The Comingsoon Bar Room Brawl!

[slinger]

Slinger lights up a cigar.

slinger: So I could do this.

Smoke detector goes off.

500th POST IN THIS TOPIC

[This message has been edited by slinger (edited 02-18-2001).]

[JBond]

You cheater! You could have put that in one post! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Superman]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
...Ok.

Your contribution goes without recognition.

[Superman]

Ah crap the 500th wasn't a big event in our stories, you Canadians sure know a thing or two about anti-climax.

[thebtskink]

<after slinger lights up cigar>

Computer Voice: Red Alert! Red Alert! Fire! Fire! Commencing auto-surfacing!

Olorin: But there is no fire! And there's a fishing boat directly on top of us!

Slinger: This can't be good.

thebtskink: Can't be GOOD?!? I'll show you what can't be good! <starts fighting slinger>

JBond: How do we regain manual controls, Superman? Superman?

Superman (singing) : Y'all gonna make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here!

JBond: SUPERMAN!!!!

Superman (regaining knowledge of outside world): What? Hey... how did he get here? <points to thebtskink, who is still fighting slinger> I thought we buried him in that ditch!

Olorin: Shhh.... *no, that was George W. Bush* heheheh...

Superman and JBond: Score!!!

JBond: No time for that, Supes. We gotta stop this sub from surfac--ing

<thebtskink throws slinger into a control panel>

Computer Voice: Surfacing... averted...s

Superman, Olorin, and JBond: AHHHHHhhhhhh....

Computer Voice: Self destruct sequence, initiated.

Superman: D'oh!

JBond: I know!

Olorin: nothing.

Superman: Double score!

JBond:We can use Superman's Justice League teammate Wonder-Woman's invisible jet! THERE IT IS!

Olorin: But how did you...?

Superman: I've got x-ray vision, you've got night vision, thebtskink's got tunnel vision, slinger's got no vision, and Jbond's got infrared vision, remember?

Olorin: No.

Superman: Good.

thebtskink: That was convenient.




[This message has been edited by thebtskink (edited 02-18-2001).]

[SuperPie]

WOO-HOO!
504 Posts!

We are confirmed legends of Comingsoon.net!

[HenryJonesJr]

HenryJonesJr walks in and pulls the pin on a grenade. He then throws the grenade into the room and walks out of the Bar. He then watches outside as the bar explodes and kills everyone in it. End of topic.

[Reader]

Originally posted by Superman:
Ah crap the 500th wasn't a big event in our stories, you Canadians sure know a thing or two about anti-climax.

And don't you forget it!

[JBond]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
HenryJonesJr walks in and pulls the pin on a grenade. He then throws the grenade into the room and walks out of the Bar. He then watches outside as the bar explodes and kills everyone in it. End of topic.

Good thing that bar has been long abandoned!

Bwhahahahahaha!!!

[Superman]

Originally posted by thebtskink:
Superman (singing) : Y'all gonna make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here!

[This message has been edited by thebtskink (edited 02-18-2001).][/B]

Hahahaha! Someone is paying attention. By the way that vision stuff was funny stuff man.

[slinger]

slinger:Who said that? I can't see?

Slinger walks around the sub looking for his glasses. The others laugh as he passes by them, constantly.

JBond: Five bucks says it takes him five minutes to find them.

Olorin: Six says he steps on them.

JBond: You're on.

Superman: Where'd he go.

Slinger has stumbled into a new room. He trips on Limited Edition Spock Action Figure from Star Trek III:The Search For Spock. He falls onto a button.

Voice: Nuke deployed.

[JBond]

JBond: Damnit! That Spock will kill us all!!
slinger: Uh...Yeah! It's Spock's fault!
Olorin: Ahhh! We have to get rid of it!

<Olorin franticly pushs a bunch of buttons>

Voice: Temperature raised to 70 degrees
Voice: Left turn signal on
Voice: Ah-CHOOO! Excuse me! Oh sorry, nuke deployed.

<Nuke goes out of the sub and Godzilla eats it and it explodes>

Heroes: Yeah!

<Then Godzilla grows three times his original size from the radiation>

JBond: Ah crap!

[slinger]

slinger: Oh heres my glasses.

Slinger puts his glasses on.

slinger: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??!

Superman: Thats Godzilla!

slinger: No!No! That!

Slinger points to the right.

Superman: Oh thats Olorin having Black Diamond cheese spread and crackers.

[slinger]

We here a flush. Marko Ramius exits the toilet.

Ramius What the hell?

JBond Sean Connery?!

Ramius Sean Connery? I'm Marko Ramius. From what I've seen we have a situation to take care off. Who's in charge?

Before anyone can answer...

Ramius Right then. I'm in charge lads.

[HenryJonesJr]

HenryJonesJr lights a match as sets fire to this topic. He watches it burn and everyone in it crumble to dust. He tries to figure out how this stupid subject made it to 513 posts.

[JBond]

slinger: No, no, NO!!! What's that behind Olorin eating cheesy crackers with...uh...cheese?
Superman: Uh...you mean the wall?!
slinger: WALL!!!: THAT'S what i was thinking of!!
JBond: Uh...can we put slinger in one of the torpedo tubes?!

[SuperPie]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
HenryJonesJr lights a match as sets fire to this topic. He watches it burn and everyone in it crumble to dust. He tries to figure out how this stupid subject made it to 513 posts.
I'm going to eat your brain on a bagle with some Sunny-D (c).

[SuperPie]

And it's 516 posts! Get it right!

[JBond]

Originally posted by SuperPie:
I'm going to eat your brain on a bagle with some Sunny-D (c).



He really will!
And if you don't like the topic, don't go into it! It's very simple!

[HenryJonesJr]

I'd like to see him try it.

This topic is moronic and a waste of space.

[JBond]

First of all, i was kidding about the bagel thing (although I'm not the one who originally said it), and yes, this topic is a little silly. But we were just fooling around, having some fun...try it some time!

[SuperPie]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
I'd like to see him try it.

*Crunch*

[bbf2]

(bbf2 gets mad at Henry's whining and complaining about how stupid this topic is)

(bbf2 straps some dynamite on himself and tackles Henry. After a second, the dynamite explodes, totally obliviating both bbf2 and Henry)

[slinger]

slinger: It was a raisan bagel and a bottle of Sunny D! Then the slither thing. If you are going to do it do it right.

[b]Ramius: Okay, do it right you say?

Ramius takes a pistol and shoots slinger's left leg.

slinger: AHHH! What the hell you crazy old Russian man!!

BLAM!BLAM!

slinger: AHHA!! ****!! YOU RUSSIAN SCOTTISH PRICK!!!

Olorin: Ah geez, one of the bullets went through my jar of Black Diamond™ Cheese Spread!*

Superman: And it also blew a hole in the ladies shower room!

* * - Expect to see a tie in with Black Daimond and the LOTR movies

[Superman]

Superman: If you guys don't behave I'm gonna turn this sub around and go back home!
slinger: You don't even know where the hell we are.
Superman: Sure I do!
JBond: Okay, where?
Superman: Under the sea.
Olorin: AHHH!! Is it 20,000 Leagues!!?? <Hides under blanket>
bbf2: What if we ask Sebastian from the "Little Mermaid" for directions?
Superman: Good idea <Pulls over and rolls down window> Excuse me sir?
JBond: AHH! What the hell are you doing? We're under the sea and your pulling down the window!?
Superman: Don't worry, I can breathe under here just fine. I'm Superman.
Olorin: What about the rest of us?
Superman: <Looks around> Sucks to be you then.
bbf2: At least make it quick... <Starts going under the water>
Superman: <To Sebastian> Hi, yeah I was wondering where we were and if you could tell us if you see a really big lizard around here?
Sebastian: Sure, take a left on... <Godzilla steps on him>
slinger: That couldn't have been good for him.
Superman: Oh *****! <Backs the sub and hits something> Did I hit something?
Olorin: <Looks out through the window> Dude, you ran over Flounder.
JBond: He was the gay one right?

[Superman]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
HenryJonesJr lights a match as sets fire to this topic. He watches it burn and everyone in it crumble to dust. He tries to figure out how this stupid subject made it to 513 posts.

Thanks for the useless input, but nobody is making you read this.

[SuperPie]

...And didn't the first post indicate that none of the 'elite' could be killed?

HenryJonesJr., I think you've had too much to drink...please step outside.

[HenryJonesJr]

Originally posted by Superman:
Thanks for the useless input, but nobody is making you read this.



This whole topic is useless input.

[HenryJonesJr]

Originally posted by SuperPie:
[B]...And didn't the first post indicate that none of the 'elite' could be killed?[B]

What are you guys, 5 years old?

[Superman]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
What are you guys, 5 years old?



If we're 5 then that makes you what, 3 maybe 4 months old?

[JBond]

The fact that you have showed your opinion on this board about 5 times now is even more useless! We heard you the first time!

[JBond]

Oh, and I'm 18, how old are you?

[SuperPie]

Man, if you consider this topic so incredibly inane, then what continues to draw you back to posting here? Just leave!

[JBond]

Listen to SuperDessert!

[Reader]

You got it JBand...Listen to SuperDessert...So Says Radar...

[HenryJonesJr]

Kids.. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

Maybe you young people could find something more productive to talk about instead of wasting your time posting in an imaginary brawl. Go read a book or study, make something of yourselves.

[HenryJonesJr]

Well I'll leave you guys alone and let you get back to playing "make believe".

[JBond]

Bo-ok? Tell me more of this amazing device? Does it come in assorted colors?!

[slinger]

I'll go read a book on how to build bombs.

Does that make you happy, Henry?

You seemed like an alright poster, but now you are rising to the ranks of prisionb*tch and MarvelReader.

Just avoid this topic.

[Superman]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
Kids.. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

Maybe you young people could find something more productive to talk about instead of wasting your time posting in an imaginary brawl. Go read a book or study, make something of yourselves.

Why don't you go study or read instead of wasting your time trying to convince us. Also, what's wrong with having an imagination and making up stories. I think what we're doing is just as good as reading because we're writing these mini stories.

[Olorin]

This forum is starting to flicker and sputter... it needs rejuvenation. Where's Jedi?

[JBond]

Our heroes last left off when the drunken Olorin ran into Flounder, that loveable cartoon character...at least I think that's what happened

JBond: Mmmm!
Jedi Knight: What are you eating?
JBond: Flounder!
Olorin: Uh...Flounder was a cartoon!
JBond: Yeah...and he tastes good too!
Superman: It's best to just ignore Bond when he's acting strange!
JBond: There he is! It's GODZILLA!

<JBond spits cartoon pieces at Olorin>

Olorin: Hey! Say it, don't spray it!

<Superman takes the controls>

Superman: Which way is he!
Jedi Knight: Starboard! Starboard!O

<Superman banks quickly>

Jedi Knight: Or was it port, I could never remember which one is which!
Superman: Uh....

<The sub crashes into Alaska>

JBond: Wow! That just came out of nowhere!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 02-21-2001).]

[slinger]

JBond: Well lets see, well we're out of gas for some reason. No if it sucks here, we're going to have to find a gas station.

Superman: With today's gas prices???! Are you crazy? I can just imagine the price in Alaska.

JBond: Wait! Alaska is full of unused oil! We'll all go looking fo oil!

Olorin: I don't know...

JBond: We can use explosives.

Everyone rushes towards the 'Weapons Room'. Someone is already in there.

[Superman]

bbf2: <Walks out> Okay all done!
Superman: All done?
bbf2: Yeah, with the bathroom.
JBond: That wasn't the bathroom...
Superman: #!$*&! I'm gonna kill you bbf2!
slinger: Ewww, it smells funky in there!
Olorin: Can we still drill for oil?
Superman: <Cracks knuckles> You bet we will.

Later on outside.

slinger: Is it really necessary to use bbf2 as a drill Superman?
Superman: <Pulls bbf2 up> Sorry, couldn't hear you. What did you say?
slinger: Nevermind.
JBond: Ah crap, Olorin tried to take a crap in that igloo and some Eskimo is chasing him. I told that fool that someone might live in there.
Olorin: Geez! Someone help! <Running with pants halfway down>
Superman: I'm not letting him back on the submarine until he wipes.
slinger: <Blows his nose> Oh I'm sorry I used up the last of the toilet paper.
JBond: I'll get the newspaper for Olorin...
Superman: Hey I've hit something!
JBond: <Runs back> What is it?

[HenryJonesJr]

Originally posted by Superman:
Why don't you go study or read instead of wasting your time trying to convince us. Also, what's wrong with having an imagination and making up stories. I think what we're doing is just as good as reading because we're writing these mini stories.


Why should I go study when I actually teach.

I think this topic has gone on long enough.

It always makes me mad to see young people like yourselves wasting time and things like this when you could be doing something constructive. Go outside and get some fresh air and blow the stink off of yourselves.

[JBond]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
Why should I go study when I actually teach.

I suppose you teach Archeology!

[slinger]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:

Why should I go study when I actually teach.

I think this topic has gone on long enough.

It always makes me mad to see young people like yourselves wasting time and things like this when you could be doing something constructive. Go outside and get some fresh air and blow the stink off of yourselves.

Just like a teacher to crush creative expression.

What subject do you teach? Science?

[HenryJonesJr]

Originally posted by slinger:
Just like a teacher to crush creative expression.

What subject do you teach? Science?


No I'm open to creative expression. Not mindless chatter.


I teach common sense. It seems to be a subject that you all are failing.

[Jedi Knight]

Oh...I see how it is.

Henry Jones, I am not going to insult you, tell you you're a five year old, none of that nonsense, I am, instead, going to ask you a simple question:

If you are a teacher, than why don't you encourage the expression of one's imagination?

It seems all geniuses have imagination as the core of their knowledge, not just textbooks and study papers.

So why do push down these people's imaginations? Everyone can express their creativity in different manners.

You--as a teacher--should know this.

Your comments truly sadden me and they show where the level for this generation of human beings is at.

[JBond]

What I can't figure out is why a teacher would care so much about what a few "kids" are doing on a movie message board on their own free time, just for fun!!

Something things not right! :suspicious face:

[slinger]

Just delete any posts he posts in here.
Problem solved.

[Superman]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
Oh...I see how it is.

Henry Jones, I am not going to insult you, tell you you're a five year old, none of that nonsense, I am, instead, going to ask you a simple question:

If you are a teacher, than why don't you encourage the expression of one's imagination?

It seems all geniuses have imagination as the core of their knowledge, not just textbooks and study papers.

So why do push down these people's imaginations? Everyone can express their creativity in different manners.

You--as a teacher--should know this.

Your comments truly sadden me and they show where the level for this generation of human beings is at.

Well said young Jedi! A teacher never tries to hold back a studen't imagination!

[HenryJonesJr]

Originally posted by slinger:
Just delete any posts he posts in here.
Problem solved.




Well wouldn't that be just wonderful. Delete someones posts because they don't agree with what your doing? You can't take away someones freedom of speech.

By the way I've been messing with all of you from the start. I really haven't read a thing in here. It just saw the title and thought it was somewhere to brawl in good clean fun. You guys can say and do what you want I don't care. Acutally I don't have anything against this topic at all. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif

GOTCHA! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

Now look at how many posts your at. Maybe you guys can make it to 600. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif


See ya.

[Superman]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:

Well wouldn't that be just wonderful. Delete someones posts because they don't agree with what your doing? You can't take away someones freedom of speech.

By the way I've been messing with all of you from the start. I really haven't read a thing in here. It just saw the title and thought it was somewhere to brawl in good clean fun. You guys can say and do what you want I don't care. Acutally I don't have anything against this topic at all. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif

GOTCHA! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

Now look at how many posts your at. Maybe you guys can make it to 600. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif


See ya.

And your a teacher, what do you teach? Preschool?

[JBond]

You sounded too...stupid to be a teacher, I knew you were lying, I even posted before I didn't believe you. I doubt anyone believed you were a teacher!

[HenryJonesJr]

No. Im a teacher. I just was pulling your leg about this topic. There's nothing wrong with it and it's really not that bad.

I was TRYING to upset you and it worked.

It was a test. I'm studying Social Behavior and you started a topic about a bar room brawl and then got offended when a real fight occured.

[This message has been edited by HenryJonesJr (edited 02-22-2001).]

[Olorin]

Originally posted by HenryJonesJr:
Maybe you guys can make it to 600. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

Maybe? 600? MAYBE 600?!?

[This message has been edited by Olorin (edited 02-22-2001).]

[slinger]

Hey if I had the power, and you were pissing me off, I would.

Maybe 600?

Aslong as there is a CS!, their will always a Brawl.

Get ready for the St.Patrick's Day George Walker Bush Style Drinking Bash

Coming this March

[Olorin]

Jedi is so lucky that he started this thing...

[JBond]

Originally posted by Superman:
Superman: Hey I've hit something!
JBond: <Runs back> What is it?

Olorin: Oh my god! It's a...A...A-
Jedi Knight: It's a Starbucks!!
Olorin: I was getting to that.
Superman: It's surprising that there is a Starbucks here under water!!
Olorin: No it isn't! Now all they need is one on the moon!
Jedi Knight: Um, where'd JBond go?
Superman: What?! You LOST HIM!?!
Olorin: Oh. There he is!

JBond: Yes. I'll have one of those drinks!...Thank you!

Superman: Yeah, I could use a coffee break myself after all this crap!

<Jedi reads the menu>

Jedi Knight: Let's see, there's
Latte
Cappachino
Cappachino Latte
Mocha Cappachino Latte
Double Mocha Cappachino Mint
Triple Frappachino Latte Deluxe
Moon Rock Surprise

Olorin: Ha! I knew it!!
Superman: Um, those all sound great, but do they have any "coffee"??
Jedi Knight: Uh...doesn't look like it!
Superman: Damn you, Starbucks!
Olorin: Hey, what are you having JBond?
JBond: Oh I'm having a Deluxe Mint Mocha Frappacappachino Latte Grande!
Jedi Knight: Right...

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 02-23-2001).]

[Olorin]

~*WARNING - This post is a change from your usual post! It is semi-drama, semi-comedy. Not farce, not outrageous. A very down to earth script!*~


Superman: What the heck are these little straws for? They don't even reach the bottom of the mug!
Olorin: I think you use them to stir the drink.
Jedi Knight: No man, you get about 3 of 'em, and clump them together. You can drink through a few of them quite effectively. In fact, if you want to have high-power sipping, you can get as many as 9 straws! Really! I've seen it done before!
JBond: No, they've got big straws for sipping. These are for stirring, Jedi.
Jedi Knight: No, dude. Listen to me, ok? Hear me out. Don't you ever find yourself getting pissed at not being able to slurp, because the straw only goes up to level 3 sipping, and shows incompatability with the slurping feature? Eh eh?
Olorin: Um, can't say I have buddy.
Superman: *blink blink blink*
Jedi Knight: Alright, so you can get a huge amount of these little straws and you have complete control over the sip/slurp-ability!
Olorin: You know, this is retarded. I can not believe you can honestly say some of this crap!
Jedi Knight: What? Can't you see my point?
JBond: Come on guys, it's just some straws. Let it go.
Olorin: No, Bond. It's not just about straws. Jedi always does this! He... he's - he's always saying that I am wrong, and - and I can't take it much longer!
Jedi Knight: You're not always wrong.
Olorin: Dammit, Jedi!

*Olorin stomps off into a corner, and sulks in a big overstuffed Starbucks chair. JBond follows him.*

Superman: ... Geez. I could cut the tension with a knife.
Jedi Knight: Am I really that bad? I mean, I was just trying to answer your question.
Superman: Yeah... I know. It's just - well... Olorin has some insecurity issues. You need to be a bit gentler.
Jedi Knight: I wasn't being gent - *interrupted by Supeman*
Superman: I know what you're going to say. Don't get defensive. It's not your fault. Olorin just needs to get some more support around here. Between slinger's mild insult throwing and minor issues with underperforming comedy, the guy doesn't get much love aruond here.
Jedi Knight: ... Ok... I see what you're saying.

*meanwhile over in Olorin's corner*

Olorin: ...
JBond: ... You know... that was... kind of stupid.
Olorin: It's not about the straws. **** the straws. Jedi just needs to get off my back...
JBond: *glances over his shoulder at Jedi* ... He doesn't mean any harm in it. He's just... blind to some peoples emotions. He's a good guy, you just need to let him know sooner when he's accidentally stepping on your toes.
Olorin: You call that accidental? He jumped onto my argument faster than a teenage boy onto a pile of porn.
JBond: He's just trying to spark some conversa - *interrupted*
Olorin: You know, I just don't want to talk about this right now. Can I be alone for a bit?
JBond: ... Yeah... sure.

*JBond goes back over to the other guys*

JBond: He's really stupid... that guy is too emotional for his own good...
Jedi Knight: Or anyone else's for that matter.
JBond: Hey, you don't have the right to throw **** at Olo behind his back. You're the reason he showed us his back in the first place.
Superman: Oh shut up now. We don't need another fight. We're just as bad as he is, Bond. And Olo is no better. He's not exactly the only victim, he just cracked first. Can't we go back to zany hilarity?
Jedi Knight: ...
JBond: ... *sigh* I wish. Olo needs a perker. I wish dubloth was here. He's always got a few Marceau zips or something to keep everyone happy.
Superman: Jedi, maybe you should go talk to him.
Jedi Knight: ... Alright. I'll be right back, guys. I'll bring Olo with me.

*Jedi Knight joins Olorin*

JBond: I hope he doesn't **** things up more than he already has.
Superman: Hey, it's like I said... we're no better.
JBond: Well, Olo was mad at Jedi. I talked to him.
Superman: That's just because Jedi pushed him off the egde, and you know it.
JBond: Oh, I do?
Superman: Now you do.
JBond: ...
Superman: This whole problem is really stupid... how is this supposed to look to newer members of the forums? I mean... here we are, the moderators and we're fighting over some damn straws. This is not good...
JBond: Somehow, I'm sure we'll survive.
Superman: Is it impossible for you to take something seriously?
JBond: Maybe you should ask yourself that question! I've been a Director for a long time, and have handled the position wonderfully, in my humble opinion. What have you done?
Superman: I keep these forums as much in order as you. I never let my emotions dominate me, like our friend Olo. Instead, I respond with something witty, to keep some people from biting each other's heads off.
JBond: Well maybe you should - *interrupted*

*Jedi Knight comes back*

Jedi Knight: Olo's fine.
JBond: You sure?
Jedi Knight: Yeah... let's get something to drink. It's on me tonight.

~*POST-SCRIPT: If it ain't good, tell me. I'll have Bond delete it. I know it would be a strnge addition to the topic, but I wanted to try it. Give me some honest feedback.*~

[thebtskink]

thebtskink: (sobbing in corner) They've all got someone to talk to. All I got is this lousy houseplant. And I can't even raise it right. (eyes twitch) WHAT WAS THAT? I DON'T NEED ANY CARE FROM YOU! (eyes twitch) Oh yeah? Well without me, you'd be dead now! (eyes twitch) REALLY? (eyes twitch) Really. (eyes twitch) WELL I'LL GO ON MY OWN RIGHT NOW! (eyes twitch, he now begs) Please don't leave me.... (eyes twitch) I WON'T (eyes twitch) Lets never fight again... (eyes twitch) AGREED. (thebtskink is now comforted.)

JBond: Uh, should we say something to him?
Superman: Nah. Let's just ignore him like we always do. You still got his moderator application?

JBond: Yep. And he's still none the wiser. (burns application)
JBond and Superman: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[Olorin]

Woohoo! We can work like normal! I just needed a dose of retarded Seventh Heaven-like drama! Looha!

[thebtskink]

Originally posted by Olorin:
Woohoo! We can work like normal! I just needed a dose of retarded Seventh Heaven-like drama! Looha!

errrr......... what?

[Superman]

Superman: <As thebtskink's application burns> Hey should we tell him he checked off "female" instead of "male" on the gender question?
JBond: Nah...
Superman: Wait this was 20 page essay on worms!
thebtskink: Ahhh! You horrible bastards! <Throws houseplant at them>
JBond: Damn, so much for making up.
Superman: <Running away from thebtskink> Hey I think you hurt your girlfriend!
thebtskink: <Running after JBond and Superman> She's not my girlfriend, she's my houseplant! <Picks up the plant kissing it and stroking it> We can still be friends can't we? What's that? Sure we can fool around tonight... <Walks inside his house with his plant>
Olorin: <In the car waiting> So did you get my CD from thebtskink?
Superman: Is that why we went over to his house?

[Superman]

Originally posted by Olorin:
~*WARNING - This post is a change from your usual post! It is semi-drama, semi-comedy. Not farce, not outrageous. A very down to earth script!*~


Superman: What the heck are these little straws for? They don't even reach the bottom of the mug!
Olorin: I think you use them to stir the drink.
Jedi Knight: No man, you get about 3 of 'em, and clump them together. You can drink through a few of them quite effectively. In fact, if you want to have high-power sipping, you can get as many as 9 straws! Really! I've seen it done before!
JBond: No, they've got big straws for sipping. These are for stirring, Jedi.
Jedi Knight: No, dude. Listen to me, ok? Hear me out. Don't you ever find yourself getting pissed at not being able to slurp, because the straw only goes up to level 3 sipping, and shows incompatability with the slurping feature? Eh eh?
Olorin: Um, can't say I have buddy.
Superman: *blink blink blink*
Jedi Knight: Alright, so you can get a huge amount of these little straws and you have complete control over the sip/slurp-ability!
Olorin: You know, this is retarded. I can not believe you can honestly say some of this crap!
Jedi Knight: What? Can't you see my point?
JBond: Come on guys, it's just some straws. Let it go.
Olorin: No, Bond. It's not just about straws. Jedi always does this! He... he's - he's always saying that I am wrong, and - and I can't take it much longer!
Jedi Knight: You're not always wrong.
Olorin: Dammit, Jedi!

*Olorin stomps off into a corner, and sulks in a big overstuffed Starbucks chair. JBond follows him.*

Superman: ... Geez. I could cut the tension with a knife.
Jedi Knight: Am I really that bad? I mean, I was just trying to answer your question.
Superman: Yeah... I know. It's just - well... Olorin has some insecurity issues. You need to be a bit gentler.
Jedi Knight: I wasn't being gent - *interrupted by Supeman*
Superman: I know what you're going to say. Don't get defensive. It's not your fault. Olorin just needs to get some more support around here. Between slinger's mild insult throwing and minor issues with underperforming comedy, the guy doesn't get much love aruond here.
Jedi Knight: ... Ok... I see what you're saying.

*meanwhile over in Olorin's corner*

Olorin: ...
JBond: ... You know... that was... kind of stupid.
Olorin: It's not about the straws. **** the straws. Jedi just needs to get off my back...
JBond: *glances over his shoulder at Jedi* ... He doesn't mean any harm in it. He's just... blind to some peoples emotions. He's a good guy, you just need to let him know sooner when he's accidentally stepping on your toes.
Olorin: You call that accidental? He jumped onto my argument faster than a teenage boy onto a pile of porn.
JBond: He's just trying to spark some conversa - *interrupted*
Olorin: You know, I just don't want to talk about this right now. Can I be alone for a bit?
JBond: ... Yeah... sure.

*JBond goes back over to the other guys*

JBond: He's really stupid... that guy is too emotional for his own good...
Jedi Knight: Or anyone else's for that matter.
JBond: Hey, you don't have the right to throw **** at Olo behind his back. You're the reason he showed us his back in the first place.
Superman: Oh shut up now. We don't need another fight. We're just as bad as he is, Bond. And Olo is no better. He's not exactly the only victim, he just cracked first. Can't we go back to zany hilarity?
Jedi Knight: ...
JBond: ... *sigh* I wish. Olo needs a perker. I wish dubloth was here. He's always got a few Marceau zips or something to keep everyone happy.
Superman: Jedi, maybe you should go talk to him.
Jedi Knight: ... Alright. I'll be right back, guys. I'll bring Olo with me.

*Jedi Knight joins Olorin*

JBond: I hope he doesn't **** things up more than he already has.
Superman: Hey, it's like I said... we're no better.
JBond: Well, Olo was mad at Jedi. I talked to him.
Superman: That's just because Jedi pushed him off the egde, and you know it.
JBond: Oh, I do?
Superman: Now you do.
JBond: ...
Superman: This whole problem is really stupid... how is this supposed to look to newer members of the forums? I mean... here we are, the moderators and we're fighting over some damn straws. This is not good...
JBond: Somehow, I'm sure we'll survive.
Superman: Is it impossible for you to take something seriously?
JBond: Maybe you should ask yourself that question! I've been a Director for a long time, and have handled the position wonderfully, in my humble opinion. What have you done?
Superman: I keep these forums as much in order as you. I never let my emotions dominate me, like our friend Olo. Instead, I respond with something witty, to keep some people from biting each other's heads off.
JBond: Well maybe you should - *interrupted*

*Jedi Knight comes back*

Jedi Knight: Olo's fine.
JBond: You sure?
Jedi Knight: Yeah... let's get something to drink. It's on me tonight.

~*POST-SCRIPT: If it ain't good, tell me. I'll have Bond delete it. I know it would be a strnge addition to the topic, but I wanted to try it. Give me some honest feedback.*~

I liked the dialogue in this, it flowed pretty nicely!

[JBond]

Hey Jedi, how about you post!

[Olorin]

Originally posted by JBond:
Hey Jedi, how about you post!

Yeah, I'd like to see some Old School Bar Room Brawling!

[Superman]

Jedi! Jedi! Jedi! Jedi!

[JBond]

SuperPie works too!

[Jedi Knight]

...Who? Me?

Gee, I'm touched http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif.

HenryJones: Will this topic please just die?!

<Piano then falls and smashes HenryJones>

Jedi: Does that answer your question?

Superman: That was one of the lamest jokes I've heard in 8 pages, Jedi. You're losing your touch.

Jedi: You're doubting my "skills"?

Superman: You betcha!

Jedi: I'm too...tired to fight you, sir...
....I'll let John Travolta do the work for me, since I've just added him to this incredibly dull post.

<Suddenly, a giant John Travolta comes dancing down the street to the tune of "Staying Alive" by the Bee-Gees.

JBond: Oh good Lord...<Slaps forehead>.

John Travolta: Alright! Dig it!<Continues to dance>.

Superman: <Points to JBond> What he said!

Olorin:....

Jedi: What do you mean, '....'?! That would never work!

Olorin: Fine, then...<Grabs a bazooka and starts to fire at John Travolta>.

<Travolta ignores the explosive blasts and begins to moonwalk, causing the structure of the street to pull back, taking to heroes with it>.

Superman: <Grabs onto a fire hydrant> Would someone please turn that music off?!

JBond: With pleasure...<Pulls out a Walter PPK as the 'James Bond Theme' kicks in. He then takes aim at the loudly blazing stereo>. SMILE YOU SON OF AN ELECTRIC WIRE! <Shoots the stereo, which causes it to explode into several enormous pieces, which continue to fly about for several hours>.

<Hours later>.

Superman: Alright, Travolta! I won't allow you to release another film for the rest of your life after this....and that "Battlefield Earth", thing.

Olorin: Wait a minute! What about "Pulp Fiction"?!

Jedi: Ah, yes, "Pulp Fiction"! <Jedi pulls out some shades and a 9mm and begins to fire at Travolta while "Get Around" by "The Beach Boys" plays in the background>.

<Travolta gets hit and falls back into several buildings, causing them to fall>.

As the dust settles, Hillary Clinton steps out silently.

JBond: Thebtskink! Get a picture of that! It's a real-live horse in the middle of a city!

thebtskink: Nah, it's just Hillary Clinton.

JBond: <Shrugs> Oh.

Hillary Clinton: Hey, you people!

Bar Room Brawl Elite: Yes?

Hillary Clinton: You better be able to pay for all of the smashed buildings!

Jedi: As the leader of this group, I must ask...why do you care? You aren't even apart of this city's government.

Hillary Clinton:...Soon enough, I will be. <Grins as the American flag waves in the background>.

RossBond: Okay, this is warped.

Suddenly, Charleton Heston and his NRA tank fall from the sky, crushing Hillary.

Bar Room Brawl Elite: <Shrug>.

[Olorin]

*siiigggghhhh* Still got your classic touch!

[JBond]

<Heston's tank lands on Hillary Clinton so only the bottom of her legs and feet show with her ruby slippers on. Then some eerie music plays and the shoes disappear and her feet shrivel up and slide under the tank>

Jedi Knight: I knew it! She's the wicked witch of the senate!!
Superman: Mr. Heston you saved us!
Charlton Heston: What?! Hey! I'm just here to shoot things! I don't care about your cause!! I couldn't care less if...HEY! LOOK! It's a 300 foot clown!! Yee-ha!! FULL THROTLE!!

<Charlton Heston approachs the clown at 5 mph>

Olorin: Hey look! No problems!

<Travolta is seen wiping himself off after he gets out of the center of a building and stars to dance to Y.M.C.A.>

JBond: Tsk Tsk! Poor Olorin, doesn't realize that there is always something for us to do!

<Jedi Knight evaluates the situation>

Jedi Knight: So Supes, what do you think we should do?
Superman: I think we should help Heston out!

<Jedi peers into the distance to see the 300 foot clown eating Charlton Heston's tank with him in it>

Charlton Heston: Is that all you got you damn, dirty clown!?! <Shoots rounds down the clowns throat>

Jedi Knight: .....no I meant about John Travolta!
Superman: I think we should get him a good role in a movie! It could really help!
Jedi Knight: NO! I meant about his singing!!
Superman: Oh I don't think he has much of a singing career ahead of him, I think he should stick to acting!
Jedi Knight: ARRRGGGGHHHH!! Olorin! JBond! Are you guys going to help me destroy John Travolta!?

<Jedi finds Olorin and JBond playing checkers>

Olorin: King me!

Jedi Knight: ....fine! I'll do it myself!

<Jedi uses a mind trick to float Travolta into telephone wires causing him to burst into millions of colored strands of tinsel>

Superman: Wow! That was unexpected!
Olorin: Yeah! Nothing that weird ever happens around here!

<Olorin then finishes juggling his 6 talking carmel covered starfish and gets into his 32 inch High Definition television set and flys to the airport where he has a part-time job of changing clocks inside of airplanes as they cross over time zones>

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 02-28-2001).]

[JBond]

Superman? Olorin?

[Olorin]

Sorry! I'll get to work on a followup!

[JBond]

Well it's not manditory! Just wanted to bring this to attention. Post when you can, if you can!

(24th page http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/smile.gif)

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-02-2001).]

[Olorin]

I'm working on one right now... don't reply Superman, it's OLORIN'S TURN NOW! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Olorin]

Well, what do we do now? We've taken care of Travolta, and Heston has the clown situation under control.

*in the distance* Damned crazy clown! You aren't even funny! Go back to the cess pool that spawned you! Leave me alone! Hey! Stop that! That tickles! Hoo hoo ha ha ha! Stop! Stop it! Hoo hee hee hoo ha ha ha!!!

Yeah, we've kind of run low on things to do. Have we killed Elton John yet?
[Jedi Knight] No we haven't killed him... yet. [/Jedi Knight]
No, we should leave Elton alone, people would think that we are gay haters. And we don't want 700 thousand gay men standing outside our doors holding signs of protest on our front steps, do we? No.

*in the background* Die you freak of nature! *Flies past Elton John in an airplane, gun turret spraying ammo.*
[Elton John] *in the background* No! I am too young to die! I still need to - auuuuuggggggghhhhh!!! [/Elton John]
*in the background* Hahaha! You're dead, you stupid stupid stupid man! *puts away his semi-automatic Jessica Alba gun.*

I knew putting him on a plane in my last post was a bad idea.
We all make mistakes.
[Jedi Knight] Yeah, for example: Elton John met Olorin. Big mistake. [/Jedi Knight]
[Superman] So... uh... what are we going to do?

*in the background still in the plane* Wheeee! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! LOOHA! Wheeee! *He's doing barrel rolls and nose dives... then he crashes*

[This message has been edited by Olorin (edited 03-02-2001).]

[Superman]

Originally posted by Olorin:
I'm working on one right now... don't reply Superman, it's OLORIN'S TURN NOW! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

I wasn't gonna say nothin', honest! You got nothing on me!

[Superman]

Superman: Great now we're hitman and on our first official job Olorin crashes into the Gap. This can't be good for our rep.
JBond: Rep? We'e responsible for destroying cities, sometimes we do more damage than the villain would've!
bbf2: We get points for trying and that's what counts right?
Superman: Speaking of which how many "trying" points do we have?
JBond: I lost count after 2 trillion.
Olorin: <Steps out of wreckage and gives the finger to everyone running out of the Gap which has caught on fire>
dubloth: Okay everyone pretend you don't know him! <Starts pacing in the background>
Superman: Man now I gotta clean this up <Goes in to help people>
Olorin: Hey JBond did you see me take out Elton John!! Didja?
JBond: Yeah great job, you'll be the target of a lotof gay men.
bbf2: So its like any other day for him.
Superman: Fire's out, no casualties, and an angry mob is waiting for Olorin.
Olorin: So its the usual.
Superman: Yep.
bbf2: What kind of angr mob?
JBond: Teeny boppers who were like totally shopping <Twirls hair and pops gum> And are totally bummed out because now like their slumber party is gonna be a drag!
Superman: Thanks for that disturbing analyzation.
JBond: <Clears throat> No problem.
Olorin: I'm no mob expert but I think its time we RUN!!

[JBond]

Originally posted by Superman:
JBond: Yeah great job, you'll be the target of a lot of gay men.
bbf2: So its like any other day for him.


http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Olorin]

Originally posted by JBond:
http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif


That wasn't funny! So don't laugh!

[Jedi Knight]

He wasn't laughing, he just had one of the most insanely disturbing grins I've ever seen.

[thebtskink]

ROTF LMAO!!! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[thebtskink]

Superman: Go, go, go!!!!!
dubloth: Guys!
Olorin: (holding back thebtskink) There's no time, leave Dubloth behind!
thebtskink: But he's not falling behind! He's right beside you! He's in absolutely no danger!
Olorin: Damn. (Trips dubloth) Now is he?

(The girls are ravaging dubloth. Jbond looks back and see one stomping on dubloth's stomach.)

JBond: I'd say so. (A sadistic grin crosses Olorin's face.)

Superman: (Still running) So what was dubloth trying to warn us about?
thebtskink: AHHH!!!!! (trying to speak but words don't come out) Humminah, humminah! Nyah, Nyah! (points ahead!)
bbf2: Dear God!
Jbond: IT'S RICHARD SIMMONS!!!!!! Superman, save us! Superman?
Superman: (on knees) Hail Mary, mother of grace...
thebtskink: I thought Supes was Jewish.
Olorin: There's a lot of stuff about Superman we don't know...

[Olorin]

Damn... this topic is awesome. A monument to the future.

[Jedi Knight]

Thanks, Olorin (if you aren't being sarcastic).

[Jedi Knight]

(Jedi posts in this topic).

[Olorin]

I wasn't being sarcastic.

[Jedi Knight]

Okay, then.

[Superman]

Right on.

[Jedi Knight]

Solid!

[JBond]

Stop it!

[thebtskink]

Never!

[Superman]

Fritos!

[JBond]

No really. Stop it, this is BRB.

[Jedi Knight]

Gasp! A serious post in the BRB?! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/eek.gif
You should by ashamed, JB http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif.


Anyways, on with the show...


(This post will be like NO OTHER post in the history of 'The Bar Room Brawl'...)

Jedi: Superman, I want you to hit me with all you've got.
Superman: What?
Jedi: Didn't you hear me? I-want-you-to-hit-me-as-hard-as-you-can.
Superman: Why?
Jedi: I don't know...I've never been in a fight, you?
Superman: Well, okay...
Jedi: On second thought, I want all of you to slam me right in the face simultaneously.
Olorin: Are you sure?
Jedi: Gee, I recall answering that question a few sentences ago.
JBond: This is pointless, but...<all of 'the elite' slam Jedi in the face sending him flying to the floor>.
Jedi: <Stunned, gets up, laughs insanely, then hears a rumble in the ground>. Did you guys just hear that noise?

[Superman]

Superman: Yeah sorry I had the burritos.
JBond: Not that! I heard it too.
Olorin: Sorry it was me...
Jedi Knight: No not that! It's like below us.
JBond: Superman! Use your X-ray vision! Superman...
Superman: <Checking out girls with X-ray vision> Oh what a nice piece of ass. <Turns around as everyone is looking at him> What?
Jedi Knight: Will you just...

All the sudden the ground collapses and the heroes are underground.

Olorin: I coulda been home playing musical chairs with the cast of LOTR but nooooo!
Jedi Knight: Ow I have a boo boo.
JBond: I creamed my shorts, oh wait I wasn't wearing any.
Superman: I think I speak for all of us when I say ew.
JBond: Hey if I see a hot girl I have to be free so I can...
Jedi Knight: Let's just pretend we weren't getting that mental picture.
Olorin: This is the last time I fall for "hey we're going to Wendy's wanna come?" routine!
Superman: Heh, its the 5th time and its stil funny.

All the sudden a giant figure emerges from the shadow.

JBond: Oh crap! It's...

[sicks]

Uh,Oh!
(In walks a scrappy 5'10 Irishmen on his way back from the Irish pub down the way)
"What Seems to be the problem here laddies?" says Sicks

[thebtskink]

Jedi, would you do us the honor of posting the next reply, making the count 600?

[Jedi Knight]

Chickens taste good with pepper.


P.S.--Sorry.

[This message has been edited by Jedi Knight (edited 03-10-2001).]

[Olorin]

JB, you could delete Link's post, but that might be a little rude.

[JBond]

Yeah it would, it's not really that important. He can have the 1000th post! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Jedi Knight]

...Uh...YEAH!

[Jedi Knight]

Ow.

[This message has been edited by Jedi Knight (edited 03-08-2001).]

[JBond]

(The giant shadowy figure walks down the street toward them)

JBond: Oh my God!...It's...IT'S...IT'S!!
Jedi Knight: It's been three days!! Will you just say what the damn thing is!?!
JBond: Well you don't have to get crabby about it! Now, where was I? Oh yeah....IT'S A TYRANOSAURS REX!!
Superman: By golly you're right! Amazing it took us so long to realize what it was!
Jedi Knight: Well as long as he got rid of that stupid sombrero! Where did Olorin go?
JBond: Oh my! NO!

<Olorin is in front of the prehistoric dinosaur>

Olorin: Sit. I said sit! SIT!!
Mr. Rex: ROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRR!!
Olorin: Don't sit!
Superman: Olorin!! Run! It only had a hamburger for lunch!!
<Olorin starts to run down 5th street while the T. Rex chases him>
JBond: Olorin is handling this very well!
Olorin: AiiiieeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee!!!!!! Help me help me help meeeeeeeee!!!
Superman: I have this strange feeling, that we could be doing something to help!
Jedi Knight: He doesn't need our help, these problems always fizzle after a few minutes!
<Olorin is hit by a parked car and is knocked unconcious>
JBond: Hmmmmm....I guess we should help now.
Superman: I suppose, but how?


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-09-2001).]

[Link]

What I didn't see that post!!!!! Ya go ahead delete it!!! Jedi can edit his post.

[JBond]

If you insist!

Edit your post, Jedi!

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-10-2001).]

[Link]

Yeah sorry about that Jedi after I posted it I started to wonder why isn't anyone going to 600 oh well.

Thanks Jbond for deleting it. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Jedi Knight]

The heroes run over to the unconscious Olorin and pick him up.

Jedi: So, uh...where should we put him?

JBond: <Looks down the street at a truck being loaded> How about in that truck? You know, just for the time being...

Superman: Lets just hurry up! The T-Rex is coming right for us!

The heroes run over to the back of the truck, trying to remain as conspicious as possible, and throw Olorin's nearly lifeless body into the back of the truck.

JBond: Well, that takes care of that nuisance...now what do we do about the T-Rex?

Jedi: <Spots Kevin Costner walking down the street> Hey! I have an idea!

Jedi walks up behind Costner, slams a 6-month-old pie over the back of his head, then drags him unto the middle of the street.

Jedi: Hey, Dino!

Mr. Rex: <Swings around>

Jedi: Are you still enraged at the fact you payed 5 dollars for admission to see 'Waterworld'?

Mr. Rex: <Nods>.

Jedi: <Points to Costner> Well, Sir, this is your very own opportunity to take that aggression out upon the film's star and co-director.

The T-Rex charges towards Costner, flings him up into the air, and begins to use him as a hackey-sack.

Jedi: Well, that takes care of our crisis of the moment.

JBond: OH NO!

Jedi: What?

(Note--If you have found yourself with the inability to decipher the event of the next part of this story...you are a confirmed idiot. Thank you)

JBond: The truck is driving off with Olorin!

(Note--See? I told you.)

Jedi: We have to go after it!

Superman: Then do lead the way, oh 'fearless leader'.

Jedi runs over, smashes the window of one the nearby cars, and immiedately hot-wires the car in 5 seconds flat.

Jedi: Hop in! I'm driving!

thebtskink: No thanks...we'll run.

JBond, Superman, and thebtskink run down the street after the truck as Jedi kicks in the acceleration pedal, as the stereo hums "The Magical Mystery Tour" by The Beatles.

Jedi speeds down the street, overrunning small animals, loose tires, tumbleweeds, books, Keanu Reeves, etc.

As the other heroes pursue the truck on foot, they spot another car run a red light, smash into the truck, causing it to explode, which sends several pieces of debri flying through the air, which strikes Jedi's car's windshield, which send him slamming tilted road divider, which causes his car to do a 360, which sends him flying through the window of a (closed) diner, which causes the car to punch through the east wall of the diner, which sends his car flying through into another building, which just happens to be a crowded restaurant that is currently serving Kaathie Lee Gifford, which sends him through the window of the restaurant and into another street...which is--thankfully--uncrowded (if that's a word.) *Phew*.

The other heroes ignore Jedi's accident, and run over to the shattered remains of the truck that had been carrying Olorin.

JBond: There's no way that a human being could have survived this!

Superman: Why, yes there is! *Snaps fingers* Remember Jedi's rule? He said that no member of the thread could be killed...remember?

JBond: I don't recall.

Superman: okay, you want proof? Here's Jedi's post:

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:

Now its your turn. what should happen next in the "Bar Room Brawl" (PS; James Bond and Jedi and all of the Comingsoon posters can't be killed. But anyone else can)

Superman: See, he just missed a few punctuation marks, but it's 100% valid.

JBond: I see...

Suddenly, Olorin falls from the sky. The heroes look at the fallen Olorin, then gaze up into the sky.

God: He's not ready yet.

JBond: Okay. Thanks, God.

God: You're welcome.

Olorin: Ow. My mind hurts...

Superman: Man, do you even realize who you've just met?!

Olorin: Yeah, I know. I'm assured. You?

thebtskink: Hey guys, whatever happened to Jedi, anyways?

Superman: Jedi...who?

Olorin: You know, the nerd that started this topic?

JBond: Oh that guy! Isn't he the one with the shiny sword and weird facial hair?

Superman: I think I know who you're talking about! He's the overweight guy who had that radio talk-show a few years back...correct?

thebtskink: No, no...that was Rush Limbaugh.

Superman: Who?

Olorin: The guy you were just speaking of.

Superman: That guy?

Olorin: Yes, that guy's name is Rush Limbaugh.

Superman: I see...
...So where is he?

JBond: Who?

Superman: The Jedi guy...where is he?

Olorin: Is that the fat guy with the talk-show?

Superman: No, no, that's Rush Limbaugh.

Olorin: Then who are we speaking of?

Superman: The guy with the weird facial hair who's one of those 'Star...something' nerds.

thebtskink: Oh yeah! Where'd that guy go, anyways?

Superman: I don't know...

JBond: You wanna go look for him or something?

Olorin: Sure.

Meanwhile, Jedi Knight (is that the one fat guy with the talk show, or the one with the facial hair? Anyways....) crawls from the wreckage of the car and takes a seat on the sidewalk.

Jedi: That <looks around> was pretty intense.

Cops: Is that your car, Sir?! <They point to the overturned vehicle>.

Jedi: Yes...and no.

Cop: What do you mean? It's either your car or not!

Jedi: Well, I stole the car, therefore the ownership belongs to another indivigual besides myself, therefore the blame for all of this wreckage cannot legally (in this story) be placed on me...it must be placed on the one who has had ownership of the car for the past 5 years.
Who (looks at the fake I.D. card he's owned for the past few years) is not me--according to this I.D. card...I am Steve Guttenberg...who no longer exists to the public society.

Cops: <Confused> Oh.

Jedi: Have a nice day, Gentlemen. I'm going <Jedi gets up and walks off>.

The cops take a look at the wrecked car, then leave.

[This message has been edited by Jedi Knight (edited 03-10-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Jedi Knight (edited 03-10-2001).]

[thebtskink]

Jedi Knight has just proven why he is the undisputed King of the Community forum! Brilliant!

[Jedi Knight]

Thanks, Skink. I spent a little bit of time on that story and I'm glad someone liked it.

[This message has been edited by Jedi Knight (edited 03-10-2001).]

[JBond]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
Jedi: Hey, Dino!

Mr. Rex: <Swings around>

Jedi: Are you still enraged at the fact you payed 5 dollars for admission to see 'Waterworld'?

Mr. Rex: <Nods>.

Jedi: <Points to Costner> Well, Sir, this is your very own opportunity to take that aggression out upon the film's star and co-director.

The T-Rex charges towards Costner, flings him up into the air, and begins to use him as a hackey-sack.

Although no one has commented on one of my posts for a long time, even though I have save this thread many times, I will say I liked this part!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-10-2001).]

[SpiderHam]

:SpiderHam Sticks head in door and shakes head i disgust:

SpiderHam: Now i realise why i never looked in this thread.

:SpiderHam walks away shaking his head:

[Jedi Knight]

JBond, I'd just like to say that I've found a lot of your posts very funny!

[JBond]

Thanks Jedi, same here!

[Jedi Knight]

*Crickets*

[Superman]

Both you guys had some serious funny stuff!

[JBond]

Thank you, we are genesis...gensises.....smart guys!!

[Superman]

Originally posted by JBond:
Thank you, we are genesis...gensises.....smart guys!!

No no, its genesis!

[Jedi Knight]

....I'll add on in a little while--keep the stories coming!

[JBond]

I think it's Supes' turn!

Jedi, did you read my Milionaire thing? You're a large character in it! (figuratively speaking!

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-16-2001).]

[Jedi Knight]

Yes, I did. Hilarious.

[JBond]

Stay tuned, there are more parts coming!

[dubloth]

im just posting to do a big pimp slap

later.

[Jedi Knight]

Alright, I'll go.


Jedi: (Whilst walking down the street) Hey, what smells like cabbage?

Jedi hears a nearly ear-splitting rumble in the ground (again) and swings around to see millions upon millions of Cabbage Patch Dolls running down the steep street corner.

Jedi: Curumba! (c) (Starts to run)

(Note--'Curumba' is MY word.)

The pitter-patter of millions of plastic feet plummet down upon the hard cement as Jedi jumps past a corner and runs through rush-hour traffic.

Guy In Car: Hey, you jerk! Get back in line! (Looks back at the mob of Cabbage Patch Dolls just before they overthrow his car) Eek! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/eek.gif

Olorin: (Walking down the street) So, what does this Jedi guy look like, again?

Superman: Kinda' fat, owns a radio talk show...

thebtskink: No, no--that's Rush Limbaugh.

Superman: Who?

thebtskink: Here, here's a link to his homepage: Rushlimbaugh.com (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com)

JBond: (Sights Jedi running down the street as 'the mob' follows him) Hey!

Olorin: What?! (Swings around)

JBond: That was Ted Kennedy and The Olsin Twins! Lets follow them! I don't think this 'Jedi' guy will show up anytime soon, anyways.

Elite: Okay!

[JBond]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
Jedi: Curumba! (c) (Starts to run)

(Note--'Curumba' is MY word.)

Hmmm, now I need a word!

[Jedi Knight]

Ahem.

[JBond]

I don't know where to take that! But I don't need a "ahem"!

[dubloth]

ho-mas is my word!

as in want to use my ho-ma

is that your ho-ma

i call all my ho-ma's, b@tch@s

ucb baby,

[Jedi Knight]

How about....

SEAFOOD(?)!

[JBond]

((Serious voice) As we left last time, Jedi was being attacked by a legion of Cabbage Patch Kids dolls....oh the humanity)

Jedi Knight: Damn it, I'm cornered! What do I do?...I know! What would my father say if he was here today!?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jedi Knight Sr.: Why the hell aren't you washing my car!?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jedi Kngiht: Ok...bad idea!
Superman: Jedi is going to be eaten by many, many plastic dolls! Too bad!
Olorin: Yeah! For him!
Superman: That's what I meant!
JBond: I think we should try to help him!
Olorin: But...we could get hurt!
JBond: Nonsense! If Godzilla and William Shatner can't hurt us, what are a bunch of dolls going to do?!
Superman: True!

<Just then, the dolls heads open to reveal rows of razor sharp teeth>

Olori: Hmmmm...you're on your own Jedi!
JBond: Naw, I can handle this!
<JBond pulls out his trusty Walther PPK and begins to fire at the Cabbage Patch dolls. Pieces of plastic fly everywhere>

Olorin: My eye!!!

<But just as things are looking better, the Sorcerer's Apprentice music starts to play (I hope you've seen Fantasia!)>

Superman: Nothing good can come of this!

<Each individual piece grows into a new Cabbage Patch Doll>

JBond: OK...Now Jedi is on his own.

<Just as it seemed too late for Jedi, hundreds of flying Eggo waffles came from the air shooting raisins at an incredable rate at the Cabbage Patch Kids dolls>

JBond: It's the German Luftwaffle!! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/eek.gif
Superman: Quick! Let's get out of here!
Jedi Knight: Ok, but first...

<Jedi slaps Superman, JBond and Olorin>

Jedi Knight: Thanks for the help back there "All Powerful Elite"!! It's not everyday the Luftwaffle stopps by to attack things!!
JBond: Actually it's every other day!!
Jedi Knight: Quiet you!!

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-21-2001).]

[Superman]

Funny JBond!!!

[Jedi Knight]

Jedi Knight--having fallen asleep for the the past week, types up the newest edition of the Bar Room Brawl:

Jedi Knight: Oh, NO! http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/eek.gif

JBond: What now?!

The heroes swing around to discover...........
.......
...............NOTHING!

Superman: Uh, Jedi...nothing is there, you moronic flab of nothingness.

Jedi Knight: My shoe's untied, that's all.

Olorin: How'd I get here?

thebtskink: How are we supposed to know? You just sort of showed up in the last few pages!

Jedi Knight: (Spots a Donut Shop) Mmmmm....Donuts!

The heroes--having not eaten throughout nearly the whole topic--walk into the small diner and take a seat at a booth.

Jedi Knight: You know what?

JBond: What now?!

Jedi Knight: I wonder how the Bar is doing? I mean...this topic is called The Bar Room Brawl...and we haven't been there in pages.

Suddenly, plastic dummy comes flying through the diner window and into the back of the kitchen.

-[i]The Jedster

[JBond]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
Suddenly, plastic dummy comes flying through the diner window and into the back of the kitchen.

Superman: Hmmmm....ok
Jedi Knight: I got an idea! How about we visit the old bar!
Olorin: The what?
JBond: Oh that's right, Olorin joined us after the Bar Room Brawl days...day
Superman: Well it will be a good way to show him his roots!

<The heroes go to the ol' Bar>

Jedi Knight: WHAT THE-
JBond: They turned it into a strip joint!!
Superman: Damn horny government!

<They of course don't waste any time any go inside to "investigate">

Olorin: Personally. I say this is better than a dirty old bar!
Jedi Knight: Yeah....damnit, where's Superman!?

Supermnan: Why yes, I would like a good time!
Other 3: *sigh*
Bubba: EXCUSE ME MR. RED BOOTS! I BELIEVE THAT MISSES BELONGS TO ME!!
Superman: Uh, I believe I saw her first!
Bubba: YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?!
JBond: Excuse me. <Straightens tie> Please do not beat up my miserable friend here, I'm sure we can handle this like civilzed adults!

<Bubba gets hit by Jedi in the back of the head with a fold-up chair>

Jedi Knight: <Rips off shirt> BONZAI!!!!!
<Bubba charges toward Jedi>
JBond: Or not! <Hurls whisky glass at Bubba>
Bubba: Aaargggghhhh!!!!

<In approxamitly 1.4 seconds, the entire room is fighting>

<Bubba slides JBond down a table, the bartender helps him up>
JBond: Thank you, my kind sir!
<Bartender hits JBond over the head with a ferret>

<Superman lifts Bubba into the air and throws him through the ceiling>
Jedi Knight: Good move, Supes!
<Bubba comes back down and lands on Superman>
Jedi Knight: Ooooo!

<Meanwhile Olorin is just watching everyone fight>
Olorin: What an odd bunch! Oh well!
<Olorin throws a copy of War and Peace at the bartender>

Jedi Knight: *Sniff* So many memories flooding in at once!

(Be sure to join us next time for more adventures of the Strip Joint Brawl! Y'all come back now, ya hear!)


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 03-28-2001).]

[Superman]

After the fighting dies down the heroes are thrown out of the bar.

Bartender: And stay out!
Superman: Ahhh! Just like old times when we got thrown out for various reasons.
JBond: Yeah like the time you paid our bill in Monopoly money!
Jedi Knight: Or when RossBond (RIP) got so drunk he dressed as a woman and started dancing.
Superman: Actually I was trying to forget that one.
JBond: Well we have to find out what happened to our bar, let the investigation begin!
Jedi Knight: Uh where do we begin?
Superman: The usual, Yoda.
JBond: Still pimpin' on the East Side?
Superman: No he's gone clean and opened up a grocery store.
Jedi Knight: Lets go then!

The heroes arrive at "Yoda's Groceries: Serving You since 2001!"

Yoda: <To customer> Yes, go you must. Day good have you.
JBond: That f--ker still sounds like he's on drugs.
Jedi Knight: Yo Yoday how's it going today!
Yoda: Uh oh.
Superman: <Pulls up a chair> Let's talk.
Yoda: Talk for cheese!
JBond: Okay! <Whips out a pound of chedder cheese and slams it on the table>
Superman: He meant cash!
JBond: Oh... <Puts the cheese back in his pocket>
Superman: <Slips Yoda a $50>

After twenty minutes of interrogation and $300 the heroes leave.

Jedi Knight: I can't believe who he said was responsible!
JBond: I can't believe Superman had that much money!
Superman: I didn't, I swiped Yoda's own wallet and used it on him for the pay up. I have a $20 left, anyone up for burgers?

[Doomsday]

Doomsday is sitting in a bar surrounded by women, when a guy with big glasses, tight pants and smelling of cat urine comes up to him:

Guy with Glasses: Hey, get outta my seat.
Doomsday: Who the hell are you?
Guy with Glasses: SUPERMAN!
Doomsday: Superman, huh?
Superman: Yeah, NERD!

Doomsday then viciously pummels Superman to a pulp, just like in the comics.

THE END

[slinger]

THE END?
Well I smell huge mini-series.
Shop it around. First HBO. Then Showtime.

And where the hell did I go anyway?

SHAMELESS PLUG: See Travolta, JBond, Superman and slinger trash a 7-Eleven. Plus The Return of Superman Ten Minutes Ago and The Death of __________! All in the 2nd Page of The CS! Posters' St.Patrick's Day George Walker Bush Style Drinking Bash. http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/Forum25/HTML/000225-2.html

[Jedi Knight]

Suddenly, a rumbling sound is once again heard, echoing throughout the city.

Jedi Knight: What was that?!

Superman: A rumble that surly hints that something bad is going to happen.
Sheesh--you really need to find new ideas, Jedi.

Jedi Knight: Quite you!

Suddenly, all of the heroes are transported through an environment of lightning and thunder, until they arrive...

(The Heroes fall from the sky and into the World of the movie Battlefield Earth.

JBond: Oh, no!

'Psychlo' (John Travolta): A-HA! I am going to kill you!

Superman...what? You think this movie wasn't painful enough?

Psychlo: What 'movie'? This is Eart..!

Jedi Knight: Johnny, I really think you need help.

Psychlo: Submit to my power! BOOM!

(Long pause)

Jedi Knight: So, uh...what was that all about, Psycho?

Psychlo: Uh, I don't really know...that should have worked...*Boom! Explosion*

John Travolta spontaneously combusts (Ew) and the heroes are transported to the area of a a new film...

-The Jedster

[b]

[JBond]

(Interesting idea Jedi! Kind of a Quantum Leap thing.)

*POOF*

<The heores fall from the sky and into water>

JBond: Oh no!! We're in Waterworld!! This is HORRIBLE!! Kevin Costner could be anywhere!! ....and I can't swim.
Superman: Calm down, Bond. We're in a swimming pool and in 3 feet of water!
JBond: Oh...I knew that.

<The heroes swim...I mean walk to the side of the pool to witness a conversation>

Largo: Ah! I see you have an attraction to my sharks, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: I have more of an attraction for your niece!

Jedi Knight: Sharks?
JBond: Niece!?
Olorin: Two Bonds? I think I'm getting a headache!
<The heroes jump out before the shark eat them>
JBond: I believe we are in Thunderball!
Superman: One of your earlier advetures?
JBond: Yeah, I did this one way back in 1965!
Jedi Knight: Wait a minute! Wouldn't that make you 12 when this happened?!?
JBond: Um...I often wondered about that myself!

Largo: You know Bond, you can be a real jerk sometimes!
James Bond: I know you are....but what am I?!

Olorin: These earlier ones are kind of cheesy!
JBond: Hey! Don't be dissing my work!
Jedi Knight: So...I guess they can't see us when we warp like this, right?
JBond: I would assume so.

Largo: Anyway Mr. Bond, I was w- OH MY GOD! Where did those people come from!!!

Olorin: So much for that theory!

Largo: There are too many people here! I'm going to have to kill you Mr. Bond!

JBond: <Ducking> AHHHHHH!!!
Superman: He's talking about the younger James Bond!
JBond: Oh...great!!
Superman: Nooooooo, that's bad! If he kills the younger you, you will disappear from existence! But then you wouldn't have interfered with his death, so he couldn't have been killed. So because of that paradox, the universe will END if the other James Bond is killed, understand?
JBond: You lost me after "that's bad"!
Jedi Knight: *sigh* If Largo kills him you will never have sex again!!
JBond: AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!
<JBond jumps over to Largo who surprising hasn't killed James Bond yet (well not that surprising) and takes his gun and points it at him>
James Bond: My God! It's me 40 years from now...I look exactly the same!!
JBond: Yeah, we look great!
James Bond: Still a whiz with the women?!
JBond: Better than ever! Oh! And you're just going to love the girl in a little bit!
James Bond: Shh! Don't tell me, don't tell me!! I want to be suprised!
Jedi Knight: *Sigh*
Superman: *Sigh*
Olorin: *Sigh*
Largo: *Sigh*
JBond: Um, I guess I gotta go now!
James Bond: Good talking to ya!
<James Bond hits Largo over the head>
James Bond: Take me to your women!

JBond: That guy is the only guy who ever understood me!
Superman: Definitely the only one!
Jedi Knight: So um, how do we leave?
Olorin: I know! Click your heels together 3 times and-
JBond: We know, and say "There's no place like home," right?
Olorin: Actually I was going to say "pray to God," but your idea might work too!
Superman: Hmmm, I'm trying to think of how to get out of here, but that wormhole over there is distracting me!
JBond: That's it!!
Superman: What?
JBond: We pray!!
Jedi Knight: No you idiots! We jump in!
<So the heroes jump in>

Superman: Ok, where are we now?

Keanu Reeves: This bus must stay above 50 miles an hour or it will explode and-OH MY GOD, look out for those people in the road!!!
Sandra Bullock: Ahhhhh!!! I can't act!!!!!!
<The volatile bus swerves to miss the heores and crashes into an orphanage and explodes in a tremendous explosion>
Olorin: Cool!
Jedi Knight: Oopsy!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 04-01-2001).]

[Superman]

Superman: So who wants their Keanu Reeves well done?
JBond: Medium rare for me.
Jedi Knight: I'm on a diet.
Olorin: I just don't think its right to eat another person.
slinger: <Eats the bus>
Superman: Quit hoggin' it all!

After the heroes eat the bus 20 minutes later they are transported to another movie... Superman 3!

Superman: Oh boy, this is the one with Richard Pryor!
JBond: Son-of-a-b*tch! There's no way we can survive! <Starts pulling on his hair>
Jedi Knight: Is this the one where you shag Lois?
slinger: No that was the second one!
JBond: <Falls to knees crying>
Olorin: Wait this is the one where there are two Superman's and now there's three!
Superman: Oh *****...
Superman2: Wow I didn't I was so built.
Superman3: If the three of us shag Lois is that like cheating on her in any way?
Jedi Knight: <Shudders>
JBond: <In fetal position>
Superman3: No I shag her first!
Superman: No I do!
Superman2: Go shag yourself <Pushes Superman>
Olorin: Haha, Lois is such a ho!

All three Supermen look at one another and then Olorin and they pick him up and toss him into the Blair Witch movie.

slinger: That was cold man.
Jedi Knight: I've solved the problem, let's get the Lois Lane's from two other movies and bring them here and that way you all have your own Lois to shag!
All three Supermen: Yeah!! Christmas came early this year.
slinger: This borders on the line of extreme weirdness.

After a few kidnappings from the other Superman movies each Superman gets their own Lois.

Jedi Knight: Well I think that went well.
Superman: I wonder if EVERY part of me and the other 2 Supermen were the same.
JBond: .....
slinger: Okay where are we headed next?
Superman: I think we should get Olorin, he could be in serious trouble!!!

Olorin: And this is for making my girlfriend puke resulting in no sex after the movie because of the shaky camera <Drop kicks the girl> And this is for wasting my time <Kicks the two male leads in the groin>

Jedi Knight: Somehow I don't think he's in that great of danger...


[This message has been edited by Superman (edited 04-02-2001).]

[JBond]

<The heroes warp over to Blair Witch>

Olorin: Thake that! And that! AND THAT!
JBond: Alright, stop it! The script has had enough!
Olorin: But I still haven't destroyed the last 5 pages yet!
JBond: Patience, my young one. We have to divide our forces throughout all that has made this movie so bad!
Superman: So much to do!
<Just then, the warp hole appears>
Jedi Knight: Not now! We still have work to do!
<The warp hole approachs the heroes>
Jedi Knight: Oh no you don't!
<The heroes are then chased by a warp...weird, isn't it? Then the warp hole jumps on the heores and they are transported>
*ZAP*
JBond: That warp has quite an attitude!
Olorin: So um, where are we?

Luke Skywalker: I want to be a Jedi, like my father before me!
Jedi Knight: But your father is Darth Vader, you don't want to be like him!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: <slaps forehead>
Luke Skywalker: What's that you say now?!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You fool! He's not suppose to know that yet! He's not ready and mature enough!
Luke Skywalker: COOL! I want to rule the universe with my father! We'll kick everyone's ass!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You see what I mean?! See what you have done?! Now he will never be a Jedi!
Olorin: GOOD one!
Jedi Knight: Um, why don't you just train his sister Princess Leia?!
Luke Skywalker: Sister?
JBond: Ok, that was stupid even for MY standards!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: I'll kill you!
<Obi-Wan tipps over the table and pulls out his lightsaber>
<Jedi Knight pulls out his>
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ha ha ha! My lightsaber is longer than yours!
Jedi Knight: It's not the length, it's the way you use that counts!
<JBond starts to open his mouth>
Superman: Don't even think of commenting on that Bond!
Luke Skywalker: Hey wait a minute! You said that lightsaber was mine, Ben!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You can have it after I defeat this "Jedi" here!
Luke Skywalker: But I want it nooooow!!!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: SHUT UP YOU WHINY LITTLE BRAT!! I NEVER LIKED YOU!!
<Obi-Wan starts to approach Jedi Knight>
Jedi Knight: Um, guys, I could use some help!
JBond: <Thinks about it> Naw, I don't think so.
Superman: I know! I'll go into the warp and find some help!

<Superman warps and returns with Captain James T. Kirk>

Jedi Knight: HOW does bringing William Shatner here help me at ALL!?!
Superman: Hmmm, I guess it doesn't. I just thought it would be funny to mix Star Wars with Star Trek!
James T. Kirk: Captain's log, Stardate 2357.6. I seemed to have slipped into an...ALTernate dimension filled with STRANGE and oddly dressed people! It has been 3 days since my crew left me on that deserted planet, at first I figure they had forgotten me on that forsaken planet...but when they started to raid the planet with photon bombs, I started to get confused...I ran as FAST as I could until I fell into a WARP of some kind!
Olorin: .....are you done!?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You think you can destory me with this...thing! You are SORELY mistaken!
<Obi-Wan strikes James T. Kirk with his longer lightsaber>
James T. Kirk: <Turns on communicator> Ahhh! Bones...I need your help now!
McCoy: No Jim! I've helped you enough times....and you're an ass!
James T. Kirk: I'm...dying! I will now go....where..no..man...has gone......before!!
<James T. Kirk walks into the ladies room, and then dies>

Superman: WOW! Obi-Wan made it look so EASY! Man, if he was on our side, we could have rid of Shatner a long time ago!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Enough chit-chat, time to die!
<Obi-Wan swings his lightsaber at Jedi just as the heroes warp out of there>
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Damn!
<Luke walks out of the bathroom>

Luke Skywalker: Something walked in on me in the bathroom, yelled "KHAN" and then died.

Where do the heores end up next, and will it make sense?!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 04-04-2001).]

[Superman]

That was funny as hell!

[JBond]

Originally posted by Superman:
That was funny as hell!

Thank ya!

[Superman]

The heroes suddenly end up on SNL in the middle of a skit.

Superman: Uh oh...
JBond: Hi mom!!!
Chris Kattan: What the hell!!
Jedi Knight: <Starts his comedy routine> ....And that's why they called it Mustard!! Hahahaha! Get it!
Audience: <Laughs>
Will Ferrell: <Is about to jump Jedi>
Lorne Michaels: No you fool wait! Keep rolling!
Olorin: <Tries a joke> So this rabbi, priest and a gorilla walk into a sauna....
Audience: <Boo's>
JBond: Oh boy I guess its my turn... Okay so how many of you have problems with your women? I mean don't you just hate it when they... <The female portion of the audeince rushes JBond on stage and he's buried under them getting beat up and dressed as a woman>
Tracy Morgan: I guess its your turn "pansy of steel."
Superman: But... But...
Audience: <All silent looking at Superman>
Superman: RIBBIT!
Audience: ....
JBond: ....
Olorin: ....
Jedi Knight: ....
The cast of SNL: ....
JBond: I think I'll be the first to say where the hell that came from?
Superman: It was either that or my impression of Matt Damon but I forgot my horse teeth to make fun of him.
Lorne Michaels: I think you guys should leave now. Except for Jedi Knight, he gets to host next week.
Olorin: Who's the musical guest?
Lorne Michaels: Metallica.
Superman: Can I have seats?
Lorne Michaels: No.
JBond: Can we watch from our own t.v.
Lorne Michaels: <Thinks> No.
Olorin: Dammit.
Jedi Knight: Whoohoo! I host! Can I do a George Lucas skit?
Lorne Michaels: Sure <He and Jedi talk>
Superman: Well portal is open again. You guys ready?
Olorin: Yeah! Maybe we can get a gig on Mad T.V.
JBond: <Shudders> Lets hope we end up somewhere better....

[slinger]

They exit the portal to find that they are now inside 'Single White Female'.

Olorin walks and shuts the window.

Olorin: Lets see her push out the dog now!
Jedi Knight: YOU FOOL! That's the wrong window!
Superman: You know I've thought of getting two female roomates. But Mr.Ro..
JBond: Shhh!!! Look at that!

[RossBond1]

RossBond blunders into the room...having just recovered form one HECK of a long hangover!

RossBond: Hi guys!

OOC: Yes I am the original RossBond...but I cannot get my password to work so I signed up again as RossBond1!

[JBond]

Wow! It's been a while!

<JBond buys RossBond a cheap drink>

[RossBond1]

RossBond: Thanks...and yes it's been far to damn long-

*Takes a swig of his cheap drink and spits it out-*

*SPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTT!!!*

RossBond: Ugh! That was cheap...I thought we could afford more what with the Superhero gig!


[This message has been edited by RossBond1 (edited 04-12-2001).]

[Superman]

Hey look who's back from the dead! <Buys Ross semi-cheap beer> Its on me old friend!

[RossBond1]

*Drinks the Semi-cheap drink-*

RossBond: So I died huh....does that mean I can see dead people-?

[Superman]

Superman: Yeah I'm pretty sure you can also see Tim Allen, Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren's careers.
JBond: Now that's scary.
RossBond1: Some more ale!
Superman: So will there be a RossBond 2?

[RossBond1]

RossBond: Nope..I already killed all the other Rossbonds...now I am The One!

*Superman looks rather annoyed at me-*

RossBond: Hey! They were all evil!

[JBond]

Originally posted by RossBond1:
*Superman looks rather annoyed at me-*

RossBond: Hey! They were all evil!

JBond: Don't let him bother you, he's just mad because Lois Lane has been seeing Spider-Man behind his back!
Superman: You can't prove that!!
JBond: C'mon! Do you really think she has been going to Steven Segal marathons all these times?! I mean...either way!!

[rObix]

INT. BARROOM - NIGHT

SILENT ROB walks in.

SILENT ROB
Whiskey, please. make it a double please.

BARTENDER
Comin' right up.

The BARTENDER sets down a glass, and pours the drink. SILENT ROB slaps down money for the drink, and small tip. He picks the glass up.

SILENT ROB
Here's to swimmin' with bull legged women.

SILENT ROB downs the shot. HE sets the glass back down on the bar, and walks out the doors, never to be seen in the joint again.

CUT TO:

[Superman]

Superman: No no! Your getting my Lois confused with your look alike Lois.
RossBond1: <To JBond> Haha!
JBond: Um... Well... She's a real big Segal fan and was just at the marathon thingy...
Superman: It's okay Bond, you still have your other women walking around in lingerie at your house all the time.
RossBond: <Perks up and looks at his watch> Damn will you look at the time! I gotta go home and feed my... Toaster! See ya!
JBond: Did he just say "feed my toaster."
Superman: Interestingly enough I think he did.

[Olorin]

... Not enough time guys. No time.

[Olorin]

______ _ _ __ __ _____
| __ \ | | | | | \ / | | _ \
| |__| | | | | | | \/ | | | | |
| __ / | | | | | A A | | |_| |
| | \ \ | | | | | | \/ | | | ___/
| |__/ / | |__| | | | | | | |
|______/ \____/ |_| |_| |_|

[Jedi Knight]

...Ow.

[JBond]

Producer: This is Bar Room Brawl producer Aaron Spelling. About two weeks ago I lost millions of dollars my wonderful, wonderful money...by robbery!

Crew Guy #1: Hey I thought you lost it in a horse race!

Producer: ....No, I....I was robbed, I.....That damn horse was a shoo-in!!! He let me down, he let us all down!!! I'm ruuuuuuuined!!

Crew Guy #1: Um, why don't you tell you about the solution?

Producer: Solution?! What solution?!?...OH! The solution!! Hee hee hee! We have made deals with some of the largest corporations in the world. As long as we are sponsered by these companies, the Bar Room Brawl can continue!

If I recall correctly, the characters from Bar Room Brawl were last on Mars fighting Martians that slightly resembled Marlon Brando.

Crew Man #1: Ehhh, you need some rest Spelling!

Writer: ......Mars it is!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

*POOF!*

JBond: Eh, what are we doing on Mars?
Olorin: How are we able to breathe?
Superman: What are we going to eat!! We'll starve!! MUST EAT!

<Superman starts to eat the dirt of the ground>

Jedi Knight: How is it?
Superman: Good...but not nearly good as the Mars candy bar!! That smooth chocolate outside with the creamy caramel center! Mmmmmmm! Buy one today!
JBond: Uh-huh....Anyway! Does anyone have any ideas on how to get home!?
Olorin: Well, if you walk in this direction, the size of the Earth in the sky gets just a liiiiittle bit larger!
JBond: Does anyone have any practical ideas!?
Jedi Knight: No...not really. Maybe if I had a refreshing can of Coca-Cola I could think of something! Coca-Cola Classic! Can't beat the real thing!
Olorin: Maybe we could- OH MY!!! LOOK OVER THERE!!!

<Many short blue aliens walk over a hill and slowly approach the group>

Superman: What do you think Bond?
JBond: I always figured Martians would be green...how odd!
Superman: I mean what should we do?...Olorin?
Olorin: Ha ha! They look sort of like Marlon Brando! And they are all wearing Nike brand shoes! Not really a surprise though...Nike shoes provide comfort, quality and style, ALL for a reasonable price!
JBond: Oh would you knock that off!
Jedi Knight: Look! One of them are approaching!
<One larger blue alien slowly and confidently walks down to the group, as he approaches he trips on a rock and stumbles down the hill rolling all the way down to the groups feet>
Martian: #$@^ $%! @#!$
JBond: Now that must be embarrassing!
Superman: What a potty mouth that alien!
Olorin: Actually that's just the Martian language. It's just a bunch of English swear words mixed with a few mumbles and sounds in between.
JBond: Kind of like Superman!
Jedi Knight: How do you know about the Martian language?!
Olorin: I took a Martian course in High School.
Superman: Ask the alien if he knows how we can get back to Earth.
<Olorin askes the Martian in his sailor language if he knows how to get them back>
Martian: Geez! I know English!
Superman: Ha ha! They even sound like Marlon Brando!
JBond: How do you know English!?!
Martian: I took an English course in High School.
JBond: Ah!
Martian: I can get you back to Earth, I'll have to persuade my other friends to lend you our ship.
Jedi Knigh: How are you going to do that?
Martian: I'm going to make them an offer they can't refuse!
Jedi Knight: ....Ok


What happens? You decide!

(Sponsered by Mars, Coca-Cola and Nike)

[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 05-01-2001).]

[Madness]

<Matian goes back to his martian buddies and tells them the good news>

Martain: Hey guys, listen up!
Jbond: Wow, everyone here speaks English!
Martian: Actually, it's street slang. By astonishing co-incidence they are exactly the same*.
Superman: Wierd.
Olorin: So, whats this deal they can't refuse?
Martian: I'm getting to that! (Aside)Stupid Earthlings so impatient. <to Martians> OK guys, (pause) if we give these guys a trip back to Earth, we can have it.
Jedi Knight: What.....
Martian crowd: We can have Earth?!?
Marian: Yup.
Jbond: Whoa whoa whoa, (grabs martian) What are you doing? (to crowd) Uh, yeah, there's some mis-understanding here, if you'll bear with us......
Superman: Yeah, he's crazy. Let's kill him.
(Everyone looks at Superman) What?
Jbond: (To Martian) We never said you could HAVE earth, ok, you can't just OFFER it away>
Martian: What did you think? A bunch of movie heroes show up and you expect no drama? You're GIVING us the earth, and that's all there is too it!

Olorin: Uh, I don't think we have the authority to give them the earth....
Jedi Knight: Ya think!

JBond: Look, we're not giving you the earth, we just needed a lift. If we knew you were gonna be all, world dominating, we would have never asked. Just forget it...
Martians eyes turn red.
Martian: It won't be that simple!
Olorin:Uh oh.
Superman: Look, I'm the man of steel, so don't piss me off!
Martian: Our diet consists of water and lots and lots of Kryptonite. The tunnels of Mars are full of it. Why do you think all of us are green?
JBond: Wait a minute! You're blue!!
Martians: Oh, yeah...uh, we turn blue when we're angry!.......grr.........

Jedi Knight: Dammit, only if I'd brought my light sabre....
Olorin: Man, you're not really a Jedi Knight, stop saying that.

JBond: Ok, Supes now what?
Superman: I don't know about you but I'm getting atta here. <Superman zips back to Earth leaving the trio to die.>
JBoth: Ok.....

Olorin: Do I have any powers?
Jedi Knight: I'm not sure, Olorin, I'm not sure....

I can't finish this, you do it....

[cafeman]

All the while, there`s a guy sitting in the far corner of the bar, dringing his huge-ass cup of coffee, laughing under his breath atall the simple fools that know not of inner peace.

[JBond]

<Just then, all of the aliens bow down in the same direction and a figure emerges>

JBond: Hey look! It's Marvin the Martian!
Marvin: Silence you insolent human! I must thank you for giving Earth over to me!
Olorin: Anytime!
Jedi Knight: No! Remember! We want Earth!
Olorin: Oh right! Why do you want Earth?
Marvin: Oh I don't really want it, I just want to blow it up with my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator!...I figured I'd ask for your permission...I wouldn't want to be rude!
JBond: Besides the obvious, why would you want to blow up Earth?
Marvin: It is blocking the view of Venus.
Olorin: .....Fair enough.

<Marvin walks over to his Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator>

Marvin: Say good bye to Earth!

<JBond shoots at the gun as he shoots so the blast just grazes the outside of Earth destroying the Playboy channel satellite>

Marvin: You fool! I only had one shot! I have to wait another 2,000 years before I can get another one!

<Superman comes back>

Superman: What the hell happened to the reception on the...Discovery channel?!
JBond: Thanks for leaving us here!!
Superman: What?! I'm sorry, I thought you were right behind me!
Oorin: You want to take us with you this time?!
Superman: Oh all right!
Marvin: Leaving so soon? I don't think so!!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 05-01-2001).]

[Superman]

Superman: <Getting all excited> Look if you two want to replay the Alamo fine, but I say we kick all their asses!
JBond: And how do you propose we do that if you keep running away?
Jedi Knight: One of these little guys is humping my leg!
Olorin: <Snickers> That should be nothing new to you.
Jedi Knight: Not funny! <Waves hand in front of Olorin>
Olorin: Jedi your the greatest!
JBond: There he goes again putting words into people's mouths...
Lead Martian: Marvin! This is enough! You are our first earth visitors and we welcome you into our society. I apologize for our hostility, and as our guests we'd like to reveal to you who shot JR, who shot Kennedy, who shot the sheriff, and the meaning of life!
Olorin: Damn, who shot JR!?
JBond: Wait tell us the meaning of life first!
Lead Martian: Well its...
Superman: Quick you fool! <Punts the lead martian out of orbit>
Jedi Knight: What the...!
JBond: You idiot he was going to tell us!
Superman: <Punts martians left and right> No time to talk, must kick martians.
JBond: Okay okay <Shines boots> Can't we end one day without having to punt living things...
Olorin: Remember, laces out!
Jedi Knight: Okay!
Olorin: <Boots the alien between the goal post>
Olorin: Score! <Gets up and cheers>
Superman: Hey Bond and I can do better! Bond? <Holds a martian down> Quit squirming b*tch!
JBond: <Kicks the martian between the goal post, and makes him bounce off into a basketball hoop>
Superman: Now that's what I'm talking about!
JBond: <High fives Superman>

Six hours later.

Jedi Knight: Well we pretty much wiped out an entire race/species in a matter of hours.
JBond: Yeah, don't it make you feel good and gooey inside?
Olorin: I say we wipe out another race tomorrow!
Superman: If I take a dump towards earth will it fall from the sky?
Olorin: Gross.
JBond: Depends on where your aiming, the altitude and velocity.
Superman: Segal's house.

Three minutes later Steven Segal is relaxing at his home laying in the sun, and suddenly his life will never be the same.

Jedi Knight: Man I wish we were on earth to see what the media said about that.
JBond: Hey I got Marvin here still unkicked, what do you wanna do with him?

[Jedi Knight]

Suddenly--like always--Jedi Knight interrupts the situation with a quick remark of utter satire and wit.

Jedi Knight: My foot hurts. Ow.

Superman: Thou art very wise.

Jedi Knight: Go away.

Suddenly, Marvin The Martian interrupts Jedi's interruption of the storyline.

Marvin The Martian: Well, uh, I believe that if you do not kill me at this very moment, then I will reward you with the scientific notification of the millenium!

JBond: Wow, and here I was hoping I would never have to hear the word 'millenium' ever again.

Marvin The Martian: Please, release me!

thebtskink: (Releases Marvin from the grasp)

JBond: And why did you do that?!

thebtskink: My hands were getting tired.

Then, Marvin, with unsuspected fury, pulls out a ray gun and fires randomnly through the air.

Superman: Duck!

All the heroes leap to the ground, all except one...Jedi is shot.

Tune in next story for the climatic continuation!

[JBond]

Jedi Knight: Ow.
<JBond fires at Marvin shooting him into space>
Marvin: This doesn't make sense, there is gravityyyyyyy......
Olorin: Thank GOD!! Ha ha! That was close! I could have been shot!
<Olorin sees that Jedi is shot>
Olorin: Oops. Sorry Jedi.
Superman: That was rather rude of Marvin.
JBond: I know, I mean, what ever happened to common decency!
Superman: I would like to show that Marvin a thing or two!
Jedi Knight: Hello!? Dying here!
Olorin: Well let's take a look at it.....Jedi...you were shot in the foot! Hold on, let me get a band-aid!
Jedi Knight: Hey! Foot wounds can be very serious!!
JBond: Would you guys shutup! We have a more important problem on our hands!
<Jedi makes a face at JBond>
JBond: LOOK!!
<Marvin the Martian returns in a huge spaceship shaped like Anna Nicole Smith>
Olorin: *****!
Superman: My God, if those two things are the weapons, we're screwed!!


[This message has been edited by JBond (edited 05-03-2001).]

[Jedi Knight]

Goodness gracious, guys...post....

[Solidus]

Hey Jedi, that was the 666th post in the thread. Know what that means? EVIL!!! Burn the heathens!

[Olorin]

I'm working on something... don't be mad because I don't post in here. You'll see in a week or so.

[Jedi Knight]

Alrighty then, I'll post.

Jedi Knight kicks down the door of the Bar as the heroes are transported through The Matrix (c).

Jedi Knight: Here we go again...(Slams into brick wall).

Superman: Welcome back to The Bar, Jedi, my clumsy enemy.

Superman then slams his fist at Jed, but narrowly misses and slams into a wall.

Jedi Knight: (Looks at the Wall) Uh, what the devil was that for?

Superman: That's for editing my posts, you corrupt moderator!

Jedi Knight: Hey, I'm not the punk with the bad people skills.

Superman then picks up a chair and throws it into Jedi's stomach.

Jedi Knight: Ow.

Superman: Narf! You fool! I will taketh thee down, I will taketh thee down to China Town! :mad:

Jedi Knight: Oh, Lord help us.

Superman then flies through the air at Jedi, but--skilled in the force--Jedi leaps out of the way and slams his fist into Superman's face.


Jedi Knight: Now, can we all stop this argument?

After the special effects of the previous fight sequence end, a tank slams through the walls of the dilapidated Bar.

JBond: :eek:

Superman: Lord help us all!

thebtskink: Okay.

RossBond: :eek:

Olorin: :D

Jedi Knight: Poop.

The heroes discover that the tank is being driven by none other than... :eek:DOOMSDAY! :eek:

Jedi Knight: That's it, I'm leaving.


God Bless, peoples,
--The Jedster

[JBond]

That's a little harsh, Jedi.

[Jedi Knight]

Calm down, Bond. I was merely poking fun at that argument Supes and I had.

Sheesh,
--The Jedster

[Olorin]

*Aside* Tsk tsk tsk... kids.

[JBond]

Originally posted by Olorin:
<STRONG>*Aside* Tsk tsk tsk... kids.</STRONG>

I know!!....oh wait, you were talking about me?!? Hey....

[thebtskink]

Poking fun at ourselves is what this thread is all aboot! :eek: My legs have no hair!!!!

[Jedi Knight]

Exactly. :cool:

[Olorin]

Ummm, Jedi? Why don't you speak up in some other topics also? If you do that, I'll try to post in other areas than just LOTR and Comm. Deal?

[Superman]

Originally posted by thebtskink:
<STRONG>Poking fun at ourselves is what this thread is all aboot! :eek: My legs have no hair!!!!</STRONG>

Well I'm sure when Jedi made that post he kept in mind that I can respond as well in a story with him.

[thebtskink]

Go right ahead... include me too, please.

[Jedi Knight]

Bump. ;)

[JBond]

I'm sorry Jedi, this thread has seemed to just die.

[Superman]

RIP.

[Doomsday]

Doomsday: I am the greatest!
Superman: No, I shall kill you again.
JBond: Me, too.
Doomsday: Prepare to be vanquished, fiends.

*Doomsday hits JBond with a beer bottle, then stabs him in the face. Then he punches Superman and knocks him out. Doomsday then throws them out onto the street and emerges VICTORIOUS!*

(Hey, we all have dreams.)

[ 05-21-2001: Message edited by: Doomsday ]

[Superman]

And then Doomsday wakes up in a puddle of his own urine in an alley realizing he just got mad drunk the night before and has a tattoo of a little heart on his ass.

JBond: &lt;Looking froma building window down below&gt; He does that at least once a week!
Doomsday: &lt;Stumbles around knocking things over such as lamp posts because of his size&gt;
Superman: I lost count on how many heart tattoo's he has on his butt.
thebtskink: &lt;Instantly&gt; 28!
Olorin: &lt;Backs away from him&gt;
thebtskink: I only kept track because I'm the one that has to post bail every time he's arrested and I gotta listen to the cops tell me how he walks around naked in downtown asking if they've seen his "buddy."
Doomsday: &lt;Knocks over a mailman into the street&gt;
Superman: Hey he knocked Fred over!

[Doomsday]

Originally posted by Superman:
<STRONG>
Superman: Hey he knocked Fred over!</STRONG>

Hey, his name was Brett........I mean, ahhh thanks for screwing up my dream.

[Con-Air]

All of a sudden Con-Air jumps into the bar....... only to realize that everyone has left for another topic. Just for fun he decides to kick one of the many passed out bodies on the floor, but as he musters the energy to attempt a non-woman type kick he falls over. Then a little girl laughs at him and starts kicking him until he runs away crying.

[Superman]

Originally posted by Con-Air:
<STRONG>All of a sudden Con-Air jumps into the bar....... only to realize that everyone has left for another topic. Just for fun he decides to kick one of the many passed out bodies on the floor, but as he musters the energy to attempt a non-woman type kick he falls over. Then a little girl laughs at him and starts kicking him until he runs away crying.</STRONG>

Haha, that was good!

[Superman]

Originally posted by Doomsday:
<STRONG>Hey, his name was Brett........I mean, ahhh thanks for screwing up my dream.</STRONG>

No Brett quit after you bit his legs off.

[Doomsday]

Originally posted by Superman:
<STRONG>No Brett quit after you bit his legs off.</STRONG>

No no no no, that was LENNY! Brett was the guy who was knocked down and was hired after Lenny. I heard the new guy is named Shawn.

[Jedi Knight]

Originally posted by JBond:
<STRONG>I'm sorry Jedi, this thread has seemed to just die.</STRONG>
Alright then, I suppose, then, that the Bar is closed

[ 05-24-2001: Message edited by: Jedi Knight ]

[JBond]

Jedi! You don't have to close it! i just don't like your "post" posts, if poeple want to post, they will.

[Jedi Knight]

Yes, I know, but don't you think this little topic has lived its time out? I mean, no one really posts here anymore. :confused:

[dubloth]

*SMACKS JEDI WITH HUGE SACRELIGOUS FISH*

[Jedi Knight]

That was a little rude, don't you think?

*SMACKS DUB WITH A SARDINE, WHICH IS THE SAME AS A FISH, BUT....NEVERMIND.*

--The Jedster

[Doomsday]

Mmmmmmmmmmm, sardines! :p

[Jedi Knight]

Jedi walks into the Bar, the waves of piles of dust encircle the dilapidated and rotting coutner as only the humming whistle of the wind churns from behind the door.
The Knight, dressed in the traditional attire of a Jedi, takes a seat at the same chair he took a seat at on the very beginning of this odyssey, sighs, and taps the side of the counter with his index finger.

Jedi Knight: Well this has been interesting.

A single tear rolls down Jedi's face as incredibly sappy music plays in the background (Violin).

As Jedi weeps, a dark figure looms behind him. Jedi, senses the unbalance in the force, and slowly turns around.

He then discovers........

SENATOR PALPATINE!

Jedi Knight: Not now, I'm adding dramatics to the story, come back in part II of this post for this fight scene.

Palpatine: I sense that you're alone, young Jedi, no one will post in your silly little topic anymore.

Jedi Knight: Eh, I suppose it wasn't meant to last.

Palpatine: It is time for the final post of this topic, you foolish Knight! Now, for the last time, join the dark side!

Jedi Knight: Uh, this is the dramatic part of the story, the next action sequence is in PART DEUX--now, please go.

Palpatine: DIE! :mad: (Shoots electrical bolts from his fingertips).

Jedi leaps away from his chair, as it is blown to toothpicks by the bolts.

The room is suddenly darkened, and Palpatine transports Jedi to the Throne Room of The Dark Council.

Jedi Knight: Okay, the toying with the lights and set equipment is getting really annoying!

Palpatine: You have destroyed all of my forces, young knight, you and your compadres--you all have ruined my plan for intergalactic domination!

Jedi Knight: Heck, you think we had any other ideas than destroying your empire?

Palpatine: Just die! :mad:

Jedi is struck by the bolts and is flung across the room, and through a stunt-cardboard wall.

Jedi: Ow. :(

Palpatine: (Walks forwards) You--with all of your lame stories and goodie-two-shoes image, have destroyed my plans--and now, all of Earth, and the rebel forces, shall perish, along with you!

Jedi Knight: NEVER!

Jedi pulls a lightsaber his wrist-watch and begins to battle against Palpatine; who merely blocks it with his electrically-charged hands.

Jedi Knights: You will never stop good, Palpatine, as surly as the Lord lives.

Palpatine: This is the final episode, Knight--it's time for you to die.

Palpatine slams his fist into Jedi's face, catapulting him through the air, and smashing a window to the cold, desolate space life outside.

Palpatine: You fool! You'll kill us both! Get away from the window!

Jedi Knight: (Prepares to smash the window with a lightsaber) So be it! (Slams the glass).

An explosion occurs, glass flies from the window like rain in the wind, as the air pulls the two men like an enormous wave.

Jedi holds on to the rim of the window, surviving the airless atmosphere simply because he had pulled an oxygen mask from nowhere in the split second the window had smashed (can you say, run-on-sentence ;) ?)

Palpatine holds his breath as the air pulls at his hands, until he releases, and flies from the window, and into space...far, far away.

Jedi releases the grip, and floats away into the galaxy...


TUNE IN NEXT POST FOR THE CONCLUSION OF....

EPISODE II: WHERE THE HECK AM I?

God Bless,
--The Jedster

[JBond]

Wow, the Bar Room Brawl in a different location!

Creepy! :eek:

[thebtskink]

You see, now it's getting interesting.... I would like to post now, but it seems Jedi needs to complete his mini-story.....

[Jedi Knight]

Heck, anyone could complete the mini-story.

[Olorin]

*blarg*

[Olorin]

700!!! Sorry, I stole it Jedi... ;)

[JBond]

JBond: Whoo-hoo!

[Con-Air]

how many of those actually had anything to do with the Bar Room Brawl?

[JBond]

Most of them actually!

[Jedi Knight]

EPISODE III: THE FATMAN MENACE

Jedi Knight continues to flie aimlessly throughout the vast ocean of air and stars.
The light of the very distant sun shines upon Jedi as he soars, praying that he doesn't perish the vecinity of this incredibly dangerous accident.
Suddenly, Jedi slams into another spaceship.

Jedi Knight: Ow. :(

Jedi is then pulled into the ship by a sliding door, and vanishes inside.

Jedi Knight: Ow, that really hurt. (A band-aid immiedately appears on Jedi's forehead for no reason whatsoever).

Voice In The Background: Well, hello, Jedi Knight.

Jedi Knight: Huh? (Swings around to see a glooming, fat figure in the darkness.....the figure steps forward....and it is........

JOHN CANDY!

Jedi Knight: No! You're supposed to be dead!

John Candy: (Smiles) What? You think I actually died during that dinner party six years ago? BAH! I merely was suffering from some indigestion!

Jedi Knight: Uh, this is a little frightening....excuse me...

John Candy: Haven't you figured it out, Jedi? Palpatine wasn't the source of this whole story...I was!

Jedi Knight: How? You've been dead!

John Candy: For the last time, I am not DEAD!

Jedi Knight: Alright, Dead Man Walking (c), explain.

John Candy: It was I who warped your mind, and all of the 'elite' into creating this topic, causing you to write stupid stories and locking yourselves in your rooms, shutting yourselves off to humanity, causing you to be FAT ...! Like me!
Therefore, you will all become my minions, spreading my scripts for sequels to such classics as Cool Runnings and That Forest Movie I Was In With Dan Ackroyd!

Jedi Knight:....

John Candy: Well? Mr. Knight, your reponse to my plan?!

Jedi Knight: (Pulls out a plastic dart gun, shoots John Candy in the nose with it, causing him to pass out from the shock.)


Jedi Knight: (Jumps into an escape ship, and flies off, into the Galaxy).

God Bless, Peoples,
--The Jedster

[thebtskink]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
<STRONG>John Candy: Well? Mr. Knight, your reponse to my plan?!

Jedi Knight: (Pulls out a plastic dart gun, shoots John Candy in the nose with it, causing him to pass out from the shock.)</STRONG>

Hahahahah! :D I needed that laugh!

[Clive Anderson]

The forest movie was The Great Outdoors. Shame he died. Almost ten years. Who knows what humourous films he would've brought us. Luckily we have.....

[Jedi Knight]

Jedi Knight flies back onto Earth, he discovers that the World has gone back into the arena of normality.


Jedi Knight: This is.....different.

Jedi Knight kicks dirt about on the dusty road as he walks back to the now-destroyed Bar.

Jedi Knight: So this is where we've come to, eh?

Jedi discovers that the other 'heroes' are Downtown, due to the fact that on the remains of the Bar's door a piece of paper was stapled on, indicating just that.

Jedi runs Downtown, and checks every single ComicBook Convention, and still finds nothing.....UNTIL.......


Voice In The Background: I miss Shatner.

Jedi Knight: Dubloth...? Superman...?
JBond...? thebtskink...? Olorin...? bbf2....? (Goes on for ten minutes).

bbf2/Olorin/dubloth/JBond/thebtskink: WHAT?!

Jedi Knight: Hey, guys, what's up?

'HEROES': Superman's been kidnapped!

Jedi Knight, tired of pushing the 'BOLD' button and typing in the names, types in normal lettering the rest of the story.

Jedi Knight: No way! How?!

Olorin: Well...you see...(Flashback ssequence starts with a voiceover).

Olorin and 'the elite' are seen walking down the street, the sunshine on their shoulders, when a Ninja, covered in black, appears and steals Superman.

Olorin: Wait?!

dubloth: What is it?

Olorin:....That Ninja....I saw him at the Diner............
He forgot to pay tax.


(Sequence ends).

Olorin: THEN, twenty-four hours later, we discovered that we were missing someone, and decided, after a long argument that lasted four hours, that it was Superman.

Jedi Knight:...Nevermind....

Continue the madness.

God bless, peoples,
--The Jedster

[Olorin]

I'll post.

[Olorin]

Olorin: It's true! I saw a Ninja, who didn't pay tax! Do you realise what this means?

Jedi Knight: No, I don't. Why don't you tell me?

Olorin: Well it all started yesterday...

~~~~ fade into flashback ~~~~

Olorin: Wait!

dubloth: What is it?

Olorin .... That Ninja....I saw him at the Diner..........
He forgot to pay tax.

~~~~ fade back to present ~~~~

Jedi Knight: *expecting more, waits for a few seconds.* That's it? *pause* You already told me that you twit!

Olorin: Stop! Stop hitting me! I didn't hit you!

dubloth: LMAO!

Jedi Knight: *shocked* I can't believe you just laughed so hard that your butt actually flew off...

Olorin: That is, by far, so much more disturbing than "My Dream Woman".

dubloth: Mr. Pinchy, get back where you're supposed to be! *slams the butt back into place.*

The Elite minus Supes: ..... Mr. Pinchy?

dubloth: ... I, uh... Sometimes my... underwear pi... pinches... it pinches.

JBond: If I wasn't so concerned for Superman, I'd be forced to hit you.

Olorin: *With eyes still fixated on dubloth* Right... Superman.

Jedi Knight: People, does anyone know what might have happened?

Olorin: Well, it went like this...

Jedi Knight: Oh no...

~~~~ fade to flashback ~~~~

Jedi Knight: Hey, Olorin, don't say it!

Olorin: Wait!

Jedi Knight: *slaps Olorin*

Olorin: Jedi! How did you get into my flashback?

Jedi Knight: This is my topic, I can do whatever I want!

Olorin: But there's this Ninja! Please let me talk about the Ninja! I love Ninjas!

~~~~ fade to present ~~~~

Jedi Knight: No.

Olorin: Great, I typed up a whole two pages for your Bar Room Brawl, and you don't let me advance the story at all. Thanks a ton.

Jedi Knight: You were going to advance the story? Please do.

Olorin: Damn, you called my bluff.

[thebtskink]

thebtskink:So what your saying is Superman is missing? Whatever will we do? :eek:
Olorin:...Somebody please slap him.
Jedi:You, oh master of the obvious, already knew that Supes was mis-
thebtskink:Supes is missing?!? :eek:
JBond:*slaps forehead*
Jedi:Anyway, I didn't know. Now I do. We have to do something now!

...&lt;Jedi leaves to go to the bathroom&gt;

thebtskink: That was your plan?!?
Jedi: (blushing)Uh, no! To the uh, thing.... yeah!
Dubloth:Do you mean the car?
bbf2:*slaps forehead*

[JBond]

&lt;A rock gets shot from a manhole towards bbf2&gt;

bbf2: Wouldn't you know it....

&lt;THUD&gt;

JBond: .....where does this guy keep coming from?!

[thebtskink]

Olorin: And how was the rock thrown through the steel door of the car?

JBond: We're on the street, you dolt.

Olorin: But thebtskink posted that we went to the car.

thebtskink: And we did!

Olorin: So what are we doing out here?

JBond: Poetic License. :D

Dubloth: Why haven't we gotten Supes yet?

JBond: *yawn* Laziness. We union workers only get $5 per hour, you know. We gotta stretch out our actual work like a pack of teamsters at a pancake jamboree.

Jedi: You guys get paid? :eek:

Off in some underground warehouse dark citadel of fortress of solititude or something

Superman: You can never break me ninja! My friends will come and save me! *crickets chirp* guys....?

[JBond]

Ninja: We will let you go Superman, but only if you can answer these three questions!
Superman: Why three?
Ninja: Ok, how about eight!
Superman: Three's good!
Ninja: First question: What is the capital of Afghanistan?
Superman: Kabul.
Ninja: Um....cooooorreeeect! He he!...Next question: How many movies has Chuck Norris stared in?
Superman: Chuck Norris? That loser!?
Ninja: ......do not speak of our God like that again, or you will receive severe punishments! &lt;Pulls out Ninja Star&gt;
Superman: Hey! Isn't that a pog?!
Ninja: Um....wrong pocket....but you get the idea!
SupermanUh, yeah....say....why did you kidnap me again?
Ninja: You parked in a handicap zone!
Superman: Oh.....don't I....pay a fine or something?
Ninja: Silence!! I will ask this only one more time! How many movies did Chuck Norris star in?!?!?
Superman:....I'm sorry, can you say that again, I wasn't paying attention!
Ninja #2 I say we kill him! He's almost as bad as James Bond!
Superman: Huh?
Ninja: James Bond is are rival nemesis! Anyone that knows him...DIES!
Superman: Oh.....who?
Ninja: Nevermind. Answer the question!
Superman: Well....Chuck Norris was such a GREAT GUY and a TERRIFIC actor...it seems like he was in ALL of the movies!
Ninja: Flatery will get you nowhere...handsome! Last question: Will we let you go?
Superman: Um....no?
Ninja: You got the last question right, we won't let you go...so you go now......oh wait...maybe you can't go....let me get some paper.
Ninja #2: He's gone sir.
Ninja: Crap.

[ 06-04-2001: Message edited by: JBond ]

[thebtskink]

Ninja 2: Okay. I can deal with this. The boss doesn't have to find out at all.. In fact, I know just the person to help us!!
*draws symbol on ground*

Ninja: That's the Superman symbol! What's wrong with y--?

Superman: You called?

Ninja: Oh my god! It worked! IT WORKED!!! Harry, you're a genius!!! Lemme give you a big hugggg Awwww I love you so much!!!! *huggg*

&lt;the ninjas turn back towards Supes, and he's gone again&gt;

Ninja: Dammit!!!!

Ninja 2:You know, we really have to stop turning our backs on him.

&lt;Back to the rest of the leet heroes.&gt;

JBond: I wanna drive!!! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!!!!!

Dubloth: No, I wanna!

thebtskink: *breaks down and cries*

bbf2: *Pops his head up at the sound of sobbing, thinking someone is crying for him. After all, it's his umpteenth time dying in this thread. But he gets a ninja star to the back of the neck and falls dead again.*

Olorin: *Briefly looks at bbf2, shrugs his shoulders, then continues talking* Alright, Rock Paper Scissors everyone.

&lt;Everyone draws Rocks&gt;

thebtskink: I won!

Dubloth: No, I won!

Jedi: *slaps forehead*

&lt;Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, from the great beyond, back from the dead, (well, you get the idea), SUPERMAN RETURNS!!!&gt;

Superman: (Nonchalantly) Hi, guys. What's going on?

&lt;Entire crew stands in disbelief, thebtskink steals keys, and hops in the drivers seat, everyone but Jedi, Supes, and bbf2 (well, obviously) hop in&gt;

Jedi: You idiots, Supes is back! We don't need to steal that old woman's car anymore! *points to old woman duct-taped to a wooden chair on the sidewalk*

Crew: (just realizing) Ohhhhhhhhh.....

JBond: So how long have you been gone man?

Superman: About 3 weeks! *Old woman pants* Shuddup, grandma!

Ninja: 3 weeks? Not long enough! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Olorin: Supes, let's go get a beer.

Ninja 2: Hello?!? Two evil Ninjas with black suits and masks and ninja stars and kung fu here!

Dubloth: Want a car? Here's some ke--. Oh my god!!!! bbf2 is dead!!!! AHHHH!

Ninjas: That's right, we've killed him, and now we've come to kill you!! *points vaguely into crowd*

Olorin: Let's run!

Ninja 2: Oh, no.. not you Olorin. Or the rest of you. Our beef's with JBond!

Jedi: Well, nice knowing ya, James... come on, guys... let's go to the bar!

thebtskink: It's in ruins, remember?

Jedi: Alright, ninjas! You're going DOWN!!!!!!!!

[ 06-04-2001: Message edited by: thebtskink ]

[Jedi Knight]

Jedi charges at the Ninjas, and kicks them all in the face, really, really hard.

God Bless,
--The Jedster

[Jedi Knight]

Jedi Knight then picks up each Ninja, and cracks some cool kung-fu moves on them similiar to the cliched 'Matrix' bullet-time moves.

Jedi Knight: (Dances the moonwalk.) Alright, let's go home, you guys.

bbf2: (Pulling the sharp Ninja weapon out of his skull.) Wow, Jedi, that was SWELL!

thebtskink: He's obviously lost lots and lots of blood.

Suddenly a piano falls from the skies....
...and barely misses me.

bbf2: Yay! I'm not dead! (Tree flies through the air and slams into bbf2.)

Olorin: OH MY GOSH!

JBond: What? You're actually surprised?!

God Bless,
--The Jedster

[thebtskink]

Ninjas come back up, just like Agent Smiths

Jedi: Oh, no. Again?!?

JBond: There's only one guy who can beat Agent Smith.....

Keanu Reeves: Hi, guys. What's up?

JBond: ...We need to get Lawrence Fishburne to help us! Hey Skink, get this bum off of the street.

&lt;Skink pokes Keanu in the forehead.&gt;

Keanu: Owwwwwww......... I'm going home to tell mommy on you!

[Jedi Knight]

Laurence Fishburne appears, dressed his 'Matrix' outfit, carrying a shotgun.

Jedi Knight: Let's...leave.

[Jedi Knight]

Jedi Knight and the rest of 'the elite' walk
off into the sunset, as explosions and flying Ninjas shoot across the sky.

(All the heroes get on a horse.)

JBond: Uh....

dubloth: So, where to now?

JBond:...Where did these horses come from?

Jedi Knight: It just adds to all of our 'heroic' images.

JBond: Oh.

Superman: (Raises Hand.)

Jedi Knight: (Exaspirated.) What, Superman?

Superman: WHERE are we going?!

Jedi Knight: How does Israel sound?

Olorin: Here we go again...!

The heroes ride off into the sunset, as the 'Indiana Jones' score hums in the background.


(SEVEN WEEKS LATER.)

The 'elite' arrive in the dilapidated deserts of the Israeli Nation.

Olorin: Uh, why did we come here, again?!

Jedi Knight: Why, to find THE LOST ARK, OF COURSE!

Olorin: Ow, no need to type in caps...I can hear you, alright?

Jedi Knight: Well, anyways...it's our new storyline of the week....I mean, just picture it: us fighting Nazis, looking for the Ark in The Well Of Souls...

JBond:..Excuse me, but isn't this the basic storyline of 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark'?!

Jedi Knight: Quite, you. No, literally, quite down--you're yelling in almost every sentence.

Superman: You're writing the story!

Jedi Knight: You wanna start somethin', Supes!

JBond: Now you're yelling, Jedi!

Olorin: Will everyone BEQUITE!

thebtskink: (Snores.)

dubloth: Now Olorin's yelling!

Jedi Knight: (Fires a shot into the air; silence follows.) Alright, can we move on, please?

'the elite': Alright.

Jedi Knight: Now, it's time to continue with this story.

God Bless, Peoples,
--Jedi Knight, a.k.a. The Jedster

[Jedi Knight]

*Bump*.

[thebtskink]

In the distance, a band of Arabian Nazi Camel Jockeys is approaching our heroes.

Superman: Ah, Arabian Nazi Camel Jockeys!

JBond: Relax, we're in the desert you see, and since there is nothing else in our line of sight, we can see for miles and miles. It'll take them a couple of hours to reach us from where they are. (sips martini)

Superman: Phew.... hey, where'd you get that drink?

JBond: From the Persian Fascist Camel Brusher behind m-- oh crap.

The heroes are taken into custody by the Persian Fascist Camel Brushers as the Arabian Nazi Camel Jockeys arrive--two minutes later.

JBond: D'oh!

Arabian Nazi Camel Jockey Number One: Ach! Unhand those men you vile Unmenschen of Persisch Faschist Kunstgummi Stallknechte!!!

thebtskink (leaning over to Jedi): What did he just say?

Olorin: He said they would fight to the death to protect our rights.

Five minute's pass.

Arabian Nazi Camel Jockey Number 2: Americans, we and the Persian Fascist Camel Brushers have reached an agreement. The Persian Fascist Camel Brushers will take 3 dollars...

"The Elite": phew....

Arabian Nazi Camel Jockey Number 2: ... and we will take your heads.

dubloth: *gulp*

[JBond]

Originally posted by thebtskink:
<STRONG>dubloth: *gulp*</STRONG>

JBond: Hey! I believe that was my martini!

Superman: 3 dollars and all of our heads.....how about 3 of our heads and all of our money?

Jedi Knight: Oh that's MUCH better!

Arabian Nazi Camel Jockey Number 2: Agreed. We will take...you, you and you.

&lt;ANCJ 2 picks DizzoMonkey, bbf2 and the bats and takes everybodys money&gt;

JBond: Well that was pretty painless!

thebtskink: Easy for you to say, you didn't HAVE any money, I had $400!!

JBond: Like I said...

Superman: You know, I'm getting pretty thirsty. Let's go get something to drink.

I'm thirsty too. But where are we going to find water to drink in a desert? It could take us days or even MONTHS to find an oasis!

Superman: Water? Oasis? I was talking about going to that Starbucks over there!

&lt;Superman points to the Starbucks where thebtskink, JBond and Jedi Knight are already ordering&gt;

Jedi Knight: Oh....

&lt;Superman and Jedi also go up to get their drinks. All that is there is a guy, a camel with bags on its side, and a coffee machine&gt;

Jedi Knight: Hey...how do you make coffee with only this?

Abdul: Well, I go back and forth from the city to here on the camel to get the coffee beans, grind them here, and make coffee!

thebtskink: But don't you need water to brew the coffee? Where do you get that?

Abdul: Um...hehe...

Jbond: Hey guys! Try the Double Camel-P Moche!! It's great!

Jedi and thebtskink: .....

[ 06-16-2001: Message edited by: JBond ]

[RationalThinker]

Out of nowhere a slender man wearing a spray painted leather jacket approaches the heroes...

RationalThinker :(looking at Superman)You cannot possibly be Superman because Superman cannot possibly exist!I mean the very idea of a galactic change of venue granting someone the power to defy gravity or project laser beans from his eyeballs is just plain...

&lt;Jbond tosses his beverage in RT's face&gt;

RationaThinker:ACK!

&lt;Superman incinerates RationalThinker with his heat vision leaving only a pile of ashes and a smoking leather jacket&gt;

[Doomsday]

Originally posted by RationalThinker:
<STRONG>Out of nowhere a slender man wearing a spray painted leather jacket approaches the heroes...

RationalThinker :(looking at Superman)You cannot possibly be Superman because Superman cannot possibly exist!I mean the very idea of a galactic change of venue granting someone the power to defy gravity or project laser beans from his eyeballs is just plain...

&lt;Jbond tosses his beverage in RT's face&gt;

RationaThinker:ACK!

&lt;Superman incinerates RationalThinker with his heat vision leaving only a pile of ashes and a smoking leather jacket&gt;</STRONG>

*Doomsday looks upon the ashes*

Doomsday: HA! The little p*ssy couldn't even take Superman. What a wimp.

*Superman grabs Doomsday and shoves Doomsday's groin in a blender. Superman then takes Doomsday by the......stump, and feeds him to thebtskinks worms*

Superman: That's 3 times! :D

[Jedi Knight]

'The Elite' walk out of the Starbucks with several cups of lattes, and ride off into the area of which the Nazis are all digging...digging to discover The Ark Of The Covenant.

Jedi Knight: (Watching from behind a far off hilltop with a pair of binoculars) Seems they're..digging.

JBond: You moron! We already knew that!

Jedi Knight: (Turns around) Positivity, please?! Anyways, what's our game-plan to get that Ark?

thebtskink: Hey, look! (Points to Hitler and his Nazi soldiers jumping into several trucks, with a wooden box placed in the back.)

Jedi Knight: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Superman: I hope I'm not!

Jedi Knight: Skink, you come with me...the rest of you...(Pause)...Go get more lattes.

Thebtskink and Jedi jump over the mound of dirt and run secretly into the Camp site.

Jedi Knight: (Ducking behind a box)Skink, you make sure no one see's me, while I steal that motorcycle, alright?

thebtskink:..Whatever...

thebtskink: (Stands up) Worms! Get your fried worms here! Only $1.99!

The Nazi's all dodge over to thebtskink, waving dollars in their hands, as Jedi secludedly leaps over to the bike, and rides off after Hitler and maybe, just maybe, The Ark Of The Covenant.

Nazi Driving Truck #1: (Looks in Rearview mirror and spots Jedi Knight roaring towards them.) Eek! :eek:

Jedi rides up next to the truck, and leaps to the side of it's roof cover, clinging to it as the wind punches him.
Just then, the Nazi driver pulls out a gun, and shoots out the window, barely missing Jedi, but causing a ricochet to strike the Fuel Tank.

Jedi climbs to the top of the roof, and is struck by the fist of a Nazi thug. Jedi holds on to the cover, but is trampled upon by the Nazi's feet, and loses his grip, sending him down.
But Jedi grabs onto the roof, barely escaping the ground below him as his feet drag on the dirt. Jedi pulls himself up the roof, but climbs to the side, and into the storage compartment.
Jedi stumbles in, and is slammed in the face by the Nazi Thug's fists. Jedi loses his footing, and stumbles out of the Truck, and falls through the roof cover, holding on, as the truck drives on.
The Nazi Thug fires a shot at Jedi as he's pulled on the torn roof cover, but he misses, and Jedi barely gets enough time to fire a shot back, sending the Nazi flying off the truck, and into a Bush.
Jedi then climbs his way back to truck, and climbs his way to the passenger seat of the truck, kicking the gun out of the Nazi Driver's hand, and punching him out.
But the Nazi returns with a severe punch to the Chin, which sends Jedi flying back. The Driver slams Jedi again, sending him out the windshield, and into Danger.
Jedi survives Death simply by holding onto the logo statue on the front of the truck, and climbs back up.
The Driver fires another shot at Jedi through the window, almost striking him in his shoulder blade. Jedi leaps over to the windshield, and kicks down the remains, grabbing the Nazi, by his shirt collar, and throwing him out the door, and into a dirt mound.
Jedi follows at the wheel, overrunning a fruit stand as he pursues Hitler in the next truck.

God Bless, Peoples,
--The Jedster

[thebtskink]

That was some good stuff!

[Jedi Knight]

Thanks.

God Bless, Peoples,
--The Jedster

[Jedi Knight]

This is so sad...

Lord help us all,
--The Jedster

[Godzilla]

Following Jedi Knight is Godzilla with Thebtskink and JBond on his back and Superman flying behind.

[ 07-27-2001: Message edited by: 1godzillafan ]

[Superman]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
<STRONG>This is so sad...

Lord help us all,
--The Jedster</STRONG>

Wait until you get into the Community thread! :D

[Jedi Knight]

This topic is dead.

Farwell, Bar Room Brawl, your time is over.

God Bless, Peoples,
--The Jedster

[JBond]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
<STRONG>This topic is dead.

Farwell, Bar Room Brawl, your time is over.

God Bless, Peoples,
--The Jedster</STRONG>

It may have died...but it will live in our hearts forever.

It's safe to say the CS Bar Room Brawl was the most successful topic!

[Superman]

Originally posted by Jedi Knight:
<STRONG>This topic is dead.

Farwell, Bar Room Brawl, your time is over.

God Bless, Peoples,
--The Jedster</STRONG>

Is it just me or do you mention that like every 2 weeks.

&lt;Cue in "The End" by The Doors&gt;

[JBond]

Originally posted by Superman:
<STRONG>

Is it just me or do you mention that like every 2 weeks.

&lt;Cue in "The End" by The Doors&gt;</STRONG>

It's not just you.

[JBond]

Originally posted by JBond:
<STRONG>

It's not just you.</STRONG>

...my only friend, the end...

[slinger]

Last Call!

[Superman]

This is the end.

[Godzilla]

I hate hearing all these frowing people, what do you want me to do to save this topic?

[Godzilla]

I read the first 3 pages (what you did with Shumacher was hilarious) and I think I know what's going on here.

Originally posted by 1godzillafan:
<STRONG>Following Jedi Knight is Godzilla with Thebtskink and JBond on his back and Superman flying behind.</STRONG>

(As Godzilla, Thebtskink, JBond, and Superman arive at the Nazi base they discover that Jedi was captuered by the Nazis and they hide behind a mountain)

Superman: What are you doing here, I thought we killed you.
Godzilla: ROAR!
Thebtskink: Speak English!
Godzilla: Sorry, they Have me talk this way for all my movies.
Superman: Hey, I asked you a question!
Godzilla: Did you really think that that over grown iguana was me? Theat was the '98 one, I'm the original one and only, and don't forget to fly to Japan this December to catch the opening of my latest project Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah!
JBond: Forget it, we need to get Jedi free!

(Godzilla peeks behind the mountain to see that a golden monster with three heads atatched to long necks guarding Jedi Knight)

Godzilla: Oh *****!
Superman: What is it?
Godzilla: It's Ghidorah.
Thebtskink: Who's Ghidorah?
Godzilla: He's only the most powerful foe I've ever fought!
Superman: (looks behind the mountain) He looks like a weiner to me, he doesn't even have any arms!
Godzilla: Don't let his looks fool you, see his heads? Each one shoots a very powerful electric beam.
Superman: *****!
Godzilla: Allright, I'll go fight Ghidorah and you guys try to sneak past him.
JBond: Wait! You could get killed!
Godzilla: I have to! Remember the Alamo!
Superman: We're not at the Alamo!
Godzilla: Oh, sure, spoil my big heroic moment why don't ya! (Godzilla charges Ghidorah) C'mon, you three headed freak! You want a piece of me! I'll open not one, not two, but three cans of Whoop-ass on you, one for each head!
Middle Head: Oh a wise guy eh!?
Godzilla: Wait, you guys talk?
Middle Head: Sure we do! I'm Moe, the left one is Larry, and the right one is Curly.
Curly: Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk (Moe hits Curly's head with his own head)
Godzilla: OK, this got weird.

(Godzilla grabs Larry and Curly by the necks and Ghidorah uses his massave wings to fly and bites Godzilla's left hand, Godzilla looses his grip, Ghidorah bites Godzilla's other hand and Godzilla falls, hits his head on a mountain and is out for the count)

Godzilla: Mama...

[ 07-27-2001: Message edited by: 1godzillafan ]
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/8901/6.jpg (this is the best image of Ghidorah I could find)

[ 07-27-2001: Message edited by: 1godzillafan ]

[Superman]

Originally posted by 1godzillafan:
<STRONG>I read the first 3 pages (what you did with Shumacher was hilarious) and I think I know what's going on here.



(As Godzilla, Thebtskink, JBond, and Superman arive at the Nazi base they discover that Jedi was captuered by the Nazis and they hide behind a mountain)

Superman: What are you doing here, I thought we killed you.
Godzilla: ROAR!
Thebtskink: Speak English!
Godzilla: Sorry, they Have me talk this way for all my movies.
Superman: Hey, I asked you a question!
Godzilla: Did you really think that that over grown iguana was me? Theat was the '98 one, I'm the original one and only, and don't forget to fly to Japan this December to catch the opening of my latest project Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah!
JBond: Forget it, we need to get Jedi free!

(Godzilla peeks behind the mountain to see that a golden monster with three heads atatched to long necks guarding Jedi Knight)

Godzilla: Oh *****!
Superman: What is it?
Godzilla: It's Ghidorah.
Thebtskink: Who's Ghidorah?
Godzilla: He's only the most powerful foe I've ever fought!
Superman: (looks behind the mountain) He looks like a weiner to me, he doesn't even have any arms!
Godzilla: Don't let his looks fool you, see his heads? Each one shoots a very powerful electric beam.
Superman: *****!
Godzilla: Allright, I'll go fight Ghidorah and you guys try to sneak past him.
JBond: Wait! You could get killed!
Godzilla: I have to! Remember the Alamo!
Superman: We're not at the Alamo!
Godzilla: Oh, sure, spoil my big heroic moment why don't ya! (Godzilla charges Ghidorah) C'mon, you three headed freak! You want a piece of me! I'll open not one, not two, but three cans of Whoop-ass on you, one for each head!
Middle Head: Oh a wise guy eh!?
Godzilla: Wait, you guys talk?
Middle Head: Sure we do! I'm Moe, the left one is Larry, and the right one is Curly.
Curly: Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk (Moe hits Curly's head with his own head)
Godzilla: OK, this got weird.

(Godzilla grabs Larry and Curly by the necks and Ghidorah uses his massave wings to fly and bites Godzilla's left hand, Godzilla looses his grip, Ghidorah bites Godzilla's other hand and Godzilla falls, hits his head on a mountain and is out for the count)

Godzilla: Mama...

[ 07-27-2001: Message edited by: 1godzillafan ]
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/8901/6.jpg (this is the best image of Ghidorah I could find)

[ 07-27-2001: Message edited by: 1godzillafan ]</STRONG>

Ah memoires....

[Godzilla]

OK...I think it's obvious from Supes post thet nobody is going to continue it so I'll give everyone a choi9ce and I'll continue it.

Should Supes and JBond...
A. Rescue Jedi like Godzilla said.
B. Help Godzilla.
C. Stay behind because they are about to wet themselves at the sight of Ghidorah.
D. Stay behind and try to figure out why Ghidorah is named after the Three Stooges.

[thebtskink]

D.

[Jedi Knight]

Maybe we should close this thread? Eh? I wasn't whining for somebody to post in this thread, I was actually asking for somebody to close it.

Sheesh,
--The Jedster
And Jabez cried out to the Lord,
"I pray that you would bless me indeed! And enlarge my territory! That your hand would be with me, that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!"--Chronicles 4:9

[Godzilla]

No, Jedster! You created this thread with a dream, and I, the all mighty King of the Monsters, shall continue that dream! Are you with me!?

:cricketts chirping:

Fine I'll do it myself, D it is!

Superman: Why are each of Ghidorah's heads named after the Three Stooges?
Thebtskink: Well there are three of them.
Superman: Well why didn't they use Shemp instead of Curly?
Thebtskink: Curly came before Shemp.
JBond: No, Shemp came before Curly, Curly was just the first in their solo shorts.

(while Thebtskink, JBond, and Supes argue, Ghidorah starts sneaking up on the KO'ed Godzilla)
Moe: Now we've got you where we want you.
Curly: You will never escape!
(Moe hits Curly with his head)
Moe: I do the evil lines around here.
Larry: Yeah!
Moe: Who asked you? (Moe conks Larry with his head. While Ghidorah gets into an argument, they don't notice Godzilla's spines glowing. Godzilla lifts his head up and give Ghidorah a dose of his radiation breath.)

Superman: What's with this worms crap!
Thebtskink: Yo' mama!
Godzilla: Shutup you guys! Go and Save Jedi!

(Supes, Thebtskink, and JBond find there way past the battle and rescue Jedi)

Godzilla: (to Ghidorah, who has all three heads traped under a rock) Sorry man, can't play no more. (Godzilla joins the group)
Superman: Good job Big G.
Godzilla: Thanks.
JBond: Are you OK Jedi.
Jedi: Yeah, but I did some thinking and Jedi Knight sounds so unoriginal so from now on I want to be called The Jedster!
Superman: Well thanks G, Bye.
Godailla: Wait, can I join?

Will our heroes:
A. Acept Godzilla into there group.
B. Reject him because he's too big for the Headquarters.
C. Is accepted by Supes only as a faithful Guard dog and they build a giant doghouse by the HQ.
D. He is rejected and follows along anyway ala Vanilla Ice at the begining of the thread.

[Link]

You want me to close this topic Jedi?...Just making sure.

[Godzilla]

Don't do it yet Link!

C'mon Jedster! Let us continue if you don't want to. You want us to write you out somehow? We could say you hooked up with Jessica Alba and got married.

[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: 1godzillafan ]

[Link]

I said ''Just making sure'' I wasn't going to do it like that!

It's up to Jedi

[Jedi Knight]

Gosh, guys, you act as if this is real life, or something. And no thanks to the marriage proposal ;).
Anyhoo, let 'Zilla' post a few his posts, then, I guess, let one of those 'elite' guys close the story up. Then Link, I guess you can delete the thread entirely.

God Bless, Guys,
--The Jedster

[Jedi Knight]

Okay, topic's going to close soon, guys, get your 25$ in now, cuz' this topic's going on a stairway to Heaven.

God Bless, Guys,
--The Jedster