Fear and Loathing in CS!: a fan fiction by Brock S. Landers

[Brock Landers]

Fear and Loathing in CS!


This part become known as Fear and Loathing at CS!, the tale of two posters who go on a psyched out roadtrip involving two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.....they were on their way to cover the hanging of a convicted bannee named Doofy. One was a reporter to cover the event, and the other was his lawyer.

There names were BROCK LANDERS and DR. BALROG(of moria). This is their drugged out tale


Their great, psychadelic freakout tale will begin soon!

[Citizen Kane]

Sweet. :D

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Citizen Kane
Sweet. :D

Knew you'd like the idea ;)

[Kitty]

haha, can't wait for ya to start on this Brock :D

[PlayingGod]

Alcohol + Roadtrip = Fun ..

[PsychoMike]

Brock and Balrog wasted this should be great. ;)

[Diablo23]

cool idea brock, but did you get the idea from Kitty's Fanfiction because you and Barlog were druggies in that fic too

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Diablo23
cool idea brock, but did you get the idea from Kitty's Fanfiction because you and Barlog were druggies in that fic too

Not really, you should read the Community board more often. Me and Balrog are snagged in to that "drugged out teenager" cliche. ;)

[Balrog of Moria]

:hehe: That is awesome Brock

[Brock Landers]

The first "episode" will be up probably tonight, or whenever I get the chance

[Balrog of Moria]

Anytime Brock :hehe:

[Citizen Kane]

Anticipation....Anticipation....is making me wait
(for those who don't know it's a song)

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Balrog of Moria
Anytime Brock :hehe:

I know. I'll have it up TOMMOROW!

(sorry for the delay, schoolwork keeping me grounded)

[PsychoMike]

Forget about school work write the storry.

[Diablo23]

Originally posted by Brock Landers
Not really, you should read the Community board more often. Me and Balrog are snagged in to that "drugged out teenager" cliche. ;)

but i do brock, but i do.. :D

its probably cuz im new... (well not really. new compared to you) and your threads have gone down the pages.. :confused:

[Brock Landers]

Writing it right now....have it up in about an hour. It wont be too long, just an introduction. It'll be just like out of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", but an alternate CS version. :D

[Brock Landers]

CHAPTER 1: the Hitchhiker of Banned



We were somewhere around AICN on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive... .” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to CS! And a voice was screaming: “Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?” Then it was quiet again. My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. “What the hell are you yelling about?” he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. “Never mind,” I said. “It’s your turn to drive.” I hit the brakes and aimed the Great Red Shark toward the shoulder of the highway. No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.

It was me, Brock Landers, and my attorney was one known as Dr. Balrog. We were stoned out of our minds, driving a bright fire-engine red convertible with the top down. The trunk of the car looked like a mobile police narcotics lab. We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.

The desert stretched all around us, and out there I could see Mass crosses signifying the dead. They were the crosses signifying the tombstones of banned members. A huge monument was on the edge of a small hill. My attorney looked up and said, "HOLY JESUS! That's goddamn Jarbacca's cross."

Balrog lifted his quart of Tequila out of the car and poured it out of the car as we rode, signifying his lost homie. "He was a great poster!" screamed my attorney in a drunken stupor. Poor foul, he had no idea how whacked out he looked. "Yeah, but he was fuggin' insane!" I laughed. From the radio belched Dave Matthews talking about grave diggers(Balrog's a choice). The Bats had subsided and were leaving alone, maybe because now I had a .357 Magnum pointed in to the sky like a anti-aircraft gun in London ready for the Nazi's to come.

"HEY! Let's give that boy a lift!"

Balrog pointed to a young man on the side of a highway in a "Cannes Film Festival shirt". He was of average height and long blonde hair. CUT OFF IT'S HEAD AND THE BODY WILL DIE! Why did he look familiar? Out of some weird drug dream this seemed to come. We pulled out, macabre dust hitting him.

"What is your name?"

"CITIZEN KANE! Woooo-e, I've never rode in a convertible before!"

I grinned, admiring the shape of his skull. "well hop in"

*****************

[Balrog of Moria]

:D

[Brock Landers]

Graaaaaaaaaave digger! ;)

[Citizen Kane]

Awesome!

That's really good. :D

[Skinny]

heh heh... good stuff Mr. Landers

[Macbane]

That's awesome, Brock. Can't wait to read more.

[Link]

I really liked reading it Brock. Keep writing..

[Balrog of Moria]

more more more more :D:D:D

[Brock Landers]

Tommorow! Tommorow! Tommorow! ;)

[PsychoMike]

So far so good Brock

[Kitty]

hahaha, great stuff :D

[Brock Landers]

Have the CONTINUATION up tonight, explaining where we're going to our Hitchhiker....:D

[Citizen Kane]

That sounds ominous.

[Brock Landers]

Continuation of FEAR AND LOATHING IN CS!


We drove on for 15 minutes in silence. The Hitchhiker known only a "Kane", was sweating bullets. His shirt looked like an old washrag Nuclear Age wives used to wash the windows. I didn't like the look of him. Would he cut our throats and take our "red Shark" the Manson Family's old home to restart that cult? No. I was panicking. Maybe if I went to the backseat to talk to this boy and calm him down a bit, debrief him on our situation.

With my glass of Rum still in hand I scurried in to the backseat. I thought Kane was about to leap out when I did.

"How ya doing?" I asked with a smile, ciggarete dangling from my lips. My 'attorney', Dr. Balrog, didn't even look back. He just kept his eyes on the road, every few minutes spouting off some gibberish like he was speaking in tongues. The damn Acid was officially beggining to take ahold of his cranium. "I'm doing fine!" said the Hitchhiker nervously.

Just admire the shape of his skull.

"We're on a very IMPORTANT mission," I said, "to find the heart of the posting dream. I myself am a doctor of journalism and my attorney, the driver, is well....uh, my attorney. You see, it all started when we were sitting in the Polo Lounge back in the Community City drinking Tequila with lime wedges. Malice rang us up and said: 'very important message for one 'Raoul Landers'. There is going to be an execution on Saturday morning of one known as Doofy Gilmore. We need someone to cover this out here in Las Modes' and I said: 'Where exactly at in Las Modes?' And all Malice said was: 'The Hall of Moderators, LAS MODES'"

The Hitchhiker known as Kane sat back in his seat and said: "Far out man. Your going to an execution?"

I nodded. "And your coming along for a ride." Kane laughed nervously and said: "really dudes, maybe I don't need a ride!" He started to get up but I grabbed him and put him back down in his seat. By this time the car was parked on the side of the road. "Only a goddamn fool would attempt to go rideless out in this area. This place is a graveyard. Only the dead live out here, and one man who was lost out here when his car broke down. Some say he messed with the wrong people, others say he fell in a ditch and is still there. His name was Frizzo!"

Balrog lifted his drink in the air to a toast. "TO FRIZZO! And may god have mercy on his soul wherever the guy is." We were there on the side of the road, and overhead Buzzards croaked....

[Balrog of Moria]

ROCKTASTIC :D

[Citizen Kane]

Very cool. :D

[Brock Landers]

Glad my 'faithful' readers are enjoying it so far. :)

[PsychoMike]

Cool :cool:

[Kitty]

Originally posted by Brock Landers
Glad my 'faithful' readers are enjoying it so far. :)
of course. if not we wouldnt be responding to this thread..as a matter of fact..why the hell am i responding to this thread anyways? ;) :p

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Kitty
of course. if not we wouldnt be responding to this thread..as a matter of fact..why the hell am i responding to this thread anyways? ;) :p

;)

[Brock Landers]

I'll have the NEXT update tommorow night. I woulda done it today, but I was over at a friend's house watching The Two Towers extended edition! :)

[Balrog of Moria]

Im blazed...Now would be the perfect time :D

[Brock Landers]

Continuation of FEAR AND LOATHING IN CS!

Before I knew it, the Hitchhiker known as Kane was GONE. He wasn't blazed up on acid like we were, it was that he feared that we were gonna chop him up in to little pieces and make cheap tupes out of his skin. Crazy pathetic fool, I tried to talk him out of it: "GET BACK HERE! It's dangerous out there! Buzzards and worms and snakes as big as this car! Haven't you seen the movie Tremors?!" I don't even think he heard me, he was running faster than The Flash!

"And good riddance," snorted Balrog, "that boy was beggining to creep me out, man!" My attorney started up the car and opened up the glovebox. "DAMNIT! Where the fuggin Mescaline?"

I punched the back of his seat. "You drugged up fool, it's in your shirt pocket!" He looked in to his shirt pocket, and sure enough, there it was. The radio played some blasted tune by the Eagles, screaming about a Hotel!"

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night


Chills ran up my spine like metaphorical highways. The sun was going down, and I didn't wanna be out here at night surrounded by backwoods Neo-nazi 'lawmen'. We drove on for a good 15 miles, and on a sign by the highway there was mention of 'food and shelter'. It was risky, but damnit I had the munchies. "Want food?" I asked my attorney. "We gotta get the hell off of this highway. Journey shall commence at dawn, we'll reach Las Modes then!"

My attorney hit the brakes as we crashed in to our parking lot. Hell awaited us....

[Balrog of Moria]

:hehe:

[Kitty]

Originally posted by Balrog of Moria
:hehe:
i agree :D

[Brock Landers]

Glad you both find this story rather amusing. :D

[Skinny]

good stuff Brock... keep it going! Oh, and I like the song by the way... gotta love the Eagles!

[Brock Landers]

continuation

"Oh my god, we're here!"

My attorney crawled out of our Red Shark, completely stoned out of his ****ing mind. He laughed, coughing up spit and bile. Like a madman he seemed. I walked out of thr car, not as stoned. We were in the parking lot of a backwoods roadside Bed and Breakfast. I could smell the sodomy and cheap malt liquor. Sure enough, seated by the entrance was an old black man playing a Banjo.

"EVENING FELLAS!" he shouted to us. I merely nodded and my attorney merely vomited. The old token blackman played his banjo and tipped his hat to us. "Seen any demons outside?" he asked us, a sense of foreboding on his every freakin word.

"What did you say?!" Me and my Attorney leaped in to the air. From the back of the parking lot came the voice of two men. We turned around to see one....wait, TWO fat guys with guitars. One was bald and looked to be in his mid-30's. The other had mussed up black air, resembling my attorney Balrog. "Who are you?" said the token black man.

"We are but weary travellers, but you can me Jack!" said the one with the black hair. And from here on out we call him Jack. "And this here is my brother Kyle!" the fatter, bald one nodded: "Hello" he said. "We are but two weary travellers, we've been walking down this long winding road."

Jack looked to us. "And who are you guys?" The two men looked strangely familiar to me. "Weary travellers the same," I said, and my attorney nodded through his acid face. Jack smiled and shook my hand. "Nice to meet you.....?" Oh, he was asking my name. "My name's Brock, and this grinning fool here is one Balrog, my attorney. What's your guy's story?"

The two pulled out their guitars. "here, let us sing you a song!" said Kyle. And so they did: "Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here, we was hitchhikin' down the very same long and lonesome road. All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road. And he said":

"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul."

And then Jack said: "Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other, and we each said... 'Okay'"

And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his schwumpy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"

'And we said', "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!

Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best mutha****in' song the greatest song in the world.

gee, ooh de flliga goo gee ooga fligoo giggoo ooh fligoo giggoo ge gee oogah
goo gee oogah geegoogegegee, fligoo giggoo,oh flig, oh mama Lucifer

Jack smiled to himself. "And the peculiar thing is this my friends: the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound anything like this song!"

This is just a tribute! You gotta believe me!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, ****! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
[skat]
All right! All right!

.......

"Wow, that was beautiful man." And then Balrog collapsed on the doorstep. We looked rather unprofessional.

[smokiechimp]

Hmmm i sense a little inspiration in there. ;)

:funny:

[Brock Landers]

;)


(but really, me and Balrog thought of adding in D for a while)

[Balrog of Moria]

haha... I just turned on Tribute

[Brock Landers]

HOLY CRAP! I've neglected this story. I'll have the NEXT installment up tommorow.

[Balrog of Moria]

And then there was....darkness

[Brock Landers]

**** folks, I'm sorry. Been EXTREMELY busy lately....probably have up something by monday, since I'll be gone from thursday to sunday night

[J Diddy]

Good Book, Good Film and a good story by you, keep up the good work!!!

[PlayingGod]

Tenacious D is awesome, Great story so far Brock

[Brock Landers]

CONTINUED


I and my attorney Dr. Balrog stepped in to the dimlit lit roadside Inn. Their was few people around, most were outside listening calmly to Tenacious D rock out on Acoustic guitars. "This place is dead!" muttered Dr. Balrog. To anyone else this man would look like a tripped out junkie, but to me he was my arm of the law. All around us was a cache of alcohol, how would we ever keep alive in this place? Last thing we needed were cops swarming over this place like flies on a dead carcass!

"Can I help you?"

The voice came from behind us. Supposedly, this was the propieter of the establishment. Her red hair waved down to the middle of her back, and her smile lit up the room more than 1000 candles ever could. Breathtaking, I tell ya! Beautiful woman Long wavy red hair and Stairway to Heaven playing from an ancient Jukebox. Something about it was....eerily enchanted. I couldn't stop wondering what this beautiful woman was doing in this roadside craphole....and my Attorney drolled and clapped at the sight of her boobs. "MANNERS, YOU BASTARD!" and I slapped him on the back of the head. Goddamnit, I just slapped my attorney. At this moment I had the more brains, but he was smarter than I was when sober.

"Can I help you gentleman?" she said in a seductive voice. The man staring at her boobs didn't seem to faze her. She was all woman. "Yeah....uh..." hiccups from the attorney, "what is your name, pretty lady?"

She giggled and smiled. "Iben, and I run this place. Can I offer you gentlemen drinks?" She could read out minds. It was a good 15 minutes since our last swig of booze. "Yes ma'am," I said, and my attorney clapped. We were in the company of an enchantress, and to this day one of the most beautiful women I had ever met in this sad and twisted journey(so far). It was going to be a long night.

************

[Kyle Katarn]

Why the hell am I bald?! :mad: ;) And who's Jack?
*reads on, realizes the post isn't about HIM, but Tenacious D!* :D

D'oh! :o :funny: Good stuff man!

[Brock Landers]

Originally posted by Kyle Katarn
Why the hell am I bald?! :mad: ;) And who's Jack?
*reads on, realizes the post isn't about HIM, but Tenacious D!* :D

D'oh! :o :funny: Good stuff man!

Glad you like.....Kyle KATARN! ;)

[Brock Landers]

I'll have the next part up tommorow night, probably. After I get home from seeing ROTK for the third time. :D

[Rebecca]

Hey what happened to the story? I was enjoying it...very great BTW.