Depression - been there?

[Longshanks]

OK, I'm going to come clean and admit that I've recently been diagnosed with clinical depression - this has come about through a lot of personal crap including the death of my Father, work and the recent break-up of my 2 and a half year long relationship - *thinks* - yup, that'll cover it for now.

This, so it turns out, is something I've been struggling with for a few years now, but have only actually been diagnosed with in the last two weeks. For anyone who's suffered, or is suffering from this, they'll know that 'Depression' is NOT just like feeling depressed - it's a very physical thing too (in fact current thinking is that it's a chemical change in the brain as much as circumstance, although genetic pre-disposition is a theory too).

Just to reassure everyone that I'm not the manic -depressive type, (or, 'Bi-Polar' as they call it now - see, you learn all sorts of interesting stuff when you look things up :) ) - just the generally deep down sad sort with intermittant sunny spells.

Anyway, what I wanted to know is: Has anyone else here ever suffered from or experienced depression and do you feel up to talking about it? I know it's a difficult subject with a fair bit of stigma attached, but it'd be interesting to get other people's perspectives on the whole thing - you know, a depression shared is a depression spread :rolleyes: ;) - besides, I think the current statistics are that 1 in 5 people will suffer from this at some point in their lives, so chances are there are more people feeling like me on these boards.

(I kind of feel like I've just stood up in the circle and gone "Hi everybody, my name is Longshanks and I suffer from depression" - to which everyone else in the circle claps politely and replys Hi Longhanks - we feel your pain *shudder* :rolleyes: )

[JBond]

I had some pretty bad depression in Middle and High School, I'd like to think I'm doing better now but it's hard to say sometimes.

[tyler_durden]

When I was in Jr. High and High School I was depressed a lot. Mainly because I hated school. Granted I was never diagnosed with it. I was always either depressed or angry. And I only remember a few occasions where I was genuinely happy. But I am on a much more even keel now.

[Longshanks]

There are a lot of classic symptoms including loss of self esteem and disturbed sleep patterns, just type in 'depression' into any search engine and you'll get a pretty standard list of about 10-15 potential symptoms depending on how bad it is.

But I think a lot of people either think they must have 'depression' because they feel depressed or don't realise they have 'depression' and just feel low (which is what happened to me). Considering how many people it effects, most of us are pretty uninformed about what it actually entails, I know I was until last week.

[JBond]

I was diagnosed with it

[Iben]

sometimes I feel really low in periods where I can’t really explain why I’m feeling like that. It might be a little thing like stress from school or something that starts it, but once it’s there I feel bad about almost anything and I can’t explain why. It might go on for a couple of weeks where nothing seems to be going right and no matter what anyone tells me I can’t get out of the hole I’m in. It doesn’t happen much anymore and it’s probably not a clinical thing, but yeah I do know how it’s like to feel depressed and mad at the world.

[Kris Hodgson]

I suffered from clinical depression when I was in high school. It came about from: the death of a very close friend of mine; my mother getting back together with a very abusive ex; and just a general feeling that life was ****. I went to many doctors who all wanted to give me various antidepressants. All those did to me was give me a crutch to lean on. Oh, I'm not feeling well....I'll just pop some of these pills and feel better for a while, until they wear off, and then feel like **** all over again. It got to the point where i wouldn't get out of bed because I thought "What's the point? What do I have to look forward to?" I even contemplated suicide, getting so close that I actually had the knife pressed against my wrist. What stopped me was thinking about my friend, and how horrible it was watching her family go through the ordeal of losing a child at the young age of 16. I wouldn't want to put my family through that.
The only way I found to fight my depression was to keep living a normal life, even though it was very hard sometimes. I got through it, and am happy to say that I feel great now. It takes alot of time, so hang in there. You'll get through it! ;)

[tyler_durden]

Originally posted by longshanks
There are a lot of classic symptoms including loss of self esteem and disturbed sleep patterns, just type in 'depression' into any search engine and you'll get a pretty standard list of about 10-15 potential symptoms depending on how bad it is.

But I think a lot of people either think they must have 'depression' because they feel depressed or don't realise they have 'depression' and just feel low (which is what happened to me). Considering how many people it effects, most of us are pretty uninformed about what it actually entails, I know I was until last week.

I wouldn't have defined it as depression then, but that is the only reason I can think of to explain some of the things that I did. There wasn't any one thing that really made me feel that way, I was just the kid that everyone else liked to pick on. And it was pretty bad in Jr High and High School. I have kind of taught myself to be aware of my feelings now, and when I start to feel low I take a step back and figure out why. Then I force myself into a better mood and I am fine. I am sure I didn't have clinical depression or anything, but life just sucked then.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Kris Hodgson
I suffered from clinical depression when I was in high school.

Hi Kris - thanks for being open and honest.

For myself, suicide or the contemplation of it isn't an option thankfully. But after a LOT of reasearch and talking to people, both friends and GP's (sometimes both in the same person), I've made the decision to go on a course of serotonin antidepressants. They're not 'happy pills' they just work to keep what natural serotonin the body produces, in circulation for longer. It was a tough choice and one I was dead against at first, it felt like an admission of defeat to admit I needed 'pills' - not a good thing when your self-esteem is low anyway. But I feel more informed now and figure if you had a broken leg you'd go and get it fixed and take some pain-killers to help so why try to deal with something like depression on your own?

I'm also looking into alternative and complimentary therapys like acupuncture, massage and councelling so I feel like I'm taking an active part in getting myself sorted. But it is difficult.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by longshanks
But I feel more informed now and figure if you had a broken leg you'd go and get it fixed and take some pain-killers to help so why try to deal with something like depression on your own?



That is a great way of looking at it.

Becuase that is just how it is, You havent done anything wrong. Its not your bad. . . Its just something up with your body like a cold. You didn't want that cold, you didn't ask for it. . .

But you have to deal with it.

[Rogue]

I feel ya longshanks. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 12. It all started when I was young, my teenage years have been utter hell. I saw my best friend commit suicide, I've had an abusive boyfriend that put me in the hospital, I've struggled with an eating disorder and I've tried to commit suicide five times. I'm doing better now though, and it's under control. It's hard to cope with sometimes but just try to hang in there. My advice is try to avoid the medicine, it basically turned me into a zombie. It will get better longshanks, all I can say is look for the good and fight for that..it really will help. In all the bad, there is good somewhere. :)

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Rogue
I feel ya longshanks. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 12.

Wow - there's a lot of honesty here.

That's some serious stuff there Rogue, if you didn't opt for the medication route to help out, may I ask what helped you get through it? Family would be an obvious one, but that's not really an option for me. Friends are good, but you can't just keep visiting your mates EVERY night. Talking is good hence this thread.

I know I can get out of this given time and help, but I need to know what helped people in the 'black' moments, you know, the anxiety attacks that come out of nowhere and roll through you like the tumbleweed from Hell (or a really nasty rollercoaster without all the screaming kids and less candyfloss).

Glad there are a lot of positive thoughts here too.

[JBond]

Music helps, hanging with friends doesn't always help but it can. Sleeping..

[Rogue]

The medicine was forced upon me and I quit taking it because it was literally making it worse on me. My family really helped me- my father, my cousins and my aunt. I talked a lot to them. My friends of course, they were very understanding and helped whenever they could. I just talked through it, I still go to my therapist to this day. She helps a lot. If you can find a good counselor or therapist, it will work wonders, trust me.


As for my black moments..I found out that writing really helps me. Poetry, songs, anything. It helps the sadness flow out of your body, in my opinion. Talking definitely helps, even if you don't talk to anyone but your pet. Find something you truly enjoy and try that. Hell, sometimes coloring in a coloring book helps me. It's the little things that makes all the difference when those moments hit you. Music is a good outlet as well, I'm a saxophone player. When I'm in a mood I'll play. Find something that you enjoy when you aren't down and it will help you through it, the things I do carry happy memories with them so that's what helps me..it helps me remember that happiness is possible and the moods seem to pass quicker.

I must commend you too longshanks, admitting the depression there is half the battle and I'm proud of you for wanting to fight it and getting help. Most people let it consume them, I know I did for a long time. I'm glad you're fighting this!

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Rogue
If you can find a good counselor or therapist, it will work wonders, trust me.



Being in the countryside takes the edge of things a bit. Definitely cutting down on the alcohol though - not a good route (although I'll still have a pint now and again with friends or down the pub).

It's taken a long time to get to this admitting stage, my heels have been well and truely dug in to stop falling over this particular edge for a while now. That cost me a lot. But thanks for the words of encouragement Rogue, you really are the Florence Nightinggale of the CS boards ;)

I have signed up for a councellor via my doctor, but unfortunately there's a 12 week waiting list to see an NHS councellor (NHS= the UK's public National Health Service) - still, I'll wait if I have to (can't really afford a private one)

[Rogue]

I don't know about Nightengale, but I've been there..I know what it's like, I try to help. :)

The important thing is that you know what's up now and you're trying. If you're in the countryside, a walk when you're upset might help as well. Just get out and get some fresh air, that does wonders too.

[Psylent]

Originally posted by longshanks
OK, I'm going to come clean and admit that I've recently been diagnosed with clinical depression - this has come about through a lot of personal crap including the death of my Father, work and the recent break-up of my 2 and a half year long relationship - *thinks* - yup, that'll cover it for now.

This, so it turns out, is something I've been struggling with for a few years now, but have only actually been diagnosed with in the last two weeks. For anyone who's suffered, or is suffering from this, they'll know that 'Depression' is NOT just like feeling depressed - it's a very physical thing too (in fact current thinking is that it's a chemical change in the brain as much as circumstance, although genetic pre-disposition is a theory too).

Just to reassure everyone that I'm not the manic -depressive type, (or, 'Bi-Polar' as they call it now - see, you learn all sorts of interesting stuff when you look things up :) ) - just the generally deep down sad sort with intermittant sunny spells.

Anyway, what I wanted to know is: Has anyone else here ever suffered from or experienced depression and do you feel up to talking about it? I know it's a difficult subject with a fair bit of stigma attached, but it'd be interesting to get other people's perspectives on the whole thing - you know, a depression shared is a depression spread :rolleyes: ;) - besides, I think the current statistics are that 1 in 5 people will suffer from this at some point in their lives, so chances are there are more people feeling like me on these boards.

(I kind of feel like I've just stood up in the circle and gone "Hi everybody, my name is Longshanks and I suffer from depression" - to which everyone else in the circle claps politely and replys Hi Longhanks - we feel your pain *shudder* :rolleyes: )

I have depression everyday.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Psylent
I have depression everyday.

Are you receiving any treatment for it? How are you managing to deal with it?

[howard-the-duck]

well back 1962 when my wifes aunt died we where sad!

[Kyle Katarn]

I worry about my sanity in the future....my brother was officially diagnosed with depression just recently. My mother died last year, and we did not really get a chance to greive before our dad started drinking and making our lives a living hell....after all the **** he put us through, I finally told him about 2 weeks ago to go to hell, and that I never wanted to see him again. Since then, he hasn't come near me. Despite that I have literally shut off all feelings for him, I started to feel almost guilty today.

It's like I fear that once (or IF) all the emotion I have inside comes out, something's gonna break...But I don't think suicide will ever be an option. All it would do is the same thing dad is doing: Doing what he wants, the world be damned. Plus, I have some pretty strong religious beleifs, and the thought of me burning in hell forever was all that was going through my mind the one time I put a loaded gun to my head. And when the thought that my dad would be there with me hit me, that sealed the deal - suicide? NEVER!

I really don't feel depressed, and don';t see the need for medicine - don't let yourself feel the pain, then why treat it? But I feel like this could really screw me up down the road. But oh well. I just wonder if this is what's shot my self confidence all to hell? I was looking at 2 options for the future, and lack the will to try either one....for fear of what happens if I screw it up, or fail...:(

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Kyle Katarn
I worry about my sanity in the future....my brother was officially diagnosed with depression just recently..... I was looking at 2 options for the future, and lack the will to try either one....for fear of what happens if I screw it up, or fail...:(

I know all about bottling it up, been doing that for years and in the end all I was doing was refusing to face facts because the thought of what would happen to me if I let go and went with it all was too scary. But all I was doing was building up the pressure - oh yeah, and the guilt too - never underestimate the power of good old guilt.

A good friend of mine who's gone through depression, described it in the terms of every problem being a brick put in our way, if they come infrequently we can pick them up and put them out of the way, but if they come in too fast we end up building a wall with them that we can't get through.

Sometimes everyone needs help, no one can be stong all the time, and sometimes 'strong' just becomes 'stubborn' if you're not careful. Lack of self esteem is a pretty standard part of depression it seems and let's face it, by the sound of it you've been through the mill recently, of course that's going to hurt.

A similar thing happened to me after my Dad died, within days my Mum had decided that I had conspired with my Dad (whom she hated) against her over the Will, and decided to set her solicitors on to me. If Dad had wanted to put a wedge between us he certainly did a good job. So I never really had time to grieve either having to deal with my Mother for the next year as I tried to find some impossible middle ground.

After that my girlfriend (who had been suffering from depression since before we started to go out) sensed that I was withdrawing and started to have anxiety attacks which felt for all the world like personal attacks on me, triggering off what I now realise were my own anxiety attacks. Definitely bad Karma! The whole thing slowly spiraled over the period of the next 18 months and finally came to a head. If I could have seen what was happening to us both I may have been able to do something about it - but I couldn't and I didn't, depression does that to you.

I wish someone had been able to sit me down and talk to me about the whole thing, to stop me feeling like I was failing if I gave in and admitted I needed help.

Can you talk to your brother about what he's going through? It may help you too?

[Chicklet]

no depression for me!...yet!

[Elizabeth]

Longshanks, what you were saying about the lack of self-esteem seems to be one of my problems. I was depressed quite a bit in high school, partly because I didn't have many friends and nobody seemed to want anything to do with me. I considered suicide a few times, but then I thought of how that would affect the people closest to me, so I decided against it. I think depression goes with adolescence, or so it seems to me. Now that I'm 20 years old, I don't get depressed as easily as I did while I was still a teenager.

[Scarlet spidey]

I probubly "suffer" from it right now but I havent gotten diagnosed with it I do take aderal(in shor it's prozak laced with ritilan) and that seems to help

[HeadHunter]

Went to depression and all i got was this ****ing T-Shirt

[Longshanks]

Looks like a lot of people have been where I am :(

Just to let you know that I've been feeling better over the past couple of days, maybe it's the pills (which I warn you do NOT mix with even a half of Guinness damnit!!! Talk about kicking someone when they're down or what!? :rolleyes: ), or maybe it's just that the human mind can't kick itself forever without a break and my head needed a few days off or something, (which is why I'm going over to Amsterdam for the weekend ;) ). Don't worry, I'll be sensible :rolleyes:

Thanks to everyone who's bared their souls here and to anyone who's PM'd me with words of encouragement and care, I really do appreciate it :)

Thanks again
LS

[Rogue]

Heh, wish I could hop over to Amsterdam for the weekend.

[kryptonian_boy]

Can't you fly in the comics? Or are you grounded now?

[Rogue]

I'm grounded at the moment, but if I could fly I'd be in France and I wouldn't look back. I seem to be in one of my blacker moods right now, I'm majorly bummed.

[Scarlet spidey]

:(

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Rogue
I'm grounded at the moment, but if I could fly I'd be in France and I wouldn't look back. I seem to be in one of my blacker moods right now, I'm majorly bummed.

What's up? are you p***ed off 'cos you're grounded? If you want to offload then be my guest, I've become an expert on dealing with BLACK MOODS (dramatic chords with a bit of funky bass to counterpoint ;) ).

If I'd known you wanted to come to Amsterdam, I'd have got you a ticket :) Oh well, I'll at least send you a postcard...mind you, knowing what the post's like, I'll be back on these boards for weeks before the card arrives :rolleyes:

Seriously though, hope you're ok?

LS

[JBond]

I swear, CS is where the depressed go.

Hope it's not the other way around...

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by JBond
I swear, CS is where the depressed go.

Hope it's not the other way around...

What? CS goes where the depressed people are? Are you sure that works?

Glad I'm plugging into the zeitgeist of the boards then :rolleyes: :p ;)

[JBond]

Originally posted by longshanks
What? CS goes where the depressed people are? Are you sure that works?

No no, people go to CS and get depressed ;)

[Interceptor]

I struggle with what I consider a severe depression for all of my adolescent life up till now at 19 years old. I won't lie, life is really hard now. I feel like no one knows what I am going through. But I'm getting help now, that includes therapy, medicine and being open about my problems with those close to me. Hopefully I will get back to the life I should be living real soon. This is a good thread. If anyone reading this thinks they have depression, get help. Don't sink deeper into it. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get out of it.

[Psylent]

Originally posted by longshanks
Are you receiving any treatment for it? How are you managing to deal with it?
It's my s***y life, and I accept it.

[JBond]

Originally posted by Psylent
It's my *****y life, and I accept it.

I think we have the same prescription.

[Psylent]

What prescription?

[JBond]

It was a joke, I meant that's the way I treat it as well.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Interceptor
I struggle with what I consider a severe depression for all of my adolescent life up till now at 19 years old. I won't lie, life is really hard now. I feel like no one knows what I am going through. But I'm getting help now, that includes therapy, medicine and being open about my problems with those close to me. Hopefully I will get back to the life I should be living real soon. This is a good thread. If anyone reading this thinks they have depression, get help. Don't sink deeper into it. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get out of it.

You're right, share your feelings with friends, that's what your mates are for, (and who knows, you may be pleasantly surprised to find you've got more mates than you realised :) ).

It's really important that people actually know about it if you're suffering from depression, trying to deal with it alone doesn't really work.

And getting help is just the sensible thing to do. Good luck Interceptor :)

[Rogue]

Thank you for the postcard longshanks. :) No, I'm not pissed because I'm grounded..I'm not really grounded, I was replying to k_b. I'm upset because I can't do anything because I'm sick and I'm feeling very smothered by other things in my life right now. It's just hard to deal with.

[Kyle Katarn]

Originally posted by Kyle Katarn
It's like I fear that once (or IF) all the emotion I have inside comes out, something's gonna break...

Damn, I hate it when I'm right....

For the past 2 weeks I've learned what it means to have "the walls close in around you." I've been totally miserable, and all the stuff coming out, is destroying my body: I can't eat, my blood sugar is low, I have vertigo, I'm sleepy all the time, and I've gotten sick more this year than (with the exception of early childhood) in my whole life!

Even now, I have a stomach virus....so bad that I went in to work on my day off yesterday to help, and they threw me out because they didn't want it! I guess the risk outweighed the reward! :D

Two things finally broke me....holding my newborn nephew the other day, It's like I heard a voice say If you don't get your mind fixed....you won't be alive to see him grow up...

Then the next day at work - my refuge, because I run on autopilot and don't think. Well, it didn't work that time because I WAS thinking, and eventually took out most of my pain on my hapless coworkers.

Realizing I was hopeless alone, I used my break to call a therapist, and get set up for some stuff. I was against the pills at first, but now I will do ANYTHING to be me again. I was lucky with wait times...I see the MD to start an antidepressant next Wednesday, and see the therapist Friday.

[methos]

now after reading all the threads on the forum .I see we really all have alot in common. I understand what eveyone is going through. i myself battle depression everyday. i have mood swings where some days im so happy and other days i can be a total ******* with no care towards others feelings. I have cut off ties to friends i don't like to go out anymore or party. Honestly i have no self esteem or confidence. Its gone and i don't know how to get it back.you know when hollidays come around i hate them sometimes i can just go to my room and not care. This year was better .i have taken alot of my emotional pain out on my mom. while talking ,never physical . lets face it i went through a mentally abusive childhood. my dad use to insult me. by calling me stupid ,dumb .no good. after a while you believe it. i have honestly thought about suicide . i won't lie. i have felt that if kill myself the pain will go away. i have thought about this year truly . im going to be thirty. and i don't want to go on. But something pushes me on. one thing that i have found to ease this pain and it is not good is self mutilation. i have scars on my shoulder and arm .where i have cut myself to ease the pain that i am going through. i don't want to admit im human ,men have this thing about admitting weakness.This is probably the first time i have opened up to strangers about my problems without some one thinking im sick in the head or something. I don't want to be an embarrassment to my family that is why i keep this a secret from them..

[Link]

Eh, I'm always depressed...Man, 2003 sure hasn't been the best of things to happen...I mean there's been some positives but my emotional state is pretty much butchered..I try to ignore it..meh

[Halofan1]

I'm here in depression right now.

[Link]

Originally posted by Halofan1
I'm here in depression right now.

Want to join me?

[Madness]

I don't get depressed I get angry. Really. I mean, I DO get depressed, but whenever I feel it coming on I get pissed!! Mostly because usually when I get depressed it's because people are stupid, or the world is stupid or if not that then because I'm stupid and that pisses me off. I find thta being pissed is better than being depressed......However, I do have my off days........

[methos]

I feel that way too sometimes and don't understand why it happens. i get angry at stupid things. something that would usually not annoy me does, ive been soul searching looking for something in my past to get me out of this ****ty feeling. i just trying to stay away from people .I told one of my best friends about this what im going through and now he tries to give me these fatherly advice speeches.If i needed that i would go to my father. i spend time on my own , lately i feel like the social outkast.

[smokiechimp]

I can't say I've ever been phisicaly depressed, I can be a bit of a hypercondryact some times but I would never joke about depression! I've had some S***y things happen to me in my life up to now and occasionaly feel quite lonely, insicure and have low self esteem, but I find most of it is through my own personal choices and decisions that we all subconsiously make in life. I can change this by re-inventing my lifestyle if I had the will power, but changing a bout of depression is a whole different barrel of biscuits!!

I'm glad I could share that with you guys.;)

[Citizen Kane]

Originally posted by methos
now after reading all the threads on the forum .I see we really all have alot in common. I understand what eveyone is going through. i myself battle depression everyday. i have mood swings where some days im so happy and other days i can be a total ******* with no care towards others feelings. I have cut off ties to friends i don't like to go out anymore or party. Honestly i have no self esteem or confidence. Its gone and i don't know how to get it back.you know when hollidays come around i hate them sometimes i can just go to my room and not care. This year was better .i have taken alot of my emotional pain out on my mom. while talking ,never physical . lets face it i went through a mentally abusive childhood. my dad use to insult me. by calling me stupid ,dumb .no good. after a while you believe it. i have honestly thought about suicide . i won't lie. i have felt that if kill myself the pain will go away. i have thought about this year truly . im going to be thirty. and i don't want to go on. But something pushes me on. one thing that i have found to ease this pain and it is not good is self mutilation. i have scars on my shoulder and arm .where i have cut myself to ease the pain that i am going through. i don't want to admit im human ,men have this thing about admitting weakness.This is probably the first time i have opened up to strangers about my problems without some one thinking im sick in the head or something. I don't want to be an embarrassment to my family that is why i keep this a secret from them..

:(

[Elizabeth]

Quite often I suffer from low self-esteem. People around here hardly ever notice me or include me in anything. I should be getting used to it, I guess. I'm hoping this will change when I go to a four-year university...away from these losers around where I live. :)

[JBond]

So you can meet all new losers ;)

Just kidding though, good luck with school

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Kyle Katarn

Realizing I was hopeless alone, I used my break to call a therapist, and get set up for some stuff. I was against the pills at first, but now I will do ANYTHING to be me again. I was lucky with wait times...I see the MD to start an antidepressant next Wednesday, and see the therapist Friday.

I know exactly what you mean about the pills idea Kyle - I was the same - even when I finally went to the doc's first time and got them prescribed, I took them home, read all the 'contraindications' on the back of the packet and chucked them away immediately. Took me a few more months and a really bad patch to finally give them a try. I've been on for 4 months now, and with the support of some very good friends and a lot of honesty about the whole thing, I'm definitely on the up now. I have to saty on them for about 3-6 months after you feel completely better before coming off them. Carefully.

Basically they give me the time to just relax and breath out for a while, and I try to think of them in the same way as I would antibiotics - I need them so I take them. Talk to some of your friends about the medication - A: so they know and you're not having to try to keep it a secret, and B: because you may be surprised just how many of them have been on similar medication in the past - I found out that quite a few of mine had been in the past at some point.

Good luck mate, and if you ever feel like talking about it or need a bit of moral support from time to time then you know where my PM is :D

Originally posted by methos
now after reading all the threads on the forum .I see we really all have alot in common. I understand what eveyone is going through. i myself battle depression everyday. i have mood swings where some days im so happy and other days i can be a total ******* with no care towards others feelings. I have cut off ties to friends i don't like to go out anymore or party. Honestly i have no self esteem or confidence. Its gone and i don't know how to get it back.you know when hollidays come around i hate them sometimes i can just go to my room and not care. This year was better .i have taken alot of my emotional pain out on my mom. while talking ,never physical . lets face it i went through a mentally abusive childhood. my dad use to insult me. by calling me stupid ,dumb .no good. after a while you believe it. i have honestly thought about suicide . i won't lie. i have felt that if kill myself the pain will go away. i have thought about this year truly . im going to be thirty. and i don't want to go on. But something pushes me on. one thing that i have found to ease this pain and it is not good is self mutilation. i have scars on my shoulder and arm .where i have cut myself to ease the pain that i am going through. i don't want to admit im human ,men have this thing about admitting weakness.This is probably the first time i have opened up to strangers about my problems without some one thinking im sick in the head or something. I don't want to be an embarrassment to my family that is why i keep this a secret from them..

Yeah, that whole self esteem thing is a real pisser - that's the bit that crumbled finally under me, difficult to like much when you don't like yourself isn't it :(

I was actually listening to a program on BBC radio4 last week about this (see, Link's quiz answer for me was true ;) ), there's a link here (http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-bin/search/results.pl?q=self+harm&go=homepage) to the BBC site, maybe you can download the program and listen to it (they keep them on for 7 days after the broadcast). In any event there are a few more links there which may be helpful.

I seem to remember them saying that it was often a way of showing physically the pain you have inside you - people find it difficult to pick up on what others are going through at times, but scaring and wounding are pretty obvious signs for all to see...trouble is that most people try to keep it secret. :(

I'm not going to try to give you any advice, just check up the link and do some reading ok?
Good luck.

[Link]

Eh, I wish there was some way to help you there Longshanks. I guess the best thing to do is try and talk about what's bothering you to your close friend. Trust me, I was in the worst of moods last night..I mean I was very depressed..Eh...so finally I said everything that bugged me inside....I'm feeling quite alot better..

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Link
Eh, I wish there was some way to help you there Longshanks. I guess the best thing to do is try and talk about what's bothering you to your close friend. Trust me, I was in the worst of moods last night..I mean I was very depressed..Eh...so finally I said everything that bugged me inside....I'm feeling quite alot better..

Thanks Link - but I'm not doing too bad at the moment - good times and bad, it's all down to making sure there are more good than bad ones - and then just keep upping the percentage ;)

Good move in talking openly about how you feel btw - I generally helps with me too - bottling all the crap stuff up can't really be healthy I reckon. :)

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Elizabeth
Quite often I suffer from low self-esteem. People around here hardly ever notice me or include me in anything. I should be getting used to it, I guess. I'm hoping this will change when I go to a four-year university...away from these losers around where I live. :)

Sorry Elizabeth - I didn't see the top of this page initially - it's not that I was ignoring you, it's just that I'm stoopid :D

University worked for me, and you have two really great options to chose from too!

1- Sod 'em, just be yourself and be happy with that and people will come round sooner rather than later - In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter what a few individuals think :cool:. Love yourself (...though not in the way Frizzo would do it, that's the wrong sort....... :rolleyes: - sorry ;) ), and others will follow.

Or:

2- Go out and get yourself some new clothes, play around with some 'looks' and have fun reinventing yourself amongst a new group of people - you never know :D

Don't worry, people can be prats sometimes ;)

[Link]

Originally posted by Longshanks
Thanks Link - but I'm not doing too bad at the moment - good times and bad, it's all down to making sure there are more good than bad ones - and then just keep upping the percentage ;)

Heh, that's not exactly the ordeal for me..Rather vice-versa..damn

Good move in talking openly about how you feel btw - It generally helps with me too - bottling all the crap stuff up can't really be healthy I reckon. :)

..Eh...yeah I was lucky..I'd usually never say anything..Heh..;)

[Frizzo the Clown]

I've never been diagnosed with depression..mainly because I've never been "offically" checked for it..but I'm fairly certain I suffer from some form of it. In fact, it runs in my family. My mom suffers from it as well....

[Rogue]

I'm still dealing heavily with my depression and I'm on medication and I see my therapist twice a week. I fully support getting help if you need it, it's just finding the right person to help you. I went through two therapists before I found my current therapist. She's great and I feel that I can truly trust her with my problems, unlike the other two that completely looked down on me for not knowing how to deal.

Also, this is another point I wanted to bring up, I know a few of my friends are ashamed of getting help..but I don't think anyone should be ashamed of it at all. After all, admitting you need help is the first step. It won't get better unless you want it to and you take the neccessary steps to fix it. I know for the longest time I said I didn't need anyone's help and I could stand up to this alone..it's just not that easy. A good therapist or hell, even a great friend that you trust could help. I know I have a part-time therapist in Karen and a rock I can lean on in my best friend. That's how I'm dealing at least.


And I guess this post really had no point except for me to put my two cents in and update ya'll. :)

[Link]

I always know its friends that help me out..They understand me the best, that's why I trust them..

[Sicy]

I was really depressed a few years ago. I had some problems with my shoulder and I was in so much pain every day for so many months, I had to quit the only job I ever knew and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. It was really a bad time. Its hard not to be depressed when you are in pain every day and there is nothing you can do to get rid of it.

Thankfully I found a great office job and my shoulder is permanently damaged but it doesnt flare up anymore unless I do massive lifting or something.

[slinger]

Two and a half years ago. Crohn's disease or at the time not knowing I had CD, but I knew something was wrong with me but it wasn't cancer. It wasn't a happy time. Basically with Crohn's I can't eat certain foods. A lot of foods. But at the time I wasn't diagnosed yet. I had been told it was this, than this and then something else. I lost a lot a weight and when I did eat I would most likely vomit. I vomitted practically every day. Sometimes twice since my body couldn't take it. When I looked in the mirror I was so thin. I would get up around 9, and have naps around 3/4 pm since I was so tired. I didn't do much either just try to entertain myself and keep my mind of this problem. Then there was the whole 'why me' thing but that didn't last long. I still get in a depressed mood, but you just have to try to get by since it gets better. Hope that made sense.

[Tardumb]

So, is that Crohn's Disease a permanent thing? Can just only eat like select foods or something? Sounds pretty bad. I'm aware of the name, but didn't know what it was...

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Rogue
I'm still dealing heavily with my depression and I'm on medication and I see my therapist twice a week. I fully support getting help if you need it, it's just finding the right person to help you. I went through two therapists before I found my current therapist. She's great and I feel that I can truly trust her with my problems, unlike the other two that completely looked down on me for not knowing how to deal.

Also, this is another point I wanted to bring up, I know a few of my friends are ashamed of getting help..but I don't think anyone should be ashamed of it at all. After all, admitting you need help is the first step. It won't get better unless you want it to and you take the neccessary steps to fix it. I know for the longest time I said I didn't need anyone's help and I could stand up to this alone..it's just not that easy. A good therapist or hell, even a great friend that you trust could help. I know I have a part-time therapist in Karen and a rock I can lean on in my best friend. That's how I'm dealing at least.


And I guess this post really had no point except for me to put my two cents in and update ya'll. :)

Well said Rogue :applaud:

[Knerys]

I'd have to agree. It's the hardest thing in the world, but once you can, it makes all the difference.

[Rogue]

Thanks, shanks..I try.

[pixiness]

I was suffering from depression about 3 years ago... It was a very emotional, very horrible part of my life... In fact, my life as I knew it officially ended and I was left with nothing. I had to start all over again.

I didn't want to take "anti-depressents" either... So I started seeing a therapist like 4 times a week. Moved cities and jobs... Here i have a "life coach". She's not a therapist, but she is like an objective motivator that helps me stay accountable to my goals. She's been the perfect step after working through all my therapy.

Just getting myself in front of some new scenery with an almost entirely new group of friends really helped me put the past in the past. For everyone here, if you have the possibility to... I highly recommend not being afraid to make changes... especially if they're difficult. My life coach has this great saying she tells me everytime I'm hesitant to do the difficult things, or every time I start to back down from the toughest obstacles.

"It takes great friction to polish the finest gems." (she's right)

[Frizzo the Clown]

Actually, I thought the whole "change in scenary" thing would help me too..and I think that it still would..but I tried it, and I couldn't get it to work. I have such bad luck that I never even got the chance to leave....

[Iben]

Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown
Actually, I thought the whole "change in scenary" thing would help me too..and I think that it still would..but I tried it, and I couldn't get it to work. I have such bad luck that I never even got the chance to leave.... :(

[Rogue]

She is right pixi, and I like that saying a lot.

For me, the changes were small and large at the same time. My mother was causing me a lot of emotional damage..so I finally just bucked up and moved out on my own. It helped a lot just to get away from that environment and her constant emotional abuse. I'm a person that's very afraid of change and it was a big step for me but the people that support me where behind me 100 percent..they were there saying that I had made the right decision and since I had done it for myself, it made me feel a lot better.

I'm not going to disagree with those of you that choose not to take antidepressants..in fact, I admire you- you're a lot stronger than I am. I am glad to say that my antidepressants have been severely scaled down so I'm not depending on them quite so much. I'm finally beginning to fight this on my own and with just the support of my loved ones and therapist.

[pixiness]

Good for you girlfriend!

Keep in mind that the university has lots of resources available for students... often for free. And it's not just very nice, patient volunteers who listen. They're very skilled professionals and they have really unique insights into the other stressors in your life like school and the particular social structure of your school.

[Longshanks]

Drugs, therapy,councelling, change of scenery, talking to your mates, all or some of the above...whatever works.

Glad to see people being so open about what's a really difficult subject - maybe it's because most of us don't know anyone else here personally which makes it easier - maybe because it's a sympathetic ear from others not directly involved in your own situation?

Whatever - I'm glad people are managing to talk here, thank you.

[Rogue]

I think you're right, longhshanks. It's easier to be open with people about this when they aren't directly involved and haven't seen it firsthand. I can identify with most of you because we're all going through the same thing, just on different levels.


It's an open offer to anyone, I don't know how good of advice I give, but I'm willing to listen if anyone needs a sounding board. Contrary to popular opinion, I can shut my yap and listen when the need arises. ;)

[slinger]

Originally posted by Tardumb
So, is that Crohn's Disease a permanent thing? Can just only eat like select foods or something? Sounds pretty bad. I'm aware of the name, but didn't know what it was...

CD 4 Life! ;)

Yeah you can't die from it, but it goes into remission. No cure or known cause yet. Its different for everybody. I can still eat the foods, like say Coke or chocolate. But I'll get bad cramps, terrible gas pains and then I might vomit. Back then it was really bad, but now its much better. I can't have a lot of the 'bad' stuff.

[Kris Hodgson]

My fiancee has Colitis. It is alot like Crohn's but not as bad. Sometimes she can't make it 10 feet to the bathroom in time. Really crappy disease. It's basically ulcers on your intestines. Very painfull some days.

[Rogue]

Well, I hope it treats you kindly and with the least amount annoyance. :)

[slinger]

Originally posted by Kris Hodgson
My fiancee has Colitis. It is alot like Crohn's but not as bad. Sometimes she can't make it 10 feet to the bathroom in time. Really crappy disease. It's basically ulcers on your intestines. Very painfull some days.

Well of course she lives in Manitoba. IBD Capital of the World. The percentage of people who have Crohn's or Colitis is higher here than anywhere on the planet. Also the majority of people who have IBD live in first world countries. CD and UC can be misdiagnosed since they are so similar. Luckily I have a mild version. I've read about people who have it a lot worse than me.

[slinger]

Originally posted by Rogue
Well, I hope it treats you kindly and with the least amount annoyance. :)

Thanks.

[JBond]

Originally posted by pixiness
Just getting myself in front of some new scenery with an almost entirely new group of friends really helped me put the past in the past.

I've been concidering for a few weeks now about that, if I should move away, this place has bad karma now...

[Empusae]

Right now I am depressed.

Frankly I had a hard time not thinking about rather unfortunate things last night.


I don't know if I can do this. . . if something doesnt improve then I don't know what I am going to do.

[Rogue]

Just try to hang in there, Empusae, it really does get better. It may take time, but things do improve.


On that note...


I've come to a decision this past week/week and a half that it's time for me to stop blaming myself for past events I couldn't control and to stop holding myself responsible for the outcomes. I sat down and thought long and hard about the future I have in front of me and decided there's no way I can have the life I want and be depressed all the time. I've decided to fight this tooth and nail and get through it once and for all. The past is going to be dead and buried and I'm going to move ahead into my new life I have ahead of me (college then teaching and some day a family) and just try to be as happy as I can with life.

There's a song lyric I think that fits my frame of mind perfectly and it goes "Life throws you curves but you learn to swerve"..it may have taken the better part of 7 years for me to swerve but I'm finally doing it. :)

So to those of you that feel like it won't get better and you're stuck like this- trust me, you aren't. Just don't give up, be strong and fight it. A happy life is worth fighting for.

[smokiechimp]

I have an EMENSE amount of respect for everyone who is posting in this thread ESPECIALY Longshanks for sharing his feelings and for starting this thread. I'm not quite man enough to share my problems with everyone, I like to give opinions and views on things but I find it difficult to talk about myself (I don't know, maybe that's my problem) but anyway Good luck in life to ALL of you, The internet is a powerful tool and is able to bring people together and form new friendships! You are NOT alone in the world! as 'Rogue' wisley put it "those of you that feel like it won't get better and you're stuck like this- trust me, you aren't. Just don't give up, be strong and fight it. A happy life is worth fighting for" THINGS DO GET BETTER!:) :) ;) :) :)

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Rogue
Just try to hang in there, Empusae, it really does get better. It may take time, but things do improve.


On that note...


I've come to a decision this past week/week and a half that it's time for me to stop blaming myself for past events I couldn't control and to stop holding myself responsible for the outcomes.

First and foremost thank you love.

You have always been a pip.


And what you have decided to do is a hard thing, sometimes allot worse than the events themselves.

However getting past that, allowing yourself to stop punishing yourself (even subconsciously) is the best thing you can do for yourself.

[Empusae]

Ok here is whats up in my life right now.

Well I had a bad night. I mean real bad.

I went to bed at, err, 9pm and got woke up at 10:30 by my roommate. It seems there was someone there to drop of my paperwork that my wife sent over.

For the divorce.

I read through it and I wasn’t too shocked to see things going the way they did. However there are a few things that shocked me.

First the shock was a restraining order.

Second shock was the request for spousal support. I was expecting something but they want $150 a week. I make about $650 every two weeks. I pay $400 a month in rent. So they want $300 a week. I just looked again and they want, in addition to that, $116.50 a week for child support. So we have a grand total of $533 a pay. Leaving me around $100 a pay. Then I have to pay our loan to the bank, which is $77 or so. Leaving me with about $23 a pay.

The real kicker there is my wife works 32 hours a week making $10.50+. On top of that she just got a lawsuit settled in the amount of $43,000.00 dollars. She has actually received $20,000.00 of that. Of that money I will never see a dime.

So now, today, I have to find a lawyer to go over the paperwork and see what’s up.

Oh and the reasons for the divorce are Gross Neglect of Duty and Extreme Cruelty.


Last night is also the first time I have honestly thought about killing myself.

I laid there awake for a good long while wondering what I should do. Wondering if it is all worth it.

In a short period of time I have gotten this paperwork and I have had a relationship begin falling apart.

Finally the job that I have been working for, well it seems I may not be getting it. All the positions may go to existing state employees. This means, for me, a transfer and a demotion to eight or nine dollars an hour. It also is the case that the company I work for hates me as I have, for the longest time, been working for my boss here at the site more than I have been for them.

Those thoughts are still at the back of my mind. . . Making me wonder if it would be easier to do that and get out.


I doubt I will though.

[Rogue]

You're quite welcome.

Seriously ya'll, if I can do this- any of you can. :)

[Empusae]

Faraway in China,
the people sometimes say,
life is often bitter
and all too seldom gray.
Bitter as dragon tears,
great cascades of sorrow
flood down all the years,
drowning our tomorrows.

Faraway in China,
the people always say,
life is sometimes joyous
if all too often gray.
Although life is seasoned
with bitter dragon tears,
seasoning is just a spice
within our brew of years.
Bad times are only rice,
tears are one more flavor,
that gives us sustenance
sometimes we can savor.

[Rogue]

Originally posted by Empusae
Ok here is whats up in my life right now.

Well I had a bad night. I mean real bad.

I went to bed at, err, 9pm and got woke up at 10:30 by my roommate. It seems there was someone there to drop of my paperwork that my wife sent over.

For the divorce.

I read through it and I wasn’t too shocked to see things going the way they did. However there are a few things that shocked me.

First the shock was a restraining order.

Second shock was the request for spousal support. I was expecting something but they want $150 a week. I make about $650 every two weeks. I pay $400 a month in rent. So they want $300 a week. I just looked again and they want, in addition to that, $116.50 a week for child support. So we have a grand total of $533 a pay. Leaving me around $100 a pay. Then I have to pay our loan to the bank, which is $77 or so. Leaving me with about $23 a pay.

The real kicker there is my wife works 32 hours a week making $10.50+. On top of that she just got a lawsuit settled in the amount of $43,000.00 dollars. She has actually received $20,000.00 of that. Of that money I will never see a dime.

So now, today, I have to find a lawyer to go over the paperwork and see what’s up.

Oh and the reasons for the divorce are Gross Neglect of Duty and Extreme Cruelty.


Last night is also the first time I have honestly thought about killing myself.

I laid there awake for a good long while wondering what I should do. Wondering if it is all worth it.

In a short period of time I have gotten this paperwork and I have had a relationship begin falling apart.

Finally the job that I have been working for, well it seems I may not be getting it. All the positions may go to existing state employees. This means, for me, a transfer and a demotion to eight or nine dollars an hour. It also is the case that the company I work for hates me as I have, for the longest time, been working for my boss here at the site more than I have been for them.

Those thoughts are still at the back of my mind. . . Making me wonder if it would be easier to do that and get out.


I doubt I will though.


I'm really sorry to hear that Empusae, it sounds like you're going through a really rough time. My best advice is just to take a deep breath and find a lawyer to help you with the divorce and take things as they come. Don't let them overwhelm you, as hard as that may be. It just makes it worse, trust me. As far as the job goes, make the best of what you can. You can only do what you can do, you know? And don't think of killing yourself, it's not the answer. Think of the children and the people that care about you and yourself. It would cause a lot of pain if you did that. I know how hard it is to try and fight those thoughts off and try to go on living..it's not easy by a long shot. It's not the answer. It wouldn't be easier just to get out of it, it would just make things harder in the long run because of the grief and misery everyone would have. Just do what you can and the rest will work itself out.

I don't know if that holds any value but that is just my two cents on the situation..I could be completely off base with the divorce since, well, I've never been married but I've seen many divorces within my family with similar circumstances. As bad as it seems, once you work out the little details it will be fine.


Hell, I may not even be the best person for giving advice right now seeing as that I'm just beginning to get past my issues and pain for good..but I'll help in any way I can.

[Empusae]

Thanks Rogue.

I won't do it.


What scares the hell out of me is that it is in my mind at all. . . that it appears to be an option, even though I know its not.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Rogue
Hell, I may not even be the best person for giving advice right now seeing as that I'm just beginning to get past my issues and pain for good..but I'll help in any way I can.

Hell hon.

As you and any of the other old timers here know advice is what I do.

Despite the fact that I was in an abusive relationship at the time, beyond the fact that I have had, and do have, issues.

I still gave advice.


The hurt in your own heart and soul doesnt detract from what you have to say.

If anything it adds to it.

[Rogue]

It is scary..no one thinks they'll ever reach that level. I finally woke up and realized it was actually a warning that things need to be taken care of. There are so many reasons not to do it that you can't see when you are so depressed that you're thinking about killing yourself. The first time I tried to slit my wrists all I could think about was what would my father do? (I'm a huge Daddy's girl). How would he deal without me since all I've heard my whole life is that I'm his source of joy. It's the things like that that make life worth living. I'm glad you won't do it and I know I'm not the only one that will tell you that. It's definitely not an option or an answer..it's a quick fix with permanent consequences. Also, I've really come to believe it's the coward's way out. That's really hard for me to say seeing as that I miss my best friend so much (she shot herself)..but it really is. Suicide solves nothing, if anything, it creates more problems.

*steps down off her soapbox* I'm sorry ya'll..I have so many thoughts about all of this I keep rambling on and on. :o

[Longshanks]

What Rogue says is true even if you may have heard it a hundred times before.

Life can be a complete bastard sometimes, and we can only carry so much on our shoulders before we start to buckle under the weight of it all when it gets rough, BUT IT DOES GET EASIER THE FURTHER YOU GET FROM IT - whether that's in time, space or both.

When I was 26 I was engaged to a beautiful girl called Nancy - unfortunately we both went through a pretty crap time in our own lives, her mother died from cancer after a long illness which knocked her for six (I never realised just how far that does actually kick you until it happened to me) - and for myself I was working my soul out for very little return and we had no money - Too many stresses, too little understanding. We broke up and I was devastated. So I moved to Cardiff because I was offered work and started from ground level again (or probably a fair bit below it)

Now a similar thing has happened again - Life kicked my last girlfriend and myself so hard from so many different direction that we literally tore ourselves appart. My Father died after a prolonged illness leaving me with a lot of unresolved guilt, my ex was already suffering from depression when she entered the relationship with me, my Mother took me to the solicitors to challenge my late father's will, and basically blamed me for siding with my Dad against her, (they resented eachother deeply for years) - she was wrong. My ex had severe family problems including child abuse, a biggoted and nationalistic Welsh valleys upbringing (I'm English - it never went down too well with her Dad and her sister :( ), oh yes, and we both had very low self esteem and she stopped taking her medication. My work collapsed and I was earning nothing for months...trust me, there's LOADS more that I won't bore you with. :rolleyes:

She coped by blaming me for everything that was going wrong in our relationship- I failed to cope by thinking she was right - eventually we split and I was, (unsurprisingly), diagnosed with depression.....

OK, enough heart-baring for now, what I'm trying to say is that the really **** times can seem like they'll never end when you're in the thick of them, when you just can't stop thinking yourself round in circles - the old 'obssessional thought patterns' thing - and the only view you have is the tunnel sort.

Go to your doctor, ask about councelling, talk to friends and family if you can, don't be afraid of prescribed medication like I was, it helps give you some space to breathe, it helps break the repetative black thoughts, it takes the edge off the hurt...eventually.

But most important - TALK to people, ok you probably have to share it around amongst your mates a bit rather than lay it all on one poor bugger ;) but nothing works better than talking to a supportive mate or two...or three..or four....

Keep talking Empusae - there's a lot of good people here to offload onto - it really has helped me at times - don't take it all on yourself ok ;)

Take care mate

LS

[Rogue]

Group hug? And no I didn't say grope hug. ;)

[Tardumb]

Originally posted by slinger
CD 4 Life! ;)

Yeah you can't die from it, but it goes into remission. No cure or known cause yet. Its different for everybody. I can still eat the foods, like say Coke or chocolate. But I'll get bad cramps, terrible gas pains and then I might vomit. Back then it was really bad, but now its much better. I can't have a lot of the 'bad' stuff.

Ahh, damn...Don't know what I'd do if I had it, I eat so much crap all the time cause I'm too lazy to fix anything 75% of the time...

[smokiechimp]

The one thing that made me look back on my life and say don't give in, was when one of my friends took his own life two years ago last month.
There was no cast iron reason and no note (I don't want to go into details) My friends and I were all horrified and shocked and although we never talk about what happened much we all think about him all the time (I know I do) and his death showed me how much taking your own life effects other people and is not a good thing which made me vow never to consider anything like that ever again.
This insident upsets me alot and I try to take the one possitive out of it which is 'Don't take that road'

There you've made me pour my heart out (Well some of it):(

[Longshanks]

OK - so that took me sooo long to write that I missed the last few posts - so... yeah, get some legal advice - her lawyers are trying to screw you by the sound of it and there's bugger all point in leaving you destitute if you end up not being able to pay the bloody maintainance :rolleyes: The same sort of thing happens over her in the UK too - people are greedy and resentful and your ex obviously has a big chip on her shoulder which her solicitor is just probably helping to fuel..your ex is doing just what mine did - blaming you for the lot.

Get righteous and remember another useful really useful saying - "Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down" ;) Damn right! :)

[Longshanks]

Yeah - GROUP HUG!!! Depressed people have feelings too! :D

...and that'd better be your hand on my arse Rogue ;)

[Rogue]

*looks innocent* You know you like it, shanks. ;)

[Rogue]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
The one thing that made me look back on my life and say don't give in, was when one of my friends took his own life two years ago last month.
There was no cast iron reason and no note (I don't want to go into details) My friends and I were all horrified and shocked and although we never talk about what happened much we all think about him all the time (I know I do) and his death showed me how much taking your own life effects other people and is not a good thing which made me vow never to consider anything like that ever again.
This insident upsets me alot and I try to take the one possitive out of it which is 'Don't take that road'

There you've made me pour my heart out (Well some of it):(

Believe me, I know how hard it is to lose a friend. I saw my best friend put a gun to her head and pull the trigger when I was twelve years old. It really does effect others and it leaves a permanent hole in your heart where they used to be. The best way to think about this that I've found recently is to think that they wouldn't want you to be down and out about it. They'd want you to remember the good times and to keep them close always and to live life. Even though they aren't here, no one can take you from them permanently.

The way I keep Nicole close is that every morning, no matter what, I get up and look at her picture and say our little saying we used to say all the time. She was like the sister I never had so I miss her just like a sister would. I know she's still with me though because I haven't let her die.

That's the common misconception I think that when someone is gone, they're gone for good. They aren't..they'll always be in your heart and nothing can take that from you.

[Tardumb]

*gets up out of steel chair and walks up the aisle to the front. steps onto soapbox*

Ahem. *tap tap* Check? Okay...

I've been kind of lurking around this thread and reading through you guys' conversations and posts, it's saddening to see so many people, some I call friends, albeit on-line, this depressed. I've been depressed before, everyone's been depressed before. Some are strong enough to bare through it, and for some the wieght becomes to heavy for them to go on...

I know this isn't a new discovery or theory, I sure as hell didn't think it up, but it is my observation that winter is the master of putting people down. Now, not always true, but in alot of cases it is. I've noticed winter-time makes me in an overall much sadder mood the whole season. I don't know if it's the cold weather, or the fact that it seems dark outside twice as much as it is light. And when it is daytime, it's cloudy and nasty and cold...

To me, winter makes me feel lonely/alone, even if I know I'm not. It makes me feel like IF there is a God, he just doesn't give a ****. (this winter hasn't been the best of luck for me) I feel like the whole ****ing world is out to get me, to make sure that I'm not happy, and if things do start to go right, something is GONNA go down to put an end THAT! When I look at other people around me, I think about how they obviously haven't a thing to worry about and don't know why everything has to go right for them and so terribly wrong for me! I absolutely, no doubt about it, full heartedly hate winter....

I didn't feel like going into details of things that have went wrong or brought me down in life, or just this winter, but I just kind of wanted to let you guys know there's one more person to lean on and to know you're definently not alone...

*walks back to seat*

[Rogue]

You know I'm here for you too, D. ;)

[S.A.M.G.]

While I can't lay claim to clinical depression myself, I have helped someone through it.

In the last two years my wife was diagnosed with depression and acute anxiety disorder, and I've got to say it was... hell.

The events of 9/11 struck a deep chord in my wife, who has always had an unreasonable fear of death. She became so obsessed with the idea that we were all going to die, that the world would end in a firey holocaust that she could no longer function. She was afraid to leave the house, afraid to let our children or me out of her sight.

Plain and simple, just watching my wife go through her depression and fear was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I littlerally had to stop her from hurting herself on two occasions, and for a while I was scared to leave her alone with our children.

It took her three therapists to get to the point where she was comfortable enough to get what she really needed. She's gotten help though, and the medication she is on is far better than I could have hoped for. It gave me back the woman I married (albeit, I do have to make certain sacrifices and concessions to her anxieties). I recommend the drug route to anyone. They've made amazing strides in the pharmacological arena in the last five years, and the drugs are so much better, both from a treatment as well as a side effect standpoint.

To top it off, we're making a change to a new scenery soon (any CSer's in Omaha?) so we're getting away from a lot of what's causing the anxiety.


Empusae -

CS tends to be a reflection of Callahans Crosstime saloon (and if you aren't familiar with the works of Spider Robinson, shame on you), the basic philosophy of which is

"Shared pain is diminished; shared joy is increased"

The very name of this place looks to the future, hopefully a better one.

You are gooing through quite the rough patch, and I've been there myself (not exactly the same, but rough in it's own way).

The documents are shocking, but hardly unusual. It's a bargaining position and nothing more. She wants a lot, so her lawyer asks for a huge amount, knowing that your lawyer will offer practically nothing, so that you can come to a fair and equitable arrangement with which neither of you are happy. My advice, get a lawyer, quick.

I can't imagine you thought you'd ever be accused of gross neglect of duty or extreme cruelty, and I know it's gotta be a blow to your self esteem. Forget about it. I'd like to say that I know you, if only from your writings here and there, but I can't imagine those applying to you at all.

Deal with the legal stuff first and worry about the job second. There are lots of jobs out there, so put that on the back burner for now.

There's lots more to live for than to give up. Lots of goals and dreams for you to fight for. And if you feel you need it. go get help. Your friends, your real friends will be all the more proud and happy for you for doing so.

[Rogue]

I'm glad your wife is doing better, SAMG. That's good to hear. :)

And as far as the medications go, I'm on them now but for the longest time I fought and fought and wouldn't take them because I wanted to do it alone..sometimes it's just not possible. Pride has a bitter taste when you swallow it. But it's for the better that I did..sometimes you have to see how weak you really are to see your strength.

[S.A.M.G.]

Thanks Rogue.

Fortunately we didn't have to go through an argument regarding the medication. She was already on two types of pain killer for this genetic defect she has which for all intents and purposes has destroyed both of her ankles and her right knee. Knowing, as she did, that the drugs are there for a purpose, and that they aren't a crutch, or were going to change her in a way she didn't want, helped a lot.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Tardumb
*gets up out of steel chair and walks up the aisle to the front. steps onto soapbox*


I know this isn't a new discovery or theory, I sure as hell didn't think it up, but it is my observation that winter is the master of putting people down. Now, not always true, but in alot of cases it is. I've noticed winter-time makes me in an overall much sadder mood the whole season. I don't know if it's the cold weather, or the fact that it seems dark outside twice as much as it is light. And when it is daytime, it's cloudy and nasty and cold...

*walks back to seat*

Thanks Tardum *LS walks up to mike again* "Hi, My name's Longshanks and I have depression"

It's known as S.A.D - which I think stands for 'Seasonal Adjusted Disorder'

Basically sunlight helps your body to produce Seratonin which is the body's natural 'happy juice' - so naturally you'll feel less cheerful when there's less sunlight. In most of us this sin't a real problem, but when your reserves are low anyway through pressure/depression etc then you'll feel it far more when the Seratonin levels drop.

The medication I'm on is an anti-depressant in the 'Selective Seratonin Re-uptake Inhibitor (SSRI)' catagory (who the hell comes up with these bloody names eh? :rolleyes: ) - it doesn't make seratonin itself, it just makes the body keep it's own seratonin hanging around in your system longer before it's reabsorbed.

I have a theory that relates to how each country sees in it's New year - countries that are dark at the end of the year probably have more depression and a different view on the world than those who welcome in their new years (always a time of reflection) in the middle of summer.

Personally I suggest we all move to New Zealand :D

[Rogue]

As long as I can finish college and teach, shanks, I'm with ya. ;) We studied seratonin and SSRI's and all that good stuff in Psych class so I actually have a better understanding of what's going into my body so I'm more comfortable with it now. Plus my mother isn't forcing it down my throat anymore since I'm on my own now.

[smokiechimp]

I'm not even going to quote that last post above Rogue's (I'm so P****D OFF) This thread is important to some people and no-one needs you F*****G it up for the rest of us! Take your smut and shuv it up your ass D*CK HEAD!!:mad: :mad: :mad:

[smokiechimp]

Sorry I got a bit adgitated then! I hate it when people don't think! or show any compassion to anyone:(

[Rogue]

Yes, smokie..some people are heartless. It's a shame too.

[Kyle Katarn]

Empuase - I'm sorry to hear about your troubles....what really pisses me off about that is that she's rolling in dough, yet still trying to financially screw you over....

Reminds me of the ex-wife of one of our pharmacists....she draws a crapload of money off him, yet is on welfare from the state as well! :mad: I just love seeing people drop of a prescription at the drive-through window in their brand-new Ford Expedition with leather seats and CD changer, and had you a Medicaid card with it! :mad:

*breathes*

Anyway...good luck getting through this. Hang in there, and don't hesitate to sic your own lawyers on hers! (It takes a shark to kill a shark...or something poetic!) ;)

[S.A.M.G.]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
Sorry I got a bit adgitated then! I hate it when people don't think! or show any compassion to anyone:(

I must have missed it. So far, other than a few misplaced jokes early on, people have been fairly consistent in their support and encouragement.

[smokiechimp]

I was talking about that stupid porn post!

[Rogue]

Someone posted some very inappropriate things about sex and what not advertising porn all through community.

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by S.A.M.G.
I must have missed it. So far, other than a few misplaced jokes early on, people have been fairly consistent in their support and encouragement.

Sorry man I just realised that the offensive post above rogues has been deleted so now it looks like I'm having a go at youand longshanks:( :o :)

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
Sorry man I just realised that the offensive post above rogues has been deleted so now it looks like I'm having a go at youand longshanks:( :o :)

You're having a go at me?!? :eek: - don't you know I'm depressed damnit!?!? :mad: don't you realise that prodding me with the stick of ridicule could push me to...no I don't even want to think about the teddy bears again...don't make me go there again!


... damn, I missed porn :rolleyes: ;)

[Rogue]

Awww is someone in need of another hug? ;)

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Rogue
Awww is someone in need of another hug? ;)

Oh, alright then - if you insist ;) - you do give good hug :D ...just please don't ask about the teddy bears ok?

[Rogue]

*hugs to everyone that needs/wants one* :)

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by Longshanks

... damn, I missed porn :rolleyes: ;) Now thats what I like to hear! ;)

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Rogue
*hugs to everyone that needs/wants one* :)

I'll take one! how much? I only have 34 pence a paper clip and..... Damn, that fluff again!!!!:grin:

[Kyle Katarn]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
I'll take one! how much? I only have 34 pence a paper clip and..... Damn, that fluff again!!!!:grin:

OOOO...fluff! *Kyle steals the fluff and packs it away into his survival kit to use as fire-starting tinder!* :D

[Rogue]

My hugs are free. :)

[S.A.M.G.]

Thanx Rogue, that's one of the sweetest things I've seen online in an age.

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Kyle Katarn
OOOO...fluff! *Kyle steals the fluff and packs it away into his survival kit to use as fire-starting tinder!* :D

God dammit!! and I was hungry aswell

*Smokie slaps Kyle and steals his survival kit, replacing it with a basketball called wilson*

FREE HUGS!:applaud: :applaud: :applaud: Count me in! after today I need them. You guys are the first I've spoken to about the crap in my life! Thankyou! (Although I know I have been pretty vague)

[Kyle Katarn]

Glad we could help....keeping things bottled up inside is not good, talking to people and getting it out is a must! It sure helped me....and here was where I did a lot of my venting too!

[JBond]

Here's my story of depression since everyone else is opening up.

First of all I should say I feel my depression is a little more genetic then from somethign like a tramatic experience. My mother takes anti-depressants and my aunt (on my mother's side) killed herself with a gun. I guess it started in about 6th grade, like they say, middle school sucks. In school I've always been kind of half nerd and half outcast...I did great in math and stuff, but I didn't get good grades otherwise like all the people who branded me as a nerd thought. After a while I didn't like going to school and I really didn't have many friends...I forgot what started it exactly but I started to go to a psychologist from this depression I was developing...not a psychiatrist, there were no drugs involved yet, this guy was more like a therapist that I was just suppose to talk to, but I could never really open up to him.

(Bare with me, I'm not sure of the exact order of all things, this is all to my best recollection)

7th grade..was the worst year of my life, I hated school, I hated the kids there and how they treated me, I hated how I felt I would never survive high school or college and I even thought I would never meet anyone cause of how "messed up" I was. To avoid school I played the ol' "I'm sick" routine with my parents...I did it 30 times that year. At some point in middle school I was put on anti-depressants such as Zoloft, Wellbutrin and ...some white capsule thing. I guess these helped me some but eventually I wanted to get off of them because I wasn't me when I was on these things...its hard to explain. I guess I should have stayed on them because after not to long I tried to kill myself by swallowing about 20 pills....I'm alive today cause I knew nothing of medicine and tried it with nasal decongestants...my psychologist actually said "you don't know much about medication, do you?" and then let out a small laugh....which is actually pretty funny to me now but very cruel at the time. He asked if I did it for attention and I lied and said yes...and I was later placed on antidepressants of course, meanwhile my family hide the medicine from me...

And I dont know, I guess high school was a little better, atleast the last two years, even though my grades never really showed it. I havent been on medication or have I seen anyone for a long time about depression. I've kind of gone through depression only recently once again, but I guess that's for another time...this post probably couldn't help anyone, it was more for me to let it out finally.

[muzikul]

I was diagnosed with mild depression around this time last year. In a way I was relieved, because I realized that there was a reason I felt the way I did, and that something could be done about it. Apparently I've had depression for years, but I'm not quite sure when it began.
I'm now a senior in college (5th year), and I would probably point to the beginning of my freshman year as the time when my depression started. My grandmother, whom I was very close to, died of cancer about 2 weeks before I started school. I think that losing her, combined with starting a new chapter in my life at a new place, might have triggered the depression. College itself hasn't helped along the way either. I've hated most of my classes and my motivation has been awful the past couple of years. Thankfully, I'm nearing the end and I believe that I will feel much better after I graduate.
My symptoms are probably the same as many of y'all who have dealt with depression. Lack of motivation, sadness, guilt, low self-esteem, and sleep problems. The sleep thing has probably been the worst for me over the past 5 years or so. I'm actually going to have a sleep study conducted next week to see if I can do something to get better quality sleep.
My advice to anyone who is depressed is this: get some kind of help and don't be embarrassed or ashamed. Millions of people deal with some form of depression, and knowing that you aren't alone is a great feeling. Getting some type of help is a gift to yourself that you deserve, because the outcome is a better life than you have now.

[Rogue]

Originally posted by S.A.M.G.
Thanx Rogue, that's one of the sweetest things I've seen online in an age.

You're welcome..I'm just trying to help. :)

[Longshanks]

Ever thought of taking up councelling as a career Rogue?

[Rogue]

Me as a counselor?

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Rogue
Me as a counselor?

Its not that far outside the realm of possablility.

Nor is me learing to spell.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Longshanks
Keep talking Empusae - there's a lot of good people here to offload onto - it really has helped me at times - don't take it all on yourself ok ;)

Take care mate

LS

I plan on it mate.

I usually help people to help myself. . . helping others makes me feel better.

And I do so, or have done so, both here and on Live Journal.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Tardumb
*gets up out of steel chair and walks up the aisle to the front. steps onto soapbox*

Ahem. *tap tap* Check? Okay...

*walks back to seat*

Yeah sounds like sad.

Seasonal Affective Disorder.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by JBond
And I dont know, I guess high school was a little better, atleast the last two years, even though my grades never really showed it. I havent been on medication or have I seen anyone for a long time about depression. I've kind of gone through depression only recently once again, but I guess that's for another time...this post probably couldn't help anyone, it was more for me to let it out finally.

You never can tell what will help someone.

Thank you for letting us in.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Kyle Katarn
Empuase - I'm sorry to hear about your troubles....what really pisses me off about that is that she's rolling in dough, yet still trying to financially screw you over....

I spoke to my ex.

it seems that she just told the lawer that she wanted one. . . it shocked her what he was asking for.

So she is going to call him and see about us doing a simple no-fault, uncontested divorce.

[Empusae]

Originally posted by S.A.M.G.
Empusae -

CS tends to be a reflection of Callahans Crosstime saloon (and if you aren't familiar with the works of Spider Robinson, shame on you), the basic philosophy of which is

"Shared pain is diminished; shared joy is increased"

The very name of this place looks to the future, hopefully a better one.

You are gooing through quite the rough patch, and I've been there myself (not exactly the same, but rough in it's own way).

The documents are shocking, but hardly unusual. It's a bargaining position and nothing more. She wants a lot, so her lawyer asks for a huge amount, knowing that your lawyer will offer practically nothing, so that you can come to a fair and equitable arrangement with which neither of you are happy. My advice, get a lawyer, quick.

I can't imagine you thought you'd ever be accused of gross neglect of duty or extreme cruelty, and I know it's gotta be a blow to your self esteem. Forget about it. I'd like to say that I know you, if only from your writings here and there, but I can't imagine those applying to you at all.

Deal with the legal stuff first and worry about the job second. There are lots of jobs out there, so put that on the back burner for now.

There's lots more to live for than to give up. Lots of goals and dreams for you to fight for. And if you feel you need it. go get help. Your friends, your real friends will be all the more proud and happy for you for doing so.


Thank you S.A.M.G.

And how dare you ask me if I know that ;)

What kind of Sci-Fi fan do you think I am?

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Rogue
Me as a counselor?


Oh and I almost forgot.

*HUG*

[Rogue]

Originally posted by Empusae
I spoke to my ex.

it seems that she just told the lawer that she wanted one. . . it shocked her what he was asking for.

So she is going to call him and see about us doing a simple no-fault, uncontested divorce.

Well, that's certainly a step in the right direction. :)

And thanks for the hug. ;)

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Empusae
I spoke to my ex.

it seems that she just told the lawer that she wanted one. . . it shocked her what he was asking for.

So she is going to call him and see about us doing a simple no-fault, uncontested divorce.

Yup - unfortunately the only reason you need a Lawyer is to talk to another bloody lawyer! :rolleyes: They thrive on conflict because they make more (incredibly well-paid) work for themselves.

I have a very low opinion of most Lawyers/Solicitors as you may have guessed ;)

Anyway, excellent news if you ex is feeling a simple no-blame divorce is the best way to go - see, up's as well as downs.

Good news.

And yes Rogue - if you're like this in person then I think you'd make a very good councillor. You come across as a very caring person who listens and empathizes well. Definitely a second career option if you ask me :)

[Rogue]

Aww thank you, shanks. :)

My current major is elementary ed but I don't suppose becoming a counselor at a school is out of the question..it's something to think about. I just like helping and seeing my friends happy.

[Citizen]

I've been clinically diagnosed since I was 19. That was many, many, many years ago.(a subtle way of not letting you know how old I am. Anyway up until 5 years ago I medicated myself with booze and drugs. As long as I stayed high I didn't have a chance of realizing my problem. I then became clean and sober.For the last 5 years I've been prescribed virtually all available medications without any help. I also have a therapist who has been very helpful to me. The meds I'm on now seems to help a little. Not too long ago a psychiatrist recommended electro shock therapy. I recommended getting his mother out of my house.
It's very important that you have both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. At least in my opinion. If you ever want to chat PM me.

Keep the faith.:)

[pixiness]

You know, a friend of mine is manic-depressive, and all through highschool and college his solution was drugs and alcohol. It really wasn't the solution... if anything it only made things worse. He was never forced to realize that there really was something wrong that needed to be fixed, not just covered up.

I felt that way for a while too, like it was something to be ashamed of, and while I didn't turn to drugs and alcohol the way he did, I DID spend a lot of time trying to ignore my feelings, hoping they would go away. For me, it led to a lot of broken friendships and failed relationships... I expected other people to fill the void I felt in my life.

My therapist helped me realize something I'd like to share with all of you on that frame of mind:

There is nothing selfish about spending time and energy on making yourself happy. It is not the job of others to make you feel good about yourself because people will come and go in your life. At the end of the day, the person you have to answer to is yourself (and God if you believe in him/her - faith is a different discussion I won't go into right now).

She also said that people like me with "a disease to please" often forget that our worth isn't measured in the things we do for other people, it's simply our value as an important human being on this planet. So, by constantly doing things for others, we expect the favor to be returned and we end up devastated when that doesn't happen. I became self-destructive in relationships and friendships that weren't serving me in that way... But by realizing that I have to take responsibility for my own happiness, I've learned to become more assertive, feel more comfortable disagreeing with friends, and I've found that friendships and relationships can go much deeper and be so much more meaningful if I stop looking at others for what they can do for me.

It's okay to love yourself, tell yourself that it's okay to be selfish in that respect. :)

[Iben]

Originally posted by JBond
I guess it started in about 6th grade, like they say, middle school sucks. In school I've always been kind of half nerd and half outcast...I did great in math and stuff, but I didn't get good grades otherwise like all the people who branded me as a nerd thought. After a while I didn't like going to school and I really didn't have many friends...I forgot what started it exactly but I started to go to a psychologist from this depression I was developing...not a psychiatrist, there were no drugs involved yet, this guy was more like a therapist that I was just suppose to talk to, but I could never really open up to him. wow that was really early in your life to be depressed. Hopefully things will improve as you grow older and older. *hug*

[JBond]

Originally posted by pixiness
I expected other people to fill the void I felt in my life.

Well damn, that was my one bit of hope...

[JBond]

Originally posted by Iben
Hopefully things will improve as you grow older and older. *hug*

I hope so :) *hug*

[pixiness]

Originally posted by JBond
Well damn, that was my one bit of hope...

Don't get me wrong... other people CAN definitely do that... But only if you value them for more than just that purpose. It's all that loving yourself first thing. I'm much more satisfied and filled by the friendships I have now, than the ones I had a couple of years ago. That's because I'm not constantly looking for people who can make me feel better about myself. I now have friends that love and respect me for the person I am, regardless of what other people think of me.

You've got those kinds of friends too... look aroundhttp://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/spezial/Fool/hug.gif

[Link]

Originally posted by pixiness
Don't get me wrong... other people CAN definitely do that... But only if you value them for more than just that purpose. It's all that loving yourself first thing. I'm much more satisfied and filled by the friendships I have now, than the ones I had a couple of years ago. That's because I'm not constantly looking for people who can make me feel better about myself. I now have friends that love and respect me for the person I am, regardless of what other people think of me.

Exactly..

[JBond]

Originally posted by pixiness
You've got those kinds of friends too... look around

:) thanks

[Link]

I really have no idea how to describe myself anymore..I'm so wrapped up in different things that I don't even know myself..I mean..how much I evolved these years at CS really surprise me..

Emotions, have taken over my actions..Surprise? Sure, I might have been a bit moody before but now I'm out of control..I do have some problems going on..And being lonely sometimes really kills me..It pisses me off but I try to ignore it...Usually things like this happen one day and then are forgotten the next..But these problems are really sticking now..And my emotions are taking over..Meh

[pixiness]

I know it sounds cliche and trite to say everyone gets lonely... but I think it's the truth. We're all here for you.

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by pixiness
I know it sounds cliche and trite to say everyone gets lonely... but I think it's the truth. We're all here for you.
I agree! everybody feels lonely at somepoint in their lives, but the truth is nobody realy is! there is always someone to talk to if you want to, look at this place and the stuff people like myself have spoken about, that they wouldn't talk to anyone else about! CS! it's an institution!

[Longshanks]

I figure that, since war is only a few hours away, this thread would probably be useful too?

If I wasn't depressed before I certainly am now :(

[Elizabeth]

I think somebody needs a cookie... *Liz hands LS a cookie* The whole idea of us being in war very soon isn't a comforting thought at all. It kinda makes me sick just to think about it.

[smokiechimp]

Can I have a cookie? PLEASE, PLEASE!!!

I'm sad with the war and everything kicking off but I'm realy glad I don't know anyone directley whos there!

[Kris Hodgson]

I've got some pot brownies, if you want those...They always cheer me up ;)

[smokiechimp]

Hell Yea!!! *Thankfully takes a Pot Brownie* Cheers Kris

I remember When I was the head pizza chef at one of my old jobs I agreed to put Marajuana on a friends Pizza, When I opened the oven door I was nearly knocked out by the fumes from the Pizza!!!!! That cheered me up no end:D

[Kris Hodgson]

I put magic mushrooms on a buddy's pizza when I worked at McDonald's. I wouldn't let him eat it in the restaurant though. He had to take it out. Didn't want him trippin in Micky D's.

[smokiechimp]

LOL:D I never dabble in illegal substances although I have often shown curiosity towards it. If it was offered to me I probably would have a go!

[Kris Hodgson]

I'll send you a care package ;)

[smokiechimp]

Cool!

My address is:

999 Jail Street
Police Town
Donotpassgoshire
England

Cheers man!:applaud:

[Kris Hodgson]

I've never been to Police Town. Is it nice? :D

[smokiechimp]

Not realy, It's a rough area full of pot heads and junkies!:D

[Knerys]

Originally posted by Longshanks
I figure that, since war is only a few hours away, this thread would probably be useful too?

If I wasn't depressed before I certainly am now :( I feel more anxious than depressed really. I just sad it come to this. Now comes the real test.:(

[Tardumb]

Shoot me now, someone.

[todd philip]

i only got a sling shot! ;) :p

[Tardumb]

Well, I appreciate the attempt...

[Link]

Originally posted by Knerys
I feel more anxious than depressed really. I just sad it come to this. Now comes the real test.:(

..I really wish we didn't have to resort to War..and what's happening..But there's nothing else we really could've done..We tried no-war and matters just didn't work out...I guess we just have to hope for the best..

[Elizabeth]

I totally agree with you, Link and Knerys. Also, anybody that wants cookies can have them (that includes you, smokie!).

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Knerys
I feel more anxious than depressed really. I just sad it come to this. Now comes the real test.:(


I think, as a nation, we have already failed the real test.

[Elizabeth]

It does seem like intimidation works to conquer us and it seems like so many of us take the bait. I'm not "scared" in the sense that I might get nuked at any minute, I'm just thinking of all the innocent people that will be killed and the soldiers that are over there that I know personally. *sigh*

[Knerys]

Originally posted by Empusae
I think, as a nation, we have already failed the real test. How so?

[pixiness]

The real test of greatness is someone who can resolve a conflict without the use of force.

(I think that's actually in "The Art of War" by Sun-Tzu)

[Knerys]

Yep it is.

But that's a difficult test to master if the other side won't listen.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Knerys
Yep it is.

But that's a difficult test to master if the other side won't listen.

Yup - it certainly is :(

[Knerys]

*sigh* War sucks....:(

[smokiechimp]

Is it just me or do all the Iraqi generals look like Jac Chirac with moustaches??????

14 soldiers lost so far:(

Americans should be banned from using any type of vehical in any war, unless it's a scooter or something! (Then again they could probably crash that as well):(

[Knerys]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
Is it just me or do all the Iraqi generals look like Jac Chirac with moustaches??????

14 soldiers lost so far:(

Americans should be banned from using any type of vehical in any war, unless it's a scooter or something! (Then again they could probably crash that as well):( Accidents always happen. It's not do the the training or the vehciles. They just happen.

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Knerys
Accidents always happen. It's not do the the training or the vehciles. They just happen.

I know I was just being a Goof!!

Although the two Americans killed in action wasn't an accident and as that British Admiral put it "Casualties are a main feature of war":(

[Knerys]

Sadly yes. And I didn't mean to sound brash heh. Too much CNN....:(

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Knerys
Sadly yes. And I didn't mean to sound brash heh. Too much CNN....:(

Thats ok, I know what you where saying.

I'm fed up now of seeing repeats of the same missiles fired from the same ships on the news over and over again, but I'm finding it realy hard to turn it off!

[Knerys]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
Thats ok, I know what you where saying.

I'm fed up now of seeing repeats of the same missiles fired from the same ships on the news over and over again, but I'm finding it realy hard to turn it off! I went to a movie heh. That helped.

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Knerys
I went to a movie heh. That helped.

I've got a 15,000 word assignment due in on wednesday, so far I've done 0,000 words, so I'm might as well give up and be depressed by the news!

[Knerys]

on what?

[smokiechimp]

E-business and E-business stratagies.

Basically it's an investigation into how effective online marketing is and what stratagies are available on the web that are not in traditional stores, Also I have to create a business plan for a website using these stratagies. I'm going for a Music and DVD site, I have a few good ideas!

Very interesting but also very dull at the same time!:D

[Knerys]

*stares blnkly ahead* yeeeeeeessssss.......

;)

[smokiechimp]

Hey you don't have to write the god damn thing!!!:p

[Knerys]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
Hey you don't have to write the god damn thing!!!:p Thankfully!:p

[smokiechimp]

OK, now I just feel worse! We should rename this the I can make you more depressed thread!:rolleyes:

[Knerys]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
OK, now I just feel worse! We should rename this the I can make you more depressed thread!:rolleyes: Awww If I truely understood any of what you said it was I'd help but this site is the limit of my e-business. ;)

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Knerys
Awww If I truely understood any of what you said it was I'd help but this site is the limit of my e-business. ;)

If truely I understood what I just said, I would feel better;) I'm getting on with it now and It's going alright!

[Knerys]

Originally posted by smokiechimp
If truely I understood what I just said, I would feel better;) I'm getting on with it now and It's going alright! Good to hear.

[smokiechimp]

Wahey! 3,000 words to go, I'm gonna meet my dedline. YIPEEEEE!:D

[Fletcher]

Hey Longshanks, sorry to hear about all your trouble. :(

If it's any consolation, I went through similar issues, and am still trying to fight my way out of this *****. I don't really want to go into much detail on an open forum, but it's enough to say I can sympathise with you mate.

If you want to talk to a fellow englishman, it might do us both good!

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Fletcher
Hey Longshanks, sorry to hear about all your trouble. :(

If it's any consolation, I went through similar issues, and am still trying to fight my way out of this *****. I don't really want to go into much detail on an open forum, but it's enough to say I can sympathise with you mate.

If you want to talk to a fellow englishman, it might do us both good!

Hi Fletch - thanks for the empathy. ;)

Pretty much ok for now, still taking the medication :rolleyes: but it does seem to take the edge off things when they occassionally get a little 'black' - don't plan to be on them forever, but probably a few more months just to be safe.

Sorry you're going through the same thing, there's a lot of us about it seems :(

If you feel you can't talk openly then feel free to PM - but you'll find you get a lot of support here, they're pretty good people on the whole *looks over shoulder for Frizzo* - except for the clown, never talk to the clown ok?

Anyway, good to have another Englishman on board :D

PS: Hey same birthday! (and you've been around here almost as long as me...so you already know about the clown...)

[smokiechimp]

OK, so I'm fealing realy bad today. My brother is realy getting me down. For some reason he loves to put me down because of the type of person I am, He goes out every night and gets absoloutley trashed out of his face spending all his wages on alcohol and then comes home at 2-3am in the morning and wakes me up with his drunken stuper telling me to f**k off for no reason.

The main thing that I hate him for is the fact that he always says I'm sad and I have no life because I don't do what he does, I don't drink ften and never go out to get drunk, I only have a couple of close friends because I decided to do my own thing and go off to college instead of staying behind at sixthform (Basically it's just an extra year at school) I know alot of people to talk to and I am a generally talkative person, but my prother shatters all my confidence and makes me feal, well, like I want to die:(

A few months ago I got in from a late shift at work and got to sleap around about 2:30am my brother then woke me up at 3:30 by turning the tv on in our room, I went back to sleep only to wake up again at 4:00 this time he had fallen asleep infront of it and the tv was blaring out, I pulled the plug out and went back to sleep then I was woken at 5:30 because he set his alarm when he was drunk and he didn't even have to be up after all that I had to get up at 8:00 to go back to work. I went off my rocker at him and I left home!!!

I've never mentioned this to anyone before but here goes I'm gonna bite the bullit. I went to where I work in a complete mess, they told me I could stay there I f I wanted (luckily I work at a Hotel) anyway two nights in and my parents hadn't even contacted me or the hotel to see how I was and I was getting realy upset:( I went into the bathroom on the third night with my razor and began cutting my left wrist, just as I cut my wrist my mobile bleeped and I went to look, It was my sister she was realy worried about me and wanted me to come home, she was upset and realy missed me, My sister is 15, I am 19 and my brother is 22.

I went home that night and talked to my sister for about 6 hours, I never realised she could be so mature!:)

My family will never know I nearly did what I did and I NEVER want my sister to know what she stopped me from doing, I just want her to know that I love her very much!!!

I'm still low after what happened but I realise your life is just that YOURS and knowone has the right to take it away from you or change it for you. I hate my brother with a passion but we still share a bedroom and I might just snap one day and do something I regret!!!!:(

[pixiness]

Just because they're your family doesn't mean they're allowed to be complete and total jerks.

Question for you... Do colleges there have dorms? Could you move into one? If so, I think you should. Give yourself some distance from the situation and let yourself experience the positive sides of life. There's nothing wrong with telling your family (or friends for that matter) that you don't think they're any good for you. (Just don't say that to EVERYONE you know).

It's been my experience that a few close friends are better than a hundred "not-good-for-you friends." Friendship is in the quality, not the quantity. After all - look at your brother - if he's got such a great life why does he feel the need to put you down? If that's the only way he can feel better about himself, then maybe his life's not the bed of roses he pretends it is.

I'm glad you didn't do anything drastic, but if you seriously think you may do so in the future, please find someone you can talk to - a professional preferably, but even a trusted friend if nothing else. Don't let other people tell you you're not a good person, okay? You know yourself better than anyone - so how can they judge you?

::: big hug :::

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by Longshanks
Hi Fletch - thanks for the empathy. ;)

Pretty much ok for now, still taking the medication :rolleyes: but it does seem to take the edge off things when they occassionally get a little 'black' - don't plan to be on them forever, but probably a few more months just to be safe.

Sorry you're going through the same thing, there's a lot of us about it seems :(

If you feel you can't talk openly then feel free to PM - but you'll find you get a lot of support here, they're pretty good people on the whole *looks over shoulder for Frizzo* - except for the clown, never talk to the clown ok?

Anyway, good to have another Englishman on board :D

PS: Hey same birthday! (and you've been around here almost as long as me...so you already know about the clown...) Hey!! Quiet you!;) And for the record, the Clown is very good to talk to. :p

[Rogue]

Ah yes, depression..my old friend. Still got it..still fighting it..

[Longshanks]

...and still winning hon.

Chimp - sounds to me like you and your brother have cabin fever - not surprised with 2 of you having to share a bedroom (that and he sounds like he has problems of his own). Definitely try to sort out some space of your own asap if possible, you've got to give yourself some breathing space, what about your friends, if they're of a similar age then what are the chances of maybe renting somewhere together? (not quite clear if you're still at college or not - if so then what about putting up a notice or asking around to see if there are others you can share with?)

Your sister sounds great though, and age isn't always an indication of maturity.

Frizzo - OK, I'm sure you are safe to talk to...mostly harmless ;) (I'm only joking mate - despite your best efforts I have a lot of respect for you - but don't think it means we're getting married or anything ok? :p )

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by Longshanks

Frizzo - OK, I'm sure you are safe to talk to...mostly harmless ;) (I'm only joking mate - despite your best efforts I have a lot of respect for you - but don't think it means we're getting married or anything ok? :p ) Yeah yeah..I knew you were kidding. But....we're not getting married or anything? Why couldn't you have told me this earlier? I already told my parents..we've started making out invitations..I don't know what to do now!

[pixiness]

And I was supposed to be the flower girl... DAMMIT!

[JBond]

Originally posted by pixiness
And I was supposed to be the flower girl... DAMMIT!

Hey that was promised to me!

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown
Yeah yeah..I knew you were kidding. But....we're not getting married or anything? Why couldn't you have told me this earlier? I already told my parents..we've started making out invitations..I don't know what to do now!

Yeah - sorry, I guess I just got cold feet...it's just that...well...you haven't got what I'm really looking for in a life partner...ok, I know you have breasts and everything, and that trick you do with the sticking tape is almost convincing, but....well....it's the hair man...and the rubber chicken...and the midgets. I just don't think I want my 'special night' to be shared by the midgets man. I know we talked about this and everything, but...well, I've met somebody else...and it's a real 'she' this time.......sorry......... But hell, we can still sell the presents and split the proceeds?

[JBond]

Originally posted by Longshanks
But hell, we can still sell the presents and split the proceeds?

Hell no, I want my blender back!

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by Longshanks
Yeah - sorry, I guess I just got cold feet...it's just that...well...you haven't got what I'm really looking for in a life partner...ok, I know you have breasts and everything, and that trick you do with the sticking tape is almost convincing, but....well....it's the hair man...and the rubber chicken...and the midgets. I just don't think I want my 'special night' to be shared by the midgets man. I know we talked about this and everything, but...well, I've met somebody else...and it's a real 'she' this time.......sorry......... But hell, we can still sell the presents and split the proceeds? You break my heart, destroy my dreams, and the only thing you want to do is sell the presents and split the money? Welll..okay.

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by JBond
Hell no, I want my blender back!

Errr, Frizzo borrowed it and took it off somewhere private for a while - I don't really think you'll be wanting it back...

[Frizzo the Clown]

Originally posted by Longshanks
Errr, Frizzo borrowed it and took it off somewhere private for a while - I don't really think you'll be wanting it back... Hey..it was nothing like that. It was nothing sick or perverted at all. I just made daquiris. Thats all. Of course, then I smeared the daquiris all over my body and howled at the moon...but thats not so unusual.

[JBond]

Originally posted by Longshanks
Errr, Frizzo borrowed it and took it off somewhere private for a while - I don't really think you'll be wanting it back...

Well ok....then I get TyRoss' Crock Pot

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown
Hey..it was nothing like that. It was nothing sick or perverted at all. I just made daquiris. Thats all. Of course, then I smeared the daquiris all over my body and howled at the moon...but thats not so unusual.

And you wonder why we're not getting hitched?

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by JBond
Well ok....then I get TyRoss' Crock Pot

He borrowed that too...I think it's full.

[pixiness]

You told me that's why you two fell in love in the first place... Is that what it's come down to now? LIES... between friends? LIES?

[Longshanks]

...I feel a bunny-boiling coming on any minute now ;)

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by pixiness
Question for you... Do colleges there have dorms? Could you move into one? If so, I think you should. Give yourself some distance from the situation and let yourself experience the positive sides of life. There's nothing wrong with telling your family (or friends for that matter) that you don't think they're any good for you. (Just don't say that to EVERYONE you know).

::: big hug :::

No, colleges in America are a bit like our Universities in England, Unis have dorms but colleges are like an extension of school realy!! I do realy want to tell my dad, him and I are like best buddies and I have told him everything apart from the BAD part, I just don't want to upset him are for him to think that I'm a bit warped or something!!! As for my friends, I honestley don't think they will understand me, One's brother is like his best mate and they get on like a house on fire and my other friend and his sister do loads together and have a good time!!! That just isn't me and my brother!


Originally posted by Longshanks
Chimp - sounds to me like you and your brother have cabin fever - not surprised with 2 of you having to share a bedroom (that and he sounds like he has problems of his own). Definitely try to sort out some space of your own asap if possible, you've got to give yourself some breathing space, what about your friends, if they're of a similar age then what are the chances of maybe renting somewhere together? (not quite clear if you're still at college or not - if so then what about putting up a notice or asking around to see if there are others you can share with?)

Your sister sounds great though, and age isn't always an indication of maturity.

Yes, we have been sharing the same room now for neigh on 15 years now and I do want to move but I am a material person I have a tv a computer a stereo and nearly 300 cd's and of course a new car where as my brother has Jack s**t apart from a rusty old calibra and a pocket full of beer money!!! He could move if he wanted but he finds it easy at home, he doesn't cook clean or help out in any way and he loves it, where as I have recently just bought a new with my hard earned cash that I have saved up and I just can't afford to move out!!!

I realy need a holiday, I haven't been away for 3 years now but my friends don't want to go anywhere and haven't the money ( which is a bit of a kop out) I am planning a trip to Toronto next year on my own though because I love the place!!!

Thanks for the concern guys you all ROCK!!!!:applaud:

I can feel the love in this room!!

[Longshanks]

It's just one big love-in here :)

I guess it's all a matter of priorities, personally my own priority would be to find a place of my own, if you're earning enough to save for a new car and a possible holiday then maybe you should consider channeling your money into funding a small place of your own - it may not be much for a first place and I don't know what part of the country you're in (ie: and expensive part or a more affordable part), but even if you're just renting it will be a start.

Scary if you've been living under the same family roof for all your life, but definitely a move worth considering my friend.

Good luck chimp.

LS

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Longshanks
It's just one big love-in here :)

I guess it's all a matter of priorities, personally my own priority would be to find a place of my own, if you're earning enough to save for a new car and a possible holiday then maybe you should consider channeling your money into funding a small place of your own - it may not be much for a first place and I don't know what part of the country you're in (ie: and expensive part or a more affordable part), but even if you're just renting it will be a start.

Scary if you've been living under the same family roof for all your life, but definitely a move worth considering my friend.

Good luck chimp.

LS

I have been thinking of it for a while now but I do kinda have my plans laid out. I don't want to live in yorkshire all my life and I am looking at my job prospects throughout the country and even Canada, so I do have an escape plan. I think I could maybe do with moving into a managerial position in a hotel that is live-in, that would be ideal but I f I do find descent employment when I go to visit Toronto well, maybe I might just move out there!!

I'v lived in the 8,000 populated town of Hornsea for 20 years now and I'm getting a bit tired of the place!:rolleyes:

Thankyou for the well wishes mate!

[Longshanks]

Aye - it's grim oop north ;)

It sounds like you've got a plan in your head so go for it, I'll stop worrying about you now - good luck with the hotelier business.

All part of the service, the invoice's in the post ;)

[smokiechimp]

Originally posted by Longshanks
Aye - it's grim oop north ;)

It sounds like you've got a plan in your head so go for it, I'll stop worrying about you now - good luck with the hotelier business.

All part of the service, the invoice's in the post ;)

Cheers Doc!!!:) I'm here for anyone else too!

[Longshanks]

Next. :D

[Kyle Katarn]

Oy....my sister in law has major depression...I dunno if it's post-partum or what, but from things she's told me, I'm about afraid to leave her alone with my new nephew...

This creates a conflict in that she does NOT want to be alone AT ALL, due to her instability - while I want to be alone most all the time due to mine! :p

[Rogue]

Post-partum depression can be very dangerous..I hope she comes out of it.

[Citizen Kane]

I've dealt with what could be called depression before. There's never a real cause for it, though. Like today, for example. Earlier this evening I was really wistful and sad, and I had no idea why. I think a lot of it can be loneliness. :(

[smokiechimp]

Thankfully I haven't had much reason to post here recently! but CK I know exactly what you mean!:(

[Elizabeth]

Sometimes I tend to be emotional when I don't know why.

[Link]

I get depressed very simply, I'm too emotional on things and can get very dramatic. Heh, it was a sign of loneliness or no self-esteem. Heh..:(

[Oj]

A lot of people think I'm depressed because I'm almost always doing stuff by myself... but I just like being alone most of the time. It gives me much more peace of mind than hanging out with friends.

[dr_evil]

yes of coarse i am depressed i mean

i am a 15 year old that cant turn his neck all the way so i probally wont be able to drive for a few more years:(
i dont have any friends
and i live in a small house with my hyperactive brother that has hearing problems and my mom which is a person that can jeep her mouth shut

:( :( :(

[Iben]

Originally posted by dr_evil
yes of coarse i am depressed i mean

i am a 15 year old that cant turn his neck all the way so i probally wont be able to drive for a few more years:(
i dont have any friends
and i live in a small house with my hyperactive brother that has hearing problems and my mom which is a person that can jeep her mouth shut

:( :( :( :(

[Empusae]

Originally posted by dr_evil
yes of coarse i am depressed i mean

i am a 15 year old that cant turn his neck all the way so i probally wont be able to drive for a few more years:(
i dont have any friends
and i live in a small house with my hyperactive brother that has hearing problems and my mom which is a person that can jeep her mouth shut

:( :( :(

Even as bleak as all that there is still hope.

[Link]

Originally posted by Oj
A lot of people think I'm depressed because I'm almost always doing stuff by myself... but I just like being alone most of the time. It gives me much more peace of mind than hanging out with friends.

I close up on everybody, I just don't know what to say to anybody. I think it's best like that. Though their are some people I trust, it just hurts them when I do open up. :( It's something bad to suffer with..

Sorry to hear about your ordeal evil.

[CapricornDevil]

I was diagnosed with depression a few years back, and was put on Zoloft in order to counteract it. This came about from a lifetime growing up with a depressed father (I inherited the predisposition toward depression from him), having very few friends, and having to deal with the pain and agony of coming out of the closet to my family. Anyone who has ever had to tell their family that they are gay, knows the exruciating pain associated with it. Due to all of this, I was horribly depressed and suicidal. I attempted suicide at one point and if it weren't for a very close friend of mine, I wouldn't be here. Depression is a scary thing. It is like going through your life in a constant dense fog, never knowing where the end of it is. I am happy to say now that my depressed days are few and far between, but they do happen.

To those of you with depression....I know what it is like, and always rest assured that it will get better.

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by Link
I get depressed very simply, I'm too emotional on things and can get very dramatic. Heh, it was a sign of loneliness or no self-esteem. Heh..:(
I can relate to that...

[Snake Spirit]

Originally posted by Longshanks
There are a lot of classic symptoms including loss of self esteem and disturbed sleep patterns, just type in 'depression' into any search engine and you'll get a pretty standard list of about 10-15 potential symptoms depending on how bad it is.

But I think a lot of people either think they must have 'depression' because they feel depressed or don't realise they have 'depression' and just feel low (which is what happened to me). Considering how many people it effects, most of us are pretty uninformed about what it actually entails, I know I was until last week.

Hi Longshanks, I think I can help you here w\this one.

I've been treated for depression w\anxiety
for about 8 years now, and still take medication.

I suffer from 'bipolar disorder,' or more commonly known as manic depression,and there's nothing funny about it at all. My type of depression REQUIRES medication, and I will need it the rest of my life.

My symptoms range from being in a sad slump
and feeling eternally hopeless, to outright rage and uncontrollable anger (of course the anger part could have been avoided if all the *******s and perfect people in school didn't make me their peronal whipping post for years because we weren't as affluent as the other people in our neighborhood.)

People with depression are not 'crazy' or 'loonies' or whatever-it's the people who make fun of them that ARE. Depression is a recognized MAJOR medical condition, and millions of people suffer from it, as well as the social complications and misundertstandings that arise from it, which magnify the condition tenfold.

Not to mention the alienation of family and friends who don't understand, and the resulting confusion and anger that accomapnies that part of it, as well as the old tried and true formula of people making you think it's all YOUR fault for being the way you are when it ISN'T.

I'm not going into detail about my life and how it caused me to be depressed, because the threads not about that, but this is just to give you some general background and to let you know I am one of the afflicted.

I hope you get better Longshanks, and know that while you're out there trying to sup up your milk and enjoy your life, so am I, every day of my life. And one day, things WILL be better for us. Talk to you soon, mate. :)

SS

[Snake Spirit]

Originally posted by Snake Spirit
Hi Longshanks, I think I can help you here w\this one.

I've been treated for depression w\anxiety
for about 8 years now, and still take medication.

I suffer from 'bipolar disorder,' or more commonly known as manic depression,and there's nothing funny about it at all. My type of depression REQUIRES medication, and I will need it the rest of my life.

My symptoms range from being in a sad slump
and feeling eternally hopeless, to outright rage and uncontrollable anger (of course the anger part could have been avoided if all the *******s and perfect people in school didn't make me their personal whipping post for years because we weren't as affluent as the other people in our neighborhood.)

People with depression are not 'crazy' or 'loonies' or whatever-it's the people who make fun of them that ARE. Depression is a recognized MAJOR medical condition, and millions of people suffer from it, as well as the social complications and misundertstandings that arise from it, which magnify the condition tenfold.

Not to mention the alienation of family and friends who don't understand, and the resulting confusion and anger that accomapnies that part of it, as well as the old tried and true formula of people making you think it's all YOUR fault for being the way you are when it ISN'T.

I'm not going into detail about my life and how it caused me to be depressed, because the threads not about that, but this is just to give you some general background and to let you know I am one of the afflicted.

I hope you get better Longshanks, and know that while you're out there trying to sup up your milk and enjoy your life, so am I, every day of my life. And one day, things WILL be better for us. Talk to you soon, mate. :)

SS

[Snake Spirit]

I posted a reply, and then I QUOTED my reply by accident.....someone shoot me for that, will ya'???

D-OH!!! :eek:

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Snake Spirit
Hi Longshanks, I think I can help you here w\this one.

I've been treated for depression w\anxiety
for about 8 years now, and still take medication.

I suffer from 'bipolar disorder,' or more commonly known as manic depression,and there's nothing funny about it at all. My type of depression REQUIRES medication, and I will need it the rest of my life.

My symptoms range from being in a sad slump
and feeling eternally hopeless, to outright rage and uncontrollable anger (of course the anger part could have been avoided if all the *******s and perfect people in school didn't make me their peronal whipping post for years because we weren't as affluent as the other people in our neighborhood.)

People with depression are not 'crazy' or 'loonies' or whatever-it's the people who make fun of them that ARE. Depression is a recognized MAJOR medical condition, and millions of people suffer from it, as well as the social complications and misundertstandings that arise from it, which magnify the condition tenfold.

Not to mention the alienation of family and friends who don't understand, and the resulting confusion and anger that accomapnies that part of it, as well as the old tried and true formula of people making you think it's all YOUR fault for being the way you are when it ISN'T.

I'm not going into detail about my life and how it caused me to be depressed, because the threads not about that, but this is just to give you some general background and to let you know I am one of the afflicted.

I hope you get better Longshanks, and know that while you're out there trying to sup up your milk and enjoy your life, so am I, every day of my life. And one day, things WILL be better for us. Talk to you soon, mate. :)

SS



Very well put.

[Snake Spirit]

Thanks Empusae,. :)
I put a lot of thought into it, and it was like 3 in the morning when I did it. Usually I write a book when it comes to things, but I do it that way to show everyone that I have a fair deal of knowledge on something, and because I don't want to come off as half assed.

But don't worry, even as we speak, I am perfecting a formula that will allow me to get my points across in a minimum of words, with maximum semantic value. Now if you'll excuse me, it's back to the lab....:p

[IdahoMR2man]

Depression - Been There?

Nope can't say that I have. Is that in Iowa?

[Longshanks]

Originally posted by Snake Spirit
Hi Longshanks, I think I can help you here w\this one.
.........

I hope you get better Longshanks, and know that while you're out there trying to sup up your milk and enjoy your life, so am I, every day of my life. And one day, things WILL be better for us. Talk to you soon, mate. :)

SS

Cheers Snake, a fair few months have passed since that post, and I'm definitely on the mend - still on the medication, but probably only for another for months. Feeling pretty chilled at present (although a weekend in Amsterdam just gone may have something to do with that?).

Sorry you're a fellow sufferer mate - there's a lot of us around when you start asking - crap in one way that there ARE so many of us, but good in another way that it's NOT just you.

Life is going well for me, the whole 'Ex' thing is well over and done with, work is fantastic, the councelling seems to be working, I've got 3 horror films to work on and I've met a wonderful woman - what could be lacking? :D

next time I'm over in the States I'll drop by and we can have a pint together, talk about the 70's and discuss Horror films (but maybe lay off the politics :p ;) )

take care Snake

LS

[sabin26]

I've been told I'm bipolar, went and found out I wasn't medically bipolar but I do suffer from chronic depression

[Snake Spirit]

VERY cool, Shanks'! you got a deal. Come on over anyday. Only make sure it's non alcoholic stuff because I'm a non drinker. I'm a Snapple-holic :eek:

And yeah, it is nice to know it's not just YOU or I that suffers, that somewhere out there there's someone else on the same path that knows all the bumps in the road. Makes it a bit more bearable.

Amsterdam, huh?
I've never been to Amsterdam but I hear the stories-my in laws went to Amsterdam and Belgium, and my mother in law made the mistake of wearing red shoes, which is a sign of an experienced prostitute. She had all these guys of different ages whistling at her and making 'suggestions' and all, and she was completely embarrassed, LOL

Good to hear your life is on track-I wish you nothing but the best mugs of ale and the biggest baskets of fish and chips money can buy. Take care and see ya' round!

SS

[Empusae]

Originally posted by Snake Spirit
Thanks Empusae,. :)
I put a lot of thought into it, and it was like 3 in the morning when I did it. Usually I write a book when it comes to things, but I do it that way to show everyone that I have a fair deal of knowledge on something, and because I don't want to come off as half assed.

But don't worry, even as we speak, I am perfecting a formula that will allow me to get my points across in a minimum of words, with maximum semantic value. Now if you'll excuse me, it's back to the lab....:p


Take your time and take what space you want or need.

Your welcome to both here.

[Longshanks]

Just thought I'd let everyone here who's posted or expressed their own concerns or struggles with the bloody dark fog that is clinical depression, that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm in the process of coming off my medication now - almost a year after I started.

I'm coming off nice...and...slowly, just like the doc's suggest - no rush, no flinging the pack into the bin and crying "Huzzah! I'm cured!' - I've seen what happens when you stop dead. Bad things and a rapid slide back. Not planning on going back there though.

It's taken a long while, and the support of some very good friends. It's taken the love of a beautiful young woman who's helping give me back the confidence in myself that I lost from my previous relationship, and constantly helps to reassure me that 41 isn't the arse end of middle aged decrepitude as some of you may suspect :p

It's taken a lot of effort on my part too - and will continue to do so. Hopefully I'm more aware of the danger signs of that slow slide having been down there once before. Hopefully my 'scar' as I like to call it, is a nifty little warning trigger for me now (I've developed a 'tic' in my left eyelid, not enough to be seen - thankfully! - but irritating enough that I know when it kicks off, I'm either too tired or too stressed and should take moves to chill out for a while).

Oh yes, and I have a fantastic CD collection of chillout music now :D - thank you Ibiza! :D

Anyway - I know that there are some of us here, young and old(er) that have issues with depression, and I just wanted you to know that if you make the first move to see a professional and discuss the problem, there IS a route you can take to kick it. Don't feel like medication is a defeat like I did at first - making the acknowledgement to yourself that you need help is one of the most positive things you can do for yourself.

Believe me. It's true.

Thanks to everyone who's written with words of support or stories of their own that helped me realise that I wasn't the only one out there who felt the way I did - as some of you know, it can be an isolating experience.

There is light at the end of every tunnel - you've just got to make the decision to head for it.

Regards

Shanks ;)

[minusbfold]

Let me see if anyone can help me here... I was with my girl for little more than a year.. and we broke up about month ago and got right back together.. she told me she just needed some time to think and stuff and now everyting is great... or atleast i thought... on sat right b4 i was about to go out we was talking on the phone and she seemed reall,y sad and i finally got her to talk about it she told me that she did not want to be with anyone right now and she wasnt cheating on me or anyting like that.. just wants to be friends with me... she feels she loves me but not as much as i love her and its not fair to me... I love this girl with all my heart and i dont want to not be with her but i really have no choice... i talked to her again on sunday and i said i just wanted to come over and get my stuff and maybe sit down and talk and she told me just to give it time and we will talk.. and im thinking to myself.. why do we need to talk if all we are gonna do is not get back together.. cause she doesnt want to be with anyone .. whats there to talk about.. So in other words ive been real depressed since then.. but at the same time i feel kinda good almost like there is a weight lifted off my shoulders of some kinda and i cant explain it.. its like im in love with her but yet i feel good knowing im not with her if that makes any sence at all... if someone out there has ever gone trhough this some advice would be good .. and if not.. its all good to :)

[Longshanks]

Sounds to me like the worry and uncertainity of your relationship was outweighing or at least competing with the feelings you had for her.

Sometimes loving someone can hurt like a mad bastard if things aren't going well, sometimes it hurts less to just let it go.

Maybe that's what you're feeling?

[LadyFireFly]

I have been depressed at different stages of my life. The worst would have to be the time right after I dropped out of college, which was also shortly after 9/11. I was a complete train wreck and I practically hit rock bottom. Wasted pretty much a year of my life. But ever since then, my life has been a lot better. I appreciate life more and I have more faith in myself and what I can accomplish. My heart really does go out to anyone who feels depressed during any stage of their lives, because it can seriously be the worst feeling in the world.

[minusbfold]

I just feel compleatly lost... its almost like i want her to call me and tell me there is no chance we will ever get back together just so i know and i can move on..

[Longshanks]

I can understand that - certainity is easier to deal with than uncertainity.

Maybe you're the one who needs to say to her 'it's over' - she does seem to be calling the shots a bit whilst you hang around - but then I have absolutely no knowledge of the situation other than what you've said.

[minusbfold]

she just seems like she has no idea what she wants in life she basiclly said it wasnt me as much but she was just misrible and un happy with life in general and wanted to be alone for now... whatever that means

[PsychoMike]

Minusbfold, some people just need time to themselves. Not everyone likes to discuss there problems, and instead they like to figure things out for themselves. Alot of then feel that they are a burben if they bother other people with there problems, even loved ones. If this isthe type of person she is then you just need to give her the space she requests. I know it sounds harsh, but not everyone reacts to things the same way.

on a side note: I have to agree with FireFly I too really feel for anyone who is feeling depressed. I also worry about them because sometimes it can go on to long and get to bad.

[minusbfold]

Thanks dude.. You are right she keeps her problems to herself allot.. iom just getting at the point were this is the 2nd time she has done this.. well the first time she did not break up with me but needed some space .. this time she did and said its over but she uses those words "for now" like a week from now when she thinks it coulnt be over... i just almost want it to be over so i dont even have to deal with it anymore... i put to much time an effort into it and being there for her 100% and i feel like im getting nothing out of it anymore..

[JimmyDean]

I was pretty much depressed all throughout the latter part of my HS days and since the start of this year. Luckily, I have a lot of people who supported me and I'm starting to get myself going again.

*Does happy dance*