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Ser Ty Of Ross
12-05-2007, 12:53 AM
Somewhere in Kansas.............

The white wizard Olorin races down stony steps. Looking fearfully around him as a great booming fills the air, rumbling the very walls. His henchmen flee with him, running into the dimness before them in a desperate attempt to flee whatever lies behind.

The group reaches a large cave, in which a small stony bridge spans over a large Chasm. The booming growing ever louder as the henchmen begin to run over the bridge. Olorin stops one of his henchmen, who seems to be a Ghostbuster of some sort, at the foot of the one small crossing over the endless seeming pit below.

Olorin: Lead them on Kyle, protect the control room, I will hold the bridge.

Kyle Katarn: But sir I...

Olorin: Go now! Proton packs and swords are of no more use here.

Taking a longing look at the wizard as if wondring when they might meet again, Kyle turns and runs across the narrow pathway. Not being to help stopping and turning back at the stairs beyond. Unable to turn his eyes away as the great booming noise grows ever closer.

Olorin takes up position on the crossing. His staff held at the ready in one hand, and a Wiimote in the other, as with one final boom a great pillar of fire erupts from the passageway he just came from. The flame engulfs much of the chamber before evaporating away, leaving behind thick clouds of foul smelling smoke.

The thing that emerged from that smoke to face the white wizard was one that had struck fear into many the hearts of men. It seemed it had flames for hair above it's pasty white face. It's clothing had made the entire "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" cast throw up their hands and give up. It's countenance renknowned and yet infamous around the world.

It was indeed..... a clown.

Or more specifically Frizzo D Clown: Hitman For Hire.

With a smirk on his face that had unnerved the stoutest of men he rummaged in his bag o' tricks (patent pending). Pulling forth from that very same bag his weapon.........

a match.

Frizzo held the match to his @$$ and with a great and mighty boom fire filled the chamber once more. this time when the smoke cleared another figure strode into the chamber. This one with a golden sheen about his person and a bottle of scotch in one hand, with the other waving in front of his face.

TyRoss: Christ Frizzo..... that's it you are never having Taco Bell again. The smell is bad enough but constantly stopping to light them... we could have caught him 10 minutes ago you know.

Frizzo: What's your point?

TyRoss: Whats my poi..... never mind... you know what just never mind. Lets just get back to work.

The two heroes turned to face Olorin, defiantly standing on the bridge. Frizzo ready with pie in hand.

Frizzo: Look... Hobbit breath... why don't you just give it up now. You've already made me run and I really hate running. So lets just leave the physical exertion for another day and you can just come quietly with me. It's not like this crazy time portal scheme of yours would have worked anyways.

Olorin: I am the keeper of the fires of Angnor, the weilder of the Wiimote of Barad-dur and you shall go no further!

Frizzo: Yeah ok Gollum bait, there's another thing.... This Lord of the Rings obsession, it isn't healthy. I mean here you had a nice high-tech base and what do you do?? Cover it with stone to recreate Moria. I mean really you couldn't find something better to spend your money on? And where the heck did you even find an underground chamber in Kansas????

Olorin: Oh yeah... well..... at least I don't have... red hair.

Frizzo: Ooooooh I see some things never change. Is that the best you can come up with you spineless Dumbledore knock-off?

Olorin: Well you're a.... a clown.

Frizzo: Yes.... yes i am a clown... I think we all know that. Now why don't you just give up now you scum-sucking son of a albino pylon before I have to throw this pie at you.

Olorin: You're dark pies will not avail you. You shall not pass.

Frizzo: Ah crap..... I guess this means more excersize.

Frizzo rushes Olorin with pie in hand. But as the Clown is about to strike Olorin makes a deft flick with his Wiimote and the pie impacts harmly as if on a glowing blue shield. The force of the blow knocks Frizzo backwards, and Olorin staggers as the pie eats through the shield like acid.... well actually it is acid so that would make sense.

TyRoss seizes the opportunity, leaping into the air he forms a blade of the golden energy he wields. As he begins to decend upon the white wizard, Olorin stands tall raising his arms together above him.

Olorin: YOU SHALL NOT, PASS!!!!!!!!!

With a crack Olorin hits the staff with the Wiimote upon the bridge, the stone strucure first cracks, then crumbles as Ty lands upon it. Losing his footing he begins to tumbel into the darkness below. But as Olorin turns away a golden thread rises from the inky blackness. Wrapping around the wizards foot it quickly pulls him towards the edge of the pit. As he scrambles to try and regain a handhold Olorin catches the eye of Kyle, still watching from the stairway.

Olorin: Fly you fo..... ah hell.... lets face it... I'm screwed.

As the two titans fade tumbling into the Darkness, one man.... well.... one Clown watches the two fall into an unknown fate.

(Frizzo is leafing through a porn mag)

AHEM!!!!! I said..... One Clown watched the two fall into an unknown fate.

Frizzo: Huh???? Oh... right. (coughs) TY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Ah man that sounded like a bad Vader impersination. Let me try that again.... TY!!!!! NO!!!!!

Frizzo watches as long as he is able to keep his limited attention span on one thing besides porn. But as he turns away he has the uneasy feeling that this may not be over.....

Frizzo: Well yeah.... otherwise there wouldn't really be much of a story to this fic woudl there.... duh.

Well um... yes.... Anyways, with sadness and vengeance in his heart... and toxic burrito gasses in his butt. Frizzo turns, wondering where he goes next.

- TBC

Frizzo the Clown
12-05-2007, 06:19 AM
I like stories about me. It boosts my ego.

Olorin
12-05-2007, 11:09 AM
You know, if we battled in real life... there would be a lot of kung fu and my quips would burn worse than your gonorrhea, Frizzo.

I know you didn't exactly start it, but hell... we're arch-nemeses, right?

Nice job, Ser Ty. I hope you have a choreographed bit where I fight you all the way to the depths of Middle-Earth, yes, even below Melkor's firey bosom in Utumno.

(I do this for comedic effect, self-effacing ubernerdiness. Do not judge me, hot women of the world...)

Frizzo the Clown
12-05-2007, 11:55 AM
You know, if we battled in real life... there would be a lot of kung fu and my quips would burn worse than your gonorrhea, Frizzo.

I know you didn't exactly start it, but hell... we're arch-nemeses, right?

Nice job, Ser Ty. I hope you have a choreographed bit where I fight you all the way to the depths of Middle-Earth, yes, even below Melkor's firey bosom in Utumno.

(I do this for comedic effect, self-effacing ubernerdiness. Do not judge me, hot women of the world...)
I dunno...my gonorrhea burns pretty bad...

JBond
12-05-2007, 10:09 PM
This would be a good time to post the "Frizzo the Clown: The Enigma" video that Olorin made.........I'm not going to do it though, it's not online.

Citizen Kane
12-06-2007, 01:09 AM
Then why did you tell us about it? :(

Frizzo the Clown
12-06-2007, 06:24 AM
Then why did you tell us about it? :(
Because he can sometimes be kind of a dick. :P

JBond
12-06-2007, 02:00 PM
I'll post it if Olorin and Ty want me to. ;)

Kyle Katarn
12-13-2007, 10:14 PM
Hooray, I've been gone forever and a day, and I STILL get a role! :D

Ser Ty Of Ross
12-20-2007, 08:50 AM
New chapter up asap (maybe tonight if I'm lucky).

In the meantime.... enjoy this road sign.

http://www.subatomicglue.com/blog/data/1147884008/gandalf-sign.jpg

Ser Ty Of Ross
12-20-2007, 11:00 PM
Weeks have passed as Frizzo walks into the Hitman for Hire headquarters. Cleverly disguised as a Starbucks in the heart of downtown Houston. So realistic that it actually was a Starbucks. Ok... so hard times had fallen on the Hitman for Hire team and the office had been confiscated and since no-one wanted to go to Frizzo's place or let Frizzo into their place it was the best solution.

As he walked in he saw his team. At a table sat a girl with a southern style and the daisy dukes to match, a man sipping at a latte with a worm in it, a man in a wheelchair, a man studiously pouring over a small piece of equipment, and a monkey man muching on banana bread. Then at the counter an altercation seemed to be happening between a man in a tuxedo and the barista.

JBond: This is a latte I wnated a macchiato.

k_b: Sorry JBond, but still it has steamed milk and espresso... whats the difference? Same ingredients.

JBond: With a macchiato you put the espesso in last, not first.

k_b: Riiiiiiiiight... so the difference would be?

JBond smacks k_b with a backhand.

JBond: I don't even know why we put up with you as our barista. Give me one good reason not to get you fired.

k_b: Because me working here lets the team use this place as a headquarters?

Jbond: Ok... ummmm... 2 good reasons give me 2 good reasons....

Frizzo: Hey gang.... I have some bad news.

Frizzo pauses for dramatic effect as everyone turns to look at him. He pauses long enough that JBond comes up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head.

Frizzo: Ty..... Ty's gone.

Rogue: We know that sugah, you called us with the info last week.

Skink: Yeah.... so really, where the hell have you been anyways? Doesn't take a week to get here from Kansas.

Frizzo: Oh...... right.... ummmmmmmm............... I was.... catching up on my......... correspondance.....

Tardumb: Clown boy write???

Frizzo: Well no... it was more.... oral correspondance.

JBond: So you went to the P&H again?

Frizzo: Well.... yeah that's another way of putting it.

JBond: How much did you spend this time.

Frizzo: Oh you know.... some.... not much... well not many bills anyways.

Doomsday: What kind of bills?

Frizzo: I think they had a president on them.

Doomsday: Which president?

Frizzo: The one with the glasses.

Doomsday: Franklin?

Frizzo: No... Frizzo.

Doomsday: No I mean Ben Franklin.

Frizzo: No I Ben Frizzo all my life.

JBond: Ok so suffice to say you spent too much again. I don't think the treasury can hold up to it.

Skink: Actually I don't know where he got the money in the first place. I thought we were already out, that's why we took the Olorin job. Well that and Clowny over there has a hate on for him.

Frizzo: Well... I mighta collected first.

Skink: So you spent all the Olorin money.

Frizzo: Maybe... hey I was in grief I lost a friend.

k_b: Does this mean I still have to work here?

Frizzo backhands k_b

Frizzo: You'll work here until I say you don't have to work here.

Rogue: So were you in grief the other 20 times you went there this month??

Frizzo: Maybe.... I have a lot of friends.

JBond: No you don't.

Frizzo: Well... the imaginary ones kept dying off.

Doomsday: Well despite this engaging argument the fact is we have a problem. As in we have no money.

Tardumb: Tardumb no need money, Tardumb live in wild, eat banana and bugs. Mainly banana.

Skink: Hey if you can find free bananas in Houston be my guest but I think we need to find some new jobs. Then again ever since Frizoo disappeared it's been too quiet. Not enough work for intrepid adventurer hitmen.

JBond: And to think I gave up a government job for this.

Rogue: Maybe we need to diversify, anyone have any new buisness ideas?

Frizzo: Topless car wash?

Rogue: Being the only female here sugah I don't think a one girl topless car wash is going to go over.

Frizzo: I'd go though.

JBond: Me too

Skink: Ditto

Domsday: I'm in

k_b: I'll go through twice.

Rogue: Yes but none of you have any money remember.

The man examining the small device finally pokes his head up.

TeCH: So Frizzo what did you find out about the time portal?

Frizzo: Time portal?

TeCH: Yes... the one you stopped Olorin from using??

Frizzo: Ohhhhhhh, that time portal. Ummmm.... it was.... broken.

TeCH: Then why didn't you question his henchmen.

Frizzo: Henchmen?

JBond: You didn't capture the henchmen? Do you realise what kind of plot device you've left open here???

Frizzo: A big one???

Skink: A money making one??

JBond: Both, we can go use the time portal to make money by betting on sports events and playing the lottery. If the henchmen haven't destroyed it.

Doomsday: How Back to the Future of us.

JBond: Ok well we can make it into a kind of Dinosaur safari then.

Doomsday: A Sound of Thunder

JBond: We can use it to find out more about archaeological digs?

Doomsday: Timeline

JBond: Save the hunchback whales?

Doomsday: Star Trek IV.

JBond: Find your legs to beat you with a bloody pulp with them if you don't shut up?

Doomsday: ..... gotta be a Tarantino film.

Frizzo: Well that settles it then. If there's cash involved... or porn... or sex.... or midgets... or making porn sex with midgets for cash... we're there. BACK TO KANSAS!!!!!

Doomsday: Wizard of Oz.

k_b: And I can finally get out from behind this counter. And back to being an adventurer. If I can get the time off, let me ask my manager.

As k_b runs to the back to get his manager the others all leave. k_b runs back out to find a middle aged man standing at the counter.

k_b: What The?! Where'd they go.

Steve_from_Indy: They left. They said to give you somethign though.

k_b: Really? What?

Steve backhands k_b across the back of the head.

k_b: Ah.... HEY GUYS WAIT UP!!!!!!

TBC

Frizzo the Clown
12-21-2007, 06:53 AM
I think I just peed myself from laughing too hard.


Upon further inpsection, I've discovered that I've peed myself for no good reason. Still funny though.

Knerys
12-22-2007, 12:29 PM
Clever. ;)

I like. Keep going.

Tardumb
01-06-2008, 06:32 PM
Sweet! I play an illiterate, ape-like guy with horrible ideas and bad grammar....

You're good, you.

Rogue
01-06-2008, 07:54 PM
Holy hell... you're back. :) Good to see you.

Ser Ty Of Ross
01-07-2008, 09:07 AM
Ther will be a slight pause in updates as my comp is currently on the fritz. Ironically it happened while I was working on this and I lost about 45 minutes worth of writing.

Update will be done asap.

Tardumb
01-08-2008, 08:27 PM
Holy hell... you're back. :) Good to see you.
"I'm NOT back!"

Joking.. ;) Nice to see you around as well.

Ser Ty Of Ross
01-08-2008, 11:00 PM
INTERLUDE: Back in Kansas, 1 week ago

Frizzo rushes Olorin with pie in hand. But as the Clown is about to strike Olorin makes a deft flick with his Wiimote and the pie impacts harmly as if on a glowing blue shield. The force of the blow knocks Frizzo backwards, and Olorin staggers as the pie eats through the shield like acid.... well actually it is acid so that would make sense.

TyRoss seizes the opportunity, leaping into the air he forms a blade of the golden energy he wields. As he begins to decend upon the white wizard, Olorin stands tall raising his arms together above him.

Olorin: YOU SHALL NOT, PASS!!!!!!!!!

With a crack Olorin hits the staff with the Wiimote upon the bridge, the stone strucure first cracks, then crumbles as Ty lands upon it. Losing his footing he begins to tumbel into the darkness below. But as Olorin turns away a golden thread rises from the inky blackness. Wrapping around the wizards foot it quickly pulls him towards the edge of the pit. As he scrambles to try and regain a handhold Olorin catches the eye of Kyle, still watching from the stairway.

Olorin: Fly you fo..... ah hell.... lets face it... I'm screwed.

As the two titans fade tumbling into the Darkness, this time we follow them.

Olorin goes into somewhat of a dive as he grabs his wiimote. Below him the form of Ty glowing through the inky blackness begins to steady his tumble.

Ty: You know if the water at the end of this fall sobers me up I'm going to kick your hiney.

Olorin: Hiney? Who the hell says hiney anymore.

Ty: It's a family board.

Olorin: Besides who says there's water at the end of this? Maybe I didn't put water down there.

Ty: Stands to reason you would with your obsession and all. Besides you're way too calm to be falling to your death.

Olorin: Good point.

Ty: I'm glad someone recognizes a good point when they hear it. Man if you only knew the number of times I've heard the line "What's your point".

Olorin: That bad huh?

Ty: Well it's a little aggrivating after a while... I mean here you're trying to say something important and all you get is "What's your point".

Olorin: Well if you like there's always room for someone of your considerable talents in orginizations like mine. The pay is actually pretty good and you'd be surprised at how good it feels to get out a nice evil laugh once in a while. You should try it.

Ty: Well there's the whole evil thing, it's just not me you know. Sense of honor and all that jazz.

Olorin: Yeah that really messes it up. The benefits are great though, sure you wont change your mind.

Ty: Nah thanks anyways, someones got to uphold the good ideals around here and lord knows Frizzo can be borderline at the best of times.

Olorin: True 'dat.

The two float down in silence for a few moments.

Ty: So how deep is this thing anyways??

Olorin: Ohhhh I'd say deep enough.

Ty: Deep enough for what??

Olorin: Deep enough for us to probobly have a nice little fight scene if you like.

Ty: I suppose we should... it is one of those things you just kind of expect in a situation like this.

Olorin: I woudl think so...... SOBERIS YOUUPUS

Ty's light suddenly goes out, only a small glow from a lit fart shows the two.

Ty: Sonofa.... how'd you do that.

Olorin: Been saving that one up.

Ty: I bet you have, now I have to reach my spare damn you.... here.

Ty throws the now empty bottle of scotch he was holding at Olorin, hitting him in the forehead. He quickly tries to reach into his pack for another bottle but Olorin is upon him. The two begin trading blows, man to man, fist to fist. The two titans tussle tenaciously tumbling together towards total twilight in a fit of alliteration. As the two are locked in a grapple a strange look comes over Olorins face. Like he's suddenly realized something.

Olorin: Wait wait... we don't have to do this. Two civilized being like ourselves we can certainly find an easier way to solve our differences.

Confused Ty relinquishes his grip even as Olorin does.

Ty: We can?

Olorin: Yeah..... I've still got powers.

A bolt of blinding blue light sears through the darkness from Olorin's hands Striking Ty full in the chest and sending him crashing into the pit wall. As he emerges tumbling from the rubble with stones cascading around him Olorin laughs, an evil laugh.

Olorin: See you should try it... feels good.

Finally seperated from the wizard Ty begins reaching into his pack for his spare bottle of scotch. Even as Olorin begins an intricate incantation, waving his Wiimote through the air.

Finally grabbing the bottle Ty rips off the stopper with his teeth. Olorin's voice and gestures with the Wiimote become louder and more intricate.

Ty drains the entire bottle in one long draught. Olorins hands are beginning to glow as his voice is almost shouting now.

Ty's golden glow is coming back, he tenses up ready to strike. Olorin points the Wiimote at Ty the blue energy begining to concentrate around the strange device.

Ty starts a blitzkreig towards Olorin, leaving behind a golden streak. Olorin's hand and the Wiimote are barely visable as the blue light around his hand reaches near spotlight levels. Olorin shouts one final word...........


and both combatants dissapear.





TBC

Frizzo the Clown
01-09-2008, 06:29 AM
Great, except for one detail...

Not enough Clown. ;) :clown:

Rogue
01-10-2008, 12:29 AM
Good stuff. Keep it up.

Ser Ty Of Ross
03-13-2009, 12:56 AM
Hmmmmm I totlaly forgot about this..... anyone (besides the obvious Frizzo) want to see more?? I'll have to find my notes though.

Frizzo the Clown
03-13-2009, 09:52 AM
OOooooo me! ME! ME!

*waves hand around in the air wildly*

Oh...a bit obvious, eh?