How The Coming Soon! Posters Spent Memorial Day Weekend

[slinger]

Written two years ago it features many posters no longer here. So that might not interest you but it still has a few good parts.


This is the sequel to my Drinking Bash/Scientology story. It took me from May 2001 to October 2001 to finish this. I'm lazy and was busy. The story starts off on Wednesday May 23 and ends roughly early in the morning New York and mid-day in England.
Please read The Coming Soon! Posters’ St. Patrick’s Day George Walker Bush Style Drinking Bash, so you're totally clued in on what's going on. <a href="http://www.comingsoon.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=15&t=000497" target="_blank">Click Right Here</a>Or you can read the summary below.

[ 05-27-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]
[ 08-09-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[ 10-20-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]</p>

[slinger]

The Coming Soon! Posters’ 5th Holiday Related Event:

HOW THE COMING SOON! POSTERS SPENT MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND

Previously titled:
The Follow Up to The CS! Posters’ St.Patrick’s Day George Walker Bush Style
Titled A Funny Thing Happened To Me On They Way To The Theatre To See ‘Pearl Harbor’ On The Memorial Day Long Weekend

The following events take place in the same universe, but is a alternate universe
to us. As a refresher here I go: Some movie star Scientologists, lead by Travolta
and Cruise took over Spider-Man Hype! and Coming Soon!, they brainwashed Mirko
and kidnapped S-MH! posters so JBond, Superman, slinger, bbf2, President Bush,
Charlton Heston tried to stop Travolta but it didn’t go the right way, since Bush
screwed up and then Superman and slinger almost died and JBond was taken away
while Jedi Knight and thebtskink came in and saved the day, or so they thought
because JBond turned out to be a traitor as the CS! Crew and actress Nicole Kidman
escaped. While this was going on the recently demoted Olorin, dubloth and Theta
got drunk and then got into a rumble. Superman and slinger encounter JBond and
Travolta at a local 7-11, where Travolta died and JBond was stunned. Superman Ten
Minutes Ago (a misshap created by Superman by altering the Earth’s rotation ala
‘Superman:The Movie’ ;) and his mistress Nicole Kidman then tell the two mods
what’s up.
Everyone goes to Tunisia where Cruise has the hostages held for what
purposes, no one knows. On the way they meet Reader, Superman Ten Minutes Ago
is beaten up by Heston and Heston went off with Jack Palance to fight. After a brief
scrum in Cruise’s stripclub where Jedi Knight was shot and Superman injured by
Cruise’s hired goon Al Gore and it was revealed that bbf2 and thebtskink are in
cahoots with Cruise. JBond appears and hell breaks lose. Cruise betrays bbf2 and
thebtskink and shoots bbf2. A fire started and Cruise left and JBond followed while
thebtskink was hit by a wood beam. The stripclub exploded after the CS! Crew left.
Cruise thought he was in the clear before Gore almost killed him, but Gore was
actually killed by Cruise’s boss: Dark Horizions Associate. He tells Cruise to watch
out, ‘cause JBond will be after him and kill him. The CS! Crew were attended to by
medical staff when Witness Protection Agents approaced them. Everyone left Tunsia
[except Jedi Knight who was in a coma] with new identities. Back in Texas Mirko got
back to normal and Olorin, dubloth, Theta and janitor Kevin Roegele were also put
in the WPP. Mirko decieded he would rebuild CS!/SMH!, since the CS! Building exploded and the SMH! Building was in flames earlier.
With everyone’s lives altered drastically it seems almost impossible for the CS! and SMH! community to see ‘The Biggest Blockbuster Of The Year’: Pearl Harbor. But not all things are impossible....


[ 05-27-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[ 10-20-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]</p>

[slinger]

May 23, 2001
Spider-Man Hype! Building
Mirko’s Office

Mirko is sitting at his desk on the phone.

Mirko: No no no. I can’t. I’m going to see ‘Pearl Harbor’ on Friday. I’ll go see
‘Shrek’ on Sunday if you want? ..... Fine! Be that way! I’ll just bring someone else
who is smarter than you! (hangs up phone) Now lets check the rolodex for
DizzoMonkey’s number. What am I saying? Is DizzoMonkey the smartest? He can’t
be. There must be tons of other posters still at CS! Assistant, come in here!

Mirko’s newly hired assistant walks in. She appears to be a little annoyed.

Mirko’s Assistant: What? I just had Alicia Silverstone on line one.
Mirko: Really? She’s still alive? Anyway she’s not important. Can you give me
the list of posters/mods from CS! and SMH!?
Mirko’s Assistant: Why don’t you look at JBond’s topic from your archives?
Mirko: I want current memebers. *annoyed grunt* There hasn’t been a huge
amount of people sigining up ever since the incident. CS! blown up, and all the
SMH! posters taken away. What do we have sixteen at each one?
Mirko’s Assistant: Sixteen at Hype! four at Soon!
Mirko: And how am I affording to keep you on?
Mirko’s Assistant: You don’t. This is through my school. You know
expierencing jobs before machines take them over.
Mirko: Oh yeah like Data. I don’t know why he wan’t disliked by the crew. He
took someone else’s job.
Mirko’s Assistant: So anyway, why do you need the list?
Mirko: I need someone to come with me to see ‘Pearl Harbor’. You would be
under youth right? That would save a few bucks.
Mirko’s Assistant: I’m under adult.
Mirko: Really? Well maybe if we can dress me up as a senior we could save a
few dollars. No wait. Old people makeup and clothes would cost more than it would
to see the film.
Mirko’s Assistant: I see some of my...
Mirko: SHH!! I just got an e-mail! The subject reads: Virus. I better open
this.

Mirko opens the e-mail. Mirko’s computer has now been infiltrated by a computer
virus. The virus spreads thorughout the building.

Mirko’s Assistant: Why would you open that?
Mirko: I thought it contained info on the film ‘Virus’. You know about a sequel
or DVD stuff.
Mirko’s Assistant: You didn’t have my e-mail address in your list did you?
Mirko: Ahhh... yeah sorry.

London, England
On a Double-Decker Bus

Barry Balistics [aka Superman] is riding on top sitting beside Kevin Roegele.

Barry Balistics: Funny how we work in the same building. And your name is
the same.
Kevin Roegele: Quite. You know I’ve never sat beside such a handsome man
before.
Barry: Are you coming on to me? ‘Cause if you are, I’m way truned off.
Kevin: No, its just us Englishmen aren’t that nice to look at. Then you cross
the pond with your new identity, and you’re **** of the walk.
Barry: Ohg! You are coming on to me! Go sit in the seat across from me.
Kevin: Very well.
Barry: You said you were night janitor at Channel 4. Its daytime now. Where
are you going?
Kevin: To my second job. I work at a comic book shop from 9-1. Then I go
home, shower, have supper and sleep till 9. Get up and off I go. Its jolly good.
(annoyed) See what you’ve made me do.
Barry: I can’t help it if I say the occasional ‘jolly good’ and for some reason
everyone I come in contact with starts saying it. Oh hey I found a Cadbury Flake on
the floor! (starts eating the already open/half eaten candy bar) Jolly good this is!

[ 05-27-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

Chicago, Illinois
Substandard & Son - Private Detectives

Two private detectives are sitting at their individual desks. Each eating cereal. Their
arron boy Hank Kruger (aka slinger) saunters in.

Hank Kruger: How’s the cereal?
Dan K. Substandard: Perfect. Not to, soggy not to hard. You know how to
make a good bowl of Corn Pops.
Hank: Thanks. Say when are you going to change the door? I mean your
son...
Substandard: Is dead! I know! Damn Scientologist girlfriend took him to
California! I haven’t heard from him since! Say Krug, how do you feel about those
Scientologists?
Hank: Hehe.. um I ah, never met any. Or a help kill one, so I wouldn’t know.
Enough about me. The question remains, when are you going to change ‘Son’ to
‘Daughter’?
Substandard: Not enough room for ‘Daughter’.
Hank: Sure there is.
Substandard: Too much money?
Hank: You pay me $50,000 a month. &lt;whispers&gt; Thank-you Witness
Protection Agency.
Substandard: What was that?
Hank: Ah, your daughter has something to say.
Saira Substandard: Yeah dad! Pass the Lucky Charms.
Substandard: Krug take the LCs over to Saira.
Hank: So any leads, on the Widow Case?
Saira: Well we found out the boyfriend was making stop-motion gay porn
with clay models. Then broadcasting it on the internet. Apparently, he goes to this
movie site and rants about his ‘masterpieces’. We don’t know which one. Do you
know of any?

Kruger thinks back.

Flashback to Monday, March 5, 2001
The Coming Soon Building! MMMR

The mods are gathered in the Monday Morning Meeting Room at the long table, once again waiting for Mirko. Superman is playing ‘Zelda’ on Olorin’s Color Game
Boy that he stole. Bbf2 and slinger are having a pork eating contest. Piles of
sausage, bacon and ham are pilled infront of them, while Pagz wathces and Olorin
judges. Niels is for some reason is dressed as a chef and has a charcoal barbecue
going and is cooking burgers. JBond and dubloth are testing out various brands of
shaving cream and razors. Dubloth squirts some shaving cream on JBond’s nipples.

Superman: Just like ‘Varsity Blues’! Or the drugstore scene from ‘9 1/2
Weeks’.
Pagz: Hurry up, slinger! Bbf2 is already onto the bacon!
JBond: There wasn’t a scene with shaving cream at a drugstore, in ‘9 1/2
Weeks’!
Superman: Oh yeah. That was just me and the maid out getting stuff.
dubloth: Pass the Mach III.
Olorin: So when is Mirko coming in? HEY! I saw that bb!! You vomitted up
some sausage and bacon on top of slinger’s ham! You’re out! Slinger wins!
slinger: Goouehool. I need a glass of O.J.
Superman: Whoops. Forgot it. It’s in the white Bronco. I’ll go get it. Here
Pagz keep on playing. Just find some fairies.
Olorin: Didn’t I use to have one that color?
Superman: No. I’ll have a cheesburger when I get back Niels.
Niels: Sure thing! Who wants a burger now?
bbf2: I’m not too full. I’ll take one.

Superman walks away. Kevin Roegele the janitor walks in with a big broom and a
bucket and starts cleaning up the pork and regurgitated pork off the floor and table.
JBond knicks his neck and blood starts sparying out. He clucthes his throat.

JBond: GUYS!!! I DAMN BLADE!!
bbf2: What not enough sharpness?

Blood now is spraying through his hans onto chairs and the table. Kevin looks pissed
off. Olorin rushes to the ‘Revenge of the Sheep Shearer’ movie poster on one of the
walls. He takes out a little remote contol. JBond falls on top of the table and is
screaming. The poster slides to the right and reveals a little closet of medical
supplies. Olorin grabs it and heads for JBond.

Olorin: Okay we need to freeze your nerves in your neck.
JBond: Hurrrrry! Damn!
Pagz: I’ll fix that.

Pagz judo-chops JBond in the back of the head. It doesn’t do anything. JBond
punches Pagz with his free hand. JBond faints.

bbf2: Guess he lost too much blood.
slinger: Lets stitch him up!

Olorin begins to start seewing up JBond’s neck. Mirko slams the door open. He is
covered in tar and chicken feathers. He looks exausted.

Niels: Want a hamburger Mirko?
Mirko: Not now. Ugh. You wouldn’t believe what happened at the drive-thru.
I’m at the McDonald’s Drive-Thru waiting for my McRat-Sausage, while a septic tank
truck colides with a chicken truck by the nearby street. The smell was just horrible.
There was chicken feathers and chicken feed everywhere. Then the car behind me,
started on fire. Everyone left their cars and headed for inside the resturant. Then a
tar truck drove by and skidded on the liquid waste..
slinger: A Pepsi truck crashed too?
dubloth: No. The septic tank contents spilt onto the street.
Mirko: ...oh wait. It there also was a Pepsi truck. But anyway the tar truck
skidded into the McDonald’s and flipped over. Everyone got tarred. Later when
medics arrived, someone knocked over a few chicken coops setting free some
chickens. They qucikly went after us, since various foods were stuck all over our
bodies.
Superman: What? I just came in, and heard ‘stuck all over our bodies.’
Sounds interesting. Here’s the orange juice.
dubloth: Mirko is just telling us what happened to him today.
Superman: Oh. Boring. Pagz gimme Olo.. a um, my Game Boy back. WHAA?!
Pagz you beat the game?!!!
Mirko: After ripping the chickens off, the Pepsi truck crashed.
slinger: Wow. What an age we live in.

End Flashback

[slinger]

m o r e t o c o m e . . . . .

[JBond]

Originally posted by slinger:
<STRONG>Mirko’s Assistant: Why don’t you look at JBond’s topic from your archives?
Mirko:I want current memebers. *annoyed grunt</STRONG>

You know, soon I will have it so that every member that ever register will be on that list, including the recent ones. :)

[slinger]

Substandard: HANK!! You all ‘ight? We went on the internet to comingsoon.net, and did a search. We found the boyfriend’s profile and looked at his location. It’s Madison, Wisconsin.
Hank: Really? I knew someone from Madison.
Saira: Who?
Hank: No one wanted by the FBI.
Substandard: Well we’re off. Coming?
Hank: Sure. I’m in need of some cheese.

Hank grabs his jacket and heads for the door. Substandard looks around the room,
closes the door and locks it.

Jenifijasoleez, Mexico

A dirt farms as far as the eye can see. A old house, a shed and lots of dirt. Oh and
lots of children. Olorin’s new identity lives here. Kenny Hopeland. Father of fourteen children divorced four times and married a fifth. For some reason, all the children and ex-wives live here too. Olorin didn’t like that. Kenny is out tending to the dirt. Removing any debris from the surface. He is hot and sweaty and just fed up with this life. His sultry fifth wife comes up to him.

Mrs.Hopeland: Ken, aren’t you hot out here?
Kenny Hopeland: Well yes. But I was hoping it could get a lot hotter. Wink
wink. Nudge nudge.
Mrs.Hopeland: The kids are still up.
Kenny: There always up! Plus half of them are range from 17-21.
Mrs.Hopeland: Jose isn’t one of mine is he?
Kenny: No. He’s from my first marriage. Why?
Mrs.Hopeland: Oh cucumbers would be great about now. Why don’t you drive
and get some. From Jerome, Arizona. That’s where they’re the bessst.
Kenny: Well alright. For you I will.
Mrs.Hopeland: Good. I’m going to help Jose, with the plumbing. Bye!
Kenny: You know having five wives who are nymphos should’ve been great. Damn WPP! Nymphoids running around everywhere and they don’t want me. Well I should just get the hell out of here. Maybe I’ll go see ‘Pearl Harbor’.

Kenny throws down his cheap rake and heads for his Toyota Crapavelle. Opens and
slams the door. The car putters away.

New York City
Outside the Statue of Liberty

Tom Hatkins aka Superman Ten Minutes Ago is trying to pick up some ladies. But
unfortunatley his new identity acts like kryptonite to women. He is dressed in NY
type clothes with a NY Yankee ball cap on. He has grown a beard, since he thought
he looked good with the Sharpie drawn beard. He approaches a arousing woman.

Tom Hatkins: Excuse me, I saw you at the top and you dropped this 20.
Woman: Are you sure?
Tom: Why yes. I couldn’t forget a face like yours.
Woman: Thanks. That’s very nice of
you.
Tom: Well I saw you and said. ‘She doesn’t deserve to lose that money. Or not
meet a guy like me.’
Guy: Honey who are you talking to? HEY!! IT’S THE PERV FROM YANKEE STADUIM!!
Woman: What? Him?!!
Guy: YES HIM! Remember we asked for some hot dogs, I caught him looking down your shirt and he said, ‘Those nips of yours are small. I like it.’ Then I gave him a dirty look and he ran away before I could do anything!
Woman: You’re right!

The Woman grabs the twenty dollar bill out of Tom’s hand and the Guy punches Tom in the face. Tom stumbles backwards into a huge pile of pigeon crap. The couple walk away. Tom looks at his situation.

Tom: UHG! Look at this?! Who doesn’t clean this stuff up? And what is the size of the bird that does this?! &lt;sniffs&gt; Yuck! I’m all salty. What time is it? 3:45. I better get inline for my ticket for ‘Pearl Harbor’.

Tom stands up, slips and gets the front side of him covered in crap.

Mystery, Alaska
The Frigid Eskimo

In this seedy bar, Ronald Skinner aka dubloth, is sitting in a booth with his huskies all laying on the floor. He is approached by three elderly men. Ronald looks up at them.

Ronald Skinner: Jeebus! What are you doing here?
Charlton Heston: We’re here to see you.
Sean Connery: And if there’s a damn problem, then we’ll have to settle it,
man to man.

[slinger]

Jack Palance: Easy Sean.
Connery: That’s Sir Sean to you, you Viagara dependent wrinkled peice of refuse!
Heston: Fellas! Lets not try to draw attention. Unless you have NRA Membership Kits, ‘cause I’m all out. Now what was your name again?
Ronald: Ronald. Or dubloth.
Connery: I had sex with a woman whose last name was DuBois.
Ronald: Marta?
Connery: Maybe.
Ronald: I know a lot about celebrities.
Palance: Really. Who starred in ‘Past Tense’?
Ronald: ‘Past Tense’? Um ah, Scott Glen, Anthony LaPagila and Lara Flynn Boyle.
Heston: Who the hell cares? We need your dogs!
Palance: I think he’s right.
Ronald: I am. Why my dogs?
Connery: Speaking of boils... I’ve got this big one on my...
Heston: Waitress! Git this man a drink to shut him up! We’re planning to
invade England. And since Huskies are not very common in England they are the perfect beast to set loose. I’m assuming they are man-eaters?
Ronald: &lt;laughs&gt; Seriously? That’s funny. They ain’t man-eaters. Why are you invading England?
Heston: The beef we ate in Tunisia, made us sick and we found out it came from England.
Palance: So we called up Connery, Eastwood and Hackman and started stockpiling supplies. Eastwood and Hackman are off getting some polar bears and a tank.
Connery: So give us your damn Huckies so we can destroy England!
Waitress: Here’s more whiskey.
Connery: Thanks lass. Take off your panties.
Waitress: What the f*uck did you just say to me gramps?
Connery: Ooh. She has a dirty mouth. I like that. Take off your panties.
Waitress: Hmm. Normally I would slap anyone who said that, but for some reason I can’t resist.

The waitress puts down her tray and slips off her panties under he skirt. She picks
them up and give them to Connery. She walks away.

Connery: See lads. No books will teach you how to do that. Only Connery can
do that.
Ronald: Please take the Huskies! But teach me your skills!
Connery: Well I guess I can’t live forever. Better leave some things that I can
be proud of before I die.
Ronald: Heh heh. Yeah, well it ain’t ‘Zardoz’. I mean thanks.
Palance: Well lets get these doggies moving.
Ronald: Now I guess I won’t be able to see ‘Pearl Harbor’ this weekend.
Heston: Though it does have lots of guns, you should spend your money on the real summer movie.
Ronald: ‘Tomb Raider’? Way ahead of you.
Heston:NNOO! ‘Planet of the Apes’!! Damn hippie.

Jerome, Arizona
Deadly Snake Bar

Niels and Pagz, who are not in the program, are sitting on two stools. Drinking a
drink created by a local. It’s called a Snake Bite. They’ve gotten themselves a good
tan selling salsa and cucumber by the highway.

Niels: Another Snake Bite, Henry.

[ 05-31-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[thebtskink]

Originally posted by slinger:
<STRONG>Waitress: Here’s more whiskey.
Connery: Thanks lass. Take off your panties.
Waitress: What the f*uck did you just say to me gramps?
Connery: Ooh. She has a dirty mouth. I like that. Take off your panties.
Waitress: Hmm. Normally I would slap anyone who said that, but for some reason I can’t resist.
The waitress puts down her tray and slips off her panties under he skirt. She picks
them up and give them to Connery. She walks away.

</STRONG>


Beautiful! :D If I'm still alive, can I have an elaborate disguise too?

[slinger]

Originally posted by thebtskink:
<STRONG>
Beautiful! :D If I'm still alive, can I have an elaborate disguise too?</STRONG>

Hmmm... well since you asked for one sure.
That's if you are alive. But there's always flashbacks. Any prefrences for your new identity?

[thebtskink]

No preference.... just make it funny!

[slinger]

Pagz: Shouldn't we head back to the stand? I hear Roscoe is raising his prices because of the long weekend. So we should keep the prices the same, so we attract more customers.
Niels: You mean we charge people, to buy our food? I thought it was a barter thing.
Pagz: Why did I have to get drunk and end up here with you?
Female Voice: You seem to ask a lot of questions.
Pagz: We watch Jeopardy!
Niels: Why do you care?
Mira: Hello, I'm Mira. I think you'd like to talk to me. I have information concerning Coming Soon!
Pagz: The porno? We've seen that already.
Niels: Maybe it came out on DVD. Did it?
Mira: I'll have a Snake Bite, Henry.

Tunis, Tunisia
Poor Sector

Jedi Knight is laying on the street, with a ripped shirt and Sears Activewear shorts. Some Chinese organ thieves have made off with the last of his not really vital organs. He awakens from his coma.

Jedi Knight: Ow, my side. Feels like some one ripped my insides. Aw shiet! Did they make off with my wallet too? All I have left is my ticket stub from 'Tron' and a coupon for some detergent. My eyes are killing me.
Mysterious Voice: Need help my friend?
Jedi Knight: Even with my lack of body organs. I still know who you are.
Mysteriuos Voice: That maybe, but atleast I don't need a diaper.

Jedi Knight looks down. He has soiled himself. He looks disgusted.

Jedi Knight: Got any diapers?
Mysterious Voice: Yes I do. Ones left over from Bush.

[ 06-01-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

Chez Haggis
Dumbarton, Scotland

Here in this ‘fancy’ resturant, Phil McCrackin (aka Theta) is welcoming guests to his establishement. Decked out in a kilt and huge sideburns he greets a parton.

Parton: Hey there Sonny Jim! Got my favourite table for me?
Phil McCrackin: Aye! Mr.McVites! Iris, take Mr.McVites and his guest to his
usual table.
Iris: &lt;whispers&gt; But sir, Andrew McLeod is using it now, remember?
Phil: One moment Hugh. (turns to Iris)&lt;whispers&gt; Heaven to bettsie! I mean sh*it. Well is he almost done?
Iris: &lt;whispers&gt; Just a few more bites sir. Then on to dessert. What are you
going to do?
Phil: &lt;whispers&gt; I know just the thing lass. Stay here and keep McVites busy. &lt;normal tone&gt; Um, it appears I’m needed in the kitchen. Some thing about where the lamb sauce is.
McVites: Sure thing. So how much you gettin’ paid for this job lass?
Iris: I get fifteen pounds plus tips.
McVites: Oh geez! I just... I um the bathroom!

Mr.McVites runs off to the washroom pushing Iris down. Iris is mad at this act.
McVites’ friend helps her up.

Iris: What’s up with him?
Beckhim Brody: Too much spicy lamb. Hello, I’m Brody, Beckhim Brody.
Iris: Ooouu. The Bond-style introduction. I’m Iris.
Beckhim Brody: Yeah I heard it and saw your name tag.
Iris: &lt;flirty&gt; Jerk. So how do you know Mr.McRunnycrap?
Beckhim Brody: Oh I met him just yesterday. He said that this place is the
place to be when your in Dumbarton.
Iris: That’s what it says on the matches we give away.
Brody: Oh, neat. Do you have any cheese?
Iris: Well first...

All of the sudden the fire alarm goes. The kitchen doors swing open with a thick
clould of smoke exiting the doorway. Chefs and other staff flee the kitchen
coughing. Phil is carried out by a big chef. Fire spreads throughout the kitchen.
Partons start running breaking through the windows and doors. Iris and Brody exit
too. The walk up to a coughing Phil.

Iris: What the bloody hell happened?
Phil: *cough* I started a little fire, so we could exit. So Hugh and Andrew
wouldn’t see each other. It got a little out of hand.
Brody: A little?
Phil: Say where is Hugh?
Iris: He’s in the sh*itter, with the runs.
Phil: Ah shasbud!
Brody: Anyone tell you, that you look Alec Baldwin?
Phil: No they say Stephen. My brother looks like Alec.

[slinger]

Dubloth's Hotel Room

Dubloth is packing his suitcase with the old men and dogs looking around the room. Connery picks up a dildo.

Connery: Say, what do you use this for lad?
dubloth: PUT THAT AWAY! (grabs it)
Heston: Quite a hold on that device you got there.

Dubloth places it in his suitcase, next to a blowup doll, a DVD of 'Exotica' and the latest issue of Maxim.

dubloth: My girlfriend likes it. She just left it here.
Connery: I've got a garage full of stuff ladies left over after they've felt 'The Connery'!
Palance: You should put that stuff on eBay. Make a few bucks.
Connery: Interesting. Bucks from fuc...
dubloth: Heston thats not a weapon put it down!!
Heston: I bet you we would attract more female members if we made a vibrator/pistol device.
dubloth: Will you guys stay out of that dresser!
Connery: Jesus H. Christ! Look what he has in the bathroom! A lady!!
Heston: Is she an NRA member? I may have to persaude her. Excuse me boys.
dubloth: HEY! HEY! OUTTA HERE!! GO BACK TO THE LOBBY!
Gruff Voice From Room Nextdoor: KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!!! I'M WATCHING 'TEEN WOLF'!

[ 06-04-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

Connery makes a startly discovery. Dubloth's lady friend is dead.

Connery: Ah, whatever the hell you're called. Your female friend is dead.
dubloth: WHAT?!?!

Dubloth, Palance, Heston and a few huskies run into the room. Her dead body is floating in the bathtub. She is a cold white flesh colour. With a stream of maroon blood across her face.

Heston: Who? What?
dubloth: They must've came here to kill me!
Palance: What the?
dubloth: We best get outta here!

Dubloth runs to his suitcase, closes it, grabs his coat calls all his dogs to the door.

dubloth: Lets go geezers!

They leave the hotel and turn around. Instantly dubloth's room explodes.

Heston: Did you pay for tomorrow?
dubloth: For the next five days. Okay guys someone is trying to kill me. Let's get out of here and to England!
Connery: The plane doesn't leave until 5:34. So we can stop by Denny's and get the Seniors Special.
Palance: I managed to save one of your sex toys. (holds it up)
Connery: That looks like a powertool.

[slinger]

Feedback? Feedback?

[thebtskink]

Oh, sorry.. thought you wanted thread for yourself. Funny stuff, man. Come on, everybody, SPEAK UP!!!!!

[slinger]

Outside Madison, Wisconsin
Just After Sundown

Substandard's Oldsmobile Intrigue pulls into a Exxon station. He gets out and puts in the gas pump.

Substandard: Fudge! That's pricey for gas! And since when did they start selling badger meat?
Saira: You can afford it, dad.
Hank: I'll guess he'll have to stop shopping at Target.
Saira: Uh, dad is still banned from Wal-Mart.
Hank: How did that happen?
Substandard: Oh I got in a fight with a huge woman. We started trash talking. And I tell you it was pretty easy insulting her. I mean the way she presented her self was disgusting. But anyway we started destroying merchandise and shevles and employees.
Hank: How did you destory empolyees?
Substandard: I didn't. She did. It was like watching WWF. And I tell you she could've played for the XFL. But she's married to Bob Costas and well you know how employees and companies and families work.
Hank: No I wouldn't and I don' know.
Substandard: Are you mocking me by saying and a lot?
Saira: Um, Hank have you ever been banned?

Hank remembers back when he was known as slinger...

Flashback...
Burger King
December 2000

Slinger, Reader, Superman and JBond are sitting at a Burger King table eating their meals.

slinger: Never thought I would be in a dump like this again.
Superman: Are you going to eat that, Reader?
Reader: No! Get your own Kids Meal!
JBond: Here have my Whopper. It has hair in it.

Superman grabs it and starts eating.

slinger: Okay, why would MrGlass invite Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabado to the CS! Building?
JBond: Hey that janitor looks confused on what we are talking about.
Reader: Hey its Kevin.
Superman: Oh crap! Look away! Don't make eye contact!

Slinger spills his Sprite on the table and floor by accident. Kevin turns, looks at the table where the guys are sitting. Kevin starts walking towards them.

Superman: --mutters-- Moron!
JBond: &lt;whipsers&gt; Abort! Abort!

Reader runs into the kids play place and hides under the plastic balls in the ball pit. Superman flies through the roof. JBond presses a button on his watch and some green mist comes out. He leaves the resturant. Slinger runs and sits down at another couples booth. Webmistress and Niels are sitting in the booth.

Webmistress: What are you doing here?
slinger: Shhh! Kevin is here!
Webmistress: Where?

Slinger points to Kevin cleaning up the spilt Sprite.

Webmistress: OH MY GOD!
Kevin Roegele: I get that a lot.

Superman and JBond are standing oustside. Some women walk by. Both put on their smug faces.

Superman & JBond: Ladiesss.

The ladies turn in disgust.

JBond: What is keeping Reader and slinger so long?

[JBond]

Madsion! Haha. Watch out for all the damn construction

[slinger]

Back Inside

slinger: You haven't seen MrGlass have you?
Niels: I know I haven't seen him hanging around the SMH Casting Forum Floor.
slinger: Okay thanks. Sorry about ruining your date.
Webmistress: IS THIS WHERE YOU ALWAYS RUN OFF TOO?? TO CLEAN UP SPILLS?!!!
Niels: Its okay. I was going to break it off anyway. Go leave.

Slinger runs to the ball pit.

slinger: Reader? Come on lets go!
Reader: Phwew! Couldn't hold my breath too much longer.

Reader gets out of the ball pit. They proceed to the doors and view Webmistress still yelling at Kevin.

Reader: Those aren't his colours.
slinger: Agreed.
Reader: How about we get some BK crowns?
slinger: Okay. That would piss off Superman.

Reader and slinger head up the counter.

End Flashback

Saira: Hank?!! You gotta stop freezing like that.
Hank: I'm sorry.
Saira: Say, um do you want to go see 'Pearl Harbor' this weekend?
Hank As a date?
Saira: No. Well if you want it to call it one.
Hank: You are an older woman.
Substandard: Okay we're gassed up. And I mean it. I just gulped a can of microwaved beans.

[thebtskink]

you've got writing talent, dude.

[slinger]

Thanks.

[slinger]

New York City

Tom Watkins gets in line. He is forth. Ahead of him are three people who have created a little shanty town. Tents, chairs, tables, TV, Star Wars cardboard standups and a indoors barbecue.

Tom: You guys came prepard.
William: Well you half too, if you're going to see the best movie of 2001. Hi I'm William. Over there is Julia and Edward.
Tom: Sp you all think that 'Pearl Harbor' will be the best movie of the year?
William: I do. Julia know it will be The Lord of the Rings movie. Ed is a
'A.I.' guy.
Ed: Don't deny. It will be the best! What do you think?
Tom: Well I saw a porno that was better than 'Cast Away'. Actually it was the porno version of 'Cast Away'. Would you like to hear what it was called?
All Three: Nope.
Tom: Really? It's very smart.
Julia: Say what's your name?
Tom: Tom Watkins. I used to work for the Yankees.
Julia: Trainer or management?
Tom: A yeah something like that. I thought my talents were best suited for something else.
Ed: Say you seem like a nice guy. We'll let you in on something. See the people in line at the other theatre across the street? They are our mortal foes. 'Pearl Harbor' starts at 12:05 on Friday for them. Our starts at 12:10. Now take in account trailers, commmercials and getting everyone in. Say eight minutes. They'll still see all of the movie before us. So we're going to delay them, so when we walk out of the theatre they'll still be watching Dan Akryod's giant head on screen.
Tom: Why do you hate those three?
William: Tuesday, May 18, 1999. We were in line for 'Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Meanace'. Being camped out for a week we got on each other's nerves. We got in a huge fight about theatre butter and real butter. The campsite was trashed. We spent the night in jail. Then the next day we went back to the theatre. Some kid who just saw the movie blurted out that Liam was killed by Darth Maul and Senator Palpatine and Darth Sidious were one the same person. So we watched the movie and blammed them for the spoiler incident. They blammed us. We haven't said a nice word since.
Tom: Are you the real butter people?
Julia: Yes.
Tom: I'll go get my tent and sleeping bag!

Tom runs off, while the three look over to the others who are playing Trivial Pursuit.

[slinger]

Niels and Pagz's Misc. Vegeatable Stand
Jerome, Late At Night

Kenny [Olorin] pulls up his 'shagon wagon' to the stand. He tries to gets out. The air conditioner doesn't work so he his shirt is soaked with sweat, and has caused him to be stuck to the seat. He finally gets free, but rips the back half of the shirt.

Kenny: Crap! That was my last shirt! What are the chances that this is the Niels and Pagz I know? Hello? Are you still open?
Pagz: OLORIN! My God! What has happened to you? Mirko finally can your ass?
Kenny: Something like that. Listen, I'm in the Witness Protection Program, so you half to call me Kenny.
Pagz: I'll call you Ken. You can call me Pagz still. Come on back, Niels and Mira would like to see you.
Kenny: Mira?

Kenny looks back and sees that his Crapavelle has be harvested for working parts. They left his sweaty seat though. Kenny looks in disgust. They walk behind the stand where to old sofas and a coffee table are.

Kenny: This is worse than New York! Say Pagz are there any gangs in this town?
Pagz: No. More of a cult.
Niels: Hey Olorin! Where did you come from Hell?
Kenny: Yeah.
Mira: So you are the one called Olorin?
Kenny: I'm Kenny now. Who are you?
Mira: Let's just say I'm a friend. I work for the CIA and someone is trying to kill you. All of you.
Kenny: What? But we're in the WPP, they couldn't find us, whoever they are.
Mira: I found you. And we have to find the others. Someone doesn't want you to talk. If you ever talk.
Kenny: About that whole Scientology thing? But I never went to Tunisia. I stayed in America. I didn't even see Travolta.
Mira: Yes, but you know about them. That's why you are in the program. But these people are too good. They'll find you and kill you.
Kenny: Wouldn't they have made contact by now?
Mira: They already did. Well not you. Your friend dubloth. His hotel was blownup.
Niels: Is he alive? How do you know?
Mira: He was in town. We checked his Visa. I heard over CNN that a hotel was a destroyed.
[b]Pagz:[b] Do you have other agents after the other guys?
Mira: Sorry no. This isn't top priority, so only two agents have been assigned.
Kenny: So is he alive?

[slinger]

Somewhere between Dumbarton and London
Early Morning

A train rides the rails. In a passenger car, Phil and Iris are sitting.

Phil: My God. It's only 4 A.M.
Iris: You're just lucky Beckhim had these train tickets. Now I'm aiding a fugitive.
Phil: What? He hasn't died yet! I payed off most of the employees not to tell it was me who started the fire atleast untill Sunday. So why did you come... with me?

Beckhim Brody opens the door and walks in. Iris stares at him. Phil's eyes roll.

Brody: So?
Phil: You know you didn't have to come.
Brody: I like to come. All the time. I mean I'll only go with you to the next station. Then I'll rent a car and head (they go through a tunnel) into London for that... convention.
Phil: What kind of convention is it?
Brody: A Scientology convention.
Iris: You're a Scientologist?
Brody: Why are you a anti-scientite?
Iris: No. I just thought you were...
Brody: Well actually I'm curious. I don't follow any faith. But I heard about this and thought, hey what's the worst it could do?

Kevin Roegele's Hole In The Wall
London, England


In this very crampt living space, Kevin resides. Furniture includes, mop and slop bucket. Rake and broom. A old dirty volleyball, with broom britsles sticking out of the top. Jutted out ledge used as a bed. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sleeping bag and empty Irn-Bru Drink bottles and cans. Clothes are stored in a garbage bag. Important imformation is written on the walls such as: look both ways, Saturday: Laundry Day, Coronation St is on at 5: so go to mum's and how many days he has lived there (89). A duct tape table made of entirely made of duct tape and duct tape rolls. Kevin is having a hot dog and sitting on his sleeping bag. Outside a ringing is heard. Its a pay phone that Kevin uses as his personal phone. He drops his hot dog. Mustard smears on Rapheal's face.

Kevin Roegele: AHHH! Now only Leo is clean. This better be important. Hello? Yes. Jolly good thank you. Damn! No sorry! Its just I say jolly good a lot now. I hate it. This Saturday? That seems sudden. Two pounds? I could make more being a male pros..
Barry Balistics: HEY KEV-IN!! WATCHA DOING? TALKIN' TO YOUR JOLLY GOOD LADY-FRIEND? Invite her over. You, me, Emily and her can party till noon! We'll all have a jolly good time! Oh by the way, this little lady is Emily. She's jolly good in the sack. And I should know we just did it (looks at his watch) forty-two minutes ago.
Kevin: I'll take the job.

[slinger]

Back on the Train

Phil is looking outside the window. Brody and Iris are drinking some 7UP.

Brody: Ever see 'Unbreakable'?
Phil: A yeah.
Brody: I thought it was a good movie, except they didn't show the train crash. You suspect something is wrong and then BOOM! Hospital. Would've been cool to have seen the train crash.

The train's velocity increases. Iris burps. Phil becomes nervous.

Phil: I don't believe it!
Iris: What?
Phil: Reese! Flying Reese Peanut Butter Cups! Just like the commerical!
Brody: Those weren't fake!
Phil: So that finally explains the crop circles.

Three giant Reese Peanut Butter Cups fly to the right of the train. One glides over top of the train. And moves towards the front of the train.

Iris: Just who makes those things?
Phil: Hershey makes them right?
Brody: Well I don't know. Cadbury, Nestle, Hershey, Mars...

The rogue cup has moved far ahead of the train and has landed on the tracks before another tunnel.

The Pentassa Hotel

Hank, Saira and Substandard are heading towards their respective rooms.

Substandard: We'll head for guy's place tomorrow and catch the bastard.
Saira: Hank could you go get me a Five Alive? I like to have one before I sleep. (hands money to him)
Hank: Sure. I could use a Powerade, too. I'll pay. Here take my bag in.

Hank saunters towards to vending machine area. To his horror he finds only Pepsi products.

Hank: Shight! Stupid Pepsi. Say there was a 7-11 nearby. Hopefully Coke isn't outlawed in Madison. (exits hotel) What's going on here?

Hank sees some men dump a body bag in a trunk of a 1990 Dynasty. Hank walks up to them.

Hank: So you guys like the Dy-Nasty? My cousin has a Used Cars place. You could trade in your Dynasty. What is it a '90?
Strong Guy: Yep.
Hank: Trade in your 1990 Dynasty for a 1988 New Yorker. A blue one. Just like this.

The Strong Guy looks at the Small Guy. They nod.

Small Guy: Why are you giving us this auto trade in crap? We know you saw everything.
Hank: So what are you going to do?
Strong Guy: Bag you.
Hank: Bag me?
Small Guy: Bag yeah, and send you to our boss.

The Small Guy kicks Hank's shins. Strong Guy puts him in a Westerner head lock.

Hank: OWW! AHHHUM! Could you not pinch my nose!
Strong Guy: Get a size six bag.

Strong Guy raises a pipes and hits Hank over the head with it. Small Guy drags a huge FedEx bag. Strong Guy lifts Hank and places him in it.

Small Guy: Are you sure FedEx is reliable? I saw 'Cast Away'. So did you.

[thebtskink]

Originally posted by slinger:
<STRONG>
Small Guy: Are you sure FedEx is reliable? I saw 'Cast Away'. So did you.</STRONG>

LOL! :D

[JBond]

Yeah thats funny!

[slinger]

Early Thursday Morning
Infront of the Vegetable Stand

Niels approaches Pagz, carrying Mira's purse.

Niels: Hey look what I found.
Pag: You were in Mira's purse?
Niels: She's lying. She works for Dark Horizons. She wants to kill us. ....Before you ask how I found this out, I'll tell you. I spilt both salad dressings and went in her purse for a tamp...
Pagz: Who cares! We gotta find Olorin,
Mira: Have you seen my purse?
Pagz: Standard Injuring Play.

Pagz and Niels charge Mira and take her down. Pagz punches Mira in the face, stops puts on some big hard rings on a few fingers and continues punching. Niels is twisting her ankle. A Greyhound bus with Women's Rights Activists pulls up. Out pour angry women.

Niels: OLORIN START THE CHEVY!!

New York City
Lineup for 'Pearl Harbor' @ Olympian Theatre

Eddie is frying eggs and bacon in a frying pan, sitting on a lawn chair. Julia and William get out of their tents yawning. Tom Watkins exits the porta-potty.

Tom: Nice porta-potty.
Eddie: Thanks it's my dad's. Dodson Porta-Potty Rentals.
Tom: Your last name is Dodson?
Eddie: Yes.
Tom: {while chewing bacon} Dodson! Dodson! We got Dodson here! &lt;laughs&gt; I've been waiting for alnost ten years to say that.
Eddie: Glad I could help. Here's your eggs.
Tom: Don't get cheap on me Dodson. Say isn't that a FedEx bag?

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[JBond]

Originally posted by slinger:
Tom:[/b] {while chewing bacon} Dodson! Dodson! We got Dodson here! &lt;laughs&gt; I've been waiting for alnost ten years to say that.

Glad I could help

[slinger]

Poor Sector of Tunis
Evening

Jedi Knight and bbf2 are sitting (no chairs) on top of a roof top, drinking some lemonade.

Jedi Knight: So you want my help to get back to America?
bbf2: If it wouldn't be any trouble? I know me and thebtskink tried to kill you, but it was for money. If it was for say one Oreo I wouldn't. But thebtskink stole my ticket sold it and took off for the States. Leaving me here in the this urine stench sand box.
Jedi Knight: And what would you do once you got back? Ump. Sour.
bbf2: I would find that worm loving SOB and make him expierence what I have suffered for two months.
Jedi Knight: You should try a coma. Time flies.
bbf2: What happens in a coma.
Jedi Knight: You watch movies for the very first time again.
bbf2: I'd like to see that 'Pearl Harbor'. Or 'A Knight's Tale'. Dave Manning gave that a good review.
Jedi Knight: Dave Manning seems to give good reviews for only Sony movies.
bbf2: Think he works for Sony? Maybe gets a little under the table?
Jedi Knight: Probably. He must be living the good life.

Core of a Giant Reese Peanut Butter Cup,
The Bridge

The interior of a Ford Explorer more or less located in the centre of the cup. With a few more screens and fans. Ronald (dubloth) is driving this huge treat. Jack Palance is sitting in the back.

Palance: This peanut butter is pretty good.
Ronald: Will you stop eating the cup!
Palance: Haven't you seen 'James and the Giant Peach'? They ate some and it was alright.
[b]If you start eating it, we'll... HEY! Why is Connery and Heston landing? TRAIN TRACK? Those looney bastards! I should've seperated them!
Palance: Well if the train goes through the cup....

The train nudges into the giant Reese Cup. Chuncks of chocolate and peanut butter fly everywhere. Some windows break as everything inside goes black. The brakes are pulled.

Palance: Does this thing have a beam-transporter of some sort?
Gene Hackman: *over radio* Dubloth what are they doing over?
Ronald: (picks up radio) Who knows! Over.
Hackman: *over radio* Are invasion is blown. I'll tell them to exit the cup and you can take Heston. We'll take Connery. Heston you wacko! Abort the cup!
Heston: *over radio* I won't abort! The captain goes down with the ship.
Ronald: Then the invasion is over.
Connery: *over radio* Where's the bloody damn eject button? Ah here it is. It should be labelled better.
Heston: *over radio* How could you not see it? Blind Scotsman.
Connery: *over radio* Bastard. Finish this on top!

Ronald looks on his display screen and sees an explosion on top of the cup. Soon Connery and Heston emerge fighting. Heston picks up a chunk of chocolate and throws it at Connery. Connery falls down. He takes out a Drambuie bottle and hurls it at Heston. The bottle smashes on his face. The shattered glass cuts his face and the liquid burns Heston's eyes.

Heston: AGHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SCOTTISH DRINK IS THIS?!!!
Connery: That's no drink. That's my own bloody urine. There's no bathroom's in that deathtrap called candy.

The two other cups are now in position and are ready to take the seniors aboard.

[thebtskink]

Hehe... bbf2's gonna put me in a coma. :D

[slinger]

Mirko's Office

Mirko is sitting in his office. All power has been shut off due to the virus. He is working on his laptop. His assistant enters.

Mirko's Assistant: Do you really need me today?
Mirko: Well not really. I sure wish tech was here. He'd solve this if he hadn't betrayed me and then killed by Tom Cruise.
Mirko's Assisant: Too bad. Tommy is cute.
Mirko: Say I have someone saying they are the real Doc Brown. He was Bob Gale's neighbor and later Robert Zemeckwhatever's friend. He claims he did invent a time machine. But he used a '74 Diplomat instead.
Mirko's Assistant: Really?
Mirko: Yeah. I'd thought I could use a laugh. Come on, I'll take you to White Castle, later.
Mirko's Assistant: You're paying.
Mirko:.....Damn.

Somewhere in Nevada
Thebtskink's Worm Ranch


Thebtskink is driving up to his mail box. His huge ranch features worms of all kinds. To the common earthworm to thos giant ones in 'Tremors'. He stops and opens his mailbox.

thebtskink: Bill, bill, insurance form, bill, oo that sex book arrived, bill, coupons for Pizza Hut... GOOD GLAVIN! WHAT IS THAT?!

Olorin, Pagz and Niels are crusing down the dirt road with the Greyhound bus no far behind. Thebtskink walks onto the road and start waving.

thebtskink: NIELS! PAGZ! TURN HERE! TURN RIGHT!! &lt;cough&gt;&lt;cough&gt;

The drive right by covering thebtskink in dust. So does the bus.

thebtskink: &lt;cough&gt; No one does that to Skinky. (pulls out flute similar to Willy Wonka's. plays a short tune) That should get their attention.

The ground shakes and two giant worms push the ground up and head in the direction of the vechiles.

[slinger]

Theatre Line,
New York

Hank has gotten out of the bag and told the four what happened to him. Hank and Tom play along as if they know each other. The others plan on ruining 'Pearl Harbor' for the others.

Eddie: Why don't we use Reese Pieces to lure them away. Just like in 'E.T. The Extra-Tere...
Tom: You know I saw the porno version of that.
Hank: Really? They made a porno out of that classic?
Tom: Yes. 'E.T. The Enlarged Testicles' You see the alien has big testicles. Elliot is a 'sixteen year old female', Ellie. Gerty is played by a Drew-lookalike. The mom sleeps around, and well ET he likes 'phone home'.
Julia: How could you watch that?
Tom: Very entertaining. I think better than the non-porno version. It has everything of the non-porno, but has porno.
William: Where do you find these movies?
Tom: I thought we could watch one tonight. Its the porno of 'When Harry Met Sally'.
Hank: Well I think we know the title.
William: Say where we going for lunch?
Eddie: Let's go to Pizza Hut and get some Twisted Crust Pizza and breadsticks.
Julia: Let's go to that deli that's always on Letterman.
Hank: Now you're talking.
William: One of us has to stay here. Rock-Paper-Phaser tourney.
Hank: Phaser? Rock beats that right?

A limo pulls up beside them. The window opens up and President Clinton and a woman are inside.

Clinton: Hello fellow Americans. How you all doing?
Tom: Great.
Clinton: ME TOO! I was just heading over to my new office in Harlem, when I heard on the radio that they found Al Gore's body in Tunisia. You wouldn't happen to have a TV? 'Cause this thing only picks up Showtime and Playboy.
Julia: I got a portable. I'll go get it. (gets up, goes to tent)
Clinton: Damn you're pretty. Have you boys met Jessica? Say hello.
Tom, Eddie, Hank, William: Hey.
Jessica: Billy, I'm getting cold with the window open.
Clinton: Don't worry, I'll put a stop to that. But first I needs my info on the status of Robby.
Hank: Robby?
Clinton: Little nickname for Al. Robby the Robot. Get it? &lt;laughs&gt; She's Jessica Rabbit.
Julia: Here it is. CNN Headline News.
Reporter:+on TV Screen+ ....the body is pretty much decayed. His body was robbed of any money he must have had. He was last seen at a local night club that was owned by actor Tom Cruise. That's all I have now. He's body will be transported back to America very soon.
Clinton: Damn.

[thebtskink]

Great stuff! Keep it up!

[slinger]

Tunis Airport

A airplane is been boarded. As well as Al Gore's fat dead body. Bbf2 and Jedi Knight are in the Subway of the airport. Drinking some water.

bbf2: You don't think the water is worse than Mexican water?
Jedi Knight: Well it says one out of three Mexicans can't tell the difference between Mexican water and Tunisian water. Whatever that means. But I think our may concern now is how are we going to get aboard that plane.
bbf2: Listen Jedster, ol'bbf2 has things planned out. We'll chuck Gore body out and for a couple of minutes you and me will be in the coffin/cooler thingy. We get out, highjack the plane and head for Spain.
Jedi Knight: I thought you wanted to get back to America?
bbf2: Oh yeah. We highjack the plane and crash it in Howard Stern's house. Of course he jump out only second before to view the havoc.
Jedi Knight: Why don't I use my Jedi Mind Tricks™ to get aboard?
bbf2: Well yeah. I don't now how to fly a plane. If you remeber the CS! Chinese New Yea... &lt;choking&gt;
Jedi Knight: Don't make me do that again.

The Tom Jones Train Station
London, England

The train with Brody, Iris and Phil pulls in. Melted chocolate is covering all the cars. The train slowly made its way through the giant candy and has now made its way to the station. The passengers exit.

Brody: That was strange.
Iris: Do you think the British Air Force will attack those things?
Phil: Do they have a airforce?

Outside London

The two Reese cups are dodging some fighter planes.

Connery: BLOW THOSE ASSES OUTTA THE SKY!!!
Hackman:And how are we going to do that?!! Defenseless!
Connery: Who's the damn moron who didn't put weapons on this thing?!! James Bond could always count on Q for gadgets and weapons.
Ronald:*over radio* This is real life Sean! Nothing in the Bond movies ever happened!
Connery: I did have sex with...

Ronald shuts off the radio.

Ronald: Idiots. Okay lets land in the Thames.

[slinger]

Heston: Let on top. I've got a rifle and fifty rounds.
Palance: Why do you like guns so much?
Heston: Have you ever fire a gun?
Palance: Never answer a question with a question.
Heston: That's it I'm going on top. I'll see you girls in hell. Give my regards to Tim Burton.

Heston starts climbing in a hole already dug. It goes up on a slant. Peanut butter smears his clothes.

Ronald: Determined isn't he?
Palance: Better turn the radio back on.
Hackman:*over radio* Connery! Clint! Break it up! You have to reamin focused.
Connery:*over radio) Why should I listen to you Penis-Face? When was the last time you had a good movie?
Hackman:*over radio* When was yours?
Connery:*over radio* Never answer a question with a question. Ask Heston. My last movie with that boy. 'Finding Forester'. I was considered for an Oscar, but that damn Academy is older than me!
Hackman:*over radio* You're right Herpes-Head. I didn't even get a damn Golden Globe nom for 'Enemy of the State'!
Palance: Sorry to but in.
Clint Eastwood:*over radio* Don't mind at all. The dependents on Depends were just b*itchin about not getting an Oscar for their lastest farce.
Connery:*over radio* This coming from a man who was in a film with monkey. And not fake ones like the ones Chuck was in.
Ronald: Speaking of Chuck, he went on top. He's going to shot some fighter planes.

Heston is now at the top of the flying candy. He is hiding in the tunnel. He takes aim at a fighter, and fires.

Heston: Take that you dirty Brit!

The plane is hit and the wing explodes. The plane than moves to the left and collides with another. The three other planes back off.

Heston: Still got it. Ut. Looks like we're going under water. Which is stupid since there is a giant hole in each one.

[slinger]

Not Far From Thebtskink's Worm Ranch

The ol'Chevy Suburban is breaking the speed limit while the bus is almost out of gas as teh two giant worms are not to far behind. The bus comes to a stop. Empty tank. Pagz sees this and turns the Chevy around facing the bus. He sees the ground moving.

Olorin: Wait a...
Pagz: Should we save them?
Niels: Naw.

The worm knocks the bus on its side. The women start screaming. One smashes a window, and climbs out.

Olorin: What is she doing?

She jumps off the bus and starts running towards the Chevy. One worm heads for her.

Pagz: Do we have any flares?
Niels: This isn't 'Jurassic Park'! This is real life. Gun it! We drive towards her grab her, any women that jump on this thing we take untill we're safe.
Olorin: Too late she's dead.

The worms than attack the bus eating anything they can get. Women scramble to the top of the bus.

Olorin: Well guys, lets do it.

They all hold hands ala 'Thelma and Louise' and the Chevy speeds towards the bus as the three scream.

Doc Browhn's House,
Houston, Texas

Mirko and Mirko's Assistant are by the front door waiting for a Doc Browhn to open it. He does. Moments later they are sitting in his living room.

Doc Browhn: So you see, those b.astards stole my life. Everything.
Mirko: So there really was a Marty?
Doc: Yes. But actually it was a Mandy. Amanda McFly. Everyone called her Mandy.
Mirko's Assistant: What happened to her?
Doc: Well with the knowledge she gained by travelling into the future she became rich married a superstar and then divoriced, had a sex change and beacame a U.S. Senator.
Mirko: Too bad. So where's this time machine?
Doc: I'll show you. Are you going to post this on your site?
Mirko: We'll see.

The three go into the garage. A PT Crusier is in the garage.

Doc: On my last trip I got my time machine converted into a PT. Wanna try?
Mirko: Sure.
Doc: Well you can't. Not trained properly.
Mirko's Assistant: Well I've seen 'Back to the Future' 49 times, 'Back to the Future Part II', 45 times and 'Back to the Future Part III' 39 times so if you claim to be who you are I know a little something about time travel. Mirko could you.

Mirko punches the Doc, puts him in a submission move while Mirko's Assistant grabs the keys off him. Doc taps out.

Doc: Ow ow woww. Take it!
Mirko: I guess you can drive.

The two get in the car and buckle up. Doc takes a breather and thinks. Mirko's Assistant looks at the controls.

Mirko's Assistant: Okay time circuits on. Where do you want to go? May 25, 1977?
Mirko: How about August 10, 2001. We can see almost all the summer films. I'm sure he has time money around here. And we don't have to see every film together. Then we get back and can get a jumps on all the sites with reviews and spoilers! CS! will be reborn.
Mirko's Assistant: Sounds like a plan. August 10, 2001.
Doc: DIE!!!

Doc has a golf club and starts hitting the time machine.

Mirko: Hope he doesn't break Mr.Fusion. But that is a good Jack impression. To the future!
Mirko's Assistant: To the future!

The time machine drives through the garage door and down the driveway. Doc chases after them. The car soon reaches 55 Mph.

Mirko: It says in the manual this one needs to reach 77 Mph.

The car pulls onto the highway and goes into the future before hitting a truck.

[slinger]

Theatre Line

The group is gathered around in a circle. William and Julia are playing a ‘Star Wars’
board game. The other three are talking about pop culture.

Tom: The thing I don’t get is how the Ockmonics never saw Alf.
Hank: Well I find it quite odd too. Speaking of ‘A.L.F.’, how about the sister?
Eddie: Helllo! What a hottie! Do you think Alf was attracted to her?
Tom: I perfered the mom.
Hank: I don’t know. I’m sure there is some perv who thought of that and
wrote some erotic fan fiction and its on the internet.
Eddie: Ah aheh yeah I guess so. What a loser that ...guy must be.
Julia: Didn’t you used to have a ‘A.L.F.’ Fan Fiction website, Ed?
Eddie: No. ‘Alfie’ Fan Fiction. Just some short stories. But its not up anymore.
So don’t try looking.
Tom: Say aren’t we going to head out soon?
William: Oh yeah. Hank forgot to tell you. We nabbed some tickets for
Conan. Only four. So one has to stay.
Eddie: I think I’ll stay. That stuff President Clinton left over is making me
queasy and I probably shouldn’t be to far from a drain.
Julia: I told you not eat that Chinese food.
Eddie: But he was going to throw it out! And I’m sure the ingredients give off
something that attracts the ladies.
Hank: Yeah well that makes sense. Food attracts hefty women.
Tom: Don’t knock the hefty women. Its cool when they let you try on their
underwear.

They all stare at Tom.

Tom: A my twin brother told me. Honest.
Hank: Oh your twin brother. Right.
Julia: You weren’t in my backpack last night were you?
Tom: I was hungry and happened to stumble upon your matching ‘Aliens’ bra
and panties. They were a bit tight.....


Golden Cactus Googleplex
August 10, 2001

In the lobby Mirko and Mirko’s Assistant meet up.

Mirko: I just saw ‘America’s Sweathearts’. Don’t go see it.
Mirko’s Assistant: The preview looked good when I saw ‘Fast and the
Furious’. I think the best film I saw today so far was ‘A.I.’
Mirko: Well I snuck into ‘Jurassic Park III’. Great scenes. Story is not so
good. ‘Final Fantasy:The Spirits Within’ is only playing once today. Looks like it
didn’t do to good.
Mirko’s Assistant: Isn’t the Spidey trailer playing on that one?
Mirko: Yeah. We should see it at 9:45.
Mirko’s Assistant: Sure. Say wanna get some lunch and then go see ‘Planet of
the Apes’?
Mirko: Okay.
Mirko’s Assistant: Remember White Castle.

They walk out of the theatre and towards the time machine. Mirko ducks.

Mirko’s Assistant: What is it?
Mirko: It’s Doc Browhn! Over there! He’s driving around looking at parked
cars. Okay. We get in the time machine and head back.
Mirko’s Assistant: Why don’t we head back a day? Or six hours ago?

Six Hours Ago

The time machine pulls in and parks at the very back.

Mirko: Now be carefull. There’s another Mirko and another you. What movie’s
have you seen?
Mirko’s Assistant: ‘A.I.’, ‘Fast and the Furious’ and ‘American Pie II’.
Mirko: And I saw ‘JP III’, Julia’s latest and ‘Tomb Raider’. We can’t see any of
those. So we go see the apes and then the Spidey trailer. We go back to May, leave
the PT at a parking lot and leave a note at Doc’s.
Mirko’s Assistant: Sure. I’m just going to pick up some lady stuff.
Mirko: I promise the minute we get back to May whatever I’ll take you to
White Castle.

London, (Merry Old) England

Kevin is at a Safeway buying some food. Barry and Emily are tagging along.

Barry: Does Safeway sell some jolly good con-doms?
Kevin: I don’t know.
Barry: Well when I do the jolly good with Ms.Jollygood, I don’t want to have
a wee boy running around in nine months.
Emily: Why not honey?
Barry: That’s not the nickname I like.
Emily: Sorry Mr.Goodbar.
Emily: You’re welcome Ms.Jollygood. Say look at the rack on that piece of
beauty.
Kevin: Ms.Hourglass-body! ....What? Can’t I say stuff like that?
Barry: No it freaks me and Ms.Jollygood out.
Kevin: Will you quit saying JOLLY GOOD!!!

[ 08-09-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

Studio 8H, Late Night With Conan O'Brien

William, Julia, Hank and Tom have nabbed some kick ass seats. Right in the first row. Conan is doing his monologue. Doing so-so.

Conan O'Brien: And last thing I'll mention. I'm not making this up. I guy in Canada wanted to test out his bullet proof vest. &lt;some laughs&gt; To do this he got his friend to aim a shotgun and fire at him while wearing the vest. &lt;more laughs&gt; In a unrelated story, former President Clinton asked some hookers to test some women condoms of his. He loves the ladies! Folks, we have a great show. From the new movie 'Pearl Harbor' Josh Hartnet.
&lt;various girly screams and claps&gt; I see my fan club also knows of his work. And the lovely Tina Fey is here. &lt;claps&gt; She knows a good Clinton joke. And we cap of the great Friday show with...
Tom: What smells?

[slinger]

Conan: Excuse me? Heheh someone from the audience just asked what smells. &lt;few laughs&gt; That of course would be Max's crack. Um he'll sell you all some after the show. I'm joking. Right Max?
Max Weinberg: Yes, Conan.
Conan: &lt;quickly&gt;Liar. And are last guest is a funny guy. Mark Maron.
Tom: Hey Conan I really smell something. Like TNT.
Julia: Will you shutup the tall nerdy guy is doing his show.
Conan: Don't worry we'll just edit this all. It will be me laughing cut to Max and then back to me with a straight face standing in a different spot.
Tom: Where's the Jeff Ross guy? I think there's a bomb in the studio. &lt;audience becomes worried&gt;
Hank: &lt;whispering&gt; How do you know?
Tom: Remember I have some superpowers.
Conan: Ah sir if your going to disrupt me I'm going to have to send you to Al Roker's dressing room. That way you'll be either eaten, sat on or molested. Or all three.
Audience Member: OH GEEZ THERE'S A BOMB UNDER MY SEAT!!!

The audience and staff scramble everywhere. People raid the desk and steal the mircophone, mug and pencils. Conan sees this and goes after a guy who stole some pencils. Julia and William head out of the studio. William falls down. He is helped up by an old man. Gasp! It is the Dark Horizons Associate.

Dark Horizons Associate: Up you go.
William: Thanks sir. Who would put a bomb here?
DH Associate: Someone crazy.

Hank and Tom are hiding behind the desk, as security enters the studio. Tom sniffs a some shoes that happen to be under the desk. Hank finds some Gold Bond powder.

Hank: Use your superpowers to destroy the bomb!
Tom: What? How? By eating it?
Hank: Wait a sec! The last time I encountered a bomb, Olorin shoved it in Mirko's giant T-Rex. It was in the ass.
Tom: Well I don't know.
Hank: Judo chop the guards quickly and then drop your pants and shove it in.
Tom: Can you shove it in?
Hank: Sweet 'Goodfellas', NO!
Tom: Okay. I guess it'll fit in easy. After that trip to the horse..... I mean... ah..
NBC Security Guard: Hey you two! Getta outta thera!
Tom: Say didn't I see you on CBS?

Tom grabs the guard's testicles and twists them. He falls to the ground.

[slinger]

35 Minutes Later

Crowd surrounds NBC Studios as news crews are interviewing various important NBC staff and celebrities.

Conan: Well actually the bomb has seemed to have disapeared. It was in my studio and then it was gone. (moves closer to camera) &lt;deep low tone&gt; I know it was you Kilborn. Only you could master a plan like that. But there's just one thing I don't know. &lt;normal&gt; How you get your hair like that? I mean we've all seen what this hair can do and well it ain't pretty.

Meanwhile Julia, William and Hank are walking away from the studios.

Julia: Where did Tom go?
Hank:Ahh... apparently him and Stone Philips got stuck in an elevator and became friends and now they're off to dinner.
William: Wooo. My cell is vibrating. (takes it out, presses talk) Ahoy, hoy. Slow down. Really? Okay there was a bomb scare here so we'll be there in about twenty minutes. Bye. Eddie says that the theatre is planing a midnight showing of 'Pearl Harbor'.
Hank: Midnight? But we'll miss Conan. Maybe we'll be on? I gotta phone someone and atleast let them tape it.
Julia: Sure use my cell.
Hank: (dials) Hello 411 I need a number for someone in...

[slinger]

Reginald Casknew (Reader)is sitting in his New Zealand office, proofreading the latest issue of Newzeal Magazine. After taking hormone pills Reginald has matured many years. His phone rings and he presses 'speaker phone.'

Reginald Casknew: Hello, this is Reginald Casknew. Proofreader for Newzeal Magazine, New Zealand's fourth most read news publication.
Hank: Reggie! It's your ol' pal. Reconize my voice?
Reginald: Yes. Reginald remembers. How did you get this number.
Hank: I'll give you the 411. I phoned 411 to find you. I need you to phone Opposite Guy. He's unlisted and I forgot his number.
Reginald: Why should Reginald phone Opposite Guy?
Hank: Stuck talking in the third person?
Reginald: Yes.
Hank: What time is it there?
Reginald: Reginald doesn't know. I'm still stuck on Mountain Time. Thew that felt good.
Hank: You sound deeper.
Reginald: Reggie talks deeper.
Hank: Well me and some friends were on Conan today and we'd like you to get Opp to tape it.
Reginald: I guess I could do that. Personal long distance phone calls will probably get me fired from this hell hole.
Hank: Later Reggie! Oh and someone might try to kill you. (hangs up)
Reginald: Now what was his number? Okay country, and area code and 555-9696.
Got to cut my nails. Hello?
Opposite Guy: Bye!

Opposite Guy is at a table on top of a tall building in L.A. He is wearing no clothes and sits on a stool.

Reginald: Opp its me Reader. I don't need your help.
Opposite Guy: You need my help eh?
Reginald: Don't tape Conan O'Brein tonight.
Opposite Guy: I can do that.
Reginald: Don't send me a suitcase of porn.
Opposite Guy: Whatever you say.

Reginald hangs up the phone, and bites his nail.

Opposite Guy: Well better make Reader some porn.

Opposite Guy pulls a camera from under the table and starts taking pics of his naked body.

[slinger]

Flight 624
Somewhere over the Pacific

Jedi Knight and bbf2 have managed to get seats thanks to Jedi's Mind Tricks.

bbf2: Alright I think its time we took over this flight?
Jedi Knight: Are you sure you want to do this?
bbf2: Haven't you seen various movies with airplanes featured in them? It will be a since. I ate some of those spicy nuts an hour ago. Those things were hotter than Satan's balls. I fart a few times and the whole crew will be jumping off this plane faster than Indy, Short Round and Steven's wife, who was in a movie were she was a lesbien, did in 'Temple of Doom'.
Jedi Knight: I'll hold my breath.
bbf2: Okay. It was a silent one.

The passnegers' heads behind them explodes. Bbf2 gets up while Jedi Knight is in a seisure-like state because of breathing a little bit. Bbf2 comes back and pretends he has a lightsabre. Jedi hands it to him. Bbf2 melts a little whole in a window. Soon the terrible stench is gone from the plane. Jedi and bbf2 head for the cockpit.

bbf2: What a mess. Shame the stewardess had to die. I wanted to join the Mile High Club with her.

[slinger]

Theatre Line 11 PM

The four get back in the line where Eddie is sitting on a green lawn chair watching TV and has a fire going in a large can of Super Beefos™. He gets up.

Eddie: What kept you?
Hank: We followed a guy who we thought was Donnie Whalberg and it turned out to be Joe Piscopo.
Julia: The man would not shut up.
William: Change it to a network that might cover the bomb threat.
Eddie: 'Nightline' might provide info on the threat at NBC.

Ted Copple is at his usual spot as Eddie changes it to ABC.

Ted Copple:(on screen) Hold on. Just a minute. I have breaking news. The plane carrying late former Vice President Al Gore has been hijacked. I repeat the plane with the decomposed body of Al Gore is no longer heading to Washington. Instead it appears it is going to London, England. This is just coming in. We'll have more on this in a moment. I just want to infor our affiliates we might run a little longer tonight. If you just joined us, I'm Ted Copple.
Eddie: Geez. (turns TV off)
Julia: Who would do that?
Tom: Idiots if you ask me.
Hank: Hey the box office will let us buy tickets now!

They move up to the ticket buying place.

William: Finally. Hiya Harv.
Harvey: Hello Mr.Lang. Five adult tickets to 'Pearl Harbor'?
Hank: Lang? You said your last name was Semicore or something similar to the name I just suggested.
William: Um, well it say Oliver Lang on all my identications and such but I go as William. (smiles)
Hank: Alright.

[slinger]

Outside Mirko's Assistant's Apartment
10 PM, Houston

On the road outside the apartment, the time machine arrives from the future. It quickly has the brakes slammed. Mirko and Mirko's Assistant slam there heads on the windsheild.

Mirko: Ow! Damn window!
Mirko's Assistant: Well that sucked. Thanks for everyting. So what are you going to do with this?
Mirko: I might travel to the 2002 Oscars and see who wins. That way I can win the CS! Oscar Picks Pool.
Mirko's Assistant: Well make sure you delete what you did on Time Machine History.
Mirko: You can delete the history, but the info is still on the time circuits. But I ripped that out of the manual so Doc won't remember how to do that.
Mirko's Assistant: Bye, see you tomorrow.

She gets out carrying a huge bag from The Gap. Mirko drives off.

Theatre Playing 'Pearl Harbor', 11:54 PM

The five sit down in the centre of the theatre. All together they have large popcorns, drinks, nachos, Twizzlers, three kinds of Glosettes, Junior mints, bottled soft drinks, bottled water, hot dogs, pizza, tacos, fries with gravy and cotton candy.

Hank: Boy I thought when we were buying the drinks and popcorn they would've suspected we were sneaking in nachos, Twizzlers, three kinds of Glosettes, Junior mints, bottled soft drinks, bottled water, hot dogs, pizza, fries with gravy and cotton candy.
Tom: You forgot tacos! Man were my armpits hot. Anybody have some ice?
Julia: &lt;sarcastically)There might be some in my drink I bought.
Eddie: Just use that bottle of Coke you smuggled in to cool off you pits.
William: Smart thinking Ed. My crotch is a bit hot too, with the storing of the pizza, and fries with gravy.
Hank: Shh. Quite. We have ten minutes of commericals and previews still to get through.

[slinger]

Channel 4 Studios, Saturday Afternoon

Kevin is at work cleaning up messes backstage. He just put his broom away. Barry and Emily approach him.

Barry: HELLo!
Kevin: Jehahah! Don't do that! What are you doing here?
Emily: Well we just hade sex in Mr.Goodbar's office.
Kevin: I can see. You got some correction fluid on your clothes.
Barry: That isn't white out! &lt;laughs&gt; He we better go grab our seats. Later Kev.
Emily: Bye bye sexy.
Barry: Don't call him sexy. It ruins his self... oh you're still here Kev.
Kevin: Yeah you didn't leave.
Barry: Well we're leaving now.

Barry and Emily leave and take their seats in the old 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' set.

Barry: It's about damn time they got the old British version back.
Emily: Indeed. I think that Clive Anderson is dreamy.
Barry: Ms.Jollygood you are making me to question who you find attractive.
Studio Hand: QUITE! WE'RE ABOUT TO START!

The theme music starts. Clive Anderson prepares to introduce the contestants. The audience claps. Emily cheers when Clive appears on screen.

Clive Anderson: Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the improvisation show which is to comedy, what William Shatner is to music. Featuring tonight, a long time performer or someone who will not leave the building, Michael McShane. Then someone who has been forced to prostitute himself since we went off the air, Steve Frost. And then someone who wants to leave the building and hasn't prostituted himself, Sean Cullen. And then the world's best actor named Ardal O'Hanlon, Ardal O'Hanlon. Ladies and gentlemen, the contestants!

[ 09-15-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

Outside Channel 4
London, England

Brody, Iris and Phil get out of a taxi. Brody pays the fare.

Phil: I almost forgot about the fare. What are we doing here again?
Brody: Well au, there is a nice tea and magazine shop around here that I'd like to go buy some porno from.
Iris: Really? They sell tea and pornographic magazines?
Brody: Yes they do. They have all kinds of porn. And maybe a four types of tea.
Phil: So why did we get out here?
Brody: ....Look to be honest I was going to ditch you here and head towards the porn shop and then find a McDonald's. Oh and this may shock you but I know who you are, Theta.
Phil: What? How did you know?

Brody takes out his green contact lenses out and then proceeds to rip his face off. It appears that it really is a mask. Only the bottom half rips off.

Brody: JEEEHAAA! Man that glue is strong. Oh my voice thing.

Brody peels of voice thing similar to the one in 'Mission:Impossible 2'. He then peels of the rest of the mask revealing his true identity.

Theta: Well finally I can drop the act. What are you doing here anyway? Last I heard you were hired to kill Tom Cruise.
Iris: Brody?! What? You were so attractive with the mask.
JBond: Don't worry I have a suitcase full of those. Wait a minute. I traded them over the internet for bubble gum and fireworks. Of course the fireworks got wet during shipping and the bubble gum was opened and was pretty much chewed.
Iris: Hey the flying candy is back!

[ 09-27-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

Red Barn,
Thebtskink's Worm Farm

Olorin, Pagz, Niels and thebtksink are sitting inside the barn on a sofa watching Comedy Central.

Olorin: Boy, who would've thought that those giant worms would've had heart attacks at the same time.
Pagz: And our tires blew.
Niels: Do worms have heart attacks?
thebtskink: Those ones did. Good thing I have like forty more. No hard feelings guys. I was just pissed you drove away. I guy can get lonely. All I have is worms for affection.
Olorin: You're not gay ...are you?
thebtskink: No, but my mom says I spend to much time with worms.

The others slide off the couch and sit on the dirt. Pagz scratches his leg. Thebtskink turns the volume up.

thebtskink: Hey, 'Coming to America' is on.
Pagz: So.

Theatre

The credits are rolling and people are leaving their seats. The five sit in different spots than before. They also ponder on what to say about the film that they stayed in line for dozens of hours.

Eddie: Well that was crap!
William: HEY! It could've been better if your urine wasn't spilt all over the floor!
Eddie: Those cups were big! And Julia was the one who spilt the urine!
Julia: How was I supposed to know that the cup on the floor was full of your U-juice?!
Eddie: I didn't want to miss any!
William: Yeah well these Reeboks used to be white! Now they are white with a little yellow!
Hank: What the hell is wrong with you people?!! Eddie took a piss ten minutes ago, Julia knocked it over five minutes ago, we got up and sat down here four mintues ago! The movie just ended!

The five get up and walk up the steps.

Tom: I got to go to England! Katie needs The Tomster!
Eddie: The Tomster?! Who are you?! Rob Schnie.. Schnei... Duece Bigilow!! Huh? The Tomster. The Tomminator. Tommy-Tom-Tom. Colonel Tom..
Hank: You know it would've been great if he was on 'Seinfeld' more than once.
William: How the hell do you come up with that?!!
Julia: I could've spent that time in line having sex! Instead I spent it with you four ****less wonders!
Usher: YO! Qui-et! Say do you people know how made this land fill?

The five look at the mess the left before urine spread across the floor. All the food the smuggled in is layed across the seats, floor jammed into the cushions, some of the chairs are ripped open, cheese is smeared onto the chairs, someone drew a 'Wilson the Volleyball' with cheese on the back of the seat, gravy poured across on top of all the seats.

Hank: These three did it!! They urinated, smuggled in the food and then trashed the seats after the urine was spilt! Ask The Tomster!
Tom: Yeah he's right.

Tom and Hank push the Usher down onto the urine and garbage. The other three are grabbed by other ushers. Tom and Hank make it out.

[slinger]

They run out of the theatre and walk fast down the street, trying to look innocent.

Hank: So now what do we do?
Tom: Beats me. I just ditched my only friends in New York. Oh wait I know these people up here. The one on the left is my ex-girlfriend.
Guy: Er! Its the jerk again! Quick zip up your jacket.
Woman: I didn't think we stumbled into to Lowlifeville.
Tom: No you didn't. You stumbled into Going-To-Kick-Your-Ass Avenue! C'mon Hank lets take'em.
Hank: Oh cramp! Cramp! Can't street fight.

Whose Line Set

The performers sit down from the last game they did.

Clive: One thousand points to Mike for that last game. Sadly they are...

CRUMMMSLSOOOSH!!!!

The ceiling collapse with rubble and steel and dust falling infront of Clive. The performers hide behind there chairs.

Steve Frost: It's John Sessions out for revenge!
Michael McShane: I shouldn't have had those beans for lunch!
Sean Cullen: AND THE FOOD OF YOUR CHOICE WILL END YOUR LIFE TONIGGGGGHT! FOOD OF CHOICE!
Ardal O'Hanlon: We've already heard your trademark bit, Sean! Boy I wish I was still on 'Father Ted'. This never would've happened.
Sean: Just making the best out of a crappy moment.
Steve: Say what's that over there?
Micheal: Move it boys! Polar bears!!!
Steve: Quick sacrifice Sean! He's Canadain!
Ardal: He is?

The four run to the exit as Connery, Hackman, Heston, Palance, Eastwood and dubloth slide down some rope coming from the whole.

Connery: Right let's have the time of our lives. Well it will be hard for me, since I've had sex with beautifull, sexy ladies.
Hackman: That was forty years ago. All right lets take this island! Dubloth control those bears!!
dubloth: Are British jails better than American? 'Cause I've been in some American jails....

[ 10-13-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

Outside Theatre

Tom and Hank are getting their asses kicked by the Guy and Woman. Bruises and cuts are seen on their bodies.

Hank: Timeout!
Guy: No way!

The Guy slams his fist on Hank's watch. The Guy hurts his fist and Hank crawls away. The woman has Tom in a submission move with Tom tapping.

Woman: Oh geez are you okay sweetie?

She lets go of Tom and heads for her husband. Tom cries in relief. Hank lays down beside Tom.

Hank: What do we... do next, fearless leader?
Tom: I think I wet myself.

Suddenly a flash appears in the streets. Its the PT Cruiser Time Machine. It stops across the street from the two. Mirko opens the passenger door.

Mirko: SUPERMAN TEN MINUTES AGO! SLINGER! Quick get in!!
slinger: Later losers! It appears we have a time machine to catch.

The two run across giving the couple the finger and laughing. A Ford Escort drives by and hits slinger and Superman Ten Minutes Ago. They land on the hood. The window comes down.

Clinton: You boys messed up my ride. (looks to Mirko) Nice souped up wheels. Is that a time machine? I bet that picks you up a lot of tail? Hey are my windshield wipers okay?
slinger: EHhhh. Yeah I think so.

They slide off the hood and scramble into the time machine.

Clinton: Just a minute Lorrie, I wanna see some serious *****.

The time machine speeds down the street and goes into the future. As they time travel nothing can be seen outside the windows except darkness. Doc Browhn is sitting in the drivers seat.

Superman Ten Minutes Ago: Mirk, explain what's going on?
Mirko: Right, me and my lovely new assistant borrowed Mr.Doc Browhn's time machine to see all of the summer movies. Except she went and did some research on all the movies and maybe went into the far future. Plus the big lottery thing too. Anyway I didn't about this, but the day after we returned she quit her job and started her own site. She soon made predictions, had the latest news and all that about the movies. Soon everyone was asking her what to expect. Soon movie companies altered what they did, because Doc Browhn himself when into the future a couple of weeks ago and things were different. So anyway soon she is contacted by Tom Cruise and starts dating him. We all know its a shame marriage. Next thing we know Bush is impeached and somehow after mysterious deaths Jimmy Toogit is President of the USA. Toogit is a Scientologist puppet for Tommie and the gang.
Doc: Now once we figured this out, we decieded we have to stop them before USA is run by a gay.
slinger: That was uncalled for. Kidding.
Mirko: Plus England is attacked by some old friends. So we're getting the old gang together and stop this evil plot.
slinger: I'm in.
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: I'm in too. Does this thing have a washroom?
Doc: Here use this container. I can use it for Mr.Fushion.
Mirko: Let's save America!!
slinger: Ah Christ! He got it over the seats!
Doc: Number one or two?
slinger: (holding face) Both.
Mirko: I thought he came potty trained?
Superman Ten Minutes: Hey this is my first time going to the bathroom in a time machine!
Doc: Read this booklet.

THE END

The Coming Soon! Posters will return in the CS! Posters' Time Traveling Boxing Day Adventure (final part)

[slinger]

CAST
The CS! Crew

BARRY BALISTICS / SUPERMAN
---
TED WATKINS / SUPERMAN TEN MINUTES AGO
---
HANK KRUGER / SLINGER
---
BECKHAM BRODY / JBOND
---
RONALD SKINNER / DUBLOTH
---
BBF2
---
JEDI KNIGHT
---
KENNY HOPELAND / OLORIN
---
THEBTSKINK
---
REGINALD CASKNEW / READER
---
THETA / PHIL McCRACKIN
---
KEVIN ROEGELE
---
PAGZ
---
MIRKO
---
NIELS
---
MIRKO'S ASSISTANT
---
[ 10-13-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[slinger]

CS! CREW ACQUAINTANCES

CHARLTON HESTON
---
SEAN CONNERY
---
BILL CLINTON
---
JACK PALANCE
---
GENE HACKMAN
---
WILLIAM SEMICORE (OLIVER LANG)
---
EDDIE DODSON
---
JULIA RICHIANA DREYFUS
---
DAN K. SUBSTANDARD
---
SAIRA SUBSTANDARD
---
IRIS
---
EMILY
---
DOC BROWHN
---
WEBMISTRESS
---
MRS.HOPELAND
---

OTHERS (Elsewhere)

CLIVE ANDERSON
---
SEAN CULLEN
---
STEVE FROST
---
ARDAL O'HANLON
---
MICHEAL McSHANE
---
MR.McVITES
---
STUDIO HAND
---


[ 10-13-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]

[JBond]

Bravo!

[slinger]

THE BAD ONES

MIRA
---
DARK HORIZONS ASSOCIATE
---
USHER
---
STRONG GUY
---
SMALL GUY
---
WOMAN
---
GUY
---
OTHERS (America)

CONAN O'BRIEN
---
TED COPPLE
---
OPPOSITE GUY
---
HARVEY
---
MAX WEINBERG
---
REPORTER
---
NBC SERCURITY GUARD
---
AUDIENCE MEMBER
---


[ 10-19-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]</p>

[slinger]

Thanks to all who read. Can you believe I started that back in May? The final part
will start around Xmas and it shall tie most lose ends and will feature for the
first time ever all the current CS! Posters. Then I’ll tell all of my inside jokes and
other stuff. Suggestions welcome. Till then!
©2001
Books/Fan Fiction Forum

[JBond]

Haha, I had a few inside jokes in mine as well.

[slinger]

Bam!

[JBond]

Ow.....

[beemanbone]

[quote]Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>Bam!</strong><hr></blockquote>
Emeril??

[slinger]

Originally posted by beemanbone
[quote]Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>Bam!</strong><hr></blockquote>
Emeril??

No.

[JBond]

A year and a half later... ;)

[beemanbone]

Originally posted by slinger
No.
heh, you got me ;)

[Citizen Kane]

bump