Conversation Stoppers II

[MaxRockatanski]

I just threw up in the soup pan, but hey, it`s vegetable soup and you`ll never know.

[MaxRockatanski]

Why use toilet paper, fingers are much softer and kinder to your behind.

[TyRoss]

"Ladies and gentlemen please rise as our national anthem is sung by Miss Roseanne Barr"

[JBond]

"Everyone stop talking for a minute!"

[Godzilla]

Originally posted by JBond
"Everyone stop talking for a minute!"

LOL!:D

[Hank Scorpio]

So, who do you think is better in the sack, mom or dad?

[HeadHunter]

....and all i could think of was "What a nice bush"

[MaxRockatanski]

You know, after I`d eaten his leg, I just knew his kidneys would be fantastic devilled on toast

[Frizzo the Clown]

"......so, when I woke up, my pants were down, and someone had rubbed peanut butter all over my testicles. To make matters worse, the dog was licking the peanut butter off. Thats when I realized.......I really didn't mind....."

[TyRoss]

"Are you gay?"

[Rogue]

"And then I pulled out the red hot poker.."

[Frizzo the Clown]

".....then he asked me if I was gay. I was so surprised I was speechless. All I could think to say was to ask him if he wanted to lick peanut butter off of my testicles....."

[MaxRockatanski]

Don`t know about you, but I was always told that anyone who spreads peanut butter on their testes is as bent as a two bob note.

[todd philip]

" i have five children, my mother is their mother"

[Frizzo the Clown]

".....so then I stuck this Roman Candle up my ass and light the fuse...."

[Rogue]

"...and THAT'S why I was in prison for murder!"

[Frizzo the Clown]

"....and then the hooker took one look at me and said that even she had standards..."

[todd philip]

"no, no thank you, i'm full, i had baby meat for lunch."

[MaxRockatanski]

uuhh, uuhh, eeeee, see, I told you I could fit that marrow in my @rse

[MaxRockatanski]

When I was at the clap clinic this morning...............

[MaxRockatanski]

Now if you just sprinkle the toe nail clippings onto the bread, this sandwich is complete.

[Hank Scorpio]

How was I supposed to know that condom mint meant ketchup?

[MaxRockatanski]

....the doctor told him that this was the third time in a fortnight that he had had to remove the steel screw from the end of his wee wee, "if you come in again like this, we will not remove it".

(True story)

[todd philip]

the stains on my shirt are not ice cream stains, but c@m stains!!!

[MaxRockatanski]

After the car hit me, I just scooped up my intestines with my hands and made straight for the hospital

[todd philip]

i do enjoy humping rabbits often, there fur tickles my one eyed willie!!!

[MaxRockatanski]

OK, you keep hold of its head whilst I just stick my dic................

[Hobbit Girl]

Do you like the appetiser? I got it out of the "Donner Party Cookbook"

[MaxRockatanski]

the dog was licking me quite happily when for no apparent reason he ups and bites me swallowing one nut whole...

[Hobbit Girl]

Don't you just hate when your tapeworms are mating?

[JBond]

"Her tonsils taste pretty good actually"

[MaxRockatanski]

Originally posted by JBond
"Her tonsils taste pretty good actually"

especially with a fine chianti

[todd philip]

yum, yum, i found this hot, slimy, wet, piece of chocolate in the mens room, yum, GULP!

[Hobbit Girl]

oh come on now

[Knerys]

Originally posted by Hobbit Girl
oh come on now I have to agree!!

[todd philip]

you people need to litten the freak up! :mad: :rolleyes:

[Knerys]

Originally posted by todd philip
you people need to litten the freak up! :mad: :rolleyes: And you need to find some tact!

[MaxRockatanski]

I promise, no more sexually intoned conversation stoppers

[todd philip]

i found this lemonade in the mens bathroom, gulp!

[Knerys]

It amazing how little pressure it took to crack the skull...

[Hobbit Girl]

I'm in love with you

(that's the best one I've ever heard. Stops them all dead.)

[MaxRockatanski]

I`m pregnant!

[Godzilla]

Originally posted by MaxRockatanski
I`m pregnant!

You are? It's not mine, Max! You can't prove it!

[Iben]

I've always wondered what ass tastes like

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by Iben
I've always wondered what ass tastes like It tastes a lot like chicken, surprisingly.

[Iben]

Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown
It tastes a lot like chicken, surprisingly. you think you could hook me up with some?

[Hank Scorpio]

Originally posted by Iben
you think you could hook me up with some?

Hey, what you guys do with your private time is your own business. Just don't bring it onto the boards. ;)

[Iben]

Originally posted by Hank Scorpio


Hey, what you guys do with your private time is your own business. Just don't bring it onto the boards. ;) trust me, you ain't seen nothing yet ;)

[MaxRockatanski]

Originally posted by Godzilla
You are? It's not mine, Max! You can't prove it!

Hey, I got some of your DNA from the TOHO studios, you are in deep trouble!

[todd philip]

"so i opened the casket, and had sex with it"

[MaxRockatanski]

When I opened the crypt I had the shock of my life, you see there was this guy doing something unspeakable on top of an open coffin.

[Hobbit Girl]

Nobody move, I think my butt plug just fell out!

[HeadHunter]

I travel through time destroying all the world leading bug experts so that the great bugoo bug will take over the world and make me live for ever

[todd philip]

would you like to see my turd collection!

[HeadHunter]

I AM THE ARMY OF THE TWELVE MONKEYS

[howard-the-duck]

i like to eat the gooey crust that forms around my eyelids in the morning! yum :)

[Hobbit Girl]

Have you ever thought about the role, our lord and savior, Satan, Prince of Hell, has in mind for you in the coming armegeddon?

[MaxRockatanski]

I was just scraping out the cheese from my belly button when, ooof, I pushed that finger just a little too far, I always wondered what it would taste like to try dinner after it was digested!

[Hobbit Girl]

Do you have trouble keeping your Klan robes white like I do?

[MaxRockatanski]

I`ve learnt the subtle art of regurgitation, would you like to see?

[todd philip]

so then i skinned the guy alive...

[TyRoss]

"Go ahead guess how long it is"

[MaxRockatanski]

Originally posted by TyRoss
"Go ahead guess how long it is"

My eyes aren`t that good but I`d say ........hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, sorry, couldn`t control myself, OK, er.... umm...*get`s magnifying glass* oooh, about an inch?

[TyRoss]

"We will sacrfice the goat to our lord bachhus."

[MaxRockatanski]

When you cook a person, you really need the entrails to make a good giblet gravy

[Frizzo the Clown]

"....Hey man, you wanna come take a look at this before I flush it?..."

[MaxRockatanski]

mmmm, those Mac burgers are just SOOOO YUMMY!

[todd philip]

mmmmmmmmm that dead racoon in the middle of the road is just so damn yummy!!

[MaxRockatanski]

you know, you really are about as beautiful as a rat`s @rse

[MaxRockatanski]

Hey, sheep`s eyes on toast for dinner, want some?

[MaxRockatanski]

Jesus is just a character in a thick book

[todd philip]

my dad is sooooooooooo hot!!!

[MaxRockatanski]

Todd`s dad is not thaaat hot!

[todd philip]

so then i humped the dead racoon!!

[todd philip]

yum, that dead old lady that i found freshly buried in that cemetary was SCRUPTIOUS!!!

[MaxRockatanski]

You`re a warped man Todd Philip:p

[todd philip]

Originally posted by MaxRockatanski
You`re a warped man Todd Philip:p

:p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p

[MaxRockatanski]

Originally posted by todd philip
:p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p


Hey, I didn`t say there was anything wrong with that;)

[Hobbit Girl]

Wanna try on my kidney stone necklace? I grew them myself but I promise I washed them off thoroughly after I passed them.

[todd philip]

would you like some of my BULLMILK that i squeezed myself?

[MaxRockatanski]

would you like a little grated bogey on that cheeseburger?

[todd philip]

look at my belly!!! it's huge!!! i have got to stop eating roasted midget meat!!!

[Elizabeth]

Heh, now I'm thinking of an Animaniacs (Slappy the Squirrel, to be exact) cartoon that could go in here!


Slappy (working at the snack bar in a theatre): May I help you, or did the Goodyear blimp just land?

Critic: :mad: Ha ha. Gimme a large tub of popcorn.

Slappy: Here ya go, Shamu. Would ya like artificial butter flavoring on that?

Critic: Sure! (pause) Does it cost extra?

Slappy: Artificial butter? Nah... cheap stuff.

Critic: What's it made of?

Slappy: Ehh, just lard... that I'm liposuctioning out of your gut!!

Critic: :eek:

[todd philip]

woman: is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me!

man: no, its just my third arm!

[MaxRockatanski]

I fancy devilled sheeps brain for lunch. mmmmmmmmmm

[MaxRockatanski]

wanna see how I fix my colostomy bag on?

[todd philip]

my mom is your moms grandmas uncle aunts, sisters, uncles best freinds aunt, brothers cousin!!!

[Hobbit Girl]

Whoa! Nobody move! I dropped my retina! Feel around on the ground for it.

[HeadHunter]

you wanna do WHAT to you father??

[MaxRockatanski]

Would you like some stewed cow intestines for dinner?

[todd philip]

would you like to have a GO with my 8 year old son???

[HeadHunter]

I like to have my balls shaved

[todd philip]

i like to shave his balls!

[MaxRockatanski]

I like to make wigs from shaved pubic hair (I heard that Todd likes to wear them;) )

[TyRoss]

To a new girlfriend after the first time sharing intimacy:

Wow if I wasn't gay before I sure am now.

[todd philip]

to tyross's new girlfriend: WOW YOU FELT GOOD! but not as good as tyross!!!

[JBond]

Mein Führer!!

[Iben]

Originally posted by JBond
Mein Führer!! I don't think it's fair that you post in another language, can we please stick to English? :rolleyes: ;)

[JBond]

Originally posted by Iben
I don't think it's fair that you post in another language, can we please stick to English? :rolleyes: ;)

You're mocking me aren't you ;)

Well it wouldn't be funny if I said "My leader" , it has to be in German.

[todd philip]

kong pong long

[Iben]

Originally posted by JBond
You're mocking me aren't you ;) Would I EVER do such a thing? ;)

[JBond]

Originally posted by Iben
Would I EVER do such a thing? ;)

Well....yeah!

[Iben]

:(

[JBond]

Originally posted by Iben
:(

;) :p

[howard-the-duck]

that cookie your eating is made from baby meat

[Meep69]

lol

[Iben]

conversation stopper: lol

[Moe Szyslak]

Hello old friend, how have you been?

*Cracks knuckles*

Nobody does that to my son and gets away wiht it. I say we go over to the church and give that priest a little of his own medicine. Who's with me?

[Moe Szyslak]

It's not like we're talking about rocket science. All I'm saying is that a hole is a hole.

Say, didn't you say that you have a dog the last time I was here?

[Macbane]

ALRIGHT! Nobody move...i've lost my ferret...

[todd philip]

my underwear smells like tuna fish eggs

[Moe Szyslak]

The doctors haven't been able to identify it yet, so it looks like they are going to name it after me.

[thebtskink]

And for this and many other reasons, Iben is Dutch.

[Moe Szyslak]

If you really think about it, we are so closely related to apes that you can't really call it beastiality.

[Moe Szyslak]

Your butt smells lovely, may I ask what kind of toilet paper you use?

[JBond]

Originally posted by Moe Szyslak
Your butt smells lovely, may I ask what kind of toilet paper you use?

Oh no, that's just from my mint

[Iben]

Originally posted by thebtskink
And for this and many other reasons, Iben is Dutch. You're already on the list!...and that's not the Clown's list I'm talking about!:mad: ;)

[TyRoss]

Most people think eating monkey brains is gross but they haven't tried human brains.

[Madness]

You know, you'd think touching yourself in public is sick, but it isn't!!! Watch....................

[Macbane]

You know, they're making a Pearl Harbor 2....it's about the cleanup.

[HeadHunter]

SMELL ME....please just SMELL ME

[Macbane]

.....the skin i'm wearing is not my own....

[JBond]

"I haven't had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader!"

[Macbane]

"I haven't had this much sex since I was in jibb's boyscout troop"

[todd philip]

i havent had this much sex since i was a alter boy !!!

[Rogue]

See here. 'Nuff said. (http://www.comingsoon.net/forums/showthread.php?threadid=8886)

[Crispyfootcheez]

yum, yum, yummmm, my poop tase's good

[Meep69]

I own?

[welty69]

thats when I had an unfortunate smelting accident...

http://bobbymac.jeeran.com/blueboobs.gif

[howard-the-duck]

Originally posted by welty69


http://bobbymac.jeeran.com/blueboobs.gif

i could watch that for days!!!

[HeadHunter]

Originally posted by welty69
thats when I had an unfortunate smelting accident...

http://bobbymac.jeeran.com/blueboobs.gif

Look at the baps on that!!

[todd philip]

Originally posted by howard-the-duck
i could watch that for days!!!

ME TOO...



I CANT BELIVE I'M GETTING TURNED ON BY A CARTOON!:p

[welty69]

I have that image as an avatar on another message board.

I just love it... It is soooo hypnotyizing

[JBond]

Time to revive this thread.

If you want a good laugh, go through the oldest pages.

[evilsquishy]

"It's come to my attention that you smell like feces, and not just monkey feces"

[JBond]

"..and that's when I finally decided to put my kids into a sweat shop"

[Oj]

You'd be surprised how much fun you can have with a box of ball bearings and some vaseline.

[bluebeast619]

...i swear i had no idea it was a anal thermometer

[Oj]

I figured it'd be ok since she didn't know we were related...

[JBond]

"You call that a penis?"

[SamuraiiSam]

"You wanna have sex right here?!"

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by JBond
"You call that a penis?" Thats only funny until you actually hear it. :(

[Frizzo the Clown]

".....then she said that she could give her Dad a call and we could have a three-way..."

[Kris Hodgson]

Does anyone know the price of a tawainese whore? I'm going on a trip later this month.

[Oj]

...and that's why I always keep three extra pairs of underware with me.

[todd philip]

and then I stuck it in the dogs mouth!

[IdahoMR2man]

So anyone watch Star Trek last night?

[Tim37ninjageniu]

that's when I started taking Viagra.

[dr_evil]

Hi i'm Travis

[IdahoMR2man]

Originally posted by dr_evil
Hi i'm Travis

Now that is funny! Nicely done Evil.

[todd philip]

you felt really good last night uncle ben!

[IdahoMR2man]

So I'm thinking about buying a Tercel.

[dr_evil]

So can i have your number

[IdahoMR2man]

You have really nice elbows.

[Frizzo the Clown]

You know, my Mom says I'm a great kisser.

[IdahoMR2man]

I'm a clown for a living.

[Frizzo the Clown]

I live in Idaho.

[Kris Hodgson]

And suprisingly, the creme just DIDN't work!

[IdahoMR2man]

Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown
I live in Idaho.
Word

[Frizzo the Clown]

Why yes, I do spend all my time on an internet message board.

[todd philip]

ya, i have to leave now! i have to go shave my dads ass hair!

[IdahoMR2man]

Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown
Why yes, I do spend all my time on an internet message board.
Man, none of us must have any interesting conversations.

[JBond]

"I've met Frizzo"

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by IdahoMR2man
Man, none of us must have any interesting conversations. Took you this long to realize that?

[Frizzo the Clown]

"I've met JBond."

[IdahoMR2man]

I work in repossessions.

[JBond]

I've performed in many scandalous acts with Frizzo against my will

[todd philip]

I eat this VERY YUMMY bald eagle and kawola bear steak last night!

[IdahoMR2man]

So I was thinking about getting into mimeing.

[Tim37ninjageniu]

yes i pimp several male asian prostitutes

[IdahoMR2man]

Sometimes I lick my knees.

[smokiechimp]

Can you see my willy?

[IdahoMR2man]

You can stay home and help me shave my armpits.

[Tim37ninjageniu]

okay but no bodyshots, it might be contagious.

[IdahoMR2man]

Oh I forgot to tell you. The condom came off.

[smokiechimp]

If I lick hear will you hit me?

[dr_evil]

my favorite types of movies are musicals

[IdahoMR2man]

Can someone pop the zit on my back? No seriously.

[dr_evil]

Did you see Glitter?

[smokiechimp]

Suck it and see!

[IdahoMR2man]

I cry when I watch Die Hard.

[Tim37ninjageniu]

why does it matter im goin to kill you anyway.

[IdahoMR2man]

We could always make oragami.

[smokiechimp]

So I was in the bar and my fist just fell on this guys face!!! Complete accident

[IdahoMR2man]

I like cheese.

[smokiechimp]

Can I go draw now? Where are my crayons, I wanna go pee!

[IdahoMR2man]

Dude, check out your mom's boobs!

[smokiechimp]

What's your opinion on lesbian sex with your hot sister?

[IdahoMR2man]

So then I decided that I really needed to get my salad tossed.

[smokiechimp]

I've got cramp in my testicles! :o

[IdahoMR2man]

Did you know that you look just like Steve Buscemi?

[Frizzo the Clown]

Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you slam your penis in the car door?

[smokiechimp]

I collect shrunken heads! I haven't got a blond one yet! :D

[IdahoMR2man]

Any of you guys feel like playing spin the bottle?

[JBond]

But we don't know who the real mother is yet

[Ripley]

Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown
Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you slam your penis in the car door?

Ah no...sorry never experienced that!!

might have something to do with me being a girl. :rolleyes:

[Tim37ninjageniu]

what are your views on sodomy?

[dr_evil]

hi i'm a compulsive liar, want to go out sometime

[thebtskink]

Everytime I hear the closing theme to Dukes of Hazzard, I cry.

[killercowboy]

yummy...worms...of course i mean gummy worms... no really...STOP TEMPTING ME WITH YOUR ANT FARM!!!

[killercowboy]

yea, i got my implants removed yesterday...quite painful

[thebtskink]

Hey, wouldn't it be cool to steal Skink's worm schtick???

[Frizzo the Clown]

...and then, at the end of the ride, I informed everyone on the ride with me that my nipples were hard...

[Frizzo the Clown]

Wow...a real conversation stopper. ;)

[IdahoMR2man]

Wow, my balls really stink.

[TyRoss]

Isn't that Bea Arthur?

[IdahoMR2man]

Does anyone else have a yellowish discharge?

[Tardumb]

haha! nice...

Feel this...no, down, yeah there! Can you feel a bunch of little lumps?

[IdahoMR2man]

Excuse me, can you scratch my ass?

[JBond]

Can you believe all 8 of the girls had headaches the same night?

[IdahoMR2man]

I really admire your homeliness.

[todd philip]

BURRRRRRRRP! excuse me! i had a really good fetus sandwich...

[IdahoMR2man]

To a girl: I really like that you aren't in good shape.

[dr_evil]

those arent real are they

or

Can i touch

[IdahoMR2man]

You know that Jeffery Dahmer sure got a bum rap....

[Chodaboy]

my name is Chodaboy

[IdahoMR2man]

Still funny but been done about twenty times now. What the hell are you up to?

[IdahoMR2man]

It burns when I pee!!!!

[smokiechimp]

It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes

[IdahoMR2man]

Is it hot in here or is that just my bladder infection?

[Tardumb]

Originally posted by IdahoMR2man
Is it hot in here or is that just my bladder infection?

(and if that doesn't do the trick)

I dunno, I thought it was because of the huge pile of **** in my pants.

[IdahoMR2man]

And then I made his skin into a toupee.

[todd philip]

i am jesus!

[Kitty]

...and then as I walked out of the movie theater and I shouted," From Justin to Kelly is the best movie ever!"

(haha, i don't think i've ever really posted in here before)

[LOTR RING]

MEEEEEEEEEOWWWWWW!!! IM A CAT!!!! (screaming)

[Frizzo the Clown]

"...and then I asked the doctor if he could surgically remove the hamster.."

[LOTR RING]

:lol:

Calm down everyone, the bomb possibly wont explode!

[Frizzo the Clown]

"....so, after KP, my Drill Sergeant insisted on showing me how to do a proper push-up. I don't know why we both had to take our pants off first though...."

[IdahoMR2man]

*So that's when I said, "I can't take any more nude pics or you, Mom"

[TyRoss]

(Insert random movie title or Celeb name here) ;) :p

[IdahoMR2man]

Originally posted by TyRoss
(Insert random movie title or Celeb name here) ;) :p

Oooooo below the belt....

[TyRoss]

Ahhh just joshin'

[Frizzo the Clown]

"...and then I looked into her deep, blue eyes and said, 'Why don't you kiss me like you used to, Gramma?'"

[JAE]

"Its not that I'm self conscious, I just shave my ass when it gets too hairy."

[Tim37ninjageniu]

I kill dogs and kittens down at the pound. No I don't work there.

[CapricornDevil]

So, last night I was being beaten by a Girl Scout....

[Kitty]

Originally posted by CapricornDevil
So, last night I was being beaten by a Girl Scout....
oh, sorry about that, thought you were a certain boy scout friend of mine :D:p

[CapricornDevil]

I used to be a boy scout....and I liked the beating Kitty ;)

[sonjablue]

So, a gay man and a girl scout walk into a pool hall........

[dr_evil]

ouch my tongues bleeding can you kiss it and make it better

[JAE]

"So the Doctor said the rash will go away as long as I don't wipe for a week."

[dr_evil]

helloooooooooooo nurse

[IdahoMR2man]

Is it natural to have sweaty ears?

[thebtskink]

You know, if my future kid has to have a disease, I hope he has Tourette's.

[JBond]

"The world was much more exciting with SARS"

[thebtskink]

"I think the UN gets into too many things. I mean, in the old days, you could have a Napoleon or Stalin or some other crazy guy with Short Man Syndrome run wild over a continent, wipe out tons of people, and make the headlines. Now who do we have? Nobody. Pssshh. Thanks a lot, UN."

[Crispyfootcheez]

"Yes, it's true. I'm not a virgin anymore! thanks mom...

[cg124]

" and thats how i lost my second testicall"

[todd philip]

"I'm flatterd, but i'm dating my dead grandmother"

[Skinny]

Hold on... im gonna go put on some Preparation H...