1. The CS! "Who Wants to be a Millionaire!"

[JBond]

A few members of CS have been invited to Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Luckily, my sources have been able to get a tape of this happening. (God help us all!) Please give me your opinions of this story!

(I had people whose turns were done still return to the dialogue because after a while there would be too few of people to talk)

(Because of the length, I will release my story in parts, one a day or so. Please do not add on to it)

Regis: We’re here at a Special Edition of Who Wants to be a Millionaire! With us today are some real celebrities! We have Superbman-
Superman: Hey that’s Superman!
Regis: Be quiet, Superbman! This is MY show! MINE! ...anyway, we also have James Bond from…England!? This is an AMERICAN show! You can’t be here!
JBond: But Regis…don’t you remember our little arrangement before the show…Denise Richards!?
Regis: Oh RIGHT! James Bond here is from…Fargo, North Dakota!
Olorin: Hey Bond! How did you manage that!
JBond: I guess Regis is a lonely guy!
Olorin: No no, I mean how did you get Denise Richards to accept!?
JBond: Oh! Lots and lots of money!
Regis: Hey no talking! Next we have Olorin Istari…what the hell kind of name is THAT?!
Olorin: Hey what kind of name is Regis?!
Regis: …next we have…ah crap, it’s my old arch-nemesis Jedi Knight! Ha ha! It’s been a long time! I’ll make sure to have this be a LIVING HELL for you!
Jedi Knight: Oh I thought this was Who Wants to be a Millionaire, not Live with Regis and Kelly!
Olorin: Looha!©
Regis: QUIET! …And last we have…dubloth?? Isn’t that a city in Wisconsin?
dubloth: No, I believe you are thinking of Duluth! And it’s in Minnesota!
Regis: How dare you correct me on my show, Duluth!
dubloth: dubloth!!
Regis: Stop it!! Next we have Adam Sandler, the Hollywood actor!
Adam Sandler: Yeah! I’M THE BEST!
Jedi Knight: Ugh! What’s he doing here?!
Superman: I don’t know! He just started following me home one day from work! The kids begged if we could keep him, so we did!
JBond: You adopted Adam Sandler!? You are a saint!
Superman: Well he seemed so lost and helpless! I had to take him in!
Regis: Anyways Adam, I love your acting!
Jedi Knight: You would!
Regis: Get Bent!! And next we have the talented Kathie Lee Gifford!
Kathy Lee Gifford: Present!
Regis: Ha ha! Isn’t Kathie Lee Gifford cute, she pretending she’s at school!
Kathie Lee Gifford: PRESENT!!
Regis: Ha ha! …hmmm
Olorin: This should be a CINCH!
Regis: And last, we have Albert Einstein! Famous for his role in the movie I.Q!
Albert Einstein: I vas a scientist you idiot! I came ‘ere in a time machine dat I invented from 1955! It tis very interesting ‘ere in da 21st century! I just can’t figure out why an idiot was elected as ruler of da country!
Superman: We’re still trying to figure that out ourselves!
Regis: Are we ready to start?
Jedi Knight: Some wires in my board have been cut!
Regis: Alright! Let’s Play!

<Lights go low>

Regis: Put these sub-atomic particles arranged in order of mass starting from the smallest!
A. Meson
B. Electron
C. Gluon
D. Quark

Albert Einstein: BOO-ya!
Kathy Lee Gifford: Sub what?!

Regis: Well! Times up! Let’s see the results….the best time is the only time! 3 seconds, Albert Einstein!
Kathy Lee Gifford: Did I win!?
dubloth: Is your name Albert Einstein!?!
Kathy Lee Gifford: …….
dubloth: Unbelievable!

*Einstein walks up to the hot seat*

Regis: And now, for $100, here is your first question! How many U.S. states are there?
A. 48
B. 49
C. 50
D. 51

Albert Einstein: Ha ha! You don’t have to be me to know dat one! It’s A! 48!
Regis: Oh I’m sorry, it’s C. 50, you see, there have been more states since you time traveled here!
Albert Einstein: That’s not fair, you bastard!! I want my money!
Regis: Um….NO!
Albert Einstein: Give me my money you horrible, horrible man!!
Regis: Security!! Take him away!!

*Security drags Einstein kicking and screaming claiming he invented disco*

JBond: Dang it! I liked that guy!
Adam Sandler: Dat guy was a LOSER!
Superman: Hey Adam! Look over there! A fan without a bat!!
Adam Sandler: WHAT?!?
Regis: Anyway, it’s time for another round of fastest finger, let’s play!

*Lights go low*

[Superman]

Haha, I can't wait to see where this goes! The Sandler part was funny and so were the intros.

[Doomsday]

A quark is any of three hypothetical subatomic particles having electric charges of magnitude one-third or two-thirds that of the electron, proposed as the fundemental units of matter.

[JBond]

Yes, I know, thank you!

[Solidus]

Originally posted by JBond:
Adam Sandler: Dat guy was a LOSER!

Hahaha, I can hear him saying that in my mind.

[Olorin]

Originally posted by JBond:

Albert Einstein: Ha ha! You don’t have to be me to know dat one! It’s A! 48!
Regis: Oh I’m sorry, it’s C. 50, you see, there have been more states since you time traveled here!
Albert Einstein: That’s not fair, you bastard!! I want my money!
Regis: Um....NO!
Albert Einstein: Give me my money you horrible, horrible man!!

Teehee! Albert Einstein is going to go back in time and abort Regis Philbin's birth!

[Doomsday]

Abortion is bad and twisted and evil.

[dubloth]

very awesome jbond! hahaha.. also dubloth means outcast.. hehe.

[Olorin]

Originally posted by Doomsday:
Abortion is bad and twisted and evil.

EXACTLY! Which is why it was imperitive that Albert not win 1 million! He was evil!

[JBond]

Originally posted by dubloth:
very awesome jbond! hahaha.. also dubloth means outcast.. hehe.

Thanks!

I should post part 2 today at about 2:00

[JBond]

Regis: Put these actors in order that their career ended, starting with the earliest!
A. Steven Segal
B. Sylvester Stalone
C. Arnold Swartzenegger
D. Pauly Shore

Jedi Knight: Odd…all those last names start with "S"!
Olorin: Ha ha! Doesn’t look good for Adam!
Adam Sandler: My bologna has a first name, it’s O...uh...
JBond: It never did look good for Adam!
Adam Sandler: Ha! That’s what you think! I’ll just have my last name changed to Smith!
Kathy Lee Gifford: That’s a great idea!
Superman: I want to go home
Regis: Uh guys, the question!!.......Alright, times up! And the winner is...that can’t be right, it’s Jedi!
Jedi Knight: Alright!
Regis: But how can that be, I sabotaged your...uh...I mean you couldn’t have known that question!
JBond: Hey Jedi! How did you pull that off!?
Jedi Knight: They don’t call me a Jedi for nothing!

<Jedi walks up to the hot seat>

Regis: I never expected for you to get this far!
Jedi Knight: Well there’s nothing you can do about that now!
Regis: That’s what you think! Ha ha ha!

<Regis gives a bunch of signals with colored flags>
<A ton of bricks land on Adam Sandler while he’s making shadow puppets>

Regis: What the hell?! You ask your producers one favor and they screw it up! What the hell do I pay you people for?!? Alright you little bastard, let’s play!

<5 minutes later>

Regis: Damn it!! Correct again for $500,000!! How are you doing this, you haven’t used any of your lifelines!
Jedi Knight: Let’s just say I’m using a mind trick! He he! ...oh no, wait! That’s not what I meant to say!
JBond: You’ve been cheating! Now that’s low!
Olorin: You shouldn’t be talking Bond! You cheat on your women all the time!

<Superman gives Olorin a high five>

JBond: Hey! It’s not called cheating when you don’t commit!
dubloth: Yeah! It’s called being a pimp!
Kathy Lee Gifford: What’s a pimp?

<Kathy looks confused for a couple minutes then goes back to twirling her hair and staring at the lights aimlessly>

Regis: ANYWAY! Back to the game! I don’t believe any of that "mind trick" mumbo-jumbo! If you can read my mind, what am I thinking of right now!
Jedi Knight: You’re thinking of how good Adam Sandler looked before he died.
Regis: What?!? I...you....back to the game! So you don’t cheat on the last one, I will not look at the answer so you can’t read my mind!

<Jedi tries to read Regis’ mind, and sure enough, nothing’s there!>

Kathy Lee Gifford: Why don’t you just wear a lead helmet on your head, Regis!? Then he can’t see through!
dubloth: I believe you’re thinking of Superman!
Regis: I know I am!! ....Did I just say that out loud?

<Superman gets an uncomfortable look on his face>

Regis: Well, for $1,000,000: What color is Jedi Knight’s lightsaber? Who the hell writes these things?!?!
A. Green
B. Red
C. Blue
D. Fuchsia

Jedi Knight: Oh damn! I forgot! You never think about these things when you’re killing people! Hmmmm.....
JBond: *sniff* It’s so TRUE!!
Jedi Knight: Oh yeah! I remember now! IT’S A!!!
Regis: ...........Is that your absolute reply?!
Jedi Knight: Yes! That’s my final answer!!
Regis: Final answer?! Don’t you mean absolute reply? That sounds so much better!
Jedi Knight: Whatever! It’s my absolute reply!!!
Regis: Now you’re sure?!

<Jedi pulls out his green lightsaber>

Jedi Knight: Pretty sure!
Regis: OK! He’s going with D........Hold on, whoever’s car with license plate number LNG-596, your lights are on!
Jedi Knight: JUST SAY IT’S RIGHT!!
Regis:..........YOU’RE RIGHT!!! He got it for $1,000,000!!
Superman: Alright Jedi!!
Olorin: Where’s the bathroom?!
dubloth: Can we go now?
JBond: Damnit! I always forget to turn off my lights!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: What’s a pimp? Is that like a small pimple or something?
Adam Sandler: ...........
Albert Einstein: I meant E = mc^3!!
Security: Be quiet you!!

Regis: Congratulations! Here is your money!
Jedi Knight: Alright! Thanks I-- Hey wait a minute!! THIS IS PLAY MONEY!!!
Regis: Play money! Ha ha! Of course it’s not!
Jedi Knight: Then how come the bills have Pee Wee Herman’s picture on the front?!? I’m staying here until I get my money!
Regis: Ha ha, sure! Next contestant! Get ready for our next smartest finger question!
dubloth: I thought it was fastest finger!
Regis: HEY! I thought I told you never to correct me!! It’s my show and I’ll say what I want!!
Superman: Olorin is asleep on his monitor
Regis: Let’s begin! Put these Barbie dolls in order of their release, starting with the earliest!
A. Knocked up Barbie
B. Greek Philosopher Barbie
C. Ho Barbie
D. Dominatrix Barbie
............................
Regis: Times up! And the fastest time is 1 second?!? By OLORIN?!?
JBond: But he’s asleep!?
Jedi Knight: He must have leaned on the correct answers in his sleep!
Superman: Hey OLORIN!!
Olorin: Mmmm, pie....Huh, WHAT?!
Superman: You won!! Get on up there!
Olorin: I what?!?...um.....ok!

<Olorin, half awake, sways back and forth while approaching the hot seat>

Regis: Alright! For $100. What do you usually use to hammer a nail?
A. an otter
B. Chevy Chase
C. a hammer
D. a pillow

Olorin: Ahhhh! Pillllloooow!
Regis: Pillow?
Olorin: Huh? NO! I mean hammer!
Regis: That’s correct!
Olorin: Booya!

<10 minutes later>

Regis: That’s correct!! It IS The Manhattan Project! You got it for $125,000!
Olorin: Booya!!
Regis: Alright!! That’s the 12th time you’ve said "Booya!" Give it a rest or I’ll feed you to the dogs!!...Alright, next question! For $500,000!! Who was the 11th president? Was it:
A. John Tyler
B. Zachary Talyor
C. James Polk
D. Kathy Lee Gifford

Kathy Lee Gifford: Here!
dubloth: Wow! You are dumb!
Olorin: Hmmm...
Regis: You still have your Ask a Monkey lifeline!
Olorin: I think I’ll use that!
Regis: AT&T, please get the monkey on the line!

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

Olorin: Monkey! Who was the 11th president?
Monkey: Oo oo oo oo! AAAA! AAAA!! AAAA!!
*click*

Olorin: Hmmmm.....IT’S C!!!
Regis: Concluding retort?!
Olorin: YES!!
Regis: .....The monkey was right!! ...I assume...and now...for the $1,000,000 question!! What number am I thinking of?
A. 10
B. 69
C. 747
D. 3.1415926535

Olorin: ....what number are you think of?!?
Regis: Yes! Now hurry up before I forget it!
Olorin: .......10?
Regis: No I’m sorry, I was thinking of 10 originally but switched to 747!
Olorin: Hey you can’t--
Regis: Yes I’m sorry, you don’t win the $1,000,000, and you will go back to $32,000!
Olorin: Well, at least I will be able to pay off most of my credit card bill now!
JBond: Most?
Regis: And now, we are ready to play our next fastest finger question!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-16-2001).]

[dubloth]

i miss my pimp thread, its gone http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/frown.gif supes help me... haha.

[thebtskink]

Good stuff. Especially the "play money part"---ROFL!!!


We always knew Olorin was like the absent-minded professor---we just needed proof!

[Olorin]

*sniff* My 15 minutes of fame... over, done, and gone...

[JBond]

Don't worry, everyone talks throughout the story a little bit.

(Except for Adam Sandler!)

[JBond]

Regis: Put these values in order from smallest to greatest!
A. 3
B. pi
C. sqrt(10)
D. 16/5

dubloth: Regis...I hate you!
Superman: I knew I shouldn’t have told my math teacher she looked like a troll with acne!
Olorin: Mmmm, pi!
Regis: Times up! The correct answer was A, B, C, D. Let’s see who got it in the fastest time....my God...Kathy Lee Gifford!?
Kathy Lee Gifford: Yay!! I knew one of these times I was going to put the letters of the alphabet in order the fastest!
JBond: Dumb luck!
Jedi Knight: Emphasis on "dumb!"
Regis: Well come on up to the hot seat!

<Kathy Lee Gifford skips up to the hot seat>

Regis: So. Are you glad to be here?
Kathy Lee Gifford: ...Glad to be where?
Regis: Here at Who Wants to be a Millionaire!
Kathy Lee Gifford: ...Oh right! Yeah it’s great to be here, but I really don’t need another million dollars!
Regis: Another?
Kathy Lee Gifford: Yeah, I recently got a million dollars in the mail! From some place called Publisher’s Clearing House!
Superman: Where’s a tranquilizer when you need one?!
JBond: Here you go, but you need to be up close to give it to her!
Superman: It’s not for her! <Superman injects himself> ....Mmmmmm, tangerine trees and marmalade skyyyyyyyy! <Superman falls into a state of half awake and half stoned>
JBond: Poor guy!
Regis: And now, for the $100 question! How many sides does a square have?
A. Four
B. Two
C. Three
D. Six

Kathy Lee Gifford: Hmmm, a square you say! This could help a little if I could see a square for a minute!
Olorin: Hey I’m sitting next to a square!
Jedi Knight: Don’t make me open a can of dark side on your ass!!
JBond: Hey, at least you don’t have to sit next to a vegetable!
Superman: Mmmmmm....just put some sprinkles on top of it. Would you!?
Kathy Lee Gifford: Ok, I’ve decided!
dubloth: It’s about time!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: I’m going to walk away with what I have!
Regis: You don’t have anything!! Why don’t you ask the audience!
Kathy Lee Gifford: .....I can do that?!? Is that legal!?!
Regis: Yes...
Kathie Lee Gifford: Ok. HEY AUDIENCE. HOW MANY SIDES DOES A SQUARE HAVE?!
Regis: We use the computer to ask the audience!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: oh...alright!
<audience votes in>
A. 99%
B. 0%
C. 0%
D. 1%
Kathy Lee Gifford: Hmmm, so it’s between A and D.
JBond: OH FOR GOD SAKE, IT’S A!!
Regis HEY! No talking from the contestants!! <Regis pushes a button>
<JBond is hit my a tranquilizer dart and falls asleep instantly>
Olorin: I’ve always wondered what happens if someone blurts out an answer! Thanks Bond!
JBond: ........
Kathy Lee Gifford: I think I’m going to phone a friend
Regis: *sigh* Fine! Who would you like to call?
Kathy Lee Gifford: I would like to call Bob, my brother...how do you suppose people phoned a friend before phones were invented?
Regis: Um...let’s get Bob on the line!
*beep* *beep* *beep*
Jedi Knight: Shouldn’t there have been more beeps than that?
Operator: 9-1-1 Emergency! What seems to be the problem?
Regis: Oh CRAP! HANG UP!!
*click*
Regis: Uh…he he! Let’s try that again!
*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*
Bob: Bob here!
Kathy Lee Gifford: Hi Bob. How many sides does a square have?
Bob: .....Are you serious?! How could NOT know how many sides a square has?! You must be some sort of IDIOT not to know that!! I mean geez! They teach you that in Kindergarten!! I can’t believe you!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: You don’t know, do you?
Bob: ...no
*click*
Regis: Oy!...I’ll give you a hint! What number comes after 3?
<Kathy counts her fingers>
Kathy Lee Gifford: Four?
dubloth: Halleluiah!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: I don’t see how that helps me here!
Olorin: You spoke too soon, dubloth! Hey! Superman is waking up!
Superman: Ouch! What a headache! Hey! Kathy’s still up there! I guess she’s smarter than I thought!
Jedi Knight: Do you want to tell him, or should I?
Regis: *cough* The-answer-is-four!
Kathy Lee Gifford: Excuse you
Regis: The answer is B you moron!!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: A square has B sides???
Regis: What’s that I hear!? I think they’re giving out brains in the STREET!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: Really! <Kathy runs out of the studio> WEEEEEEeeeeee.....
Regis: I never did like her. Anyway, let’s get going for our next contestant! And may whoever that is be smarter than a piece of wood!!

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-17-2001).]

[thebtskink]

http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif ROFLMAO!!!!

[Superman]

That was friggin' hilarious!! Olorin's part was funny as hell, me putting myself out was great and Gifford was hilarious. Had me laughing hard man!

[JBond]

Thanks! I'll post the next part tomorrow I guess.

[JBond]

Regis: Get ready for our next fastest finger question! Put these make-up products in order they were invented starting with the earliest.
A. Lipstick
B. Mascara
C. Eye Liner
D. Blush

dubloth: Oh come on! How are we suppose to get that!
...............
Regis: Alright! Times up! And the winner is...Superman! With 3 seconds!
Olorin: Good job Supes!
JBond: How do you know so much about make-up products?!
Superman: Uh…I don’t want to talk about it

<Superman walks up to the hot seat and trips and knocks over a camera which shatters into the ground. Meanwhile while everyone is picking up the mess Superman runs to the money and starts to leave>

Regis: HEY! Just what do you think you’re doing!?!
Superman: Uh, walking away with the money. That’s a choice I thought!
Regis: I’m sorry! That’s NOT how it works! Put it back!

<Superman throws a whole bunch of money down back into the storage>

Regis: You thieving rat!
Superman: Bite me!
Regis: What was that?!?
Superman: Uh, I said “Fine by me!”
Regis: Oh...good. And now for the $10 dollar question.
Superman: I thought it was the $100 question!
Regis: What? You think we are going to pay for that camera by ourselves!?!
Superman: Fair enough
Regis: The question is: Which one of these presidents are not on a dollar bill??
A. Andrew Jackson
B. Alexander Hamilton
C. Abraham Lincoln
D. Charlton Heston

Superman: Easy! It’s D, Charlton Heston.
Regis: That is correct!
Superman: Ha! Easiest 10 bucks I’ve ever made!
Jedi Knight: That’s not what I heard!!
Superman: You. Me. After the show!
Jedi Knight: Yeah, with you up there it shouldn’t be long before I kick your butt, like I always do!
Superman: That last time was a fluke! Someone accidentally gave me a quarter in change made out of kryptonite!
Jedi Knight: The last 8 times?!
Superman: And I’m sure there are good explanations for all the other 7 times too!
Regis: Could we get back to the game please?! I’m playing tennis with George Harrison in a couple of hours!
Superman: Fine

<10 minutes later>

Regis: And now for $16,000! What was the 47th state to enter the United States?
A. Arizona
B. Oklahoma
C. New Mexico
D. Germany

Superman: Hmmm. That’s a tough one, I think I’ll ask the audience.
Regis: Ok, but keep in mind, they were all passed shots of whisky so they are most likely drunk and confused!
Superman: ........great

A. 6%
B. 1%
C. 3%
D. 47%

Superman: What a minute! That can’t be right! Germany! Not even everybody voted in! Why is that?!
Theta (Audience Member): Uh...*hic*...I’ve seemed to have swallowed my voting machine...I thought it *hic* was a club sandwich! Mmmmm, club sandwich! <Theta passes out>
dubloth: Does that answer your question?!
Olorin: Damn stoned audience!
Superman: Just my luck!!
Jedi Knight: ...says the person who survives every danger!
JBond: (waking up in an instant) Hey! I believe that position belongs to me!!
Superman: I guess I will phone a friend.
Regis: Who would you like to call?
Superman: I would like to call…Jimmy
Regis: Ok, let’s get Jimmy on the phone!
*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*
<JBond’s cell phone begins to ring>
JBond: ‘ello!
Regis: *sigh*
Superman: Hey Bond, What was the 47th state to enter the United States?
JBond: Hmmmm, hold on. <Gets off phone> Hey Supes! What was the 47th state to enter the United States?
Superman: Hmmm, I believe it was New Mexico.
JBond: Ok thanks! <back on phone> Hey, it was New Mexico!
Superman: Alright thanks! I say C, New Mexico.
Regis: ....And you’re RIGHT!
Superman: I couldn’t have done it without Superman!
Regis: Now for $32,000!. What is the most liked color in the audience.
A. Red
B. Blue
C. Purple
D. Olive Green

Superman: You know, this would have been a great question for the audience!
Regis: Well DUH! Maybe you shouldn’t have wasted your lifeline!
<Superman uses his X-Ray vision to see that everyone who is wearing underwear, is wearing olive green underwear>
Superman: Hmmm.....I will say D!
Regis: Damn it!! You’re right! OK, now the $64,000 question! Which one of these is not a real country?

A. Uganda
B. Taiwan
C. Senegal
D. Agrata

Superman: I’m going to have to use my 50-50 lifeline.
Regis: Sure. Computer, take away two of the answers!

B. Taiwan
C. Senegal

Superman: Ah HA! It must be C!
Regis: Is that your....last response?
Superman: Yes!
Regis: Oh I’m sorry, it was D, how about that.
Superman: HEY! The computer isn’t suppose to take away the right answer!
Regis: Yeah, sorry about that, it’s a new model.
Superman: I demand the next question!
Regis: Hey look at it this way, there was a 50-50 chance that the right answer wasn’t going to be taken away! Now go away, we need to get to the next contestant.
Superman: Give me my money!
Regis: Hey! Get out of that chair before I have security take you in the back where they have Einstein! They do terrible and cruel things to people back there that you couldn’t even possibly begin to imagine in an entire lifetime!!
Albert Einstein: Oh please, NO!!!!
Regis: See what I mean!?
Albert Einstein: They canceled Leave it to Beaver!!!
Regis: You didn’t hear that
Superman: I’ll leave this seat, but I will get my revenge!
Regis: Fine, whatever! There’s only dubloth and JBond left, get ready for our next fastest finger question!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-19-2001).]

[Olorin]

Haha, Superman calls JBond, who asks Superman! Great stuff JB!

[thebtskink]

Yes. Thumbs up to you.

[Superman]

Originally posted by Olorin:
Haha, Superman calls JBond, who asks Superman! Great stuff JB!

That was the funniest ***** I've read in a while! My finest hour...

[dubloth]

they get better and better jbond.

[JBond]

Thanks guys, I will now post the last part!

[JBond]

Regis: Put these movies in order of their release, starting with the earliest!
A. Godzilla (1985)
B. Godzilla (1956)
C. Godzilla (1998)
D. Godzilla (1954)
...................
Regis: Times up! Let’s see who got it in the fastest time...it was dubloth!
JBond: Damn it! I’m just not getting lucky today!
Jedi Knight: Cheer up. You get lucky every other day!
<dubloth walks up to the hot seat>
Regis: Alright, let’s get right to it! For $100, what is the 3rd letter of the alphabet?

A. D
B. C
C. B
D. A

dubloth: That’s easy! That would be B!
Regis: You think the third letter of the alphabet is B?
dubloth: Yeah!...well, no Choice B!
Regis: So you think it’s C?
dubloth: Um...yeah, uh choice B, letter C!
Regis: So you’re going with C, is that your finishing retort?
dubloth Uh...you mean letter C, right?
Regis: Um....actually, I don’t know!
dubloth: Who the hell arranges these things!?!
Regis: You want to go with C or B?
dubloth: I got it, let’s ask the audience!
Regis: Alright, audience, here you go!

A. 0%
B. 53%
C. 47%
D. 0%

Olorin: ......BWHAhahahaha!
dubloth: It’s not funny, Olorin!! Regis, I’ll go with the audience.
Regis: B?
dubloth: Go with the same row as the audience picked!!
Regis: Ok...It’s right! B is the third letter of the alphabet...uh, you know what I mean!
Olorin: You know, I still have to go to the bathroom!
Superman: You should have gone before we left!
Regis: Ladies! Can we get on with the show?! For $200, If something is papilionaceous, what does it resemble?
A. a fish
B. a fruit
C. a butterfly
D. a tree

dubloth: I’m sorry, this is the $200 question?!
Regis: Yes...what’s the matter with it!?
dubloth: It’s...kind of difficult for the $200 question!
Regis: Yeah it is...how about that. Would you like to use a lifeline?
dubloth: I guess I’ll have to! I’ll ask the audience!
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%

Olorin: Can I laugh?
dubloth: NO!! I’m going to phone a friend!
Regis: Fine fine...if you want to waste all of your lifelines!
dubloth: Oh, and I suppose you know what it is!
Regis: ....I know what it is......I just...can’t tell you! So who do you want to call?
dubloth: I’ll call my friend slinger
*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*
slinger: Hello!
dubloth: Hey slinger, quick look up papilionaceous in the dictionary!
slinger: Why?
dubloth: What do you mean “Why?”, look it up for this question, you have 25 seconds!
slinger: Fine.....looking....hey listen, penis is in the dictionary, hee-hee-hee!
dubloth: Damnit, would you just look up the word!? You have 12 seconds!!
slinger: Hold on, I got another call.
*click*
dubloth: Someone remind me to pay him a visit after the show! I guess I’ll use the 50-50 lifeline.
Regis: Alrighty!
A. a fish
C. a butterfly

dubloth: Oh what the hell, I’ll guess C
Regis: Last answer?
dubloth: It’s a guess!! Of course it’s my last answer!!
Regis: Ok.....It’s right!!
JBond: I knew it was a butterfly!
Superman: Yeah, after Regis said it’s right!
JBond: Hey, I still knew it!
Regis: And now for the $300 question. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near?
A. They know you have bird seed
B. It’s a curse you’ve had ever since you were six
C. You look like a bird
D. Bad luck I guess

dubloth: Um...aren’t those song lyrics?
Regis: I don’t write the questions!
dubloth: Well, judging by all these messed up questions I’ve been getting, I guess I’ll have to say D!
Regis: ....and you’re right!

<15 minutes later>

Regis: Miraculously, dubloth has gotten to the $1,000,000 question with no lifelines!
dubloth: I know, I’m good!
Regis: And now for the million dollar question! Which of these number are the largest?
A. 34
B. 67
C. 7
D. 53

dubloth: ....you can’t be serious!
Superman: I think the $200 question was swapped with the $1,000,000!
Regis: Hmmm, a lot of the crew are potheads!
dubloth: This almost seems TOO easy! I guess I’ll have to say B, 67!
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Jedi Knight: My God, he finally said it!
dubloth: Yes, that’s my final answer!!
Regis: It—
Police Officer: We had a report of a prank phone call to 9-1-1! We traced the call to here, I’m afraid you’re all under arrest!
<Panic goes through everybody at the same time>
Regis: I am too beautiful to go to jail!
dubloth: NO!! I can’t be arrested! I have to win my million!
Olorin: I have to go to the bathroom!
Jedi Knight: I have to walk sloooowly to the money!
Albert Einstein: I have to go back to 1955 before my wife finds out my decoy is fake!
Superman: I have to...go somewhere else!!
Kathy Lee Gifford: I have to find my marbles, they’re around here some place!
Adam Sandler: .........
JBond: I still have to take my turn! I want my turn!!!
<Olorin runs to the bathroom>
<Einstein pulls some Kung Fu out on the security and accidentally time travels back to 1557 and gets a job as a Jester and amazes everybody with the wonderful invention, the nail clipper!>
<Superman goes to the nearest bar and is later found in the morning wearing women’s clothing and lots of make-up>
Superman: It wasn’t me I tell ya! It was the bartender!

<Hey I'm telling the story here!!>

<Kathy Lee Gifford gets a job as a door mat, enjoys it>
<Regis runs home crying, dubloth follows him from a distance with a bat>
<Entire audience immediately leaves and starts to riot while throwing shoes through windows and tipping over Volkswagons>
<Adam Sandler is carried away and later gets a role in a comedy, no one notices he’s dead in the big screen>
<JBond goes onto all of the talk shows he can, explaining in detail his feeling when he was rejected the right to get a turn on Who Wants to be a Millionaire>
<Jedi Knight watches everyone leave while he hides from the police and later returns to the money>
Jedi Knight: Ha ha! Too easy!
<Jedi takes the money and opens a small restaurant that serves squid, octopus, and pancakes. It goes out of business the next week>

Written by Richard Iliff

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-20-2001).]

[JBond]

Uh, I just noticed dubloth uses the Audience lifeline twice! Let it slide!

[thebtskink]

Originally posted by JBond:

<Adam Sandler is carried away and later gets a role in a comedy, no one notices he’s dead in the big screen>

Written by Richard Iliff

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-20-2001).]

Oh my god, I just realized that Adam was dead!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[Superman]

That had to be one of the funniest things I read in a while, I think I may start writing one myself on some subject.

[JBond]

Thank you, I'd love to hear it!

[dubloth]

im special i get one more lifeline.. cause you know i rock.... and i tipped regis 25%

[slinger]

Fine peice of work. I finally appear and I look 'penis' up in the dictionary. zing.

But just wait and see how JBond ends up in my CS! Story........

Maybe you could do a 'CS! At The Oscar Parties'.

[Superman]

Originally posted by slinger:


Maybe you could do a 'CS! At The Oscar Parties'.



Maybe we all could participate in that thread or if not someone should write it. The reason I say we all should maybe is because its the day before the Oscars and don't know if someone can script it in one day.

[dubloth]

i got a new idea for these stories we do, lets give everyone a role, and let everyone post what they say and have one person be the narrator.

[JBond]

Originally posted by slinger:
Fine peice of work. I finally appear and I look 'penis' up in the dictionary. zing.


Sorry, it was either that or nothing!

[slinger]

Well of course we couldn't finish it in one day, but we'd have to wait until after the Oscars are done to know who one and what happened.

[JBond]

*Who Wants to be a Millionaire update*

dubloth caught up with Regis and beat him senseless.

Oh the humanity.....

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 04-04-2001).]

[Superman]

Originally posted by JBond:
*Who Wants to be a Millionaire update*

dubloth caught up with Regis and beat him senseless.

Oh the humanity.....

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 04-04-2001).]

That explains why dubloth seemed in such a good mood today at the office!

[JBond]

I'm curious, is anyone else planning to make any stories? They're a lot of fun! I'm kind of working on another one...slowly.

[Madness]

I think this was really good JBond! I think I'd be into writing up some shi....,stuff in these forums, but right now I'll just add on.

[EmpireOfDust]

Originally posted by JBond:
<STRONG>Thanks guys, I will now post the last part!</STRONG>

very cool JB!!! Very Creative...!!!

[thebtskink]

*bump*

[Con-Air]

Ahhhh, the creativity. If we could all pool our collective genious we could write better movies than everyone in Hollywood.

[Kenny McCall]

If you guys want to do a Who Wants to be a Millionaire sequel, bring back the Coming Soon gang, plus the following MF's:

1. Jessica Alba
2. Kelly Ripa
3. Cody and Cassidy Gifford
4. Dew K. Mosi
5. Kewlcandy
6. Darth Maul
7. Darth Mojo Jojo
8. and....me, Kenny Eugene McCall, as a sniper hiding in the back of the ABC studios with a $10,000,000 contract on the lives of both Kathie Lee Gifford and Alba's fiancee' Michael Weatherly, who are sitting in the audience!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Superman]

Originally posted by Con-Air:
<STRONG>Ahhhh, the creativity. If we could all pool our collective genious we could write better movies than everyone in Hollywood.</STRONG>

Honestly I think some of the stuff we have here (like our stories) is better than some of the comedies that Hollywood releases. There is a lot of creativity here.

[Godzilla]

Regis: Put these movies in order of their release, starting with the earliest!
A. Godzilla (1985)
B. Godzilla (1956)
C. Godzilla (1998)
D. Godzilla (1954)


I could have gotten this one! ;) :D :p

[JBond]

Originally posted by 1godzillafan:
<STRONG>I could have gotten this one! ;) :D :p</STRONG>

I'd like to SEE it!

[Godzilla]

D
B
A
C

I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!

[JBond]

JBond's second full-length fanfic is coming...you have been warned!

[Moe Szyslak]

A great story...a bit before my time but it helps me understand what people were like before.

Hey Olorin...."Booya!!!"

[JBond]

I can't let my famous fan fics die. ;)