Pickup Lines

[JBond]

Thanks to Nilade for the inspiration. In here, post pick up lines. They can be good ones, horrible ones, or just plain hilarious!

BUT!! The rules for the boards still remain and I don't want them to get too vulgar!

"I really like that dress, but I think it'd look better crumpled on my bedroom floor!"

"I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"

"Nice shoes, wanna f**k?"

[beemanbone]

heh. I did an oral report on these one year. My teacher wasn't pleased...

What a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word

I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there

I love this one:
Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?

[JBond]

That last one he posted is a good example of ones we want to avoid.

[beemanbone]

woops. sorry.

[Nilade]

[quote]Originally posted by beemanbone:
<strong>

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word


</strong><hr></blockquote>


That was fricken awesome!!

[Stark]

Perhaps the worst one I ever heard was the old "Heaven must be missing an angel" cheese-o line. I saw a really pissed guy at a nightclub try that one on a really fresh-faced, sweet-looking blonde girl once and he had barely gotten out the first words when she turned around and gave him the most venomous mouthful of bad language I'd ever heard. I nearly fell over.
How about this one for a poor-taste line:
"Hey babe - wanna ****? No? Then why don't you just lie back while I have one?
Sorry JB, I know this one probably trancends bad taste, but well...so do I. :)

[Stark]

Oh, yeah and it might be an idea if Warpedchick nevr got a good look at this topic...I think most of our virtual goolies would be on the chopping block. ;)

[slinger]

I'm a moderator at Coming Soon! Forums.

[JBond]

"Do you have a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants!"

[beemanbone]

"Do you have a keg in your pants, because I'd love to tap that ass!"

[HotBoy]

This is one from an episode of "The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air":

"Girl, I know your feet must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day".

[Darth Prime]

I just thought of one, but I'm not going to say it because I might get banned for awhile.

[Moe Szyslak]

"You don't have to go to Subway to get a footlong."

A guy in my building freshman year used to use that.

[fractal_inversion]

"My face is leaving in five minutes. Be on it."

"You have nice legs. What time do they open?"

Theres this line where you say to a girl "Did it hurt?" and when she says "What?" you say, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
One guy once did this to me, but instead he said "Did it hurt when you fell through the ceiling?" ... I laughed.

[rObix]

hey, baby...ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

[Doomsday]

[quote]Originally posted by rObix:
<strong>hey, baby...ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?</strong><hr></blockquote>

And then you kill them!

[Greengoblin]

Have you heard the latest piece of medical knowledge saying that Sex is a real killer? Do you want to die happy?

[Superman]

Hey babe, look at you will all those curves and me with no brakes.

[Stark]

I'd rather be hanging out of you than a ten-story building.

[rObix]

[quote]Originally posted by Doomsday:
<strong>

And then you kill them!</strong><hr></blockquote>

well, duh...you know my penchant for necrophelia..

[Nilade]

"Do you have a quarter on you? I want to call my mom and tell her I've fallen in love."

[Frizzo the Clown]

Hey baby. Wanna see my midget?

You wanna come back to my place? I'm no longer infected.

You're prettier than the bearded lady.

[Malice]

"Do you believe in love at first sight? or should I walk by again!"

[bbf2]

I can't think of anything. At all. Not even a stupid one.

Looks like I'll never get shut down in a bar!

[ 11-18-2001: Message edited by: bbf2 ]</p>

[Ripley]

I'm with all my friends and here r just afew:

1. you got two hundred and six bones in your body do you want another one?

2. mum says i'm always growing but i always grow two inches wheni see you.

well their ok i suppose but the other ones that were posted were better!! :p :p

[Ripley]

ooh ooh I have another one

"Your mum was good last night, are you any better?" :eek:

[beemanbone]

[quote]Originally posted by Ripley:
<strong>"Your mum was good last night, are you any better?" :eek: </strong><hr></blockquote>
Good Lord, that's kind of creepy!

[Superman]

Hey baby, wanna Yank my Doodle?

[NorthAmX15]

Would you like some ice cream with that apple pie?
No? How about a nice, sweet twizzler with them whoppers?

[Nilade]

[quote]Originally posted by NorthAmX15:
<strong>Would you like some ice cream with that apple pie?
No? How about a nice, sweet twizzler with them whoppers?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Heh heh.

[Frizzo the Clown]

Hey honey..can I squirt my seltzer in your face?

Wanna see my "big top"?

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you put out a restraining order agianst me?

[Madness]

Guy walks up, looks at crotch, looks at girl.

"Well it's not gonna just suck itself."

[Agent_87]

...you. me. and your sister, if you have one!

[Nilade]

"I just happen to own the world's most impressive Star Trek memorabilia collection. How about you and I warp on over to my starship and set our phasers to stun?"

[Frizzo the Clown]

I saw you from across the room and I instantly thought, "now theres a girl who looks like she'd put out."

[Ripley]

Now they're good ones. I can't think of any I'm running on empty!!

:( :(

[Ripley]

I've got some:

"I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day"
"Wanna play army, I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me"
"My name is.............. remember it because you'll be screaming it out later"
"**** me if i'm wrong, but is your name Helga?"
:D :D

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Ripley:
<strong>"Wanna play army, I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me"</strong><hr></blockquote>

Hey..I was in the Army..whadda you say? ;)

[quote]Originally posted by Ripley:
<strong>"**** me if i'm wrong, but is your name Helga?"
:D :D </strong><hr></blockquote>
See, with my luck, her name really would be Helga!!

[Ripley]

Name the time and place and I'll be there!
;)

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Ripley:
<strong>Name the time and place and I'll be there!
;) </strong><hr></blockquote>Thursday at the Big Top. The midgets like it rough, so you'll have to sign a waiver, and I hope you have insurance! ;)

[Tash Dziunka]

Hey i may as make my self known to you in here and i am the best friend of Ripley. I have a pick up line for you.

1. My ex-girlfriend used to call me a horse and not because of my long face.

:eek:

[Olorin]

"Hey, guess what? You've just won a once in a lifetime opportunity, yes, that's right! One ride on the world's greatest mantrain!"

"I couldn't think of any good pick-up lines, so I'll be brief: I have male sexual organs, and I want to use them."

"I am writing a paper on why men love sex, and I was wondering if you would mind participating in some research?"
"Hi, I'm Rick. I'm a single white male that loves mountain biking and long walks on a beach. I have a bachelor's degree in medicine, and am currently working for my doctorate. I can appreciate fine wine, and a good shag... hint hint... no, the shag, not the wine."

[Madness]

"You know, I don't usually approach women like this, but today I'm really horny...."

[ 11-20-2001: Message edited by: Madness ]</p>

[Madness]

"B!tch, I gotta gun, get in the fu*kin' car!!!!"

[JBond]

[quote]Originally posted by Madness:
<strong>"B!tch, I gotta gun, get in the fu*kin' car!!!!"</strong><hr></blockquote>

That'd sweep them right off their feet!

[Frizzo the Clown]

"So...are you drunk yet?"

[Chambers]

"Hey, blondie, d'ya know the difference between talking and having sex?"
"No."
"O.K. So let's get to my place and do some talking."


"Excuse me, I am new in this city. Could you show me the way to your house?"

[NorthAmX15]

Would you like to invest in high-risk mutual funds, which pay in strong dividends while increasing your portfolio with me?

Would you like to go to church and pray? Are you Catholic?

[bbf2]

Hey, I forgot my phone number, could I have yours?

[Moe Szyslak]

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you tonight?

You are so hot! Can I see you naked?

[JBond]

[quote]Originally posted by bbf2:
<strong>Hey, I forgot my phone number, could I have yours?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Already said that one!

[Moe Szyslak]

Hi, my name is Mel Gibson. You haven't by any chance seen a dirty dingo dog come through here with my shirt have you?

[NorthAmX15]

Are you a burglar? 'Cause you stole my heart.

Hey, woman, is your a$$ named Rodney King? 'Cause i'd like to beat that a$$ with my little baton.

[ 11-21-2001: Message edited by: NorthAmX15 ]</p>

[Olorin]

[quote]Originally posted by NorthAmX15:
<strong>

[ 11-21-2001: Message edited by: NorthAmX15 ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

Nice one!

[Superman]

[quote]Originally posted by NorthAmX15:
<strong>Are you a burglar? 'Cause you stole my heart.

Hey, woman, is your a$$ named Rodney King? 'Cause i'd like to beat that a$$ with my little baton.

[ 11-21-2001: Message edited by: NorthAmX15 ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

I never heard of that one but I will certainly use it! :D

[Shnatus]

RiPLeY! Its shnatus! (yes u know who it is) i gotta pick up liiiiine!

"I would buy you a drink but i'd get jealous of ths straw ;) "

[Moe Szyslak]

"Hundred bucks says I can rock your world."

[Ripley]

You sicko. Na that's a good one. I bet you could.

[slinger]

[quote]Originally posted by Trinity:
<strong>RiPLeY! Its shnatus! (yes u know who it is) i gotta pick up liiiiine!

"I would buy you a drink but i'd get jealous of ths straw ;) "</strong><hr></blockquote>

Some sort of invasion is going on....

[Darth Prime]

I got ont:
can you help me take off my pants and jacket?

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Darth Prime:
<strong>I got ont:
can you help me take off my pants and jacket?</strong><hr></blockquote>
Let me guess....you're a Blink 182 fan?

[bbf2]

[quote]Originally posted by JBond:
<strong>

Already said that one!</strong><hr></blockquote>

Really? I missed it. I assumed that it wouldn't be there because every other one here is about getting to have sex, not getting phone numbers!

[Olorin]

"Let us make the sex!"

[Moe Szyslak]

"My Johnson is 12 inches long."

Not necessarily a pickup line but it's a good line from PCU. Is that one crossing the line <img src="confused.gif" border="0">

[JBond]

[quote]Originally posted by bbf2:
<strong>

Really? I missed it. I assumed that it wouldn't be there because every other one here is about getting to have sex, not getting phone numbers!</strong><hr></blockquote>

Heh, who ever said the lines were to get sex. They're Pickup Lines as the topic says, they get someone's attention. Besides, it's hard to ask someone for sex if you don't have their telephone number!

[bbf2]

[quote]Originally posted by JBond:
<strong>

Heh, who ever said the lines were to get sex. They're Pickup Lines as the topic says, they get someone's attention. Besides, it's hard to ask someone for sex if you don't have their telephone number!</strong><hr></blockquote>

I know they can be anything, but pretty much the only thing people have posted are things about getting sex immediately . . .

[Moe Szyslak]

Hey, asking if you can have sex is a great ice breaker. Relationships last too long these days, they should be 1 - 2 hours max.

"How much?"

[Shnatus]

[quote]Originally posted by Moe Szyslak:
<strong>Hey, asking if you can have sex is a great ice breaker. Relationships last too long these days, they should be 1 - 2 hours max.

"How much?"</strong><hr></blockquote>

what the flucks that about? doesn't make sense! & if that was a pick up line it was pretty poor

[Olorin]

"When I first laid eyes on you, I went into a massive seizure and later was reccessitated by a crippled orangotang. When I woke, I was in her secret lair, and she was wearing lingerie the same color as her hair. This is an orangotan, awright? Luckily, the second time has gone much smoother, that is, until you beat the living hell out of me for asking for sexual favors."

"Hey there baby, want to recalibrate my joystick? Meanwhile, I could reprogram your motherboard and clean your mouse. Later we could interface with the Windows(tm) shut."

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Olorin:
<strong>"Hey there baby, want to recalibrate my joystick? Meanwhile, I could reprogram your motherboard and clean your mouse. Later we could interface with the Windows(tm) shut."</strong><hr></blockquote>
Damn kid..and you called me a nerd!

[Olorin]

[quote]Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown:
<strong>
Damn kid..and you called me a nerd!</strong><hr></blockquote>

Hey, what can I say? I'm upper middle class!

[Frizzo the Clown]

I'd say you're probably a little higher than that.....

[Olorin]

[quote]Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown:
<strong>I'd say you're probably a little higher than that.....</strong><hr></blockquote>

I thought I was little, you sack of excrement!

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Olorin:
<strong>

I thought I was little, you sack of excrement!</strong><hr></blockquote>
Hey! Watch that language. You should respect your elders. Besides, I'm not a sack of excrement, I'm a plastic bag of feces!

[Olorin]

[quote]Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown:
<strong>Besides, I'm not a sack of excrement, I'm a plastic bag of feces!</strong><hr></blockquote>

Geez, how did I forget that... 'sack of excrement' and 'plastic bag of feces'? They don't even sound similar! I must be going out of my mind or something...

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Olorin:
<strong>

Geez, how did I forget that... 'sack of excrement' and 'plastic bag of feces'? They don't even sound similar! I must be going out of my mind or something...</strong><hr></blockquote>Yeah, I'd say you're definatly losing your mind!

[Ripley]

I don't know whether or not this one has been posted coz i couldn't be botered reading most of them but here it is:

"I believe you are what you eat, and by tomorrow I'll be you."

[Darth Prime]

no, Frizzo, I'm not a fan of Blink 182. I just heard the "pants and jacket" be sai at my school. I have NEVER listened to Blink 182, and I don't think I'll start anytime soon.

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Darth Prime:
<strong>no, Frizzo, I'm not a fan of Blink 182. I just heard the "pants and jacket" be sai at my school. I have NEVER listened to Blink 182, and I don't think I'll start anytime soon.</strong><hr></blockquote>thats very good to hear!!

[Moe Szyslak]

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.


I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

[ 11-22-2001: Message edited by: Moe Szyslak ]</p>

[Stark]

I gotta say, Moe, there's some gold in there brother. You'd get absolutely nowhere with any of them, but at least you'd be able to hold your head up while you get your face slapped.

[Moe Szyslak]

You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!

Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?

Come on baby, sex is like pizza: Even if it's bad, it's still pretty good.

[Darth Prime]

Some of you guys have some pretty good ones. I've alomst lost it on some.

[aeon-death]

I have never said any pickup line in my life so far, but I hope this is going to be a good one. Here it goes...

"I hope you're not a vegetarian, because I got a free foot long just for you."

[bbf2]

Do you people realize that NONE of these pick-up lines will get you laid?

[aeon-death]

[quote]Originally posted by bbf2:
<strong>Do you people realize that NONE of these pick-up lines will get you laid?</strong><hr></blockquote>

I don't care about getting laid.

[Olorin]

[quote]Originally posted by bbf2:
<strong>Do you people realize that NONE of these pick-up lines will get you laid?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Oh well... I wonder what sort of resume you need to become a gigolo. :D

[Shnatus]

[quote]Originally posted by Olorin:
<strong>

Oh well... I wonder what sort of resume you need to become a gigolo. :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

u thinking of becoming 1 Olorin?

[Madness]

[quote]Originally posted by aeon-death:
<strong>

I don't care about getting laid.</strong><hr></blockquote>

You just keep telling yourself that :D ...............

[Olorin]

[quote]Originally posted by Trinity:
<strong>u thinking of becoming 1 Olorin?</strong><hr></blockquote>


Nope, it's against my principles and beliefs, but it makes for an interesting thought.

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by Olorin:
<strong>

Oh well... I wonder what sort of resume you need to become a gigolo. :D </strong><hr></blockquote>
Just take a look at my resume....it would be similar to that!

[Link]

A man is playing golf and then he notices a somewhat attractive lady so he walks up and says,
''Hey wanna see the size of my putter''?

[Superman]

[quote]Originally posted by Link:
<strong>A man is playing golf and then he notices a somewhat attractive lady so he walks up and says,
''Hey wanna see the size of my putter''?</strong><hr></blockquote>

I bet that line gets you all the ladies. :D

[Link]

[quote]Originally posted by Superman:
<strong>

I bet that line gets you all the ladies. :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

:( Yeah it sure does!

[Moe Szyslak]

[quote]Originally posted by bbf2:
<strong>Do you people realize that NONE of these pick-up lines will get you laid?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Actually, two of these lines work. You'll have to try them all in order to find out which ones.

[thebtskink]

"Check your oil?"

[Shnatus]

[quote]Originally posted by thebtskink:
<strong>"Check your oil?"</strong><hr></blockquote>

what the?

[pixiness]

"that outfit is very becoming on you. Of course if I was on you, I'd be coming too."


person 1: "Did it hurt?"

person 2: "did what hurt?"

person 1: "when you fell from heaven, did it hurt?"

&lt;grab the back of the person's shirt and look at the tag&gt;
"Just like I thought.... Made in Heaven."

[JBond]

"Hey, I just hit your car in the parking lot and.......wow you're cute!"

[Olorin]

"Hey, I'm really sorry about this... but I need to flirt with you. I don't know why, but I'm sure it has something to do with beauty and love or something fruity like that."

[Shnatus]

Hey... I'm not Elmo, but you can tickle me all night long ;)

[pixiness]

Nice Stems, can I pollinate your flower?

[Citizen Kane]

I wanna be on you. :p

[JBond]

Let's make some babies.

[Xander]

Originally posted by JBond
Let's make some babies.

Oh yeah that will work. :p :rolleyes:

[JBond]

Hmm? I thought this was a mock-thread.

Since all pick-up lines are a waste of time anyway.