Screenwriting

[Brock Landers]

does anyone else here screenwrite?

Well, I do, it's my major hobby. I hope to someday to be a big hollywood writer/directer like my directing hero Stanley Kubrick. I mean, screenwriting is my passion as is filmmaking with my movie camera. I'm 15 at the moment and I have written four scripts(kinda going through writers block right now on number 5).

:o :cool:

[dr_evil]

i was just wondering what are your screenplays about:confused:


and i have thought about being one but i just dont the time, and i cant keep focused (it will start out good and then i will get bored with)

[Brock Landers]

VIOLENCE: a day in the life of several hollywood-ites

BOYS OF BROOKLYN: A wannabe filmmaker becomes a hitman for a in-the-closet mobboss who uses the newfound hitman as a way to take out all the people who witnessed the mob boss in an act of homosexuality

HAPPY VALLEY: Upon being released from a mental institution, catcher in the rye reading Holden goes on a killing spree leading to portland, Oregon

UNTITLED PROJECT: A day in the life of a 16 year old screenwriter, that day being the last day of summer vacation and the day Nuclear war starts.


and now my newest ones. I've gotten alright reviews on them, the one that got almost all good reviews was BOYS OF BROOKLYN.

[future director]

i screenwrite! well i have a few summaries for ya... lets see most of them are untitiled but here goes

jack and jill : the story of a serial killer who targets young women in bars and meets a woman serial killer who kills after her victims fall in love with her. who will kill first?? ooooohhhh

time clock: a story about a man who is always late to work... finally when its be late or be fired he does everything in his power to make it on time... unfortunately this morning he'll become part of a botched bank heist and comic hijinks ensue...

dreamworld: a story about a cartoonist whos life isnt quite how he dreamed it would be. when he buys a relic at a traveling circus his greatest dreams and fantasies come true. but his wildest scariest and most outrageous dreams also manifest in our world as his comic book world invades ours having not so comical results...

is this life?: we are taken through the life of gay man from 18 through 45 and all the dramatic events that happen throughout.

thats just some... they dont sound too wlel thought out here but they are... so far lol let me knwo what you think

[todd philip]

Originally posted by Brock Landers


UNTITLED PROJECT: A day in the life of a 16 year old screenwriter, that day being the last day of summer vacation and the day Nuclear war starts.



:applaud:

now that sounds interesting!

[thematrixhasyou]

Originally posted by Brock Landers
VIOLENCE: a day in the life of several hollywood-ites

BOYS OF BROOKLYN: A wannabe filmmaker becomes a hitman for a in-the-closet mobboss who uses the newfound hitman as a way to take out all the people who witnessed the mob boss in an act of homosexuality

HAPPY VALLEY: Upon being released from a mental institution, catcher in the rye reading Holden goes on a killing spree leading to portland, Oregon

UNTITLED PROJECT: A day in the life of a 16 year old screenwriter, that day being the last day of summer vacation and the day Nuclear war starts.


and now my newest ones. I've gotten alright reviews on them, the one that got almost all good reviews was BOYS OF BROOKLYN.

They sound nice, but unfortunately, Brock Landers, Hollywood is NOT fond of movies about hollywood. And filmmakers are NOT fond of movies about filmmakers. Most of all, top HW execs in the movie business are not fond of making films ABOUT the movie business. Maybe u shud expand ur horizon beyond "screenwriters" .I write screenplays. not many people are gonna wanna watch movies about screenwriters. It works sometimes, but 9 times outta ten, it jus pisses HollyWood off.
I'm only saying this so maybe u can rethink them so u'l have a better shot at getting one sold.

[thematrixhasyou]

also, its a good idea to register ur titles and summaries with the WGA or NWG before posting them publicly. Your work can get stolen, but if u dont register it or copyright it, the person who steals ur idea can get credit for it hands-free. HAVENT U EVER SEEN BIG FAT LIAR?? lol

My advice- learn about the business a little more, man. Try new subjects, too. Most of all, GET UR SH** PROTECTED.

[thematrixhasyou]

Originally posted by future director
i screenwrite! well i have a few summaries for ya... lets see most of them are untitiled but here goes

jack and jill : the story of a serial killer who targets young women in bars and meets a woman serial killer who kills after her victims fall in love with her. who will kill first?? ooooohhhh

time clock: a story about a man who is always late to work... finally when its be late or be fired he does everything in his power to make it on time... unfortunately this morning he'll become part of a botched bank heist and comic hijinks ensue...

dreamworld: a story about a cartoonist whos life isnt quite how he dreamed it would be. when he buys a relic at a traveling circus his greatest dreams and fantasies come true. but his wildest scariest and most outrageous dreams also manifest in our world as his comic book world invades ours having not so comical results...

is this life?: we are taken through the life of gay man from 18 through 45 and all the dramatic events that happen throughout.

thats just some... they dont sound too wlel thought out here but they are... so far lol let me knwo what you think

I'm not a snob, really I'm not. But I need to help you guys tryin to break into the business.

Ok, first of all, ur Jack and Jill idea is ur best one. It has potential, but change the way u write the summary or else it might sound corny. The whole concept of who will kill first is very intelligently thought up. REMEMBER, though, it it isnt working as a suspense action movie, maybe try a crime/comedy approach, or visa-versa.

Ur TIME CLOCK idea is good too. Could be a very endearing comedy, IF u work in some other characters and maybe a love interest. Make sure the whole movie isnt that one day. Then itl feel like a documentary about an idiot in NYC (hey, theres an idea!) . Also, change the title. Try something like "Punch In" referring to the time he punches in in the morning, or just name it after his name, like "Jerry". Time Clock sounds stupid (SORRY I really am not a snob) Its just a title. That's what I try to tell people. A good title doesnt do much to a script itself as a script, but a bad one can ruin it sometimes. Keep it up.
One more thing: try to epand ur horizon a little bit. Ur ideas are good but the topics theyre on are WAAAYYY too played out. If ur gonna do a movie on a group of theives, for instance. There have been many movies on this: some funny, some sad, some adventurous, some all 3. BUt today, there is not as much room for bank robbers as there were UNLESS u create a new type, like *ocean's eleven* a funny comedy where the robbers are only TECHNICALLY the bad guys and they ultimately win.

[Citizen Kane]

I write screenplays. Most of them are still in development, because I'm the type that always tinkers with my work. Here are a few of my works-in-progress.

a bizarre spectactle (novel): a satire that tells of a political campaign in the year 2056, in which politicos take advantage of a faulty electoral college system and manipulate the country and influence the voters.

Rated R: Details the attempts of filmaker Eduard Romanowski to update the film Man Bites Dog, and the sleazy Oscar campaign that is headed by his producers. The project also focuses on Hollywood media coverage, difficult actors, and the auteur theory.

DELUSION: (mainly an idea at this stage) a Russian cosmonaut is launched into space to maintain a mini-space station for three months. He slowly begins to lose his mind from the isolation, and his paranoia about extraterrestrials.

I might post some more later.

Oh yes, just so you understand:

These ideas have been copyrighted with poor man's copyright!

That means if any ideas that are like mine surface, I'll sue you.

[Citizen Kane]

Originally posted by future director
i screenwrite! well i have a few summaries for ya... lets see most of them are untitiled but here goes

jack and jill : the story of a serial killer who targets young women in bars and meets a woman serial killer who kills after her victims fall in love with her. who will kill first?? ooooohhhh

time clock: a story about a man who is always late to work... finally when its be late or be fired he does everything in his power to make it on time... unfortunately this morning he'll become part of a botched bank heist and comic hijinks ensue...

dreamworld: a story about a cartoonist whos life isnt quite how he dreamed it would be. when he buys a relic at a traveling circus his greatest dreams and fantasies come true. but his wildest scariest and most outrageous dreams also manifest in our world as his comic book world invades ours having not so comical results...

is this life?: we are taken through the life of gay man from 18 through 45 and all the dramatic events that happen throughout.

thats just some... they dont sound too wlel thought out here but they are... so far lol let me knwo what you think

My own opinions (based on my knowledge of filmmaking and screenwriting):

JACK AND JILL: A very fascinating idea. It's original, but obvious. Very good. But if you've developed any suspense about who will kill who, don't let it control the story. It can be a factor, but I think the idea of two killers who start a relationship is more interesting. Do the killers know that they are both killers, or are they oblivious?

TIME CLOCK: Clever, darkly humorous idea. It reminds me of Scorsese's After Hours, and, for some reason, Phone Booth. Don't take thematrixhasyou's advice to add in a love interest. It would be unrealistic under the circumstances you've set up. Who would happen to find a lover while involved in a bank robbery? I'm sure there have been cases in which that happened, but it's generally unrealistic. Also, unless you intend to use "real time" asa gimmick, don't call it Time Clock.

DREAMWORLD: Not a big fan of this. Seems to much like Monkeybone.

IS THIS LIFE?: If done right, this could be great. The perspective you have chosen for the script is rarely represented in cinema today, and could be interesting. As long as it does not deal in stereotypes or dive into over-the-top emotionalism, it could be great.

[future director]

Originally posted by thematrixhasyou
I'm not a snob, really I'm not. But I need to help you guys tryin to break into the business.

Ok, first of all, ur Jack and Jill idea is ur best one. It has potential, but change the way u write the summary or else it might sound corny. The whole concept of who will kill first is very intelligently thought up. REMEMBER, though, it it isnt working as a suspense action movie, maybe try a crime/comedy approach, or visa-versa.

Ur TIME CLOCK idea is good too. Could be a very endearing comedy, IF u work in some other characters and maybe a love interest. Make sure the whole movie isnt that one day. Then itl feel like a documentary about an idiot in NYC (hey, theres an idea!) . Also, change the title. Try something like "Punch In" referring to the time he punches in in the morning, or just name it after his name, like "Jerry". Time Clock sounds stupid (SORRY I really am not a snob) Its just a title. That's what I try to tell people. A good title doesnt do much to a script itself as a script, but a bad one can ruin it sometimes. Keep it up.
One more thing: try to epand ur horizon a little bit. Ur ideas are good but the topics theyre on are WAAAYYY too played out. If ur gonna do a movie on a group of theives, for instance. There have been many movies on this: some funny, some sad, some adventurous, some all 3. BUt today, there is not as much room for bank robbers as there were UNLESS u create a new type, like *ocean's eleven* a funny comedy where the robbers are only TECHNICALLY the bad guys and they ultimately win.

You know i was very eager to come and see what people thought of my ideas cause in the end it is the publics opinion who makes a movie makers career. I was very pleased to find two lengthy replies to what i had posted. First of all to both gentlemen (CItizen Cane and The Matrix has you) I would like to say thanks. Critisism (good and bad) is always welcome.

In response to the above jack and jill actually came to my head as a comedy.. but the more i thought about it, i figured i could have more fun making it a suspense. a hard thing to do is have someone in the audience be afriad for a killer.... and they are both terrible people... but in the end you will be rooting for one...

Time clock came to me as a comedy after i saw liar liar... so naturaly i see Jim Carrey in the lead... As i continued writting i thought that turning this bank robery into a fiasco could be so funny... so other characters that we would interact with would be the bak robbers themselves, a post man who is taken hostage along with our hero, and a woman who it turns out was there to rob the bank as well at the same time.... As for the love interest... well this movie takes place in the course of a week... so you could imagine two people do get romatically involved.... but its not the lead lol......

Is this life has to do with a side of gays that is not seen or talked about too much. A hispanic homosexual who is raised in a machismo world not accepting of his sexuality. With Is this Life i wanted to tell many stories so that whether you are tall and beautiful or short and ugly str8 or gay you could relate cause in the end it is about life..... Is this life for me starts off very light hearted and grows into a dramtic conclusion. See the way i see it the film will grow as our character does... and for most people life is all fun and games when your young, but as life continues it gets harder and more dramatic...

Finaly Dreamworld: Dreamworlds discription didnt do my vision any justice at all... in my head dreamworld is very dark and weird even for me and i am the guy who thought it up. See my lead is a cartoonist but he doesnt draw puppydogs and and flying squirels... he does graphic novels and as wel know we see some dark crazy **** in those comics...the best way to describe this film would be...indiana jones directed by tim burton... set in new york city lol....i told you it was weird

[thematrixhasyou]

quoted by Citizen Kane: --Don't take thematrixhasyou's advice to add in a love interest. It would be unrealistic under the circumstances you've set up. Who would happen to find a lover while involved in a bank robbery?

-- I undertand with what u are saying, but thats not what i meant. i mean, before the day of the bank r obbery comes AKA a half hour in the movie before the action picks up or what-not, introduce us to someone. I dont mean meet someone during the robery, thats stupid. But its also NOT wut I meant. Perhaps incorperate why he is doing this (perhaps for a purpose other than money). to me, the script sounded too "lets make a movie"
and needed more substance. A love interest would not be a bad idea. U must have misunderstood me.

[ambrosia]

Originally posted by future director

Finaly Dreamworld: Dreamworlds discription didnt do my vision any justice at all... in my head dreamworld is very dark and weird even for me and i am the guy who thought it up. See my lead is a cartoonist but he doesnt draw puppydogs and and flying squirels... he does graphic novels and as wel know we see some dark crazy **** in those comics...the best way to describe this film would be...indiana jones directed by tim burton... set in new york city lol....i told you it was weird

The setting sounds alot like Dark City.

[future director]

Originally posted by ambrosia
The setting sounds alot like Dark City.

You are right.. i couldnt put my finger on it but its kind of like dark city invading our reality...

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by todd philip
:applaud:

now that sounds interesting!

How so if I may ask?

[fes]

I'm 15, I started wanting to make films about 3 years ago. I began writing, but haven't made any films yet. I'm hoping to make my adaptation of Henry Slesars short story "The Test" shot in the summer holidays - after my exams.

[Brock Landers]

Well, I'm doing a total makeover(plot, characters and everything) of "The Untitled: Project" in it's second draft. My friend Irvin Malcolm gave me a little hand on the plot, and I went from there........


REGULAR PLOT:
UNTITLED PROJECT: A day in the life of a 16 year old screenwriter, that day being the last day of summer vacation and the day Nuclear war starts.


NEW PLOT:
WRITING PICTURES is about a young, naive, teenage screenwriter who is suffering from massive writer's block. He doesn't think his scripts are any good and he has ran out of ideas of how to go about the next one. He decides the reason for this is that he feels he hasn't lived life to the fullest and hasn't gain enough experiences or met much interesting people. So he leaves home and goes on a trip across an unnamed country where he meets a series of interesting, oddball and sometimes downright scary personalities. He also gets himself into strange, bizarre experiences which may or may not be caused by hallucinations or dreams.

[ambrosia]

Originally posted by Brock Landers


NEW PLOT:
He also gets himself into strange, bizarre experiences which may or may not be caused by hallucinations or dreams.

Why would he be hallucinating and having waking dreams? Is the 16yr old kid doing drugs? If so, I'd scrap the idea right now :p

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by ambrosia
Is the 16yr old kid doing drugs?

No, no drugs.......that would be too easy of a way to show the surreal world. Think David Lynch....there isn't a logical explanation of the surrealist world this kid steps in to......it's just there right outside his door. No one knows where the real world ends and the surreal world begins.

Lynch style....IT JUST HAPPENS

[Mat]

Brock, you sure do like writing about screenwriters. That Writing Pictures premise kind of sounds like a little Charlie Kaufman movie I saw. ;)

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Mat
Brock, you sure do like writing about screenwriters.

You see all those other scripts? **** those. I started over anew with my new screenwriting name, JD WILLIAMS. So, act as if they never existed. Writing Pictures is like my new starting anew......

;)

[Mat]

Hey, my writing name is William Harvey Pearcy because if it was David Smith, no one would think it was my real name (which it is).

[Brock Landers]

REAL NAME = Josh Davis(all those scripts up there are under that name except Writing Pictures)

WRITING NAME = JD Williams(actually, I never use Josh Davis in real life anymore. I go by JD Williams anyways)


with the new penname, I'm starting anew.

;)

[linearsoulchild]

I am very soon going to start writing my *first* script. I have never attempted before but am very often complemented on my writing and my imagination. What i love and would like to do is fantasy - not elves & magic necessarily, but fantasy in a way nobody has thought of before. And i would LOVE to discuss it with anyone who could help me get some perspective but first I will take thematrixha..etc advice and register my titles and summaries with the WGA or NWG.

How do i do this - please somebody help me out (i am currently doing biomedical science ((bleh)) so as you can imagine i haven't the foggiest idea what to do)

[linearsoulchild]

Oh and can someone tell me why it says "Grip" under my name on the left and how to change it?

[Mat]

When 5000 posts you reach, change your title you can, I think. Until then, love thy title.

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Mat
When 5000 posts you reach, change your title you can

3000 posts and you get to change it. Close, but no cigar

;)

[Citizen Kane]

Originally posted by thematrixhasyou
quoted by Citizen Kane: --Don't take thematrixhasyou's advice to add in a love interest. It would be unrealistic under the circumstances you've set up. Who would happen to find a lover while involved in a bank robbery?

-- I undertand with what u are saying, but thats not what i meant. i mean, before the day of the bank r obbery comes AKA a half hour in the movie before the action picks up or what-not, introduce us to someone. I dont mean meet someone during the robery, thats stupid. But its also NOT wut I meant. Perhaps incorperate why he is doing this (perhaps for a purpose other than money). to me, the script sounded too "lets make a movie"
and needed more substance. A love interest would not be a bad idea. U must have misunderstood me.

Why exactly does the script need a love interest anyway? To me it seems like a dive into conventional screenwriting techniques. Every movie seems to have a love interest these days. It would be an interesting change to see a movie that bucked the trend.

[ambrosia]

Originally posted by Citizen Kane
Why exactly does the script need a love interest anyway?

Love interests are just quick and easy ways of allowing the main character to show he/she's emotional range, have something that might act as a catalyst to help further the story later on (Such as the love interest being put in danger or killed) and they're also a useful excuse to throw in a blatant sex scene or two. :p

[Brock Landers]

You don't need a love interest or anything like that. You can have lust in your script. But there is a big difference between LOVE and LUST.
;)

[Citizen Kane]

Originally posted by ambrosia
Love interests are just quick and easy ways of allowing the main character to show he/she's emotional range, have something that might act as a catalyst to help further the story later on (Such as the love interest being put in danger or killed) and they're also a useful excuse to throw in a blatant sex scene or two. :p

But why do we have to have emotional range in a character? Someone should write a screenplay about someone who is completely apathetic. I think I will.

Also, there are other ways to work up suspense at the end of a thriller, namely threatening our hero. Threatening the girl sounds too much like something from a comic book or a James Bond movie.

[Mat]

Originally posted by Citizen Kane
But why do we have to have emotional range in a character?Someone should write a screenplay about someone who is completely apathetic. I think I will.

Bad villains are usually apathetic sacks of potatoes. :p

You gotta have some emotional substance to a character or they'll just end up static card board cutouts. Love intrests usually are cheap devices to give characters a desire or goal. There are other ways to give characters emotional substance. Dialog and the character's actions are not only used to further the plot but also to show their emotions.

[TheP-Man]

well im writting a script for the 12th Jason film. hope it gets excepted.

[Mat]

Type all you want, just save your paper. We don't need a new Jason movie. :)

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Mat
Type all you want, just save your paper. We don't need a new Jason movie. :)

Or michael myers, or freddy.........;)

[TheP-Man]

anyways why are you guys flashing your ideas around when anyone could easily steal them ?!;)

[Citizen Kane]

Most of us have probably copyrighted the ideas, otherwise we would not put them on a public message board.

[Il Duce]

I've only done work on two. One was a purposely bad movie modeled after every MST3K movies I've ever seen. But it was almost TOO bad.
The second one is an idea for a TV series, but I doubt it'll sell here in the States. But I'm sure the WB will buy it.