The Advice Thread [Archive] - The ComingSoon.net Boards

LadyFireFly

07-30-2003, 05:45 AM

This is a thread where you can ask advice on absolutely anything and get advice from fellow CSer's. Thought it might be a good idea since there appears to be a lot of drama around these parts. Keep in mind you can ask advice on topics that aren't all that deep either (such as, what should I wear on my date tonight?, etc).

My advice-seeking for today:

I have one year left of college, plus 12 credits to make up. Do you think it's better to take overload during the fall and spring semester to compensate, or take average amount of classes and then 4 classes next summer?

JimmyDean

07-30-2003, 05:52 AM

Take your time, love.

No need to rush and get all stressed out and exhausted, not after what you just went through the past couple months. Take your normal classes, enjoy life, get good marks, concentrate on some other areas that interest you and in due time, next summer will be here and you'll be roaring to go.

Alexander JL

07-30-2003, 05:52 AM

Fedora or Baseball cap?

JimmyDean

07-30-2003, 05:55 AM

I believe the Lady was looking for some advice, Alex...

:)

Tenafly Viper

07-30-2003, 06:58 AM

Originally posted by JimmyDean
Take your time, love.

No need to rush and get all stressed out and exhausted, not after what you just went through the past couple months. Take your normal classes, enjoy life, get good marks, concentrate on some other areas that interest you and in due time, next summer will be here and you'll be roaring to go.
Great advice Jimmy D..... I agree, it's not a race don't run yourself ragged overloading..... It will be less stressful and go by even quicker if you keep things manageable.

Definitely Fedora..... :hehe:

Laterose

07-30-2003, 09:13 AM

what type of avatar should I have

Original

07-30-2003, 10:22 AM

keep yours...

here's a deep one

now that i have found someone should i stop my habits of drugs. I triedbefore, and i failed.

Echo

07-30-2003, 11:32 AM

Originally posted by Original
keep yours...

here's a deep one

now that i have found someone should i stop my habits of drugs. I triedbefore, and i failed.

That depends on if this someone is strong enough to help you stop...and on whether or not you truly want to stop.

And Lady - definitely take JimmyDean's advice. Take your time and don't burn out. You don't want to take so many classes that your grades drop. :)

jorich

07-30-2003, 11:43 AM

Originally posted by LadyFireFly
This is a thread where you can ask advice on absolutely anything and get advice from fellow CSer's. Thought it might be a good idea since there appears to be a lot of drama around these parts. Keep in mind you can ask advice on topics that aren't all that deep either (such as, what should I wear on my date tonight?, etc).

My advice-seeking for today:

I have one year left of college, plus 12 credits to make up. Do you think it's better to take overload during the fall and spring semester to compensate, or take average amount of classes and then 4 classes next summer?

If you have the luxury of time (i.e., if you're still in your twenties, you aren't in dire straits for cash flow, etc.), then spread it out. 5 years from now, you'll realize just how easy college was. Enjoy your last year as much as possible. Looking back, college prepared me for the working world, but it was also a vacation from the working world. In other words, party like a rock star and make sure you get it all out of your system. If you need more convincing, go rent Office Space.

jorich

07-30-2003, 11:50 AM

Originally posted by Original
keep yours...

here's a deep one

now that i have found someone should i stop my habits of drugs. I triedbefore, and i failed.

Without a doubt, it would be a good idea to stop. It's good that you know you have a habit, now I think you need to realistically decide whether you are strong enough to quit on your own, or if you're going to need outside assistance. Don't stop your habit because of this "someone" you've met...do it for yourself. Pairing the two together (the someone plus quitting drug use) will make you dependent upon this someone...if they were to ever leave, you'd be vulnerable to a relapse. Do it for your own sake.

Original

07-30-2003, 11:52 AM

I dont want to quit...but i dont wanna let go of her and if she finds out...

jorich

07-30-2003, 11:59 AM

Well, if she doesn't know, then she doesn't truly know who you are and your relationship has a very slim chance of long-term survival. I think it will be tough to hang onto both...you'll eventually have to decide which one is more important to you.

Echo

07-30-2003, 12:01 PM

Relationships built on lies = evil

Are we talking serious drug usage here or the occasional happy grass?

JAE

07-30-2003, 12:13 PM

yeah, theres a big difference. And if the drugs are effecting your decisions in life than its time to seek help regardless if there is a girl involved.

But yeah the question is casaul use, everyday use and what are you doing?

Tenafly Viper

07-30-2003, 01:10 PM

Wow, I'm floored by some of the great advice so far..... jorich I couldn't agree with you more. You pretty much summed it all up perfectly......

Original

07-30-2003, 06:16 PM

im talkin 10 grams a week pr so.

Original

07-30-2003, 06:32 PM

btw, thanks all of u guys for trying to help me out...the drug usage just doesn't seem to be affecting me to much.

Echo

07-30-2003, 06:52 PM

Originally posted by Original
btw, thanks all of u guys for trying to help me out...the drug usage just doesn't seem to be affecting me to much.

Yeah, I had a friend who was addicted to heroin. He was off it, but still into other stuff. He didn't seem to be affected that much either. He died at 23.

Original

07-30-2003, 06:55 PM

S***, im sorry.

Echo

07-30-2003, 07:42 PM

I'm not looking for sympathy :)
I'm just trying to tell you that someone can think they're okay, and everyone else can think they're okay...but they're really not. But everyone learns their own lessons in their own way.

jorich

07-30-2003, 11:33 PM

"The red pill or the blue pill...I leave it up to you."

PsychoMike

07-31-2003, 12:28 AM

Originally posted by LadyFireFly
I have one year left of college, plus 12 credits to make up. Do you think it's better to take overload during the fall and spring semester to compensate, or take average amount of classes and then 4 classes next summer?

Don't overload, unless all you need to take are easy classes, that are short with no homework. I trried overloading my last year, since I had taken a year and a half off, and it was really tough. Take your time you'll be thakful in the long run. Anyway the more classes you take the less time you have to spend with us. ;)

Originally posted by Original
now that i have found someone should i stop my habits of drugs. I triedbefore, and i failed.

If she won't want you if she knew you were on drugs you should atleast cut back. She is bound to find out eventually, so it is better that you are upfront with her and try to cut back or loose her eventually. However, if this is just a short-term thing and you don't expect much out of the relationship keep doing what your doing.

Kitty

07-31-2003, 12:41 AM

there's this dude that i've liked since freshmen year. i made it clear to him sophmore year that i like him. well its a bit of a long story of what happened in the month of january and in feburary he ended up getting a girlfriend. well because of wat happened in january i felt pretty hurt. so my close friends told me to get over him. well i tried (a few times) and i can't (wow i'm hopeless). i wanted to talk to him about everything june (before he took off) but i couldn't cause when he went to hang out with us, he brought his girlfriend. so i decided, well i'll talk to him after comic con which was the last recent time i saw him. fate hated me that day and he ended up leaving early. should i talk to him or what? i'm just so hopeless...meow...;_;
(sorry ceci-chan and beast-san, had to ask, sniffles)

PsychoMike

07-31-2003, 12:49 AM

Kitty,

If I knew alittle bit more about what happened in January I could be a bit more help but here goes anyway. You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel now. Once you get everything out in the open things should get better. It may take a while but you will get over him. Your not hopeless emotions have a way of screwing with the more rational part of our minds, I know this from loads of experience. It may sound cliche but things always work out for the best (again I know from experience).

LadyFireFly

07-31-2003, 08:32 AM

Thanks everyone for the great advice! I am not going to overload my credits, after all. :)

Original- You should cut back on drugs for yourself, not for the girl. Those things NEVER last long term unless you're doing something because you want to, and not for someone else. You'll just grow to resent her and end up parting ways. But the reality is, I agree with Echo. You might think you have control over the drugs but they are controlling you. My advice is to take a good look at yourself and decide if drugs are something you think will do you any good in the long haul (which I think we all know the answer to.)

Kitty- I agree with PsychoMike. Let him know how you feel, and the rest will work from there. If he's not interested, then at least you know you gave it a shot and can move on.

Laterose

07-31-2003, 08:52 AM

To Kitty, since we're going through almost the same thing:
You've got to tell him, if he's not interested, move on. If he's a jerk, I'm coming down there and kicking his @$$ for you, okay?

jorich

07-31-2003, 11:27 AM

Originally posted by Kitty
there's this dude that i've liked since freshmen year. i made it clear to him sophmore year that i like him. well its a bit of a long story of what happened in the month of january and in feburary he ended up getting a girlfriend. well because of wat happened in january i felt pretty hurt. so my close friends told me to get over him. well i tried (a few times) and i can't (wow i'm hopeless). i wanted to talk to him about everything june (before he took off) but i couldn't cause when he went to hang out with us, he brought his girlfriend. so i decided, well i'll talk to him after comic con which was the last recent time i saw him. fate hated me that day and he ended up leaving early. should i talk to him or what? i'm just so hopeless...meow...;_;
(sorry ceci-chan and beast-san, had to ask, sniffles)

If you have indeed made it very clear to him that you like him (guys can be a little clueless about things, so make sure he's absolutely aware), and he still hasn't reciprocated your feelings, then I'm sorry to say that he probably isn't interested at this time. You'll just have to be a trooper and move on. You're in college though... believe me - you will never be surrounded by so many dating options in your life again!

sonjablue

07-31-2003, 12:13 PM

Definitely let him know how you feel. That way, the ball is in his court. After that, everything is up to him.

OK, this is what I need advice on. I am going to a friend's party tomorrow night. Most of people who will be there I know. One guy in particular will be there. If you have not figured it out by now, I am quite interested in him. We have messed around before but nothing too heavy. There will be alcohol, duh, at this party and when I drink I can get rather flirty and so does he. This might be the chance that I could end my almost 9 year "drought". Question is: end the drought or keep it going? I have not been in a relationship since my divorce 9 years ago, I am 40 years old and feel like life is passing me by. Any input will help.

jorich

07-31-2003, 01:16 PM

Have fun tomorrow, but it's likely nothing serious can result (relationship-wise) if you're both intoxicated. Try hanging out with this guy one-on-one...as in a date!!! If you just wanna end THE drought, then have fun and enjoy yourself. But if you're looking to end the more serious drought, then try to see how this guy responds to you outside of drinking situations at parties.

Laterose

07-31-2003, 06:13 PM

Ask him out and see if you're still interested.

Laterose

07-31-2003, 06:35 PM

I need advice on something myself.

For a long time, at school, there was someone I could always talk to, someone I really could call a friend. We never saw each other outside of school, but we were becoming close. Then, near the end of the year, I realised how close we were. Infact, I was starting to wonder whether I was in love with him and the way we talked to each other in the last weeks, I started wondering if he felt the same. We never talked about it, though there were hundreds of times we nearly said something. But, now, spending the summer by myself, I really how much I do really care about him. I know where he lives and I've even rode my bike past a few times. I just don't know if he ever loved me, because if it was just me....I don't want him to know....

Any advice?

JimmyDean

07-31-2003, 06:48 PM

Laterose, I'd say to try and hang out with him more, become close again, outside of school, and see what happens from there. Chances are, if he's single and you guys were close and you felt a strong connection, he may have feelings for you, as well.

Most guys, myself included, are scared as **** to approach a girl, especially if it's a friend, so... try and get close with him again, hang out, talk and what not and see where it goes and make sure to keep us updated.

PsychoMike

08-01-2003, 12:25 AM

sonjablue,

Just go have fun, if something happens it happens great, if it doesn't then, oh well your no worse off then befor the party.

Laterose,

I have to agree with JimmyDean, most guys, especiallyHigh School and College aged, are scared to approach any girl who they might be interested in. Hang out with him more and see if there is be anything there. If you don't think that he would be schocked by you stopping by sometime just do it. Pay attention to the way he acts around you if he looks nevous or is doing really stupid things then he may have some stronger feelings for you.

Laterose

08-01-2003, 09:05 AM

Thanks guys.

ceci-chan

08-02-2003, 04:00 AM

Ok I know I'm done with this year. But I hated it as hell (except for the birthday part :) ) The guys in my class enjoyed teasing me. Any time any day. Even when they were sitting next to me. They would even tease me about a certain crush i had (that I do not like to mention about--I'm so ashamed of it too!). They would always tease me about me liking a guy or not. Even when I went to prom and they didn't mind teasing me about it. (mind you I was a freshmen and my date was a Senior--at that time). I try my best to be nice but every freaking time!!! I always hide my true emotions from them. I always stick with the quote "Good things happen to people who wait." And it truly does happen. But the past still haunts me and I don't want it to discourage me in relationships or anything. I need to shake it off! I don't want to go back to Marian and be teased again! *sniff!*:(

LadyFireFly

08-02-2003, 07:30 AM

Ceci-Chan,

Seriously, you deserve better than that. You don't need to be around people who put you down and make you feel consistently bad about yourself. Don't let the behavior of buffoons around you discourage you from having relationships with quality guys (very unlike the ones who bother you everyday.) My advice is to stay away from them as much as humanly possible, and if you can't, then just don't let them know that their teasing bothers you. If they get a reaction from you, they'll just continue doing it. Show them that you could care less what they say about you and that they can kindly go **** themselves.

P.S. Guys can be jerks, I'm sorry.

JimmyDean

08-02-2003, 02:05 PM

ceci-chan,

Next time one of them teases you or makes you feel bad, kick him in the balls.

PsychoMike

08-04-2003, 10:14 AM

Originally posted by ceci-chan
Ok I know I'm done with this year. But I hated it as hell (except for the birthday part :) ) The guys in my class enjoyed teasing me. Any time any day. Even when they were sitting next to me. They would even tease me about a certain crush i had (that I do not like to mention about--I'm so ashamed of it too!). They would always tease me about me liking a guy or not. Even when I went to prom and they didn't mind teasing me about it. (mind you I was a freshmen and my date was a Senior--at that time). I try my best to be nice but every freaking time!!! I always hide my true emotions from them. I always stick with the quote "Good things happen to people who wait." And it truly does happen. But the past still haunts me and I don't want it to discourage me in relationships or anything. I need to shake it off! I don't want to go back to Marian and be teased again! *sniff!*:(

ceci-chan,

Guys in High School can be real a$$hole$. Just ignore them ar atleast don't let them see you getting upset at there tourment upsets you. If all else fails kick one of them in the balls, the rest of the guys will be too busy making fun of him for getting beat-up by a girl to make fun of you. ;)

I'm not sure how to get over your past but you just need to take chances every now and then, you will get rewarded. Another quote comes to mind "we make our own destiny". Hey if it wasn't for taking a chance after a string of bad relationships (or lack there of) I wouldn't have met my present girlfriend and we wouldn't have a daughter (to see pictures of me and my daughter inFrizzo's foto album (http://www.comingsoon.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3746&perpage=25&pagenumber=287)).

Kitty

08-04-2003, 02:46 PM

Originally posted by ceci-chan
Ok I know I'm done with this year. But I hated it as hell (except for the birthday part :) ) The guys in my class enjoyed teasing me. Any time any day. Even when they were sitting next to me. They would even tease me about a certain crush i had (that I do not like to mention about--I'm so ashamed of it too!). They would always tease me about me liking a guy or not. Even when I went to prom and they didn't mind teasing me about it. (mind you I was a freshmen and my date was a Senior--at that time). I try my best to be nice but every freaking time!!! I always hide my true emotions from them. I always stick with the quote "Good things happen to people who wait." And it truly does happen. But the past still haunts me and I don't want it to discourage me in relationships or anything. I need to shake it off! I don't want to go back to Marian and be teased again! *sniff!*:(
you should've TOLD me about them ceci-chan! i would've been kindly enough to have beaten them up, you know me. *cracks knuckles* but dude, ceci chan, you should ignore them. if they keep doing the same things, tell them shut it or else you'll kick them in the balls (or i can) :D
*<-- bad advice for a strange friend :D*

minusbfold

08-04-2003, 03:08 PM

My advice I need if anyone would like to help!!

I've been a movie geek for as long as I can remember and im also a web designer I bought my own movie web site a wile ago and im just gonna be putting up soon... I have friends who are going to write columns and such, there will be movie news and ton of other stuff but my thing is I want to make it like unique from like a fans point of view and I don't want it to be like some sites that just steal news from other sites and post it but yet I want it to have news. I've been wanting to have a site like this for a long time but I don't want it to be just another site that people see and go.. hmm I would rather just go to comingsoon.net here cause comingsoon is like one of my favorite sites..

So if anyone has any thoughts on that cool if not its all good it :)

LadyFireFly

08-04-2003, 06:27 PM

My advice is to let me help do something for the site! :) I'd really love to, if you need any more writers. I'm a huge movie geek too and nothing makes a movie geek happier than being able to share their geekiness with the world.

minusbfold

08-04-2003, 08:01 PM

Hey LadyFireFly check your Private messages!!

JimmyDean

08-04-2003, 10:31 PM

Much like LadyFireFly, I'd be willing to help out with your site. I'm a bigger movie geek than she is, she aint got nothing o nme and I think I'm a pretty good writer. So if you want my help, too, just give me a PM... I'd love to be involved.

Skinny

08-05-2003, 12:24 AM

Skinny

08-05-2003, 12:32 AM

Originally posted by Kitty
there's this dude that i've liked since freshmen year. i made it clear to him sophmore year that i like him. well its a bit of a long story of what happened in the month of january and in feburary he ended up getting a girlfriend. well because of wat happened in january i felt pretty hurt. so my close friends told me to get over him. well i tried (a few times) and i can't (wow i'm hopeless). i wanted to talk to him about everything june (before he took off) but i couldn't cause when he went to hang out with us, he brought his girlfriend. so i decided, well i'll talk to him after comic con which was the last recent time i saw him. fate hated me that day and he ended up leaving early. should i talk to him or what? i'm just so hopeless...meow...;_;
(sorry ceci-chan and beast-san, had to ask, sniffles)

Well, I have to be Unanimous on this... yea... you have to make ur feelings known to him... its such a burden to carry on ur back and its critical that you get it off! Its the first step to healing in this unforgiving game of love... and when the opportunity comes, ill make you 2 meet... but remember... its up to you... nobody else can do it for you... I think its too late for me... but it aint for you...

PsychoMike

08-05-2003, 12:33 AM

minusbfold,

I agree with Lady and Jimmy. also let me do some of the design of the website.

Kitty

08-05-2003, 12:41 AM

Originally posted by Skinny
Well, I have to be Unanimous on this... yea... you have to make ur feelings known to him... its such a burden to carry on ur back and its critical that you get it off! Its the first step to healing in this unforgiving game of love... and when the opportunity comes, ill make you 2 meet... but remember... its up to you... nobody else can do it for you... I think its too late for me... but it aint for you...
we are gonna meet (this saturday *squeals*) and wat do you mean not too late for me?...more like five or so months too late...

PsychoMike

08-05-2003, 01:11 AM

5 months isn't that late now a year, or when he gets married, thats too late.

Laterose

08-05-2003, 08:39 AM

Skinny

08-05-2003, 06:44 PM

Originally posted by Kitty
we are gonna meet (this saturday *squeals*) and wat do you mean not too late for me?...more like five or so months too late...

Really... You're meetin with him this Saturday!?! I told you its not too late!! Oh man... You better do it this time... with school/ college time approaching in less than a month from now, this might as well be your last chance, at least for a long time... I will ask you about it once its all over with...

jorich

08-05-2003, 06:50 PM

So young...love interests during your high school and even college years are rarely true loves. There are always exceptions, but keep one eye on the grander scheme of life and take notice of the relatively short period of time high school and college make up your entire life.

Kitty

08-05-2003, 07:08 PM

Originally posted by Skinny
Really... You're meetin with him this Saturday!?! I told you its not too late!! Oh man... You better do it this time... with school/ college time approaching in less than a month from now, this might as well be your last chance, at least for a long time... I will ask you about it once its all over with...
i will...because if i don't...ceci-chan will take away my potc poster...and then of course there'll be you asking me why the hell i didn't do it...^_^;;

Skinny

08-06-2003, 12:31 AM

For certain reasons, I cannot post my dillema... but I leave you CSer's with this...

How do you mend a broken heart?? How do you heal from such pain??

Laterose

08-06-2003, 08:15 AM

slowly and softly. Give yourself time.

LadyFireFly

08-06-2003, 09:09 AM

Originally posted by Skinny
How do you mend a broken heart?? How do you heal from such pain??

I've been in this boat recently myself, so I know how you feel. I was in unbearable pain, to where I would burst into tears out of nowhere when I was driving, and I was having nightmares fairly often. Getting over a broken heart is one of the toughest things in the world, but you will get through this, I swear.

The main thing you need is time. It is cliche as hell but time really DOES heal all wounds. It's important to try and deal with things and not just push them down inside of you, repressing them. They will end up creeping up later so it's better to just face them now and get it overwith. I coped by writing poetry, emotional letters to him that I never sent, staying up late talking to friends and trying to get help, reading books, etc. A really good book I found is called "Making Peace With The Opposite Sex" by John Gray. I found it extremely helpful and it made the hard times a bit more tolerable.

Also make sure to go out with friends and do things you enjoy doing, reminding yourself that life goes on and you will be okay. Which you will be, take my word for it. When you are ready down the line, I also recommend trying to make peace with your ex. I am not sure what kind of note things ended on, but I do think it's easier to fully move on from things when there's not so much resentment and hatred towards this person you once loved. I personally am having an easier time now that I am on friendly terms with my ex, and got rid of the anger. But that can only come once you've dealed with things on your own for a bit.

Good luck, and hang in there.

sonjablue

08-06-2003, 12:33 PM

Originally posted by Skinny
For certain reasons, I cannot post my dillema... but I leave you CSer's with this...

How do you mend a broken heart?? How do you heal from such pain??

It just takes time, I know, I have been there. Over time, it does get better. Just hang in there.

minusbfold

08-06-2003, 01:28 PM

Lets See if I can get some advice from the ladies... My girlfriend went off her birth controll pills about 2 months ago... and she now is about 1 month late... from having her period.. im freaking out over here even though she took a few homje type tests u buy at the store and they all came up negative... She told me she is going to the doctor to have a real test next week.. She is under a ton of stress lately with work and her liviing situation... Im hopeing that.. thats why she is so late... any advice for me.. hehe i dont want to be a daddy right now :( heh

Laterose

08-06-2003, 01:36 PM

poor you. Try to be very supportive of her and if you are going to be a daddy, try to be the best one you can be. Good luck

LadyFireFly

08-06-2003, 01:37 PM

My advice is honestly, don't stress about it until there's a reason to stress. A lot of girls have irregular periods and it's totally normal to skip a month of your period after going off the pill. Her body is still adapting to the hormonal changes. You are using condoms instead I hope?

jorich

08-06-2003, 01:59 PM

Originally posted by minusbfold
Lets See if I can get some advice from the ladies... My girlfriend went off her birth controll pills about 2 months ago... and she now is about 1 month late... from having her period.. im freaking out over here even though she took a few homje type tests u buy at the store and they all came up negative... She told me she is going to the doctor to have a real test next week.. She is under a ton of stress lately with work and her liviing situation... Im hopeing that.. thats why she is so late... any advice for me.. hehe i dont want to be a daddy right now :( heh

Yes...as Ms. Fly mentioned, BCPs regulate the menstrual cycle and give it a regular pattern. It is quite natural - especially after having taken BCPs for quite a long time - for the pattern to become irregular if BCPs are discontinued. The home tests are fairly accurate nowadays. The fact that she took 2 tests and both came-up negative definitely puts the odds in favor of her not being pregnant. I've also heard that false negatives are a lot more rare than false positives.

IdahoMR2man

08-06-2003, 02:19 PM

Originally posted by minusbfold
Lets See if I can get some advice from the ladies... My girlfriend went off her birth controll pills about 2 months ago... and she now is about 1 month late... from having her period.. im freaking out over here even though she took a few homje type tests u buy at the store and they all came up negative... She told me she is going to the doctor to have a real test next week.. She is under a ton of stress lately with work and her liviing situation... Im hopeing that.. thats why she is so late... any advice for me.. hehe i dont want to be a daddy right now :( heh

Dude, from one brotha to anotha, don't freak. I hope I don't offend any ladies here, but this happens SOOOO freaking much. It seriously has happened to me so many times that I've become very caulous about it. So when a girl tells me she's late I just blow it off. I say, ok well tell me what happens. I know that's kinda dick but sometimes I think they do it for attention, depends on who you are sleeping with and how mature they are. Usually this happens to me with girls that are around 21. And sorry but I don't play games. Not saying you should be me, dude, but I wouldn't stress until you KNOW. Sorry to be an ass, girls but try being a guy that this happens to OVER and OVER again. And yes I wear armor.

jorich

08-06-2003, 02:53 PM

the life of a male prostitute...

Skinny

08-06-2003, 05:19 PM

THanx LadyFireFly and Sonjablue for ur advice... I give my upmost appreciation...

PsychoMike

08-07-2003, 01:36 AM

Skinny,

I'll take time that's all I can say.

minusbfold,

I'm not a lady but I've been in your shoes, a few times. The home tests are pretty accurate. I'd only really worry if the results were inconclusive (slight color, can't really tell the results). Since you said she took a few the it is even less likely that they are wrong. Just relax and help her to too, as you thought it is probobly just stress.

On another note, use some protection, or she should go back on birth control, Planned parenthood has stuff really inexpensively between $10 and $20 for a month.

ceci-chan

08-07-2003, 01:54 AM

Originally posted by Skinny
For certain reasons, I cannot post my dillema... but I leave you CSer's with this...

How do you mend a broken heart?? How do you heal from such pain??

Skinny,

I know you don't want to hear this from me.......but it takes time to heal a broken heart. AS PsychoMike said, there are so many dating options in college. I to have had my heart broken....countless numbers of times.....But I am fortunate to be able to walk and talk to my friends and be able to talk the ones I use to call "my crush". It is a matter of facing your fears and being able to face life everyday.

minusbfold,

Don't stress out too much. Some girls have their periods where it won't come for about two months. Also if the pregnancy test came out negative, you should not worry.

LadyFireFly

08-07-2003, 04:29 AM

Originally posted by Skinny
THanx LadyFireFly and Sonjablue for ur advice... I give my upmost appreciation...

My pleasure. If you ever feel really down and want someone to vent to, you can always send me a PM.

minusbfold

08-07-2003, 07:53 AM

Thanks people .. Im sure everything will be alright on my end I hope and if not I know what im reponsible for and know how to handle it...

Skinny

08-07-2003, 06:13 PM

Thanx Ceci-Chan, its nice to hear from you... its just that... this is the very first time i ever went through such stress and heartbreak... I really didnt know how to deal with it... of course i act happy and dandy when im around friends and family and for a time, my mind is off the situation... but when it comes time to reflecting and thinking... i took it out... on many sleepless nights, my piano playing, listening to alot of Boyz II Men (who sings alot of "loved and lost" kind of music, basically im picking myself apart... yea... Ill be in college... and ill be surrounded with dating options... i know it... but you know what... Its still not gonna stop me from ever thinking about you... because remember... you're much to precious to be forgotten... ;)

Laterose

08-07-2003, 06:20 PM

oh, how sweet :D

ceci-chan

08-07-2003, 07:22 PM

Originally posted by Skinny
Thanx Ceci-Chan, its nice to hear from you... its just that... this is the very first time i ever went through such stress and heartbreak... I really didnt know how to deal with it... of course i act happy and dandy when im around friends and family and for a time, my mind is off the situation... but when it comes time to reflecting and thinking... i took it out... on many sleepless nights, my piano playing, listening to alot of Boyz II Men (who sings alot of "loved and lost" kind of music, basically im picking myself apart... yea... Ill be in college... and ill be surrounded with dating options... i know it... but you know what... Its still not gonna stop me from ever thinking about you... because remember... you're much to precious to be forgotten... ;)

And i will never forget about you. I will always remember our prom night together. I had so much fun! Thank you! I wouldn't mind dancing again. ;) hehe. Dont' forget. Your birthday is coming up. We must party! TJ! Alcohol. Shh.....don't tell your mom. And no....I'm not an alcoholic. :p :D

jorich

08-07-2003, 11:49 PM

Kitty

08-07-2003, 11:51 PM

Originally posted by ceci-chan
And i will never forget about you. I will always remember our prom night together. I had so much fun! Thank you! I wouldn't mind dancing again. ;) hehe. Dont' forget. Your birthday is coming up. We must party! TJ! Alcohol. Shh.....don't tell your mom. And no....I'm not an alcoholic. :p :D
hah, ceci-chan, i'm sure some of the guys at school can hook us up. literally were just a mile or so away from the freakin border. it's cool. maybe we should join bluebeast and the others next time, haha :p

minusbfold

08-11-2003, 08:40 PM

I need some advice here...I dont know if anyone has gone through this or what..

I think im having like a mid 20's crisus or somthing... Im 24 years old and my last realshonship my girlfriend basiclly after 2 years of telling me she loved me and had a wanted to have a future with me.. Moved back home and went back to school and everything she was doing was more important than me and we broke up...

Now a couple years later I got over it and im dating this awesome girl been with her for almost a year... i love her she loves me... but she is decideding she wants to go back to school and she was telling me the other day she shoulda moved back home but she felt bad cause she dint think it would work out between me and her if she did and i was basiclly holding her back in a sence... Now its like its great she wants to go to school for her future and more... but im stuck at the point were im 24 and im afraid to grow up... I have a decent job and im trying to pay off as many bills as i can and move out... me and her talked about moving out next july when her lease is up but lately i just dont see it happening... she seems like she is thinking of the future and doing stuff for her regardless if it works out in the long run for us... So my advice is... I dont know what to do I want to stay with her and im sure it will work out but i just feel so afraid lately on what i should do as a person ... like for the longeest time i did not get a 2nd job cause i thought i woulnt be able to see her and so on and i dont know why im wasting my time with her and i should just be moving on myself and doing things for me and just forget about it...im just so happy with her on one hand but on the other im depressed and I cant seem to get my own life in tact at all.. I dont have a college degree.. ?I went to school for web design and computer animation got great grades but did not really get anyware with it cause im lacking the experince... So i just honestly dont know what to do... i feel like i put to much effort into our realshonship.. and im lacking on doing anyting for me cause im scared... If this makes sence to anyone or anyone has gone through anyting similar.. please write back and help a brother out or somthing b4 I end up going crazy

Thanks :)

PsychoMike

08-12-2003, 01:44 AM

minusbfold,

First of all going crazy is not the answer. I understand your troubles with finding a good job, though you have no experience I'm going through the same thing. This is the greatest catch-22 in the job market. For that I suggest that you just apply for everything you see that you want to do, something may come from it.

Now about the girl, you need to talk to her and find out what she thinks of the future of your relationship. If you have the same thoughts suggest moving in together whereever she goes to school. Since you were planning on moving in together anyway. My biggest suggestion is that you talk with her let her know how you feel and find out how she feels. If she dosen't feel the same way it's better that you know now than find out later.

I hope this helps.

Steve from Indy

08-12-2003, 02:44 AM

Take my advice brother. Run. Run as far from this female as fast as you can. There aint a woman in this world worth losing sleep over. When they start talking that kind of s*** it's time to leave. Tell her thanks for the memories, no hard feelings but you got to be leaving. Figure out your career goals or what your plans are and then work toward them. I'm not going to lie to you, It's hard man. And that bs about there being someone for everyone is a load of crap. You may never find that special someone. But if it happens, and for most it does, from my observations you'll know it the minute it happens.

That's not to say you can't stay with this girl. If you're willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the relationship then maybe it will work out to be something good. But if you ask me, it's just not worth it. Like PsychoMike said, ask her point blank what she wants to do. But whatever she says, you've got to learn to not define yourself by what people think of you or whether someone cares about you or "loves" you. Love, so called, is a luxury that I guess is a good thing. But it won't pay the bills or protect you when you trust someone completely and then they betray you. F*** what people think about you. They don't live in your skin. You've ultimately got to do what makes you happy (as long it doesn't land you in prison.)

As far as growing up. You'll discover that that's something that happens over time and not all at once. But don't ever completely grow up. Keeping your since of wonder and discovery helps keep you young. But whatever happens, I hope it makes you happy. Personally I always find that helping others is a good tonic against feeling sorry for yourself.

minusbfold

08-12-2003, 08:35 AM

Thanks people good advice... I ended up talking with her last night and its all good... I understand what she wants and its what i want to and im just gonna go with the flow and do better for myself and us..

WebMonkey

08-12-2003, 09:21 AM

Minusfold...
You seam to be going through something that I went through about a year ago. And believe me friend there is something you can do..in fact many things,
I was seeing a girl that I meet at University, she moved in next door to me in my third year and we started going out. We loved each other, and when we graduated together we moved in together. I didn't get the Photography degree I wanted or needed. I was down in the dumps for about a year afterwards (it hit me quite hard).
But she got a first (the best you can get) and wanted to go far in her chosen subject..Like to a bigger city..i but I didn't anything.. just to pay off my bank loans and such. I just didn't want anything to do with photography never mind look for a photography job.
Anyways...she started a post grad course, I just worked. She then wanted to go traveling for over a year..i simply could afford it and could be bothered to try.

It took me I long time to wake up to myself.. and realize what was happening around me..and what needed doing and planing.

My advice would be; Talk to your lady..she'll understand the rut your in with the job front, and she'll should understand why you wanna pay your dues before starting your career.
About your career....Just throw yourself head first into it if it's still what you wanna do with your life. I'm 25...i'm just starting photography again after a two year break. If it's still your passion. Then go for it.

It's never too late.

Your lady will understand.. and your love will carry on.. i'm sure of that.

WM

minusbfold

08-12-2003, 09:25 AM

Yeah im going through allot... its so up and down half the time...

Laterose

08-12-2003, 09:26 AM

you'll get through

IdahoMR2man

08-12-2003, 09:31 AM

I take it this is the same girl that said she was pregnant? My advice to you is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!! At this point in our lives who knows what is right or wrong. Us mid 20 guys don't have a clue. I know I don't. So just take care of yourself. Try working on making yourself happy before you move on to making someone else happy. Just me two bits...

Kris Hodgson

08-12-2003, 09:40 AM

Originally posted by IdahoMR2man
Dude, from one brotha to anotha, don't freak. I hope I don't offend any ladies here, but this happens SOOOO freaking much. It seriously has happened to me so many times that I've become very caulous about it. So when a girl tells me she's late I just blow it off. I say, ok well tell me what happens. I know that's kinda dick but sometimes I think they do it for attention, depends on who you are sleeping with and how mature they are. Usually this happens to me with girls that are around 21. And sorry but I don't play games. Not saying you should be me, dude, but I wouldn't stress until you KNOW. Sorry to be an ass, girls but try being a guy that this happens to OVER and OVER again. And yes I wear armor.

I know exactly what you mean. I dated this girl about 4 years ago. We were together for a month, and I broke up with her. She was just not for me. So anyway, she tells me she loves me, trying to get me back. Keep in mind I had dated her for a month and known her for maybe 2 months. When that didn't work, she told me she was pregnant. I had heard from more than a few people that she had tried this exact same thing in the past. (lying about being pregnant to stop guys from breaking up with her) So I was skeptical, but also comepletely stressed out. Finally, I had enough, so I took her to a doctor to get a test. Ofcourse, it came back negative. So about a month later, this same girl comes back and tells me she has AIDS!!!!!! I guess to try and hurt me for not staying with her. I've never been more scared in my entire life. Thankfully, it ended up being another one of her lies.

So anyway, my point is (to minusbfold) don't stress until you know for sure. If she is pregnant, you can't do anything to change it, so why stress yourself. If she isn't pregnant, you've made yourself feel like **** for no reason. And, as someone else pointed out, coming off of The Pill can really wreak havoc on your lady's cycle. Throw it all out of whack. So take it one day at a time, and just try your best to deal with what life gives you.

WebMonkey

08-12-2003, 09:44 AM

Dont strees till you...like people are saying..
I saw a girl for nearly four years..the first time we had sex (about 3 months in the relationship) the condom split !!!
And she was a virgin too.. Imagine the stress i / she was under.

It turn out cool in the end.. after about 6 weeks waiting. :)

IdahoMR2man

08-12-2003, 09:45 AM

*in best Chris Rock voice*
Now, who's da biggest liar? Men or women?

It's women!!! *sounds of boos and hisses come from audience*

Now now, men lie the most. We say "Yeah my car's got 87 thousand horse power and you shoulda seen the rack on this chick I was with last night". We lie the most.
But women tell the BIGGEST lies. When women lie they say "It's your baby."

Alright I tell that much better in person....

minusbfold

08-12-2003, 09:54 AM

Well she never said she was pregnant she was late... and i was just all scared of that and everything else that is going on... she has a ton of stress right now in her life.. she is a teacher and she is lieaving the place she teaches at and very attached to the kids there... she is running behind on bills was concerned she might be pregnant... So we bother are going through a not so great time in our lives and it clashes .

LadyFireFly

08-12-2003, 11:10 AM

Originally posted by Kris Hodgson
I know exactly what you mean. I dated this girl about 4 years ago. We were together for a month, and I broke up with her. She was just not for me. So anyway, she tells me she loves me, trying to get me back. Keep in mind I had dated her for a month and known her for maybe 2 months. When that didn't work, she told me she was pregnant. I had heard from more than a few people that she had tried this exact same thing in the past. (lying about being pregnant to stop guys from breaking up with her) So I was skeptical, but also comepletely stressed out. Finally, I had enough, so I took her to a doctor to get a test. Ofcourse, it came back negative. So about a month later, this same girl comes back and tells me she has AIDS!!!!!! I guess to try and hurt me for not staying with her. I've never been more scared in my entire life. Thankfully, it ended up being another one of her lies.

Jesus Christ, man! :eek: It's amazing if you could ever trust another girl after that lunatic.

minusbfold

08-14-2003, 07:43 AM

Hey I wana thank everyone for the advice... It turned out yesaterday my chick had a test and she was no pregnant and she got her period yesterday to so i know she aint preg now :) and we had a really long talk last night and seemed to work everything out... :) so thanks again people :)

LadyFireFly

09-01-2003, 07:55 AM

My random tidbit of advice for the day--

Do NOT try and be good friends with your ex again until you are at least 99% over them.

Fanible

09-01-2003, 08:04 AM

That is definitly sound advice. I hate trying to hang out with past girlfriends, yet im still friends with them all. But I always feel strange, even to this day, especially since im the one that usually got dumped. So while it made their life better, it just depressed me. Especially since they'd always wanto continue being friends and hanging out, but I don't have the heart to tell them that we probably shouldn't for some months. Oh well, tis life.

My current gf is insane. I wish she would dump me really. The only reason ive always been the one that gets dumped, is because I have this sad patheticness of never being the dumper, or wanting to be. So in a few relationships I've had, i've just waited it out.

Its kinda sad. The girls I can picture myself marrying tend to leave me early on. And the ones I realise I probably wouldn't want to marry stay in the relationship for a long time. Life's a *****.

Fanible

09-01-2003, 08:11 AM

Well... that's my advice for the day. Don't be like me.

And seriously, when choosing to date someone, look at them and if you can picture marrying them, then it's someone that you could date. If you start dating someone and you can't picture spending the rest of your life with them, then it's not a very good relationship.

Just my two cents.

LadyFireFly

09-01-2003, 08:28 AM

Originally posted by Fanible
And seriously, when choosing to date someone, look at them and if you can picture marrying them, then it's someone that you could date.

Very true, Fanible. People for the most part, do not change. The things that annoy you about someone early in a relationship, will grow over time to drive you out of your mind. That is the best advice someone gave me once pertaining to relationships. Assume that people WON'T change, and if you'd marry that person today as they are now, then you found yourself a keeper.

PsychoMike

09-02-2003, 01:10 AM

My advice for the day:

Don't ever change just because someone wants you too (or you think they do), no matter how hot they are. Always be yourself.

JimmyDean

09-02-2003, 02:01 AM

Nice advice, Mike!

My advice for the day:

Always tell the truth, it's the easiest thing to remember.

LadyFireFly

09-02-2003, 08:58 AM

Originally posted by PsychoMike
My advice for the day:

Don't ever change just because someone wants you too (or you think they do), no matter how hot they are. Always be yourself.

What if you are a mess and unhappy in your life and someone wants to help you get it together?

:alien:

PsychoMike

09-02-2003, 12:05 PM

Originally posted by LadyFireFly
What if you are a mess and unhappy in your life and someone wants to help you get it together?

:alien:

I said JUST because someone wants you to change if you want to change then it is OK.

Skinny

09-02-2003, 10:46 PM

good advice... that's the exact thing i stress to all my friends whenever i have the chance to talk to them about it... be yourself...

JimmyDean

09-03-2003, 02:33 AM

My advice for the day:

Stand by the ones you love, through pain, happiness, sadness and depression, do whatever you can for them and don't ever forget love, friendship, family, etc... is worth that extra push.

LadyFireFly

09-03-2003, 02:44 AM

My advice for the day:

Never settle for the path of least resistance

PsychoMike

09-03-2003, 11:52 AM

Always take the road less travled, you may get lost but it will be a more interesting journey.

Skinny

09-03-2003, 01:40 PM

in any situation you are in... always try your best... it wouldn't hurt to give it your all...

IdahoMR2man

09-08-2003, 12:39 PM

So...I am in need of some advice.

About a year ago I had an affair with a woman I work with. It lasted about 8 months. No one knew at our jobs.
So now a heard from a friend that she heard about it from someone. I traced it back to this one person who has a huge mouth. I don't know how she could've found out but I don't think she actually knew and is just "making up" stuff about me because she hates me. So I know of at least 3 people who have heard this "rumor". I can't have this thing get around. It would ruin the girl I had an affair with's life and probably screw mine up too. So what would you guys do?

Skinny

09-08-2003, 01:25 PM

Well, im only a teenager jus shy of 18 and im not the best person to ask what to do in this situation... the advice i would give is to try and find out exactly who knows about it (IF POSSIBLE) and speak to them about it... but do keep in mind that rumors and gossip are really hard to stop... its like having to tear up a piece of paper in a hundred pieces... throw it into the wind... and try to retrieve all of them... and another thing... were you aware of such a possible consequence while you had the affair? I really hope everything works out in your favor Idahoman...

IdahoMR2man

09-08-2003, 02:43 PM

Thanks Jigga. And about the consequences I wasn't exactly thinking with the correct head.....

JAE

09-08-2003, 02:49 PM

I don't think there's much you can do other than just play it off as some crazy rumor. If thats what you want. If its eating away at you too much, come clean.

It sucks when you trust someone with sensative info and they blab about it.

IdahoMR2man

09-08-2003, 02:51 PM

Indeed it is. I honestly don't give a crap what anyone thinks about me, but I do care about what kinda damage that it will cause this person. And please no lectures about "Well you shoulda thought about that before." She's trying to patch up her marriage and whether or not anyone knows about us isn't up to anyone but her and me.

JAE

09-08-2003, 02:57 PM

True...are you married as well or its just her relationship you're concerned about damaging.

One stance is that its her marriage thats on the rocks and there isn't much you can do.

Or you deny, deny, deny those rumors to save her publically. You don't strike me as the type of person to want to brag about the affair while not keeping her feelings in mind.

Pretend that it never happened. If someone says, "Well dude you told me that you, bla, bla, bla.", say you made it up. You're friends may think a bit less of you, but it might save this lady.

IdahoMR2man

09-08-2003, 03:02 PM

I'm not married.

I'm not really concerned about how I'll react if someone confronts me about it. But no one will. Everyone is scared of me. I'm more concerned how she will react if someone confronts her. I know she'll freak and that will hang her. She needs to laugh it off and think that it's ridiculous but I know she'll freak out and deny it blatantly and we all know how well THAT works...

JAE

09-08-2003, 03:22 PM

Originally posted by IdahoMR2man

She needs to laugh it off and think that it's ridiculous [/B]

I think thats your best option...

Skinny

09-08-2003, 04:20 PM

Originally posted by IdahoMR2man
Thanks Jigga. And about the consequences I wasn't exactly thinking with the correct head.....

No problem Idahoman... its all good... not thinking to with the correct head happens to even the best of us... especially to me... heh heh...

JimmyDean

09-13-2003, 02:22 AM

My advice of the day:

Don't hold feelings inside.

LadyFireFly

09-14-2003, 11:15 PM

I need some advice---

When my ex boyfriend and I were friends recently, I started talking to one of his best girl friends. We had a few really great conversations. Since my ex and I don't speak anymore due to a nasty falling out, I was wondering what I should do regarding speaking to his friend? He sent me an email today saying that she wants to keep talking with me, and to let her know if I don't think that's the right thing to do at this point.

He doesn't object to it, and she wants to keep talking to me, so should I keep talking with her? Or is that too weird and awkward and most likely going to lead to more trouble?

Skinny

09-14-2003, 11:37 PM

hmm... if your boyfriend doesnt object to it in anyway... sure go for it... why give up on a good friendly thing? just make sure you stay away from anything that is potential to troublemaking... But again, it all goes back to what you think is right or wrong... i may not be the best advice giver for this situation, but thats what i think...

LadyFireFly

09-14-2003, 11:44 PM

Yea that makes sense. Ok I emailed her and told her that I will leave the decision in her and his hands. That if they discuss it and think it's okay, that it's fine by me. What I am worried about is Brendan wanting us to talk so he can grill her for information about me, which I don't want him to have. So my solution to that will be having very blah conversations with her if we do keep talking.

Skinny

09-14-2003, 11:48 PM

yes, yes... i agree about your worry... you barley met the girl, so i dont think trust is a feasible thing to rely on... yea... just have blah conversations, nothing disclosing about yourself...

LadyFireFly

09-14-2003, 11:50 PM

Thanks Skinny :)

Skinny

09-14-2003, 11:52 PM

your welcome m'Lady

LadyFireFly

09-15-2003, 06:20 PM

Update- She said she spoke to him and he was fine with us talking. He emailed me and I didn't respond. I have nothing to say to him. I did write her back about a movie. I really hope this whole thing going smoothly and doesn't erupt into some ugly mess.

Skinny

09-15-2003, 06:23 PM

That's good to hear Lady... remember... blah conversations only! heh heh...

LadyFireFly

09-15-2003, 07:02 PM

:hehe: Yes definitely. Nothing whatsoever of importance.

JBond

09-15-2003, 09:14 PM

I need some advice, what should I eat?

Skinny

09-15-2003, 09:17 PM

hmm... anything your mind desires Jbond... heh heh

LadyFireFly

09-15-2003, 09:17 PM

Can't go wrong with pizza

Skinny

09-15-2003, 09:20 PM

hmmm.... pizza... eh... too bad i jus ate dinner... oh well... next time again...

pixiness

09-16-2003, 10:00 AM

Should I hang out with friends this weekend, or finally go out with a guy that's been asking me for a date for about 3 months?

IdahoMR2man

09-16-2003, 10:09 AM

Go out with your friends.

Translation: Live your life!!!!

pixiness

09-16-2003, 10:10 AM

yes - I'm well aware of your opinion on the subject! :p

Any other voters?

IdahoMR2man

09-16-2003, 10:13 AM

I just asked everyone else. They all said the same thing I did.

JAE

09-16-2003, 10:35 AM

I say give the guy a shot. Hey, you never know. But leave yourself an out if the date sucks.....

Skinny

09-16-2003, 11:59 AM

i agree with TPAM... do give the guy a shot... let him prove his worth... if it doesn't go well... jus make sure you have a trapdoor to get out of the date...

JimmyDean

09-16-2003, 02:17 PM

Hmmm, yeah, I'd give the guy a shot. He must be pretty interested if he keeps asking, so you might as well stop that and just go out with him. See what happens, you just may fall in love with the guy! Or not... either way, you gave it a shot.

Iben

09-16-2003, 04:08 PM

I wouldn't go on that date yet. But definately go out and have fun with your friends. Nothing helps like having good friends around you.

Knerys

09-16-2003, 04:10 PM

Wellif you want to go on a date with him go for it. If not go with friends heh. It's up to you really.

PsychoMike

09-16-2003, 11:59 PM

Pixi, go out with the guy 1 night and hang out with your friends the rest of the weekend.

LadyFireFly

10-07-2003, 12:51 AM

Ok I need some advice--

Before my ex and I stopped talking, me and a friend of his, Stephanie, became friends. We talked on IM often and have a lot in common. Since him and I stopped contact, me and her continue to talk. A lot of times, his name comes up in passing and it ends up making me think about him and confusing me about things. Tonight she told me that they might be getting a place together as friends. It's like, I want to know how he's doing, but I also don't want to know what he's doing. Whenever I talk to her, although we get along really well, it puts him on my mind when I am trying to get him off my mind.

My question is, is there any possibly way her and I can stay friends without it stunting me? Or is it seriously a lost cause? It didn't help when we agreed not to mention him because we did anyway.