The EPIC Conclusion to the CS! Posters vs. The Scientologists Trilogy

[slinger]

Well here is my Christmas present to you all. A slightly humorous story that is very confusing. This is the third installment in my Coming Soon!/Scientology Saga.

I didn't plan for three parts. It was supposed to be a St.Patrick's Day/Bar Room Brawl style story butI was the only one who posted. (Theta briefly posted once) So I improvised and continued and got a breif storyline for the first one. Then the second one I just started posting. Then once the seeds were planted I went fromt there trying to
reach this one point. I fell that the original was the best but the second one was just
out there. And I think the third one will be the best.

Any comments suggestions you can e-mail me or PM.

Refreshers: <a href="http://www.comingsoon.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=15&t=000497&p=" target="_blank">Part I: The CS! Posters' St.Patrick's Day George Walker Bush Style Drinking Bash</a>

<a href="http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic&f=15&t=000500" target="_blank">Part II: How The CS! Posters Spent Memorial Day Long Weekend</a>

<small>[ 06-05-2002, 04:45 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

May 2001, Outside Theatre

Tom and Hank are getting their asses kicked by the Guy and Woman. Bruises and cuts are seen on their bodies.

Hank: Timeout!
Guy: No way!

The Guy slams his fist on Hank's watch. The Guy hurts his fist and Hank crawls away. The woman has Tom in a submission move with Tom tapping.

Woman: Oh geez are you okay sweetie?

She lets go of Tom and heads for her husband. Tom cries in relief. Hank lays down beside Tom.

Hank: What do we... do next, fearless leader?
Tom: I think I wet myself.

Suddenly a flash appears in the streets. Its the PT Cruiser Time Machine. It stops across the street from the two. Mirko opens the passenger door.

Mirko: SUPERMAN TEN MINUTES AGO! SLINGER! Quick get in!!
slinger: Later losers! It appears we have a time machine to catch.

The two run across giving the couple the finger and laughing. A Ford Escort drives by and hits slinger and Superman Ten Minutes Ago. They land on the hood. The window comes down.

Clinton: You boys messed up my ride. (looks to Mirko) Nice souped up wheels. Is
that a time machine? I bet that picks you up a lot of tail? Hey are my windshield
wipers okay?
slinger: EHhhh. Yeah I think so.

They slide off the hood and scramble into the time machine.

Clinton: Just a minute Lorrie, I wanna see some serious *****.

The time machine speeds down the street and goes into the future. As they time travel nothing can be seen outside the windows except darkness. Doc Browhn is sitting in the drivers seat.

Superman Ten Minutes Ago: Mirk, explain what's going on?
Mirko: Right, me and my lovely new assistant borrowed Mr.Doc Browhn's time
machine to see all of the summer movies. Except she went and did some research on all the movies and maybe went into the far future. Plus the big lottery thing too. Anyway I didn't know about this, but the day after we returned she quit her job and started her own site. She soon made predictions, had the latest news and all that
about the movies. Soon everyone was asking her what to expect. Soon movie companies altered what they did, because Doc Browhn himself when into the future a couple of weeks ago and things were different. So anyway soon she is contacted by Tom Cruise and starts dating him. We all know its a shame marriage. Next thing we know Bush is impeached and somehow after mysterious deaths Jimmy Toogit is President of the USA. Toogit is a Scientologist puppet for Tommie and the gang.
Doc: Now once we figured this out, we decieded we have to stop them before USA
is run by a gay.
slinger: That was uncalled for. Kidding.
Mirko: Plus England is attacked by some old friends. So we're getting the old gang
together and stop this evil plot.
slinger: I'm in.
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: I'm in too. Does this thing have a washroom?
Doc: Here use this container. I can use it for Mr.Fushion.
Mirko: Let's save America!!
slinger: Ah Christ! He got it over the seats!
Doc: Number one or two?
slinger: (holding face) Both.
Mirko: I thought he came potty trained?
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: Hey this is my first time going to the bathroom in a time
machine!
Doc: Read this booklet.

Part III of the Scientologists vs. CS! Trilogy
The Coming Soon Posters’ Boxing Day Time Traveling Adventure

Opposite Guy’s Office - December 20, 2001

Opposite Guy is standing naked at his table with his type writer. Of course he is now
located in the basement. The telephone rings. He picks it up.

Opposite Guy: Goodbye, nice talking to you. Morpheus? Of course I know
Morpheus. His number is 555-555-555. Trust me it works. No one would ever think
to dial just 5s. Hello, Opposite Guy speaking.

He hangs up the phone. A man walks up to Opposite Guy and tries not to look below
his waist. No such luck. The man is Mr.Felding.

Mr.Felding: AHHH!!! WHAT? THE HELL! YOU SICK BASTARD!!! YOU ARE
RELIEVED OF YOUR DUTIES!! OH! Sweet Jesus!! You took this to far!!
Opposite Guy: So I can continue this?
Mr.Felding: YES! YES!
Opposite Guy: Thew! It was pretty hard. I mean everything would condrict
stuff and the opposite of breathing is not breathing and I didn’t want to die.
Mr.Felding: But your man pole! It... it’s gone!
Opposite Guy: (looks) Oh that. &lt;laughs&gt; Well that had to go. Its the
opposite you know. It was phase forty-five of my total oppositation. I’d turn into a
female once it was all complete.
Mr.Felding: Why did you have to do the opposite stuff, again?
Opposite Guy: I saw a add. $4000 in one month. Turns out it was a misprint.
$1000 for 4000 months. And once I signed it I couldn’t quit, ‘cause the opposite of
quitting is staying.
Mr.Felding: Couldn’t you just say I’m staying and that would me you quit?
Opposite Guy: Yeah I could, but I’d always see that I had a vagina. They’re
cool! Its like I’m thirteen again! Look at it!
Mr.Felding: [disgusted] Yeah I see it. Excuse me I have to leave.
Opposite Guy: Sorry, I better put some pants on. Say why did you come here
again?
Mr.Felding: Oh there is a group of males and females upstairs waiting for
you. Some seem to have a Superman logo on their chests. There is an crazy old
scientist too. They claim there from Coming Promptly, ..Coming Quickly what is it?
Opposite Guy: Now? Attractions?
Mr.Felding: SOON! Coming Soon!
Opposite Guy: I don’t know them. Whoops. Geez. Still saying the opposite.

[ 12-22-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]</p>

[slinger]

A couple of months earlier.....
Whose Line Is It Anyway Studio -
Channel 4 Studios - London, England (or the UK)

The situation has gotten out of hand. With Scotland Yard outside the building and
the polar bears running wild inside everyone can’t do much. Most of the audience is
hiding whereever they can. The performers are hiding in their dressing rooms while
the creators of this mess are in the air ducts, taking a breather.

dubloth: You know I thought my crawling in vents days were over.
Connery: Quit your whinning laddie. Pass me that bottle of water.
Hackman: You know you really screwed up big time Connery! Just let the
bears go! No leash! Plus you forget the trang..
Connery: Shut your hole you American moustache man!
Eastwood: You’re losing your touch, Sean. Maybe its time to retire.
Connery: Maybe. Or maybe I should’ve done this by myself! Over throw
England and claim it for Scotland!
Palance: This reminds me of a scene from ‘City Slickers’. Or was it ‘City
Slickers II:The Legend of Curly’s Gold’? Whatever it was their was an arguement...
BUT they made up and suceeded on what the goal was!
dubloth: Palance is right! Forget about what happened. We have a chance to
claim some prime real estate! I call Big Ben, by the way.
Heston: I call all the gun shops.
Connery: You smell that? That’s the smell of fear. And its coming from over
there! Grab the lamps and move! I think those performers are over there. We use
them as hostages, and then we will bloody suceed on what are goal is!
Eastwood: Good my but was falling asleep.
Hackman: I’m suprised blood flows to your bottom half of your body.

They crawl down the air vents towards the dressing room. Inside five men panic on
what to do.

Steve Frost: What are we going to do, Clive? What are we going to do?!
Ardal O’ Hanlon: I know! (picks a piece of paper from a hat and reads it)
We’ll all cover me in butter and send me to Cuba!
Clive Anderson: Eh, Ardal thats just the rejected suggestions hat.
Sean Cullen: I don’t feel good. I ate some ground beef and I think it...
(vomits in rejected suggestions hat)
Micheal McShane: Hey save room for the meal I’m cooking. Boy this George
Forman grill is great!
Clive: Put that away!
Steve: Ya here that? It sounds like one of them bears is coming this way.
Everyone quiet.

[slinger]

They all go towards the door and try to listen. Some rumblings can be heard. They
aren’t sure what it is now. Suddenly the vent grate is blown off with a shotgun
blast. They all turn and scream. Connery rolls out and lands on the floor and gets on
his knees and aims a shotgun at them. They all scream. The rest of the old men
stumble out. Dubloth squeezes out.

Heston: Alright you’re all hostages. Now we’re going to string ya up.

A polar bear knocks the door down onto the performers and roars.

Heston: [slapping his neck] Damn! When will humans build doors that stay
locked?!
dubloth: RUNNNN!!

The bear pounches on top of Connery!

Connery: I’m gonna count to two, and ya better be off me.
Hackman: HEY! Coke endorser! Over here! I got a... (looks at the drink he
has in his hand) Irn-Bru Barr soft drink!

The polar bear sees this. His squinces his black eyes and darts for Hackman.
Hackman tosses the can to Palance. The bear slides into a closet. The performers
slowly get up from under the door. The bear jumps on top of the door, pushing them
down again and goes for Palance. Palance throws it into the vent. The bear then
proceeds to the vent and it crushes the can getting the orange soft drink all over it.
Dubloth, Heston, Hackman and Eastwood hit the bear over the head with the broken
parts of the door. The bear then falls on its side, knocking over McShane’s indoor
grill.

McShane: AH! My pork!
Connery: Thanks for helping, Gene.
Hackman: Yeah your welcome.
Palance: Let me just say I was prepared to use my false teeth on him.
Eastwood, Hackman, Connery, Heston: [taking out their fake chompers] So
uz I.
dubloth: Freaky. Well we better go before...
Scotland Yard Officer: Freeze! You are all under arrest!
Connery: Like hell we are!
dubloth: (shaking his head) That fortune teller lied to me.

Gunfire rains down on the old geezers, minor celbrities and CS! mod.

Flight 724 - Just Outside London

Jedi Knight and bbf2 are in the ****pit of the plane. They don’t know what to do.

bbf2: Maybe theres a instruction booklet some where?
Jedi Knight: We could use the radio.
bbf2: I can’t understand British people! Chips? The loo? Lift? Cheerio? Plus
the word cheers has like seven different meanings!

[slinger]

John Wayne’s Spirit appers again.

John Wayne: Looks like you’re in the Alamo Frying Pan now.
Jedi Knight: What is that supposed to mean Duke?
bbf2: Duke?
John Wayne: Say there’s a noise coming from the.... toilets.
Jedi Knight: Say do you here anything?

They run out of the **** pit and here a flush coming from the toilet.

bbf2: I thought we were the only ones aboard?

The washroom doors slide open and a man carrying the Tunis Times exits it.

bbf2: HARRISON FORD! OH YEAH! NOW WE’RE GOING TO GET OUR ASS
KICKED OR LIVES SAVED!
Harrison Ford: Word of advice, never try the chilly in Tunisia. Hamill would always rave about it. Maybe they changed the recipe, I don’t know. Say where is everybody?
John Wayne: Hey Ford, ever try beans from.... New Jersey?
bbf2: Um slight problem. The crew ain’t alive, we’re running out of fuel and we are heading towards London.
Ford: Ontario?
Jedi Knight: No, England.
Ford: Just making sure ‘cause I know London, Ontario is close to Toronto and
I was just there filming...
Jedi Knight: Scram Duke! He can’t hear you anyway!
John Wayne: Well looks like I ride into the British sunrise. Cherrio, pil-grim.
bbf2: Mr.Ford could you take the controls of the plane?
Ford: Sure. So me to the ****pit. [bbf2 laughs]
bbf2: I’m sorry every time I hear that I laugh.
Ford: Yeah I can see why. {now in captain’s chair}
Jedi Knight: Wait. You know how to fly helicopters, not planes. In the last two Indy movies you had difficulty landing planes.
Ford: True. True. I did land the plane in the last one. Plus I’ve been taking lessons.
bbf2: Say when are you going to make ‘Indy 4’?
Ford: I really don’t know. Now you boys want to hand me that headset?
Jedi Knight: I’m sensing some familiar beings here.
Ford: He’s not going crazy is he?
Air Traffic Controller: &lt;heard over headset&gt; Flight 724, you be drolly dropping a pint.
Ford: What? Speak sense.
bbf2: Say bumblebee tuna. I heard it in a film with a fat British guy in it.
Air Traffic Controller: Take it down by the lowry, chap. Cheers.
Ford: Ah, yeah Cheers. Listen I’m going to take this down in the Thames, if you want to jump out into Metropolitan London than by all means go.
bbf2: Wow. Harrison Ford just told me to jump out of a plane. Good luck, sir!
Jedi Knight: May the Force be with you.

The two leave the ****pit and strap on some parachutes. Bbf2 pulls the lever and the door opens sucking everything out the plane.

bbf2: SO I PULL THE STRING AFTER TEN SECONDS RIGHT?
Jedi Knight: YEAH!
bbf2:(jumps out)WOOOOOOOOOO.... WOOOOOOOO....
Jedi Knight: [jumps out] I SURE WISH I STILL HAD A BLADDER!!!!
bbf2: I’M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Ford: Tower, I’m taking this baby down into the Thames.
Air Traffic Controller: Flight 724, you have been given premission to dump
the air trolly in the Big T. Cheers.
Ford: Flight 724 is now called Air Force One. Scratch that tower. Flight 724 is now called Millennium Falcon. Tower, Millennuim Falcon is now called whatever the plane was called in ‘Six Days, Seven Nights’. Cheers.

Ford gets up, straps on a parachute and jumps out. Bbf2, Jedi Knight and Harrison Ford watch as the plane lands in the Thames. Of course the plane smashes into one of the Giant Reese Peanut Butter Cups.

bbf2: If I told a chick I jumped out of a plane, do you think I would get any action?
Jedi Knight: She’d have to be really, really drunk.

[Godzilla]

What the hell is Boxing Day? I know it's a Canadian holliday, but I asked a Canadian and he didn't even know what the hell it was!

[slinger]

[quote]Originally posted by Godzilla:
<strong>What the hell is Boxing Day? I know it's a Canadian holliday, but I asked a Canadian and he didn't even know what the hell it was!</strong><hr></blockquote>

Well its not just Canadian. UK, Austraila they celebrate it too. I don't know if its similar to Canada's version.The real meaning of Boxing Day is on the day after Christmas people would box up the leftovers and give it to the poor. Now of course BD is just when all the stores clean out there inventory. So leading up to it the flyers come out and they show all the stuff you can buy. So thats pretty much it. You wake from your Christmas Day hangover and head out and buy some stuff with your Christmas money that you didn't get or want. I just picked Boxing Day since I used Memorial Day and that's American.

Hey! In this story there is a Godzilla/Con-Air Forum!

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>
Hey! In this story there is a Godzilla/Con-Air Forum!</strong><hr></blockquote>
Is there a Matrix forum that people actually go to?

[slinger]

[quote]Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown:
<strong>
Is there a Matrix forum that people actually go to?</strong><hr></blockquote>

No. There is a P & H Club. And a CS! Junkyard.

[slinger]

CS! Building Monday, March 12, 2001

The time machine pulls into the parking lot beside the building. It is still early in the
morning. Only JBond and janitor Kevin Roegele are here. Mirko, Doc Browhn, slinger and Superman Ten Mintues Ago get out. They look around to make sure no one sees them. They walk over to the steps and walk to the top and wait outside the doors.

Mirko: Okay according to the bank clock across the street its 7:58 A.M. JBond
ususally gets in at 7:45. Kevin, which I just learned, lives in the building. If memory
serves me right in forty minutes I’ll be at a McDonald’s Drive Thru. The mods should be in the Monday Morning Moderator Meeting Room in thirty minutes. So we have less than a half an hour to find JBond and tell him the gig is up.
slinger: We should split up. We’ll cause more damage that way.
Mirko: What’s with you and the ‘Ghostbusters’ quotes? Oh wait. Pure
coincidence.
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: You don’t want us to expose ourselves.
&lt;laughs&gt;
Doc Browhn: Here are some gadgets that we can use, in the capture of this J...Bond. Do any of you have a picture of him so I know that its him.
slinger: There’s only two people in the building and one’s a janitor.
Mirko: Anyway I have a picture. (gets wallet) I’m sure I still have that picture
of us at the premiere of ‘X-Men’. Say what the?
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: His head its...
Doc Browhn: Erased from existence.
slinger: Dun dun dun! Sorry. Lemme see. Sweet Silly Spielberg! What? Not a good ‘shock statement’?
Doc Browhn: Something’s not right. Someone has rubbed out JBond. But how?
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: Well as long as Olorin has intercourse with Superman’s Secretary I will still be here.
Doc Browhn: So Superman...
slinger: Don’t even ask. Okay we have to re-think things.
Mirko: Well I can only think when I’m on the toilet.
slinger: So that’s why you got one installed.
Mirko: Yeah. I like the seat in this building. The new one just didn’t have what I needed.
Doc Browhn: I’ll go get my thinking cap from the time machine.

Doc Browhn runs to his time machine and trips over bbf2’s bike. Doc Browhn looks up and sees bbf2.

bbf2: Whoa! Is there a Doc Brown convention this week?
Doc Browhn: I assure you, that my appearence has nothing to do with Christopher Lolyd’s portrayl of a mad scientist.

slinger: Crap! Bbf2 has already arrived!
Mirko: Right! On to Plan B.
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: Screw this! I’m off to Vegas! (flies off)
slinger: Just like the real Superman. Never around when you need him.
Mirko: Okay we’ll head up to my office and then sneak out once bbf2 has gone to his office.

bbf2: Hey you broke my ‘E.T. The Extra-Terestrial’ bell. See he’s on the bike.
You’re going to have to pay for it.
Doc: Here’s a couple of bucks. Bye.
bbf2: I don’t think you understand. That cost me a lot of money! Say isn’t that the thing Doc Brown uses to to put Jennifer asleep?
Doc: It is.

Bbf2 falls asleep. Doc continues to walk to the parking lot. He walks pass a clown who is followed by three midgets.

Doc: There’s someone you’ll never see at a prestigious place like this. (walks up to PT Cruisier) Wait its locked. I never lock it. (gets keys out) I think I have the cap in the glove compart... perfume. Faint smell of perfume. Great Scott!

[slinger]

Doc presses the four digit password to unlock the History on the control panel screen (1985). He presses Today’s History. He scrolls down and sees that someone
used the time machine.
[code]
Trip # Time Left Time Arrived
00000001 - 10/11/05 08:00:03 () 05/21/01 03:33:59
00000002 - 05/21/01 03:34:20 () 03/12/01 07:56:44
00000003 - 03/12/01 07:59:59 () 03/11/01 19:59:46
00000004 - 03/11/01 20:08:01 () 03/12/01 08:00:00
click here for longitude & latitude coordinates
</pre><hr></blockquote>
Doc Browhn: Someone has used my time machine! And hey that’s a condom wrapper! Oh wait that’s mine. Better make sure no one sees this. (eats it and chokes) Okay maybe later. I better phone Mirko.

Doc brings out his cell phone (one of those giant ones from the early 90s) and dials. He bobs his head back and forth while he waits. Slinger and Mirko are now inside the CS! Building. The run past the lobby and run down the offices towards Mirko’s.

slinger: &lt;whispers&gt; Wow. It’s just like I remember.
Mirko: &lt;whispers&gt; Okay I don’t see Kev around let’s go for it.
*ring* *ring*
Mirko:&lt;whispers&gt; Damn! Quick run over here. Hello?
Doc: What’s the type of perfume your ass...
Mirko: &lt;whispers&gt; No time to talk! Bbf2 or Kev might catch us.
Doc: Don’t worry I took care of bbf2.
Mirko: WHAT?! What do you mean you killed him?! You can’t disturb the...
Doc: No I didn’t kill him! Just put him to sleep. He was asking to many questions.
slinger: I remember bbf2 being the last one to arrive that day!
Mirko: So what did you want to know about my assistant?
Doc: Her perfume.
Mirko: It was boisonberry like. No wait. Strawberry.
Doc: Just as I thought. She’s been in the time machine! I’m allergic to strawberry like substances and I’m all red and blotchy.
slinger: Hey Mirko it’s your T-Rex Olorin destroyed.

Mirko turns to see the life size T-Rex model that will be destroyed in a few hours.

Doc: Hey someone is delivering your mail.
Mirko: Wait! Follow him! It’s all coming together. The bomb delievered was ment to destroy CS! and possibly me! So the person that does that is the bad guy!
Doc: Okay I’m getting in the PT Crusier. Crap he’s taking the bus!
Mirko: What does he look like?
Doc: Some Vegas gambler type. I can’t see his face real good. Say I see Olorin getting off the bus. Olorin makes eye contact with him. Olorin walks by, and
heads to the office. The Vegas guy gets on and heads to the back. Some old lady is
blocking him. Hey Idiot! Outta the way!
Mirko: What is it?
Doc: Some jerk with his scooter just blocked the exit. Now the bus is gone.
Way to go jerk! You ruined my life and countless others!
Doomsday: Hey I can scooter here if I want! There is no sign saying you can’t!
Doc: Isn’t that a girl’s scooter?
Doomsday: It’s a Wonder Woman scooter and...

Doc drives over Doomsday and his scooter. He drives around and heads towards the
SMH! Building.

[ 12-25-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]</p>

[slinger]

Doc: Okay I’ll be at the SMH! Building.
Mirko: Wait Doc! I remember I read that Travolta and Cruise arrived in Travolta’s jet. Then they just drove it to downtown. We have to ambush them at the
airport! Me and slinger will take the CS! Copter.
Doc: Right. Okay I’ll see you down there.

Houston International Airport

The helicopter landed on the runway just beside Travolta’s landed jet. Mirko and slinger get out of the helicopter and flash their press badges to security.

Travolta: Okay boys fuel her up.
Cruise: Sweet Hubard! It’s Mirko! Security! Stop that man!

Doc Browhn pulls up in his PT Crusier. He gets out carrying the town charter.

Doc: WAIT! These men are banned from Houston! City council somehow passed a law stating that one Johnathon Travolta and one Thomas Cruise are banned from the city limits of the city of Houston.
Security Guard: Lemme see that? (reads it)
Travolta: Just how the hell did you think to come here Mirko?
Security Guard: Well I can’t argue with that. Get your asses on the plane and get out of here.
Cruise: C’mon. Its Cruise.
Mirko: Get out of my town.
Travolta: You’ll regret this.
slinger: Just like you regreted making...

Ten Minutes Later
Starbucks in the Airport

slinger: Okay that settles that. What about the bomb? Oh right.
Mirko: Well wait we’re forgetting JBond.
Doc: If we changed history shouldn’t things change?
slinger: You’re right this makes no sense.
Mirko: And Doc how did you know about that law?
Doc: Oh I went back to the 1970s and lobbied that they get banned. I gave some pinball parts in exchange for those two to be banned. This was just when Travolta was a small faint blip on the ego/paycheck/celebrity radar.
Mirko: Well whatever kind of coffee I order, is almost done. We should go and save JBond.
Doc: And the great thing was I got a huge deal on 1970s gasoline. Many people were freaked out on my weird car, but I said they were probably high.
slinger: So! Off to save JBond!

[slinger]

The three get up spilling their coffee all over the floor. They see this and run pushing people out of their way.

Robert Stack’s Voice: And the three did save JBond. They time travelled to the next day, caught Mirko’s assistant and sent her off to Canada via FedEx. Slinger of course knows how this felt so he sent her to Nunavut. Mirko questioned the existence of this obscure sounding location, but the wacky Canuck assured Mirko that it did exist. Doc Browhn went on to say, ‘When you assured you make an ass out of you and red.’ Slinger snapped, ‘Thats assume! When you assume you make an ass out of you and me! You sound like a fool when you say that!’ Over in
Enlgand...

Whose Line Set

All the celebrities were brought into custody and under British law, they were allowed to finish the taping of the show. A big black screen now covers the debris, behind the performers. But two of the performers were injured so some replacements were quickly found.

Clive Anderson: And that sadly is out last game, on this strange and scary night. And totalling up the points tonight, fearing the roof won’t cave in on me, I see that Ardal O’Hanlon, Barry Balistics and Ronnie Skinner are tonights joint winners.
Barry: What about smoking a joint?
Clive: And the prize for winning is to do the credits in the style of my choosing and could you do it in the style of three old people at a bingo hall. While Steve annouces the numbers.
Barry: This one’s for you Emily!
Steve Frost: Can we get this over, eh? Got to get my eyebrows plucked.
Clive: Alright. Reminds me to thank: Steve Frost, Barry Balistics, Ronald Skinner, Ardal O’Hanlon, Richard Vranch on piano and me Clive Anderson saying good night. Good night.
Barry: &lt;gruff voice&gt; Oh. These damn prunes aren’t working.
Ronald: &lt;old voice&gt; WHAT?!
Barry: &lt;gruff voice&gt; I SAID THESE DAMN PRUNES AREN’T WORKING!
Ronald: &lt;old voice&gt; Yes, Clive Anderson isn’t working.
Steve: G5!
Barry: &lt;gruff voice&gt; Holy Russell Norman I got one!
Ronald: &lt;old voice&gt; Graeme Story has a small one?
Steve: B4!
Ardal: &lt;old granny voice&gt; Bingo!
Ronald: &lt;old voice&gt; That damn Paula Wilson won.
Barry: Let’s rush him like we did to Kieth Mayes in the 30s.
Steve: I69!
Ardal: &lt;old granny voice&gt; I used to do 69 with Brian Lofthouse when we were middle aged.
Barry: &lt;gruff voice&gt; Did you ever do it with Clive Anderson?
Ardal: &lt;granny voice&gt; Yes.
Barry: &lt;gruff voice&gt; Gross!
Ronald: &lt;old voice&gt;
Ardal: &lt;granny voice&gt; And Dan Patterson too!
Ronald: &lt;old voice&gt; WHAT?! I lost my virginity eighty-five years ago to Anne
Marie Thorogood!
Steve: Hoe 17!

Robert Stack’s Voice: After that dubloth, and Superman disappeared, the set returned to normal and no tragic events happened that day. So magically everything was set back to normal. Before they faded away Doc Browhn gave Mirko and slinger the finger. The events that transpired St.Patrick’s Day week never really happened.
Neither did the ones leading up to Memorial Day Long Weekend. Or did they? Perhaps you can solve this mystery.

[slinger]

Now the fun begins......

[slinger]

Monday Morning Moderator Meeting Room
December 17, 2001

All the current moderators have assemlbed themeselves to their respective seats.
The long table has become even longer than the previous one. Pagz, Niels have
went on to other things. While aeon-death, Link, Doomsday, Frizzo the Clown,
thebtskink, r0bix mrTECH and silent_speech have gotten their swivel chairs and
valet parking oh and power. Here’s the seating arrangement of mods. And the kids
table.
[code]
Mirko
JBond mrTECH
Superman bbf2
Olorin dubloth
thebtskink slinger
Link Doomsday
Frizzo silent_speech
r0bix aeon-death


Midget 1 Midget 2
Midget 3 Madness
Moe Con-Air
Godzilla
</pre><hr></blockquote>
Mirko: Okay me and mrTECH have some big news.
Frizzo: We’re getting washroom stalls for the midgets?
mrTECH: Well Madness ate the order form for the new urinals and stalls so you can thank him for not getting any.Frizzo takes off one of his big floppy shoes fills it with unopened soup cans and throws it at Madness who was talking to Moe. He falls over and the midgets get up and start humping Madness.

JBond: (shaking head) Their should be a height requirement for this room.
Mirko: Anyway about the suprise. You know that SHH thing we’ve been taunting people with?
Link: So you’re the ones that spray painted SHH is coming soon on my horse.
slinger: &lt;whispering to dubloth&gt; Does he have a permit for that?
dubloth: &lt;whispering to slinger&gt; All I know is it takes huges *****s on the hood of my Le Baron.
mrTECH: Well thanks to our huge financial gains in the markets which allowed us to improve our two buildings, open our own Hollywood Junkyard, ...Pizza and Hookers Club, a Museum along with a Hall of Fame and soon to be Restuarant. We’re pleased to annouce that we’ll have a new building added to our complex.
bbf2: Super-Hero Hype.
Mirko: Hey! How’d ya know?
Superman: It doesn’t take a genuis to figure out what SHH means.
Doomsday: Have you guys checked out the public washroom? Its written all over the walls. What SHH means. I say you get the cleaning crew on top of that.
aeon-death: I don’t think I’ve ever seen any grafiti on any of the washrooms I’ve been in.
bbf2: Don’t you only use Mirko’s or the Women’s washroom?
aeon-death: I used Mirko’s twice and there’s hardly any ladies so its kinda
like a third home with a couch in there.
silent_speech: Well females are more civilized. (looks at the midgets who are still humping Madness. Blood is dripping from his mouth and nose. Con-Air is eating Oreo O’s, while Moe tries to get the midgets off Madness. Godzilla us playing a Game Boy Advance game.
r0bix: Excuse me did you say couch?
thebtksink: So SHH is going to open next year?
JBond: Yeah. We got to much hype on our new restuarant that’s opening this weekend.
Olorin: The one with all the celebrities? I’ll make sure to break Wood’s legs so he can’t attend.
bbf2: Shouldn’t you be in line for ‘Lord Of The Rings’?
Olorin: Yeah I’m heading straight down there, as soon as this damn meeting is over.
Mirko: Well do you think you can be able to spend time away from CS!
without letting LOTR becoming weeded with unnecessary posts?
Olorin: Probably a 30% chance.
Mirko: Ok. Then away with ye.

Olorin gets up and leaves. Moe finally gets a midget off Madness. But he fell backwards and now the midget is humping Moe. Con-Air is rumaging through Frizzo’s shoe. Godzilla is trimming his nose hairs.

Moe: Helllp me!!!
slinger: *coughs* So anyone watch SNL?
JBond: Yeah I saw some.
r0bix: Can we stop this? It’s very annoying.
Frizzo: C’mon. Madness and Moe are enjoying themeselves.
r0bix: Madness probably is bleeding internally.
aeon-death: You only see that on one of those freaky TV channels. The Hot Midget Zone.
bbf2: Can I pass out the holiday cookies that my mom made?
thebtskink: Alright! I brought worm jam if you guys want to dunk them in.
Superman: Yuck! Who makes holiday cookies? They have to be store bought regular kind cookies. Just like my mom used to have. Pass the worm jam, skinky.
JBond: Is this a star or snowflake?
dubloth: My worm jam is moving!!!
slinger: I say this meeting is over.
r0bix: But nothing has been destroyed.
silent_speech: Except for Madness’ and Moe’s internal organs.
Godzilla: ROAR! I mean hey the Junior Mods didn’t get a say!
Mirko: Very well.
Godzilla: Okay, we’ve gotten our 1000 signatures needed to get a Godzilla/Con-Air Forum.
Con-Air: With the majority all real. Or is it the other way around.
Godzilla: (gets up gives copt to aeon-death. passes it along) Here’s the copy. Now that we have a legitamite forum can we have a real office?
Con-Air: Yeah. That tree house outside is always getting egged.
Gozilla: Its those midgets. More annoying than Mothra.
Mirko: Can you assure me that there is someone named GBond J Adams?
Con-Air: He could drop by later.
mrTECH: Isn’t he that crazy guy in a old tuxedo that hands out dead rats?
Godzilla: On some days yes.
Mirko: These need to be signatures of people that have access to the internet. And know how to use it.

[ 12-30-2001: Message edited by: slinger ]</p>

[Con-Air]

Heh heh, this is great stuff. I laughed my ass off when I saw Godzilla and I at the kiddy table with all the midgets. It's just like real life.

[slinger]

Con-Air: We gave dubolth’s iMac to him.
dubloth: So that’s who took it. It was tough with working with only four computers.
Godzilla: Just give us the forum Mirko. You let them have a Pizza & Hookers Club.
Frizzo: Say its time for my morning rub down. (pulls out whistle, plays it. midgets run to Frizzo.) We’re leaving now. Grab my shoe. Well gentlemen and lady. I’ll see you in 25 years.
r0bix: Why does he say that all the time?
aeon-death: There’s a huge chance the cops might arrest him when he leaves the building.

Midget 3 picks up the shoe and empties the soup cans on top of Madness’ crotch. Moe slowly gets up and leans against the table, spitting blood and holding his chest.

Moe: They need one of... those Hannibal... Lector things. Keep ‘em secure. Frizzo you going to P & H?
Frizzo: (fixing red nose) You bet your mama’s sweet doughnut I am.
Moe: Well have fun. All the girls are out.
Superman: OUTLANDISH! WHERE COULD THEY GO?!
Moe: The girls went out Christmas shopping.
r0bix: I’m thinking alcohol for r0b this year.
JBond: That’s what you get every year.
slinger: So what celebrities are coming here on Friday?
Moe: I bet pixi is buying some sexy underwear for Kid Moe.
thebtskink: Don’t you mean Kid Ugly?

Moe shoots a mean look at thebtskink.

thebtskink: Hey you called yourself Moe, in an environment of Simpsons fans.
bbf2: Hey wasn’t he called Noballs before?

Swanky’s Drugstore

Sway69, fractal_inversion, Elizabeth, Superchunk, Ripley and pixiness are shopping for some stocking stuffers. Pixiness is in the cosmetics isle.

pixiness: Maybe I’ll find something for Frizzo down here. Ah here we go. Now I need to find some rash cream for Moe.

Pixi turns and heads down the isle. Her giant pixy wings on her back knock all the products on to the floor. Pixi struggles to walk as she clears the whole shelf. She turns around and looks at the mess.

pixiness: Where are the Ghostbusters when you need them?

[slinger]

Young Drugstore Clerk: Um &lt;srceechy&gt; miss you’ll have &lt;normal&gt; to pay for any of those damaged goods. If um, there are &lt;screechy&gt; any.
pixi: Listen... Chad, my boyfriends are just a block away and if you have any trouble you take it up with them.
fractal_inversion: Hey theres the eye concealer I wanted. (bends down, stays there)
Sway69: Here you guys are. What a mess. Hey frac I’ll help you find that
cologne for Olorin. (gets on all fours)
Young Drugstor Clerk: &lt;screechy&gt; Ah yeah. If anyone needs me I’ll be in the breakroom, looking at Maxim. &lt;whipsers screechy&gt; Where’s the Vasaline?
Sway69: That was too easy.
fractal_inversion: Wanna go to the SMH! Starbucks and tease the guys and lesbians who work there?
pixi: SMH! Starbucks?
fractal_inversion: There are three Starbucks in this area. There’s one on the same street as SMH!, one on the same street CS! is and one right across from the new SHH! Building.
Elizabeth: Are you guys talking about the new Starbucks?
Superchunk: Check out the size of the Tolberone bars they have here.

Superchunk struggles to stand holding two giant bars that are about four feet long and two human hands wide. Elizabeth is peeling away the tin foil.

Sway69: You could use that as a blanket.
pixi: That’s bigger than my vibrator.
fractal_inversion: Hey! Quiet. Young ones shoplift here.
Superchunk: This could last me till next Christmas. I’ll think I’ll give the Tolberone box to Madness.
Elizabeth: Here we go. Can you believe this is only ten dollars? Did you ever here about the urban legend of small children’s fingers being found in these bars? They say a Swedish witch....
pixi: Say did that one move? I think it moved.
Ripley: Would you be offended if you got Listerine for Christmas?
Superchunk: Well some of those guys do need mouth wash.
Ripley: There isn’t much alcohol in it, so I guess I could give it to the Junior Mods.
Sway69: Well what Starbucks are we going too?
Drugstore Clerk on PA: Clean up aisle four.

[Kyle Katarn]

HEY!!! There's a drugstore, and I'm not there?! WHASSUPWITDAT?! :mad: ;)

[slinger]

[quote]Originally posted by Kyle Katarn:
<strong>HEY!!! There's a drugstore, and I'm not there?! WHASSUPWITDAT?! :mad: ;) </strong><hr></blockquote>

You're going to the movies.

[Kyle Katarn]

Sweet...oh, BTW, I didn't forget about you in my Smackdown fanfic......champ! ;)

[slinger]

The Pizza & Hookers Club Est.2001
Tuesday, December 18
12:14 AM

[code]
Museum parking SMH!
P&H Treehouse
SHH! parking CS!
</pre><hr></blockquote>

Frizzo, Agent_87, Ripley, Sway69, tyler, TylerRoss, Moe, Madness, pixi, fractal, Superman and Con-Air are making use of the pizza, hookers, alcohol and replicator. It is raining outside, which is very odd. Superman Ten Ago Minutes is the doorman. He makes sure the right individuals make it in. Someone enters....

Paul Reubens: Say can I guy still get a good pie at this time?
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: What is your defintion of 'pie'?
Paul Reubens: Well the pie I have in mind is moist, cheesy, red sauce on it sometimes has hair in it.
Superman Ten Minutes Ago: Oh we got that. Right this way Mr. Herman.
Paul Reubens: Its Paul.

They both enter the club. Paul gaves at the poles, tables, booths, the bar, the partons, hookers, dance floor, the lights, and guest rooms. STMA escorts Paul to Guest Room 4.

Superman Ten Minutes Ago: Your pie should be in there in about ten minutes. Help yourself to the porn. This is the arty one. Don't worry the feds can't take it away. Con-Air bottled them to the floor and walls.

Over at the bar....

Agent_87: Well I sent away for my license to kill today.
Moe: You mean yesterday.
Agent_87: Don't get techincal with me here. Your job is to pour drinks and mop up the mess.
tyler: Oh Moe, I made a mess in Guest Rooms 4, 7 and 8. I had a Greek pizza and replicated that chick from 'Providence' and it didn't agree with me.
Agent_87: So it was like Pompei, eh?
Moe: That's Italy.
Ty_Ross: I had Italian today. Twice.
tyler: Pizza?
Ty_Ross: Yes.
Moe: Ah friend no hookers today? Too bad.
tyler: It just turned Tuesday like 20some minutes ago. I've had two pizzas.
Moe: Say who wants to fight over this festive glass eye?
Agent_87: Where did my Christmas Eye Spy Cam go?
Ty_Ross: Me and tyler will dance in the gladiator ring for it.
Con-Air: Did someone say Gladiator Ring? Jessica Alba flip the switch!
Ripley: (walking over) Are you going to say her full name untill she disappears?
Agent_87: Wait replicants disappear?
Con-Air: For one week. That's to get the pathetic back into this place to buy beer and pizza.
Agent_87: Oh geez! Then I have only six days, twenty hours and four minutes left before my Alyssia Milano Repilcant will go bye bye! Frizzo! Get your gloved hands of my MILANO!

The Jessica Alba Replicant gets up and flips the big switch on the wall. In the center of the dance floor a small replica of the coliesum is lowered over Ty_Ross and tyler. They begin a drunken fist fight. A small crowd has been gathered.

Sway69: (wearing all leather) The winner is going to need a glass eye when this is done.
fractal_inversion: (wearing outback style shirt and shorts) I'm going to be up all night from that coffee I drank at Starbucks.
pixi: (wearing Disney Tinkerbell outfit) I told you to get the small size.
fractal_inversion: Maybe you like small things.
Moe: Who wants baby back ribs!
fractal_inversion: Speaking of...

A drunk and furious pixi grabs a handful of baby back ribs, pounches frac and starts shoving them down her mouth.

Frizzo: WHOA! CAT FIGHT! CANCEL THE GLADIATOR FIGHT!

A siren is heard. The two combatants look from their little arena at the cat fight. Madness runs right up to them in a referee styled straight jacket that is open.

Madness: C'MON! MORE HAIR PULLING!!! LETS SEE IF YOU CAN GET SOME LIPS LOCKED!!! HAAHAAAHA!!! LOOK AT ME!!! MY SLEVES FLAP BACK AND FORTH!!! WOOOO!!
Frizzo: The security camera is picking this up right?
Con-Air: Well it always picks up what you do with the butter knives.
Frizzo: Don't knock it 'till you try it.
Con-Air: Jessica Alba come over here.
Jessica Alba Replicant: What is it master?
Con-Air: Jessi, I'd like you to join this cat fight.
Jessica Alba Replicant: Okay but the new clothes you bought for me might get ruined.
Con-Air: Well you know what to do.
Jessica Alba Repilcant: Yes. Disrobe.

[Link]

[quote]Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>A siren is heard. The two combatants look from their little arena at the cat fight. Madness runs right up to them in a referee styled straight jacket that is open.

Madness: C'MON! MORE HAIR PULLING!!! LETS SEE IF YOU CAN GET SOME LIPS LOCKED!!! HAAHAAAHA!!! LOOK AT ME!!! MY SLEVES FLAP BACK AND FORTH!!! WOOOO!!
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Ever since the meeting, I've been laughing my ass off. Oh and I think the rest of the story should revolve around the Cat-Fight. Great story Slinger!

[ 01-06-2002: Message edited by: Link ]</p>

[slinger]

Agent_87: (exits Guest Room 3) Still got it. Oh crap a cat fight! Look at this Milly! Hey Superman! Get your ass out here.
Superman: (wearing a outfit made of metal flasks taped to his shirt) I couldn't here from these shirt clanging and the Misses screams.
Frizzo: What's with the getup?
Superman: If I want a drink then I just rip it off. If I fear of being shot with kryptonite bullets I wear this.
Con-Air: Why would you have a fear of being shot here?
Superman: I over heard at CS! that someone was talking to the police about this place. Somehting about a bust. Now do they mean a bust as in a women's chest size, or one of those statue things of famous people's heads or ALBA HAS JOINED THE CAT FIGHT!!!
Madness: ROUGHER!! IS THAT A WORD?! OH WHO CARES!!!

All of a sudden the power shuts off. The cat fights still continues. Quickly many lighters are lit.

Moe: I thought you paid the bills?
Con-Air: Moe, care to join me in the office?
Moe: Why's that, old chum?
Con-Air: IT'S THE HEAT!!

SWAT teams burst through the front door and cover Superman Ten Minutes Ago with a potato sack and beat him over the head with copies of 'Lord of the Rings'. Con-Air grabs two hookers and heads to his office. Moe picks up pixi and does so too. Frizzo is frantic trying to gather all his midgets. His midget whistle is knocked to the floor and he starts searching for it. Ty_Ross and tyler kick down one side of the coliesum head to the bar and dodge rubber bullets to grab some pizza and drinks. Ripley pulls out a shotgun and starts picking off SWAT guys. Frac gets up and also runs to the office. Agent_87 is hiding in the pizza oven with his replicant. The Alba Replicant is screaming and looking for her bra. Frizzo has it on top of his head.

Frizzo: FIND MY WHISTLE!! I'LL GIVE IT BACK!!
SWAT Team Leader: Cancel the rubber bullets! Get out the real ones!

In the office...

Con-Air: Why is this window in here so small?!!
Moe: Hello? Kyle?!! Where are you?!! The drugstore?!! Get your ass to P&H! Its a bust!!
pixi: Look what she did to my Tinkerbell outfit. (slapped by frac)
fractal_inversion: You fool! Our place is being raided!!
Moe: Who would do such a thing?!!

[Con-Air]

Now I'm in suspense.... I need more, MORE!!!

[Moe Szyslak]

I feel honored...I've actually made it into a fan fiction.

[Kyle Katarn]

[quote]Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>Moe: Hello? Kyle?!! Where are you?!! The drugstore?!! Get your ass to P&H! Its a bust!!
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Business is about to pick up! :D

[Nilade]

You know what, I never make it into fan fiction. Can you at least let me pull an N'Sync and have a cameo?

[slinger]

[quote]Originally posted by Nilade:
<strong>You know what, I never make it into fan fiction. Can you at least let me pull an N'Sync and have a cameo?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Sure.

[slinger]

Con-Air: I have an idea.
Moe: Well grab the hard drive and lets smash that window.
pixi: Oh can I? You guys are always destroying things.

In the pizza oven...

Agent_87: I've never been in here half sober before.
Alyssa Milano Replicant: Want to bake a cake?

Tapping is heard from outside. Agent_87 is puzzled.

Agent_87: Who is it?

The pizza door is opened and a sacred Frizzo is there with his midget sack on his back with a leg and arm sticking out.

Frizzo: Am I glad to see you! And you too 87. Do you guys know the way out of here?
Agent_87: Follow us.

Over behind the bar...

Ty_Ross: Save the alcohol!
fractal_inversion: Say Moe keeps flare guns back here. On the count of two we fire.
tyler: On two or right after?
fractal_inversion: On two. One. Two.

Outside the P&H Club...

Kyle Katarn drives JBond's Dodge Caravan SE right up to the broken window. The door slides open and Kyle opens the door. Figures emerge from the window.

Kyle Katarn: Hurry!
Moe: (holding the hardrive) Protect this with your life.
Kyle: Spreadsheets and stuff on here?
Moe: No. Mostly porn.
pixi: What's with all the medical stuff?
Kyle: Um, I'm expierementing on mice.
Con-Air: Well they'll have to go if Skankastic and Finessa are going to join us.

Kyle ditches the his recent purchases at drugstore
in the rainy street and floors it.

pixi: Wait! What about 87? And Frizzo. And Ty_Ross. And Superman. And the Jessica Alba Replicant. And...
Con-Air: (sitting in the bench seat with the two hookers) We get the point!!
Moe: May the Pizza & Hookers God have mercy on their souls. Hey where are we going?
Kyle: On the way here I saw they were filming a 'Carrot Top, 1-800-CALL-ATT' commerical. There is nature's cruelest mistake.

Carrot Top is talking on a pay phone with a small film crew. Kyle swerves and heads directly towards Carrot Top. He sees this and starts running. Kyle hits Carrot Top and he ends up on the hood. Moe's window comes downa and he throws a Frostee Cup from Wendy's at Carrot Top.

[Kyle Katarn]

http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/icons/icon14.gif http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/icons/icon14.gif http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/icons/icon14.gif http://www.comingsoon.net/ubb/icons/icon14.gif YESSS!!! :D Not only am I included, in character with the drugs, I get to attack an annoying celebrity!!!

[slinger]

The Frostee ends up in his red shag hair. Moe pulls out some empty beer bottle and continues to throw them at Carrot Top, while pixi, Con-Air, Skanktastic, Kyle and Finessa are laughing.

Carrot Top: When will will this cruel joke end?!
Moe: Let's kidnap him. He could be our personal stress reliever.
pixi: I thought I was your stress reliever?
Kyle: We can keep him in mrTECH's high tech, super secure computer lab. But first we have to drive over to thebtskink and bbf2's apartment. We'll drive in circles outside it and they can throw whatever at him.
Con-Air:(with the bench seat down) This vans a rockin!
Moe: Okay I'll throw the loose change in the astray then I'll call them.
Carrot Top: I wish I had a hillarious prop that could rescue me from this perdicament.

Back at the P&H Club...

Ty_Ross, tyler durden, fractal_inversion and Madness are holed up in the bar. Superman just simply flew through the roof. Frizzo, Agent_87 and his replicant found a secret passage in the floor that leads to the Godzilla/Con-Air Treehouse Forum. While Superman Ten Minutes Ago is in the Literature Nook reading some Lord of the Rings. While Paul Ruebens got a scare.

SWAT Guy #1: Alright who is in here?!! OH! Its you!!
Paul Reubens: (with no pants on, and a pizza and a hooker in a thong) I know this looks bad. Just a...
SWAT Guy #2: Just what is it with you? Sicky.
Paul Reubens: Listen. I came in this room for some pizza pie. In came this hooker with pizza. The pizza fell on my pants. It was steaming hot and the cheese did a Vulcan mind meld thing and stuck to the pants. I took them off, then you guys came and...
P&H Club Hooker: He came on to me.
Paul Reubens: What?! Assasatasia?! You lie!!
Assasatasia: Who is the media going to belive? Me or you?
SWAT Guy #1: She's got you there. Come on lets go. (grabs Paul)
Paul Reubens: Wait I need my coat and pants.
SWAT Guy #2: Not this time Sicky.

Exiting the P&H Club and onto Willard Avenue...

It has stopped raining now and the news cans have shown up. They all start running when they see someone is being ascorted out.

News 5 Reporter: Look! Paul Reubens!!
CNN Reporter: Paul. Paul! Why are your pants down?!
Paul Reubens: ALL I WANTED WAS PIZZA. Instead I got this hooker.
Assasatasia: I came in with his pants down. Very disgusting.
SWAT Guy #2: We found Mr.Reubens in the room with this prostitute. He wasn't wearing any pants. He claimed the pizza fell on it. We didn't seem to find any pizza.
Paul Reubens: BECAUSE IT WAS STILL ON MY PANTS!!!
SWAT Guy #1: Mr.Reubens will be charged for indecent exposure, not listening to officers of the law.
Paul Reubens: YOU'RE A SWAT GUY!!
SWAT Guy #3: Get in the van!!
Action News 12 Reporter: Can you tell us the situation in there?
SWAT Guy #3: Ah we still have some hookers to round up. I believe Jessica Alba is in there. Guys want her autograph. Oh and four dangerous people are holed up in the bar. We're about to make our move.
Action News 12 Reporter: Who tipped you off?
SWAT Guy #2: Um is there anyone from Channel 8? I only watch Channel 8.
Channel 8 Reporter: Yeah right here!
SWAT Guy #2: Oh my goodness! Its Lucy Laton! Lucy you're hot! Bill! Jake! Its Lucy Laton from Channel 8!!
Lucy Laton: Thanks. So who tipped you off.
SWAT Guy #1: Our snitch is an employee who works in the proximity of this establishement. I believe his name was Nirolo. Some Kansas Boy accent I guess to hide his identity.

[pixiness]

::: reminds herself there are no small parts, only small actors ::: :D ;) (great job so far slinger)

[Frizzo the Clown]

[quote]Originally posted by pixiness:
<strong>::: reminds herself there are no small parts, only small actors ::: :D ;) (great job so far slinger)</strong><hr></blockquote>And you are a very small actor!

[slinger]

JBond's Apartment

JBond is sitting in his leather couch playing GoldenEye. He shuts it off and starts flipping through channels.

JBond: Seen it. Boring. Boring. Already bought Epil-Stop N Spray. Seen it. Boring. No chance of an explosion, dead body or boob. Boring. Chance of a boob in like an hour. ....I'll watch this. Hey there iterupting my program!
Lucy Laton: This is Lucy Laton live in downtown Houston right here on Willard Steet. A local night club has...

JBond's Roger Moore 007 phone rings. JBond picks it up without taking his eyes off the screen.

JBond: Yeah I'm watching. You?! Olorin why?! Yeah I know but if you get caught they'll hang you Texas-style. Well you can't spend all your time at the theatre watching LOTR. Well I don't know blame it on some ...hold on. Another caller. Bbf2? Uh yeah. Really? Carrot Top? I've been wanting to throw stuff at him since I first saw him on Leno. I'll be right there. Bye. Olorin I gotta go.
Lucy Laton: We have word that only one individual remains inside. Refusing to give up.
JBond: Oh shoot.

Once again, back to the P&H Club...

Frac, Ty, and tyler used a grappling hook and made their way through Superman's hole that he created. They quickly fleed and soon escaped. Madness said he would never leave the greatest place on Earth that didn't begin with Disney.

Madness: GET OUT OF MY CLUB!!
SWAT Guy #3: Surrender now. Give it up.
Madness: I RATHER GO DOWN IN A HAIL OF GUNFIRE INSTEAD OF JUST CONSIDERING WHAT YOU PROPOSED!!!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHMAMAHAWWAAAAA!!!!!

Madness jumps up and charges about seventeen SWAT guys with two hand guns and firing. His arme sleves are ripped with gunfire from the SWAT Guys. Madness shoots down about five. He then starts punching and kicking them. But more and more SWAT guys enter and start piling on top of him.

Fast Forward One Day
Coming Soon Building!
Thursday, Dec.20, 2001

Olorin, slinger and JBond are walking to their respective offices. Superman runs up to the three.

Superman: Olorin their is a package outside your office!
Olorin: Really? Wow. Newly designed office, I’ve seen ‘Fellowship of the Ring’
four times and I have a package for me.
JBond: I haven’t seen Greengoblin yet. Maybe its from him.
Superman: Well it says from England!
Olorin: (approaches huge box) Hey do you here something. Something muffled.
slinger: I think JBond farted.
JBond: Yeah its this new kind of boxer briefs that have extra padding and sound absorbing stuff in them.
Superman: Should I use my laser vision to open this?
Olorin: Nay the last time you did that Frizzo smelt like burnt hair for weeks.
JBond: I’lll use my pocket knife.

JBond cuts the left side off. They pull down the cardboard and recieve a shock!

slinger: LOTR!
LOTR: Yes I amhere.
Olorin: He even talks funny.
LOTR: Olrin is such a joker.
Superman: (speask slowly in ****ney accent) What are you doing here?
LOTR: To visit you. And see that greaetest movie, Felwoship of the Rings.
slinger: Shame all the Houston showings are sold out.
Mirko’s Voice: &lt;heard over intercom&gt; Olorin your twelve tickets to treat some CS! memebers are here in my office. Come pick them up. And hey its the same theatre where you’ve gone the past two days.
LOTR: You guys are badd lyeirs.

Golden Cactus Googleplex

The CS! Elite allowed LOTR to join them since Frizzo had to take the midgets to the zoo. So, JBond, Superman, Olorin, slinger, Link, thebtskink, Con-Air, Moe, pixi, Kyle Katarn, Agent_87 and LOTR all shuffled into two CS! Helicopters and landed on the roof. They’ve made there way in and now headed to the 12:20 P.M. showing of ‘The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring’.

[b]Superman:[b] So Olo, this lives up to the hype?
Olorin: Only film ever. And surpasses.
JBond: Good. I want to eat these Skor bars I smuggled in and enjoy the film too.
LOTR: So you guys are sneaking in outside food?
Theatre Employee: Did I hear right? You boys are sneaking in contraband?
JBond: No I was...
Superman: Hey stop listening!
Theatre Guy: Step to the side please.

The Theatre Guy pats down JBond. He pulls one loose thread and about a dozen candy bars and bottles of Minute Maid juices fall to the floor. Superman panics and pulls the Twizllers from his pants.

[slinger]

Superman: Go easy on me. I have a record. Like the size of a monster truck.
pixi: &lt;while eating popcorn&gt; What’s happening here?
Agent_87: JBond and Superman are getting busted for smuggling crack in junk food wrappers.
Theatre Guy: Crack?!! Swarm! Swarm!!

Theatre Security charge and push JBond and Superman to the ground. They bind there hands strong plastic string. They grab the food and take them upstairs.

JBond: I come here all the time! Its a mistake!
Superman: The one thing he can says normally and he blabs that we have candy in our crotches!
Theatre Guy: We’ll probably have to strip search them and post it on our
website. *cough* Thanks son.
LOTR: Sure no trroble officer.
Con-Air: Did anybody film that?
Moe: Yeah I did. I sure hope I have enough film left to tape LOTR.
Link: You’re taping too?
slinger: Well on we go.

They remaining CS! memebers head up to their assigned row. Here’s the seating arrangement. Olorin has decieded to sit alone far from them since he knows they’ll do something to distract him from watching the movie.

[code]
COATS-COATS-empty-Kyle-LOTR-slinger-Link-pixi-Moe-ConAir-Agent_87-thebtskink
-LOTRFan5-LOTRFan4-LOTRFan-LOTRFan2-LOTRFan3
</pre><hr></blockquote>

slinger: I was scared I was going to get caught smuggling stuff in. Who wants meatballs?
pixi: I’ll have some balls.
Con-Air: I’m almost done grating the cheese.
thebtskink: Good thing this movie doesn’t start for another forty minutes.
Kyle: The radish in this salad is great, Link. What’s your secret?
Link: Old family dish. I must compliement you on the garlic bread.
Moe: Slinger do you have any more butter for the French bread?
slinger: Pass this down. Watch the coleslaw.
Con-Air: Cheese is done. Now I’ll have a beer.
LOTR: Whoa, you guysa re pros. All I bought was popcorn, mints and Coke.
pixi: Slinger these balls are mouthwatering.
slinger: So are your doughnuts. I like the ones with extra pixy dust.
Link: I made some Kool-Aid.
thebtskink: What flavour? Cherry?
Link: Blue something.
Agent_87: Someone help me eat this ice cream its melting.
Con-Air: Lets try an ice cream beer float. Put some in my beer.
LOTR: I’m outta popcorn.
Link: (checking out the best position for camera) So?
LOTR: I need someone to acompany me to the popcorn palce.
Moe: We drew straws and I got stuck with being incharge with you, so lets go.
LOTR: Alright barman!
thebtskink: HEY!
Kyle: What’s the problem? Need something from your coat?
thebtskink: When I saw ‘Jurassic Park III’ I wrote something cool on the back
of this seat.

[Moe Szyslak]

[quote]Originally posted by slinger:
<strong> Superman panics and pulls the Twizllers from his pants.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Funniest line in the whole thing. :D

[slinger]

[quote]Originally posted by Moe Szyslak:
<strong>

Funniest line in the whole thing. :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

It ain't over yet.

[Kyle Katarn]

[quote]Originally posted by slinger:
Link:[/b] Old family dish. I must compliement you on the garlic bread.
<hr></blockquote>

Awesome! Garlic bread IS one of the very few things I can cook! :D

[slinger]

Flashback to July 24, 2001

Godzilla, JBond and thebtskink are sitting watching the credits of the movie.

Godzilla: Well that gets my AOK Stamp. (stamps his foot on the chair infront)
JBond: Entertaining but I thought it could be better.
thebtskink: Hey chums, I wrote ‘I Got No Legs!’ on the back of the seat. And
‘Skink Rules!’.
Godzilla: That also gets my AOK Stamp.
Guy: Will you quit stomping my seat!! (stands up and throws water ballons at Godzilla.
thebtksink: That’s something we should try.

Return to Present

thebtskink: Now its very offensive.
slinger: What does it say now?
Agent_87: Its pretty funny.
slinger: Oh wait I remember now. We went to see POTA together right?
thebtskink: Yeah....

Flashback to August 2, 2001[/b]

Dubloth, Frizzo, thebtskink, POTA, slinger, EmpireOfDust and Superman are all waitng for the film to start.

slinger: So how many times have you seen this one, POTA?
POTA: (slaps neck ala Charlton Heston) Oh about nine times.
EmpireOfDust: HA! I’ve seen this one fourteen! BURTON IS A GOD!!
dubloth: He needs volumne control.
Frizzo: Pass the chicken noodle soup.
thebtskink: Here you go there might be worms in it.
Superman: &lt;whispers&gt; Hey slinger, Empire. Looky at what are worm loving friend did.
EmpireOfDust: &lt;whispers&gt; Here use this to make poke fun at him.
slinger: &lt;whispers&gt; Something a-boot sucking Trebek.
Superman: &lt;whispers&gt; Can do. Make sure he doesn’t see me.
EmpireOfDust: So what’s your favourite Burton film, dubloth?
slinger: You idoit you’re suppose to ask thebtskink! Whoops.
POTA: Quiet everyone. The film is starting.
EmpireOfDust: Uh. My chocolates melted.
Superman: My eyes hurt. Too dusty in here.

[i]Flashback ends

slinger: And because of that, I now use only M&M’s as my form of chocolate I sneak in. Bless your soul EmpireOfDust.
thebtskink: I don’t think he’s dead.
LOTR Fan: Hey Lady! Your damn wings are blocking my view!!
pixi: Uh geez. Every time.

Pixi turns around and blows some auburn pixy dust into the LOTR Fan’s eyes.

LOTR Fan: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! My eyes!! They burn!!!!
LOTR Fan 2: What the ****?!!
LOTR Fan 5: Where’s Frodo when you need him?!!!
LOTR Fan: I can’t take it!!! I need to go! What do my eyes look like?
LOTR Fan 3: OHH! Like herpes on your face!
LOTR Fan 4: Lets get out of here!
All LOTR Fans: AHGGGHHHHH!
Agent_87: You could’ve just deattached your pixy wings.
pixi: What’s the fun in that? (detaches them now)
Conan O’Brien: (tapping slinger’s back) Can I sit with you? I don’t want to sit and a row that’s now full of losers and have someone say ‘Look at that giant nerd up there. He’s all alone.
slinger: Sure.

Conan jumps over the seat and lands in the LOTR’s seat. He picks up some lobster and starts eating.

Kyle: So what are you doing here?
Conan O’Brien: There’s nothing good on TV in Houston.
Con-Air: Yeah even there porn sucks.
Sexy Woman: Excuse me is that seat taken?
slinger: That empty one?
Kyle: Nope! You can come and sit over here.
Conan O’Brien: &lt;does that thing he does to woman&gt; I like this movie already.
Sexy Woman: Well hello. Say can I put my coat over there?

[ 01-11-2002: Message edited by: slinger ]</p>

[Frizzo the Clown]

LOTR made it into a fan fic? Whats this world coming to?

[slinger]

[quote]Originally posted by Frizzo the Clown:
<strong>LOTR made it into a fan fic? Whats this world coming to?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Well I needed someone to get Supes and JBond caught, and then lose there seat. So...

[slinger]

The Sexy Woman gets up and moves around Kyle and then starts taking her coat off. Kyle leans over to Conan and slinger.

Kyle: This lady is hot. I want to tell her how I feel. I’m thinking of writing her a letter on my ticket stub.
Conan: I’ve written a.... Conologue for a similar situation. Just replace her name in place of Rebecca.
Kyle: Thanks.
Link: Hey Conan can I get you on tape saying nobody moderates better than Link?
Conan: Okay.
Moe: We’re back.
LOTR: What tho fiudge? Theres some tall guy in mey seat! And what is that sexy lady doing wthi Kyl?
Agent_87: We sold you’re seat. Besides this movie is PG-13. Aren’t you 12?
Theatre people! &lt;whispers&gt; Hide the food.
Theartre Employee #2: What?
Con-Air: This under age boy snuck in. Dispose of him.
Theatre Employee #2: You’re coming with me.
LOTR: NOOO!!! All my life I’ve been waiting for this!
Theatre Employee #2: You’re going to go enjoy ‘Jimmy Neutron:Boy Genuis’.
thebtskink: Rough times for him.
Conan O’Brien: Nobody moderates better than... hey what’s her name?
slinger: Pixiness.
Link: Can we try that again?
Conan O’Brien: Nobody moderates and looks as good as pixiness!
pixi: Why thank you Conan.
Link: Ugh. Could you just say that one thing.
Conan O’Brien: Okay. Just once. Ready? ..THE MOLECULAR MAN!

Later in the movie, when the Fellowship sets out for Mount Doom

Moe: &lt;whispers&gt; Pixi take the camera I have to go to the men’s room.
pixi: &lt;whispers&gt; Hey this is the one we used last night.
slinger: *coughs* *coughs* &lt;whispers&gt; Damn.
Conan O’Brien: &lt;whispers&gt; Better cut down on the cartons, Biff.
Con-Air: &lt;whispers&gt; Uh jeez.
Agent_87: &lt;whispers&gt; What?
Con-Air: &lt;whispers&gt; All this beer. I have to take a piss but I don’t want to miss any of the film. Give me your drink.
Agent_87: &lt;whispers&gt; I brought beer and juice boxes.
Con-Air: &lt;whispers&gt; Here’s a cup. (takes Moe’s Dr.Pepper) AHHH! Theres still ice in here. Very cold.
thebtskink, pixi, Link, slinger, Conan, Sexy Woman, Kyle: &lt;whispers&gt; Shut it!
Con-Air: &lt;whispers&gt; Oh yeah.
Moe: &lt;whispers&gt; Excuse me. What did I miss? (takes sip from cup)
Kyle: &lt;whispers&gt; Uh, Laura here I wrote this.
Sexy Woman: &lt;whispers&gt; Thats so sweet. I’ll read it after the movie is done.
Link: &lt;whispers&gt; Shut it! I’m picking you up on the camcorder.
Conan O’Brien: &lt;whispers&gt; When C is talking you shut it, and you listen.
slinger: &lt;whispers&gt; Why do I have a Tom Jones song stuck in my head all of a sudden? *coughs*
Moe: &lt;whispers&gt; You mean you dunked your boy in here? &lt;vomits&gt;
Agent_87: &lt;whispers&gt; You’re ruining the movie.

[Moe Szyslak]

I don't mind being the butt of the joke when the writing is this good.

[slinger]

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. A long while. I've been out or studying for exams or something else. I'll see if I have any stuff saved that I could post.

[slinger]

Much later, when Peter Jackson’s name
appears

pixi: You okay Moe?
Moe: (with blanket on, shaking) Take me home. Now.
Con-Air: Hey, I’m sorry. But I wasn’t
going to miss this movie like you did.
Conan O’Brien: (claps hands, stands up) Well, that was good. I was disappointed in the appearence of the ring.
Link: Oh I forgot. Conan help me take the duct tape off slinger.
Kyle: So did you read the ticket stub?
Sexy Woman Named Laura: Yes and
well I only sat up here on a dare. I met your friend Olorin yesterday here. We met again and well he told me of you and the rest. But that little prose you wrote
melted my heart.
Link: &lt;sighs&gt; Just like on TV.
Agent_87: Oh that’s great.
pixi: What?
Agent_87: Well I bugged Superman and JBond and if you remember they were taken away and well I listened in just now and JBond cracked. He ratted us all out.
Link: On what?
Agent_87: (dumbfounded) (picks up
dish with some crab dip in it) The food we
smuggled in!
Con-Air: So what’s the plan? How do we escape?
Moe: Pixi do you have any of that
Man-In-Drag Dust?
slinger: Wait, do you have tiny microphones on all of us?

[thebtskink]

you never cease to amaze in these stories.

[slinger]

Alright I need some suggestion for celebrities that will attend the Grand Opening of the CS! Restuarant. I already have some picked and written some stuff down. So if you hate a certain celebrity or would like to talk with one whatever. Post here or PM me. Also I'm sure you'll enjoy the upcoming chase scene.

[slinger]

Interrogation Room

JBond and Superman are sitting at a regular old four legged table with the manager smoking a cigarette. The room is poorly lit. JBond is drenched in sweat while Superman has in a paranoid state.

JBond: And the last one is named Link.
Theatre Manager: (blows smoke in his face) Is that all of them?
JBond: YES! Now can we go? I’ve
missed my movie.
Theatre Manager: Oh you won’t be
seeing any movies here.
Superman: WHY?! HOW?! WHO?!!
Theatre Manager: You’re both banned for a month. Only a month since you told us of the others. (the two are relieved)
Superman: Small price to pay.
JBond: How can we look them in the eye? It’ll be difficult.
Superman: Well I never look at pixi’s
eyes.
Theatre Manager: You better leave.
You’re friends should be confronted soon
and I don’t think you want to see this.
JBond: Hey its just after 3:30. We can make the 87 and take that back to work.

Theatre Playing LOTR

Olorin and some of his fellow theatre buddies laugh as they walk towards the exit. He glances over and is shocked to see what he sees. Olorin continues to the exit pretended not to see it.

Laura: Olorin! C’mon over here.
Olorin: Crud! What...? What have
you all done?!!!

(Pixi know appears to have man hands and eye brows. Moe resembles Mary from ‘There’s Something About Mary’ along with the memorable hair style. Con-Air, choosing not to go in drag, is wearing his Superman Underoos like a shirt. The S logo is strected across his chest. Agent_87 is now in
Princess Leia attire from ‘A New Hope’, along with the hair buns. Link also in drag looks like a uptight, yet wild, teacher.
Thebtskink know looks like a cheerleader. Slinger now looks like a farmer’s daughter. Kyle and Laura are somehow conjoined twins at the head that are flight attendants. Conan looks just terribly middle aged with saggy breasts and a purple dress and pearl necklace.)

pixi: We’ve been informed that
management knows about our smuggling of outside goods.
Olorin: (puzzled) But how?
Agent_87: JBond ratted us out.
Olorin: Why are you all in drag?
Link: So they don’t recognize us.
Haven’t you learned anything?
pixi: I used my Man-in-Drag Dust on them. Its powerful stuff.
Moe: You’re telling me! These are
real boobs! But I’m all man all below.
thebtskink: Luckily are voices didn’t
change.
Conan: I’m all fake. Look at these.
These aren’t real boobs! (holding them)
They’re mini-bowling balls!
Con-Air: I of course wouldn’t dare
put any of that dust on. So I put this Superman related clothing on, so they confuse me with Superman. The guy the let go. Huh. Pretty clever.
Moe: Why does my hair have to be like this?
Olorin: So you decieded to go in drag to not be seen, yet you stand out three times more.
slinger: Hey Kansas Boy, we didn’t
know that. Pixi how long does this stuff last?
pixi: About seven hours. Come here Olorin. (blows some on Olorin)
Olorin: ACK! Get this stuff off me! UH! NO!
Kyle: Okay lets get out of here. Carefull Laura.

They quickly walk down the short hallway and proceed to the nearest exit. Olorin is now dressed as a Catholic girl.

Olorin: This isn’t funny. Somebody
better not have a camera.
Link: I videotaped the whole thing.
Con-Air: You make a pretty good looking Cath...
Olorin: Don’t say anymore. Oh thank
God, the exit.

The group is nine steps away from the exit, but all of a sudden men in black suits surround them. The Theatre Manager approaches. Alright, nobody move. I don’t know how you did it, but you’re coming with me. Pixi pulls out her wand and flicks it at the ceiling. A flash of light blinds all the men. Quickly the CS! Crew pushes them away and opens the door. The yell
and start running towards the bus stop.

Theatre Guy: (on cell phone) Police?!
Yeah Drag Queens escaped the Golden
Cactus! There heading for the bus stop I think.

Olorin: These are terrible running shoes!
Conan: Hey I ditched my high heels at the door.
slinger: The cowgirl boots suck!
Agent_87: We’re almost at the bus
stop!
Moe: Hey there’s Jibbbs and Supes!!

JBond: I went to a McDonald’s in
Dallas yesterday. It was odd.
Superman: What was odd?
JBond: Well you know how I usually order... wait, that man looks like pixi! And
that Catholic girl looks like Olorin! Wait is
that slinger?!!
Con-Air:(from far away) Don’t look
back! They’re after us!! Don’t let the bus go!
Superman: Running from the law again are we? Better put on my disguise.(quickly spins and stops. now looks like Lois Lane) There we go.
JBond: Why Lois again?
Superman: ‘Cause if they mess with
Lois they know Superman or eventually Batman will come and kick there ass.
JBond: Well whatever. I guess if everyone else is doing it.

JBond pulls a cord and his suit inflates. The
rest reach the bus stop before the bus pulls
up. They try to catch thier breath.

JBond: I don’t want to even ask.
Kyle: I thought the two of us would
never make it.
Superman: Aren’t you Conan
O’Brien?
Conan: Possibly. I don’t know who
am really any more. Does anyone have bus
fare?
Superman: We ain’t hopping on and
asking for a transfer. (gets knuckles ready)
Conan: We’re not?
JBond: Sadly no. (gets fingers ready)

The low floor bus pulls up. There are about
six seniors and one bus driver. In the back
is Doc Browhn.

<small>[ 01-30-2002, 08:21 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[Kyle Katarn]

This is pure fanfic Gold! :D

[slinger]

The door is opened and the sound of sirens is heard in the back. JBond waddles inside. Grabs the bus driver and tries to pull the bus driver out. Of course he’s wearing a seat belt.The bus driver punches sucker punches JBond.

Bus Driver: What the hell are you doing?!
Superman: GET OFF THE BUS!! I saw a pile of unopened Viagara over there!

The old people get off the bus. Doc Browhn is puzzled.

Doc Browhn: What’s the meaning of this? Is that you JBond?
JBond: (winded) Doc you can stay. Its this guy that must leave.
Bus Driver: If you wanna rumble I’m ready! (unbuckles seat belt) I’m going to kick... Woooo, your ass!

The Bus Driver punches JBond, but since its a inflated fat suit it has no effect. JBond grins. The Bus Driver pulls out a metal pipe and smashes it on JBond’s head. Superman grabs the Bus Driver and throws him out the door.

Superman: Later, gramps. Okay JBond your driving.
JBond: (checking forehead) I guess I’m good.
Olorin: Alright hit the gas!

Here’s a rough drawing of where eveyone is. JBond is driving, while Olorin and Conan are at the front holding on to the bars. Thebtskink and Agent_87 are sitting while Con-Air and Moe
are by the back door. Pixi and slinger are sitting at the bench seat parrallel to the back door. On the upper part Link, Doc and Kyle & Laura are sitting in seats while Superman is on the back bench seat.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: fixed;">
JB
Olorin
Conan

thebts A_87


pixi Con
slinger Moe

Link
Doc Kyle/Laura

Supes </pre><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JBond presses on the gas pedal as blood drips down his face. The old Bus Driver is shaking his
fist. JBond drives past an intersection and crashes into a police squad car. Another police squad car crashes into the one that hit the bus. JBond stops.

Agent_87: DRIVE! DRIVE!

JBond slowly backs up and then starts again. Two police cars from behind put on the breaks and actually turns all the way around in the process of stopping. The cops from the two wrecked ones get into the remaing ones. Three go into the backwards one and one with the regular one. They start chasing.

JBond: Ah, hell the pigs are after us.
Agent_87: Increase speed captain!
thebtskink: I canny do it, sir! &lt;laughs&gt;
Moe: Hey Cons, lets piss them off.

Moe presses the yellow strip that opens the back door. Con-Air and Moe then start taunting
them with ethnic slurs and jokes about cops and pretending to be chased and also eating
doughnuts. Superman sees this so he uses his laser from eyes power and cuts out the back of
the bus. It falls onto the street creating sparks the cops avoid. Superman does his Dennis Franz impression.

Laura: Your friend Superman has no trouble showing his butt.
Kyle: What? I can’t see.
Doc: Does anyone else not get this Juicy Fruit ad?
Moe: Cops can’t get us! Cops can’t get us!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: fixed;"> bus
|--|
| | (one drving backwards)
|__| [] backseat lead car: cop, cop, cop
frontseat:cop,cop
[]
(driving regular frontseat:cop,cop backseat: cop </pre><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ 02-01-2002, 05:26 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

The cops in the backseat start firing at the bus. Moe and Con-Air jump down to the floor. The back car also starts firing at Superman. He dives down, with his pants around his ankles.

Superman: AH! They’re firing.
Link: But it won’t kill you. They’re regular bullets.
Superman: They could be kryptonite bullets. Remember I was bidding on that big chunk
of it on eBay, so that way I could destroy it, but someone else out bid me because JBond and
Olorin went to Taco Bell and I was out of money and we never found the winning bidder? It could’ve be Houston’s Finest bidding.
Link: Good point.

slinger: We got to do something!
pixi: Wait, blow on your hands!

Slinger does this. Some of the dust comes of and materializes into a pitchfork.

slinger: Sucess!

Slinger runs up to back and then heads to the empty seat infront of Kyle and Laura.

slinger: I just open this window and wham! Throw it at them.

Slinger slides the window open but the entire window falls out of the bus. Slinger falls forward. The pitchfork is dragging against the street. The cops start firing at slinger. He screams, as pixi grabs slinger’s shoulder’s and pulls him in.

slinger: Ow! Those are strong hands!
pixi: I can’t help it! And you’re welcome.
slinger: This time it will work!

Slinger leans out of the bus holding the pitchfork. The cops, who have blasted the back window of their car see this.

slinger: On my signal... unleash hell!

He throws the pitchfork at the car, the driver sees this and swerves away into a parked
zamboni. The car ricochets off the zamboni and onto a pyramid of paint cans on the street. A
huge explosion occurs. The other cop car sees this and continues. Everyone in the bus celebrates.

Con-Air: You got rid of them! I’d kiss you if I didn’t know that pony tail was really just
because of the black arts.
pixi: It’s not the black arts. Fairies are good.
Moe: ...In bed. (laughs, high fives Con-Air)
pixi: We still have one more car.

The squad car speeds up and is now close to the front by Olorin, Conan and JBond. Conan, being very tall is having trouble standing still is bounching back and forth trying to hold on. The cop in the back seat starts firing at the windows. Conan comes up with an idea.

Conan: Wait. I could just throw my fake breats at them. I was sucked at shotput but this is closer.

Conan takes a fake breast and throws it through a window, making a perfect circle hole, and is
lodged into the hood of the car. He throws one again and dents the roof. Conan sees that his
boobs have grown back. He continues to throw them onto the side of the car. The driver’s side is pretty much wrecked and the car is slowing down because of the weight of the fake breats.

Driver: (to cop in passenger seat) Get out there! We’re slowing down!
Cop #1: Crap. I’m going to get killed.
Cop #2: I’ll cover you.

[Moe Szyslak]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>
pixi: It’s not the black arts. Fairies are good.
Moe: ...In bed. (laughs, high fives Con-Air)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I could actually picture this happening...that is really sad.

[Link]

Thanks slinger, this is the second fanfic I've had a big part in.

[slinger]

Cop # 1 slides out the window and onto the roof of the car. He reaches down to the hood,
barely lifts it and tosses it to the side. It smashes on the concrete and breaks. He does this
again, while Cop # 2 fires towards Conan.

Conan: They’re crafty.
Olorin: Wait until I say to.

Cop # 2 runs out of bullets. He throws his gun at Agent_87. He dodges it but it hits thebtskink.
He falls to the floor. He looks at his legs.

thebtskink: Oh geez my legs are shaved.
slinger: Crap! Mine too.

Cop # 1 picks up the last breast. He’s on his knees on the roof holding up his hands hold a
breast in each one.

Cop #1: I got them all! What are you going to do now?

Conan furiously launches one at the cop’s face, knocking him off the car and onto the road. Cop # 2 has a new gun. Link blows on his hands and a meter stick appears. Breaks it over his
knee and presses the yellow strip. The door opens and he throws the two pointed sticks at Cop #2. They lodge into his shoulders. He screams in pain. He looks at how much they went into his body. He pulls them out and lets them drop to the floor.

Cop #2: That was a close one.

He turns and then is hit with a barage of apples, batons and bags of peanuts. Agent_87 blows
on his hands and a blaster appears. He leans out the window and fires. One blast destroys the
headlight while the other rips the front tire open. JBond makes a sharp turn to the left while
the cop car screeches on. Forty feet away a feul tanker is driving head on to the car. The driver
doesn’t notice it at first.

Feul Tanker Driver: (angry) Here I am, the greatest Robert Patrick look-a-like in the
world and I’m driving a thing full of flamable... what the hell?!!

The fuel tanker driver turns the truck with the fuel tank parrallel to the car. The tanker turns
on its side as the squad car crashes into it causing a mamoth explosion. The bus has already
crashed into a building. Everyone climbs out and hears the explsion.

Superman: I’m impressed with us on this outing. Everyone okay?
Kyle: Where are we?
Laura: Looks like the Nron Building.
JBond: That’s the Enron Building.
Laura: I couldn’t see the ‘E’.
JBond: Wait. I know someone that can help us.
Moe: At the Enron Building?
JBond: No. I don’t trust anyone there. Across the street. Opposite Guy.

Some people exit the Enron Building carrying big clear bags of shredded paper. They are suprised to see the bus and that the CS! Crew.

Enron Employee #1: We didn't see anything if you did.
Link: Agreed.
Enron Employee #2:&lt;whispering to the rest&gt; Cheney says we can dump these in that Mississippi swamp where the Florida votes are.
Moe: I wonder what they were shredding?
JBond: Probably old humourous memos.

[slinger]

The Bennigton Building Lobby

The CS! Crew is waiting in the luxury hotel like lobby for Opposite Guy. The elevator climbs up from the basement and Mr.Felding and Non-Opposite Guy exits. Non-Opposite Guy is only wearing sweatpants and tennis shoes. They approach them.

JBond: O-P-P! Its been too long.
Non-Opposite Guy: Hate to burst your bubble guys... or ladies... but I'm no longer Opposite Guy.
Olorin: No longer Opposite Guy?
Non-Opposite Guy: Yeah I was just relieved of my duties, since I kinda went to far.
Mr.Felding: It was real sick.
pixi: Hey we're almost the same sight.
Mr.Felding: And we almost have the same eye brows.

This angers pixi. She snaps and lunges towards Mr.Felding and starts choking him. Mr.Felding looks down at the strong man hands around his neck.

Non-Opposite Guy: Is she going to be long?
Moe: I don't think she'll break tradition.
Non-Opposite Guy: Look you guys look like freaks. What do you want?
Con-Air: Could you give us a ride home?
Non-Opposite Guy: No. I came here on a bike. And as you can see, low on clothes. You want to make her stop. She's going to kill my boss.
Moe: PIXI!
pixi: What?
Moe: Stop it now. Or ...you'll be banned from P&H when it re-opens.

Pixi lets go of Mr.Felding. He spits up blood and coughs.

Mr.Felding: &lt;panting&gt;...Non-Opposite Guy.... get these freaks outta here.
Agent_87: Why don't we just phone Madness and let him come pick us up.
Link: Isn't he in jail?
slinger: Yeah but I think Mirko bribed the police again.
thebtskink: Yeah well mrTECH did, since Mirko is finishing off the final touches for the Grand Opening of the CS! Restuarant tomorrow.
Conan: Hey I'll see you guys there!
Non-Opposite Guy: Are you Conan O'Brein's older sister?

Conan pretends not to here the question and turns around. Non-Opposite Guy ties the string on his grey pants.

Kyle: We could get Dooms to swing by.
JBond: What's his number?
Kyle: He should be at the Mueseum.

[Link]

Yet again another piece of genius comedy. Keep posting!

[slinger]

Downtown Houston

Doomsday is driving down the downtown streets of Houston in one of the those luggage cars you see at the airport. There is luggage in some of the carts. Beemanbone and ryanblair2 are in the also with Dooms.

Doomsday: Better toss off the luggage. We need all the room we can get.
beemanbone: Can this thing go any faster?
ryanblair2: Well goodbye! (throws
suitcase in intersection)
Doomsday: No it can’t. Madness and Frizzo went joy riding with some midgets last week and it hasn’t been the same. This isn’t it’s normal smell either.
ryanblair2: I see.
beemanbone: Whoa! Did you see
that one spring open on that Dodge Durango?
ryanblair: Here comes a convertible!
Doomsday: HEY! Save some for me.
Why don’t one of you take the wheel?
beemanbone: No way! This is fun!
(car crash is heard)
Doomsday: Well you guys can walk home.
ryanblair2: &lt;sarcastically&gt; Ohhh! The big bad Doomsday is threatening me. Where oh where is Superman?
Doomsday: There he is.

Doomsday pulls up to the building. Superman and Con-Air are waiting outside.

Superman: Nice wheels.
Doomsday: Hey chicks dig these kinda vechiles. I mosey down to the airport, steal it and then wait outside for some single ladies to occupy me until I meet the lucious Natalie Portman and then we will be married in New Zealand and thier will be doves and only the finest...
Superman: DOOMSDAY!
Doomsday: &lt;snaps out of it&gt; Sorry. Anyway I wait for the ladies who ‘lost their luggage’ and I use the ol’Dooms charm, that will win Natalie over when I finally meet her.
Con-Air: You know she’ll be at the opening tomorrow.

Doomsday’s pants and mouth while Superman’s mouth drops. Beemanbone and ryanblair2 didn’t here this since they are trying on clothes from Japanese tourists.

Doomsday: You’re not f**king with
me are you?!!
Con-Air: No. Mirko showed me the guest list since me and Godzilla won’t see our forum created.... this year. Quite a list. Golden Globe worthy.
Doomsday: I don’t care about the other parasites, all I care is Nat will be there.
Con-Air: Oh and Kirsten will also attend.

Doomsday becomes angry and Superman’s pants and mouth drop open. Beemanbone and ryanblair2 walk up dressed in Dutch sterotype attire.

Superman: Alllllllllright. Who else will attend.
Con-Air: Conan O’Brien, who’s inside
in drag, Jerry Seinfeld, Christopher Walken,
Robert De Niro, Gary Sinise, The Rock....
Shatner and that’s all I can remember. Oh the Hannibal Lector guy.
beemanbone: The one from ‘Manhunter’?
Con-Air: No. Hopkins, fool.
ryanblair2: Is that Godzilla in the CS! Blimp?
Doomsday: Why do you think its Godzilla?

The CS! Blimp seen high in the sky has the
‘Evolution’ movie poster painted on the blimp with the words ‘IS GREAT’ painted at the bottom. Godzilla slides open the window and pulls out a megaphone.

Godzilla: DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR, GO BUY ‘EVOLUTION’ WHEN IT IS RELEASED ON DVD AND VIDEO NEXT WEEK! DECEMBER 26TH! ‘EVOLUTION’ STARRING DAVID....

[slinger]

Lobby

Luckily the dust has worn off. The group prepares to go outside and head back to the CS! Building.

Doomsday: Damn! I missed it. Anyone get a picture?
Link: I got most of the cops chasing us and then them exploding.
beemanbone: No your ugly appearence.
Conan: Yeah I want that tape. I don't want it showing up on Access Hollywood or in a tabloid.
Link: No problem. &lt;whispering to Moe and Kyle&gt; You all heard him, he didn't say internet.

They are now outside. Police have cornered off the intersection down the street. The CS! Crew! climbs into the luggage cart.

JBond: Godzilla better take good care of that blimp.
Olorin: (holding up clothes) The Japanese are small. Maybe I'll give this to Frizzo and he can give it to one of his midgets. Sort of an olive branch.
Doomsday: Alright, buckle up everybody.
thebtskink: Wait! Where's Doc?
Doc: (behind Kyle and slinger) I'm back here.
Superman: So Doc we better see you at the gala tomorrow.
Doc: Sure. I'll be there in two weeks.
pixi: Is he crazy?
Doc: No, I have a time machine. I plan on using it. I'm going to spend Boxing Day 1988, 1991, 1993, 1999, 2000, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010...
ryanblair2: We get the point. You'll be time traveling for two weeks.
slinger: Boxing Day? What are you Canadain?
Doc: I'm one/sixteenth.
Doomsday: Okay ready? (presses button)
Soothing Female Voice: OnStar, how can I help you Doomsday?
JBond: Wow. Impressive. How did you get OnStar installed in this thing.
Doomsday: Not really installed. Tape recording. Later Opps. Friend of Opps.
Mr.Felding: Yeah, just never drive near here again.
Non-Opposite Guy: I'm I still invited to that gala, since I rejected your invitation when I was Opposite Guy.
JBond: (now moving) Sure. We'll just take Jessica Alba off the list.

A suitcase hits JBond in the back of the head. Mr.Felding and Non-Opposite Guy who were waving, stop and feel sorry for JBond.

JBond: I was joking!
Con-Air: Never joke about Mrs.Con-Air.

[slinger]

The Zoo

Frizzo of course went off to the local zoo with some midgets. They are now playing hide-and-seek. Frizzo runs into the Monkey House, panting.

Frizzo: I can hide hear for some time. (pulls out cell phone) Call mrTECH. Hey mrTECH, its Frizzo any news on The Matrix? No? Are you sure? Could you check again? Positive? Okay. Yeah. Out of milk again? And some Chex too? Alright. You owe me. No I'm playing some hide and oh hello.
Rogue: Um, hello.
Frizzo:Its what's her name from SMH! You know started that thing with the and she's you know... yeah. What stench? Mine or hers? OH! The monkeys! Yes revolting. Okay I have to go. Ninety-seven minutes left. Later. 1% milk! Bye.
Rogue: Your wife?
Frizzo: Hehehe. No. It was mrTECH. Say don't you have like a guy always around you?
Rogue: Don't you have midgets always around you? My guy is at the restaurant buying ice cream.
Frizzo: Why are you guys staying in the Monkey House? It smells. Oh clothespeg on your nose makes sense now.
Rogue: Glad it does. No just privacy.
Frizzo: Well you won't notice me I'll be a lot quieter than these mo...!!! OH! GEEZ! There making love! Right here! Beautiful love! Do you see the hairy animals do it?
Rogue: Ehhh.....
Frizzo: That small guy over there is making love to himself if you know what I mean. Look at the one next to him!! HEY! Midget #2! Christ! I'm sorry. He really should be put down.
Rogue: I'm leaving.

Frizzo pulls out a hammer and takes a few whacks at the window. The self-pleasuring monkey and midget walk up to the window and start yelling at Frizzo.

Frizzo: Don't talk in that tone young man. Sorry. I know your 38 but, hey I'm not giving your spot away. Your in here and crap!

Midget #1 sees Frizzo. He of course is the midget that is looking for everyone. Frizzo whacks on the window with the hammer trying to get away from the midget. He drops the hammer and runs away. Midget #1 runs to the window and points to Midget #2.

Friday Morning, Mirko's Apartment

Donald Sutherland's Voice: The following takes place between 8:15 A.M. and 8:19 A.M. on the day of the CS! Restuarant Celebrity Grand Opening Gala.

Mirko sitting at his table eating Cocoa Puffs. He's reading his newspaper. He shakes his head when he reads about a mysterious group of people hijack a bus and crashing it. He turns to the article about his restaurant opening tonight. His telephone has been ringing while this has been going on, he lets the machine get it.

Mirko's Recorded Voice: This is 784-555-3481. Leave a message. And if you're calling about being a moderator please you are wasting time. It ain't happening. Happy Holidays.*BEEP*
Godzilla's Voice: ...Oh. Well Merry Christmas. &lt;whispering&gt; Cheap bastard. When the hell are those fat idiots going to... ****! Didn't hang u.[click]

Mirko continues readaing he glances over and reads about midgets and monkeys running rampant during a field trip. His phone rings again.

Mirko's Recorded Voice: This is 784-555-3481. Leave a message. And if you're calling about being a moderator please you are wasting time. It ain't happening. Happy Holidays.*BEEP*
JBond's Voice: Morning squire. I know your eating your puffs of some variety so I won't ask you to pick it up, like its some important call or anything that needs to be answered right away.
Mirko: What is it?
JBond's Voice: Well there's the whole Jessica Alba Replicant that we have to talk to Con-Air about. Madness did make bail but something happened on the way out so more bail is needed. Plus mrTECH is all for the storage of Carrot Top, but not in his office and the food has been stolen for tonight's shindig.
Mirko: What do you mean it was stolen?
JBond's Voice: All the indgredients are gone. All the beverages are gone. The meat in the freezer gone. Vegetables gone. We were cleaned out.
Mirko: Shouldn't the cops have phoned?
JBond's Voice: Oh yeah there probably trying to phone you. There down here. Anyway what are we going to do about the food? Its too late.
Mirko: Um, alright call in the boys. If people are going to steal our food, we're going to steal our food. Oh scartch that. mrTECH's cousin works at the Safeway. We'll get a discount. The rest we'll get with connections.
JBond's Voice: Another note, they only thing in one of those fridges was a pair of dice. Left as snake eyes.
Mirko: Interesting. Hold on another call. Hello?
Godzilla's Voice: This is a recording. Evolution will be found on DVD and VHS......

<small>[ 02-27-2002, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[Link]

The telephone bit was great!

[slinger]

The CS! Restaurant

The restuarant which is on the block just southeast of the CS! Building. The red carpet and media places are being set up. Security is seen around the place. Upstairs Mirko is preparing to meet the soon to be arriving guests at a expensive IKEA-type table along with mrTECH, Olorin, JBond and bbf2 as well as thebtskink.

Donald Sutherland's Voice: The following takes place between 4:14 P.M. and 4:17 P.M. on the day of the CS! Restuarant Celebrity Grand Opening Gala.

Mirko: Okay the guest should be arrivng at 4:30. Albert Brooks and Clint Eastwood should be first to arrive, followed by Charlton Heston and Nicole Kidman.
JBond: Are any of the Bonds making an appearence?
mrTECH: Sean Connery cancelled last second. Pierce is a no. Roger Moore will be here.
Olorin: What about Tim and George?
mrTECH: We don't consider them 007s.
JBond: Hey! You....
mrTECH: &lt;quickly&gt; Natalie will be here.
JBond: ... have redeemed yourself. So you guys get all the food?
bbf2: I hope everyone likes tofu.
Mirko: The whole menu isn't tofu is it?
bbf2: Is tofu light, considered tofu?
thebstkink: I thought all the celebrities liked that tofu stuff?
Mirko: Not the old ones.
JBond: Alright this is getting boring can I go down to the tables and find a spot?
mrTECH: Here's the print off of the assigned seats?

Bbf2, thebtskink, Olorin and JBond jump towards mrTECH and try to grab the sheet. Thebstkink opens a can of worms and everyone scatters. He sits on the table and reads the list.

thebtskink: Anthony Hopkins?! That guy is a weirdo!
JBond: Lemme see that! (grabs paper) &lt;shocked&gt; If you excuse me I have to go oustside and get interviewed by Pat O'Brien.
Olorin: Hey maybe Mary Hart will be here! She's what I call a...
bbf2: Please don't finish that sentence.
thebtskink: I hope Mr.Hopkins enjoys worms.
Olorin: Oh Frizzo and the midgets took care of the lettuce so I'm telling you to avoid anything with lettuce.
JBond: And I coaxed Moe to work the bar for free as long as Stephanie Furst buys a drink.
Mirko: Who the hell is Stephanie Furst?
JBond: (reading a napkin) Apparently she was in 'Hook', she played one of the mermaids and she was also a former girlfriend in 'Jerry Maguire'.
Mirko: And how the hell is she getting here?
Olorin: My mom is friends with Stephanie's uncle's ex-wife. Anyway I got in touch eventually and she should arrive in here at around 10. Now mind you she thinks she's audtioning for a role...

The CS! Restaurant - Jerry Seinfeld &
Natalie Portman’s Table

The guests have arrived and now are making the process of sitting down. There was a incident involving Pat O'Brien, JBond, slinger, Cuba Gooding Jr., Randy Newman, Madness, Bob Gohen and Joan Rivers. Luckily everyone sustained minor injuries except Joan who along with her daughter were carried and chased into the streets by some CS! members in humiluating fashion. Jerry Seinfeld and the much desired Natalie Portman sit down to the round table clothed table they’ve been assigned too. Immediatly as they sit down, Doomsday and r0bix plant themesleves in the remaining seats.

Jerry Seinfeld: I think my wife is supposed to sit there.
r0bix: She’s over at Bobby De Niro’s table. Hello Nat how are you?
Doomsday: This is my wet dream...
no just dream come true. You can call me D-Day. Dooms. Doomsday. Modday. Anyting you desire, my sweet elf.
Natalie Portman: Elf? Who the hell are you?
r0bix: I’m in Executive Vice President of CS! Merchandise and moderator of the Star Wars forum. Which of course you star in.
Doomsday: I’m Vice President of the
CS! Movie Museum and moderator of 'Spider-Man' which stars that whore Kirsten Dunst.

<small>[ 03-02-2002, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[Link]

Keep going!

[slinger]

Natalie Portman: Okay you guys work here. I thought you were some weirdos that just snuck in. And Kirsten isn’t a whore. She’s a fine actress.
r0bix: Nat, you don’t have to lie. We’re all mature people here.
Waiter: Are you ready to order?
Jerry Seinfeld: I assume you all have the greatest meal in the world. Cereal. I’ll have some... Chex. Yeah and fill it 3/4 with 2% milk.
Natalie Portman: Say do you have any Lucky Charms?
r0bix: YES! YES! (runs to get it)
Natalie Portman: I love Lucky Charms. And I love the cute leprechaun on the box.
Doomsday: Damn! I’m not her type.(pulls out tape recorder, presses record)Note to self: practice Irish accent, get an all green wardrobe, read Harry Potter books to learn magic and starting hanging around little children... yeah that should do it.
Jerry Seinfeld: So, Nat what’s the deal with you going to college? You have lots of money, sucess, beauty, people who will do...
r0bix: Here’s your Lucky Charms!!!!! I didn’t know how you liked it so I grabbed a box, and small cartons of chocolate milk, skim, 1%, 2% and homo.
Doomsday: Which we think everyone is who doesn’t find you the most beautiful creature ever!
Natalie Portman: Uh, thanks. Hey there’s no bowl?
r0bix: I know. I thought you’d eat the cereal off me. See I lie down suck in my gut, you can pour the milk and cereal and I can feed it to you, my treasure.
Doomsday: I will wipe an excess milk or cereal bits off you, darling.
Natalie Portman: You guys are freaking me out. I’m afarid if I get up you’ll fight over the material on this chair.
Doomsday: NOO! I’m above that. I’d keep the spoon, and maybe the cereal box.
r0bix: I’d keep the milk carton. I wouldn’t even wash it.
Jerry Seinfeld Yeah but wouldn’t the
rotted milk bother you? I mean after a few weeks that stuff is going to curdle. It would stink up your entire house. You’d have to keep it locked in a safe. And if you were to ever to open, the stench would’ve have intensified and once you opened...
r0bix: &lt;interupting&gt; I’d have a window installed with video cameras. And the stench wouldn’t be sour since fair Natalie had touched it.
Natalie Portman: Yeah I think I need some air, you two stay here and make sure NO one touches my purse.

Natalie slowly gets up but brings her chair with her. She left a small light violet purse on the table. R0bix and Doomsday eye each other. The waiter brings Jerry’s bowl of Chex.

Jerry Seinfeld: Ah finally. I was starting to think it was like that Chinese restaurant. &lt;chuckles&gt;
r0bix: (dazed) Huh? ..Un huh yeah I hate the Chinese.
Doomsday: (dazed) Nat. ..Nat.. Nat... Natal ... ppppp.... &lt;whispers&gt; her purse.
Jerry Seinfeld: Thumbs up! ...You
realize this is a test. She said no one touches
her purse. That includes you.
r0bix: &lt;quickly&gt; Alright give me some spoons and a knife. We won’t touch it physically but we will with these shiny thin things.
Jerry Seinfeld: Oh yeah, I like this idea.
thebtskink (heard from far away)
Where’s Kramer?!

<small>[ 03-03-2002, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[Link]

I could just imagine what rOb and Dooms would do if someone tried grabbing Nat's purse...

[slinger]

Kirsten Dunst and The Rock’s Table

Kirsten Dunst and The Rock sit down at their assigned table.

Kirsten Dunst: Huh. I wonder who paired us together?
The Rock: Let me just say, Kirsten... that The Rock thinks you...

Superman runs from behind The Rock and bashes his head with a marble statuette of Natalie Portman. Kirsten screams. The Rock falls unconscious onto the table. Nobody even looks at this except for Kyle who shoots Coke out of his nose.

Superman: &lt;sarcastically&gt; Awn I broke Dooms’ favourite thing.
Kirsten Dunst: What the hell is your problem?!
slinger: Oh that was just an act that these ignorant people didn’t seem to pay attention
too. YOU’RE ALL JACKASSES! THAT’S RIGHT. I’M LOOKING AT YOU DE NIRO! Jesus, don’t these
people watch wrestling?! The Rock has a big pay-per view in a month and his state of health
should concern &lt;very dull&gt; all of the millions ...and millions of The Rock’s fans.
Superman: Yeah that’s all baby. By the way I’m Superman. BIG FAN.
slinger: Me too. We’re just important enough around here to actually sit next to you.
Superman: You... man you are so sexy in that outfit. I wonder how sexy you would be out of it?
Kirsten Dunst: Is that supposed to be some pick up line to get me in bed?
Superman: It doesn’t have to be a bed. Washroom stall, table, desk, wheel barrow, couch, that wall, back seat of my car.
slinger: I’m moderator of ‘Austin Powers in Goldmember’.
Kirsten Dunst: Really? I love those movies. Say wanna go to your office?
slinger: I’m sorry can you repeat that, I was in awe of you beautiful smile.
Kirsten Dunst: I said do you wanna ditch these two?
slinger: Sure.

The two get up and proceed to the exit. Frustrated with the propect that slinger might get
some with Dunst, Superman picks up the remains of the marble statue and holds it as if it was a baseball. He throws the marble chunk at the two. It sails over the two and dings William Shatner in the head. Shatner falls back and farts. Slinger and Kirsten turn around to see who
threw it.

slinger: (while slowly turning) Man he has a lousy aim.

Slinger’s eyes become wide as the sees The Rock’s body come flying at him. The Rock knocks slinger down. Superman dances in joy on top of the table. Kyle quickly grabs Link from the bar.

Superman: The first one was just for you to turn around! Now Kirsten will have to have sex with me!

[JBond]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>slinger: I’m moderator of ‘Austin Powers in Goldmember’.
Kirsten Dunst: Really? I love those movies. Say wanna go to your office?
slinger: I’m sorry can you repeat that, I was in awe of you beautiful smile.
Kirsten Dunst: I said do you wanna ditch these two?
slinger: Sure.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your story, your rules. :cool:

[Moe Szyslak]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>Doomsday: I’m Vice President of the CS! Movie Museum and moderator of 'Spider-Man' which stars that whore Kirsten Dunst.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, give credit where it's due. I'm the mod of Spider-Man....Dooms is covering Indy 4.

[slinger]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Moe Szyslak:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>Doomsday: I’m Vice President of the CS! Movie Museum and moderator of 'Spider-Man' which stars that whore Kirsten Dunst.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, give credit where it's due. I'm the mod of Spider-Man....Dooms is covering Indy 4.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wake up. This is back in December before Christmas!

[slinger]

Kirsten Dunst: Sex?! NO! We weren’t going to have sex!
slinger: &lt;in pain&gt; We weren’t?
Kirsten Dunst: We were going to watch DVDs up in his office.
Superman: Oh. I apologise. Atleast I hit Shatner. Enjoy your evening Mrs.Dunst-Superman. Sorry I’m just used on hyphenating your name with mine. Love the hair. &lt;whispers&gt; Man I love x-ray vision.
slinger: Oh my back.

Link has pulled out his video camera and together with Kyle and Frizzo they run over to The Rock's
body. Kyle then pins The Rock. Link video tapes Kyle pinning him, while Frizzo counts.

Frizzo: ONE! TWO! THREE! Ding, ding, ding!!
Kyle: (standing up)Today I am a God. Woooo!

r0bix: Say where’s silent_speech? Shouldn’t he have tried to touch Natalie by now?
Doomsday: Oh I locked him in the washroom.
Jerry Seinfeld: That seems about right.
r0bix: Wouldn’t it be funny if he was locked in the washroom the whole night with some
******* celebrity?
Doomsday: Well Shatner is over there, Leno and Arnold weren’t invited.
r0bix: I here Leno is a bad tipper. How about you Jerry? What do you tip?
Jerry Seinfeld: Well I tell you what, this is the best cereal I’ve had all month. That
deserves twenty dollars.
Doomsday: Eeh. I’d pay twenty-five if I had your money. Remember we’re splitting the
tablecloth. Silent wasn’t here so he gets screwed.

Men’s Washroom

Silent_speech is banging on the doors, desperately. A toilet flush is heard.

silent_speech: &lt;begging&gt; Pleasseee..... pllllleassee.... don’t do this... No.... she’s right there..... uggughu.
Charlie Sheen: Cheer up. I’m sure you’ll meet someone else tonight. Now excuse me.
silent_speech: The door is locked from the other side.
Charlie Sheen: Well how is that possible? It can’t.
silent_speech: Yeah well you were nominated for a Golden Globe so anything can
happen.
Charlie Sheen: Hey! Let’s not start out on a bad foot. We could be stuck here the whole
night. Don’t get on my bad side. (another toilet is flushed)
silent_speech: It could be hours before we get out of here. What are we going to do?
Charlie Sheen: We make the best of it. (pulls out a flask and takes a sip)
silent_speech: I thought you cleaned up you act?
Charlie Sheen: Oh that. Don’t tell my dad.
Martin Sheen: Don’t tell me what?
Charlie Sheen: &lt;suprised&gt; That I.... wassss thinking of making an appearence on your
show! ‘The West Wing’! as um, a Canadain politician cabinet guy. You know big Toronto, high
flying, bilingual, hockey pucking guy. That gets involved with a scandal with an local... intern.
Yes. Local. Intern. Very sexy. Intern. My character is from Canada.
Martin Sheen: Who’s flask is that?
Charlie Sheen: Oh that’s this guy’s. He just asked me if he got a good deal on it. And um, he did.
Martin Sheen: Is this true?
silent_speech: &lt;bewildered&gt; Mr.Sheen, what Mr.Sheen said is true.
Martin Sheen: How dare you tease my son like that! I don’t think I like you. C’mon son lets get out of here.
Charlie Sheen: Well see there’s a problem. The door is locked.
Martin Sheen: Alright find a spot boys. And I’ll tell you 50 reasons why I hate George W.
Bush.

Superman walks over to the bar. Natalie crosses his path. She picks up her chair.

Natalie Portman: Stay away! I will use this.
Superman: Calm down. &lt;whispers&gt; God I wish I had a hypnotizing power.
Christopher Walken: Say friend... that wasn’t a nice thing... you did there to your friend.
Al Pacino: OH! This is crap! You call this scotch on the rocks?!

<small>[ 03-05-2002, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[Link]

I'm the cameraman... :)

[Kyle Katarn]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>Link has pulled out his video camera and together with Kyle and Frizzo they run over to The Rock's
body. Kyle then pins The Rock. Link video tapes Kyle pinning him, while Frizzo counts.

Frizzo: ONE! TWO! THREE! Ding, ding, ding!!
Kyle: (standing up)Today I am a God. Woooo!
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're gonna make me hurt my graft from laughing so hard! :D

[slinger]

Superman: I just threw WWF’s The Rock at someone I know thinking that they would have sex with Kirsten Dunst, Natalie Portman just threatened me with a chair, Chris Walken told me what I did was wrong and Al Pacino just complained about the scotch that I splooged
in right before I went over to see Kirsten, without him knowing. Nah... this isn’t even close to my most unbelievable day. Hey Sinise! C’mon over here, this stool is free!
Gary Sinise: Um, thanks. Say just how the hell did you do that? Back there.
Superman: This is really a trade secret. (motions for him to come close) &lt;yells in his ear&gt; I SOLD MY SOUL TO SATAN!
Gary Sinise: You’d fit right in Hollywood.
beemanbone: Speaking of wood. I want my nine bucks I paid to see ‘Mission to Mars’ or
your head will be hitting some wood in three seconds.
Superman: (with drink in hand) Yeah that movie blew. Atleast ‘Red Planet’ had Carrie-Anne Moss shows some skin.
Gary Sinise: This is a joke right? A prank?
beemanbone: One. Two. (nods to Superman)
Gary Sinise: Where’s Clooney?
beemanbone: Three.

Superman and beemanbone put their hands around the back of Sinise’s neck and head and proceed to bash Sinise’s head onto the bar ledge. Sinise sits up a little dazed.

Superman: Sold you soul too?
Gary Sinise: Naw, three wishes from a flying talking fish. Wish one was to have a great
sex drive. (Superman nods in approval) Wish two was to be able to withstand a nuclear blast. So that makes me really strong. Wish three was to have successful movies. Now I should’ve said all or for the rest of my life. That has a loop hole.
beemanbone: Yeah ya idiot.
Gary Sinise: Well go see ‘Imposter’.
Superman: If I remember to think about it.

Moe: So Mr.Walken do you think you could do a little dancing later tonight?
Christopher Walken: Hey... watch your mouth there... pal! Chris Walken only dances....
when he wants to dance.
Al Pacino: AAAHHHH! These peanuts suck!!
Moe: Mr.Pacino would you like to meet my girlfriend?
Al Pacino: UUUUUHHHH!
Moe: What?!
Al Pacino: Your so damn ugly.
Robert De Niro: Al, I hear you screaming again. Is there something a matter? Are you bothering him? Huh?

<small>[ 03-06-2002, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[Rogue]

That's hilarious!! :D

[beemanbone]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>Superman and beemanbone put their hands around the back of Sinise’s neck and head and proceed to bash Sinise’s head onto the bar ledge.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL! Supes is such a bad influence.

<small>[ 03-06-2002, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: beemanbone ]</small>

[slinger]

Moe: Um, no. I no. I don’t think so.
Robert De Niro: Yes you are. Yes you are.
Moe: No.
Robert De Niro: A little bit? Little bit?
Moe: Well... yeah. A little bit.
Robert De Niro: Hey you like making fun of me?
Moe: I wasn’t making fun of you.
Robert De Niro: I think you were. Wasn’t he Al?
Al Pacino: OHH YEAH!
Moe: Listen you can have a free drink.
Robert De Niro: You will address me as Mr.De Niro. Got it?
Moe: Mr.De Niro, what was making that crappy film ‘The Adventures of Rocky and
Bullwinkle’ like?
Robert De Niro: Can you believe this kid? (gets ready to punch)
Moe: Whoa. Are you going to punch me?
Robert De Niro: Yeah that’s right.
Moe: PIXI!

Pixi turns around from across the room. Link gets set to record this.

pixi: Oh my love toy is about to get punched by Bobby De Niro!
Richard Gere: Yeah well my son’s name is Homer.

Robert De Niro does that thing with tounge you know sticking it out over your upper lip, leans
over and connects his right fist onto Moe’s face. The impact sends Moe back and onto the floor. De Niro shakes his wrist.

Robert De Niro: That’s how its done.
Christopher Walken: Hey Bobby! Why... don’t you just kill the bastard?
Robert De Niro: C’mon Al lets get outta here.
Al Pacino: AHHHHHYYYY!! Kay.

The two big celebrities walk away. Pixi runs over excited and leans over the bar ledge.

pixi: Honey are you alright?
Moe: Uh. I just got punched by DE NIRO!! HEY! Who wants to touch my cheek? Anyone? $5! $7.50 for two touches.
Kyle: I’d be stupid not to touch it! Here’s $10!
Moe: I don’t have any change.
Kyle: That’s alright.

Kyle hops over and pulls out a $10 bill. He gets his hands ready. Moe closes his eyes and sort
of leans over. Kyle smirks and nods agreement with the other bar partons.

Moe: Easiet $10 I ever made. (zipper be undone is heard)
Kyle: We gotta post this on Best Caption.
Moe: Was that pants being unzipped I heard?

Over at the Kevin Spacey/Conan O’Brien table which also has Con-Air and woomaster seated,
there conversation is interupted by Moe screaming in disgust and laughter erupting from the bar.

Kevin Spacey: Is that Walken laughing over there?
Conan O’Brien: I believe you are correct. I just love your Christopher Walken
impression. Can we hear some tonight?
Kevin Spacey: &lt;Chris Walken voice&gt; Well... you know the thing about... the impression is... so many people can do it.
Con-Air: Why am I stuck with three guys. I should be over with the ladies.
woomaster: How come there is such crap on televison today?
Kevin Spacey: &lt;Chris Walken voice&gt; Well I blame... Conan O’Brien. He was a writer.. on SNL and ... The Simpsons. Plus he has... his show.
Conan O’Brien: &lt;laughing&gt; That’s great! Woo, too funny. Kevin Spacey everybody! Stay
tuned Mark Maron is coming up next.
Con-Air: &lt;puzzled&gt; That’s it I’m heading to the ladies’ can.
woomaster: Yeah Spacey your last film needed to be flushed down the can!

Moe: Okay, okay. This time I’m keeping my eyes open. He Ty Ross! Wanna touch my wound?
Ty Ross: Who did that?
Moe: Bobby.
Ty Ross: Oooo! If I touch that I only need to touch someone who was punched by Alec Baldwin and I’m done my Celebrity/Civillian Injury List!

[thebtskink]

Heheheheh... let's sell the photo on E-bay!

[slinger]

pixi: Hey there’s Nilade! With N*Sync?!
Nilade: Hey what’s going on? Have you met my new friends N*Sync? They’re telling me
all about their cameo in ‘Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones’.
Kyle: They have a cameo?!
Nilade: And now I have a cameo in their next video. Bye.
beemanbone: That was brief.
Moe: Hey! Back on topic. Me getting punched by De Niro.
Natalie Portman: Why is it so violent here?
Moe: I think its the drinking water.
pixi: I thought it tasted funny.
beemanbone: That’s why I stick to bottled water.
Superman: Well then how do you explain...
Mirko: Hello everybody.
Moe: HEY! You brought Jessica Alba!
Mirko: Oh no. I just couldn’t help myself from holding her. She actually wants to talk
you guys about the replicant that you made of her. I have to go kiss some celebrity ass.

Mirko turns and sees The Rock, William Shatner, Kim Catrall carried away on strechers. Some men are dragging the giagantic John Tesh as if he was a giant block intened to placed on a
pyramid. Mirko jogs up to The Rock.

Mirko: Uh let me just say that...
The Rock: The Ro...&lt;coughs blood&gt; The Roc... &lt;coughs more blood&gt;

The Rock gives Mirko the finger but is not able to put it down. He blankly stares at the ceiling.
Kim Catrall is then moved next to Mikro.

Mirko: Let me just say that I’m extremely sorry for what happened.
Kim Catrall: &lt;satisfied&gt; Don’t be. I must have had sex seven times already, each time
being better than the rest. It was one of your employees. We never exchanged names. The sad
thing is I’ve lost all control over my body pretty much. Oh well. Do you have a cigar?
Mirko: Get her out of here! Who could have possibly done that?
William Shatner: &lt;quietly&gt; Damn you. Damn you all to hell.
Mirko: Mr.Shatner, please it was a mere accident.
William Shatner: &lt;quietly&gt; That was no accident. I almost.... died! I’ve come to a
alarming decision. I’m retiring to New Zealand and will never leave my house.

Sits up grabs a waitress, pulls her down towards him and kisses her on the lips. He lets her fall
to the floor and he knods.

William Shatner: Paramedic Zulu, set a course for New Zealand.
Paramedic Zulu: Ah, right away sir.
Paramedic Coffell: HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO!
Mirko: Does Mr.Tesh have to be carried away in a net?
Paramedic Zulu: We tried beaming him up, but he was too big. Ah ahahah. I should leave.
Paramedic Coffell: If you have a better idea I’d like to see it.
Mirko: It’s just that its drawing a big crowd.
pixi: What’s going on here? Huh! John Tesh! I love his music!
Doomsday: (pulls out tape recoreder) Note to self, starting hanging around Mary Hart
then ditch her, get a pescription for growth pills, take piano lessons and get a part time job at Rochester Big & Tall so you’ll get discounts on the giant clothing.
John Tesh: Actually I found this other place, Chamlers Big & Tall. Eight outlet chain in
the Pacific Northwest.
r0bix: IT SPEAKS! I mean, better get back to guarding Nat’s purse! HEY! BBF2 GET AWAY FROM THERE!! (takes off his shoe and flings it at bbf2)
Paramedic Coffell: Break time! Time out!

[slinger]

Mirko: TIME OUT?! NO! Get these people to rehab and/or a hospital.
Paramedic Coffell: Listen, I’m an American so unless you’re George W. Bush’s 19th
cousin I ain’t walking.
George W Bush’s 18th cousin: What happens if his 18th cousin is in attendance?
Paramedic Coffell: Damn! 18 out ranks 19! Okay just give us five minutes! We already
were here with all the media.
John Tesh: You know I could probably rip this thing and then drive myself to the nearest
hospital.
George W Bush’s 18th cousin: Just what do you drive anyway? Do you live up in the
clouds. &lt;laughs&gt;
John Tesh:Hey, you’re making me angry.
George W Bush’s 18th cousin: Oh really. Well let me just say that Bob Gohen is a much
better entertainment news anchor!
John Tesh: Alright stop it! You’ll regret it!
George W Bush’s 18th cousin: I’ll do you one better. That Steve Kameknto-guy from E!
is even better than you!
John Tesh: (body turns yellow) OH NO!!! AHHHH!!!!!

John Tesh rips through the netting and has a similar transformation ala The Incredible Hulk,
except Tesh is yellow. Everyone runs away except Ty Ross, Mirko and George W Bush’s 18th
cousin. Tesh grabs cousin’s neck and picks him up.

John Tesh: TESH SMASH! OUTSIDE!

Tesh walks away holding cousin as he kicks and tries to get free from his grip. Ty Ross is using
all the film in his disposable camera. Mirko pulls out some asprin.

Bus Driver: Excuse me, are you the owner of this restuarant?
Mirko: Who’s asking?
Bus Driver: ME! The Bus... Woooo Driver! From earlier today. I tracked down those lunitics who hijacked my beautiful bus and destroyed it. Now I want to take my anger out on
them! Wooooo!
JBond: Well well. Look who decieded to show up. You know I have a score to settle with
you. (JBond touches the bandage on his head)
Bus Driver: So do I!
JBond: Well I should have no trouble taking you on.
Olorin: (taping on JBond’s shoulder) Ah me and Wood were looking for some bingo dabbers in your closet and well somehow all your Spice Girls merchandise in your closet fell out. So Wood took the dabbers and dabbed their heads and other various body parts.
JBond: How red is my face?
Bus Driver: Not as red as its going to be when I’m done with you! Wooo!

The Bus Driver pokes JBond in the eye with his thumb. Then takes a small container of oil and
opens it all over JBond. Mirko goes after the Bus Driver. The Bus Driver shakes a wrench loose
from his right sleeve and flings it at Mirko’s left hand. Mirko falls to the ground as he tends to his sore joint. Olorin panics then kicks the Bus Driver but the Bus Driver grabs hold of his foot and holds it. Olorin then flips and tries to kick the Bus Driver with his other foot but the Bus Driver ducks. He lets go of Olorin, turns and grabs a plate of brownies. He turns with a ****y
smile and then pauses. He turns around, because he could hear kryptonian boy on the table ready to jump on him from behind, and decks kryptonian boy with the plate. Kryptonian boy falls back on the other pastries on the table. The Bus Driver then turns around again only to be speared by Danzig! Danzig stands up and spits on the crumpled Bus Driver.

Danzig: Never saw it coming. (notices oil on his shirt) Ah crap!
kryptonian boy: This better be dessert I’m laying in.
Mirko: Will this night never end.
Kyle Katarn: (eating cake) What are you talking about? I hope this night never ends.
I’ve had a great time. Oh mrTECH says you have to go greet those contest winners from New York.
Mirko: How do I look?
Kyle Katarn: Like you could use a drink.
Mirko: How we doing for alcohol?
Kyle Katarn: Well its a good thing we’re serving Canadian beer and not telling people its
from Canada. Hey! Who’s topless over there?!
Mirko: This is a PR nightmare. I guess that’s them.

Mirko walks over to the side and shakes hands with the three contest winners, who all happened to be from the same city and happen to know each other. Eddie Dodson, Julia Richina Dreyfus and William Semicore (he entered the contest as Oliver Lang) are a little nervous as they shake his hand.
Eddie: Nothing bad is going to happen to us is it?
Julia: Since everything you touch seems to get hurt.
William: But we’re from New York, so we might have... (starts choking)
Mirko: (looks at his hand) Hoy boy.

[slinger]

Anthony Hopskins/George Clooney Table

Anthony Hopkins is still reading the menu while George Clooney is playing with the forks. Thebtskink and Wood are seated across from them. No one is talking.

Wood: &lt;whispers&gt; How should we break the ice?
thebtskink: &lt;whipsers&gt; Jah I don't know.
George Clooney: You know my pet pig would have a ball with all the choas thats going on here.
Wood: Do you guys want to play bingo?
Anthony Hopkins: Do you think I want to play bingo?
Wood: Strip bingo?
thebtskink: There isn't even any women sitting back here and George Clooney is sitting here!
Wood: You would think they would swarm this table! What could be repelling them?
thebtskink: Beats me. Hey check out my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles socks!
Wood: Doesn't hold a candle to my Transformer socks.
thebtskink: (stands up and pulls boxers up) Yeah but do you have a Professor Frink boxer shorts which say 'Good Glavin!' on the butt?
Wood: No. I have 'DragonBall Z' boxer briefs!
Anthony Hopskins: Do they have poison on the menu? &lt;Hannibal voice&gt; Maybe I'll have one of your livers.... &lt;slither thing&gt;
thebtskink: (turns with worms in his mouth) Maybe you might try some of my delicious earthworms!
Anthony Hopkins: I've had enough! (gets up and walks away)
George Clooney: I'm going to the bar.
thebtksink: HA! See they couldn't stand that I was wearing Earthworm Jim suspenders!
Wood: Wuh?! I want those!

<small>[ 03-30-2002, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

Mirko's Upstairs Office

Mirko is wiping some frosty off his suit but it isn't coming off real good. JBond and Olorin are playing Pong in the corner.

Mirko: Well tonight has been a complete diaster. I don't know how much damage has been done and I don't have enough money for all the lawsuits and lawyers.
JBond: Why don't you just ask Doc Browhn to use his time machine so you can well fix things.
Olorin: Yeah why don't you do that! Crap! You win again!
Mirko: I've tried that thirteen times already!! You wouldn't believe what went on. I think in one of times I went to fix things James Caan died in my arms! He had a midgets shoe stuffed in his mouth! Then Winona Ryder made off with the ice sculpture of Bruce Willis from 'Die Hard'.
JBond: That was quite big, how did she get that thing down and carry it away?
Mirko: Oh some short guy with short hair helped her out.
JBond: Did he have a beard on?
Mirko: No. ...Come to think about it he was wearing some real fancy shoes!
JBond: That couldn't have...
Mirko: It has to be! He's been here the whole night and he's down there right now! ...Somewhere.
Olorin: I thought Tom Cruise was banned from Houston?
Mirko: Well I got some comedy for tonight and one of the entertainers was a Tom Cruise/Tom Hanks/Tom Arnold/George Carlin impersonator! He must've gotten in that way!
Olorin: So explain to me again why Tom Cruise wants your head?
Mirko: The best that I can come up with is he takes control of my media sites and then will get Scientologists into the White House. Him and Travolta then would pull the strings.
Olorin: You forgot that Dark Horizons is funding them.
JBond: I've got a feeling somebody else is involved.

By the Bar

Moe is cleaning a glass. He notices a Toblerone bar in the corner.

Moe: Hey I think I saw that gaint candy bar move.
Ben Affleck: The bartenders drink here too? Only in Texas.

[slinger]

Mirko's Voice Over Interom: Uh how do you work this thing JBond? Its on? Oh okay. Attention all surviving guests and employees, you all must leave now. You're all in great danger.
Moe: Greater than a drunken Frizzo.
Frizzo: &lt;drunken voice&gt; Why didn't someone tell um me this wuz a cheese grater? Now pour me a some salsa in a cod peice.
Ben Affleck: I thought I had problems.

Over at the pile of giant candy bars an small explosion occurs! A cloud of dust begins to cover the area as if it were fog. Five figures emerge fromt the cloud wearing gas masks. The celebrity crowd is shocked to see that two of the people are Tom Cruise and John Travolta. The other is the old Dark Horizons Associate. The two other slimy looking characters are unkown to the crowd. Except for Superman.

Superman: Holy, New York Film Academy!! Its Snake EyesJK and viper3_16!!
Snake EyesJK: Oh its that Superman jackass.
viper3_16: What?! Did you say kick Superman's ass?
pixi: Who are these people?
Jerry Seinfled: Hey, don't steal my material!
Superman: (rolls up sleves) Those two low lifes were the first banned from CS! Weren't the friendly bunch on the discussion on if Cruise's eye candy crapfest 'Mission:Impossible II' would be rated R.
Tom Cruise: (smiling) Maybe the film would've be much better if it was.
Ty Ross: (who is now back to normal) No one asked you. And nobody but us CS! Members can ruin our party! Not some big Hollywood names, some old dude and two former members out for revenge!
viper3_16: Time to open a can of whoop ass!

Viper3_16 charges for Ty Ross. Moe passes Ty a cooler full of beer and he bashed the cooler on viper3_16's head. He falls to the floor and stares at the ceiling. Pixi sprinkles on some Blinding Dust on viper3_16' eyes. Viper3_16 starts screaming he can't see. Cruise and Travolta fire some gun shots in the ceiling, all the other celebrities start to scatter. Sean 'Puffy' Combs comes out of the coat check room hears gun and drops the floor grabs some guns of his and starts firing at the two celebrities. Snake EyesJK takes a handfull of dice and chucks them at the people at the bar. They are scorching hot and burn holes throught there clothing and gives them a nasty burn. Soon a fire is started what with all the spilt alcohol and burning garmets. The Dark Horizons Associate heads upstairs. Cruise and Travolta return fire to Combs. Kyle heads to the fire alarm and pulls it. He then moves two feet over, smashes the case that was storing his lightsabre. He turns it on but it has trouble staying on.

Kyle Katarn: Damn Peruvian lightsabres! Never work fully the fourth time!
pixi: It looks like I have a cigar burn in my wings.
Moe: Don't worry my dear I'll stop him!

Moe grabs a sledgehammer that just so happened to be leaning next to the wall. The fire now has consumed the entire left side of the restaurant. Moe runs into the blaze towards Snake EyesJK screaming. Snake EyesJK walks out of the blaze.

Snake EyesJK: So you're the resident Jedi around here now eh?

Kyle's lightsabre flickers and then goes out. Snake EyesJK grins as he lobs some dice with razor spikes on each side. They stop in mid-air and stay there.

Nilade: (with lightsabre in hand) There's more than one Jedi here.

Upstairs - slinger's office

Kirsten and slinger just finished watching 'Best in Show'. Kirsten looks out the window and sees celebrities fleeing and a big crowd gathering in the intersection.

Kirsten Dunst: I think something is wrong! I think there might be a fire.
slinger: Well then oh wait. I sound proofed this office with the latest in sound proofing technology. The space shuttle could takeoff in the next room and it would sound like an ant eating some crumbs.

Just then the sprinkler system come on and soaks everything in the room. Slinger and Kirsten run to the door but its locked! Slinger's cell phone rings he presses talk and puts it on speaker phone.

slinger: What the hell is going on?!!
thebtskink's Voice Heard From The Phone: Didn't you hear that computer voice annoucing that there will be a lock down on floors two through seven?

Kirsten glares at slinger.

slinger: Must've been a glitch in the new untested system. Can you get this water turned off?
thebtskink: (now running to the smokey lobby) Sure I'll just take my Spider-Man velcro sneakers and bash them against all the pipes I see. My guess is you're stuck in your office which is now a valut. I told you bullet proof glass was a bad idea. Yes, you were right about nude sunbathing but I'm not the one who's about to die with Kirsten Dunst at my side. Damn!

Thebtskink stops and runs towards the blaze. Conan O'Brien stops him.

Conan O'Brien: NO! The world needs disgusting laughter!
thebtskink: But there are a bunch of available models/actresses in there that need to die with a male companion by there side.
Conan O'Brien: Your right lets both go.

Conan and thebtksink hold hands as they run into the blaze.

(00005)Snake EyesJK: 05/26/00
(00027)viper3_16: 05/29/00

[Kyle Katarn]

This is great! <img src="http://www.theunholytrinity.org/cracks_smileys/otn/laughing/yelrotflmao.gif" alt="" />

[Link]

You,Tyross,Jbond, and Beemanbone seem to keep amazing me with each post of your fanfics. Keep it up slinger!

[thebtskink]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>
Anthony Hopskins: Do they have poison on the menu? &lt;Hannibal voice&gt; Maybe I'll have one of your livers.... &lt;slither thing&gt;
thebtskink: (turns with worms in his mouth) Maybe you might try some of my delicious earthworms!
Anthony Hopkins: I've had enough! (gets up and walks away)
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">&lt;twiddle's fingers, burns style.&gt; Ex-cellent!

[thebtskink]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by slinger:
<strong>

slinger: Must've been a glitch in the new untested system. Can you get this water turned off?
thebtskink: (now running to the smokey lobby) Sure I'll just take my Spider-Man velcro sneakers and bash them against all the pipes I see. My guess is you're stuck in your office which is now a valut. I told you bullet proof glass was a bad idea. Yes, you were right about nude sunbathing but I'm not the one who's about to die with Kirsten Dunst at my side. Damn!

Thebtskink stops and runs towards the blaze. Conan O'Brien stops him.

Conan O'Brien: NO! The world needs disgusting laughter!
thebtskink: But there are a bunch of available models/actresses in there that need to die with a male companion by there side.
Conan O'Brien: Your right lets both go.

Conan and thebtksink hold hands as they run into the blaze.

(00005)Snake EyesJK: 05/26/00
(00027)viper3_16: 05/29/00</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">&lt;slaps forehead, Homer Simpson style&gt; D'oh!

[slinger]

Roof Of CS! Restuarant

JBond, Olorin and Mirko rush on top of the roof from the door. Smoke exits the entrance aswell. The three pant and take a breather.

Olorin: Now what do we do? We're on top of a burning building?
JBond: There should be nets for us to fall in, from the firefighters.
Dark Horizons Associate: The only thing you'll be in are body bags.

The three are suprised. DHA shoots JBond and Olorin with two rubber bullets. The bullets then drop to the roof and release and pink mist. They soon fall asleep.

Dark Horizons Associate: Now its just you and me.
Mirko: What do you want?! You've ruined my business venture!
Dark Horizons Associate: What do I want? Revenge. All of us do. On you. You banned those pathetic pieces of crap from your site. That drove them mad. They created a new website devoted to the destruction of everything you created.
Mirko: Cruise and Travolta?
Dark Horizons Associate: Actually two things. One they see this as a way to get control of the country and increase the number of Scientologists and two research for a upcoming role.
Mirko: So why you?
Dark Horizons Associate: Because you never accepted one of my news tid bits about 'X-Men'!
Mirko: Who were you?
Dark Horizons Associate: I went under the name Valiant88. I sent you info for months abot films only posting three. But I had to co-share the info with some other yahoo who also had pretty much the same thing! So after taking rejection after rejection knowing I could never could become a popular corespondant and took shelter at Dark Horizons. But it was a bright horizon in my life. I soon became a regular. Then I saw how successful you had become and I knew I had to destroy you. So you can see you don't mess with old pissed off people who like their Jeopardy! late-afternoon and their Price is Right late morning.
Mirko: If memory serves me correct most of that stuff was bull****. And the stuff you sent in others had already sent in!
Dark Horizons Associate: NO! I won't listen to your lies!

The Basement Kitchen

Beemanbone, Godzilla, pixi, Doomsday, r0bix, Natalie Portman and Christopher Walken make their way into the safe basement kitchen that's strangley resembles the one from 'Jurassic Park'. R0bix and Dooms are of course right by Natalie.

beemanbone: According to these blue prints we can follow the piping on the ceiling to safety.
Doomsday: Natalie if you get scared you can hold me.
Natalie: You're scaring me, but I don't want to hold you.
pixi: I sure hope Moe made it out alright.
Christopher: He should... be alright... if he got out in.. time.
r0bix: Who's by the freezer?

A figure in a tracksuit emerges with a can of beer in his hand. He has stuffed some food in his suit.

Non-Opposite Guy: Oh hey! Don't mind me I'm almost done.
pixi: What are you doing with all the food?
Non-Opposite Guy: The food is free right? (bites a roll) My income is very small. Since I lost my job its back to my old routine. Going to the blood bank on even numbered days and the sperm bank on odd numbered days. You make quite the fare buck doing that.
Doomsday: Aren't you supposed to wait a few days when giving blood and sperm.
Non-Opposite Guy: Yeah but I never tell them. I just go to different banks. Back to my plan. I take the bus to the suburbs and steal plenty of free samples in the mail, Costco, ever hear of Costco? Well I managed to snag a membership from my brother years back. All I do is eat free samples, read the books and magazines. Buy nothing. I think I spend four dollars their every year. Then I sell my body hair for wigs. Pubic hair wigs are quite popular.
Godzilla Yeah I know! I bought five of them last year for me... Mena Suvari. Yes. That actress. Not me.
beemanbone: Quick the exit is past the baby lamb in the freezer.

Slinger's Office

The cold water has quickly filled slinger's office and is now more like a tank. DVDs are floating around. Slinger is trying to move all his high priced stuff on his top shelf. Kirsten Dunst is gathering all the DVDs.

Kirsten: You know this seems pretty pointless. We're eventually going to die.
slinger: Yeah I know. Say I'm in sort of a bind I don't want to die a virgin so could you...
Kirsten: Call for a hooker? &lt;laughs&gt;
slinger: &lt;fake laughs&gt; Atleast I'll die with a smile on my face.
Kirsten: Are you sure you can't do anything?
slinger: Unless this bulletproof glass is destroyed there is nothing I can do.
Kirsten: Why the glass?
slinger: You're going to find this funny. But the reason I'm call myself slinger and say not webslinger *coughs* is I can actually sling across buildings.
Kirsten: How?!
slinger: I have no idead how, but if I get enough phlem in my throat I can spit that out for a great distance. Sort of like webbing in that film you were in.
Kirsten: Do you think it could work here?
slinger: Yeah if this damned glass wasn't here.

Slinger bangs on the glass screaming. Bbf2 sees this from outside where fire trucks and television crews have gathered.

bbf2: Poor bastard. Hopefully Kirsten survives the deadly inferno. Ooo! A Froot Loop! (picks it up and eats it)

Kirsten: I could break the glass.
slinger: How?
Kirsten: I'm a female actress. Cover your ears 'cause I'm about to scream.

Slinger slowly walks away from the window and plugs his ears with a SNL mouse pad and a Big Extra wrapper. Kirsten's scream shatters the glass and anything else glass in slinger's office, most notably his awards for Moderator of the Month: July and August 2001. The water pours out as slinger holds on to the shelf and Kirsten holds on to slinger's leg. They get up and survey the outside. Slinger starts coughing.

slinger: How much do you weigh?
Kirsten: About 115.
slinger: I'll take that with a grain of salt.

Slinger does some hardcore hacking he finally flings flings his head sending enough mucus across the street. The mucus on the other end is secure. Kirsten grabs the cordlike mucus and gets a tight grip. Slinger gets close and holds on to her ass. This suprises her.

slinger: (speaking with phelm cord coming out mouth) Hut ever yuu do, don't lhet go.

Slinger and Kirsten jumps off the window. Kirsten and slinger scream as the crowd looks on. The mucus cord starts to get thin as it leaves slinger's mouth. It finally snaps. Slinger falls and lands on a TV News van. He turns to his side and starts coughing. Kirsten swings into a open window safely.

<small>[ 05-04-2002, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

Inside the Blaze

Nilade, Kyle and Snake EyesJK are surrounded by fire. Nilade, using the power of the Force a small part of the restaurant has been untouched by the fire. This is where they duel.

Nilade: Say Kyle should we let our friend here have a lightsabre so its kind of a challenge?
Kyle: (banging on lightsabre) If you have a spare one for me.
Nilade: Oh sure. I've got about nine. What do you want? Vader-Red? Maul-Double Red? Mace Windu-Purple? Obi-Wan-Blue?
Kyle: I'll try the grape one.
Snake EyesJK: I'll have the Maul one.
Nilade: (tosses sabres) This is for the Commonwealth of Austrailia! I mean the sleazy CS! Posters!

The three begin a lightsabre fight.

Rooftop

Mirko and the Dark Horizon Associate's shoes are now sticking to the roof. Mirko has done the old distract the villian by bringing up his problems routine. It is now very smokey.

Dark Horizons Associate: If I was just like you and had gotten on the internet and deciede to focus on upcoming movies that die hard fans and nerds would pick a part forever, instead of focusing on bored house wife porn.
Mirko: Could we finish this at the Starbucks, 'cause I don't think this side of the building is very strong?
Dark Horizons Associate: The only thing doen is you! Mr.Mirko!
Mirko: Yeah you've said that a dozen times now.
Dark Horizons Associate: I HAVE NOT!

DHA takes a swipe at Mirko, and easily misses.

Mikro: Please lets maket this more exciting.
Dark Horizons Associate: Fine.

The DHA pulls up his pants. Taped to his leg is a iron rod. DHA untapes it and then dives for Mirko's legs. He hits Mirko's right leg causing Mirko to fall. DHA then hits Mirko on his left kneecap. Mirko screams in pain. DHA then shuffles over to the left. He stands on a part of the roof that is begginning to slope downwards.

Dark Horizons Associate: Goodbye Mr.Mirko, you have very little time.

The Dark Horizons Associate sinks into the roof and into the inferno with a calm face. Mirko is in agony as he pulls himself with his arms away.

Mirko: Must be a way *coughs* to get *coughs* off here and not *cough* killing myself.
JBond: Did you forget about us?
Mirko: What the hell?
Olorin: I was watching a special on 'Dateline' on bullets and their knockout gas. Their is one brand that only lasts a few minutes. Side effects include increased facial hair. So that explains why we are awake. Do I look older.
Mirko: Just help me!
JBond: Wait! Superman stored one of his gliders in that asbestos shed over there! Say where is he?!

Superman lands behind them.

Superman: I had to take a long crap. Thos pickled eggs, went right through me. So I'll take you three chaps to safety.

Superman puts Olorin and JBond on his back and carries Mirko as he flies over Houston. The crowd sees this.

Paramedic Coffell: So is Superman gay or bisexual?
bbf2: I have photos that prove that...

<small>[ 05-07-2002, 08:02 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[Link]

Another good part...

[slinger]

Inferno

The lightsabre fight has gone on for about seven minutes now, with Kyle and Nilade dominating even though Snake EyesJK has a double-lightsabre. Snake EyesJK is also becoming tired with huge sweat marks on his fancy suit.

Snake EyesJK: Right, deal. Rock-Paper-Shark.
Kyle: I've never heard of that.
Snake EyesJK: Same deal, different name.
Nilade: Okay. I'm not wearing my dueling gloves so this is a great alternative. Plus we have the better odds.
Snake EyesJK: We'll see. Ready?
All Three: One, two, three!
Kyle:Paper!
Nilade:Shark?
Snake EyesJK: Shark! Shark eats paper.
Nilade & JK: One, two, three!
Nilade: Rock!
Snake EyesJK: Shark! HA! Shark swallows rock but craps it out!
Kyle: That game was fixed!
Nilade: He's from Vegas what do you expect?
Kyle: Maybe some spoilers from upcoming episodes of 'C.S.I.'.
Snake EyesJK: I actually appear in atleast five of them, as an extra.
Kyle: Really?
Snake EyesJK: Yeah if you want to get some coffee I can tell you about it.
Kyle: Interesting, you were just trying to kill me.
Snake EyesJK: Oh force of habit. I just enjoy telling the story. Almost more than killing people.
Kyle: NOW!

Nilade takes his lightsabre and stabs it through Snake EyesJK's heart. The sabre goes exits his back with the heart being cooked on the end of it. Snake EyesJK just stands in disbelief.

Kyle: That's a first. Someone hearing their own heart being cooked.

Nilade pulls out the lightsabre and the Vegas lowlife falls to the ground. Nilade and Kyle nod and proceed to walk away, using the Force to move the fire.

Spider-Man Hype! Building Utility Closet #1

A large crashing noise comes from behind the door. Beemanbone swings the door open and a mop falls out. Doomsday, pixi, Non-Opposite Guy and Godzilla also exit the closet. The hallway the enter is dark, so pixi puts on some earings that light the room much better.

Doomsday: Well that was a very amusing way how we escaped the kitchen.
beemanbone: That was an odd way in leaving.
Non-Opposite Guy: Good thing I pushed those Mexican slaves out of the way or else we would be nowhere. How long has Mirko had those slaves?
Doomsday: Well he lists them as children on any legal government forms and I've been here for... so that would mean... carry the one... five years this Valentine's Day.
Godzilla: Didn't that remind you of Lord of the Rings?
beemanbone: You know it did. Great time.
pixi: After Moe getting punched by De Niro, that was the best part of the night. OH! Moe! He's still in the fire! I never saw him again! I hope he's alright.
Non-Opposite Guy: I'm sure he's fine.

Charred Remains of the Restaurant, Next Morning

Firefighter: Looks like we had a jumper. Moe S.
Mirko: Ouch. How did he die?
Firefighter: Well ignorant people will say the fall from a window onto these cardboard boxes filled with bricks would have killed him, but if you turn his crushed body over you see he was stabbed in the back with a... toothbrush.
pixi: DAMN YOU ORAL-B! DAMN YOU!!! YAAAAA! Okay I'm done mourning, my hair is a mess I haven't slept in 20 hours, I need booze.

<small>[ 05-24-2002, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

Nothing but the bottom structure remains, there is nothing but charred wood and ash left. There are firefighters, police officers, paramedics, reporters and camerapeople, plus the celebrities and all the CS Posters seeking aid and sharing tales of the night. Mirko is making his rounds checking on everyone in the early morning sun.

Two helicopeters land over two the side. Out exits President Bush with the Secret Service surrounding him. They make their way through the crowd where they meet Mirko and mrTECH. They shake hands.

President Bush: Mr.Mirko, Mr.TECH good to see you boys survived the night. Looks like you had one hell of a night. Now where are the boys that started this in the heart of Texas?

Two police officers pull a handcuffed Tom Cruise and John Travolta. They don't look happy.

Tom Cruise: Wait to my lawyer... President Bush! You have to get these men to let us go!
John Travolta: Yeah. I have a wife at home that needs sexing up.
Mirko: These men ruined my business! Don't let them go!
President Bush: Don't worry Mr.Mirko. These two men messed with Texas. Don't mess with Texas. We haven't tested Osama's punishement chamber yet so these two ***** will do the job.
Cruise: WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT YOU PUTZ!
Travolta: I'm so going to kill you.
President Bush: You're no longer American citizens, take them away.

Secret Service agents gag Cruise and Travolta and place burlap sacks over their heads and cart them off. President Bush moves on.

Firefighters help Charlie Sheen, Martin Sheen and silent_speech out of the ruins.

Mirko: Speech you're alive!
silent_speech: Don't call me silent_speech. Call me Killown.
mrTECH: Why?
Killown: Spend nine hours with Charlie and Martin Sheen then you'll know.
Charlie Sheen: Where's my publicist?
President Bush: Don't worry you three, that Austrailian Tom Cruise and Grease dude were taken care of.
Martin Sheen: Well if isn't the biggest ******* of them all! You know in a way this is all your fault.
President Bush: Get Sheen outta here.

Some agents grab Charlie Sheen and take him away.

Martin Sheen: HEY! You can't do that to my son! I pay taxes!
President Bush: I ment the older Sheen.

The agents start clubbing Martin Sheen.

JBond: Since when did they carry clubs?
President Bush: Do you want to get clubbed Wisconsin Boy?
JBond: No.

Two firefighters discover a makeshift shelter of broken chairs, pieces of sheet metal and a door. They chop the side away and discover Conan O'Brien and thebtskink holding each other. They awake and squint because of the sun.

Conan O'Brien: Oh thank goodness you found us!
thebtskink: You're not a hot supermodel.
Conan: Who did you think I was?
thebtskink: I had ash and smoke in my eyes I thought you were a tall Boston model with two heads.
Conan: Well its just one big head.
Firefighter #2: So are you guys going to get up and well stop holding hands?
thebtskink: Ah yeah.
Conan: I've slept in worse places. Hey look, by using the ash I have a beard. Hello I'm Sean Connery.

<small>[ 05-24-2002, 08:22 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

Frizzo is counting all his midgets with a clipboard. He walks by them and hits them on the head with it.

Frizzo: Only twenty-three whacks?! I'm missing one! Where did Small Red Splender go?
tyler_durden: Frizz he went home with a model.
Frizzo: The dastard! He was going to be part of my teen pop group Midgetwenty-four. My ticket out of this hell hole. Oh hi Mirko. Don't worry I'll go back to my office and wait for some phony Matrix news to crop up.
Mirko: I'm speechless.
Ty Ross: Tyler you may find this odd, but I heard a demo of Midgetwenty-four and it was quite good.
tyler_durden: I hope so, 'cause Frizzo told me that he's placing our faces in the music video. The lawsuit is shaping up.
Ty Ross: Hopefully it doesn't conflict with other court dates.
beemanbone: Well those are being the downsides of witnessing what goes on here.

Slinger is now on a strectcher and is being pushed towards an ambulance. Slinger has a neckbrace on.

slinger: Tell Mirko I'm taking my vacation now.
Kirsten Dunst: Wait! I didn't get to say thank you. You saved my life.

R0bix, Doomsday, Killown and Godzilla watch in disgust. Kirsten gives slinger a kiss on the cheek.

Kirsten Dunst: You know I'll never forget this night, this was really something.
slinger: So do you want to get together later in the future??
Kirsten Dunst: Actually no. In fact I have a Christmas celebration party to get ready for.

She turns abruptly and walks away, the onlookers start laughing. Slinger reverts back to his inpain face. The paramedics push slinger into the ambulance.

slinger: I want to party with you!

Kirsten turns around and smiles. She runs back and gives slinger an invitation.

Kirsten Dunst: I'm just messing with you. Here's the directions and other info. You can bring the Empire Biscuits. Have you heard of them?
slinger: I'll probably eat them before I get there.
Kirsten Dunst: Well try not too or I won't tell you some Spidey secrets.

Kirsten walks away waving. Slinger smiles and then turns to r0bix, Doomsday, Godzilla and Killown.

slinger: So did Portman invite you to her Hannukah party?
r0bix: NO! It was probably this fool's stence that drove her away!
Doomsday: My stence? What about your shabby clothes! These people make millions for appearing in subpar films and you show up in your Sunday morning begger clothes!
Killown: Maybe if you two twits didn't lock me in the bathroom with the Sheens I would've wooed her with my ways!
r0bix: We didn't lock the door.
Killown: Then who....did?
Godzilla: (smug look) Guilty as charged.

Killown and Godzilla start fighting while Doomsday and r0bix start fighting. Jerry Seinfeld and Kevin Spacey walk by.

Kevin Spacey: The devil exists in all of us.
Jerry Seinfeld: That's a shame.

<small>[ 05-24-2002, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

Conan and thebtskink make their way, away from the rubble with blankets over them. They are shocked to see rescuers help Tom Jones out with six models from some rubble.

Conan: Out of all the things that I've seen tonight, that is the one thing that will be branded onto my brain.
thebtskink: How does he get all those models?!
Tom Jones: I don't know what to tell you mate. Being rich helps.

Thebtskink looks at Conan.

Conan: Hey! I do have an actual girlfriend. And check the internet there are ladies who want me.
thebtskink: They claim to be ladies. Say Tom, care to entertain us with a song?
Tom Jones: Ummm... no. But Robert Goulet and Neil Diamond are over by that Lord of the Rings chap.

Olorin: Mr.Goulet, autograph?
Robert Goulet: Let me tell you something son, Bob Goulet doesn't give no signatures away for free. That will be 10 bigs ones there.
Olorin: What?!
Robert Goulet: 8 big ones my final offer.
Neil Diamond: You can have my autograph if I can use your cell phone, Miss.
Olorin: I'm not a woman! Not a girl!
Neil Diamond: Of course you are. Who sings that Britney Spears song? Her fans.
Olorin: Alright I'm going back to Kansas.
thebtskink: Olorin, split cab fare? Its going to be nuts getting out of here.
Olorin: I have seven dollars.
thebtskink: Well I'm sure Conan O'Brien's right shoe will fetch us a...
Conan O'Brien: Hey gimme that!
thebtskink: Run!

Superman and JBond walks up to JBond's Dodge Caravan that was parked across the street. It has been greatly damaged over the night. Someone has spray-painted 'Frizzo Rules' on the side of the van.

JBond: Looks like I'm getting a new van for Christmas.
Frizzo the Clown: Can I buy this one off you?
JBond: Sometime time this weekend you can pick it up at the CS! Junkyard. I'll tell Madness to give it to you.
Frizzo the Clown: Make sure to remove that gay bumpersticker on the back. Tootles!
Superman: So, Christmas at your place JB?
JBond: Yes but keep it quiet. I don't want it to turn into a mini-version of this.
Superman: Oh.
JBond: Who did you tell?

Once again, out of nowhere Doc Browhn's PT Crusier Time Machine appears. But this time its converted to hover so after a flash of light it slowly lands next to JBond's van. The door opens and Superman Ten Minutes Ago steps out. So does Michael J. Fox and Doc Browhn.

Superman Ten Minutes Ago: JBond! You have to come with us!
JBond: Come with me where?
Michael J. Fox: To Euro P&H Club six days from now!
JBond: Why? Does Superman do some ******* thing at my Christmas dinner?
Doc Browhn: Uh, yes. He goes off on his on drunken thing and somehow him and Fox end up dead! Their found dead! Well pieces off them. Pieces of them are found in some pizza.
Superman: The French were never good at making pizza. Bread and wine yes. Same with toast. But not pizza.
Michael J. Fox: There are more details and we'll explain to you later, but we need you for authorization codes.
JBond: Can't I get some sleep?
Doc Browhn: I guess we could get some sleep. We do have a time machine. In a way it isn't urgent. Great Scot! I could see my other self quickly lets fly!

<small>[ 06-04-2002, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[slinger]

They all rush into the time machine and shut the doors. The time machine rises and then proceeds to excelerate and then travel into the future with a blast of light. The crowd stares up and witnesses this.

George W. Bush: Cool.

beemanbone: They never invite me.

Kyle: They left before we could tell them about our incredible fight.
Nilade: Wasn't there another bad guy that hasn't been killed or caught?
Link: You know your right.
Christopher Walken: Jeez! Where did you... come from?
Link: I was talking to Dan Rather via satelite. You know this would make a great story. Perhaps a movie.
TyRoss: Look! Its Brain Grazer!

The group starts running towards the producer. He jumps in a firetruck and starts the truck. Kyle and TyRoss hop into a ambluence while Link and Nilade steal a police squad car and start pursuit.
Bbf2 sees this and takes a sip from his Slurpee outside a 7-Eleven.

bbf2: Its a Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world.

The door swings open hitting bbf2 and knocking him the street. Sean Connery, Charlton Heston and Jack Palance exit with Slurpees, magazines, hot rods, hot dogs and burgers.

Sean Connery: What a shame. It really was a grand place.
Charlton Heston: I bet guns will be blamed for this.
Jack Palance: I think they were.

<small>[ 06-05-2002, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: slinger ]</small>

[thebtskink]

Hehe... I stole Conan's shoe. :D

[slinger]

Charlton Heston slaps his neck.

Charlton Heston: When will people learn you can't blame everything on assualt rifles!
Sean Connery: Is it me or is this food ****?
Jack Palance: I've had better, I'll tell you that.
Sean Connery: Ack this is crap. Lets get some real food.

The senior citizens/actors toss their food on the sidewalk. Con-Air approaches Heston.

Con-Air: Can you sign this photo of you? To Con-Air.
Heston: Sure thing. (signs it, walks away)
Con-Air: 'Dear, Con-Air. (squints) Happy Couch.'?

Heston: So what the hell is open in this city?
Connery: I doubt this hicktown has a Scottish pub with some haggis.
Palance: I think they have that now at Wendy's.
Connery: Really?
Palance: I think so.
Heston: Then its settled. And we're sitting in non-smoking I don't care what you say Sean.
Connery: Well you two fruits can enjoy the fresh air. I'm bloody well smoking a cigar!
Heston: Well look our horses were untouched.

The three walk to a hitching post and loosen the reins of their horses. The three struggle to get up but somehow manage to get on.

Palance: Wager you five Tic-Tacs, me and Silver Geritol beat you two skeletons to Wendy's.
Connery: Your on! There's no way your future gluestick is going to beat Scotland the Brave!
Heston: Onward Implement of War! Hiya!

The horses start racing down the streets of Houston as the early morning sun rises and another day begins.

THE END

Don Pardo's Voice: And so concludes the Coming Soon! Posters versus The Scientologists Trilogy!

[Tardumb]

wow...I read it all and it was great! Funny stuff I tell ya! Bravo! *clap clap clap clap*

[bbf2]

Wow, I have the special distinction of having the second-to-last line of a CS poster! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

[Tardumb]

and getting slammed with a door!

[slinger]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by bbf2:
<strong>Wow, I have the special distinction of having the second-to-last line of a CS poster! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I forgot about Con-Air and Heston and his unreadible signatures had to be included.

[slinger]

With Xmas tomorrow and ROTK out in theatres, why not bump this thing back.