully (maybe im just stupid:p ). But droidguy, your work is brilliant man. This was very difficult to choose

3) CK - Interesting and you have talent as well

[droidguy1119]

Originally posted by LordofKings
2) You had camera angles and movements in the script (which I used to do, but have grown out of it)

Yeah. I thought it was standard, but then I realized I was only reading the scripts of people who were going to direct it. I tried harder than I usually do to leave out the visual narration, but without it, I have trouble figuring out how to describe something.

On the other hand, your other comment seems to conflict with the above one, saying you found it harder to visualize? Please tell me what I could do to help that.

Also, which part did you not understand? I'll put this in spoiler tags, because I want to :p The Martian race were the only ones to leave planet Earth, they arrived at some point in our future, but also well before the time of the story, and worked their way into our culture. They tried to warn Earthlings, later, that the Earth was becoming unstable ecologically, and that they should leave, but they refused to listen. The Martians then departed, and wiped us out, for our own good.

Thanks for the feedback.

[Mat]

Originally posted by poashaggy69
uh, yes i was dood, remember i signed up. seriously i just finished, you dont know how angry i am right now. well im posting it any way.

Don't be mad, be glad... :)

Seriously though, you missed the deadline. If you want to be a serious writer your going to have to learn to make it on time. Better luck in Slam 2.

Oh yeah and anybody who wants to can judge. You just have to judge them all.

[ip_guru]

1. Droid. I liked the concept very much, but at times felt that parts were a bit hard to follow. By that I don't mean that I wasn't able to follow the story, just that I needed to make some jumps to conclude some parts. Your spoiler confirmed my thoughts, but without the spolier I wasn't 100% sure that I concluded what you intended.

2. CK. It seemed just a bit rushed together and random, kind of like reading a free flowing thought process.

[LordofKings]

Ok, Droid, thats what I thought of the story. So the Martians looked exactly like us and lived with us for a while. Ok, now I understand it more. That part just confused me. Maybe if you described what the Narrator looked like it could have helped.

And I know what you mean about having trouble describing without using camera angles and such, I still have that problem

[droidguy1119]

I feel like I'm using sentence fragments.

"An empty street in the morning."

Or something like that.

Meanwhile, I suppose I should have described him as human, but I was totally overconcerned about not wanting to give away the ending beforehand. I guess I thought unneccesary descriptions of people would be like setting you up to realize something was wrong.

[Mat]

I'm stopping voting a midnight CST tonight... Really all we're waiting on is CK (again ;) ), but anyone else who wants to vote is welcome.

[ip_guru]

Originally posted by droidguy1119
I feel like I'm using sentence fragments.

"An empty street in the morning."

Or something like that.

Meanwhile, I suppose I should have described him as human, but I was totally overconcerned about not wanting to give away the ending beforehand. I guess I thought unneccesary descriptions of people would be like setting you up to realize something was wrong.

Sentence fragments are ok in screenplays. The fewer words the better. That's one of the biggest challenges. Obviously, you don't want them every other line, but to have them in the screenplay will not cause the reader to put it down.

Punctuation is the same: the rules of 'normal' writing are not followed as close. This is especially true when writing dialogue. People pause at odd times; people do not ever talk following the rules of writing. (Imagine writing the punctuation of Capt. Kirk!) Here, you don't want to take advantage of that, but again a reader won't put down the script for incorrect punctuation - unless it is very bad, and has nothing to do with pacing.

Sometimes in the screenplay, hints at endings are more obvious. This is due to the fact that you need to write the line, so the audience knows what is going on, and so the director can pick the best way to show that action. In the screenplay this might be the only line (which might stick out to the reader), but on screen that line would be subtle, blended in by the director.

[Citizen Kane]

Rankings:
1. droidguy1119: very good. Awesome twist.
2. ip_guru: Almost as good as droidguy's.

[Mat]

1. droidguy: (1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 1): total: 8
2. ip_guru (1, 2, 1, 1, 2, 2): total: 9
3. CK (2, 3, 3, 2, 3, 3): total: 16

Droidguy and ip_guru will showdown in the finals. Tomorrow at high noon CST I shall announce the topic.

And a new rule: PM your submissions to me and I'll post them. They will be due Saturday at high noon (but beforehand will be handy).

I won't be around Sunday and Monday, so if judging goes that far, CK's gonna handle the counting of the votes and announce the winner.

[droidguy1119]

*cold sweat*

I hear curious things about this topic from Mat...he says it's...unusual...

[Se7en: Version1]

this is Se7en the movie, i had to reregister cause i couldnt remember my password. i aint at home at the moment and couldnt get to a computer so i only read the new topic today in this internet cafe. But if the closing date is on saturday, i'll probably be able to get something in tomorrow. So letting you know why i'm a bit late

[Mat]

Originally posted by Se7en: Version1
this is Se7en the movie, i had to reregister cause i couldnt remember my password. i aint at home at the moment and couldnt get to a computer so i only read the new topic today in this internet cafe. But if the closing date is on saturday, i'll probably be able to get something in tomorrow. So letting you know why i'm a bit late

Sorry, mate, you missed round 2. Better Luck in Slam 2.

The topic for the final round is Ice...

Now before you say "Mat you've lost your mind. Ice is a terrible topic" think of all the ways you can use it. Metaphorically, as a setting, to cool down your favorite beverage... Be creative...

You made it to the last round... did you expect it to be easy? ;)

Don't forget to PM your screenplays to me and I'll post them...

[King_Strider]

Nice topic!

Should be interesting... :p

[Se7en the movie]

Originally posted by Mat
Sorry, mate, you missed round 2. Better Luck in Slam 2.

The topic for the final round is Ice...

Now before you say "Mat you've lost your mind. Ice is a terrible topic" think of all the ways you can use it. Metaphorically, as a setting, to cool down your favorite beverage... Be creative...

You made it to the last round... did you expect it to be easy? ;)

Don't forget to PM your screenplays to me and I'll post them...

well goddamn.......:waa:

[droidguy1119]

Hey, at least you got your old account back.

[Se7en the movie]

true.........but still :waa:

[Mat]

There's no crying in screenwriting!

[Mat]

Alright, here's "Writer #1"

ICE
By Writer #1

EXT. CITY ALLEY – NIGHT

CHARLES, late 20s, lies on the ground. He has one eye swollen shut, and blood pouring from his cracked-open lip. He looks up to a streetlight and sees a pigeon watching him from the light pole. Even though he is in a city of 3 million people, the city seems strangely quiet. He turns and groans as he looks to see KENNY, a skinny man in his mid 20s, watching him on the ground.

A large BALD MAN steps in front of Charles, and stares down at him. The man takes his gun and points it at Charles.

KENNY
Holy f***k. All right, c’mon this has gone far enough.

MAN
You tell me where the **** is right now, or Plato dies.

KENNY
I told you everything’s safe. It’s not a problem.

MAN
Wrong answer.

Charles looks up to the man raises a hand, and shakes his head no. The man fires two shots into Charles’ chest. Charles’ heads falls back to the ground. The man watches Charles for a few seconds and turns his attention to Kenny.

KENNY
S***t! S***t! S***t! What are you doing?

The man walks directly over to Kenny, and looks him in the face.

MAN
You’ll take me to where it is now, or you join him. Is that clear?

Kenny is looking at Charles’ unmoving body lying spread out on the ground. Two red stains are growing on his chest.




INT. BAR – NIGHT

Charles, Kenny, and the large man are sitting at a round table. Charles looks nervous and is visibly starting to sweat. The large man sits with no emotion; reaches into his jacket and puts his gun on the table.

Charles looks at the gun and swallows.

CHARLES
Things got complicated in there. It didn’t go as planned. You know, sometimes the best plans just don’t work out. Planning only takes you so far; stuff happened that I didn’t anticipate. We planned, and the plan had to change.

MAN
Thank you for that - perhaps I shall call you Plato from now on. However, that doesn’t answer my question. I really only have the patience to ask you this one more time.

The man leans in towards Charles, puts his hand on his gun.

MAN (speaking slowly)
Where’s the ice?

CHARLES
I told you, at the job, I had to give the bag to Kenny. The alarm went off, and it wasn’t supposed to. We had to change the plan.

MAN
This is not good. Not good at all. You know I had to deliver tonight. You just shut up.

The large man turns his attention to the third man. KENNY, in his mid 20s, had so far been quiet.

MAN
You heard him. Where’s the bag? Where do you have it?

KENNY
The s***t got crazy man, crazy. It’s all good though, everything’s safe.

MAN
Safe? If it’s not with me, it’s not safe. It’s my job. MY JOB to keep it safe, to bring it in, with you. What don’t you morons understand about this? That’s enough of this bull****. Both of you, get up.

The man points his gun at the two men and motions for them to move in front of him. He walks them out the back door, into the alley behind the bar.

EXT. LARGE MANSION – NIGHT

Charles and Kenny silently scale the 10-foot brick wall. Watching the security cameras, they time their runs just outside the range of the cameras as they make their way to the house.

When they reach the house, they check their map and move under the 12th window along the wall. They quickly assemble a portable ladder and Charles climbs to the second story window, while Kenny holds the ladder base.

Charles peers through the window and checks that no one is inside. He places a suction cup on the glass and cuts out a section large enough so he can open the window. The window opens just enough to allow Charles inside.


INT. LARGE MANSION – NIGHT

Once inside, he creeps over to a wall and removes a painting from the wall, revealing a safe. Looking at the safe, he walks to a desk with a computer on it. He pulls out a piece of paper and looks at it to read a code, which he uses to logs into the computer. Once in the computer, he clicks a button and the safe opens.

In the safe, is a brown leather bag, about eight inches in diameter. He slowly picks up the bag and feels it in his hands. He opens the bag, looks inside, and smiles. He puts the bag in his inside jacket coat pocket, and zips the pocket.

He looks to see Kenny at the window, at the top of the ladder.

KENNY
Did you get it?

CHARLES
Yeah. Get back down, you’re supposed to be watching.

KENNY
All right, all right.

Kenny climbs back down the ladder. Charles closes the safe, and the moment the door closes, Charles triggers the alarms. A loud siren wails, and the yard is immediately lit with floodlights. Charles runs to the window, throws down the leather bag to Kenny.

CHARLES
Take it, keep it safe, and meet me at the bar in an hour. Go!

Kenny takes off running, but in panic runs straight and is on three video monitors. The guards see him running across the yard, and chase after him. Charles slips down the ladder and quietly takes off in the opposite direction.

INT. CHARLES’ APARTMENT – DAY

Charles is working with some papers on his table when there is a knock at his door. He looks at his clock, which says 10:05 and opens the door.

CHARLES
You’re late.

KENNY
Oh lighten up d**khead.

CHARLES
You know, if it wasn’t for you begging to get this job from your old man, I’d…

KENNY
You’d what tough guy? Yeah nothing, that’s what I thought.

CHARLES
Let’s just work. Here, I’ve got the layout here. The room the safe is in is here. The computer is on this desk here.

KENNY
OK, so I’ll go up and get the stuff while you run lookout.

CHARLES
No. Your daddy said you had to go on this job, so you are. You can’t get into the computer, but I can. It will be fast, and you’ll be lookout, don’t push it.

KENNY
Whatever.

CHARLES
Do you have a gun?

KENNY
A gun? What the f***k do I need a gun for? I don’t do any of that, that’s what we have people for.

CHARLES
Here just take this. You might need it. Don’t worry, it’s not registered and can’t be traced.

Kenny takes the gun and puts it in his pocket.


INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE SUITE – DAY

The door opens to a luxuriously appointed penthouse office, with views of the entire city. Charles walks in and sits in a leather chair, and sitting across the massive hand-carved oak desk is BIG JIM, mid 50s. Big Jim puffs on a cigar and coughs.

BIG JIM
Charles, how have you been?

CHARLES
Can’t complain.

BIG JIM
Good. How many times have you asked to get out of your contract now? Ten? Fifteen? Well, I think we might finally have a way out.

Big Jim leans forward, coughs a throaty cough for a while, and presses a button on his desk.

BIG JIM
Bring him in now.

The large bald man brings in Kenny, who sits in the chair next to Charles. The bald man steps back to the corner of the room, and stands silently.

BIG JIM
Charles, this is Kenny. My son. Now Kenny has f***ked up many jobs that I have sent him on, but he has asked for a final chance. Since he is my son, what choice do I have but not to give him that chance? Kenny is going to work with you on this deal, and if he doesn’t f***k this up, he will be taking your place.

CHARLES
Big Jim, no disrespect, but I work alone, you know that.

BIG JIM
Well, not on this job. You guys will grab the bag, meet your silent third partner back there at the bar, and he will drive back here with Kenny and the bag. At the bar, Charles you’ll be let out of your contract.

CHARLES
So, what’s in the bag? I need to know how to plan this one?

BIG JIM (laughing)
Just a little bag of ice. About 25Mil of ice, my friend.

KENNY
I won’t let you down on this pop…

Big Jim glares at his son, and holds up his hand.

KENNY
Sorry, I mean I won’t let you down Big Jim.

BIG JIM
That’s right, you won’t. This is your last shot. You do it right; I let you back in the family. You do it wrong, and well… I don’t.

EXT. CITY ALLEY – NIGHT

The man walks directly over to Kenny, and looks him in the face.

MAN
You’ll take me to where it is now, or you join him. Is that clear?

Kenny is looking at Charles’ unmoving body lying spread out on the ground. Two red stains are growing on his chest.

The man pushes Kenny back onto a wall.

MAN
I don’t give a crap that you’re his kid. Where is the bag?

KENNY
You f***king killed him man? You’re insane. I’ll bring it to pop myself, you just back off.

MAN
Back off? Don’t you get it? Your dad hired me. I work for him.

Kenny fumbles into his pocket and pulls out the gun. He points it at the man. The man looks intently at the gun, and then stares into Kenny’s face.

MAN
What? Now you’re gonna shoot me? How’s that gonna look to dad? You tell me where the bag is, and maybe I won’t do anything else to you. Plus, you don’t have the guts to do it anyway. Have you even held a gun before?

The man lunges at Kenny, and knocks the gun out of his hand. They struggle back and forth, before the man forces Kenny to the ground, whose gun is just out of his reach. Kenny rolls towards his gun while the man points his at Kenny. Kenny grabs his gun and fires off two loud shots at the man. The man stumbles back and looks at Kenny’s face.

MAN
So you do have the…

The man falls to the ground. Kenny looks at the man and Charles lying on the ground, he drops the gun, and he turns and runs. He gets to his car and speeds to his house.


INT. KENNY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Kenny rushes in his house and slams the door shut. He runs to his bedroom. He franticly pushes his bed out of the way and pulls up a floorboard. Under the floorboard he grabs the black leather bag and opens it. Inside are thousands of glittering shapes.

He grabs the bag and runs out of his bedroom. At the doorway he slips and the bag falls. As the bag is falling, a trail of cube shaped pieces fall from the bag. Kenny accidentally steps on these shapes and they shatter under his feet.

He kneels down and sees that all the shapes are cube shaped, and that he can crush them very easily. There is a note inside that reads: Lighten up d**khead.

Kenny scowls and stands up, crushing the cubes as he walks on them towards the door.


EXT. CITY ALLEY – NIGHT

Kenny pulls his car up into the alley. He gets out and looks around. No bodies, no blood, no bullets. He picks up the gun that he dropped earlier. He fires a few blanks, and he screams. He slams the door of his car and drives off


INT. CHARLES’ APARTMENT – NIGHT

The door is already open at Charles’ apartment, so Kenny lets himself in. The entire apartment has been cleaned out. There is nothing. He searches from room to room. In the bedroom, there is one picture on the wall. The picture is of Charles and the man, standing next to one another, smiling from ear to ear.


The End.

[Mat]

Here's "Writer #2"

1.
DARKNESS

It is hollow, with sounds echoing out from all corners. It is like being underwater. A little light shines through.

KITCHEN - EVENING

It is a gross, disgusting-looking kitchen. The room spins. There is someone speaking, but the voice is still like it is underwater. It is a BLACK-HAIRED MAN. He is prominently seen for a moment, before suddenly he is being smashed into the refrigerator door. The door comes open as the man is thrown back from the impact, and a hail of ice cubes comes spilling out onto him.

The BLACK-HAIRED MAN spits blood, and glances around him.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Ice. Ironic.

INT. BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

The bed is empty. The sweatstain on the sheets is visible. The bathroom light is on, but it is empty. Down the hall inside the kitchen is a man, DAVE, wearing a slightly dirty beater, sweating heavily, drinking from a glass. He finishes the last drop and lets his hand and the glass fall to the table, as if weighted. The glass cracks, but does not break. The ice cubes rattle.

DAVE
What the **** are you dreaming about, Dave? Are you crazy? You're not crazy.

An ice cube clacks as it hits the floor.

DAVE turns around to look, but there is no ice cube. He blinks, rubs his eyes, walks out of the room.

2.
EXT. DAVE'S HOUSE - MORNING

DAVE is fully dressed. He climbs in his crappy car, and pulls out of his driveway. He reaches an intersection and pulls to a stop at the red light.

INT. DAVE'S CAR

An ANGRY MAN with a gun, in the back of a car, silencer screwed on the end presses the gun on the back of a WOMAN's head and screams at someone in the driver's seat. The WOMAN's arm is bleeding.

ANGRY MAN
DRIVE! DRIVE FASTER! I'm going to kill you, I'm going to ****ing kill you. You're dead, *****.

DAVE blinks. There are cars honking behind him. The light is green. DAVE quickly drives off.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING

DAVE walks into his office building. He rides the elevator. He sits down at his desk. DAVE stares at his paperwork, and the noises in the background dim for a moment, but then come back, and DAVE moves to do his work. After a few seconds, a WOMAN taps him on the shoulder, and hands him a paper.

WOMAN
Here's those numbers you asked for, Dave.

DAVE stares. The woman screams as the silencer digs deeper. DAVE blinks.

DAVE
Thank you.

The WOMAN smiles knowingly and walks away. DAVE looks at the statistics on the piece of paper and begins entering them into his computer. The last one is the woman's phone number, written in red ink. DAVE turns around, trying to see the WOMAN again, but she is gone. He turns back. There is a clack as an ice cube rolls in a lazy spin on his worksheets. DAVE picks it up, and it melts away in his fingertips.

DAVE
Ice?

VOICE
Not going to be seeing much more of it.

DAVE turns around to see his BOSS, a middle-aged balding man, standing behind him. DAVE glances at his fingertips, but they are dry. The BOSS raises an eyebrow.

BOSS
Dave, just because you have your vacation starts tomorrow doesn't mean I'm gonna tolerate you slacking off. You need to get these in after you do those statistics.

The BOSS hands DAVE a set of clear-covered files. DAVE takes them, turns around, and covers up the WOMAN's phone number with them. He coughs, clearing his throat, then turns back to the BOSS.

DAVE
I won't slack off, sir. I just completed the statistics.

DAVE moves and the BOSS glances at his computer screen. After a moment, he grunts in satisfaction.

BOSS
I see. It just looked like you were staring off into space, I apologize. Good work, son, and enjoy your time away from this desolate place.

DAVE
I will.

BOSS
You've been good, Dave.

DAVE
What's that supposed to mean?

BOSS
Nothing...just...you know. Good job, good work, good luck. I'll see you later.

The BOSS walks off, and DAVE watches him go, then turns back to his computer, and resumes typing.

3.
INT. DAVE'S CAR -- NIGHT

DAVE has removed his jacket, loosened his tie, and is driving on the dark streets. He arrives at the intersection from earlier. He closes his eyes for a second.

The WOMAN moans some more, in pain. Her nose is bleeding now, and the ANGRY MAN looks angrier. He gestures at the driver fiercely.

ANGRY MAN
Go! Drive, you stupid son of a b --

The CAR explodes into sound as the back end crumples and a light shines through, erratically. The shriek of ripping metal echoes through the air and glass flies through the air. The WOMAN and ANGRY MAN are thrown around, and the CAR spins like a top and begins to roll over. The door of the car bends inward and hits the ANGRY MAN in the head, and there is a sickening crunch as his skull is fractured.

DAVE opens his eyes. There is nobody there this time. DAVE looks pale.

DAVE
Dave...Dave, Dave, Dave...stop...stop it...concentrate. Don't lose it...

DAVE peels away from the intersection.

EXT. DAVE'S HOUSE

DAVE parks his car, gets out. He fumbles with his keys. The door swings open, hits the wall. DAVE throws his briefcase and jacket down. He storms into the kitchen, stepping on an ice cube on the floor. He rips open the cupboards and pulls out a bottle of whiskey and takes a drink. After a long drink, he brings the bottle down. His eyes close and open, and he walks over to the table, setting the bottle down. He rubs his stubble and turns around.

The BLACK-HAIRED MAN stands there. He is bleeding from a number of cuts, but otherwise looks okay. He is pointing a gun in DAVE's direction. The kitchen is grimy, the light dim, the place disgusting.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Sorry, buddy. We made it together, we got rid of that ****ing idiot, Ken, but I'm the one who's gonna get away and you get iced, just like them.

The gun fires and DAVE goes flying back, into his table. The bottle of whiskey hits the floor, shattering, and DAVE slips, falling over the table and hitting the wall, a picture falling off and hitting the ground, the glass plate shattering. DAVE looks around, back in his own kitchen. The freezer door hangs open, and there is ice all over the floor. DAVE stares at it, blankly. He climbs slowly off his floor and looks around.

DAVE
You're losing it. Don't lose it. Why? Why...why do I have these visions?

DAVE looks at his arm, which has been cut by the broken bottle. He puts one hand around the wound, and uses the other to pick up his cordless phone. He takes his bloody hand off the cut to dial a telephone number, then puts it back, sandwiching the phone between his head and shoulder.

OPERATOR
Memorial Hospital, how may I connect you?

DAVE
May I speak to Dr. Parsons? I...I need help.

4.
EXT. HOUSE

Everything feels like it is underwater again. A door opens. The WOMAN is standing there. She screams at the sight of the gun, but it is no use. She tries to run, but the gun fires.

INT. BATHROOM

Three ice cubes hit the sink, and spin, in slow motion. DAVE stares at them from behind, on the toilet. He looks at the floor, and sees more ice, rolling around on the ground. He stands up, pulls up his boxers, flushes the toilet and walks out of the bathroom, the ice cubes falling from the ceiling.

INT. KITCHEN

DAVE is staring out the window, talking on the telephone.

DAVE
Yes, I know it's late. (pause) I know, but these nightmares, they're tormenting me. I don't know why I'm having them. And hallucinations of ice everywhere.

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A tired looking man, the ANGRY MAN from DAVE's dreams, sighs.

ANGRY MAN
Don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. You ready for tomorrow?

DAVE
Yes. I need this vacation.

5.
INT. BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

DAVE sits on the end of the bed, wearing his suit, looking tired. He rubs his stubble. DAVE's heartbeat is audible, in the background. He shuts his eyes again. Slowly, expecting...

Blood dribbles down ice cubes, and we see an arm, the arm of the BLACK-HAIRED MAN, go limp.

The gun falls from a black-gloved hand, and hits the floor next to the BLACK-HAIRED MAN, lying in the ice. The hole in the head of the BLACK-HAIRED MAN smokes a little.

Inside DAVE's house, the doorbell rings, and DAVE grabs two duffel bags and goes to the door.

The grimy kitchen floor, the feet of the man with the gun, going upwards, to his chest. The entire left side of the shirt is soaked in blood, and a shaky hand removes one of the gloves and feels the blood.

DAVE opens the door. It is the BLACK-HAIRED MAN.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Sorry I'm late. Got held up in traffic.

DAVE
I called over an hour ago.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Car's running. That your vacation luggage?

DAVE
Yes. And the other bag...

The gloved man falls to his knees and collapses, his head hitting the ice. It is DAVE.

DAVE
...those are the guns.

The BLACK-HAIRED MAN grins, and takes the bags from DAVE and goes around the back to put them in the trunk. DAVE gets in the car, pulls out a gun and screws a silencer on it, and pulls a mask down over his face. The BLACK-HAIRED MAN does the same, after climbing in the car. The car screeches out of the driveway and heads off down the road.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Nobody's gonna miss you?

DAVE
My boss already knows I'm not coming back.

Flashes of events go by, quickly, rapidly.

DAVE, in black mask, and the BLACK-HAIRED MAN behind him, standing in the doorway of the woman's house. DAVE fires the gun and the woman is hit in the arm, and goes down screaming.

DAVE at home, looking at the number.

DAVE
Can I come over today? Well, what's your address?

DAVE and the BLACK-HAIRED MAN picking up the ANGRY MAN from the hospital and driving away. The ANGRY MAN pulls a mask over his eyes too. DAVE's voice echoes.

DAVE
I need...help. Yes. It's a job.

The ANGRY MAN looks at the WOMAN.

ANGRY MAN
What's she for?

DAVE
Bargaining, if we have to. If not, we kill her.

Arriving at a warehouse, bursting inside. A group of thieves looks shocked as DAVE, the ANGRY MAN and the BLACK-HAIRED MAN gun them down, snatching up a bag from the table and running out.

The van barreling down the road toward DAVE's house. The ANGRY MAN is screaming.

ANGRY MAN
Let me kill her, we've gotten away.

DAVE
Not yet.

The car with DAVE is hit at top-speed by an oncoming car. The back end of DAVE's car is totaled, and DAVE and the BLACK-HAIRED MAN pull out the two dead bodies of the ANGRY MAN and the WOMAN from the backseat, and put them in the front seat, removing the ANGRY MAN's mask and the WOMAN's bindings. They rub broken glass over the WOMAN's wrists to cover up the rope burns and run off.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Who hit us?

DAVE
He was suicidal.

Inside the grimy house, the BLACK-HAIRED MAN pulls the gun.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Just like them.

The gun fires and everything comes back up to normal speed. DAVE, with a chair, smashes the BLACK-HAIRED MAN across the head, and the BLACK-HAIRED MAN hits the freezer, which swings open, sending ice everywhere.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
Ice. Ironic.

The BLACK-HAIRED MAN looks up at DAVE, who has pulled his gun and is pointing it at the BLACK-HAIRED MAN's face.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
You are going to die, Dave. I shot you.

DAVE
Sorry, not this time. You're not the first to try. You won't be the last. But I see things before they happen. It keeps me alive.

BLACK-HAIRED MAN
What?

DAVE
Bullet-proof vest, my friend, bullet-proof vest.

The BLACK-HAIRED MAN moves to fire his gun again, but DAVE shoots him in the hand. The BLACK-HAIRED MAN screams in pain and drops the gun.

DAVE
Bad idea.

The BLACK-HAIRED MAN stares as DAVE picks up the bag from earlier.

DAVE
It's a lot of diamonds. Or ice. Whatever you want to call it. But it seems I'm the one who's gotten rid of both of the idiots here. Time to make a clean break.

DAVE fires the gun. The BLACK-HAIRED MAN's blood splatters all over the inside of the freezer and dribbles down the ice. The man's arm goes limp. He he puts a bag on the counter that looks identical to the one he is holding, and walks slowly out of the kitchen, pocketing his gun. He lights a cigarette, and goes into the garage. There is a new BMW. DAVE gets in and pulls out.

DAVE (v.o.)
With a bag of fake diamonds left behind, three dead and nobody to blame, it will be an unsolved mystery long after I'm gone. Moving to a new town, another crime, another victory. It's like a passion. But first...vacation ahead. A much-needed vacation.

SMASH CUT TO BLACK.

[Mat]

Writers... if I ****ed up your screenplay... just PM me and I'll fix it.

Let the judging BEGIN!

I'm not going to be here tomorrow, Monday or Tuesday. I left CK in charge of counting up the votes and declaring a winner. He can set whatever deadline he wants...

Competitors don't judge for obvious reasons.

[SnoBorderZero]

Writer #1-It was okay but a little jumpy and at times confusing.
Writer #2-Good job, very well written.

Can I sign up for Slam #2??

[Mat]

Originally posted by SnoBorderZero
Can I sign up for Slam #2??

Yes, but you have to rank the writers...

for example...

1. Writer #2- explanation
2. Writer #1- explanation

[SnoBorderZero]

I gave you my explanation.

[Mat]

It was a toss-up, but...

1. Writer #1: Well written, nice twist at the end, but it felt like a warmed- over Tarantino plot. Easy to follow, though

2. Writer #2: I really liked some of the concepts, but at times it's a bit vague. Kind of weird that you both decided to do heist stories with chronological twists.

[Mat]

Originally posted by SnoBorderZero
I gave you my explanation.

You didn't rank them... and you're explanations were written as though writer #2 was better than writer #1, but writer #1 was on top.

Put a 1 next to the one you thiks the best...

[droidguy1119]

Originally posted by Mat
It was a toss-up, but...

1. Writer #1: Well written, nice twist at the end, but it felt like a warmed- over Tarantino plot. Easy to follow, though

2. Writer #2: I really liked some of the concepts, but at times it's a bit vague. Kind of weird that you both decided to do heist stories with chronological twists.

I wish I could say something. But that would reveal which one of them was mine, wouldn't it? :p

I think both of us thought, though, of Ice as diamonds instantly, because using actual ice is kind of tricky.

[King_Strider]

Another hard one to judge guys...

1. Writer #2: Very well written and original. I liked the dark, brooding undertone of the piece. At times I think you cornered yourself by trying to make the script too dark and ominous, and it became a little confusing. I can imagine it would have been difficult to write, as words can only do limited justice to ideas. One of those scripts that while confusing readers, would translate fanatastically to screen. Well done!

2. Writer #1: A nice little story! The plot and structure are quite good with a nifty ending thrown in to top it off! However, the plot and characters seemed a little formulaic and I kinda got that "been done before" feeling as I was reading. Thats not to say that it wasn't enjoyable, but in the case of this competition, writer #2 seemed to develop a more interesting, original idea.

Congrats on making it this far guys!

Can I sign up for Slam 2 now? :p

[droidguy1119]

More people need to vote!

[SnoBorderZero]

Writer #1-A bit strange and jumpy.
Writer #2-VEry well written. Kept me interested.

Writer#2=better

There you go

[Se7en the movie]

Writer 2: Slightly disappointing ending, but overall it was wonderful. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Writer 1: Nice twist, and very well written as it wasnt hard to follow at all even with its time shifts. But it did seem a little formulaic...

[Citizen Kane]

Critiques due by tomorrow.

[poashaggy69]

#1. Well written, alittle confusing.
#2. Great story, not hard to keep up with.

i liked #2.

[droidguy1119]

I am not sated damn you! Vote more!

[Se7en the movie]

make me!

[droidguy1119]

*makes you*

[beyond_th3]

Okay here's my vote.

1. Writer #2 - I was lost for a moment, but caught up quick to the story - not the most original, but unique.

2. Writer #1 - Only because it felt too much like a tarantino story and was a little predictable.



EDIT
and btw mat in the future you may want to modify the writers if you're trying to make them anonymous because it was very easy to find out who wrote what, but that still did not change my vote.

[droidguy1119]

Argh. The Fan Art and Fiction section is the most swamped of all the board forums for resurrected threads...

[Mat]

Wow, what happened around here? While I was in the middle of a lake yesterday (don't ask), I was afraid Slam 2 would start without me. Now it loks as though Slam 1 will never end.

Plus it was on the second page. I'm sad.

[Citizen Kane]

I added in my own vote and tallied them:
1. Writer 2
2. Writer 1

[droidguy1119]

So...is it over, then?

[Mat]

Surprise, surprise... Droidguy wins Slam 1. ;)

**applause**

Alright, he's running the next one. Any further questions or complaints should be directed at him.

[droidguy1119]

Aghhhhh! Random transfer of power!

*runs around screaming*

Sign of for Slam 2 if you want to.

[beyond_th3]

count me in......again. you have not heard the last of beyond_th3! muahahahahaha.

[Se7en: Version1]

se7en the movie here, alas my account is out of action again so i need to use this name. SIGN ME UP! beat me if you can........survive if i let you

[Patrick Bateman]

I want in again. I will hopefully have more time to do what i want to do this time around.

[King_Strider]

Sign me up!

[LordofKings]

Sign me up (I may not be able to write but just in case, ill sign up, and if my work shows, it shows)

[Mat]

**signs up**

Boy this sounds like fun... ;)

[ip_guru]

Originally posted by Mat
Surprise, surprise... Droidguy wins Slam 1. ;)

**applause**

Alright, he's running the next one. Any further questions or complaints should be directed at him.

Congrats to Droidguy. :applaud:

I'm not sure if I'll have time to participate in Slam2, but sign me up for the moment..... I'll at least try to critique, if time....

[beyond_th3]

This is going to be a nice competition...........starting to have doubts.......very good writers.......I'm new to screenwriting but I will try my best.

[Citizen Kane]

*signs up*

[droidguy1119]

1. beyond_th3
2. Se7en the Movie
3. Patrick Bateman
4. King_Strider
5. LordofKings
6. Mat
7. ip_guru
8. Citizen Kane
9. Brock Landers
10. SnoBoarderZero

No more sign ups will be accepted! (Sorry guys, but 10 seems like a lot of people.) Be sure to be around at NOON PST when I announce the first topic.

I will also be giving people an extra day, I think conflicts of schedule and general life are preventing some people from finishing when they genuinely want to. Use this extra day to finish, to polish, and to get everything as professional as possible.

[Se7en the movie]

droidguy.......ur my hero......

[poashaggy69]

SON OF A *****!!! GOD MUST HATE ME!!!

[Citizen Kane]

poashaggy can take my place, I don't feel like doing it this round. I think...

[droidguy1119]

Originally posted by droidguy1119
1. beyond_th3
2. Se7en the Movie
3. Patrick Bateman
4. King_Strider
5. LordofKings
6. Mat
7. ip_guru
8. poashaggy
9. Brock Landers
10. SnoBoarderZero

No more sign ups will be accepted! (Sorry guys, but 10 seems like a lot of people.) Be sure to be around at NOON PST when I announce the first topic.

I will also be giving people an extra day, I think conflicts of schedule and general life are preventing some people from finishing when they genuinely want to. Use this extra day to finish, to polish, and to get everything as professional as possible.

The updated list.

[Citizen Kane]

I changed my mind now I want to do the Slam.

[droidguy1119]

Originally posted by Citizen Kane
I changed my mind now I want to do the Slam.

Find a 12th person and you can be in

UPDATE!

TOPIC WILL NOW BE POSTED AT 3:30 PM PST! I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE THIS MAY CAUSE!

[ip_guru]

Originally posted by Citizen Kane
I changed my mind now I want to do the Slam.

CK, you can take my spot. I was going to give it to poashaggy, but you beat me to it!

Have fun all... :)

[poashaggy69]

I hope i dont dissapoint....

[droidguy1119]

Final List:

1. beyond_th3
2. Se7en the Movie
3. Patrick Bateman
4. King_Strider
5. LordofKings
6. Mat
7. Citizen Kane
8. poashaggy
9. Brock Landers
10. SnoBoarderZero

Should the boards, by some twist of fate, be down on Monday, the deadline, email your screenplays to me at droidguy1119@hotmail.com before 12:00 Noon PST on that day.

Since I'm here and I don't know if I will still be here at 3:30 due to changing plans, I'm going to post your first topic right here, right now. That's right, an hour and a half in advance.

Your topic is:

The Supernatural

Write whatever you want, whatever genre, anything. It just has to be about the supernatural. Good luck, and have fun writing!

:D

[Tornado]

Oh.... crap, too late, oh well, maybe next time then.

[LordofKings]

Torn, I may/may not be able to write this. So, if you want, you can have my spot. Or, if Droid doesn't mind, leave my spot open, MEANING, whoever posts/sends the script to droid first, gets theirs in.

I don't know...if its too much trouble, Torn can have my spot

[SnoBorderZero]

Oh man I'm working on a LONG script for that as we speak, it's not done yet though. I posted some of it in the horror forums once, it's title is Scar House. Oh well I'll just think of something else cuz I doubt I can get it done with basketball camp all day.

[Tornado]

Originally posted by LordofKings
Torn, I may/may not be able to write this. So, if you want, you can have my spot. Or, if Droid doesn't mind, leave my spot open, MEANING, whoever posts/sends the script to droid first, gets theirs in.

I don't know...if its too much trouble, Torn can have my spot

Nah, it's alright man, you signed up, you can have it, I'll just sign up for the next one. :)

[droidguy1119]

I'll take whatever I can get. If LoK cannot submit a script, I'd accept one by Tornado.

[LordofKings]

Ok, so how bout whoever submits theres first to you? Ill try and work on it tonight after work and tomorrow, but I have other things im writing so I don't know if I will get to it.

Awww, im to complicated!;)

[Tornado]

Hehehe, perhaps I'll work on one, I do have a busy weekend though (rummage sale).

[LordofKings]

what the hell is rummage? Is that like a Garage sale where you throw out/give away old junk?

[droidguy1119]

Rummage = Junk

I was more going to say if both LoK and Tornado submit one, I take LoK's over it, because LoK is entered, but if Tornado's is the only one I get I run with it.

But since Tornado's going to the effort of writing one, if someone else doesn't submit one and you both get it in, I'll run Tornado's in the place of whatever user ran out of time.

[LordofKings]

Cool.

Topic, supernatural. The deadline is Monday at 12Noon

[Tornado]

Originally posted by LordofKings
what the hell is rummage? Is that like a Garage sale where you throw out/give away old junk?

Yep, basically, but without the giving/throwing away old junk. It's SELLING old junk. ;)

[droidguy1119]

But we call it garage sale, because that sounds better than junk sale. :p

[Mat]

A True Hell Story


BLACKNESS. A CLICK and SCREECH are heard. A RUMBLE of a motor is heard, a motor for a garage door. Bright sunlight slices into the darkness revealing...

INT. DOUGLAS’S GARAGE - - MORNING

A man, MAX, in a dark suit and tie stands rigidly outside the garage as the door opens. Inside, a shorter man, DOUGLAS, wearing grey sweatpants and a GRATEFUL DEAD t-shirt, still yawning and wiping the sleep from his eyes, slams the screen door and walks to waist high stack of boxes on the other side of his half-clean car.

DOUGLAS
Well, here it is.

Max walks to the boxes, opens one, and examines it’s contents. There’s everything from old Happy Meal toys to ancient and mysterious scrolls and weapons in them

MAX
Are you sure you would part with such a collection? Who know what sort of treasure could be found among this junk. How did you get it anyway? You don’t seem to be the collector-type.

DOUGLAS
Yeah well, my dad owned a pawn crap shop and couldn’t afford to keep it up. He died pennyless in a storage building surrounded by this junk, and I was unlucky enough to inherit it.

MAX
I see. I thought you would at least keep at least the objects you could use to inflict bodily harm on others with

He picks up an old sword and scabbard from an open box and studies the runes on the handle.

DOUGLAS
Heh, rusty old butter knives aren’t my thing.

MAX
Did your father at least find someone to translate these runes?

DOUGLAS
Ah, it’s probably just some spell or warning from ancient warriors from Zimbabwe to leave their ****ing knife alone. Anyway, I’m going back to bed. Remember to shut the garage door when your finished loading the stuff, and I’ll see you at the reunion next week.

Douglas begins to stumble back toward the door.

MAX
Okay. By the way, has my check passed yet?

DOUGLAS
Oh yeah, I was meaning to talk to you about that. Let me go get what the bank sent me...

He walks to back to the door, back to Max. Max raises the sword.

CUT TO: BLACK

A DEEP VOICE (God?) trembles in the DEEP.

DEEP VOICE
Just then, (beat) Douglas died.

TWINKLING stars EMERGE from the inky darkness. Somewhere in the distance somebody is poorly singing Grand Funk Railroad’s rendition of “Hooked on a Feeling” (complete with the Oooga Chukas) in a squeaky kind of pre-pubescent voice. PAN DOWN to reveal...

INT. OPEN AIR ELEVATOR

CHARON, a tall, lanky fellow with an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth, leans up against the wall beside the control panel with three buttons on it: one labeled “Up,” one labeled “Down,” and one large one that was labeled “Not Used in this Movie.” He sings on CHEERFULLY as Douglas sleeps, head resting on a pile of sand.

CHARON (singing)
Keep it up girl! Ya you turn me on!

Douglas turns over drowsily and opens his eyes, staring at the flowery wallpaper that covers the wall.

CHARON
Well, look who’s finally decided to wake up. Good morning, sunshine, how was your night?

He laughs a high-pitched laugh as though he finds himself particularly clever. Douglas sits up and brushes the sand out of his hair.

DOUGLAS
What is it with the sand?

CHARON
Read the note, Einstein.

Charon again laughs. Douglas rolls his eyes and retrieves a small slip of paper half hid in the pile of sand. It reads “For Your Convenience. -Charon”

DOUGLAS
Ah... was that necessary?

CHARON
What’s the matter? CAN’T READ?

Charon continues to laugh like a MOTHER. Douglas, having had enough, gets up and grips the elevator operator’s throat.

DOUGLAS
Listen, you minimum wage- wracking looney. You sound like Big Bird with a nasal infection, and you aren’t funny. Now tell me where I’m at and why this elevator is taking so goddamn long to get to wherever we’re going.

CHARON
Ah, you’re a bright and sunny one aren’t you. Well Mr. Meany, look up and all your questions will be answered.

Douglas looks up and stumbles back into the mound of sand in awe or horror of the infinite void of stars and blackness. He falls ass first onto the mound.

CHARON
Careful, I have to clean this thing up, you know.

Douglas continues looking up and sees a rather normal looking door in the distance that the elevator is ascending toward.

DOUGLAS
So, I’m... I’m dead.

CHARON
Pretty wild, eh?

DOUGLAS
Now what?

CHARON
Now...

With a electrical chime, the doors slide open.

CHARON (continous)
...you get off my elevator.

EXT. VAST ABYSS

Douglas walks to the edge and sees the door at least 20 feet across the abyss from the elevator. He looks down and sees nothing but stars and blackness.

INT. ELEVATOR

DOUGLAS
Could you scoot us over a little?

CHARON
There are three buttons here and none of them say “scoot.” Now get yourself over there. I want to get a bite to eat before another roadside bomb goes off in Iraq.

DOUGLAS
How am I supposed to walk across pure emptiness without falling to my death.

CHARON
I thought I made the point clear that you’re already dead. Just take one step at a time.

DOUGLAS
Wait, I have an idea.

Douglas SCOOPS up a handful of sand

EXT. VAST ABYSS

He tosses it out toward the door. Some of the sand falls toward the nothingness, but the rest lands on a carefully camouflaged bridge between the elevator and the door.

DOUGLAS
I guess my career wasn’t a complete waste of time.

CHARON (looking vacantly the other way)
Damn that man and his movies.

EXT. BRIDGE

Douglas slowly makes his way across the bridge and opens the door. He sees the same darkness as outside but minus the stars.

DOUGLAS
Hello?

A muffled cough and a small lamp clicks on...

INT. PEARLY GATEHOUSE

An elderly man, PETE, in stylish checkered pants and a checkered sweater sits up on a small leather couch in the corner of what appears to be a small office. There’s a small wooden desk with a single file and an old typewriter on it. Polaroids of Pete shaking hands with famous people cover the wall behind his desk. Also behind his desk is a white door with a sign that reads “Please remove your shoes.”

PETE
Oh, I’m sorry. I expected you later. You must be Douglas Zerbe the famed film critic.

DOUGLAS
Well, semi-famous. Maybe Celebrity Poker Showdown famous, but not Hollywood Squares famous.

PETE
It doesn’t matter anymore now does it?

Pete walks around and sits down behind his desk and opens the file.

PETE
Shut the door and come sit.

Douglas shuts the door and sits on a plush leather chair in front of Pete’s desk.

PETE
Oh, by the way, my name is Pete and I’ll be issuing your final judgement. Now where did my blasted pen get to. Well no matter...

He intently reads Douglas’s file. Douglas uncomfortably in his seat.

PETE
Well, I guess you made it.

DOUGLAS
Really? That’s great. What does it say?

PETE
Alright.

DOUGLAS
Excuse me?

PETE
It says “Alright.”

DOUGLAS
That’s all it says? “Alright?”

PETE
Well, when I first started this gig, we used to write long poetic verses about a person’s life as their final judgement, but after the first major plague that wiped out half the human population, we tried to stick to just one word judgements the best we could.

DOUGLAS
Any complex ones recently.

PETE
If you consider Hitler recently.

DOUGLAS
What was his?

PETE
“Not so good.”

DOUGLAS
So, is that all? Am I knockin’ on heaven’s door?

PETE
Not just yet. How did you die?

DOUGLAS
I thought you would know that.

PETE
We only keep track of when somebody kills somebody on purpose. That’s much more interesting than just death in general.


DOUGLAS
Well, I don’t quite know how I died, but I did assume that my friend Max stabbed me in the back with a sword. Since you guys didn’t pick that up, I guess he didn’t.


PETE
Well, this isn’t the first time we’ve missed a murder. Even if it is particularly uninteresting, I guess we’d better find out just how you died.

Pete presses a large red button on his desk. The white door opens and a beautiful red-headed girl literally floats into the room. Douglas’s eyes are wandering.

PETE
Douglas, this is Colleen, the Ghost of Muerte Past.

COLLEEN
Muerte is a lot cooler to say than death

DOUGLAS
Uh... yeah... I, uh, agree.

PETE
Take Douglas back to observe the past and find out who is behind his death.

COLLEEN
Sounds like fun...

She opens the door back out to the abyss.

COLLEEN (cont’d)
Come on Dougie. Our chariot await.

From the elevator Charon waves.

EXT. ABYSS

Charon’s elevator slowly descends through time and space.

INT. ELEVATOR

Colleen and Douglas stand on opposite sides of the Elevator. Charon leans at his regular position next to the console.

DOUGLAS
So, how are the movies in heaven.

COLLEEN
Pretty good actually. You should see Kubrick’s new one.

CHARON
Too artsy fartsy...

DOUGLAS
Kubrick is making new movies?!

COLLEEN
Well, that’s what he was born to do, and I’m sure once we get this straighten out you’ll get to review them.

DOUGLAS
Don’t you guys get new movies from Earth?

Colleen and Charon glance at each other.

COLLEEN
Not since ‘83...

CHARON
... and the incident.

DOUGLAS
What...

CHARON (cutting him off)
Oh, we’re here.

EXT. DOUGLAS’S STREET - - MORNING

The elevator rests in the middle of road right in front of Douglas’s house. The door slides open, and Colleen and Douglas step out onto the road looking a Douglas’s garage. Max’s BMW is parked right in front of his driveway. Max stands right in front of the garage.

DOUGLAS
There’s the little bugger. He called at 7:30 and woke me up this morning, the bastard. If I was going to die today, I’d at least want to sleep in.

They hear the faint screech of the Douglas’s screen door, and the garage door rumbles open.

COLLEEN
How long until he does you in?
DOUGLAS
Well we talk for a while and when I begin to mention the hot check he wrote me... I’m caput. It’s a shame we can’t do anything.

COLLEEN
Observation of your own death is pretty hard I guess.

DOUGLAS
No, I’d just like to punch Max’s lights out.

In the garage, Max picks up the ancient sword.

COLLEEN
Is that what he stabbed you with?

DOUGLAS
Stabbed, cut, peeled, whatever. I just know I wasn’t myself afterward.

DOUGLAS OF THE PAST
Let me go get what the bank sent me...

Suddenly a TRANSLUCENT image of an ANCIENT ZIMBABWE WARRIOR, complete in full body war paint and various body piercings, appears in a puff of smoke beside Max.

DOUGLAS
Oh hell! Damn my prophetic sarcasm!

Max’s arm, sword in hand, is raised by the terrible might of the ghost and strikes down on Douglas of the past with swift ferocity. Douglas of the past’s bloodied corpse falls limp to the floor beside his half cleaned car. The specter ignores Max, who’s on his knees begging for mercy and shouting how much he supports Affirmative Action, and puts his hand to his ear like a Secret Service agent with a radio. He speaks in a DEEP VOICE.

DEEP VOICE
Just then.... (beat) Douglas died. (beat) Yes, just as you programed me to.

DOUGLAS
Who’s he talkin’ to?

DEEP VOICE
Yes...

The warrior ghost disappears.

COLLEEN
I don’t know, but he can’t be a ghost. There’s no such thing as real ghosts. Wait who does Max work for and why is he in a suit and tie?

DOUGLAS
He works at Skywalker Ranch. They were having a presentation of the new CG technology in Revenge of the Sith this morning to the investors. I’ve been giving him such a hard time the last few years since they can’t make decent Star Wars film to save their life.

COLLEEN
Did you give them bad reviews?

DOUGLAS
I gave them the worst reviews I’ve ever given any film. Why?

COLLEEN
This is bad... very very bad.

DOUGLAS
Why?

COLLEEN
George Lucas... he’s the Devil.

FADE OUT

[beyond_th3]

The Beginning Of The End

INT. TRAIN STATION - DAY

In a crowded train station on a very hot day, JOSHUA waited for his train to arrive.

He stood against the wall and listened to his CD player. As his music was playing, it seemed that the world was passing him by.

The train he was waiting for arrived, but Joshua did not move. He stood against that wall for two hours without moving as numerous people walked by. His CD went off and suddenly he fell back down to earth.

JOSHUA (V.O.)
Oh s***. I missed my f****** train. Now what am I gonna do?
He pondered that question for about five minutes and called his BOSS.

JOSHUA (cont’d)
Hey its Josh. I missed my train and I can’t make it today. Sorry.

BOSS
Its alright. Go home and get some rest, you need it.

JOSHUA
Thanks man, I appreciate it.

BOSS
No problem, but you better be here tomorrow.

JOSHUA
I’ll try my best.

BOSS
Somehow I don’t think your best is good enough.

JOSHUA
Okay I will be there. Bye.

Now left with a whole day to do nothing, Joshua decided to check out a movie.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Joshua began to walk to the local theatre to check out the new movie that came out when he wanted to hear some music. He stopped and put on another CD and pressed play.

He was listening to heavy metal and he could not hear anything else but his music. He began walking and rocking his head back and forth a little when behind him a light shone above his head.

Joshua felt the heat on his shaved head and turned around to see what it was, and it was the sun shining brighter than he’d ever seen almost as if it were smiling at him.

He turned back around and to his amazement a WOMAN whose beauty blinded him, stood in front of his face.

WOMAN
Hi. Can you help me I’m lost.

JOSHUA
Ah. Sure. Where are you trying to get to.

WOMAN
That light over there, I was told to follow the light and it would lead me to morning.

Joshua looked at the lady as if she were crazy, but her beauty made it impossible to look elsewhere.

JOSHUA
Are you talking about that light up there, the sun?

WOMAN
If that’s what you want to call him, then yes I am talking about the sun.

JOSHUA
Are you okay Miss...

WOMAN
I am AGATHA, star of the night.

Joshua was trying hard not to laugh, because it was clear that this woman had mental issues. He shook her hand.

JOSHUA
Nice to meet you Agatha. I am....

Before Joshua could finish his sentence, Agatha interrupted.

AGATHA
Joshua. Long have I desired to look upon the son of morning.

Joshua began to look very confused.

JOSHUA
How the hell did you know my name and what the hell are you talking about?

AGATHA
Funny you should speak of hell, my dear Joshua. But it is not my time nor my place to mention it. I have traveled far to look upon such grace in the face of a human.

Joshua began to get upset and amazed at the same time. He had never saw such beauty in his life, and she was crazy. He wanted to turn his head and walk away, but his eyes would not let him.

As words began to roll off of Agatha’s tongue, Joshua strayed into what seemed like a dream. Agatha’s voice sounded like birds singing on a clear spring morning around green grass and beautiful trees. He did not want her to stop, but he couldn’t take it anymore and decided to leave.

JOSHUA
I’m sorry Agatha, but I have to go. And as much as I would like to stand here and talk to you all day about the stars, moon, and the sky, I have a life. Nice meeting you though.

AGATHA
Life, my dear Joshua, will never be the same for you. Your life carries the fate of us all. If you fail, then the fallen will fall forever.

Joshua turned his head and pressed play on his CD player. He was so out of thought that he forgot about the world again. This time he was not standing against the wall but walking and as he walked and listened to his music, he was hit by a bus.

Joshua got up quickly and was surprised that the bus missed him.

JOSHUA
Whoa that was close.

Many people began to run screaming and Joshua wanted to know what was going on. He asked many people, but no one responded. He decided to follow the crowd and see what was going on.

There in a pool of blood lied the life of Joshua, slowly fading away.

A familiar voice Joshua heard as he was in shock.

AGATHA
My dear Joshua. The light awaits you.

JOSHUA
I don’t believe this, I can’t be dead.

AGATHA
The answers will come, but first we must go to the light. Do not fear the light, it was your destiny.

And suddenly amidst the darkness around Joshua’s heart, white lights appeared all over, and Agatha’s beauty became chilling. Her face became white and cold, her eyes turned white, her hair turned white. Behind her two white feathered wings appeared and she floated away from the earth into the light.

Joshua heard many voices, praising him and some he saw kneeling before him.
He walked against the light and disappeared.

EXT. THE KINGDOM - DAY

A naked body lay on the cold floor motionless, lifeless. Joshua was awoken from the most beautiful music he ever heard.

As he awoke, he saw that he was in a completely different place.

JOSHUA
This can’t be earth. Where am I?

A VOICE spoke to him.

VOICE
You are in the kingdom of the angel, home of the beautiful one. I am DELMAN, the messenger. Come he awaits you. Put this cloth on your naked body.

As Joshua put the cloth on, he noticed two lines of many figures and a white line in between that lead to white steps.

He began to walk with Delman and as he neared the figures, he noticed that the figures were people of many colors and shapes kneeling before him and praising him.

DELMAN
Behold the man.

Joshua looked at Delman with confusion and wonder.

JOSHUA
Do I go up the steps?

DELMAN
Yes my lord. You go to your rightful place upon the throne of our king, your father.

JOSHUA
What? Who am I?

DELMAN
He has all the answers. Now go and fear not the worries of humanity.

Joshua began to walk up the white steps. He approached what seemed like the top of the steps, and what he saw made him stop in his tracks.

There were twenty seats and standing in front of them were twenty figures, dressed in white robes, dipped in blood at the tips. They all had white hair and white eyes, with feathered wings behind them.

They all bowed to Joshua, and he bowed back. He began to like the attention he was getting.

Joshua saw a familiar face upon the twenty figures, it was Agatha. She walked up to Joshua.

AGATHA
Joshua now comes your time to meet him. He awaits you.

JOSHUA (V.O.)
If he awaited me so much, why didn’t he just come down all these damn steps I had to walk up?

Agatha directed Joshua to the final set of steps.

JOSHUA (V.O.) (cont’d)
Oh my God, more steps.

As Joshua began to walk up the final steps, a bright white light shone above. He made it up the steps to see the greatest thing he ever saw with his two eyes.

A white light shone above a high throne where a DARK HAIRED FIGURE sat. Next to the high throne were two smaller thrones, both were empty.

It was amazing to Joshua. It was like a hall in a high kingdom, but this kingdom was on the outside.

Joshua stood afraid at the top of the steps, when the Dark Haired Figure got up from his seat and walked to Joshua.

The Dark Haired Figure was now face to face with Joshua, and He was overcome by such grace and beauty. Joshua fell to his knees and looked up as if he were a peasant.

The figure, who looked like a man, kneeled to the floor and with a smile grabbed Joshua by the hand and lifted him up from the floor.

DARK HAIRED FIGURE
Do not fear me my son, you are the one who should be feared. You hold the key to the end, and for that you should be worshipped.

Tears began to roll down Joshua’s face. He had never heard a voice so beautiful or seen a man so beautiful.

JOSHUA
Are you Jesus?

The Dark Haired Figure laughed.

DARK HAIRED FIGURE
Jesus. No, I am LUCIFER, star of the morning, and you are my chosen son. This place is where those of us who are not welcome into heaven dwell. We call it Fella, the home of the Fallen.

Joshua looked at Lucifer but not with an evil look, but a look of doubt. He imagined Lucifer as the devil, an ugly being, but instead was the most beautiful creature he'd laid eyes upon.

FADE TO WHITE.

[King_Strider]

THE FEAR
By
King_Strider

1.
DARKNESS.

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
When I was a child, my Father used to sit by the fire and tell me stories. Stories of creatures that lived in the night. Monsters who thrived on human fear and suffering. To me, they were just words. Shadows in my worst nightmare.

FADE IN on a small boy sitting in front of a fire. The room is dark save for the light cast by the flames. His eyes are wide with fear and awe. His attention is fixed with anticipation on something ahead (off- screen).

V.O. (cont’d)
I don’t have to tell my son these stories….

A tear rolls down the cheek of the boy.

V.O. (cont’d)
He can see it for himself.

Slowly pull back to reveal that the boy is looking at a window. On the other side of the glass is a large dark figure. It stares down at the boy.

CUT TO BLACK.

We hear the window smashed open. The boy screams.

SILENCE.

2.
INT. BATHROOM. NIGHT.
The room is small and dimly lit. The floor and wall tiles are cracked, and broken glass from the shower cubicle litters the floor.

COLIN, in his early 30s, stands in front of a mirror. He stares blankly at his reflection. His face is hard and serious, covered by several scars. He reaches into his pocket and removes a small razor, watching it intently. His hand trembles. He steadies himself, takes a deep breath, and moves the razor to his skin. Slowly and carefully, he drags the razor across his chin, removing a patch of dark facial hair. He pulls the razor away and smiles lightly.

COLIN
Hello, handsome.

He moves the razor to his skin again and carefully begins his second stroke. A soft thud is heard from outside the bathroom. COLIN jumps and turns towards the bathroom door. He stands completely still, listening for any further noise. After a moment he breathes a sigh of relief and turns back towards the mirror. He sees a spot of blood to the left of his chin, where he had been shaving. His eyes go wide with fear.

COLIN
No…

A drop of blood falls from the cut and hits the floor. He looks to the floor then back to the mirror. Another drop falls.

COLIN
Please God, don’t do this…

He moves his hand to the cut, standing silently.

A loud thud comes from above, on the roof of the house. COLIN looks up. The power goes out, throwing the room into total darkness. There is the sound of hurried footsteps and objects falling as COLIN stumbles in the dark. His breathing is fast and panicked. The power returns. COLIN is sitting in the bath, his back to the wall, a silver gun in his hands pointed towards the closed door. His hands tremble.

COLIN (closing his eyes)
Keep it together Colin… keep it together.

He opens his eyes, his breathing returning to normal. There is a moment of uncomfortable silence. The handle of the door begins to turn.

COLIN
No!

He fires a shot at the door. The handle stops turning. After a beat it begins turning again.

COLIN
Leave us alone!

He fires three more shots into the door. It slowly swings open, revealing an empty doorway. A door further down the hall creaks open. It is the room next door. COLIN stands up and places his ear to the wall. A woman’s muffled voice is heard in the room.

WOMAN
Colin?

She screams. Colin collapses against the wall, weeping. The camera remains on COLIN as the action is heard through the wall.

WOMAN
No… please… don’t…

She screams again and is thrown against the wall of the room, causing the bathroom mirror to fall off the wall and smash. He hears her body collapse to the floor.

COLIN (he kisses his hand and touches it to the wall, still weeping)
(Silently to himself)
I love you baby.

There is silence. He wipes the tears from his eyes. Very faint footsteps are heard in the next room.

COLIN (still silent)
Now leave. Please leave.

He slowly stands. For a moment he listens. He hears nothing, and begins to move toward the doorway. There is absolute silence. COLIN relaxes and leans against the doorway. The door across the hall swings open and a small boy steps out, he has an old, ragged teddy- bear under one arm. He sees COLIN.

BOY
Daddy? What’s going on?

COLIN raises his finger to his mouth.

COLIN (silently)
Jake. Shhhhh.

It is too late. A large dark figure swoops past the bathroom into JAKE’s room. JAKE screams as the creature pulls him into the bedroom and slams the door behind them.

COLIN
NO!

He charges across the hall, knocking the door down with his shoulder.

INT. JAKE’S ROOM.

Moonlight filters in through the window. Inside the room, the dark creature stands with JAKE in his arms. It’s features cannot be seen, it is simply a large, black, humanly shape. JAKE stares up towards the creature with a look of terror. COLIN raises his gun.

COLIN (screaming)
Put him down!

JAKE
Daddy…

COLIN
Put my son down!

COLIN fires a shot at what appears to be the creatures head. He drops JAKE, who runs to COLIN.

COLIN
You stay behind Daddy Jake.

He bends down to JAKE.

COLIN (whispering)
When I say, you turn on the light and run…. (he reaches up and touches his son’s face) I love you Jake.

COLIN stands and faces the creature, who slowly begins to move towards the two.

COLIN
Now Jake!

JAKE turns on the light and runs from the room. In an instant we see the creature’s true form. It stands at 7-foot tall, its thin, lean body covered with heavy black robes. Under a hood we see two large, deep eyes and two sharp, glistening fangs. It shrieks at the light, reaching a clawed hand up to smash the light bulb. It lets out a terrible, deep scream and swoops towards COLIN. In one quick motion, COLIN reaches down, pulls a long wooden stake from inside his boot, and thrusts it into the chest of the descending creature. It shrieks and freezes, it’s face an inch from COLIN’s.

COLIN
That’s for my wife.

He spits into the face of the creature. It stumbles back and falls to the floor. COLIN runs from the bedroom into the hallway.

INT. HALLWAY.

COLIN (yelling)
Jake?

He frantically moves down the hallway, looking into each room.

COLIN
Jake? Where are you?!

He stops at the doorway to the bedroom next to the bathroom.

COLIN
Oh Jake…

INT. BEDROOM.

Jake is crouched next to the body of a woman. He turns to his Father, tears in his eyes.

JAKE
Mommy won’t wake up.

COLIN moves to Jake, crouching next to him.

COLIN
Take my hand Jake.

They hold hands.

COLIN
Father, please take Mommy into your everlasting grace…

He looks down at the body, two marks can be seen on her neck. He closes his eyes and looks away.

COLIN
Keep her safe in your Kingdom. Amen.

JAKE
Amen. Daddy look…

JAKE hold up his arm. A large cut can be seen across his elbow, inflicted by the creature.

JAKE
They’ll smell my blood…

COLIN
Its okay. They already know we’re here.

He picks his son up, holding him close. He looks into his eyes.

COLIN
We’re going to make it out of here Jake. But we have to be strong. Remember…

He places his fist over his heart.

COLIN
Heart of steel.

JAKE places his small fist over his own heart.

JAKE
Heart of steel, Daddy.

JAKE wraps his arms around COLIN’s neck, clutching him tight. COLIN stands, holding JAKE, and quickly makes his way to the hallway.

INT. HALLWAY.

COLIN moves to the front door, hesitating before turning the doorknob. He looks at his son, and kisses him on the forehead.

COLIN
Remember the stories I used to tell you Jake? Before the monsters came?

JAKE
Yes.

COLIN
Always remember them. Remember that the hero always wins. No matter what.

COLIN throws the door open.

EXT. MOONLIT STREET. NIGHT.

The street is a scene of devastation. Houses lay ruined and empty, the street littered with burnt out cars and rubble. It is devoid of human life. COLIN steps out from the house, JAKE still clutching him tightly. He walks to the middle of the front yard, and falls to his knees. Ahead of him are eight creatures, situated in a semi-circle around the yard, standing silently, facing COLIN and JAKE. COLIN looks from one creature to the next, a look of despair on his face. He knows it is hopeless.

COLIN (speaking into JAKE’s ear)
You be the hero Jake. You finish this.

He puts his son aside, and stands, moving to the centre of the creatures. He looks from one to the next.

COLIN
You win. Okay? You’ve won! What else do you want from us?

He moves closer to the creatures.

COLIN
Let us go. You don’t need us. Please let us go.

One of the creatures moves to COLIN. It stands directly in front of him, staring into his face. It places a clawed hand onto COLIN’s shoulder and pushes him to his knees. COLIN looks up towards the creature, tears forming in his eyes.

COLIN
Please let my son live.

The creature swoops down on COLIN, biting into his neck. JAKE watches from afar, watches his Fathers life sucked from his body. He lowers his head and begins to pray.

JAKE (his eyes closed, silently)
Father, please take Daddy into your everlasting grace… keep him safe in your Kingdom. Amen.

COLIN’s lifeless body falls to the ground. The creature, blood running down its robes, slowly stands and looks to JAKE. For a moment the two stare at eachother in silence. The creature lets out a short, sharp shriek, sinking away into the darkness with the other creatures. Almost simultaneously, two wings emerge from under the robes of each creature. They lift into the air, flying in a pack towards the horizon. JAKE has been allowed to live. He stands, moves to his Fathers body, and removes the long stake concealed in COLIN’s boot. He stares at it for a moment, then looks up towards the sky.

CROSS- FADE TO:

3.
JAKE, now in his 30s, stands at the front window of a house. He is still looking up towards the sky. He has a hardened, serious face, and he stares out to the road. In his hands he holds a shotgun, and strapped to his waist is his Father’s wooden stake.

The VOICE-OVER from the beginning continues, it is the voice of the now old JAKE.

JAKE (V.O)
They came. They drove fear into the very hearts of humans. And they won.
But the worst mistake they made was letting me live.

A door behind JAKE opens, and in runs a small boy. He holds the same ragged, old teddy as the younger JAKE, and hugs his Father’s leg. A beautiful woman follows him in; she wraps her arms around JAKE’s waist.

JAKE (V.O)
My Father kept us alive when they came. And now I’m going to finish it.
As long as there are humans alive, we will continue to fight.

JAKE looks down at his son.

JAKE (V.O)
I won’t rest, until my son only knows these creatures…

FADE TO BLACK

JAKE (V.O) (cont’d)
…in his worst nightmares. Where they belong.

We hear the shotgun cocked.

THE END.

[Citizen Kane]

I'm sorry, I got confused and emailed this.

The WILLAGE

By:_____________

This is sort of like a one act play

SCENE 1: Psychiatrist’s Office

A vampire walks into a psychiatrist’s office, Dr. Trudeau. HE sits down.

THE VAMPIRE:
Well, first thing you should probably know about me…I’m a vampire.

Dr. Trudeau shifts uneasily in HIS chair.

TRUDEAU:
When did you start to believe-

The Vampire grabs a mouse from the ground that had been scurrying by. HE sucks it dry.)

TRUDEAU:

I see…

CUT TO: The Vampire’s home. HIS name is Martin Malt.

Malt’s apartment is very nice. Most of the furniture is antique, and everything smells vaguely of Lysol.

MALT:

It’s a hard life, and not a very enjoyable one. I should probably also mention that I’m…well, I’m obsessive compulsive.

A montage appears of Malt frantically scrubbing various windows and pieces of furniture with a nervous look on his face.

CUT TO: A Blood bank

Malt sneaks into the vault with a large burlap sack. HE fills it with blood packets.

MALT:
For about twenty years, I’ve been living on the blood bank. Sure, people need that blood, but what are you gonna do?

CUT TO: Malt, sitting at a kitchen table.

(HE lifts a blood packet out of the bag and sucks the blood out instantaneously. HE discards the packet, and grabs another blood packet from the burlap sack.)

MALT:
But…you really can’t beat the thrill of going after a person. I guess it’s sort of like hunting, which means humanity is like animals I guess.

TRUDEAU:
But….aren’t you technically a human?

MALT:
I guess you could say that. But not really. I mean, you know, can’t go out in sunlight, no garlic bread…Not normal. Which is why…I want to change.

TRUDEAU:
You want to…change?

MALT:
Yes, I’m like….Wayne Knight on a diet.

TRUDEAU:
Wayne Knight? Who’s that?

MALT:
Never mind. Point is…well…yeah, I guess I’m coming to you for help.

TRUDEAU:
Have you tried self-motivation tapes?

MALT:
No.

TRUDEAU:
Have you tried…Dieting pills.

MALT:
They taste like crap!

TRUDEAU:
Have you tried anything?

MALT:
Well, like I said, I’ve been taking blood from the blood bank.

TRUDEAU:
My uncle died because they didn’t have the blood he needed.

MALT:
Whoops.

TRUDEAU:
So….why me?

MALT:
I like your name. It’s like the Doonesbury guy.

TRUDEAU:
Well, I have something to reveal. I…am the Doonesbury guy.

(A violin theme, resembling that of Psycho, begins playing in the background, generally becoming louder.)

MALT:
Well, I should probably tell you…I’m actually dead. Not like a zombie, but like a ghost.

(TRUDEAU looks shocked.)

TRUDEAU:

You know, on my off time I dress use my superpowers to scare people into staying in East Village. My costume is a red cloak, and twigs.

HE grabs a glass of water and stands up. TRUDEAU trips, and water spills on MALT. HE explodes.

CUT TO: A dark figure, watching all of this unfold on a video screen and laughing maniacally. As the camera moves around HIM, we find out that the man is M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN!

The end

[Mat]

Wow, only 4 this time...

Should we start judging or will there be more?

[beyond_th3]

What happened to the other five or six people?

[LordofKings]

Didn't have time to write it...sorry. Im never signing up again unless im 100 PERCENT SURE I CAN WRITE.

[droidguy1119]

Well, I guess there aren't going to be any more. I wonder especially what happened to poashaggy, he seemed agitated when he was left out...

Anyway, start judging.

[beyond_th3]

Is anyone going to vote or has this thread died?

[droidguy1119]

Well, I'm just waiting for people to post their votes. Since I'm just the guy running it, I have to wait for you guys.

That's right. Stop asking about it and just judge already :P

[poashaggy69]

yea sorry i guys, i didnt have time to write, things have been hectic, plus were going on vacation. the next time i sign up, i promise i will have a script that will blow your mind....

[droidguy1119]

Judge Judge Judge!!

[beyond_th3]

Well I guess I will vote first,

1. King Strider - I liked it.
2. Mat - very funny especially the end.
3. Ctizen Kane - interesting TWIST.

[Mat]

1. CK: :funny:
2. King_Strider: Well written. A little cliche and corny, though.
3. Beyond_th3: Interesting concept, but the ending's underwhelming. Try to write in present tense too.

[King_Strider]

1. Mat: Hilarious! Nice twist on the topic
2. CK: Funny, but a little too short
3. Beyond_th3: I liked the concept, but the dialogue was a bit odd...

[droidguy1119]

I will vote on mine tomorrow and then we will go into the next round...finally...

[Mat]

"Yesterday... all my troubles seemed so far away."

Vote people who haven't voted... while we're still young. :angry: :cool:

[droidguy1119]

I'll post my votes after Citizen Kane does, whoever votes last gets kind of negated unless there is a tie, and I feel it's more important for CK's votes to count as opposed to mine.

[droidguy1119]

CK's screen name is BenadrylHitman46 (It's in his CS Profile, don't freak out). IM him incessantly, asking him to vote, maybe he will.

[Citizen Kane]

1. Mat. Funny funny funny.
2. King_Strider: creepy, but the concept is a bid familiar and I'd like to know more about the creatures.
3. Beyond: Sort of an inconsequential, lightweight story, but it had a good ending.

[droidguy1119]

1. Mat: Hilarious, well-written, with an amusing ending. Although it's a little like Martha Stewart being an evil alien ;)
2. King Strider: Dramatic, but it could have been more compelling. I think it needed another element, something to blow it through the roof.
3. Citizen Kane: Funny but totally throwaway and occasionally rote. I liked this though:


MALT:
Well, like I said, I’ve been taking blood from the blood bank.

TRUDEAU:
My uncle died because they didn’t have the blood he needed.

MALT:
Whoops.

4. beyond_th3: It was well written, but it stopped before there was any plot. Feels like the beginning of a story.

[droidguy1119]

Mat places first in round one (finally that round is over) and he, Citizen Kane and King_Strider move on to the second round. Sorry, beyond_th3, maybe next time -- and you've improved. Take the given advice to heart and next time you'll do better.

If Mat gets online tonight, then I will post the topic. If not, we will wait for him, for he is on the least often. But I do have the topic ready -- I've had it for quite awhile. And it's different than the other topics. This one will allow the creativity to flow even more than the current round...

[King_Strider]

Phew! About time, I'd almost given up on this thread...

I'm ready for the next round so post the topic whenever...

[droidguy1119]

This is a new idea I had. Instead of a topic, here are your requirements:

You must write a script with only two (2) settings -- they can be anything, but you only get 2 so use them wisely. You can go inside and out of these settings if it is, for instance, a house, but if you go to the neighbor's house, then that is your second setting. If you choose a city, you must specify a part of the city, you cannot use a whole city. If you want to use a town, however, you can use the entire town, but you can only use two buildings in that town. You can use only one setting if you like.

The script must also contain exactly six (6) characters. No more, no less. They don't all have to live, and you can kill them whenever if you like, but there must be exactly six characters. As an exception, you can populate areas as long as the people do not become characters. If you want your setting to be a city or a town, then there can be people, but these people must not interact with characters.

That's all there is to it. Other than the above rules, you can do whatever you want, but you must stay within those guidelines. Have a good time figuring out the possibilites and good luck! :D

The deadline for this round will be Monday, at noon PST. Get going!

[Mat]

The script must also contain exactly six (6) characters. No more, no less. They don't all have to live, and you can kill them whenever if you like, but there must be exactly six characters.


Six shall be the number of the characters and the number of the characters shall be Six. Seven shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count Five, excepting that thou then proceedeth to Six. Eight is right out. Once the number Six, being the Sixth number, be reached, then submitest thou the Holy Screenplay in the direction of thine foe, droidguy.

Just clarifying things. ;)

[Citizen Kane]

I'm really sorry to do this, but I'm going to have to drop out for this round. I had no time at all this weekend to do any writing, because I had to take care of essays for school, which starts tomorrow. :(

Maybe next time.

[Mat]

Heh... I didn't have time to get to it either. Go figure.

[droidguy1119]

I'll extend the deadline by 2 more days because you guys have school. And I'm not sure if King_Strider has done any work.

[King_Strider]

I'm in the middle of exams so didn't get anything done either... Hopefully I'll find a couple of hours either today or tomorrow to write something

[droidguy1119]

How about this then: You have one and a half days (noon) to get your entries in after whoever finishes and posts one first.

[droidguy1119]

Still waiting, if the contestants finish, we'll keep playing.

[droidguy1119]

So, if anyone is still interested in this, I'd like to bring it back.

[Se7en the movie]

I'm very interested actually.

[poashaggy69]

Im also still interested.

[stonefaced_1]

I'll do it if I can find the time.

[Citizen Kane]

I'll give it a shot.

[stonefaced_1]

I don't know how well I will do. I've always been a more of an analytical person. I can write very good essays and reports, but I've always sucked at fiction. This should be interesting.

[krushgroove19]

ooh! i'm game, it's pretty much all i do anyway.

[krushgroove19]

so, we gonna do this bad boy or what? sorry, i'm a bit excited to compete.

[stonefaced_1]

I have no idea. I'm ready go. It's Mat's thread. PM him and ask.

[droidguy1119]

I don't think Mat has the time. If more people sign up I will get it going, when it died I was in charge of it anyway. School started and everything went to hell.

[ip_guru]

I won't have the time to write this time, but I'll give you all an honest critique, if so desired.

[krushgroove19]

so how many people do we need? i've counted six so far, i think. plus one possible judge.

[The WupZter]

so are we going to start anything new or what?

[droidguy1119]

Six is enough.

If you want to start, say so...I have been busy but will soon be freed up.

[stonefaced_1]

Lets start?

[krushgroove19]

HHOOOOAAAH!!!! time this got off the ground! let's roll!

*high fives self*

[droidguy1119]

That's only two people. Come on. Start PMing people or something.

[stonefaced_1]

Hmm. Krushgroove doesn't post anymore, and I don't really have the time. So I'm guessing this is dead again.

[Cloud Buster]

I'd be very interested in this...but I worry about my ability to finish what I start.

[Se7en the movie]

Well looks like its time to pull out another classic script. You can count me in.

[droidguy1119]

Alright...maybe...get some more people. I don't want to devote my energies to running it unless it is going to happen. So it is up to you! :)

[ip_guru]

Just checking in....

If the issue is time, you can simply shrink the format. What we did before pretty much turned into 'shorts'. Maybe this time make it scene(s) (but limit to one sequence). This will be much shorter, and more people could be involved.

Here is one I did on another board. Single sequence writing: One sequence where a man has to surprise his wife with the news that he just lost his job; while she needs to surprise him with news of her becoming pregnant.


Just throwing the idea out there.....

[droidguy1119]

Thanks, that's a pretty good idea...hmm.

Who thinks that will be more manageable?

[Cloud Buster]

That would definetly be easier. The problem, I think, is still exposure to this thread. I don't think people come down to this part of CS that often. I know I don't.

[The WupZter]

You can always the link to your sig if you like, so more people can get involved.