FilmJerk
02-03-2006, 01:37 PM
>
> SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
>
> Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
>
> "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
>
> "Social Security sex?"
>
> "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> LOUD SEX:
>
> A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor.
> Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
> splitting yell."
>
> "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
the
> problem is."
>
> "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> QUIET SEX:
>
> Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
> during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
> have an orgasm?"
>
> She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> CONFOUNDED SEX
>
> A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
> from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
> back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
it
> was considered cosmetic.
>
> The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,
> $14,000 for "large."
>
> The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
> to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
>
> The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The
doctor
> came back into the room and found the man looking dejected.
>
> "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
>
> The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
>
> A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding
> anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> that reads: Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
>
> "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:
> Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> WOMEN'S HUMOR
>
> My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make
you
> happy tonight."
>
> He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
> doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> SEX AND FLYING
>
> One night a 87 y/o woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 y/o husband
in
> bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off
the
> balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment ... killing him
> instantly.
>
> Brought before the court on a charge of murder, the judge asked her if she
> had anything to say in her defense.
>
> She began coolly, "Yes, your honor .... I figured that, at 92, if he could
> have sex he could fly!"
> SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
>
> Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
>
> "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
>
> "Social Security sex?"
>
> "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> LOUD SEX:
>
> A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor.
> Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
> splitting yell."
>
> "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
the
> problem is."
>
> "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> QUIET SEX:
>
> Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
> during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
> have an orgasm?"
>
> She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> CONFOUNDED SEX
>
> A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
> from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
> back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
it
> was considered cosmetic.
>
> The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,
> $14,000 for "large."
>
> The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
> to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
>
> The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The
doctor
> came back into the room and found the man looking dejected.
>
> "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
>
> The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
>
> A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding
> anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> that reads: Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
>
> "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:
> Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> WOMEN'S HUMOR
>
> My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make
you
> happy tonight."
>
> He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
> doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> SEX AND FLYING
>
> One night a 87 y/o woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 y/o husband
in
> bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off
the
> balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment ... killing him
> instantly.
>
> Brought before the court on a charge of murder, the judge asked her if she
> had anything to say in her defense.
>
> She began coolly, "Yes, your honor .... I figured that, at 92, if he could
> have sex he could fly!"