Creative Writing

[killercowboy]

this may have been done before but im not sure. heres how it works, ill start a story. then someone else will continue it. but there is only one rule, the story cannot end. have fun.


once upon a time there was a guy named fred. he was really weird.he loved ice cream. especially chocolate. one day, when fred was going to work, he saw a weenerdog and immediatly tried to eat it.

[Balrog of Moria]

But then realized it wasnt edible because it was rubber.

[killercowboy]

so he ate it anyway

[Balrog of Moria]

and the next day got a bad case of the squirts. But he couldnt use the bathroom because he was at his girlfriends grandmothers. Not being able to hold it in any longer he decided to use the cats litter box...When caught by grandmom he said

[PsychoMike]

"I...was...uh...just..uh..making sure that...uh-"
"don't worrry about making up excuses," interupted the grandmother, "I always crap in the litter box. I like the way the sand feels."

[minusbfold]

The sand down the beach feels the same way as i walk though it I meet a bum name thomas who hands me a ham sandwich. I eat the sandwich and spit out half of it into linda hands a taxi cab driver srom LA who doesnt know how to speak english.

[Rizor]

"uh.....Okay....Hey, Angela..."
"Yes, Fred?"
"How long do we have to stay here, I'm missing the Honeymooners Marathon."
"Well, I was thinking we could stay the night."
"You're not serious!"
"Of course I am. I love Granny. After Mom and Dad died in that horrible CIA raid, she took me in. She's the closest thing I've got to family. I'll be quite upset if you two don't get along."
"What about your brother, Ronny?"
"It's not the same. He's been in a coma since the car accident. If only Jeff Gordon hadn't crashed into him...."
"Have you got any hope for him, that he'll, you know...recover?"
"Hope's the only thing I've got. All that medical science says is that he's stuck like that for the rest of his life, a vegetable being fed on by the cows of the world."
"Not to mention deer...Damn deer. Did I tell you? The reason why I was late was because I hit a damn deer. Really, they do nothing for you. That's why they have deer season. Screw the animal rights people, screw vegetarians who don't like venison. But if we couldn't go deer hunting, the world would be overrun with stupid deer. All they do is friggin' run in front of your car and get hit. In the end, you've got a dead deer and a wrecked car....Thousands of dollars just because one hippey wasn't out there killing them...."
"Still, Bambi was cute..."
"Bambi my ass! I worked my ass off for that car and like that, it's gone!
"Okay, settle down, Fred. let's not talk about it."
"Damn right!"
"I'll go check and see if Granny gets cable."
"Nah, forget it! I don't even like the Honeymooners. It's just that she gives me a bad vibe."
"Granny? Why?"
"Well, she just looks at me funny. She talks sweet, but her eyes are harder than a convict's in a Maximum Security Prison..."
"I don't blame her..."
"Don't blame her?! She looks like she's about to kill me! Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she asked me to go help her chop the wood and when she comes back, she'll tell you I went to the store. But let me tell you, she probably baked me in tonight's apple pie!"
"Oh, don't be silly...That was 30 years ago, she hasn't even had the urge since..."
"Since what?"
"Nothing."
"Tell me!"
"Okay...30 years ago, se was in a plane that crashed the snowy mountains. The surviving passengers had to resort to cannibalism to survive."
"Cannibal? You mean she actually eats people! I was just joking before, but now I'm scared!"
"I wouldn't worry. She doesn't talk about anymore and when she did, it sounded like the lowpoint of her life...I mean she had to eat her own husband, Fred! Could you eat me?"
"Well, if you're kosher..."
"Fred, I'm serious. You have nothing to worry about."
"Fine."
"Alright? You can go check the basement for the TV."
"I'm fine, I've never even watched the Honeymooners."
"Well, go down there anyway and look for the old photo albums. They'll be good to look through."
"Alright, sweety..."

Fred goes down to the basement. He sees a stack of books that are undoubtedly the family photo albums. He turns around and sees the television set next to him. Above the VCR is a video box labeled "Backyard Bimbos IV- The Director's Cut" Fred, curious, turns it on.

"Hmmm. Kinky..." He realizes whose home this is. "Even kinkier..."
Fred walks across the room to inspect the photo albums. The first one labeled "Angela: 2-5" He browses the photos and spots his girlfriend at the age of 2. "She was even cute as a kid!"

He then spots another album. Strangely, it is unlabeled. It's filled with food recipes. Things that Granny has obviously tried because it has the check marks all throughout. He turns the page. It adorns two photos under the heading "Roasted Legs with mashed Potatoes" Fred lets out a savory "mmmmm......" as his eyes scan the first photo. He then looks at the picture underneath. Strangely, it is of a girl. "Must be a friend of granny's..." Fred piles the photo albums one on top of the other and turns around for more Backyard Bimbo action. He takes a seat in the comforter across the room. "OW!" He jumps out of the seat. He looks down and sees he sat on a pen. But it rests on a notepad filled with scribbles. A list of names, some crossed off.

<s>Sara Lovefield</s>
Jaime Suxa-lot
<s>Carl Mungous</s>
Pussy McClaire
Jessica St. Cox

St. Cox Mailing Address

39-6 Maple Street

Underneath the notepad lies a map. A route is highlighted leading to Maple street. Under that is a printed photo of porn star Jessica St. Cox. Scribbled in red marker....

NICE THIGHS!!!!

He investigates even further and sees a recipe printed from Recipes4cannibals.com!
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND RIGHT!!!" he exclaims in disgust. "I've got to tell Angela!"
"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you!" He turns around to see the silhouette of the elderly woman. "All I wanted to do was be a good grandmother. You know, she loves you...."
"She loves me?"

"HAH! Too stupid to see it. She asked me to spare you, but now you know too much. And you've even spoiled the surprise dinner!" She steps forward, holding something behind he back.
"Get away from me!" It is too late, granny knocks him unconscience with a vase.

_______________________________________

NEXT DAY:

He awakens. It seems in the storm cellar. He is chained up and from the little light peering from the opening, he can make out a figure besides him. "Hello?" he whispers silently. The woman cries.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Fred, and you?"
"Jessica, Jessica...Smith" She moves into the light. Her face familiar.
"You're Jessica St. Cox, aren't you?!" She nods. "We've got to get out of here! But how?"
"Waitasec! My father was an archaeologist. He gave me this." She gestures toward the chain around her neck. A great stone. "It has powers that he hasn't even unlocked."
Fred snorts. "bull..." But before long, Jessica twists her body into a funky kama sutra position. He necklace falls off and she kicks it into the light.
"He told me it activates when its owner is in the most dire situation and only in sunlight."
"But what use would that be at night? They look at each other with a baffled expression.

(NOTE BY AUTHOR: This story is a work of fiction and such plot devices should not be scrutinized) ;)

The stone activates, unleashing a fantastic energy. Suddenly, the two find themselves on the doorsteps of Granny's house. They kick the door in. Angela is on the couch crying. The site of her lost love confuses her.

"DAMMIT! How could you have escaped?" yells Granny.
"You underestimate the power of the sun-stones of the Nile!"
Jessica goes into a kung-fu stance, ready to kick Granny's ass. They engage in battle. But Granny pulls out a shotgun, and shoots St. Cox in the chest. She falls to the floor.

"Granny, what is this?" asks Angela.
"Why, that slut tried to kill me! Oh my, Fred, I thought you were mauled by a bear! Oh, I'm so relieved." She moves over to a body on the floor, missing an arm and bloodied up. "I suppose Angie here was right. Not you after all..."

"No! You tried to kill me. And if my memory recalls correctly, my father was reported missing 12 years ago to this day. Did you eat him too?!"
"Well, what did he look like?"
"Granny!" Angela let out.
"Well, maybe I saw him."
"You tried to eat him didn't you? I thought a year in the mental hospital would have changed you! First is was my childhood friends and then my boyfriends. Not this time. I won't let you kill the man I love." She turns to Fred. Their eyes engage each other's. A moment of love between the two. "That's right, Fred. I love you." Fred takes her hand but then....

"You ignorant girl!" Granny slaps her to the ground. "Prepare to meet your father, Fred!" She lunges toward Fred with a great axe. But suddenly, something hit her in the head, knocking her unconscience.
"I told Daddy these would come in handy" the sultry voice of Jessica St. Cox said. she stood up, her left breast larger than the other. She had thrown her silicone implant at Granny.
"Thanks."
"Oh, don't thank me. It's....what I do." ;)

"Angela!" Fred kneels toward his love. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. I'm fine. Her slaps were always a bit softer on me."
"Darling, let's get married."
"Well, sure."
"Let's go then."
"Now?"
"Why not?"

suddenly a loud noise appeared. The two look out of the window. A private jet landed in the front lawn. The tail decorated with the image of a busty woman. "I paged the company and the cops." St. Cox said. Police enter the house. They arrest Granny and leave the three alone.

Fred and Angela kiss.

"Hey, you two want to join me in Las Vegas?"

Fred and Angela would be married in a day.

THE ADVENTURES OF FRED AND ANGELA continues in the next post!

[awakened]

Bob Weir (movie producer) finishes reading the first draft w/ astonishment.
"I think we've got a winner." proclaims the media mogul as he green lights THE ADVENTURES OF FRED AND ANGELA for the summer of 2004.

[Tony_samo]

:eek: :shock:

[awakened]

......

[EnderDeschain]

...and then the squirrels attacked!

[Balrog of Moria]

and took over the

[Rizor]

....whole damn world! The only ones who could stop them are Fred and Angela!

[Balrog of Moria]

The ones from Harry Potter

[awakened]

meanwhile back at CS headquarters

[Kitty]

Frizzo went to the bathroom, the new issue of weekly midget porn in his hands. As he set himself down in one of the stalls he heard a gun shot. Worried of what just happened, Frizzo pulled up his pants, tucked his midget porn in his back pants pocket and walked outside to find...

[Rizor]

a midget lighting fireworks....

[WDTSF]

And so he asked to midget to stop lighting the fireworks, but he wouldn't, so Frizzo offered him the midget porn to make him stop and the midget happily accepted. But then Frizzo went back to the bathroom and realized he didn't have any more midget porn...