Chaos in Cherokee!!

[Kyle Katarn]

Well, I doubt that this will ever acheive the greatness of such classics as the Bar Room Brawl, but I thought I might try my hand at this...

Also, I would like to do this in memory of Mom. About a week before she went in for her surgery, we went to Cherokee (this gives me the opportunity to sprinkle in just a tad of fact!)...so without further ado:

<Harrah's Cherokee Casino, late night. Kyle Katarn, in midnight black and blue Jedi robes, approaches the doorman at the casino>

Kyle: Tech? Is that you?

Tech: Fraid so, man.

Kyle: What's the matter? Mirko not paying you enough?

Tech: He's supposed to pay me?!

Kyle: Uh, nevermind. I'm gonna go hit the slots.

Tech: Sorry, need to see your identification that says you are over 21.

Kyle: Uhhhhhh...<waves hand in front of Tech> You don't need to see my indentification...

Tech: Cut that out! You want in without ID, forget the mind tricks. The only thing that works on me is MONEY!

Kyle: The only thing, you say?

Tech: Yup.

<Kyle pulls out his lightsaber and ignites it, with the blade centimeters from Tech's "family jewels">

Tech: Hey, aren't you Jedi supposed to have a code against this thing?

Kyle: I'm not an official Jedi...i'm an OUTCAST! Bwaa-ha-ha!

Tech <staring at Kyle's clothes>: You LOOK like a Jedi!

Kyle: So they had good deals at that new Jedi Factory Outlet down the road! Hey, if I were a true Jedi, could I do...THIS??? <sends Tech flying into the air with a blast of Dark Force lightning. Tech lands, senseless, 50 feet across the parking lot>

Kyle <proceeds into the casino>: Ahhh, time to get away from the boards and relax alone with a bit of peaceful gambling....

<Walking inside, Kyle finds all the CS Posters in a wild party>

Kyle: <smacks forehead> D'OH!!!!

<Suddenly, a woman from Kyle's past appears - the mysterious CANDY SHOP GIRL! Kyle stares at her as memories flood back - his last visit with his mother...Going into the tiny candy shop with the dark-haired beauty behind the counter. And the ribbing Kyle got from his mother when they were back in the car ("Didn't you even notice? She was FLIRTING with you!"). The CSG approaches Kyle...>

CSG: Have we met?

Kyle: Oh, I've visited the shop where you work...so, how's the little one coming along?

CSG: He's growing like a weed! <shows pictures. Kyle gets the disturbing feeling that the child reminds him of someone....>

Kyle: His father must be very proud....

CSG: Bah! What father? If not for my family, I would have no help with my little darling! That's the last time I go to bed with a British export merchant with a small gun...

Kyle: .....I beg your pardon?

CSG: You know...a .32. I think it was a PPK. I mean, what would a guy working for Universal Exports be doing carrying a gun?!

<Kyle thinks to self: It MUST be JBond!! Good thing he ain't here right now...>

<Enter Jbond, oddly with a cane, and luckily out of Candy Shop Girl's field of vision...>

Kyle: Crap!

CSG: What?

Kyle: Oh...uh...<waves hand in front of her face>...you've had a long night. You ought to go home and rest.

CSG: .....I think I need to go home and rest...<exits>

Kyle: Whew! <walks over to where JBond has secluded himself in a corner, with the tip of his cane up to his mouth...> Hey Bond! What the shock are you doing?

JBond: Yaah!! <spits out a mouthfull of vodka> You scared me, dipwad! <Looks at cane> Stupid "Dry casino" rule....

Kyle: Yeah, Harrah's Cherokee is dry. Don't tell me you talked Q branch into making you that...

JBond: Nah, they already had it. Used for smuggling in nerve poisons or something...

Kyle: Whoa!! I hope you washed that thing out good!

JBond: Relax, I used concentrated Dawn - with antibacterial! Nothing dangerous could be left...<turns green>...ugghhh...pardon me...<runs off, dropping his cell phone>

Kyle <picks up phone>: Hey James! You dropped your...huh? <holds phone up to ear and shakes it...hears something splashing inside. Takes off the antenna and gets a whiff of the booze inside...> WHOA MAMA!

<Kyle puts the phone down and proceeds deeper into the casino>


Well, what do you think? Add on if you like...I think I left it pretty open. ;)

[ 10-23-2001: Message edited by: Kyle Katarn ]</p>

[Kyle Katarn]

Yoo-hoo - anyone? There has to be something to be said about it - comments, suggestions, come on!

[Malice]

Keep it up!

[Kyle Katarn]

Ok - just gotta get the creative juices flowing again... :D The first part came pretty easily, and I plan on having the casino demolished at the end - I just gotta fill in the middle. ;)

[Kyle Katarn]

&lt;Kyle goes to watch the Singing contest and finds Link and Navi doing a duet. That is, Link sings and Navi punctuates each line with "Hey!" "Listen!" The crowd is starting to get agitated, so a gong sounds and Link falls through a trapdoor. Then someone from security chases Navi off the stage with a fly swatter!&gt;

Kyle: Hey, it's Elisabeth! Hey, newbie, whazzup?!

Liz: Uh...the roof?

Kyle: Hey, I think i'd better go back and get Bond's phone...&lt;Kyle and Liz return and pick up JBond's cellphone&gt; There we go, it wouldn't do for someone irresponsible to get hold of a peice of technology like this......
........
........
Hey, Elisabeth, I wonder what this button does! &lt;Kyle hits "send" but nothing happens. Annoyed, he starts mashing the button repeatedly.&gt;

&lt;MI6 Headquarters, London. A BMW Z3 is doing donuts in the Q Branch labs, and shooting off a variety of missiles and high explosives. Q and R are hiding behind a desk&gt;

Q: R, you're fired!!

R: I didn't touch anything, I swear!!

&lt;Back in the casino, Elisabeth is trying the phone&gt;

Liz: Hmmmm...&lt;hits "menu"&gt; Well, that was a dud too...

&lt;Suddenly, there is a huge flash of light as a fireball rises from the gas station accross the street. Running to the window, Kyle and Liz see an Aston martin Vanquish with a missle tube extended from the side...with smoke coming from it...&gt;

Kyle: Oh man, Bond's gonna kill us! He just got his insurance rates down from the last few gas stations....

JBond: &lt;emerging from the bathroom&gt; What?

Kyle: Oh, nothing....I..I was just thinking about investing in war bonds...yeah!

Liz: Uh...here's your phone...

Kyle: Yeah...uh..I think that when you dropped it it might have hit some buttons.

JBond: Is that a fire across the street?

Kyle: &lt;takes Bond by the shoulder and leads him away from the window&gt; Oh it's nothing...let's go check out that singing contest, eh?

We interrupt this fanfic for...class :( TO BE CONTINUED!

[Kyle Katarn]

&lt;Kyle, Liz and JBond return to the karaoke contest. They noice Frizzo and a band of his midgets in line...&gt;

Announcer: And our next contestant...ROSEANNE!

Audience: NOOO! :eek:

Announcer: ...singing "What a Girl Wants!"

Audience: AIIEEEE!! :eek:

&lt;The "singing" starts, and the audience falls to their knees in agony! JBond draws his PPK, and Kyle tries to use the force to crush Roseannes's windpipe, but neither man can focus past the searing pain of the noise!&gt;

JBond: Elisabeth...please tell me that you have some kind of superpower....

Liz: ...friad' not....

Kyle: Good greif, woman - you could have at least registered as one of those "Sailor Moon" chicks or something....

JBond: You have a honking big purse! Look and see if there's anything in it to help us!

Liz: Well - &lt;starts digging in purse&gt; Let's see...Mtn Dew...Stuff to upload to my web page...HEY! Maybe these will help! &lt;pulls out a bag of cotton balls&gt;

Jbond: Yes! &lt;He, Kyle and Liz plug their ears with the cotton balls - but before they can pull themselves together enough to attack, Roseanne hits the HIGH NOTES! :eek: &gt;

Kyle: It's no use.....too...much...PAIN! No one can save us now....

&lt;Suddenly a man clad in sweats and a flannel shirt rushes the stage! He is carrying a steel chair, and he BLASTS Roseanne with a shot to the skull!&gt;

Kyle: Hey! It's MICK FOLEY!! :D

Liz: Wha??

Audience: FO-ley! FO-ley! FO-ley!

Mick: Hey Cherokee - HAVE A NICE DAY!...Acckkk &lt;Frizzo's midgets suddenly jump Foley and start beating him down!&gt;

Frizzo: Hey! Stop that! What do you think you're doing?!

Lead Midget: Go put a rubber chicken in it clown boy!

Frizzo: But you WORK for me!!!

Lead midget: Sorry, but we have a new master now!

2nd midget: Nothing personal...his dental plan was better...

Mick: Oh no...if anyone besides Frizzo the Clown can pull together that much mini-muscle, it must be....

&lt;AL SNOW enters with Head (his manikin-head "sidekick," FYI...)&gt;

Al: That's right! My first army of midgets didn't do the trick, but now I have an army of midgets that have been trained by a professional HITMAN! MWAAAA-HAAA-HA!

JBond: What the #*@!?

Frizzo: You feind! Do you know how hard it is to find good midget help these days?!

Al: Looks like you could use a little "Head!" &lt;nails Frizzo in the kisser with Head&gt;

&lt;Mick breaks free from the midgets and knocks Al away from Frizzo! But the midgets are back on him in an instant, holding him down for Al to get in some brutal shots to Mick's ribs with Head. But then - WHAM! Snow is kayoed with a rubber mallet shot to the back of the head by Frizzo!&gt;

Audience: FRI-zo! FO-ley! FRI-zo! FO-ley!

&lt;Kyle, JBond, and Liz stare transfixed at the spectacle befoe them...&gt;

&lt;With Snow out of the way, Mick and Frizzo go to town on the 4 midgets. One gets a double-arm DDT from Mick. The second one is dispatched with "Sweet Chin Music" from Frizzo and his size 20 shoes! Number three is knocked from the stage to the floor, then put out of action with a flying elbow from Mick. The lead midget does not go down so easily...Frizzo gives him the Rock Bottom, then goes for the People's Elbow! However, Frizzo finds out the hard way that trying that move is not advisable with size 20's on your feet - on the rebound, he trips over the midget and falls off the stage. But, Mick climbs up (behind the midget's back), and reaches down into his sweatpants&gt;

Kyle: OOOOH! He's goin' for the SOCK!!!

JBond: ....Is there any vodka left in this cane...?

&lt;Mick puts MR. SOCKO on his right hand, and sticks it down the lead midget's throat, who intstantly passes out!&gt;

&lt;As things return to normal, Superman and Olorin come out of the janitor's closet with several of the Harrah's dancing girls&gt;

Liz: Hey Superman, you have some lipstick on your "S"....

Olorin: Did we miss anything?

Kyle: Nah, not really...so, who wants to hit the slots?

Liz: Well, now that Roseanne is no longer a threat, I'm sure that we have no one else to fear here. After all, what celebrity's singing could POSSIBLY be worse than hers...?

&lt;Cue susepenseful music&gt;

[Frizzo the Clown]

Great, Kyle. Just great! Mick Foley is my favorite pro-wrestler! I never imagined that I'd be kickin ass and taking names with the hardcore legend! Although you forgot to have Mick make some bad joke at Al Snow's expense! You know he can't pass those up!

[Kyle Katarn]

Cool...I'm glad you like! I'll have to bring Mick back...and I can get inspiration from SmackDown tonight!!! Al will take on Tazz, and Mick is sure to be hanging around ("AL!! I need my gavel back! Regal won't let me use his knob!")... Or there's always "Have a nice day..." :D

I had no idea you were a wrestling fan - or more likely I knew, but had forgotten. That worked out good! I'm just glad I don't have to explain Sweet Chin Music, the Rock Bottom, and People's Elbow to you... ;)

[Frizzo the Clown]

Yeah, in a way, I patterned my "demented funnyman" thing from Mankind. Obviously, its expanded more, but it was still an early influence of Frizzo!

[Elizabeth]

Hey, thanks for including me in your fanfic. :D I was thinking of registering with a SM-related screenname, but I decided that I should go with Lizzard, only now I'm going by my first name cuz I was registering in a hurry so I could make it to Biology on time. Oh well... Pobody's nerfect! :p I'm sorry I don't have any powers, except hyperness from Mtn. Dew! Uh, could my long fingernails be considered a weapon? :confused: Okay, I need to quit using all these little faces! :rolleyes: Good luck and have fun writing more of this!

[Kyle Katarn]

&lt;Kyle & co. finally get to hit the slot machines...&gt;

Kyle: Yes!! I just won 20 dollars!

Liz: Cool! You can buy our breakfast!

Kyle: ...and I only had to put in 50 dollars to do it!

JBond: Maybe your luck will pick up shortly...

&lt;Enter Frizzo & Mick Foley!&gt;

Mick: Hey, speaking of short, how about that nut, Al Snow? ;)

Kyle: Tell me about it. Say, now that you're the new WWF Commisioner, has he ever returned your gavel?

Mick: No, but that's OK - I got a new one from my buddy Frizzo! &lt;holds up Frizzo's giant rubber mallet&gt;

&lt;Enter a disgusted-looking Superman&gt;

Mick: What gives Supes? I've not seen an expression like that since Al's last "partner!" :D

Superman: Remember the clone saga?

Kyle: You mean the Spider-Man clone?

Superman: No, on my last TV show - when they made a frog-eating clone of Lois...

Mick: Yeah - that plotline was a bigger stinker than a good Al Snow match!

Superman: Anyway, I was using my x-ray vision to spy on those dancing girls in the bathroom - and I saw them eating frogs in there!!! :eek:

Kyle: So THAT'S the answer!! Girls travel to the bathroom in pairs to EAT FROGS!! Ha Ha!! Where's Warpedchick? I KNOW YOUR SECRET NOW!!!

JBond: It's past your bedtime isn't it?

Superman: Don't you people understand? These girls must be...CLONES!

Frizzo: Ewww...frog eating clone girls? That's low....even for someone with standards like Al Snow!!

Mick: &lt;nods approvingly to Frizzo&gt; I'm starting to like you kid...did you ever hear of a wrestler named Doink the clown...&lt;takes Frizzo by the shoulder and leads him out as Mankind's theme music starts blaring, and the crowd chants once more "FRI-zo! FO-ley! FRI-zo! FO-ley!"&gt;

JBond: What's with these people? And where did that bloody music come from?!

Kyle: It's a "wrestler" thing, James...

&lt;a slightly-charbroiled Tech runs in...&gt;

Superman: What happened to you?!

Tech: I...I can't remember &lt;looks at Kyle suspiciously&gt; but it dosen't matter...seems like we have a clone problem!

Liz: You mean the dancing girls that Superman was spying on...OW! &lt;Supes gives her an elbow to the ribs&gt;

Tech: &lt;looks at Superman suspiciously - and again at Kyle&gt; No...this is much much worse...though their presence may be related to this...

Kyle: So what's going on?

&lt;suddenly, there is a scream from the Karaoke contest. The heroes rush in...&gt;

Audience member 1: Look! Up on the stage!

Audience member 2: It's a washed-up actor!

Audience member 1: With a bad toupee!

Audience member 2: It's...It's...

WILLIAM SHATNER'S CLONE(!): I'm baaa-aack! &lt;100 cloned dancing girls come up behind him...&gt;

JBond: This does not look good...

Liz: Hey, think positive!

Kyle: OK. I'm positive that we're boned....

TO BE CONINUED...MAYBE CONCLUDED, DEPENDS ON HOW CREATIVE I CAN GET... ;)

[Frizzo the Clown]

You had to bring up Doink the Clown....I knew you'd probably mention him eventually.....

[Kyle Katarn]

Kyle: Ok, Shatner-clone, where's the real deal?

Shatner: Like I'd tell you guys that he's of plotting his next diabolical...HEY! Quit trying to trick me!

Superman: Crap, then I guess he's way to smart to not tell us exactly what he's planning to do here...

Shatner: &lt;thinks for a moment&gt; Oh yeah?! I'll show you! I'm going to knock off this casino and use the money to make a "Best of Shatner" CD - with subliminal messages that will make people see me as KING OF THE WORLD!!! I didn't want to reveal myself. I had hoped Roseanne's singing would leave everyone unconscious...blast that meddling Mick Foley and that useless Al Snow!

Liz: So you hired Al Snow and Roseanne and made this army of clone go-go-girls?

Shatner: That's right!

Kyle: ....Like, wouldn't it have been easier to just take the money you invested into doing all that crap and just produce the CD with it?

Shatner: I'm a bad guy! Bad guys don't do things the sane way!!!

Superman: "Bad guy..." Riiight - and just how do you plan to stop US? &lt;Kyle, Superman, JBond, and Liz strike superheroic poses&gt;

Shatner: I've already taken care of everyone but you guys - and I have the solution to Superman and Kyle right here! &lt;pulls out 2 large guns and shoots Superman and Kyle. A Ysalmari lands on Superman and a kryptonite net covers Kyle&gt;

Kyle: Ummmmm...?

Superman: The purpose of this is what exatly?

Shatner: #*&^@!!! Lucky I invested in the 2-shot models...&lt;switches guns and shoots again - this time the Ysalmari renders Kyle powerless, and the kryptonite net does the same for Superman&gt;

JBond: &lt;has a dead aim at Shatner's head&gt; Alright, Willie, the game is up!

Shatner: I must admit, Mr. Bond, that I did not anticipate your presence here - but no matter. I met someone outside who really wants a word with you...

&lt;Enter JBond's car insurance agent!&gt;

Agent: Alright Bond, time to settle up!

JBond: What are you talking about??? I thought that we called it even after I promised not to blow up any more gas stations - and gave you that pair of x-ray glasses...

Agent: Don't play dumb with me commander - let's go! &lt;grabs JBond by the hair and drags him outside&gt;

Shatner: &lt;standing over Elisabeth&gt; Alright little girl - I don't know who you are, but do you really think you have a chance against me and my army of clone dancing girls?

Liz: &lt;staring at the girls&gt; Well, if this place flooded, I know that they could probably float better than me...

Kyle: &lt;reaching inside his cloak&gt; Ok, Shatner, you've forced me to reveal my secret weapon....and may God have mercy on us all!!!

TO BE CONTINUED!! (duh ;) )

[ 10-26-2001: Message edited by: Kyle Katarn ]</p>

[Elizabeth]

......Okay, you're about to scare me a little, hehe. When do i get to go hyper with Mtn. Dew? :D

[Kyle Katarn]

SHHHH!! Don't give away the ending! ;)

[Kyle Katarn]

&lt;Cue "Halloween" theme as we see Tech running down the hall toward the security office - (he fled when he first saw Shatner in the casino...)&gt;

Tech: The evil...the evil has returned to this place...must...stop.....the EVIL!!! &lt;inside the office, Tech keys a sequence in the computer, then, grabs a palmtop computer and heads back to the chaos...&gt;

&lt;meanwhile...the chaos&gt;

Kyle: &lt;starts to remove hand from cloak, but hesitates&gt; William - are you sure you won't listen to reason? No one is gonna like this if I use it....

Shatner: Reason? Bah!! In fact, now that my clone army almost has the casino completely looted, it may be time to say...&lt;pulls a microphone out from his jacket&gt; "Bye Bye Bye!"

Superman: Yaaaah! Use the "secret weapon" dummy!!! I don't care what it is!

Kyle: Ok, you asked for it, Shatner! &lt;tosses a bottle of JOLT COLA over to Elisabeth, who chugs it down...&gt;

Shatner: THAT'S your "secret weapon?!" &lt;Kirk voice&gt; Ooh.....I am....so scared! HAHAHAHAHA!

&lt;Elisabeth turns to face him - her eyes are glowing white, and she has a sinister grin on her face...she suddenly starts yelling in Japanese and dashing throughout the room with super-speed! She starts going to town on the clone dancing girls...&gt;

Kyle: That's great Elisabeth! Now let us loose!

&lt;Liz comes up to Kyle and yanks the Ysalmari creature off of him. Suddenly, 3 clones come up behind her.&gt;

Liz: BANZAI!!!!! &lt;She starts spinning like a top using the Ysalmari as a club. She clobbers the 3 clones - and Kyle as well, sending him flying backwards into Superman (knocing the net off in the process) and Shatner. The 3 land in a heap&gt;

Shatner: Are you sure that girl is on your side?

Kyle: &lt;rubbing jaw&gt; I wonder that myself sometimes...

Superman: Alright, whoever this is, get your foot out of my face!

Shatner: But I think that's your foot.

Kyle: Yeah - you're the only one wearing red boots...

Superman: Fine, just remember I asked you nicely! &lt;bites foot&gt; OWWWWW!!!

Shatner: &lt;sighs sadly&gt; I can remember a time when I fought men like Kahn...now look at me...

&lt;Kyle and Superman get up and help Elisabeth take care of the remaining clones, then they confront Shatner&gt;

Kyle: All right, where is the real William Shatner?

Shatner: Hah! I've got 2 words for you: Kobayashi Maru!!! &lt;with that, the Shatner-clone, and the clone girls start disentegrating....&gt;

Superman: Hey! Clone degeneration!

Kyle: Ewww...Well, I guess that about wraps up this case. And with slightly less than the usual amount of gratuitous violence....

&lt;Tech runs in&gt;

Tech: Alright! To save the world from William Shatner's singing, I have decided to take the ultimate step!

Kyle: ...Shatner's singing, and the subliminal messages that would make us all bow down to him...right?

Tech: ...oh yeah, that too...anyway, I have set the self destruct sequence for the casino and...hey, what's all this goo on the floor?

Kyle: Too late, Tech, we've already beaten the clones!

Tech: Oh...well, luckily the off switch is in my palmtop here...OOOPS &lt;slips on some Shatner-goo, and loses his grip on the palmtop. The computer goes flying through the air and lands at Elisabeth's feet&gt;

Liz: &lt;eyes still glowing white&gt; Ooooooh! Pretty.....buttons.....

Tech: This is a bad thing right, Kyle?...Kyle??

&lt;Kyle is already halfway to the door, running madly&gt;

Liz: &lt;wildly pushing bottons on Tech's computer&gt; Pushthebutton - Pushthebutton - Pushthebutton - Pushthebutton...

Computer voice: Autodestruct will ouccur in...5 seconds...please proceed calmly to the....

Tech: RUUUUUN! &lt;all the heroes flee outside just as the casino collapses on itself&gt;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

&lt;Later, the heroes are sifting through the debris...Kyle comes across one slot machine that was not destroyed. He starts going through his pockets, but they are empty&gt;

Liz: Here you go, I'll spot ya. &lt;gives Kyle a quarter&gt;

Kyle: Thanks! &lt;puts it in and pulls the lever&gt;

&lt;7.......7........7! JACKPOT!!!!&gt;

Kyle: YESSSS!!! WE WON!!! WE'RE RICH!!! &lt;Kyle and Elisabeth split up a massive load of quarters&gt;

&lt;Enter a frazzled looking JBond. He sees Kyle and Elisabeth, and points to the smoking ruins of the gas station across the street&gt;

JBond: Right...now about my car insurance bill...

THE END...for now :D

[ 10-28-2001: Message edited by: Kyle Katarn ]</p>

[Kyle Katarn]

So there we have it...

Shatner is seen in some of the best fanfics (Bar room brawl, for instance) so I thought I should include him...

As for the wrestlers...hehehe...that was just the tip of the iceberg...my next story might be "Kyle uses Jedi mind tricks to force JBond and Tech to go with him to see SmackDown! :D

Elisabeth is a girl I go to school with, and I finally convinced her to join the board. I think I captured her personality perfectly... ;)

So...how's about some feedback here! (Just no threats of having me put in a looney bin...I've already had that feedback here in the "real world!")

Hmmm..."The CS posters rescue Kyle from the looney bin after his cousin has him institutionalized after reading his fanfic...." now THERE'S an idea...

[bbf2]

[quote]Originally posted by Kyle Katarn:
<strong>
Elisabeth is a girl I go to school with, and I finally convinced her to join the board. I think I captured her personality perfectly... ;) </strong><hr></blockquote>

Oh, okay, I was wondering why you put in a new poster with less than twenty posts . . . makes sense now.

[beemanbone]

I was thinking the same thing.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, I've known Kyle since high school (scary, isn't it?! hehe) and he knows how crazy I am, especially after the consumption of caffeine :D :D !

That was really good, the way you portrayed me when I get really hyper ;) and you might get the impression that we've been around each other for a few years or something! Too bad I only know a few phrases in Japanese, or else I could really have freaked those clones out... not to mention, everyone else! You're gonna have to think of some more fun stuff to do for a fanfic sometime. :)

[Frizzo the Clown]

Well, you made me a character, so the fan fic is a-okay in my book! :D

[Kyle Katarn]

1st fic!